Okay, maybe I've been hanging around at my guild too much, but I feel that no IZ fan convention would be complete without an anti-nick section. After all, desiring DOOM for nick is part of IZ fandom, yes? Yes. So here it is: No own
-------
Invader Quin came down to the convention hall one morning, to see a fairly obvious new area. It was set slightly off from the rest of the festivities, and looked more or less like a big orange tent, a color that didn't exist in abundance anywhere else in the hall. She walked around the side to the entrance, and there any confusion as to what it was for was alleviated.
The spiked, orange Nickelodeon logo was crossed out in paint that was an odd shade of red, no doubt intended to represent blood. Surrounding it, replicas of the disembodied heads of several nicktoons were impaled on pointed sticks. She noticed the others standing nearby and walked over to them.
"You've got to admire the craftsmanship, I mean, *look* at that detail!"
"The red dye and corn syrup really adds something."
"I notice they used blue dye for the Butt Ugly Martians."
"Gross."
They eagerly approached. Drawing back the tent flap, they were instantly assaulted by the sounds of The Night Santa Went Crazy, with slightly rewritten lyrics.
Down in Nick Studios,
All the 'toons were making noise,
Destroying our minds,
And destroying our joy,
When the boss busted in,
Nearly made them wet their pants,
Had a rifle in his hand,
And a jar of fire ants,
The song was punctuated with occasional sound effects, such as explosions, screams, and disturbing squishing noises. Several reproductions of Nickelodeon employees hung from the ceiling. After some artistic liberties, they all seemed extremely warped and monstrous. Every now and then an uneven glow, as if someone was welding something, came from a corner of the tent. One wall had a whole line of strange looking weapons on display, the two most reoccurring ones being futuristic lazer-looking things, and ordinary sporks.
From his nose to his knees,
He was covered with ammo,
Like a big, fat, stupid, evil Herbie-Rambo,
And he smiled as he said,
With a strange gleam in his eye,
"Nick is for kids,
And you're all gonna die!"
Someone grabbed The Slayer and shoved what looked like a gun in her hands, screaming "Quick!" and pointing to her left. A Cardboard re-creation of Spongebob popped up, and reflexively, she fired. A red paintball shot out, hitting him right in the face. "You got him!" the strange man cried enthusiastically, handing her a T-shirt with a picture of a solemn, trenchcoated girl holding a dangerous-looking knife, and the words "Anti-Nick" on it.
"I'm scared!" Mel cried, clinging to her cousin.
"Awww... don't worry Mel," CryingChild said, "you have nothing to fear as long as your IQ is higher than seven."
She had apparently struck a chord, because Mel stiffened up and said "I'm not scared, then." unconvincingly. In a rare display of nurturing, CryingChild gave her a big hug, and patted her back.
The night Scannel went crazy,
The night 'ol Herb went insane,
Realized that his network was stupid,
Something finally must have snapped in his brain,
Although the tent was fairly full, there were a few designated 'paths' made by red footprints that they were suggested to follow. Without much better an idea, the group of ten walked merrily down one of them, arriving at what was generally shaped like a batting cage. Fangirls and fanboys were lined up waiting to try. None of the ten could really see why this area was receiving so much attention, it seemed fairly simple. Plastic statues of nicktoons and employees were lined up at the end so people could fire paintballs at them. Cute, but hardly worth so much excitement. But when the person at the front of the line attacked a plastic Wilf Sharroks, the group gasped, and realized immediately. For it wasn't a paintball that came out of the gun, it was...
Well, it was hard to say just what came out of it. When Dragon saw it, she thought it was molten steel. Bast thought it might be a small flamethrower. But after a few seconds of thought, everyone came to one conclusion...
"A... laser." KidK said. And she was right. But this wasn't at all what one thinks of when they hear the word laser. This was truly a /lazer,/ to be spelled with a Z. For unlike any laser of human design, it made an incredible impact crater, not blast but *impact* on the far wall of the cage. Aimed perfectly, it hit Sharroks right in the head, making a 'Zootch!' sound. His head glowed yellow and expanded until it exploded with a loud POP! ...Leaving a smoldering neck stump which was jerked backwards with a rumbling of gears, as a fresh one was brought up, and the next fan in line went.
Well the slime fountain's gone now,
He decided to nuke it,
Then he shot the employees,
And he freed all the mutants,
And he tied up the nicktoons,
And he got knives and sickles,
And you should see what's left of, Tommy Pickles!
The group blinked in bewilderment. The lazer was fired again and a cheer went up as Pelswick's head was 'sploded, but our heroes stood in shock, all thinking the same thing. Even Mel knew a weapon like that didn't make sense in the real word, and certainly wouldn't be used for something like this. Unless...
"Would you please sign here?" Kat jumped and turned, there was a woman in the Doom tee patiently standing behind her, and had clearly been doing so for quite a while. Her eyes traveled to the clipboard in the woman's hand. On it was a poll:
What's the best way of dealing with Herb Scannel?
1. Make him watch his network until his head explodes
2. Kill him with lazers! No, Smoke machines!
3. Convince him that it's a good idea to tease Nny, then sit back and watch the magic.
4. Two words: Spork lacerations.
Kat signed and circled her preference "Thanks. Wanna see the current results?" The woman asked. Not waiting for a reply, she flipped the paper over revealing a tally sheet.
Number three was by far the preferred choice.
He got Reggie and Otto,
With a rusty old hacksaw,
And he sliced up Ginger,
Into Ginger coleslaw,
And he took a blunt object,
And he bashed CatDog's heads in,
And he held them both up,
And cried: "Who wants to pet 'em!??!"
After a Nicktoon-filled laser tag-ish game, a Nick Minion skeet shoot, and a show styled after Celebrity Deathmatch in which Jhonen horribly killed Scannel, our heroes grew tired of seeing heads explode. That's what brought them to the computer terminal they were all huddled around now. It had several keyboards branching out from it, and a sign above it which read: Talk to VirtualScannel. You could type your name and question on the screen, and the "VirtualScannel Artificial Unitelligence" would answer it chat room format. Ztarlight started:
Ztarlight: What is wrong with your brain?
VirtualScannel: I had it surgically removed, that thing was holding me back anyway.
Idgiebay: How can you rave about the quality of 'Rocket Power' and other such crap, but not see the goodness of IZ?
VirtualScannel: See above answer.
InvaderBast: How could IZ possibly corrupt the drooling babies who watch your network?
VirtualScannel: The dark nature of the show could cause children to become violent and kill thier peers.
InvaderQuin: Where's the logic in that?!?!
VirtualScannel: Vat ees dis log-ick?
KidKourage: Considering that, in your sad, deluded little world, IZ is a bad show, why did you take it on in the first place?
VirtualScannel: Jhonen hypnotized me with his superpowers. Now all I can eat is cheese. Help me...
CryingChild: No.
VirtualScannel: Oh... the pain.
TheSlayer: Are you the devil? If so, can you get me Pepito's autograph?
VirtualScannel: The devil? Pssht, I am FAR more evil than that poser.
DragonFromTheBlackLagoon: How many IZ fans have made attempts on your life?
VirtualScannel: I don't know, I can't count higher than seven.
Mel: What did you do that made everyone so mad?
VirtualScannel: I was born, thereby make the world a horrible place of pointless filth.
Kat23a: Would you please bash your head against the wall until your skull cracks in two? Pretty please?
VirtualScannel: I did, that's why my brain works the way it does.
"I haven't a clue who designed this..." Idgiebay said out loud, "But I'd like to shake her hand!"
The night Scannel went crazy,
The night Herbie went nuts,
Now you can't hardly walk around Nick Studios,
Without stepping in ugly butts,
There's the national guard and the FBI,
There's a van from the eyewitness news,
And IZ fans laughing so hard they might die,
And the bullets are flying,
The body count's rising,
And everyone's dying to know, oh Herbie why?
My my my my my my, you used to be such a boring guy!
The ten walked out of the anit-nick tent after the VirtualScannel conversation. Dooming is fun and all, but you can only do it for so long before it gets repetitive.
"You know," The Slayer said, "Although we fangirls, as a species, are happy little elves, we sure can get sadistic when dealing with Nick."
Dragon nodded. "It really is funny, even though Nick took in IZ willingly, it clamped down real fast. It just couldn't handle it. No wonder we're all outraged."
"IZ isn't even violent, or grim, despite what they say. What made them *think* it was, if you asked me, is the fact it's so different from anything else out there. The Nick Minions couldn't predict what would happen next with it, and that unnerved them. It's all about control." KidK said.
Bast smiled "Try not to trip getting down from that soapbox KidK!"
A tension-relieveing giggle bubbled through the tensome, and just before they walked completely out of earshot from the tent, they heard one more line of the song play:
Yes Virginia, now Herbie's got the chair...
-------
Invader Quin came down to the convention hall one morning, to see a fairly obvious new area. It was set slightly off from the rest of the festivities, and looked more or less like a big orange tent, a color that didn't exist in abundance anywhere else in the hall. She walked around the side to the entrance, and there any confusion as to what it was for was alleviated.
The spiked, orange Nickelodeon logo was crossed out in paint that was an odd shade of red, no doubt intended to represent blood. Surrounding it, replicas of the disembodied heads of several nicktoons were impaled on pointed sticks. She noticed the others standing nearby and walked over to them.
"You've got to admire the craftsmanship, I mean, *look* at that detail!"
"The red dye and corn syrup really adds something."
"I notice they used blue dye for the Butt Ugly Martians."
"Gross."
They eagerly approached. Drawing back the tent flap, they were instantly assaulted by the sounds of The Night Santa Went Crazy, with slightly rewritten lyrics.
Down in Nick Studios,
All the 'toons were making noise,
Destroying our minds,
And destroying our joy,
When the boss busted in,
Nearly made them wet their pants,
Had a rifle in his hand,
And a jar of fire ants,
The song was punctuated with occasional sound effects, such as explosions, screams, and disturbing squishing noises. Several reproductions of Nickelodeon employees hung from the ceiling. After some artistic liberties, they all seemed extremely warped and monstrous. Every now and then an uneven glow, as if someone was welding something, came from a corner of the tent. One wall had a whole line of strange looking weapons on display, the two most reoccurring ones being futuristic lazer-looking things, and ordinary sporks.
From his nose to his knees,
He was covered with ammo,
Like a big, fat, stupid, evil Herbie-Rambo,
And he smiled as he said,
With a strange gleam in his eye,
"Nick is for kids,
And you're all gonna die!"
Someone grabbed The Slayer and shoved what looked like a gun in her hands, screaming "Quick!" and pointing to her left. A Cardboard re-creation of Spongebob popped up, and reflexively, she fired. A red paintball shot out, hitting him right in the face. "You got him!" the strange man cried enthusiastically, handing her a T-shirt with a picture of a solemn, trenchcoated girl holding a dangerous-looking knife, and the words "Anti-Nick" on it.
"I'm scared!" Mel cried, clinging to her cousin.
"Awww... don't worry Mel," CryingChild said, "you have nothing to fear as long as your IQ is higher than seven."
She had apparently struck a chord, because Mel stiffened up and said "I'm not scared, then." unconvincingly. In a rare display of nurturing, CryingChild gave her a big hug, and patted her back.
The night Scannel went crazy,
The night 'ol Herb went insane,
Realized that his network was stupid,
Something finally must have snapped in his brain,
Although the tent was fairly full, there were a few designated 'paths' made by red footprints that they were suggested to follow. Without much better an idea, the group of ten walked merrily down one of them, arriving at what was generally shaped like a batting cage. Fangirls and fanboys were lined up waiting to try. None of the ten could really see why this area was receiving so much attention, it seemed fairly simple. Plastic statues of nicktoons and employees were lined up at the end so people could fire paintballs at them. Cute, but hardly worth so much excitement. But when the person at the front of the line attacked a plastic Wilf Sharroks, the group gasped, and realized immediately. For it wasn't a paintball that came out of the gun, it was...
Well, it was hard to say just what came out of it. When Dragon saw it, she thought it was molten steel. Bast thought it might be a small flamethrower. But after a few seconds of thought, everyone came to one conclusion...
"A... laser." KidK said. And she was right. But this wasn't at all what one thinks of when they hear the word laser. This was truly a /lazer,/ to be spelled with a Z. For unlike any laser of human design, it made an incredible impact crater, not blast but *impact* on the far wall of the cage. Aimed perfectly, it hit Sharroks right in the head, making a 'Zootch!' sound. His head glowed yellow and expanded until it exploded with a loud POP! ...Leaving a smoldering neck stump which was jerked backwards with a rumbling of gears, as a fresh one was brought up, and the next fan in line went.
Well the slime fountain's gone now,
He decided to nuke it,
Then he shot the employees,
And he freed all the mutants,
And he tied up the nicktoons,
And he got knives and sickles,
And you should see what's left of, Tommy Pickles!
The group blinked in bewilderment. The lazer was fired again and a cheer went up as Pelswick's head was 'sploded, but our heroes stood in shock, all thinking the same thing. Even Mel knew a weapon like that didn't make sense in the real word, and certainly wouldn't be used for something like this. Unless...
"Would you please sign here?" Kat jumped and turned, there was a woman in the Doom tee patiently standing behind her, and had clearly been doing so for quite a while. Her eyes traveled to the clipboard in the woman's hand. On it was a poll:
What's the best way of dealing with Herb Scannel?
1. Make him watch his network until his head explodes
2. Kill him with lazers! No, Smoke machines!
3. Convince him that it's a good idea to tease Nny, then sit back and watch the magic.
4. Two words: Spork lacerations.
Kat signed and circled her preference "Thanks. Wanna see the current results?" The woman asked. Not waiting for a reply, she flipped the paper over revealing a tally sheet.
Number three was by far the preferred choice.
He got Reggie and Otto,
With a rusty old hacksaw,
And he sliced up Ginger,
Into Ginger coleslaw,
And he took a blunt object,
And he bashed CatDog's heads in,
And he held them both up,
And cried: "Who wants to pet 'em!??!"
After a Nicktoon-filled laser tag-ish game, a Nick Minion skeet shoot, and a show styled after Celebrity Deathmatch in which Jhonen horribly killed Scannel, our heroes grew tired of seeing heads explode. That's what brought them to the computer terminal they were all huddled around now. It had several keyboards branching out from it, and a sign above it which read: Talk to VirtualScannel. You could type your name and question on the screen, and the "VirtualScannel Artificial Unitelligence" would answer it chat room format. Ztarlight started:
Ztarlight: What is wrong with your brain?
VirtualScannel: I had it surgically removed, that thing was holding me back anyway.
Idgiebay: How can you rave about the quality of 'Rocket Power' and other such crap, but not see the goodness of IZ?
VirtualScannel: See above answer.
InvaderBast: How could IZ possibly corrupt the drooling babies who watch your network?
VirtualScannel: The dark nature of the show could cause children to become violent and kill thier peers.
InvaderQuin: Where's the logic in that?!?!
VirtualScannel: Vat ees dis log-ick?
KidKourage: Considering that, in your sad, deluded little world, IZ is a bad show, why did you take it on in the first place?
VirtualScannel: Jhonen hypnotized me with his superpowers. Now all I can eat is cheese. Help me...
CryingChild: No.
VirtualScannel: Oh... the pain.
TheSlayer: Are you the devil? If so, can you get me Pepito's autograph?
VirtualScannel: The devil? Pssht, I am FAR more evil than that poser.
DragonFromTheBlackLagoon: How many IZ fans have made attempts on your life?
VirtualScannel: I don't know, I can't count higher than seven.
Mel: What did you do that made everyone so mad?
VirtualScannel: I was born, thereby make the world a horrible place of pointless filth.
Kat23a: Would you please bash your head against the wall until your skull cracks in two? Pretty please?
VirtualScannel: I did, that's why my brain works the way it does.
"I haven't a clue who designed this..." Idgiebay said out loud, "But I'd like to shake her hand!"
The night Scannel went crazy,
The night Herbie went nuts,
Now you can't hardly walk around Nick Studios,
Without stepping in ugly butts,
There's the national guard and the FBI,
There's a van from the eyewitness news,
And IZ fans laughing so hard they might die,
And the bullets are flying,
The body count's rising,
And everyone's dying to know, oh Herbie why?
My my my my my my, you used to be such a boring guy!
The ten walked out of the anit-nick tent after the VirtualScannel conversation. Dooming is fun and all, but you can only do it for so long before it gets repetitive.
"You know," The Slayer said, "Although we fangirls, as a species, are happy little elves, we sure can get sadistic when dealing with Nick."
Dragon nodded. "It really is funny, even though Nick took in IZ willingly, it clamped down real fast. It just couldn't handle it. No wonder we're all outraged."
"IZ isn't even violent, or grim, despite what they say. What made them *think* it was, if you asked me, is the fact it's so different from anything else out there. The Nick Minions couldn't predict what would happen next with it, and that unnerved them. It's all about control." KidK said.
Bast smiled "Try not to trip getting down from that soapbox KidK!"
A tension-relieveing giggle bubbled through the tensome, and just before they walked completely out of earshot from the tent, they heard one more line of the song play:
Yes Virginia, now Herbie's got the chair...