Title: Vengeance Satisfied is Justice Served 7/?
Author: 3D Master
Feedback: 3d.master@chello.nl
Website:
Rating: R
Keywords: X-over BtVS/The Crow, drama, action.
Time frame: S7, starts during dirty girls.
Summary: Buffy has a choice to make: Xander or Spike? Who gets to live? XanderZone Challenge response.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its characters do not belong to me, but to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. The Crow and related concepts are created by James O'Barr.
Author's Notes: In this chapter part of one conversation (won't spoil you) comes from feedback to this story given to me by Lone Templar (thank you!), and I'm using it with his blessing.
Vengeance Satisfied is Justice Served
Chapter 7: Maturity
Back in Buffy's living room the discussion about crows and all manner of things was still going on, and Buffy was fed up with it. "QUIET!" she yelled out, silencing everyone. "I'm in charge here, I'm the Slayer, I am the law, therefor we will find this evil crow . . ."
"/Bullshit/," a collected voice interrupted Buffy. It was Faith, who had walked back in the room, the axe slung casually over her shoulder. Buffy whirled around, and looked at the cool Faith. There was something about her stance that reminded Buffy of the Faith she knew four years earlier, at the same time she seemed far less like she was four years earlier that she did in the past few days. "You're not the law, neither am I. We're slayers, we kill the bad things, we do not decide everything else." Everyone looked surprised at Faith, Willow most of all. In recent days she had figured that the way she had seen Faith back in LA was a fluke, and that she had returned to her true self. But her stance now, the way she talked, seemed exactly like then.
Buffy's gaze was drawn to the weapon on Faith's shoulder. Faith twirled it and asked, "Like it, B? Is it calling to you as it called to me?" Buffy nodded, somewhat in awe of the weapon. "It's what was in the vineyard, it's what the 'evil' crow took from Caleb and the First."
"You knew who it was?" Buffy asked struck with a mixture of betrayal, surprise, and jealousy.
Faith smiled, as she replied, "No, only figured it out just now."
"So," Buffy concluded with some envy, "you killed him, and took it from him?"
Faith shook her head. "He gave it to me." Everyone looked at Faith with anticipation, and confusion. Dawn and Willow though, gave a small smile, which they hid from everyone else. "He's not evil, Buffy, in fact he's coming here as we speak, I think it will be an interesting meet."
"So you've gone evil again," Buffy stated angrily, going into a half battle stance. There was a gasp from most of the people there, most in disbelief some of shock.
Faith gaped at Buffy in disbelief, and then shaking her head she said, "No, and neither he is."
"He /is/ evil, he's just faking it when he gave you that weapon!" Buffy yelled out in anger in frustration.
"Why? Because you say so?" Willow asked incredulously.
"Yes!" Buffy answered desperately, seeing the accusation in her best friends eyes, and feeling how the tension in the room got squarely directed at her. "I've been doing this for seven years! Making all the hard decisions! We're still here, I'm right!"
Faith sniggered, and the whole room turned to look at her, somewhat surprised at Faith's cool way of handling things. "Yeah, tough decisions all right," Faith said with a mocking. "Like oh, say, saving a living being versus a dead, animated corpse. Bleach boy, or Xander, the thing that attempted to kill you several times over, kill all of your friends, murdered countless people, raped countless girls . . ."
"Don't forget attempted to rape Buffy herself," Dawn interrupted suddenly with a grave tone her arms folded across her chest.
The whole room looked with shock from Buffy to Spike and back again, disgust written over some of the girls, horror over some others, most notably Faith. Buffy stood rooted in her position, feeling the illusion of control over the situation slipping away from her. Faith shook her head, "Let's not forget that, versus the guy who stood by you for seven years, had your back every step of the way, saved your and all of our lives undoubtedly several times over, your best male friend, what a difficult decision! Really /not/! That would be easy, the living over death, quite easy to me. The fucking demons that attacked us gave you a choice, they paused in their actions and told you to choose between them, YOU CHOSE TO SAVE A FUCKIN' CORPSE!"
Seen only by Kennedy, Willow slowly shook her head in disbelief. "I had to!" Buffy defended herself, half angry. "Spike is the better fighter, we need him more. That's the way it is." Kennedy watched Willow stop shaking her head, jaw open, and she knew something was happening with her girlfriend.
"Newsflash, Buffy, the First is INCORPOREAL!" Faith yelled back going toe to toe with Buffy. "You're little vamp will do nothing to it, his fist will go straight through! While Xander has been the focus of a spell, the heart as Willow called it to beat back a big evil. Magic is the only thing that could possibly harm the First, making your raping sex toy useless, and Xander all the more important. Even if that weren't the case, Xander killed three demons, and so did Spike before they got overwhelmed. Sorry, to disappoint you, but where I'm standing Xander is just as capable a fighter as Spike."
With shock Kennedy saw Willow's eyes turn black, and the redhead hissed, "Bitch!" Everyone looked over at Willow's, whose hair was starting to whirl with energy.
"Willow, please don't," Kennedy pleaded, blocking her girlfriend's path. She didn't really care about what would happen to Buffy, but she didn't like seeing Willow going down this path.
Willow's magical power became more intense, a cone of invisible energy surrounded her audibly, and pushed people aside. The heavy sound was impressive, and electrical discharges started shooting through Willow's hair. "Out of my way!" Willow growled out. "That bitch killed Xander, she'll pay!"
"Willow, this is not the way," Kennedy pleaded, but got flung aside, not very gently, but not harmfully either.
Willow advanced on Buffy with boiling determination, "You're going to feel pain, Buffy. Hell will seem like a picnic to you. You had Xander killed."
"Willow, please don't!" Kennedy cried out desperately, getting up from her place.
Buffy took a fearful step back; Willow seemed more powerful now than a year earlier, and back then it wasn't all focused on her and her alone. "Willow, don't, please!" Dawn tried to stop Willow, grabbing the redhead's left arm. The younger Summers wasn't exactly thrilled with her treatment by Buffy, but it was still her sister. With the flick of a wrist, Dawn was flung aside. Spike vamped out and attacked Willow, as the rest of the room looked with shock at the fully powered-up witch. Willow's right arm shot out, and before Spike could reach her, he was shot backward until he slammed into the door frame and continued to hang there. "Wait your turn," Willow hissed, and focused back on Buffy. "You filthy bitch, you had him killed, you him placed in an unmarked shallow grave, you made him what he is, you marked him with /all/ that /pain/!"
Most of the SiTs present were even more confused now than ever. Faith was backing up with an instinctive fear as well, wondering how Xander had found the guts to go up against this, and come out victorious. Buffy was too wrapped up in her own survival to notice the strange wording. "It needed to be done, Willow!" Buffy pleaded desperately. "Why are you being like this? This is how I've always saved the day! I make these hard decisions, nobody else does, nobody else can. Please."
"I can see it in his eyes, Buffy," Willow hissed ignoring Buffy's pleas as she raised her arms, ready to release deadly magic. "I've known Xander for to long not to. The pain! You did that to him! You killed him!" Willow's hands started to glow.
"Willow don't." The statement was calm, soft almost, there was no pleading in it, no command, and yet there was no way one couldn't deny that the statement had to be followed to the letter. While before people had pleaded, and screamed, and physically tried to restrain Willow and failed miserably, now Willow's power drained away instantly. With normal eyes she looked over at Xander standing in the kitchen doorway. Spike dropped unceremoniously to the floor, yelling out in annoyance.
Xander smiled, and jumped, over a few potentials and landed smoothly on the back table, crouching instantly in a bird-like pose. The crow not once changed its position from Xander's right shoulder. "Xander," Willow whispered a little shocked as she saw Xander's painted face. Xander cocked his head. Throughout the room there were gasps of shock, followed by whisperings, more than a few laced with a little fear. Spike had his face crunched up with frustration.
"You wouldn't want to take away my vengeance, would you?" Xander asked, and then gave a cock toward Kennedy who was getting up. Willow looked over at her girlfriend and quickly ran over to her, whispering apologies, as she hugged her close. Xander slowly moved his head back and bored his eyes into Buffy's who had turned around and was looking shocked at her once best friend. A grin slowly spread upon Xnader's face, the make-up making it look infinitely more scary. "So . . . I'm evil, huh? And you always made the hard decisions, always made the right ones, and nobody else can make them?"
Buffy swallowed. This couldn't be happening. Xander wasn't supposed to come back to life, and if he did, he was supposed to be helping her, bring up morale, get everyone ready to fight the big final fight, not be an evil, murdering machine. Xander laughed then, hard. "I didn't know you still had it in you, Buffy," Xander said deceptively friendly. "An actual sense of humor." Buffy's jaw dropped at that statement. Xander jumped off the table lightly, and landed right in front of Buffy. "You've hardly ever made a hard decision in your life, and the few who you did make, you made wrong. You walked into every trap that was ever set for you. A prophecy said you were going to face the Master alone and die, and you promptly went to him alone to die. A smart person would have brought us all along and kicked his ass. Next hard decision: kill Angelus, the soulless-monster-stripped-of-his-soul version of your love, Angel. Oh, wait, you let him live and kill and torture for several months until you had no choice left. Sending the newly re-ensouled Angel to hell; sorry, that one was easy, send him to hell, or let all of us go to hell, including him. One or one plus all, kind of simple matter of math to me."
"That's . . . I . . ." Buffy muttered shocked, feeling a pain welling up inside her.
"What? You did more tough decisions?" Xander asked incredulously. "When we fought the mayor? Don't you remember how /I/ planned and executed most of that plan, along with some help from Giles? Your first idea was nice, but the way you wanted to execute it, would have gotten us all killed. /Key guy/, remember that? You were smart enough back then to trust my judgement more than your own. You should remember it all clearly now, Willow restored your true memories after all, not that was any different in the altered memories." Buffy looked up at him like a deer caught in headlights. "Against Adam, my blurted out idea that allowed Giles and Willow to get the enjoining spell, remember when you were moaning about Riley being the only one that had your back then? Kinda like Spike now: completely wrong both times. Glory, that was all four of us together, and even Anya helped out with that plan, never just you. Last year, well, you were too much moping about to make any sane decision. /I/ stopped Willow from killing everyone on the planet, not you." Willow looked pained, and a few of the SiTs who hadn't heard the story yet, looked over at her. "Please, tell me again, decisions you alone can make . . .?"
"You're evil! You're the First!" Buffy accused him.
"Whoa, a Slayer with just a few working brain cells, now there's a rarity. No offense, Faith," Xander stated with a grin.
"None taken," Faith answered with a wide grin.
Xander grinned, and spread out his arms, making him look like a scarecrow with a coat flowing around him. The crow was not scared one bit though, and even squawked its approval. Xander continued, "Touch me, all of you." A lot of the SiTs and Buffy came forward and touched the very solid form of Xander Harris.
"You're still evil," Buffy accused angrily. "You killed Caleb straight out of Silence of the Lambs." Buffy gestured at Anya who had done nothing but slack-jawed looked on in fear at the crow and Xander. "Anya said so, Spike said so, you even attacked him, and I know it too. You're evil. You came back evil."
Xander laughed out loud, and said, "Buffy, how can you think that of me!? You know I'm not capable of something like that. I didn't kill Caleb."
"You didn't?" Buffy asked confused, as confused as most of the people in the room were, looking at their resurrected confidante deny the very thing they hoped he had done.
"Of course not," Xander said sincerely. "And I can prove it too."
Buffy's eyes brightened, and she looked him in his eyes, "You can?"
Xander nodded, and took a step forward, standing right in front of Buffy, and he bent forward, until his face was nearly touching Buffy's. His eyes bored into Buffy's, and with a sly grin, that sent shivers of fear down Buffy's spine, he said, "I have a soul." Buffy frowned, as Xander took a small step back righting himself. She was confused, and a few snickers came from the mostly SiT audience.
How could Xander do this to her? Buffy couldn't understand it as the implication of what Xander had said sank into her. How dare he! How dare Xander come back to life, come here, and use the bond she and Spike had so callously. Buffy pulled her fist back, and threw it at Xander's face. Xander's left hand whipped up, and caught her wrist easily, surprising Buffy. Xander's grin faded rapidly and he pushed Buffy back, making her stumble a few steps before stopping.
Xander looked at the slack-jawed blonde slayer with disgust. He shook his head, and said, "I cannot believe you would dare say you always make great decisions after two fiasco's in a row. If I weren't there the first time, a whole lot more girls would have died, and the second time you're lucky I took out the bastard and his minions before you got there or you would have walked right back into another trap.
"You know it's a trap," he continued, sneering with disgust, "and yet you just walk right into it. You go into a building you have no knowledge of, have no idea what's inside, how many enemies there are, and you go down one narrow little entrance with a big group of hardly trained girls. If you had any sense of tactics or strategy, you would make sure there is more than one exit. I know you're not smart enough to understand any tactic and weapon of the past century or two, but come on . . . China, fourth of July: fireworks, they are called explosives, Buffy, gunpowder, it's been around for only oh, say /two/ /thousand/ /years/. And even if you couldn't get your hands on them, which you could, there's always a witch here with enough power to magically explode holes in the walls."
"I left her here to protect those I left behind," Buffy whimpered weakly in defense.
"No, you left her here because she's not a bleached blonde vampire as stupid as you," Xander bit back at her. "And you didn't feel the need to keep an eye on her, like you did with Faith. You could have defeated that halfwit Caleb with ease. Blow open those walls, you'd kill several Bringers with the get go. First wave attacks with crossbows from all sides, surrounding the ones inside. Still dazed Bringers you take out, second wave follows with swords, as the Bringers see their companions die in front of them, they wouldn't be ready. The first wave has time to reload and join the second, by which time there's only Caleb left if he wasn't dead with the explosions already. Caleb may be strong and fast, but not even he can fight off 20 bolts coming at him at the same time. But one would require some tactical insight, some strategic insight to think of that, and you don't have any, right, Buffy?"
"I-I do," Buffy managed, disbelieving how this was going. The whole group of fighters for good looked breathlessly at the confrontation.
"Really? Is that why you chose to save that thing, instead of one of your two best friends, who've been at your side for seven years?" Xander spit out.
"Yes," Buffy whispered, not understanding how things had gotten to this point.
"Why are you supposed to be in charge, Buffy. Could you explain that to me?" Xander asked calmly.
"I'm the Slayer," Buffy answered with some conviction.
Rona, one of the SiTs noticed something, and started saying, "You're n- . . ."
"Quiet," Xander interrupted her, still calm. Rona looked surprised but kept her mouth shut. Xander turned back to Buffy, and asked, "So, what improvements do you have over a normal human being as a Slayer then. Stop me if I'm wrong; strength, speed, agility, speedier healing, killer instincts, that about it?"
"Yes," Buffy answered not getting where Xander was going with this, as her heart tore further in two inside of her. Xander Harris, her best friend, the guy who had been there for almost all this time, was tearing systematically into her like he had never before, only threatening to kill her if Willow got hurt was more harsh, but even that was one small moment, it never been anything like this.
Xander smiled, as he said, "So what you're saying is, that if you're the strongest you get to lead?"
"Yes," Buffy answered uncertain.
Xander nodded, then turned to his left, and held out his left hand. "Kim, can I borrow your sword?" Everyone looked with surprise and confusion at Xander. Hesitantly the potential nodded and handed over the sword. Xander grabbed it with his outstretched hand and lifted it calmly.
Buffy took an involuntary step back, several concerned shouts, and a very angry one from Spike sounded, but non could do anything in time. The sword sliced easily through flesh . . . it came out the back of Xander's own torso; it had gone straight through his own belly. Sounds of shock moved loudly through the room, and then Xander smoothly pulled the sword back out. Everyone saw the wound close right in front of their eyes.
Xander held the sword in his left hand, and with a deep grin he said - his sinister eyes boring into Buffy's, "I'm Immortal, more so than any vampire could hope to be." Rapidly Xander took a step forward, and swung his right arm, smashing a backhanded punch directly across Buffy's right cheek before she could even react. Their was a moan of pain as she shot backward through the air, a light crack indicating the bone in her face got hurt. The SiTs parted aside smoothly, as Buffy landed painfully on the low table in front of the tv and tumbled onward. The motion sent Caleb's head, lying on that very same table, rolling to the floor. Buffy smashed into the couch, which started keeling backward, until it collided with the wall and bounced back. Buffy rolled back off the couch banging her head painfully on the table, before dropping to the floor in pain. She moaned out, tears streaming down her eyes, as she moved her head to look up.
Xander casually walked forward, smiling. Spike vamped out, and got ready to attack Xander, but he just nailed Spike to the floor with a terrifying gaze, a big smile present. He told the vampire, "Go ahead, make my day." Spike stayed put, his demonic visage retreated. "That's a good boy, too self-centered to help your loved one, right, Spike?" Spike growled but stayed put. Xander laughed and reached Buffy. He casually pointed at Caleb's head, the crow still on his shoulder cawed in satisfaction, and ruffled its feathers. "That says I have killer instincts as well, that's three out of five already, as for speed, did you see me light the crow out there?" Xander nodded his head to the scorched lawn outside the broken window. Buffy looked up at him with tears in her eyes, sobbing lightly. "I don't think holding a gymnastics contest is necessary anymore, but rest assured, I am also more agile than you are. Well, Buffy, I guess that means I'm in charge then."
Xander then turned around with a grand gesture, and asked, "Now who here thinks Buffy is smarter than me, that she has greater tactical and strategic insights than I do?"
Nobody answered, except Spike who thought this was a safe time to show his support for the girl he had wrapped around his finger. He lifted his right hand and said, "I . . ." He didn't get further than that. Xander smoothly switched the sword to his right hand, and lashed out, cutting off Spike's raised hand at the wrist. With a scream of pain Spike staggered back, as the severed hand dusted before it hit the floor. Everyone looked at the downed vampire in shock, most had barely seen Xander move.
"Nobody at all," Xander stated and turned around to look at the shocked Buffy, who was looking at Spike nursing his handless wrist. "I'm not surprised." Xander stepped over the low table, crouched down and put his made-up face directly in front of the face of the weeping Buffy. "Just to make it clear, Buff. That little immature bully behavior, showing off who's stronger here, has absolutely nothing to do with who's supposed to be in charge." Xander tapped his right index finger against the side of his head, and added, "When it comes to the leader, only what's up in here counts, and with you there's nothing, nothing but an immature, selfish, little bitch." Buffy looked shocked and pained at Xander's accusation. "You like to save the world, but only as long as it compliments your ego, and as long as your present boyfriends looks good. You have no capacity to second guess your opponents, to handle uncertainty; and that's exactly what it means to be mature: handling uncertainty. You plan for it, you deliberately do something to out maneuver the uncertainty, but you always, always know that no matter what you do there will always be uncertainty, things might go wrong, so on before hand you decide what to do when things do go wrong. But you can't do that, the only thing on you mind is: 'Huh, I Slayer, I kick down door, I swing fists, I kill demon.' That you could get your head blown off charging in without knowing what's there doesn't even enter in your pitiful mind. You're nothing but a foot soldier, the only leading you should be doing is cheerleading." Buffy looked up in the enraged, dark eyes of Xander, and watched as the crow cawed. Somehow Buffy knew the crow was not being friendly. She broke down in sobs and crying, lowering her face to the floor ignoring the pain and the healing tingle in her jaw and cheek bone.
Xander held out his hand, and said, "Riley's number, give it to me."
Buffy weakly shook her head. "In my room," she muttered almost inaudibly.
"When you're done crying like a little girl, go fetch it," Xander told her none too friendly, and then he got up, and stepped back over the table. He smiled at Kim, and handed her her sword, "Thanks for lending it too me." Kim nodded with awe on her face, and took the sword back.
"All right then," Xander said looking around the room. "Are we ready to stop getting our asses kicked?" There were several enthusiastic whoops. Xander smiled, and asked a little louder, "Are we ready to kick some intangible ass instead?" Now the whole room of SiTs burst into a loud roar of approval, even Faith and Dawn joined in. The more seasoned members looked rather astounded.
"Good, settle down," Xander called out, a smile on his face, looking around the room. "First we'll honor two of our comrades with a proper burial, then we go see about the First and his little plans, so get yourselves ready."
The atmosphere dampened a little, but quickly the SiTs nodded enthusiastically and they started up the stairs to their rooms, leaving only the Scoobies, the new non-potential fighters, Kennedy staying close to Willow for now, and Spike. Kennedy looked at Willow and then stalked off. Xander noticed but didn't comment. "Faith, Wood," Xander called, then turned to Spike, and walked over to him. "How's your hand?" Xander asked with an evil grin at the vampire still sitting on his ass nursing his healing wrist. Spike looked up at Xander with hatred, and Xander grinned deeper checking out Spike's remaining hand. "Seem's just fine to me." Xander bent down and pulled Spike off the ground and marched him toward the entrance to the basement.
"Bloody hell! I've got a soul now, and I beat the trigger," Spike wined, his feet kicking at empty air trying to find a foot hold.
"I don't care. I'm going to torture you to death, you sick son of a bitch, that's a promise," Xander said and casually dropped him down the stairs, watching with a big grin as the blonde vampire tumbled painfully down the stairs.
"He's mine," Robin hissed coldly.
"No, he's mine," Xander stated casually, and looked over at the black man. "He only killed your mother . . ."
Robin got angry and was about to interrupt, Faith gave him an angry look, and said, "Let him finish."
Xander inclined his head bird-like in thanks, and continued, "I had to live with him for four years, while my self-esteem, and self-worth was taken from me by some damn monks, /and/ he got /me/, /ME/, killed. Indirectly, but still. Besides, I'm not in the mood for petty revenge at the moment, we've got bigger things to worry about, like righting the biggest wrong here: the First Evil. We'll deal with the vamp after we're finished with the First . . . Tell you what though, I let you watch, and perhaps even let you help me out."
Robin's angry face suddenly turned into a big grin, "Deal."
"Come on," Xander said and casually hopped down the stairs. Behind him several of the others watched with uncertainty. Robin and Faith followed him down, where Xander was rapidly chaining Spike to a wall.
When he was done, Xander turned around and said, "Faith, you're in charge of keeping him guarded. Make sure whoever it is knows to stay away from the sneaky bastard, and absolutely not talk to him. They need to have a way to sound giant alarm if he manages to get loose, got it?" Faith nodded. "Good." Xander turned to Wood. "You keep an eye on him as well, but that's /all/ you'll be doing, understood?" He nodded as well. Then Xander nodded in satisfaction, and went back up the stairs.
*****
As Robin, Xander, and Faith went downstairs Willow watched Kennedy walk away to the kitchen. Andrew standing off to the left, just looked around nervously, hoping the scary version of Xander Harris didn't have an axe to grind with him too. Willow was torn for a moment, and then followed her girlfriend into the kitchen. She saw Kennedy stand in front of the kitchen window, arms folded in front of her chest. "Kennedy," Willow said softly, uncertain. She walked over to the dark-haired potential, and added, "I'm sorry."
Kennedy didn't say a thing, she just kept staring, and Willow stayed silent, waiting nervously. Finally Kennedy turned, smiled at Willow, and said, "Apology accepted." Willow was about to say something, but Kennedy put her arms away from her chest, and said, "I have to say, I found it very shocking you pushed me aside while two words from a guy can bring you to a standstill." Again Willow wanted to say something, but Kennedy shook her head, and continued, "I understand. He's your best friend, you've known him for over fifteen years, and you've known me for only a few months. I hope one day I'll mean that much to you."
Willow stayed silent, she saw in Kennedy's eyes she wanted to say more. She took a step forward, looked Willow straight in the eyes, and said, "I'm a brat."
"N-no, of course . . ." Willow started wanting to reassure her girlfriend she was a good person.
Kennedy shook her head, and said, "No, Willow, I am, or at least I was." Kennedy sighed at her own introspection. "I've been sure of everything all my life, Willow . . . until Xander died and I had no idea about how to cheer you up. I even resented you for it." Willow looked a little stunned at Kennedy's confession, and stayed silent. Kennedy spoke onward, "I was cocky, self-absorbed, thought I was oh so mature, and then the world bashed me over the head with a giant sledge hammer several times. People I cared about died, that was a first for me, the slayer I practically idolized turned out not to be such an idol . . . Did I sent Chloe to her death?"
"We all did," Willow answered softly. "We should have taught all of you much sooner ways to not fall for its manipulations."
Kennedy nodded weakly, "I was far too eager to take Buffy's explanation: Chloe was stupid." Kennedy shook her head. "I screwed up. First time I admit that."
"We've all screwed up, some more than others," Willow replied, her eyes filled with a mixture of emotions that Kennedy couldn't fully decipher.
Kennedy walked over to the redhead and gently wrapped her arms around her neck, and looked deeply into her eyes. "Something Xander just said struck me," Kennedy started, and Willow listened intently. "He said that maturity is the ability to handle uncertainty, to plan for it, to accept it. I've been extremely immature. Uncertainty didn't exist for me, I wished I would never be uncertain again. Uncertainty is only going to grow isn't it? You're previous lovers, Oz and Tara, what I know of them . . . they are the exact opposite of what I am. Mature, calm, collected, wise beyond their years, humble; perhaps I'm better for you, perhaps only now, perhaps you'll outgrow the need for me in a few years, months even?"
"Ken . . ." Willow tried to say something.
Kennedy smiled as she interrupted Willow, "I don't mind." Willow looked into the dark-haired girl's eyes, and saw the rawness there. "It's time I grew up, isn't it? We'll take things one day at a time."
"Careful," Willow said with a smile. "Don't want to get to mature and collected, or I'll have to dumb you for one of the younger, childish models to corrupt and have fun with."
Kennedy laughed out loud, "Oh, don't worry, baby. I'm not turning into a stick in the mud anytime soon." She then leaned forward and ferociously kissed Willow. Willow kissed her back with the same fiery passion.
*****
Xander, Faith, and Robin came back into the living room, and Xander saw Buffy still sobbing on the floor, Dawn and Giles trying to comfort her. "Stop crying like you're a little girl," Xander spat out angrily. Buffy looked up weakly. "Go upstairs and change, or are you not even going to be at the funeral of the girls you sent their deaths?"
Buffy nodded weakly and got up, walking toward the stairs. Xander casually followed her with his gaze. Faith and Robin looked at Xander. "Aren't you being a little harsh?" Robin asked perturbed. "Staying harsh I mean, isn't the whole lesson thing over?"
Xander turned his head, much farther than an ordinary human should be able to, and smiled eerily at Robin. Once again the make-up sent a thrill through his nervous system. "I'm not nearly harsh enough," he told Robin. Xander looked around the living room and noticed Anya sitting there in a chair, pale, and looking with fear at Xander. Xander raised his eyebrows, and asked gently, "Anya? Is something wrong?" Anya seemed to go rigid and tried to push further back, but since the chair was standing against a wall she accomplished nothing. "Anya?" Xander asked again and took a step toward, which seemed to make her try harder to get away.
Dawn joined Xander and she told him softly, "She thinks you're evil, every crow being evil."
Xander blinked, and then thought to the crow, *Leave us for a while, go patrol the perimeter.* The crow cawed, and flew away from Xander's shoulder. He then slowly walked toward Anya, kneeling down. "Hey, Anya," Xander whispered gently, placing a hand on one of hers. She pulled it back fearfully. "Don't worry, I'm not evil, I won't hurt you."
"You're worse than evil," Anya squealed out hysterically. "Leave me alone, you disgusting thing!"
"It's me, Xander, you're ex-fiancee," Xander tried, feeling his heart break at the fear with which the woman he once loved, and still very deeply cared for looked at him.
Anya shook her head, "You're not him. You've twisted him! My Xander would never turn into a sick thing like you."
Xander looked back at Faith, and said, "Faith, get me a wet towel." The Slayer nodded, and bolted up the stairs with huge strides.
"I don't think you can convince her, what does it matter?" Giles asked somewhat emotionlessly.
Xander looked up at him, and answered with narrowed eyes, "We can't afford someone on our side so scared of the leader she can't get up out of a chair." A moment later Faith arrived back down, and handed the wet towel to Xander, who promptly wiped the make up from his face. "Anya, see? That's just make up. I came back from the dead to set the wrong things right, yes, but I'm not sickening or evil." Anya shook her head in disbelief. "If I were evil, Ahn, you and everybody in here would have already been dead." Anya looked down at Xander, wondering for a moment. "I can show you," Xander said gently, reaching out for her head, holding his hand still far away. "You know this is me, look at me with you human senses and instincts, baby. Throw away that demon conditioning, and really look at me, look into my eyes, look past the surface." Anya blinked, and looked, but shied away again. "Trust me, I can show you." Slowly Xander continued the motion of his hand, and Anya looked with fear at it, but did not turn away. Xander placed his hand gently on her forehead, and then pored into her his impressions of the last few days, before taking it away.
Dawn sighed with relief when she noticed Anya not running and screaming around like a mad woman. The blonde just looked on, eyes wide in shock, and then looked over at Xander. "That can't lie," Xander told her.
Anya looked closer at Xander, frowning, and then she shot forward wrapping her arms around Xander's neck. "Oh, Xander, that really is you, you're not evil?" Xander gave a confirmation, and suddenly Anya's happiness faded, and she hissed, "That bitch!"
"I know, don't worry, she'll get hers," Xander told her and then slowly let her go. "You ok?" Anya nodded. "Good, get ready for a funeral then." Xander got back up, and told his shadows, "Go fetch the others, I want to talk to Willow, and then we'll go to the cemetery."
Xander walked into the kitchen and found Willow and Kennedy kissing. He smiled, and said, "Sorry to interrupt, but can I cut in?"
The witch and the potential broke apart, and smiled back at him. Kennedy broke away from Willow and walked over to Xander, and looked up at him somewhat intimidated. Xander raised his eyebrows at her, but then Kennedy reached up and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for saving my life, and saving all of ours by stepping in here," Kennedy told him with an intense look.
"No problem, Kennedy, although I know a better way to thank me: also requires the use of your lips," he returned with a grin, and gave her a wiggle with his eyebrows.
"Xander!" Willow half shrieked. "Not only is she my girlfriend, she's also a lesbian!" Kennedy laughed out loud.
"Exactly, no chance of getting slapped," Xander answered Willow's protest, the grin growing even wider, as Kennedy left the kitchen still snickering.
Xander took several steps and placed himself on a stool at the table, his grin fading. "That wasn't a very nice performance out there, Willow."
The witch looked down in shame, and slowly walked forward and sat down on her own stool. "It got to me, you and I, we've stood by her, protected her, fought side by side her every step of the way, and then she chooses that . . . that . . . /vampire/ above you, and thus above me, and her sister, and . . ." Willow trailed off and looked up at Xander. "I just wanted her to pay . . ."
"Nothing wrong with that," Xander told her gently. "Those very feelings are part of what brought me back from the dead. Using magic isn't bad either, what is bad is losing so much control you ignore your friends, and bash your girlfriend aside." Willow looked down in shame again. "Do you know why you have so little self-control?"
Willow looked up in some surprise, and whispered, "No."
"You lack balance," Xander stated calmly, smiling lightly. "You've always been focusing on one type of magic, one type of use for magic, one type of emotion to unleash it. Tara was no slouch with magic, and not weak either, have you ever seen her eyes go black?" Willow shook her head. "This is what I want you to try, Willow. Research the different modes of magic, try to find a way to tap into your magic without your eyes going black, try to find that balance, once you have that, I'll bet you'll no longer lose yourself into it so easily anymore. Can you do that for me, Willow?"
"Yeah, I can try," Willow answered, looking up at the smiling Xander. "Since when did you get so wise?"
"I died and resurrected so fast Jesus is pissed off I broke his record. That's quite a philosophical event," Xander half-joked, smiling widely. "Met this entity on the other side, he was the balance to the FE's yin and His yang - whoever the hell that is - whose enjoining created the universe, apparently. Guy kept on talking and talking, I told him to get to a point, now that I look back at it, I realize he probably didn't utter word that wasn't a point in and of itself."
Willow blinked and digested that information, and then asked, "Xander? Have you ever wondered why we resurrected Buffy?"
"Actually . . . no. Why?" Xander answered intrigued.
"Because," Willow started her explanation empathically, getting worked up, "I've been thinking about this, ever since I did the memory restoration spell, I admit I've followed Buffy around like a puppy for some time, but I always had at least somewhat a sense of myself. Then Dawn arrives, and neither of us give a peep when Buffy decided to keep what she knew about Dawn between her and Giles, like we're somehow inferior and need to be protected from the big bad world out there, while only months before we had a giant fight over that very issue.
"Just months before we resurrected Buffy, we were lecturing Dawn why you don't resurrect people. And voila, we're resurrecting her, moaning constantly about how we needed her. But why did we need her? I hurt Glory, a god, while Buffy didn't even put a scratch on her, I was already more powerful, and more deadly than Buffy could ever hope to be. You were no slouch with fighting either, Tara had quite some magic ability, and then there was Spike; as long as we made sure it was in his best interests to work with us, he would follow us like a good little puppy. Hell, I could have given him his soul back then . . ."
"Which wouldn't have changed a thing as far as Spike is concerned," Xander interrupted for a moment. "Think about it, when has the bastard shown even one moment of change. He's still wants to be in Buffy's pants and he still doesn't care about anything else. Soul, or no soul, Spike is evil to the core of his existence."
"I suppose, yeah, I haven't really seen a change," Willow thought it over, before continuing. "Add the Buffybot, and answer me, why would we need Buffy to fight battles for us? Why were we so blinded, so utterly needy, and dependent that we'd breach the very rule we'd been teaching Dawn only months before?"
"Those monks," Xander hissed.
"No," Willow stated immediately. "What would the monks need with totally needy, pathetic fighters protecting their precious key? I do think they've messed with our loyalty quite a bit, but I don't really remember being that needy of Buffy before her death, or after her resurrection. This was caused by a different spell, one /we/ did about the same time."
"The enjoining ritual," Xander said with revelation. "The First Slayer came after us because we tapped into her power."
Willow nodded vigorously, "But we were never supposed to, even though we talked about it like we did. Remember the idea you blurted out." Xander nodded. "/We/ were meant to be enjoined, of the First Slayer was never mentioned. Giles and I, or just me, or just him, we screwed up the spell, we pulled upon power and beings that were long dead." Willow then quickly recited a spell, after a small light show, she asked, "What do you see?" Xander watched at Willow, seeing black blotches throughout her body.
Xander looked at Willow questioningly, and wondered out loud, "You're black magic trip?"
Willow pulled a small mirror from a pocket in her clothes and held it up. Xander saw the same blotches in himself, then she pointed at the living room. Xander turned around, pushed open the door slightly, and looked, he saw Giles, having the same black blotches, and then Kennedy and a few more potentials coming down the stairs, ready for the funeral; they had one tiny little black dot right on their foreheads, then Faith; completely black. Xander turned back to Willow with wide eyes. She recited a spell and his vision returned to normal. "The Slayer Essence," Xander whispered.
"This wasn't supposed to happen, Xander, it's why we've got this telepathic connection with each other, somehow during the enjoining, we didn't just fuse with Buffy, something of the Slayer fused with us, and it did not properly return, it got fragmented over us," Willow explained timidly. "I screwed it up again."
"Two slayers, then we fragment the Slayer Essence even more, Buffy dies - probably restoring some of the balance - but we're somehow still connected, the pieces of Slayer Essence inside of us screamed to be reunited, so we resurrected her, shattering any semblance of balance," Xander stated in revelation.
Willow nodded and replied, "Exactly, that's probably the imbalance that eye explained to Giles and Anya."
"Then I go die and resurrect myself, that couldn't be good for the Slayer Essence either. Explains why they haven't just blown up the house like they did the Watchers' Council, or why the Ubervamp left Buffy alive: kill us, kill Buffy, and you remove the imbalance," Xander mused, quite taken aback by the implications. Willow nodded her head in agreement. "We have to restore it, put it all back into one Slayer."
"You want to make Buffy the only slayer again?" Willow asked somewhat taken aback. "Put Faith's stuff back into Buffy?"
Xander looked at her, shook his head, and said, "Hey! Stop with the Buffy butt monkey already! Of course not, we take Buffy's, mine, yours, and Giles' stuff and put it all in Faith. Buffy was six foot under, she's already shown she has no sense of tactics . . . and Faith was supposed to be the one and only Slayer anyway."
Willow nodded, saying, "You're right, of course you're right."
"The Slayer Essence," Xander mused, frowning, "what was it that Buffy had said those men did to create the Slayer?"
"The heart of a demon, they placed the essence of a demon inside the girl," Willow answered timidly.
Xander looked intently at Willow, thinking it over. "I know putting all of our pieces of the puzzle in Faith is a tall order already, for someone who doesn't want to do magic," Xander argued gently, "but Willow, do you think you can purify the Slayer Essence at the same time? Throw out all the demonic stuff, and make it human, souled, without sacrificing any of the strength, speed, agility, predatory instincts, and prophetic dreams of the Slayers?"
"I, I . . . I don't know," Willow answered daunted. "I would have to do lots of research."
Xander grabbed Willow's hands gently, lending her his strength, "Do it, and keep this secret, the First hasn't been visible to everyone while he was around, don't want him finding out while he's walking around the house invisible to everyone." Willow nodded, feeling more confident with Xander's intent, strength sharing gaze.
Willow was struck by her best friend's clean face, and the difference it held with the painted mask he had worn earlier. She reached out with her right hand and let her fingers slide along his cheek. "This looks much better. Why did you paint that mask on you, anyway? I thought you hated clowns?"
Xander looked surprised, and remembered the little girl and her question. He smiled ruefully, and answered, "Strange, I never really saw it as a clown mask, I thought of it as a mask of Pain, of Sorrow, of Grief, of Rage . . . of Death, I just wanted my face to permanently reflect what I was feeling, and I painted that."
Willow gave him a sad smile, then they hugged for a moment.
Dawn had just opened the door and looked at the two of them, and interrupted them, as she asked, "Xander, can I talk to you alone?"
Xander looked at Willow. She nodded and got up, leaving the other two alone. Xander smiled, "Well, Dawnster, what do you want to talk to me about?"
Dawn stayed standing, and said, "Buffy." Xander's face immediately went sour. "I heard what you want to do to Spike, and about him I say 'Go, Xander', but . . . Look, I know she's been stupid, she's self-absorbed . . . I felt it too, and I know you and others have been hurt by her far more then I was, but . . ." Dawn hesitated, looking into Xander's dark eyes, his head cocked to the side. ". . . . She's still my sister, Xan; please don't kill her."
Xander got up slowly, and answered, "I'm going to make her pay. I haven't figured out yet just how I punish her best, but rest assured; I won't kill her, and I won't torture her to death . . . I /won't/ be /that/ /lenient/." Then Xander walked off into the living room, leaving a stunned Dawn.
He walked over to the considerable number of potentials, all wearing black, waiting for him and the rest. Buffy came down the stairs weakly. She watched Xander scrutinize her coldly, and hold out a hand. She placed the paper with Riley's number in his outstretched hand and Xander looked at it, realizing something. "Buffy," he prompted. The blonde looked up at him with empty eyes. "When you had Spike's chip removed, who was there?"
"A-a, uh, a squadron of soldiers, why?" Buffy asked with an empty voice.
"Armed?" Xander asked. Buffy nodded. "Did Riley give them any orders?"
Buffy frowned and thought back. "They had to follow my judgement."
Xander looked at her incredulously, "Are you telling me, that you had a squadron of armed to the teeth soldiers, experience demon hunters, under your command? That you could have asked them to stay and fight with us, get us supplies, perhaps even more soldiers to join us, and they would follow your orders? You constantly are harping on and on about being a general and turn these girls into an army, and you had an actual real army, experienced demon hunters, fully armed at your command, and you just sent them away?" Buffy looked up at him, saying noting, doing nothing. When he put it that way, it seemed rather weird. She had never thought of it back then. "They mopped up your little blondie bear, and then you just sent them away?" Buffy looked at him with resentment, as she felt the other potentials look at her with anger; she practically felt the daggers slice into her body. Xander chuckled, then laughed. The tone of his laughter filled with disbelief and disgust, as he shook his head with the same emotions.
He quickly went to a private room and picked up the phone. Someone sounding decidedly not military picked up. "Look," Xander interrupted the woman harshly. "This is Harris. Tell Agent Finn we need a full compliment of demon hunters, armed to the teeth, and with full supplies here, it would be nice if he and his wife came along as well. Tell him this is the big leagues, tell him something worse than the devil himself wishes to end the world." The woman hadn't been able to get a word in, and now she didn't have time to utter a reply before Xander hung up the phone. He returned to the main living room, and looked at everybody present. "Everyone ready? Let's go then."
Next Chapter 8: The Power of Three