Pyle: Hey guys, sorry this chapter took so fuggin long to get out. There's been a lot of problems with the computer and a bunch of girl problems. Mainly girl shit. Also, you know what I think? Whoever said true love doesn't have to be bought was a fucking IDIOT.

Me: Boo-friggidy hoo.

Tiumi: Hey, we've got a lecture to tell here. Or, more bluntly. SHUTTHEHELLUP!

Pyle: I spent two and a half years of my life on Jessica, and all she does is talk to that dumbass Gary now.

Me: Don't let him start.

Pyle: Another note to make is that my keyboard is not working correctly. You will constantly find wrds without the letter "o" in them in the story. The space bar just plain doesn't work anymore, so I'm doing a little copy and paste thing between each word.

Tiumi: It's harder then it sounds.

Me: Sounds pretty hard.

Pyle: Oh yeah. Anyone seen "School of Rock?". I LOVE THAT MOVIE. I worship it. I am going to buy the DVD and VHS.

Me: I hope you die sometime in your life.

Tiumi: I intend to live forever. So far so good.

Pyle: Anyways, the story is starting. Try not to act as stupid as usual, okay?

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"Hey, Cloud, want some cookies?" asked Sephy. I mean Sephiroth. Sephy sure does sound like a wussy name doesn't it?

Cloud was tied up in like fifty chains so the only thing you could see was his hands, feet, and head. "What kind? I mean, wait a minute, I bet they're poisoned"

"Oh, don't worry, I baked em myself. They're pretty damn good actually" Sephy munched on a Snickerdoodle. Just then a loud beeping noise went off. "My cherry-rhubarb pie!" he shouted in a shocked tone.

"Hold this sword for a sec will ya?" Sephy handed Cloud his sword, then turned and rushed away. Cloud was struck dumbfound for a moment. What kind of stupidass villain left his enemy take his weapon from him? Sephiroth did apparently. Apparently also, he liked strawberry rhubarb pie.

What a dumbass.

Sephy came back with a couple of slices of pie. The chains binding Cloud dropped right off. He collapsed to the floor one foot from the pie. "You could have just said 'please'" murmured Sephy, munching on his slice of pie.

Cloud took a bite. Sephiroth may have been a stupid son of a bitch, but he could sure as hell cooked good.

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"Hey you guys, shouldn't we be like, searching for Cloud?" asked Tifa. She was in a really revealing bikini. ULTRA-HOT, in other words. Yuffie was sitting next to her, also looking ULTRA-HOT.

"I don't want to" moaned Yuffie. "This seems like a much better thing to do then find Cloud"

Tifa glared at her. "I can't believe your just going to abandon him! He's probably in some cold, dark dungeon, fighting for life while he is tortured to death" Tifa said in Shakespear style.

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"BS" muttered Sephy, shoving the pile of cards in Cloud's direction.

"Shit!" shouted Cloud. "I suck at this game!"

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"For some reason, I don't think so" replied Yuffie. "Cloud's big and dumb. If he wants to, he'll come crawling back to us"

Tifa sighed. "I guess your right. In the meantime, will you put this tan lotion on me?" Tifa produced a bottle of white lotion.

Yuffie grinned. "Certainly"

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"So, Sephy, why are you trying to destroy the planet anyway?" asked Cloud.

Sephy th- I mean SEPHIROTH - thought about that for a moment. And then for a minute. Then for a couple of hours. "Well, doesn't it sound cool?"

Cloud thought about that for a moment. Then he ate a slice of pie. "Your right. It IS pretty cool" he agreed. "But no one will thinks its cool if they are all dead"

"Oh my god, your RIGHT!" Sephy stood up. "I'll put a stop to it at once"

A/N: Right now, something weird has happened to my screen. The entire thing has turned a tinted yellow. My computer is fucked UP! Until I get a new monitor and keyboard, I plan to postpone this fic.

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Pyle: Whoa. This computer is like, melting down.

Me: Perhaps it's because you created it entirely out of old 'American Pie' VHS tapes and Petroleum Jelly?

Tiumi: We eagerly await the 12 and a half hour Final Fantasy XI patch to finish so that we may continue playing. Happy holidays everyone. I am now level 17.