Lights flickered as they walked down the corridor of the derelict craft. The Cat and Kryten had gone off in one direction, Rimmer and Lister in the other. Recently, this was how things went nine times out of ten when they had to split up. Rimmer was waiting for someone to get suspicious about this, but nobody had said anything yet.

Lister bumped his shoulder against Rimmer's companionably and grinned at him, snaking an arm around his waist and giving him a squeeze. Rimmer glanced at him and gave him a tight smile as they continued walking. Lister was always affectionate and touchy-feely, so much so that Rimmer sometimes wondered why he still felt so insecure.

They had been together for more than two months now and Lister didn't seem to be showing any signs of getting bored - Rimmer had been monitoring the situation closely - but things between them weren't progressing either. Any attempts Rimmer made to define their relationship or make it more official resulted in Lister getting huffy or changing the subject.

In Rimmer's family, there were rigid expectations both for career and personal life. The unwritten rulebook stated that one must be dating steadily by 22, engaged by 25, and married by 27. All of his brothers had easily met those milestones, but Rimmer had failed to meet even the first one, even ten years too late. Just another reason he was a failure in their eyes.

His family wouldn't have approved of Lister for multiple reasons, but they were all dead and gone so the point was moot. Yet his upbringing led him to have certain expectations for the path a successful relationship. And like with everything else, Lister's attitude to their relationship was much more carefree, and that made Rimmer anxious.

"Come on love, let's have a look in here," Lister said.

Rimmer's simulated heart missed a beat as Lister steered him around to a doorway. He remembered being filled with considerable disappointment when he discovered that where Lister was from, love was a term of endearment merely on par with mate. Still, Rimmer liked to think that it meant Lister loved him. He still cringed with embarrassment when he thought of the time he asked Lister to say he loved him and Lister refused. They hadn't spoken of it since, and Rimmer had been pretending it didn't matter.

"Looks like an officer's quarters," Rimmer said as they stepped inside.

"Yeah, there ought to be some good gear in here," Lister said, immediately starting to rummage through a cupboard.

Rimmer gazed around the room. It was uncanny how perfectly spaceships preserved personal possessions long after their owners' skeletons had long crumbled to dust. Everything was still in place as if they might return any minute.

He picked up a photo-frame decorated with hearts and horseshoes with the legend just married in a curly typeface. In the photo, a tall slim black man had his arm around a shorter stockier man with a deep golden tan and a beard. They were both beaming and wearing the same checked shirts, cargo shorts and sandals.

Through all his years of pining after Lister, Rimmer hadn't even fantasised about them getting married. That was too much, his subconscious didn't actually think he had a chance with him. Don't be such a goit Rimmer, I'm not marrying a hologram, he imagined Lister saying if he brought up the topic.

"Aww, look at 'em, wearing the same shirts and all. Do you think we should start dressing the same?" Lister said, hanging over Rimmer's shoulder.

Rimmer put the photo back down where he found it. "Well Lister, if only you'd wear your uniform, we could," he said.

"No way," Lister said. "Everyone at the JMC has been dead for millions of years. No-one's gonna judge you for dressing down."

Rimmer brushed some imaginary dirt off his uniform. "Wearing proper uniform a matter of pride and dignity," he said.

"Is it? Well, come over here and see what I've found."

Rimmer followed Lister and saw that he had found a virtual reality console and a stack of games. Lister went through the pile and held one of them up to Rimmer.

"XXX: A game for 2+ lovers," Rimmer read, and frowned. "Wait, two plus?"

"Yeah, they've made it inclusive, not just for couples. You gotta remember Smithy and her polycule, right?"

"Oh yes of course, they took up two whole tables in the mess hall," Rimmer said.

"Well it sounds like it'd work just fine with the two of us," Lister said with a grin and a wink.

"You're not suggesting-"

"Oh come on babe, it might give us some new ideas," Lister said, putting his arm around Rimmer's shoulders.

Rimmer bit his lip. "Fine, we can take it back to the ship with us."

"We don't want to risk getting addicted to it. Let's just give it a try here," Lister said, turning to face Rimmer and pressing his leg in between his.

Rimmer pulled Lister closer and kissed him. Lister knew exactly how to get his own way. "Fine. But we should be quick," he said.

Lister grinned and started to grind his hips against Rimmer's. "Ooh, it's like that time in the storage cupboard all over again," he said.

Rimmer felt a throbbing need rising in his trousers. He could just drag Lister over to the long dead officer's bed and have his way with him there, but Lister was set on playing the game. "Pass me a headset," he said.

Lister hurriedly jammed the game into the slot in the console, and then handed a headset to Rimmer. He smiled and took hold of Rimmer's hand before he lowered the headset over his face. Rimmer put on his own headset and gripped Lister's hand tightly, trying to put the thoughts of the last virtual reality game they had played out of his mind. It couldn't be as bad this time, could it? After all, this was a completely different kind of game.