Halloween: Jerry Springer
by weirdDAR
Announcer: Today, on the Jerry Springer show! Our topic will be, "homicidal maniacs and their family members" And here is your host, JERRY SPRINGER!
*The crowd chants 'Jerry' as Jerry comes out from back stage*
Jerry: Hello, and welcome to today's edition of the Jerry Springer show. Today's topic, "Homicidal Maniacs and their family members" Our first guest was suppose to be Drew Carey, but he couldn't make it. Instead, we have the second best...Micheal Myers? What's up with that? I thought it's spelled Michael?
*The stage manager comes out and whispers in his ear*
Jerry: Oh, a constant typo? *concentrates on the show* Well, let's bring him out. Here he is, Micheal Myers!*He does that stupid thing he does with his arm...you know what I'm talking about*
(Micheal Myers walks out from back stage)
Jerry: How are you doing Micheal?
(Micheal stares in silence)
Jerry: Fine don't talk. I don't even feel like suprizeing you. Let's just bring out your sister, Judith Myers!
(Judith walks out)
(Micheal does a confused look, but as you know, you can't tell because of the mask)
Jerry:Yes, we all know you killed her. But we brought her back from the dead.
(Micheal takes out a knife and goes after his sister)
Jerry: No Micheal!
Judith: Kill me, you son of a *beep* (yes, I know they don't usually beep that word out, but the show has lasted for like a minute now and there hasn't been any beeps so I had to beep something or it wouldn't be the Jerry Springer show)
Jerry: Wait, Micheal.(Micheal stops and stares at Jerry in impatienceness) Why do you want to kill her?
(Micheal pulls out a video tape. The label appears to be "Halloween: the curse of Michael Myers")
Jerry: NO! Don't make us watch that please! Just kill Judith and be on with it.
Judith: What?
Jerry: Sorry, but I can't stand to watch another stupid Halloween movie.
Judith: Oh, *beep* you Jerry!
(Micheal staps her in the stomach about three times, she falls down and dies. Micheal sits in one of the chairs)
Jerry: Let's talk to someone in the audience. (Everyone raises their hands, Jerry pickes a random person)
Person: Yeah, you in the mask! (Micheal looks around, and points to himself) Yes, you! How come you wear that mask? Are you ugly or something?
(Micheal ignores this guy)
Person: hey I'm talking to yoU! Answer me, dammit. (The person goes up on stage, he yells some words, most of them get beeped. Micheal stands up and goes to stab him, but the person knocks the knife out of Micheal's hand)
Person: Not so tough without your knife, huh?
(Micheal shrugs his shoulders and chokes the guy. Security are too afraid to stop him. The person falls to the floor, dead)
Jerry: Um...let's go to a commercial and when we come back, I'll give my final thought.
*To commercial*
Commercial lady: Have you been sexually harrassed? stabbed? Murdered? Burried alive? Well if you have....call us and we can help! 1-900-piss-off9
(next commercial)
Some guy: my ass itches and I don't like it. What do I do?
(A magic tube starts to float in the air)
what are you?
The magic tube: I am nothing more than a magic tube of ass creme!
Some guy: you can help my itching?
The magic tube: Yes, all you have to do is get your best friend to help you rub this ass creme in your ass. In five minutes of rubbing, you'll feel fine.
Some guy: GREAT! (smiles, takes the tube and finds his friend)
Best friend: what do you need, some guy?
Some guy: I need you to rub this ass creme on my ass for five minutes, best friend.
Best friend: (smiles) okay. (some guy pulls his pants down and the best friend goes down and you can hear rubbing. Some guy moans in excitement)
Some guy: Thanks magic tube!
*next commercial*
Announcer: If you want FREE tickets to the Jerry Springer show...too damn bad. Send in 340.99 in Amercian unmarked bills and you can have a ticket. Call 1-800-Jerry-show
*Back to the show*
(Jerry is shown bending over in excitement...he sees he is being filmed)
Jerry: Hey! Stop Tommy.
(you see one of the security guards pop up from behind him, holding the ass creme tube)
Jerry: Okay, (pulls his pants up and zips them) For my final thought: what have we learned from this super short episode of the Jerry Springer show? Have we learned violence isn't neccesary? Have we learned we shouldn't stab people? of course not. All we know is we had fun watching two people die. Good night.
NEXT CHAPTER:
Hmmm, I don't know. This Micheal Myers series is missing something. I don't want him to have any killing sprees because it'd be like any other 'scary movie' parody. (I'm going to make it a huge series, so if you have any ideas...email squee81@go.com I'll give you credit for the idea...I promise)
As for now, I have no clue what the next chapter will be about. I guess you'll have just have to wait.
by weirdDAR
Announcer: Today, on the Jerry Springer show! Our topic will be, "homicidal maniacs and their family members" And here is your host, JERRY SPRINGER!
*The crowd chants 'Jerry' as Jerry comes out from back stage*
Jerry: Hello, and welcome to today's edition of the Jerry Springer show. Today's topic, "Homicidal Maniacs and their family members" Our first guest was suppose to be Drew Carey, but he couldn't make it. Instead, we have the second best...Micheal Myers? What's up with that? I thought it's spelled Michael?
*The stage manager comes out and whispers in his ear*
Jerry: Oh, a constant typo? *concentrates on the show* Well, let's bring him out. Here he is, Micheal Myers!*He does that stupid thing he does with his arm...you know what I'm talking about*
(Micheal Myers walks out from back stage)
Jerry: How are you doing Micheal?
(Micheal stares in silence)
Jerry: Fine don't talk. I don't even feel like suprizeing you. Let's just bring out your sister, Judith Myers!
(Judith walks out)
(Micheal does a confused look, but as you know, you can't tell because of the mask)
Jerry:Yes, we all know you killed her. But we brought her back from the dead.
(Micheal takes out a knife and goes after his sister)
Jerry: No Micheal!
Judith: Kill me, you son of a *beep* (yes, I know they don't usually beep that word out, but the show has lasted for like a minute now and there hasn't been any beeps so I had to beep something or it wouldn't be the Jerry Springer show)
Jerry: Wait, Micheal.(Micheal stops and stares at Jerry in impatienceness) Why do you want to kill her?
(Micheal pulls out a video tape. The label appears to be "Halloween: the curse of Michael Myers")
Jerry: NO! Don't make us watch that please! Just kill Judith and be on with it.
Judith: What?
Jerry: Sorry, but I can't stand to watch another stupid Halloween movie.
Judith: Oh, *beep* you Jerry!
(Micheal staps her in the stomach about three times, she falls down and dies. Micheal sits in one of the chairs)
Jerry: Let's talk to someone in the audience. (Everyone raises their hands, Jerry pickes a random person)
Person: Yeah, you in the mask! (Micheal looks around, and points to himself) Yes, you! How come you wear that mask? Are you ugly or something?
(Micheal ignores this guy)
Person: hey I'm talking to yoU! Answer me, dammit. (The person goes up on stage, he yells some words, most of them get beeped. Micheal stands up and goes to stab him, but the person knocks the knife out of Micheal's hand)
Person: Not so tough without your knife, huh?
(Micheal shrugs his shoulders and chokes the guy. Security are too afraid to stop him. The person falls to the floor, dead)
Jerry: Um...let's go to a commercial and when we come back, I'll give my final thought.
*To commercial*
Commercial lady: Have you been sexually harrassed? stabbed? Murdered? Burried alive? Well if you have....call us and we can help! 1-900-piss-off9
(next commercial)
Some guy: my ass itches and I don't like it. What do I do?
(A magic tube starts to float in the air)
what are you?
The magic tube: I am nothing more than a magic tube of ass creme!
Some guy: you can help my itching?
The magic tube: Yes, all you have to do is get your best friend to help you rub this ass creme in your ass. In five minutes of rubbing, you'll feel fine.
Some guy: GREAT! (smiles, takes the tube and finds his friend)
Best friend: what do you need, some guy?
Some guy: I need you to rub this ass creme on my ass for five minutes, best friend.
Best friend: (smiles) okay. (some guy pulls his pants down and the best friend goes down and you can hear rubbing. Some guy moans in excitement)
Some guy: Thanks magic tube!
*next commercial*
Announcer: If you want FREE tickets to the Jerry Springer show...too damn bad. Send in 340.99 in Amercian unmarked bills and you can have a ticket. Call 1-800-Jerry-show
*Back to the show*
(Jerry is shown bending over in excitement...he sees he is being filmed)
Jerry: Hey! Stop Tommy.
(you see one of the security guards pop up from behind him, holding the ass creme tube)
Jerry: Okay, (pulls his pants up and zips them) For my final thought: what have we learned from this super short episode of the Jerry Springer show? Have we learned violence isn't neccesary? Have we learned we shouldn't stab people? of course not. All we know is we had fun watching two people die. Good night.
NEXT CHAPTER:
Hmmm, I don't know. This Micheal Myers series is missing something. I don't want him to have any killing sprees because it'd be like any other 'scary movie' parody. (I'm going to make it a huge series, so if you have any ideas...email squee81@go.com I'll give you credit for the idea...I promise)
As for now, I have no clue what the next chapter will be about. I guess you'll have just have to wait.