Okay, for the record, I'm aware that stupid Nick has taken Zim off of Fridays, but I'm
living in a deluded fantasy world, so humor me. Also know that the idea of trivia on the
screen in this chap is from a Dr. Who convention I was recently privileged enough to
attend. Most, not all, of it is true. If you want I'll reveal what was made up and what
wasn't in the Author's Notes for the next chappie. No own.
I'll probably regret this, but... Invader Nina left a review asking to be in a bit part. I had
need for a random fangirl in this and other chapters, so... I decided to replace the nameless
random fangirl with Invader Nina. HOLD YER HORSES! I'll now take requests from
anybody who wants a bit part in one of my fics, BUT! I won't have enough parts for
everyone. It'll be first come, first serve. And you'll be likely to get one, two lines tops. I'm
not writing any new people in, just replacing random fans with real ones. So think about it
before you ask, kay? Kay.
One last thing: If you haven't yet seen The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever, I ***HIGHLY***
recommend you skip this chapter. It contains massive, MASSIVE spoilers, and it would
just ruin the fantastic episode.
-----------
Oh day of days, oh frabdigous day of happy doom. What the hell does "frabdigous" mean?
Well, that's not important right now, what IS important, is that it's FRIDAY! Also known
as Zimmy Zim Doom Night, the most wonderful day of the week! And, for obvious
reasons, THIS Friday is especially doomy, for if you've been paying any attention at all so
far, you'll know this Friday is to be spent at an IZ fanfiction convention! Surely this will
involve horrible tumor-inducing fun of incredible proportions! So without further ado,
let's join our heroes in their massive fun!
"Whadaya MEAN we can't come in?!" The Slayer shrieked.
"The South Wing Convention Hall is to be closed temporarily due to safety concerns." An
incredibly bored guard muttered through his teeth. During their stay, our heroes had
noticed a distinct difference between the staff working for the hotel and the staff working
for the convention itself, and this man clearly belonged to the former.
"Will it at least be open by 8:30?" Dragon asked, "No wait, I mean, 8:00, or 7:00, or, or,
whenever it is Nicks switched it around to."
"I don't know, miss."
"Do you know ANYthing that might conceivably be useful to us? Anything?" Dragon
asked, her eye twitching.
"I don't know, miss."
"Then I hate you."
"That's nice, miss."
"Well, now what are we going to do?" Quin asked
"Dunno," Idgie replied, "Mongo only pawn in game of life."
"I understand."
"Can we go shopping for souvenirs, cousin Sarah?" Mel asked, a hopeful and slightly sad
look in her eyes.
CryingChild groaned, but softened when she saw Mel's expression. "Rrrgh... well, I guess
it wouldn't be fair if you didn't do SOMEthing you could enjoy but... geez, can't you go
yourself?"
"But.. but I can't go alone!" she cried helplessly. "Please? I haven't done ANYthing good
all week, and... and..." her eyes began to tear.
A trapped animal look in her eyes, CryingChild glanced around, then sighed
melodramatically. "Okay, okay, you've got me. I'll go shopping with you. But then I shall
have to kill you."
"THANKS Sarah!" Mel said with relief, hugging her cousin in a death grip of love.
"This is such a Kodak moment..." Ztar held up her fingers, miming a camera.
"Shaddap. I'll skiya'll later. Go forth, and conquerrrrr!" CryingChild said, as she mimed
being dragged away by her retreating cousin.
"Well, that was... memorable." Bast said.
"Is that the most-often quoted JtHM line or what?" mused Dragon.
"No, no, 'I have head-explody!' THAT'S the most quoted JtHM line." KidK interjected.
"Ah yes. Well, now what?" asked The Slayer.
"Not sure. It didn't occur to me that we might have to actually THINK of things to do
with our BRAINS." said Bast
"Well, I suppose I could do some more checks in my room," Kat said, "but really, that
whole muder-victim-ghost thing was such a bust. I haven't seen ONE sign of him. I hate
him!" she quoted, "I hope he di- Oh yeah."
"Well..." Idgie began, "we could always look around the city. There should be something
interesting."
"This part seemed to be mostly stores and bars and restaurants." Ztar practically moaned
"But there might be more things over on the North side."
"How would we get there?" KidK reasoned "None of us have a car, and this strip goes on
for miles."
"Okay, YOU think of something then." challenged Quin
"Well," KidK responded, "maybe we could look around the hotel a bit before we try the
city. There might be a pool or an arcade or something."
"Now that's what I call thinking!" Ztar exclaimed. "It's also what I call broccoli, but that's
another matter."
"A strange matter." Bast observed
"Isn't that the stuff you get when you use a particle accelerator?" Kat began ranting, "And
that could hypothetically change all the atoms in the universe until everything is flung
suddenly to pieces in a giant wave of doom? Huh?! HUH?!"
"Blue!" explained Bast.
"Oh, okay then."
And so our intrepid heroes wandered aimlessly around the lobby for twenty minutes
straight. They soon found a hallway that looked promising, and started down it. Before
long they came to what initially looked like a bar, but was filled with several fangirls who
were clearly under twenty-one. It seemed to our heroes that most of the other people who
had been attending the convention were dispersed throughout the hotel, trying to kill time,
just as they were, until the convention hall opened again. The hotel must have been
anticipating this, as they had prepared by opening their bar to the larger, younger crowd
drawn by the convention. Our heroes had been walking for quite a bit now, and most of
them were thirsty, so they secured a large table near the empty stage and ordered sodas.
As they sipped their delightfully caffeinated drinks and muttered half-formed plans for the
rest of the day, the curtains on the stage parted revealing a young girl in a Ride The Piggy
shirt. She stepped up to the microphone.
"I am Invader Nina," she said shyly, "and this is my song." Immediately some soft, tinkly
and techno-sounding music began playing slowly. Nina closed her eyes and began to sing:
"I've traveled the world, and I've loved all it's beauty
Every last landmark I found
I've discovered the joys that this world has to offer
All of the mountains, cities, trees and ground
And I've campaigned for years against deforestation
To give Mother Earth a fresh start
But I'd burn every last redwood tree to the ground
If it would give me a place in your heart!"
The music suddenly changed, the beat sped up and the melody altered. It became very
fast-paced. Invader Nina opened her eyes and began dancing around the microphone, her
singing was more enthusiastic as she continued:
"Well I'd... shoot a warhead into St. Louis
I'd blast Italy into the air
I'd blow up Nevada, I'd level Madrid
There'd be rubble and dirt everywhere
So you, say you want to conquer me?
Well, I'll tell you what I'll do
Oh Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!
That's right, Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!"
She did a dangerous looking twirl, still holding the microphone stand and continued:
"I want to carve your face on Mt. Rushmore
In place of Washington
For you, I'll start the third World War
Once I can find some plutonium
Do you find all of this morbid?
Well, ...every bit is true
Oh Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!
That's right, Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!"
The music abruptly ended and the crowd cheered. Invader Nina gave an exaggerated bow.
Our heroes decided that maybe this wouldn't be such a bad place to kill time...
...And so, time was killed. Quite a great deal of time, in fact, so when the announcement
finally came over the PA system giving the all-clear for IZ convention goers, they were
relieved in more ways than one. Reunited with an exhausted and exasperated CryingChild
and a considerably happier Mel, they piled into the convention hall and saw WHY it had
been closed all morning. They had completely redone a huge section of it as a gigantic
IMAX theater! Hordes and hordes of raving fans climbed over one another for the chance
at a precious seat. As the chaos eventually died down and the dust cleared, no one noticed
there had been seating to spare making their struggle rather pointless. Our heroes'
collective gaze turned heavenwards as the massive IMAX speakers powered up. Seconds
later the blessed Invader Zim theme screamed through the ears and hearts and minds of
every fangirl in the tri-county area. It was that most magical time of the week, of any
week.
It was the Zim Time.
As the camera panned to Earth from space the title of: "The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever"
appeared. In small white lettering, bits of trivia appeared at the bottom of the screen:
(Episode Number: 37, First Aired: December 10, 2002, Production Code: 29)
(Alternate title: Jolly Jolly Jingle Doom)
"'EARTH: TWO MILLION YEARS IN THE FUTURE'" Typed out onto the screen. The
camera faded into a bedroom where a group of young children sat in front of a robotic
snow man.
"So raise the shields and have ye some joy 'cause Christmas time is here!" Mr Sludgy sang.
The screen scrolled up more trivia.
(Fred Tatasciore, the voice of Mr. Sludgy has played several small but memorable roles on
Invader Zim including Turkeyneck, Agent Darkbootie and Desmond Flapp. He has also
voiced minor characters on Family Guy and Baby Blues)
The children vibrated with glee and cheer. The fangirls sighed and smiled as the episode
continued to play. Soon the screen filled with images of Zim, GIR and MiniMoose
soliciting funds.
"Watch my dog eat snow!" Zim cried, "You! Watch the snow-eating! The amazing
snow-eating trick isn't working! The filthy horrible humans aren't giving us any Earth
monies. We need Earth monies to appear as normal Earth pigs. Hiiiiya!" He kicked GIR
into the snow.
("Monies" Are Irk's single official currency. They have no smaller subdivisions such as
nickels, dimes or pennies.) The trivia scrolled.
"MiniMoose!" Zim shouted. MiniMoose squeaked his reply.
(This is the only episode to feature MiniMoose in it, he was in created in Nubs of Doom
which was canceled.)
The trivia continued to scroll.
(Jhonen Vasquez plays MiniMoose in this episode, as well as the computer and the voices
of two children)
"How much have we earned?" Zim asks. MiniMoose squeaked again and faced towards
Zim, who looked into the collection plate. There were a couple of bucks, some change, a
sandwich, and a heart. Zim picked up the sandwich and sniffed it. "Tuna!?!" he cried,
"Tuna is worth nothing!!" Trivia continued to scroll:
(Tuna is actually legal tender in some countries)
So Zim, in an attempt to discover the source of his problem noticed several Salvation
Army Santas nearby. Suspecting some kind of conspiracy, he turned his attention to the
mall. A sign hung out front reading 'SEE SANTA NOW!' A mall Santa was set up is in the
middle of the open area of the mall. A line of children waited to see Santa, with GIR at the
front of the line. An enormous elf stood next to Santa.
(You can see the Video Outhouse in the mall from FBI Warning of Doom.)
(Peaches, the large clerk assistant who threw people on the conveyor belt in Game Slave
2, is a giant elf at the Mall.)
"And what do you want, little boy or girl?" Groaned the mall Santa, patting GIR on the
head.
(There were more rewrites of this scene than any other part of the episode, mainly
involving several versions of GIR's wishlist. Alternate drafts included a seven-foot
macaroon, a box of oily rags...)
"I wants me a barrel of floss!" GIR squealed as the trivia scrolled.
(...A tiny piano, seventeen and a half turtles, a traveling circus...)
"I wants me two balls of glue TO BE MY FRIENDS!"
(...A marshmallow hat, tin monkeys and a bola )
"And I wants to go dancing NAKED!"
(Originally Nickelodeon didn't want GIR to say this line, because they felt it implied he
wanted to be a stripper. The fact that GIR is almost always naked didn't seem to phase
them. GIR's total innocence eventually turned them around.)
Jillions of fangirls watched as Zim captured and interrogated Santa. Then their attentions
fled to the Membrane house. "Three Christmases ago," Gaz spat, "that dog ate the head
off of Bitey the Vampire! You said so yourself! I haven't forgotten."
(Contrary to rumors, Hottopic will not be coming out with a Bitey The Vampire doll.)
"Well, fixing an alien spaceship is hard enough without you distracting me." Dib shot
back.
(Fixing an alien ship really is hard. He's not joking.)
As Dib continued his attempts to fix Tak's Spittle Runner, he caused a blackout, and they
watched as Professor Membrane took up the scene by fixing it again. "Power is restored
to the Earth once more." He shouted. "It's a good thing I exist!" Membrane leapt in the air
and shot a beam of energy at the door.
(There was originally supposed to be an episode where Prof Membrane gained
superpowers, but it too, was canned by Nick.)
Before long Zim had won the hearts of pretty much everyone masquerading as Santa. "My
heart explodes with joy!" cried one woman, keeling over.
(Originally there was to be a small spurt of blood coming out of the woman's chest as her
heart exploded. Guess who found that inappropriate?)
"It's alllll yours, Santa!" President Man said enthusiastically.
(The voice actor for this role was arrested on Nov 14 2002 for child pornography and
having sex with a 14 year old boy)
As people flocked to Zim and Membra\ne revealed his secret vendetta against Santa, Zim
was on top of the world. Until...
"What's the matter, Santa!?!" Came Dib's mocking voice from offscreen.
Zim turned and stared in shock "Dib!" he cried with loathing.
"How do we know this is the real Santa!?!" Dib asked, turning to the crowd.
Sensing a possible danger, Zim sat and tried to project confidence. "Eh, of course I'm
Santa! I have robot elves!" As he spoke, the elves shoot lasers from their eyes up into the
air.
The crowd oohed. "Robot elves!" one person cried, "Just like in the stories!"
"What stories had robot elves?" Dib asked incredulously.
(There is actually one Christmas story with robot elves in it. But it's not very good.)
As the story moved on, pupils dilated and contracted in fascination. Zim's suit gained
power, nearly destroying Zim's personality. "Ooh's" and "Ah's" came from the fangirl
audience as Zim in the suit and Dib in a robot battled. The suit leapt over the crowd to
Dib, who fell backwards in his 'bot. Without a pause, the suit swiped one of its candy cane
claws at Dib. Dib frantically grabed the controls and moved out of the way just in time,
causing the suit to instead hit the nearby doom teleporter. The crowd scattered out of the
way of the falling debris, except for 45, who was crushed. Claws swung, breaking off the
laser cannon of Dib's 'bot.
"Rough him up real good, Johnny! Yeah!" a hunchbacked woman screamed.
(Although there is no actual proof of this, many have speculated this woman is an aged
Devi. Jhonen has neither confirmed nor denied this. If so, it should give an interesting new
meaning to her words.)
In the end the suit was destroyed along with Zim's plan. As Dib stood over the raging
crowd in his giant robot, fangirls were treated to the biggest cameo set in Invader Zim
history...
"Would Santa have teleported you into space?" Dib asked of the mob, "You were so
desperate for a real Santa that you believed a monster in a costume! That's not Christmas!
Go home! Forget about this! And spend time with your families... er whatever."
(If you look carefully here, you can see Kyle Menke, Eric Trueheart, Tavi and Rikki
Simons, Roman Dirge, Chris Graham -Also clutching 45's hat sadly- Brent Crowe, Jay
Bondy, Courtney Lilly, and Shawn Murray.)
Zim became the Easter Platypus. Santa attacked. Fangirls blissed. As the credits rolled,
one last bit of trivia scrolled under them.
(This episode ended up being too weird for the censors, and a good amount of stuff had to
be edited out with Jhonen's help -completely against his will, as his contract was over, and
he wasn't even supposed to be working on the show anymore. Things got so bad Jhonen
almost quit working on the episode. But he didn't. Yay.)
When the ending song had finally finished, a cheer so loud it seemed to shake the
foundations of the building erupted as one sustained note. And, as happens so very often
when Invader Zim fans are involved, chaos erupted. Miraculously, no one was trampled as
the legions of nutbags stampeded out of the theater and all around the hotel. Cheers and
laughter and screams echoed hours into the night, and our Ten Walkers laughed and cried
and braided each others' hair and all those things that happy, happy teenage girls are
supposed to do. They reveled in Jhonenyness and were so happy, so thrilled, that not even
CryingChild noticed that Mel was strangely distant...
...As if in awe.
----------------------
Fwahahahaha! The sweet, sweet tendrils of fandom are enclosing my unsuspecting cousin!
Next chapter: Another Mel Contemplation Scene!
living in a deluded fantasy world, so humor me. Also know that the idea of trivia on the
screen in this chap is from a Dr. Who convention I was recently privileged enough to
attend. Most, not all, of it is true. If you want I'll reveal what was made up and what
wasn't in the Author's Notes for the next chappie. No own.
I'll probably regret this, but... Invader Nina left a review asking to be in a bit part. I had
need for a random fangirl in this and other chapters, so... I decided to replace the nameless
random fangirl with Invader Nina. HOLD YER HORSES! I'll now take requests from
anybody who wants a bit part in one of my fics, BUT! I won't have enough parts for
everyone. It'll be first come, first serve. And you'll be likely to get one, two lines tops. I'm
not writing any new people in, just replacing random fans with real ones. So think about it
before you ask, kay? Kay.
One last thing: If you haven't yet seen The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever, I ***HIGHLY***
recommend you skip this chapter. It contains massive, MASSIVE spoilers, and it would
just ruin the fantastic episode.
-----------
Oh day of days, oh frabdigous day of happy doom. What the hell does "frabdigous" mean?
Well, that's not important right now, what IS important, is that it's FRIDAY! Also known
as Zimmy Zim Doom Night, the most wonderful day of the week! And, for obvious
reasons, THIS Friday is especially doomy, for if you've been paying any attention at all so
far, you'll know this Friday is to be spent at an IZ fanfiction convention! Surely this will
involve horrible tumor-inducing fun of incredible proportions! So without further ado,
let's join our heroes in their massive fun!
"Whadaya MEAN we can't come in?!" The Slayer shrieked.
"The South Wing Convention Hall is to be closed temporarily due to safety concerns." An
incredibly bored guard muttered through his teeth. During their stay, our heroes had
noticed a distinct difference between the staff working for the hotel and the staff working
for the convention itself, and this man clearly belonged to the former.
"Will it at least be open by 8:30?" Dragon asked, "No wait, I mean, 8:00, or 7:00, or, or,
whenever it is Nicks switched it around to."
"I don't know, miss."
"Do you know ANYthing that might conceivably be useful to us? Anything?" Dragon
asked, her eye twitching.
"I don't know, miss."
"Then I hate you."
"That's nice, miss."
"Well, now what are we going to do?" Quin asked
"Dunno," Idgie replied, "Mongo only pawn in game of life."
"I understand."
"Can we go shopping for souvenirs, cousin Sarah?" Mel asked, a hopeful and slightly sad
look in her eyes.
CryingChild groaned, but softened when she saw Mel's expression. "Rrrgh... well, I guess
it wouldn't be fair if you didn't do SOMEthing you could enjoy but... geez, can't you go
yourself?"
"But.. but I can't go alone!" she cried helplessly. "Please? I haven't done ANYthing good
all week, and... and..." her eyes began to tear.
A trapped animal look in her eyes, CryingChild glanced around, then sighed
melodramatically. "Okay, okay, you've got me. I'll go shopping with you. But then I shall
have to kill you."
"THANKS Sarah!" Mel said with relief, hugging her cousin in a death grip of love.
"This is such a Kodak moment..." Ztar held up her fingers, miming a camera.
"Shaddap. I'll skiya'll later. Go forth, and conquerrrrr!" CryingChild said, as she mimed
being dragged away by her retreating cousin.
"Well, that was... memorable." Bast said.
"Is that the most-often quoted JtHM line or what?" mused Dragon.
"No, no, 'I have head-explody!' THAT'S the most quoted JtHM line." KidK interjected.
"Ah yes. Well, now what?" asked The Slayer.
"Not sure. It didn't occur to me that we might have to actually THINK of things to do
with our BRAINS." said Bast
"Well, I suppose I could do some more checks in my room," Kat said, "but really, that
whole muder-victim-ghost thing was such a bust. I haven't seen ONE sign of him. I hate
him!" she quoted, "I hope he di- Oh yeah."
"Well..." Idgie began, "we could always look around the city. There should be something
interesting."
"This part seemed to be mostly stores and bars and restaurants." Ztar practically moaned
"But there might be more things over on the North side."
"How would we get there?" KidK reasoned "None of us have a car, and this strip goes on
for miles."
"Okay, YOU think of something then." challenged Quin
"Well," KidK responded, "maybe we could look around the hotel a bit before we try the
city. There might be a pool or an arcade or something."
"Now that's what I call thinking!" Ztar exclaimed. "It's also what I call broccoli, but that's
another matter."
"A strange matter." Bast observed
"Isn't that the stuff you get when you use a particle accelerator?" Kat began ranting, "And
that could hypothetically change all the atoms in the universe until everything is flung
suddenly to pieces in a giant wave of doom? Huh?! HUH?!"
"Blue!" explained Bast.
"Oh, okay then."
And so our intrepid heroes wandered aimlessly around the lobby for twenty minutes
straight. They soon found a hallway that looked promising, and started down it. Before
long they came to what initially looked like a bar, but was filled with several fangirls who
were clearly under twenty-one. It seemed to our heroes that most of the other people who
had been attending the convention were dispersed throughout the hotel, trying to kill time,
just as they were, until the convention hall opened again. The hotel must have been
anticipating this, as they had prepared by opening their bar to the larger, younger crowd
drawn by the convention. Our heroes had been walking for quite a bit now, and most of
them were thirsty, so they secured a large table near the empty stage and ordered sodas.
As they sipped their delightfully caffeinated drinks and muttered half-formed plans for the
rest of the day, the curtains on the stage parted revealing a young girl in a Ride The Piggy
shirt. She stepped up to the microphone.
"I am Invader Nina," she said shyly, "and this is my song." Immediately some soft, tinkly
and techno-sounding music began playing slowly. Nina closed her eyes and began to sing:
"I've traveled the world, and I've loved all it's beauty
Every last landmark I found
I've discovered the joys that this world has to offer
All of the mountains, cities, trees and ground
And I've campaigned for years against deforestation
To give Mother Earth a fresh start
But I'd burn every last redwood tree to the ground
If it would give me a place in your heart!"
The music suddenly changed, the beat sped up and the melody altered. It became very
fast-paced. Invader Nina opened her eyes and began dancing around the microphone, her
singing was more enthusiastic as she continued:
"Well I'd... shoot a warhead into St. Louis
I'd blast Italy into the air
I'd blow up Nevada, I'd level Madrid
There'd be rubble and dirt everywhere
So you, say you want to conquer me?
Well, I'll tell you what I'll do
Oh Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!
That's right, Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!"
She did a dangerous looking twirl, still holding the microphone stand and continued:
"I want to carve your face on Mt. Rushmore
In place of Washington
For you, I'll start the third World War
Once I can find some plutonium
Do you find all of this morbid?
Well, ...every bit is true
Oh Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!
That's right, Zim, Zim baby, I'll destroy the world for you!"
The music abruptly ended and the crowd cheered. Invader Nina gave an exaggerated bow.
Our heroes decided that maybe this wouldn't be such a bad place to kill time...
...And so, time was killed. Quite a great deal of time, in fact, so when the announcement
finally came over the PA system giving the all-clear for IZ convention goers, they were
relieved in more ways than one. Reunited with an exhausted and exasperated CryingChild
and a considerably happier Mel, they piled into the convention hall and saw WHY it had
been closed all morning. They had completely redone a huge section of it as a gigantic
IMAX theater! Hordes and hordes of raving fans climbed over one another for the chance
at a precious seat. As the chaos eventually died down and the dust cleared, no one noticed
there had been seating to spare making their struggle rather pointless. Our heroes'
collective gaze turned heavenwards as the massive IMAX speakers powered up. Seconds
later the blessed Invader Zim theme screamed through the ears and hearts and minds of
every fangirl in the tri-county area. It was that most magical time of the week, of any
week.
It was the Zim Time.
As the camera panned to Earth from space the title of: "The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever"
appeared. In small white lettering, bits of trivia appeared at the bottom of the screen:
(Episode Number: 37, First Aired: December 10, 2002, Production Code: 29)
(Alternate title: Jolly Jolly Jingle Doom)
"'EARTH: TWO MILLION YEARS IN THE FUTURE'" Typed out onto the screen. The
camera faded into a bedroom where a group of young children sat in front of a robotic
snow man.
"So raise the shields and have ye some joy 'cause Christmas time is here!" Mr Sludgy sang.
The screen scrolled up more trivia.
(Fred Tatasciore, the voice of Mr. Sludgy has played several small but memorable roles on
Invader Zim including Turkeyneck, Agent Darkbootie and Desmond Flapp. He has also
voiced minor characters on Family Guy and Baby Blues)
The children vibrated with glee and cheer. The fangirls sighed and smiled as the episode
continued to play. Soon the screen filled with images of Zim, GIR and MiniMoose
soliciting funds.
"Watch my dog eat snow!" Zim cried, "You! Watch the snow-eating! The amazing
snow-eating trick isn't working! The filthy horrible humans aren't giving us any Earth
monies. We need Earth monies to appear as normal Earth pigs. Hiiiiya!" He kicked GIR
into the snow.
("Monies" Are Irk's single official currency. They have no smaller subdivisions such as
nickels, dimes or pennies.) The trivia scrolled.
"MiniMoose!" Zim shouted. MiniMoose squeaked his reply.
(This is the only episode to feature MiniMoose in it, he was in created in Nubs of Doom
which was canceled.)
The trivia continued to scroll.
(Jhonen Vasquez plays MiniMoose in this episode, as well as the computer and the voices
of two children)
"How much have we earned?" Zim asks. MiniMoose squeaked again and faced towards
Zim, who looked into the collection plate. There were a couple of bucks, some change, a
sandwich, and a heart. Zim picked up the sandwich and sniffed it. "Tuna!?!" he cried,
"Tuna is worth nothing!!" Trivia continued to scroll:
(Tuna is actually legal tender in some countries)
So Zim, in an attempt to discover the source of his problem noticed several Salvation
Army Santas nearby. Suspecting some kind of conspiracy, he turned his attention to the
mall. A sign hung out front reading 'SEE SANTA NOW!' A mall Santa was set up is in the
middle of the open area of the mall. A line of children waited to see Santa, with GIR at the
front of the line. An enormous elf stood next to Santa.
(You can see the Video Outhouse in the mall from FBI Warning of Doom.)
(Peaches, the large clerk assistant who threw people on the conveyor belt in Game Slave
2, is a giant elf at the Mall.)
"And what do you want, little boy or girl?" Groaned the mall Santa, patting GIR on the
head.
(There were more rewrites of this scene than any other part of the episode, mainly
involving several versions of GIR's wishlist. Alternate drafts included a seven-foot
macaroon, a box of oily rags...)
"I wants me a barrel of floss!" GIR squealed as the trivia scrolled.
(...A tiny piano, seventeen and a half turtles, a traveling circus...)
"I wants me two balls of glue TO BE MY FRIENDS!"
(...A marshmallow hat, tin monkeys and a bola )
"And I wants to go dancing NAKED!"
(Originally Nickelodeon didn't want GIR to say this line, because they felt it implied he
wanted to be a stripper. The fact that GIR is almost always naked didn't seem to phase
them. GIR's total innocence eventually turned them around.)
Jillions of fangirls watched as Zim captured and interrogated Santa. Then their attentions
fled to the Membrane house. "Three Christmases ago," Gaz spat, "that dog ate the head
off of Bitey the Vampire! You said so yourself! I haven't forgotten."
(Contrary to rumors, Hottopic will not be coming out with a Bitey The Vampire doll.)
"Well, fixing an alien spaceship is hard enough without you distracting me." Dib shot
back.
(Fixing an alien ship really is hard. He's not joking.)
As Dib continued his attempts to fix Tak's Spittle Runner, he caused a blackout, and they
watched as Professor Membrane took up the scene by fixing it again. "Power is restored
to the Earth once more." He shouted. "It's a good thing I exist!" Membrane leapt in the air
and shot a beam of energy at the door.
(There was originally supposed to be an episode where Prof Membrane gained
superpowers, but it too, was canned by Nick.)
Before long Zim had won the hearts of pretty much everyone masquerading as Santa. "My
heart explodes with joy!" cried one woman, keeling over.
(Originally there was to be a small spurt of blood coming out of the woman's chest as her
heart exploded. Guess who found that inappropriate?)
"It's alllll yours, Santa!" President Man said enthusiastically.
(The voice actor for this role was arrested on Nov 14 2002 for child pornography and
having sex with a 14 year old boy)
As people flocked to Zim and Membra\ne revealed his secret vendetta against Santa, Zim
was on top of the world. Until...
"What's the matter, Santa!?!" Came Dib's mocking voice from offscreen.
Zim turned and stared in shock "Dib!" he cried with loathing.
"How do we know this is the real Santa!?!" Dib asked, turning to the crowd.
Sensing a possible danger, Zim sat and tried to project confidence. "Eh, of course I'm
Santa! I have robot elves!" As he spoke, the elves shoot lasers from their eyes up into the
air.
The crowd oohed. "Robot elves!" one person cried, "Just like in the stories!"
"What stories had robot elves?" Dib asked incredulously.
(There is actually one Christmas story with robot elves in it. But it's not very good.)
As the story moved on, pupils dilated and contracted in fascination. Zim's suit gained
power, nearly destroying Zim's personality. "Ooh's" and "Ah's" came from the fangirl
audience as Zim in the suit and Dib in a robot battled. The suit leapt over the crowd to
Dib, who fell backwards in his 'bot. Without a pause, the suit swiped one of its candy cane
claws at Dib. Dib frantically grabed the controls and moved out of the way just in time,
causing the suit to instead hit the nearby doom teleporter. The crowd scattered out of the
way of the falling debris, except for 45, who was crushed. Claws swung, breaking off the
laser cannon of Dib's 'bot.
"Rough him up real good, Johnny! Yeah!" a hunchbacked woman screamed.
(Although there is no actual proof of this, many have speculated this woman is an aged
Devi. Jhonen has neither confirmed nor denied this. If so, it should give an interesting new
meaning to her words.)
In the end the suit was destroyed along with Zim's plan. As Dib stood over the raging
crowd in his giant robot, fangirls were treated to the biggest cameo set in Invader Zim
history...
"Would Santa have teleported you into space?" Dib asked of the mob, "You were so
desperate for a real Santa that you believed a monster in a costume! That's not Christmas!
Go home! Forget about this! And spend time with your families... er whatever."
(If you look carefully here, you can see Kyle Menke, Eric Trueheart, Tavi and Rikki
Simons, Roman Dirge, Chris Graham -Also clutching 45's hat sadly- Brent Crowe, Jay
Bondy, Courtney Lilly, and Shawn Murray.)
Zim became the Easter Platypus. Santa attacked. Fangirls blissed. As the credits rolled,
one last bit of trivia scrolled under them.
(This episode ended up being too weird for the censors, and a good amount of stuff had to
be edited out with Jhonen's help -completely against his will, as his contract was over, and
he wasn't even supposed to be working on the show anymore. Things got so bad Jhonen
almost quit working on the episode. But he didn't. Yay.)
When the ending song had finally finished, a cheer so loud it seemed to shake the
foundations of the building erupted as one sustained note. And, as happens so very often
when Invader Zim fans are involved, chaos erupted. Miraculously, no one was trampled as
the legions of nutbags stampeded out of the theater and all around the hotel. Cheers and
laughter and screams echoed hours into the night, and our Ten Walkers laughed and cried
and braided each others' hair and all those things that happy, happy teenage girls are
supposed to do. They reveled in Jhonenyness and were so happy, so thrilled, that not even
CryingChild noticed that Mel was strangely distant...
...As if in awe.
----------------------
Fwahahahaha! The sweet, sweet tendrils of fandom are enclosing my unsuspecting cousin!
Next chapter: Another Mel Contemplation Scene!