Chapter 4--------------The Ridiculous Way of Elves
(A/N)- I like this chapter and the next one the best so far. I promise to have chapter 5(The Bow Stroke and The Smackdown) up today…maybe…if I can get off my ass and go buy more chocolate.
I followed Haldir deeper into the forest and I kept 'accidentally' stepping on his dress trail and bugging him with "are we there yet?" Mwhahaha!!! What fun it is to be a mischievous 17 year old girl stuck in Middle Earth! Anyways after what seemed like a ridiculously slow paced walk (when I asked Haldir about it he just said something like "that is the way of the elves"…) we finally reached Lothlorien and I was brought to the Lord and Lady.
Just as I kneeled before them Galadriel began to talk in slow motion in her most mystical sounding voice and I noticed some of the other elves rush to turn the fans on and then her hair too, began to move ridiculously slow. I looked around to see if anyone else was seeing what I was and after I realized that everybody else was trying not to notice, I coughed loudly and Celeborn looked at me uncomfortably.
"Why is she talking so ridiculously slow?" I whispered to him, trying not to be too obvious as the Lady was trying to judge my soul or something by looking at me with her 'mystical elf eyes' which I am quite sure, were just contacts. Celeborn glared at me for a second then mouthed the words "that is the way of the elves" to me and then lightly tapped Galadriel on the arm.
"Now's not the time for the whole 'mystical prophesizing voice' honey." Celeborn whispered to her. Galadriel looked down quickly and cleared her throat loudly.
"Oh…right…um…just let me know when…" she said under her breath looking sideways at him, trying her best to still look ethereal and wise. Celeborn smiled and gave her a reassuring nod and everything suddenly returned to normal.
I know Mr. S! She has obviously not mastered the art of 'mystical prophesizing moments'…poor stupid git. And I'm also quite sure she was wearing a wig. Ah well it was funny anyways.
Celeborn without a moment's hesitation gave me the 'down low' (as he called it) on the immediate future.
"Yo check this: we're gonna walk up this ridiculously tall and oversized tree and there you will meet the fellowship, then you will end up hitting on the ridiculously good-looking elf Legolas, then you will share your purpose here with Aragorn (the guy who's still not king but has a ridiculous amount of manly stubble). Then after you all have rested here for a ridiculously long time we'll send you all on your way with some ridiculous gifts that will probably never be of any use to you whatsoever and we'll also send you away with some not-so-tasty bread that is ridiculously heavy on the stomach. This is the way of the elves. Understood?" He asked looking at me as if daring me to object or something.
I know Mr. S, talk about paranoid…what a ridiculous elf. And no I didn't think he was hot. The eyebrows were a bit too much. Oh and then after the other elves turned off the 'mystical lighting system' he looked all dingy like he might have soiled himself a few times. Anyways, I put my hands up and with a Fonzie-like "hey hey hey" I told him it was all good. Yes Mr. Shadow this is where it starts to get interesting…gosh just chill alright! Give a living dead girl some damn time to catch her breath will ya?! Bloody hell…..