Part Two
"I can't take it anymore!" Battousai howled frothing and raging at the bars. He alternated between trying to tear his ears off and threatening to kill the offending singers.
They weren't that bad, honest. Okay, a trio of donkeys could do better, but they were trying. Unfortunately they couldn't seem to come together on anything. All three were off key constantly, but never at the same time. Yahiko's voice kept cracking, puberty strikes again! Sano's baritone might have been nice if he actually remembered more than a third of the words. Kamatari... well, I'll not go there.
When they finished, looking pleased to have wrecked deafness on all within earshot, I dutifully applauded. Of course, I had to gently remind Miss Kaoru to do that same. Battousai glowered at me for encouraging them and I wondered if I would ever look at Silent Night the same way again.
"Come on Kenshin." Miss Kaoru insisted, tugging on my shirt. I lightly touched her hand to get her attention. Yep, that did the trick. She instantly flushed pink and looked at me timidly. In respond, just a trifle guilty, I smiled and allowed her to drag me into the church.
"You're whipped. She can guilt trip you into anything! That's pathetic." Battousai sneered and I shot him a dirty look, deeming his actions not worthy of more strenuous punishment.
We all filed in quietly, filled with the awe at the church decoration. Idly I wondered who had done it. Someone who possessed flawless taste. It was warm yet refined reflecting a quiet beauty with a multitude of candles flickering. Then it hit me. Aoshi. That was far more terrifying than the terrible trio toodling along.
"Did Father Aoshi do all this by himself Miss Kaoru?" I whispered as we were seated. She nodded, stilling looking around wide-eyed. She whispered back, "I see it every year and I'm still surprised. Oh, I'm sure Megumi helped. She wouldn't stoop so low as to help us decorate the bar."
Aoshi started off the sermon with a strong message of how we should bless this holy night and moved right into why we should be everlastingly grateful for the sacrifices made so that we would be free of sin.
I sat with rapt attention, not on the sermon, but still astounded that the man could speak in whole sentences in a loud, clear, almost-motivating voice. For hours. Of course, my butt didn't appreciate it nearly so much as I did and neither did Battousai. Whine, piss, and moan, couldn't he shut up for a moment? I was trying to listen here. I determined that Aoshi's voice did indeed have a slight northern accent to it and that he might actually have a decent singing voice.
"Amen."
"Thank God." I replied that I believe that was the whole point of us attending mass.
I complimented Aoshi on the decoration. He looked me over with those cool eyes before accepting the compliment whole-heartedly. Okay, he gave me a nonplus expression then walked off, but it would be nice if head recognized my compliment! Jerk!
"Hey!" Yumi squealed in outrage and I turned to see her jump on Kamatari tugging fitfully. "Those are mine. How dare you steal my earrings!"
Kamatari threatened to topple over under the furious woman's assault and weight. Now, you have to consider that most of that is up front and that front was bearing down on the slender cross dresser forcefully.
"Finders keepers. Darling, you shouldn't leave your things lying around so carelessly. Someone with light fingers might make off with them."
There was a furious screech of outrage at that statement. I swear she was going to the eyes nothing barred. Chou and Soujirou were looking on with amusement. Well, I assume it was amusement for Soujirou. Did his smile seem just a bit wider and joyful?
It all happened in slow motion. How cliché. Actually it was incredibly fast. One moment the two are struggling over the silver hoops and the next they were on fire. Human torches. Well, screaming, panicking, and howling human torches. Where was the mute button? The smell of burning clothing and flesh permeated the air and we all gagged.
"Well, aren't you going to go save them Hero? It's what you do after all." Battousai yawned. Oh yeah, save them, I forgot.
Rushing forward I was a bit too late. A new experience, I don't think I liked it much. Father Aoshi practically melted out of the woodwork with holy water in hand. With one swift fling both were comparable to drowned rats. It took Kamatari a whole ten seconds to realize that he had a slight problem.
"You're... you're bald!" Yumi wheezed, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the flames rapidly spreading throughout the church.
"My hair!" Kamatari bawled clutching his egghead. Little bits of soggy ash and burnt hair flaked off.
"Proble' here." Chou said in a panic. He was spitting futility trying to quench the flames. Soujirou, still with a smile plastered widely on his face remarked amiably, "I think you need more water."
Well no shit.
Misao, afraid that her favorite priest was going to go up in a fiery ball of flames, sallied forth to save him. Too bad it backfired. The sheets of flames, licking their chops happily, had taken over the old, seasoned wood like it was chocolate. They circled her, intended to add a bit of spice to their meal.
Heedless she bounded forward until jerked back. Saitoh, never short on nerve nor resolute, had grabbed her braid and yanked. He wasn't particularly gentle either. She turned around with knives drawn, but the Wolf had more pressing problems.
"What kind of sheriff are you anyway? Where's your fire brigade? This is a holy sanctuary! You can't just let it burn down." Master berated, just out of reach of the greedy flames. He was sipping brandy. I could see Saitoh staring at his cup and envisioned the result. Whoosh! Roasty, toasty Master served with chili or fries.
Before I could run some interference I was trampled. Literally.
'Damn it! That was our spine!'
Sano was apparently not only afraid of horses, but fire as well. He was running around like, well, a chicken with its head cut off.
"And you can't even control one little church session..." Master's voice droned in and out.
I turned my attention back to them only to have it yanked away again. There was Aoshi, cool as a cucumber, dragging what must have been a fifty pound metal cross straight through the worst of the inferno. The relic was tarnished with age and most likely the most valuable thing in the whole church. Meanwhile, Misao recovered from her abrupt cut off and was scuttling around with an armload of other objects. Was. In one fateful moment she tripped and the objects went flying... right through three or four costly stain glass windows.
Too much, too much. I couldn't keep track of it all. Saitoh hadn't killed Master yet, or vise versa. That was good. Misao was still conscious and gamely trying to save what looked like a stack of twenty or so hymn books. Sano was still rampaging, but it was on the other side of the church. Yahiko, Megumi, Chou, Soujirou, and Yumi had disappeared, presumably outside where it was safe. Miss Kaoru...
My jaw dropped downward and hit it's tether with an audible snapping sound. There was Miss Kaoru burnishing a flaming brand of what looked like it use to be part of a pew. She was furiously shaking it at my unconcerned master, threatening him no doubt.
But before I could rush to her aid, no telling what she could do if she were angry enough or what Master would do to piss her off even more, all hell broke loose. Well, I mean, it was pretty hectic before, but that was before things started to blow up and all.
Sano, still being himself, had run over Katsu, who had actually been helping to herd people out to safety. Imagine that. Well, shoot, he had been more useful than I had, gawking after every little event. Get it together Himura!
"You let him have bombs. You really are brainless." Master continued on his tirade as deafening blasts and flashing lights popped around us as the bombs hit the fire. Next time Katsu should make bombs that didn't roll. Square ones would be ideal. Could you make square bombs?
Needless to say, we were all lucky that the man wasn't carrying dynamite, because that stuff would've blown the church to High Heaven.
Aoshi appeared beside me with Misao in tow. He had Kamatari tucked neatly under one arm, no sign of the cross. Must have saved it already.
"Battousai, I suggest you grab your woman and retreat. The church is beyond saving." He advised in a bland tone, like his beloved church burned down every day. Sheesh.
But he had a point.I turned back to Miss Kaoru only to find that she had cornered Master with her flaming brand. She was shaking it aggressively and giving him a piece of her mind on every subject imaginable.
Unfortunately she shook it a little too vigorously. The torched end hit Master's brandy, sending the dark amber liquid soaring. Master, stupefied by the loss of his beloved alcohol, was drenched. I could just see Saitoh kicking an ember and whoosh!
'You should do it, forget the wolf.' Battousai urged. The pyromaniac in my was emerging.
"Oops." I said disarmingly, trying to drag the ranting Miss Kaoru away while keeping an eye out for Saitoh. I hoped that Missus Tokio was keeping a sharp lookout on the man, otherwise, I got the feeling Master was history. Or at least in for a fun trip to the clinic. I bet Miss Megumi would love to get back at him for his earlier remarks in the snowy street. "Miss Kaoru, you have to get out. Father Aoshi said that there is nothing to be done, that there is not."
I didn't add that this unworthy one didn't want to see her hurt and that it would pain him beyond compare. Too sappy? I suppose, and if I said it out loud she would only take it as an invitation to stay, either demanding to understand what I just said, or insisting that she wasn't a baby.
She looked at me reluctantly and lowered her voice, flaming brand and Master completely forgotten. "Kenshin, you're going to play hero again, aren't you? Well I'm staying! I can help too!"
Rather than argue, I stared at the burning beams. The fire had crept up on us. I glanced around noticing that Aoshi and Misao had disappeared as well as Master.
The smoke was thick and my eyes were watering like mad under the assault. Miss Kaoru hacked next to me. Instinctively I grabbed her hand and flew. Well, tried to. I only got half way down the short aisle before tripping. With the smoke clogging my senses I could hardly see where I was going.
"It's Katsu!" Miss Kaoru choked. The fire pressed in crackling and I could feel my heart beating madly. The whole place was threatening to collapse in on us if we dallied any more. There might be other people trapped, but saving then did no good if we died in the process.
'Good, you see the light.'
"I'm going to regret this."
'Don't give us the overburdened soul crap. Somethings are a fact of survival.' Battousai sneered shaking his head at my stupidity, 'Kill or be killed.'
Between us Miss Kaoru and I dragged Katsu's prone form out, driven by the heat, smoke, and flames. It would have been faster if I had done it alone, but then I couldn't guarantee that I could keep in touch with Miss Kaoru.
'Please, she's a big girl. Give her some credit. She lived quite awhile without you, or anyone else, holding her hand.'
Sano, once again his cheery, boisterous self took his buddy from us. I watched as he carefully gathered Katsu up and kept him out of the snow. The young man was rash, but he sure was loyal.
Thinking good thoughts about sometimes leads to misconceptions. That may be why my jaw dropped when he pulled out a bottle of communion wine and took a swing.
"When did you pilfer that?" Aoshi asked, deadpan. He didn't seem inclined to take it back now that Sanosuke had gotten hold of it. "Last I recall you were running around heedlessly."
"That moron," Saitoh snorted from beside Missus Tokio, looking a tad singed, "Would have a moment of clarity in the middle of his panic attack only to steal some cheap alcohol."
"Cheap, free alcohol." Sano amended.
"At least the boy knows his priorities." Hiko rumbled in slight approval. I resisted the urge to smack my head into the nearest solid object. I don't think Miss Kaoru would appreciate it much.
Yahiko limped out and looked at us strangely before hooting, "Ugly and Kenshin are holding hands!"
Miss Kaoru dropped my hand faster than a scalded cat and turned red. I, luckily, managed a pale shade of pink.
"That was not very nice Yahiko, that it was not." I reproved, but Miss Kaoru had other plans. She went after him like a dog that's been taunted one too many times by some obnoxious cat.
"Well, I do think that is the end of the church." Soujirou said with a wide smile. He was standing on the other side of Miss Kaoru.
"We'll just build another one sugar." Kamatari said dismissively, still patting his head. Yumi gave a sly look and taunted, "But it will be a long time coming, just like your hair. Ouch!"
Couldn't those two behave for just one moment? Neither seemed even regretful in the slightest that they just burned down the town church. In fact, it seemed totally forgotten.
A loose snowball launched past Yumi and hit Chou square in the face. He sputtered indignantly wiping the snow off his face, "'Ey, there weren't no call for that."
Wasn't that a double negative? So he was actually saying there was a call for it.
Soon there were stray balls flying everywhere. I prudently moved just out of reach and watched as Aoshi was nailed by accident. Miss Misao leapt to his defense with flailing limbs and flying balls. She was amazing, just a blur of pure furious energy. I watched as she nailed several people consecutively, all in vital areas. The girl's got talent, what can I say.
I watched with interest as Yahiko, Sano, the revived Katsu, and a few others battled it out.
'You should be watching Stick and Bones. Look, she's flirting with Smiley again.' Battousai adviced.
She is not, I retorted defensively only to look over. She was! She was sitting there chatting happily with the kid paying no attention to the beginings of the next town civil war or myself. Now, I know the world doesn't revolve around me and all, but I was hurt.
'She's lost interest. You and that unworthy bit has put her off. Damn, you should have done like I said. Ravish her.' Oro! I thought we were past that conversation.
They're talking about cows.
'You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?' Battousai grinned like a crazed ape or something.
This unworthy one would be happy if Miss Kaoru found someone, that he would, I forced out purposely doing my best to annoy him as he was me. He smirked and I knew he was unconvinced.
Fwap.
"Stupid student," Master said after getting my attention with a suspiciously hard packed ice ball, "You're letting her get away!"
I turned to explain that Miss Kaoru wasn't mine only to see him causally pick up a large clump of snow. He slowly, carefully packed it into an ice ball while maintaining an innocent pose. With startling speed he launched his missile and smacked Saitoh right in the face.
The Wolf glared at me. Eep. Master had silently moved so that the snowball couldn't have possibly come from his direction.
Unsure what Saitoh would do to me I backed up right into Soujirou.
"Mister Himura, would you like to join us? We were just discussing which breed of cow produces better milk used in butter."
No, I didn't. Especially since I was about to be creamed.
Luckily, Master just had to push his luck. He nailed the pissed guy again, giving himelf away. I wondered how Saitoh would react. Would he be utterly dignified and claim that such childish games were below him, or would he pick up some rocks at start chucking away?
To my surprise the return volley came not from the man, but from his wife. She smacked Hiko with two or three before smiling sweetly. Master stared at her dumbfounded and looking betrayed. That didn't last. His typical smirk returned full force and he scooped up some snow. This was going to spin out of control, I can see it now, all of us slaughtered by friendly-fire.
I started backing up when a voice startled me, "Kenshin, aren't you going to play too?"
Play? That wasn't playing. Miss Kaoru was too trusting, she didn't see the slaughter for what it truly was.
'Better protect her Hero.'
"It's okay, really. We do this all the time. No one ever gets hurt." Miss Kaoru assured me.
'Not being hurt and not letting people know you've been hurt are not the same thing. The clinic would be good incentive to lie.'
Speaking of, where was Miss Megumi?
Whap.
Battousai's mouth sagged and then snapped shut, 'Did...?'
Yup.
'You should have taken him out before!' Battousai howled and frothed. If there was one thing he hated it was being targeted. Well, it didn't make me all that happy either.
You want free reign?
'Damn straight. I'll make him pay!'
The rules.
He rolled his eyes like a disobedient juvenile and recited, 'No killing or maiming... but can't you make an exception or four?'
I watched as we flew forward. How was it his coordinating bested mine? It was the same body after all.
'Eat snow bastard!' Battousai howled throwing snow wildly, but with great aim. He targetted Aoshi first and I blinked. The man hadn't done a thing to provoke him, it was Master would had initiated the offense.
I noticed that some dangerous alliances were forming. The original offenders had banded together, along with Soujirou and Chou. Miss Kaoru, Saitoh, and Missus Tokio were together against Master. Miss Misao was valiantly defending her beloved Father Aoshi. Sano had grabbed Katsu and was using him as a human shield to take the hits. Yahiko had suspiciously disappeared.
Battousai? He was just being himself. The lone assassin.
There was a sound from up the hill and suddenly Frosty the snowman was on the attack. He rolled and tumbled to gain momentum and size to execute his killer attack. Yahiko peered down with his mouth in a silent 'oh' as the rampant giant snowball broke into three seperate pieces.
I watched in horror as it rolled towards Aoshi. Well, not in horror exactly. More like... well, that's just not nice. If you don't have anything nice to think, think it anyway! So I hoped he got it good and proper.
Miss Misao spotted the trouble and launched her missiles to intercept. The head and body were destroyed under her relentless onslaught of her furious snowball. The rather large butt barreled onwards not seeming to feel the stinging sensating in the tush. This is Reporter Kenshin, you heard it from me first.
'I can't believe you're part of me. I am ashamed. Let me show you how to do this right.'
Wait... I wasn't done!
'The malicious pile of rejected Frosty thundered down on the poor stupid weasel. Being true to her race of stupid weasels she stubbornly stood her ground, not unlike a certain ass we all know. With her short, stubby arms outflung in defiance to defend her gold idol of worship she saw doom soaring down to take her. Within seconds she would be flattened into roadkill, just as it should be....'
My turn.
'No way, I'm just getting warmed up.'
Just as the errand ball of snow was about to squish the poor damsel in distress a large body fell before her taking the blow. The young man crumpled beneath the oversized rump and the damsel rushed to his side, praising her hero.
'Okay, now shut up. I'm tired of this. You're giving me a headache with you're niceness.'
Miss Misao ran up to Sano with concern. Well, I thought it was concern. She planted a kick in his side and screamed, "You jerk! I could have handled that myself!"
"Ouch, ow, it wasn't my fault!" Sanosuke yelped and tried to avoid her vengeful foot. "Katsu pushed me!"
"You've been using me as a living shield. That's called payback. Actually, you owe me some money..." Katsu trailed off thoughtfully.
Battousai, bored of the almost-drama turned away and launched a snowball at the Wolf. Unfortunately he saw it coming and slid to the side. Miss Kaoru wasn't so lucky.
"Ken-shin." She hissed in a deadly voice and Battousai blinked. Before I could react he was back in his cage with the door safely locked and I was facing a wrathful Miss Kaoru.
Coward!
"I'm sorry Miss Kaoru! This unworthy one's hand slipped." I pleaded. She considered me for a moment before whipping out a plank. Three bashes later I was eating snow.
'Pick your battles wisely.' Battousai stated serenely. I could have throttled him if I wasn't numb from the waist. Instead I used the cattle prod.
"Why didn't you save me the same way Sano saved Misao?"
"Oro!"
A/N: My brother Rob was hilarious all through this chapter, helping me with the snowball fight. We've been having a blast not only with this but also Trust/Betrayal. We decided the whole Kenshin cast should be fruits (it started with Ms. Plum aka Tomoe). His only request was that Yahiko gets a bigger part *hooded look* Watch out, Meg finally shows, the last chapter has tons of her foxiness ^___^ If I left anyone out my deepest apologies, notepad doesn't like my mac's word and vise versa -.- Pieces of crap.
Fyyrrose: You haven't even given back BSR, not that I've written much more. I forgot my list of attacks so the fight will have to be delayed a bit. Rob replaced you here :) :)) Trees are evil and you haven't seen the last of Sano's tree! I love the stick, no dissing the stick! For it shall be mine. *wide grin* KL I am, nothing more. And if you keep harassing me I'll let a certain female werewolf live as well.
MissBehavin: Saitoh would love to get one person more than Kenshin :) He may just get the chance too. I'm in the giving mood after all it's the holiday season... NOT knowing would be infinately safer! Unless they were ponytas I agree!
Wistful-Eyes: Curse the vocab! Hex, scorn, cuss, swear at, jinx... Got to love B. Aha, you've seen through my not-so-veiled reference to the zanbatou. He needs another one, really *drool*.
"I can't take it anymore!" Battousai howled frothing and raging at the bars. He alternated between trying to tear his ears off and threatening to kill the offending singers.
They weren't that bad, honest. Okay, a trio of donkeys could do better, but they were trying. Unfortunately they couldn't seem to come together on anything. All three were off key constantly, but never at the same time. Yahiko's voice kept cracking, puberty strikes again! Sano's baritone might have been nice if he actually remembered more than a third of the words. Kamatari... well, I'll not go there.
When they finished, looking pleased to have wrecked deafness on all within earshot, I dutifully applauded. Of course, I had to gently remind Miss Kaoru to do that same. Battousai glowered at me for encouraging them and I wondered if I would ever look at Silent Night the same way again.
"Come on Kenshin." Miss Kaoru insisted, tugging on my shirt. I lightly touched her hand to get her attention. Yep, that did the trick. She instantly flushed pink and looked at me timidly. In respond, just a trifle guilty, I smiled and allowed her to drag me into the church.
"You're whipped. She can guilt trip you into anything! That's pathetic." Battousai sneered and I shot him a dirty look, deeming his actions not worthy of more strenuous punishment.
We all filed in quietly, filled with the awe at the church decoration. Idly I wondered who had done it. Someone who possessed flawless taste. It was warm yet refined reflecting a quiet beauty with a multitude of candles flickering. Then it hit me. Aoshi. That was far more terrifying than the terrible trio toodling along.
"Did Father Aoshi do all this by himself Miss Kaoru?" I whispered as we were seated. She nodded, stilling looking around wide-eyed. She whispered back, "I see it every year and I'm still surprised. Oh, I'm sure Megumi helped. She wouldn't stoop so low as to help us decorate the bar."
Aoshi started off the sermon with a strong message of how we should bless this holy night and moved right into why we should be everlastingly grateful for the sacrifices made so that we would be free of sin.
I sat with rapt attention, not on the sermon, but still astounded that the man could speak in whole sentences in a loud, clear, almost-motivating voice. For hours. Of course, my butt didn't appreciate it nearly so much as I did and neither did Battousai. Whine, piss, and moan, couldn't he shut up for a moment? I was trying to listen here. I determined that Aoshi's voice did indeed have a slight northern accent to it and that he might actually have a decent singing voice.
"Amen."
"Thank God." I replied that I believe that was the whole point of us attending mass.
I complimented Aoshi on the decoration. He looked me over with those cool eyes before accepting the compliment whole-heartedly. Okay, he gave me a nonplus expression then walked off, but it would be nice if head recognized my compliment! Jerk!
"Hey!" Yumi squealed in outrage and I turned to see her jump on Kamatari tugging fitfully. "Those are mine. How dare you steal my earrings!"
Kamatari threatened to topple over under the furious woman's assault and weight. Now, you have to consider that most of that is up front and that front was bearing down on the slender cross dresser forcefully.
"Finders keepers. Darling, you shouldn't leave your things lying around so carelessly. Someone with light fingers might make off with them."
There was a furious screech of outrage at that statement. I swear she was going to the eyes nothing barred. Chou and Soujirou were looking on with amusement. Well, I assume it was amusement for Soujirou. Did his smile seem just a bit wider and joyful?
It all happened in slow motion. How cliché. Actually it was incredibly fast. One moment the two are struggling over the silver hoops and the next they were on fire. Human torches. Well, screaming, panicking, and howling human torches. Where was the mute button? The smell of burning clothing and flesh permeated the air and we all gagged.
"Well, aren't you going to go save them Hero? It's what you do after all." Battousai yawned. Oh yeah, save them, I forgot.
Rushing forward I was a bit too late. A new experience, I don't think I liked it much. Father Aoshi practically melted out of the woodwork with holy water in hand. With one swift fling both were comparable to drowned rats. It took Kamatari a whole ten seconds to realize that he had a slight problem.
"You're... you're bald!" Yumi wheezed, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the flames rapidly spreading throughout the church.
"My hair!" Kamatari bawled clutching his egghead. Little bits of soggy ash and burnt hair flaked off.
"Proble' here." Chou said in a panic. He was spitting futility trying to quench the flames. Soujirou, still with a smile plastered widely on his face remarked amiably, "I think you need more water."
Well no shit.
Misao, afraid that her favorite priest was going to go up in a fiery ball of flames, sallied forth to save him. Too bad it backfired. The sheets of flames, licking their chops happily, had taken over the old, seasoned wood like it was chocolate. They circled her, intended to add a bit of spice to their meal.
Heedless she bounded forward until jerked back. Saitoh, never short on nerve nor resolute, had grabbed her braid and yanked. He wasn't particularly gentle either. She turned around with knives drawn, but the Wolf had more pressing problems.
"What kind of sheriff are you anyway? Where's your fire brigade? This is a holy sanctuary! You can't just let it burn down." Master berated, just out of reach of the greedy flames. He was sipping brandy. I could see Saitoh staring at his cup and envisioned the result. Whoosh! Roasty, toasty Master served with chili or fries.
Before I could run some interference I was trampled. Literally.
'Damn it! That was our spine!'
Sano was apparently not only afraid of horses, but fire as well. He was running around like, well, a chicken with its head cut off.
"And you can't even control one little church session..." Master's voice droned in and out.
I turned my attention back to them only to have it yanked away again. There was Aoshi, cool as a cucumber, dragging what must have been a fifty pound metal cross straight through the worst of the inferno. The relic was tarnished with age and most likely the most valuable thing in the whole church. Meanwhile, Misao recovered from her abrupt cut off and was scuttling around with an armload of other objects. Was. In one fateful moment she tripped and the objects went flying... right through three or four costly stain glass windows.
Too much, too much. I couldn't keep track of it all. Saitoh hadn't killed Master yet, or vise versa. That was good. Misao was still conscious and gamely trying to save what looked like a stack of twenty or so hymn books. Sano was still rampaging, but it was on the other side of the church. Yahiko, Megumi, Chou, Soujirou, and Yumi had disappeared, presumably outside where it was safe. Miss Kaoru...
My jaw dropped downward and hit it's tether with an audible snapping sound. There was Miss Kaoru burnishing a flaming brand of what looked like it use to be part of a pew. She was furiously shaking it at my unconcerned master, threatening him no doubt.
But before I could rush to her aid, no telling what she could do if she were angry enough or what Master would do to piss her off even more, all hell broke loose. Well, I mean, it was pretty hectic before, but that was before things started to blow up and all.
Sano, still being himself, had run over Katsu, who had actually been helping to herd people out to safety. Imagine that. Well, shoot, he had been more useful than I had, gawking after every little event. Get it together Himura!
"You let him have bombs. You really are brainless." Master continued on his tirade as deafening blasts and flashing lights popped around us as the bombs hit the fire. Next time Katsu should make bombs that didn't roll. Square ones would be ideal. Could you make square bombs?
Needless to say, we were all lucky that the man wasn't carrying dynamite, because that stuff would've blown the church to High Heaven.
Aoshi appeared beside me with Misao in tow. He had Kamatari tucked neatly under one arm, no sign of the cross. Must have saved it already.
"Battousai, I suggest you grab your woman and retreat. The church is beyond saving." He advised in a bland tone, like his beloved church burned down every day. Sheesh.
But he had a point.I turned back to Miss Kaoru only to find that she had cornered Master with her flaming brand. She was shaking it aggressively and giving him a piece of her mind on every subject imaginable.
Unfortunately she shook it a little too vigorously. The torched end hit Master's brandy, sending the dark amber liquid soaring. Master, stupefied by the loss of his beloved alcohol, was drenched. I could just see Saitoh kicking an ember and whoosh!
'You should do it, forget the wolf.' Battousai urged. The pyromaniac in my was emerging.
"Oops." I said disarmingly, trying to drag the ranting Miss Kaoru away while keeping an eye out for Saitoh. I hoped that Missus Tokio was keeping a sharp lookout on the man, otherwise, I got the feeling Master was history. Or at least in for a fun trip to the clinic. I bet Miss Megumi would love to get back at him for his earlier remarks in the snowy street. "Miss Kaoru, you have to get out. Father Aoshi said that there is nothing to be done, that there is not."
I didn't add that this unworthy one didn't want to see her hurt and that it would pain him beyond compare. Too sappy? I suppose, and if I said it out loud she would only take it as an invitation to stay, either demanding to understand what I just said, or insisting that she wasn't a baby.
She looked at me reluctantly and lowered her voice, flaming brand and Master completely forgotten. "Kenshin, you're going to play hero again, aren't you? Well I'm staying! I can help too!"
Rather than argue, I stared at the burning beams. The fire had crept up on us. I glanced around noticing that Aoshi and Misao had disappeared as well as Master.
The smoke was thick and my eyes were watering like mad under the assault. Miss Kaoru hacked next to me. Instinctively I grabbed her hand and flew. Well, tried to. I only got half way down the short aisle before tripping. With the smoke clogging my senses I could hardly see where I was going.
"It's Katsu!" Miss Kaoru choked. The fire pressed in crackling and I could feel my heart beating madly. The whole place was threatening to collapse in on us if we dallied any more. There might be other people trapped, but saving then did no good if we died in the process.
'Good, you see the light.'
"I'm going to regret this."
'Don't give us the overburdened soul crap. Somethings are a fact of survival.' Battousai sneered shaking his head at my stupidity, 'Kill or be killed.'
Between us Miss Kaoru and I dragged Katsu's prone form out, driven by the heat, smoke, and flames. It would have been faster if I had done it alone, but then I couldn't guarantee that I could keep in touch with Miss Kaoru.
'Please, she's a big girl. Give her some credit. She lived quite awhile without you, or anyone else, holding her hand.'
Sano, once again his cheery, boisterous self took his buddy from us. I watched as he carefully gathered Katsu up and kept him out of the snow. The young man was rash, but he sure was loyal.
Thinking good thoughts about sometimes leads to misconceptions. That may be why my jaw dropped when he pulled out a bottle of communion wine and took a swing.
"When did you pilfer that?" Aoshi asked, deadpan. He didn't seem inclined to take it back now that Sanosuke had gotten hold of it. "Last I recall you were running around heedlessly."
"That moron," Saitoh snorted from beside Missus Tokio, looking a tad singed, "Would have a moment of clarity in the middle of his panic attack only to steal some cheap alcohol."
"Cheap, free alcohol." Sano amended.
"At least the boy knows his priorities." Hiko rumbled in slight approval. I resisted the urge to smack my head into the nearest solid object. I don't think Miss Kaoru would appreciate it much.
Yahiko limped out and looked at us strangely before hooting, "Ugly and Kenshin are holding hands!"
Miss Kaoru dropped my hand faster than a scalded cat and turned red. I, luckily, managed a pale shade of pink.
"That was not very nice Yahiko, that it was not." I reproved, but Miss Kaoru had other plans. She went after him like a dog that's been taunted one too many times by some obnoxious cat.
"Well, I do think that is the end of the church." Soujirou said with a wide smile. He was standing on the other side of Miss Kaoru.
"We'll just build another one sugar." Kamatari said dismissively, still patting his head. Yumi gave a sly look and taunted, "But it will be a long time coming, just like your hair. Ouch!"
Couldn't those two behave for just one moment? Neither seemed even regretful in the slightest that they just burned down the town church. In fact, it seemed totally forgotten.
A loose snowball launched past Yumi and hit Chou square in the face. He sputtered indignantly wiping the snow off his face, "'Ey, there weren't no call for that."
Wasn't that a double negative? So he was actually saying there was a call for it.
Soon there were stray balls flying everywhere. I prudently moved just out of reach and watched as Aoshi was nailed by accident. Miss Misao leapt to his defense with flailing limbs and flying balls. She was amazing, just a blur of pure furious energy. I watched as she nailed several people consecutively, all in vital areas. The girl's got talent, what can I say.
I watched with interest as Yahiko, Sano, the revived Katsu, and a few others battled it out.
'You should be watching Stick and Bones. Look, she's flirting with Smiley again.' Battousai adviced.
She is not, I retorted defensively only to look over. She was! She was sitting there chatting happily with the kid paying no attention to the beginings of the next town civil war or myself. Now, I know the world doesn't revolve around me and all, but I was hurt.
'She's lost interest. You and that unworthy bit has put her off. Damn, you should have done like I said. Ravish her.' Oro! I thought we were past that conversation.
They're talking about cows.
'You'd like to think that, wouldn't you?' Battousai grinned like a crazed ape or something.
This unworthy one would be happy if Miss Kaoru found someone, that he would, I forced out purposely doing my best to annoy him as he was me. He smirked and I knew he was unconvinced.
Fwap.
"Stupid student," Master said after getting my attention with a suspiciously hard packed ice ball, "You're letting her get away!"
I turned to explain that Miss Kaoru wasn't mine only to see him causally pick up a large clump of snow. He slowly, carefully packed it into an ice ball while maintaining an innocent pose. With startling speed he launched his missile and smacked Saitoh right in the face.
The Wolf glared at me. Eep. Master had silently moved so that the snowball couldn't have possibly come from his direction.
Unsure what Saitoh would do to me I backed up right into Soujirou.
"Mister Himura, would you like to join us? We were just discussing which breed of cow produces better milk used in butter."
No, I didn't. Especially since I was about to be creamed.
Luckily, Master just had to push his luck. He nailed the pissed guy again, giving himelf away. I wondered how Saitoh would react. Would he be utterly dignified and claim that such childish games were below him, or would he pick up some rocks at start chucking away?
To my surprise the return volley came not from the man, but from his wife. She smacked Hiko with two or three before smiling sweetly. Master stared at her dumbfounded and looking betrayed. That didn't last. His typical smirk returned full force and he scooped up some snow. This was going to spin out of control, I can see it now, all of us slaughtered by friendly-fire.
I started backing up when a voice startled me, "Kenshin, aren't you going to play too?"
Play? That wasn't playing. Miss Kaoru was too trusting, she didn't see the slaughter for what it truly was.
'Better protect her Hero.'
"It's okay, really. We do this all the time. No one ever gets hurt." Miss Kaoru assured me.
'Not being hurt and not letting people know you've been hurt are not the same thing. The clinic would be good incentive to lie.'
Speaking of, where was Miss Megumi?
Whap.
Battousai's mouth sagged and then snapped shut, 'Did...?'
Yup.
'You should have taken him out before!' Battousai howled and frothed. If there was one thing he hated it was being targeted. Well, it didn't make me all that happy either.
You want free reign?
'Damn straight. I'll make him pay!'
The rules.
He rolled his eyes like a disobedient juvenile and recited, 'No killing or maiming... but can't you make an exception or four?'
I watched as we flew forward. How was it his coordinating bested mine? It was the same body after all.
'Eat snow bastard!' Battousai howled throwing snow wildly, but with great aim. He targetted Aoshi first and I blinked. The man hadn't done a thing to provoke him, it was Master would had initiated the offense.
I noticed that some dangerous alliances were forming. The original offenders had banded together, along with Soujirou and Chou. Miss Kaoru, Saitoh, and Missus Tokio were together against Master. Miss Misao was valiantly defending her beloved Father Aoshi. Sano had grabbed Katsu and was using him as a human shield to take the hits. Yahiko had suspiciously disappeared.
Battousai? He was just being himself. The lone assassin.
There was a sound from up the hill and suddenly Frosty the snowman was on the attack. He rolled and tumbled to gain momentum and size to execute his killer attack. Yahiko peered down with his mouth in a silent 'oh' as the rampant giant snowball broke into three seperate pieces.
I watched in horror as it rolled towards Aoshi. Well, not in horror exactly. More like... well, that's just not nice. If you don't have anything nice to think, think it anyway! So I hoped he got it good and proper.
Miss Misao spotted the trouble and launched her missiles to intercept. The head and body were destroyed under her relentless onslaught of her furious snowball. The rather large butt barreled onwards not seeming to feel the stinging sensating in the tush. This is Reporter Kenshin, you heard it from me first.
'I can't believe you're part of me. I am ashamed. Let me show you how to do this right.'
Wait... I wasn't done!
'The malicious pile of rejected Frosty thundered down on the poor stupid weasel. Being true to her race of stupid weasels she stubbornly stood her ground, not unlike a certain ass we all know. With her short, stubby arms outflung in defiance to defend her gold idol of worship she saw doom soaring down to take her. Within seconds she would be flattened into roadkill, just as it should be....'
My turn.
'No way, I'm just getting warmed up.'
Just as the errand ball of snow was about to squish the poor damsel in distress a large body fell before her taking the blow. The young man crumpled beneath the oversized rump and the damsel rushed to his side, praising her hero.
'Okay, now shut up. I'm tired of this. You're giving me a headache with you're niceness.'
Miss Misao ran up to Sano with concern. Well, I thought it was concern. She planted a kick in his side and screamed, "You jerk! I could have handled that myself!"
"Ouch, ow, it wasn't my fault!" Sanosuke yelped and tried to avoid her vengeful foot. "Katsu pushed me!"
"You've been using me as a living shield. That's called payback. Actually, you owe me some money..." Katsu trailed off thoughtfully.
Battousai, bored of the almost-drama turned away and launched a snowball at the Wolf. Unfortunately he saw it coming and slid to the side. Miss Kaoru wasn't so lucky.
"Ken-shin." She hissed in a deadly voice and Battousai blinked. Before I could react he was back in his cage with the door safely locked and I was facing a wrathful Miss Kaoru.
Coward!
"I'm sorry Miss Kaoru! This unworthy one's hand slipped." I pleaded. She considered me for a moment before whipping out a plank. Three bashes later I was eating snow.
'Pick your battles wisely.' Battousai stated serenely. I could have throttled him if I wasn't numb from the waist. Instead I used the cattle prod.
"Why didn't you save me the same way Sano saved Misao?"
"Oro!"
A/N: My brother Rob was hilarious all through this chapter, helping me with the snowball fight. We've been having a blast not only with this but also Trust/Betrayal. We decided the whole Kenshin cast should be fruits (it started with Ms. Plum aka Tomoe). His only request was that Yahiko gets a bigger part *hooded look* Watch out, Meg finally shows, the last chapter has tons of her foxiness ^___^ If I left anyone out my deepest apologies, notepad doesn't like my mac's word and vise versa -.- Pieces of crap.
Fyyrrose: You haven't even given back BSR, not that I've written much more. I forgot my list of attacks so the fight will have to be delayed a bit. Rob replaced you here :) :)) Trees are evil and you haven't seen the last of Sano's tree! I love the stick, no dissing the stick! For it shall be mine. *wide grin* KL I am, nothing more. And if you keep harassing me I'll let a certain female werewolf live as well.
MissBehavin: Saitoh would love to get one person more than Kenshin :) He may just get the chance too. I'm in the giving mood after all it's the holiday season... NOT knowing would be infinately safer! Unless they were ponytas I agree!
Wistful-Eyes: Curse the vocab! Hex, scorn, cuss, swear at, jinx... Got to love B. Aha, you've seen through my not-so-veiled reference to the zanbatou. He needs another one, really *drool*.