Yeeeah, you all knew I was gonna fit a song in here somewhere. The title is a play on the song 'Jack's Lament' from NMBC. The song in THIS chapter however, is 'Who Am I?' from Les Misrables. I own neither, nor IZ, you silly, silly people.
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CryingChild sat back on the green cusioned chair and sighed contentedly. She had come up to her room right after breakfast, promising to come back down in a minute or two. She just needed a bit of 'alone time.' Everything was Zim-themed here, even the chair she was sitting in had a black Irken logo on it. And breakfast was no exception. They were offered Breakfast Chunks, and Cocosplodies. She had ended up trying both, Cocosplodies was like a packaged sugar high, and Breakfast Chunks was surprisingly good. Everything was good here. She was so happy...
Suddenly, her bliss was interrupted as the door crashed open and Mel stormed in. She glared at CryingChild and stomped into her room, slamming the door behind her. CryingChild waited. After a few minutes, Mel's voice came from her room. "Aren't you gonna come and see what's wrong?" she asked. CryingChild sighed and trudged in. She wasn't really an unsympathetic person, but Mel was HARD to be sympathetic to.
"I HATE it here," Mel began.
"WAIT!" CryingChild said, "I got an idea!" She ran into her room and began rooting through her backpack. "Keep talking!"
"Well, I mean, I don't understand anything that's going on, and I bet mom would throw a fit if she found out what was kinda stuff I was doing here, and I've just been in a bad mood all morning and all anyone here will say is-"
At that moment CryingChild found what she was looking for and rushed over with it. "Talk to Spooky!" she and her cousin said in unison. "ARRG!" Mel roared.
"I hate this! The people here are weird and scary and they say mean things about Britney Spears and the convention hall is creepy and your stupid Invader Zim show SUCKS!"
A little shocked by her cousin's outbusrt, CryingChild backed away a step, and then weakly replied, "Hey! Invader Zim does NOT suck!" It was at that moment she realized Mel had never said anything 'sucked' before. (A/N: When I say sheltered, I mean SHELTERED) She must be supremely pissed. Could it be just the convention doing that? Maybe, Mel had a tendency to freak out if she didn't get her way. Still... it seemed like something more...
"Mel, are you okay? Come on, talk to me..." she held up he spooky doll and gave it a plaintive *squeak?*
Mel stared at her cousin. She looked ridiculous, standing in the hotel's purple bathrobe, holding out a stupid looking skelleton squeak toy. She gave it another pathetic *squeak?*. Mel sighed, "I just want to be alone!" she shouted, storming out onto the balcony. CryingChild watched her leave, feeling suddenly worried.
Mel leaned against the railing. The hotel's normal railing had been replaced by one inlaid with piggies, and she pushed it away in disgust. What was wrong with the people here? She had never seen the cartoon they all seemed to love so much, but...
She leaned, pouting against the wall, she had seen the expression on her cousin's face... her cousin was hoping... her cousin was hoping she would become like... one of THEM.
/He thinks that man is me,/
/He knew him at a glance,/
/The stranger he has found,/
She saw something in her that wasn't there... IZ fan potential. And yet, she had to admit, there was a certain... alluring quality to all this...
/This man could be my chance,/
It seemed like a way out, away from her mother's oppressive tyranny, away from the endless restrictions. There were people she met here with tightly-gripping parents, and they've all managed to get by through the power of their love, their love for this ingenious, twisted fantasy world.
/Why should I save his hide?/
/Why should I right his wrong?/
/When I have come so far,/
/And struggled for so long./
Wait, what was she thinking? How could she even dream of joining the ranks of... those people. They were freaks! Some of them were freaking pyromaniacs! Others claimed to be homocidal! Not to mention the fact that she could never sneak something like that past her mother. She could never keep a secret.
/If I speak, I am condemned,/
/If I stay silent I am damned./
She wouldn't dare tell her cousin about any of these thoughts. She knew she'd freak out, and act like she was being tempted by IZ. Which she WASN'T. But that's what she'd think, Mel KNEW it. She could already picture her 'The force to obsess is strong in this one' speech. She giggled at the image of her cousin declaring, 'Mel, I am your father!' Oh, God, was she giggling? Was she actually enjoying this?
/Who am I, can I condemn this man to slavery?/
She didn't want to be one of them, she KNEW she didn't! And yet... she felt a pull, the same thing that she knew pulled each and every one of *them* to obsess slavelike over this one man's creations...
/Pretend I do not feel his agony/
/This innocent who wears my face/
/Who goes to judgement in my place/
She felt like there were two selves, the one she knew, the one she *was* and this new one... this innocent who wore her face. Wait, where did that come from? She felt so confused. Half of her, the newly emerging half, was struggling to be free. But she had to ignore, it, HAD to suppress it, or who knows what might happen?
/Who am I?/
/Can I conceal myself forever more,/
/Pretend I'm the man I was before?/
Could she supress it? Could she keep the urges down forever? The words of her cousin from the day they arrived came to her, 'We're gonna be SURROUNDED by Jhoneny goodness for the entire week!' Could she get by, when there was temptation everywhere? And even if she could, how long would this go on?
/And must my name until I die,/
/Be no more than an alibi,/
/Must I lie?/
Why was it so hard to accept what might be in her? Why did she *need* to be normal? What was it about her current, he OLD self that she needed to cling to?
/How can I ever face my fellow men?/
/How can I ever face myself again?/
All her friends would leave her as soon as she stopped caring about boy bands and celebrities. But she could make new friends, weirder friends. No, no, no, what was she thinking? She couldn't just let her friends leave her, even if it ment hiding her slightly more eccentric side for another eleven years. It had to be done. She'd get by. After she got home, she'd forget the convention. And it was easy to ignore her cousin. Soon, the urge to change would pass, and things would go back to normal. It'd be okay...
She slid the glass door open and walked in, no longer feeling subconciously drawn to the stack of comics her cousin had left lying out.
"Are you okay Mel?" CryingChild asked, genuinely concerned.
"Yes... I think I am...."
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Oh, don't think you're getting away that easily Mel! ;c)
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CryingChild sat back on the green cusioned chair and sighed contentedly. She had come up to her room right after breakfast, promising to come back down in a minute or two. She just needed a bit of 'alone time.' Everything was Zim-themed here, even the chair she was sitting in had a black Irken logo on it. And breakfast was no exception. They were offered Breakfast Chunks, and Cocosplodies. She had ended up trying both, Cocosplodies was like a packaged sugar high, and Breakfast Chunks was surprisingly good. Everything was good here. She was so happy...
Suddenly, her bliss was interrupted as the door crashed open and Mel stormed in. She glared at CryingChild and stomped into her room, slamming the door behind her. CryingChild waited. After a few minutes, Mel's voice came from her room. "Aren't you gonna come and see what's wrong?" she asked. CryingChild sighed and trudged in. She wasn't really an unsympathetic person, but Mel was HARD to be sympathetic to.
"I HATE it here," Mel began.
"WAIT!" CryingChild said, "I got an idea!" She ran into her room and began rooting through her backpack. "Keep talking!"
"Well, I mean, I don't understand anything that's going on, and I bet mom would throw a fit if she found out what was kinda stuff I was doing here, and I've just been in a bad mood all morning and all anyone here will say is-"
At that moment CryingChild found what she was looking for and rushed over with it. "Talk to Spooky!" she and her cousin said in unison. "ARRG!" Mel roared.
"I hate this! The people here are weird and scary and they say mean things about Britney Spears and the convention hall is creepy and your stupid Invader Zim show SUCKS!"
A little shocked by her cousin's outbusrt, CryingChild backed away a step, and then weakly replied, "Hey! Invader Zim does NOT suck!" It was at that moment she realized Mel had never said anything 'sucked' before. (A/N: When I say sheltered, I mean SHELTERED) She must be supremely pissed. Could it be just the convention doing that? Maybe, Mel had a tendency to freak out if she didn't get her way. Still... it seemed like something more...
"Mel, are you okay? Come on, talk to me..." she held up he spooky doll and gave it a plaintive *squeak?*
Mel stared at her cousin. She looked ridiculous, standing in the hotel's purple bathrobe, holding out a stupid looking skelleton squeak toy. She gave it another pathetic *squeak?*. Mel sighed, "I just want to be alone!" she shouted, storming out onto the balcony. CryingChild watched her leave, feeling suddenly worried.
Mel leaned against the railing. The hotel's normal railing had been replaced by one inlaid with piggies, and she pushed it away in disgust. What was wrong with the people here? She had never seen the cartoon they all seemed to love so much, but...
She leaned, pouting against the wall, she had seen the expression on her cousin's face... her cousin was hoping... her cousin was hoping she would become like... one of THEM.
/He thinks that man is me,/
/He knew him at a glance,/
/The stranger he has found,/
She saw something in her that wasn't there... IZ fan potential. And yet, she had to admit, there was a certain... alluring quality to all this...
/This man could be my chance,/
It seemed like a way out, away from her mother's oppressive tyranny, away from the endless restrictions. There were people she met here with tightly-gripping parents, and they've all managed to get by through the power of their love, their love for this ingenious, twisted fantasy world.
/Why should I save his hide?/
/Why should I right his wrong?/
/When I have come so far,/
/And struggled for so long./
Wait, what was she thinking? How could she even dream of joining the ranks of... those people. They were freaks! Some of them were freaking pyromaniacs! Others claimed to be homocidal! Not to mention the fact that she could never sneak something like that past her mother. She could never keep a secret.
/If I speak, I am condemned,/
/If I stay silent I am damned./
She wouldn't dare tell her cousin about any of these thoughts. She knew she'd freak out, and act like she was being tempted by IZ. Which she WASN'T. But that's what she'd think, Mel KNEW it. She could already picture her 'The force to obsess is strong in this one' speech. She giggled at the image of her cousin declaring, 'Mel, I am your father!' Oh, God, was she giggling? Was she actually enjoying this?
/Who am I, can I condemn this man to slavery?/
She didn't want to be one of them, she KNEW she didn't! And yet... she felt a pull, the same thing that she knew pulled each and every one of *them* to obsess slavelike over this one man's creations...
/Pretend I do not feel his agony/
/This innocent who wears my face/
/Who goes to judgement in my place/
She felt like there were two selves, the one she knew, the one she *was* and this new one... this innocent who wore her face. Wait, where did that come from? She felt so confused. Half of her, the newly emerging half, was struggling to be free. But she had to ignore, it, HAD to suppress it, or who knows what might happen?
/Who am I?/
/Can I conceal myself forever more,/
/Pretend I'm the man I was before?/
Could she supress it? Could she keep the urges down forever? The words of her cousin from the day they arrived came to her, 'We're gonna be SURROUNDED by Jhoneny goodness for the entire week!' Could she get by, when there was temptation everywhere? And even if she could, how long would this go on?
/And must my name until I die,/
/Be no more than an alibi,/
/Must I lie?/
Why was it so hard to accept what might be in her? Why did she *need* to be normal? What was it about her current, he OLD self that she needed to cling to?
/How can I ever face my fellow men?/
/How can I ever face myself again?/
All her friends would leave her as soon as she stopped caring about boy bands and celebrities. But she could make new friends, weirder friends. No, no, no, what was she thinking? She couldn't just let her friends leave her, even if it ment hiding her slightly more eccentric side for another eleven years. It had to be done. She'd get by. After she got home, she'd forget the convention. And it was easy to ignore her cousin. Soon, the urge to change would pass, and things would go back to normal. It'd be okay...
She slid the glass door open and walked in, no longer feeling subconciously drawn to the stack of comics her cousin had left lying out.
"Are you okay Mel?" CryingChild asked, genuinely concerned.
"Yes... I think I am...."
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Oh, don't think you're getting away that easily Mel! ;c)