Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the plots of Grey's Anatomy! I hope you enjoy and would love to hear your reviews!

"You wanna know what I'm scared of?! I'm scared of everything! I'm scared to move, I'm scared to breathe, I'm scared to touch you!" He yelled in pure passion, in pure pain. "I can't lose you, I won't survive."

He wasn't lying when he said those words to her a year ago. He wouldn't survive and he didn't. Sometimes he wished he lost her through death, though it was a terrible thought, he at least knew then that she hadn't left him by choice. But instead he lost her and it was her choice. He often sat and thought about how losing someone who was still breathing was far greater than losing them through death because this pain was unbearable. He hadn't just lost her, he lost himself.

Alex Karev had changed his life completely for her and the second he lost her, he died. He reverted back to his former self. The asshole Alex, the Alex that pushed everyone away, the one who didn't care about the consequences of his words or actions. Not even Meredith could get through to him. He had continued working at Seattle Grace Hospital, but that was all he did. He threw himself into work, was on call most nights and barely went home. He slept around, drank when he could and got himself into unnecessary conflicts. He missed her, he missed her so much. But it had been a year now and he had to move on. Though he kept her letter, kept all her things in a box on the top of his wardrobe, he had to move on. He had too.

He came out of the on-call sleep room, fixing his tunic as he clocked in for his shift at 6am. "When was the last time you went home, Karev?" Bailey asked him, coming to the counter to clock in too.

"What's it to you?" He asked, checking through the clipboard for patient charts.

"Look, you may be a resident now but you're still my responsibility." She told him. "I don't want you overdoing it." She said, genuinely concerned for him.

"Don't worry about me. It's all under control, boss." He said very monotone before walking away to a patient's room.

"All okay?" Meredith asked Bailey, as she joined her with a coffee seeing Alex walk away.

"Nothing wrong with me…it's Karev that worries me." She said simply, going through charts.

"Yeah, this year has been awful for him." She said with a slight pout.

At lunch time, Meredith went to find Alex in the back sitting on one of the beds. Swallowing hard she took her white robe off and went to sit next to him.

"Come back home, Alex." She said softly.

"Drop it Mer.." He said simply, not looking at her.

"Alex. We're all worried about you. You need people around you, people who care about you." She said, turning to face him slightly. "Derek wouldn't mind, you can stay in your old room and.."

"I said leave it Meredith! I'm fine." He told her angrily before getting up and leaving. Mer sighed to herself, leaning her head against the wall in defeat.

"Why'd you leave, Izzie?" She whispered to herself.

Alex had stormed off back to the on-call sleep room, just for some peace. Walking in he was hit by the sight of another surgeon changing. "Shit, sorry." He said, turning slightly.

"It's fine, I'm done here." Jo said to him softly. Alex nodded his head and awkwardly walked in. "You good?" She asked him as she tied up her hair.

"Yeah.." was all he said in a shrug.

"You may be hot but you're not very good at lying." She said with a sarcastic laugh.

"Just stay the hell out of my business." He said in a grump.

She whistled sarcastically. "It's hard not to make it my business when you disease the entire hospital with your negative energy and constant bad moods." She said simply looking at him. He just ignored her. "Look Alex, I know it's hard. Izzie left you and it's shitty yeah. But it was a year ago and she's gone, that's on her, not you. It's time to let her go. You'll never be happy if not." She said simply, walking out. Alex finally looked up as she left, clenching his jaw at her words.

It had been a few days and Alex had pretty much ignored everyone and just took care of his patients. But today he had finally let himself have a night off and went to the bar. Sitting at the bar sipping on his beer, he went over Jo's words. How it wasn't his fault, he didn't do anything wrong. How it was Izzie that walked away not him. It just made him angry but he knew that his anger never really worked in his favor so sipped his beer once more. He had to forget about her. He had too.

It wasn't until he felt someone sit next to him that his thoughts were distracted. "Hey Joe got anything for heartbreaks? Dr. Hottie over here could use a pick me up." Jo said with a smirk.

Alex sipped his beer and looked at her, "I get it." He said simply. "You're into me, just tell me if you want to take my clothes off." He said with a smirk. He was a little drunk so he didn't care so much.

Jo laughed, "Slow down cowboy, I'm just trying to help you out of this funk." She said with a smirk, handing him the shot. "Because I for one cannot handle another day of your miserable face on that ward anymore." She teased again.

"Well, you're not easy to look at either." He said back.

"Nice. Here's to heartbreak." She said holding up the shots.

"Whatever." He said with an eye roll before knocking back the shots.

Alex and Jo drank all night, all night. She had distracted him so much that he had laughed for the first time in a long time, he had even walked her home. "Well, goodnight." He said with a shrug, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"You're not going home like that. I have a couch." Jo said simply getting her keys, knowing he was far too drunk.

"Nah, I'm good."

"Alex." She said, giving him a look. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Fine." He said simply, heading inside with her. Looking around he clenched her jaw.

"Small couch.." He said simply.

"I'm one person." Jo said simply grabbing a pillow and blanket for him.

"It's whatever." He said with a shrug.

"Stop pushing people away, not everyone you care about is going to leave you." She told him, moving her hand to his shoulder.

"Who says I care about you?" He said with an arched brow.

"Who says I was talking about me?" She spat back, folding her arms. He clenched his jaw and took his jacket off.

"Whatever." He said simply.

"Goodnight, asshole." She said walking away, causing him to smirk slightly.

Laying on the sofa he looked up at the ceiling, he clenched his jaw and moved one hand behind his head. "Screw you, Iz…" He whispered before closing his eyes and falling asleep.