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AFTERMATH 6: MOTHER AND SON
(A/N: My ideas and headcanons are pretty well open-source for whoever wants to use the ideas in their own stories. In fact, if anyone should ever want to write something based on this series itself, go for it. Just be sure to credit me if you do.)
Doctor's Orders
"I'm getting sick and tired of all these miserable little parties I've been expected to attend as of late," Monkey Fist complained to Drakken and Killigan as he stood on the sidelines with a glass of red wine in hand. He sighed. "I suppose this one at least is more tolerable than others have been.
"Aye. Less formal, fewer strangers. Jus' colleagues, simple an' pure," Killigan said. Even he felt somewhat relaxed here.
"Good evening, gentlemen. Enjoying the party?" Hench's current favourite asked, strolling up to them.
"What was your name again?" Drakken asked.
"Perkins, sir. Hank Perkins," Perkins said, expression becoming slightly pinched at the lack of acknowledgement. Especially given how well they'd worked together before.
"Oh right. College boy," Drakken said.
"Ignore him. He knows perfectly well who you are. He's only playing dense," Monkey Fist said, frowning at Drakken.
"Ah. Perfectly understandable," Hank said. "So, the party. Your thoughts?"
"Mr. Hench's parties are just about the only ones I can tolerate, so clearly he's doing something right," Monkey Fist replied.
"He really does know how to strike that perfect balance between refined and energetic," Drakken said. "No need to put on airs or make it a status symbol. As far as he's concerned, he's just mixing business with pleasure."
"Right you are, Dr. Drakken. Relaxed clients are profitable clients. Besides, the stronger the relationships formed amongst his clientele, the more likely they are to collaborate. When they collaborate, they get creative. When they get creative..." Hank began.
"Yes, yes, the more creative the vision, the more elaborate the equipment, the more money that gets spent. Profit, profit, profit," Monkey Fist said.
"It isn't all about the profit Lord Fiske, not at all! In fact Mr. Hench promotes strong interpersonal relationships among clientele because it can positively affect their mental health and wellbeing, increasing their chances of success," Hank said.
"And when they succeed, et's profit, profit, profit," Killigan cut in.
Hank grinned lamely at them, nervously chuckling and shrugging. "You can tell Mr. Hench we're onto his little games," Drakken said.
"Oh I know Dr. Drakken. You three are one of his favourite collaborations of all time," Hank said. The trio started, looking at him in disbelief. Hank smirked. "Enjoy the party," he sang, walking off with a casual wave.
"Why that little..." Monkey Fist began.
"Let et go. Et's no' worth et," Killigan said, shrugging it off.
"Where did your mother wander off to?" Drakken asked Monkey Fist, looking around.
"Who knows, who cares?" Monkey Fist bitterly replied. He took a sip of the wine.
"Why did ye bring her at all?" Killigan wondered.
"Humph. Hench's client outreach initiative. She received the invitation, she asked about it, she insisted on coming along," Monkey Fist wryly said. "Not that mother will prove much use to Mr. Hench. She's quite traditional and old-fashioned you know. HenchCo decidedly isn't."
"So are you, and he still makes a mint off your schemes," Drakken replied.
"Not half as much as you might think," Monkey Fist replied, glaring at his friend.
"Montgomery! Montgomery, come here right this instant," Nanny Maim said.
Monkey Fist grimaced and threw back the rest of the wine. Goodness knew he was going to need it. "Coming mother!" he sang out, forcing a grin. Reluctantly he left the company of his two companions and made his way toward his parent, more than a little annoyed. For good measure, he snatched another glass of wine and downed it. Just in case. The miserable old spinster would drive him to drink, he wryly joked to himself. Clearly, he was already halfway there.
Nanny Maim, across the room, was examining a device curiously. "What is this, Dearest?" she asked.
"A computer, mother," Monkey Fist said.
"Not just any computer, Lady Fiske, but HenchCo's latest and greatest..." Jack Hench began, sauntering up.
"Mr. Hench, you will absolutely not be taking advantage of my mother's old age and senility!" Monkey Fist cut off.
"Senility? How dare you, Monty?" Nanny Maim testily said, clearly offended.
"If the shoe fits, wear it," Monkey Fist replied, grinning a faux pleasant grin.
"Ooh, have you ever seen such a child, Mr. Hench?" Maim dramatically asked, putting the back of her hand to her forehead. Jack awkwardly chuckled and cleared his throat, straightening his tie a little.
"For the last time, mother, I'm not a child!" Monkey Fist replied.
"Then stop behaving as one," she said.
"I'm not! That's only your skewed perception of what a child is like," Monkey Fist retorted. Jack looked from one to the other uncomfortably. Heads were starting to turn now.
"I should think I know far better than you what a child is like, Montgomery," she said.
"You're old and senile!" he snapped.
"Senile this!" Nanny Maim snapped, striking him on the head with her pointer.
"Ouch! Mother, put that blasted thing away before you poke someone's eye out! Or your own for that matter," Monkey Fist bit. She rapped him again. "Give me that!" he ordered, seizing it and starting to fight her for its possession.
"Let go this instant!" Nanny Maim protested.
"You let go!" Monkey Fist replied.
"The man wrestling an old woman for a little stick claims he's not a child? Humph, indeed," Nanny Maim replied.
"This is for your own good!" Monkey Fist said.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down, people," Hench said, quickly intervening and getting between the two, pushing them apart with a grimace. He had to start saving face here or people were going to begin to take off. "Why don't we step into my office and talk this through, hmm? No reason to ruin a party like this. You both have such fine reputations to keep up, so come with me and we'll deal with it elsewhere. Mr. Perkins, you're in charge!"
"Yes sir Mr. Hench!" Hank called from across the room, sticking a hand up above the crowd and giving a thumbs up.
"Good man!" Hench called, quickly guiding the two aristocrats away. "Great kid that one."
"If only my own had been so great," Maim bit.
"How can a child be expected to become great when their mother was far from it?" Monkey Fist retaliated. Jack grimaced, not at all looking forward to this.
KP
The three of them sat in the office, Monkey Fist crossing his arms and looking annoyed while slouching down. Nanny Maim sat with perfect posture. "I don't see why we have to be here at all," Monkey Fist complained to Hench.
"Don't slouch, Montgomery. Sit up straight," Maim ordered.
"I will do what I please, thank you very much Mother," he replied testily.
"Humph. I would hardly recommend any such a course. Every decision you make tends to end in you failing at something or other," Main bit.
"I'll have you know most of my endeavors have been most successful!" Monkey Fist retorted.
"Name a single one," Maim challenged.
"Oh I am not gracing that with an answer!" he barked.
"Because you have no answer to give," Maim snapped.
Jack Hench watched the exchange in disbelief then frowned in annoyance. "Enough!" he said. They stopped, looking quickly at him as if just remembering he was there. "Now, it's apparent that you two have an extremely strained relationship..."
"We do not! We simply don't get along," Monkey Fist cut off.
"I try, Mr. Hench. I really do, but he is as stubborn as a mule," Maim said.
"Now mother, don't call yourself down," Monkey Fist snipped. Jack Hench grimaced, face-palming.
Maim gasped in horror. "Montgomery!" she exclaimed in appalled anger. Disappointedly she shook her head. "Where on earth did you learn such utter disrespect? Certainly not from me or your father, rest his soul."
"Do not drag father into this!" Monkey Fist replied. "You were never there. He was. You never gave a damn about my emotional well-being. He did! You only deluded yourself into thinking you did right by me and cared, but you didn't! The only ones you ever gave a damn about were the little whelps you looked after out of the home, and the nannies you trained up to do the same after you!"
"Oh Monty, what have you become?" Maim asked in an exaggerated tone.
"Exactly what I was destined to be! Master of the art of Tai Shing Pek Kwar and soon-to-be Mystical Monkey Ruler!" he retorted.
"And yet Ronald Stoppable beats you on a regular basis," she belittled.
"That buffoon is more powerful than he knows!" Monkey Fist shot in defense.
"Apparently more than you know as well," she declared.
"Mother!" he yelled.
"All right, that's enough!" Jack shouted, shooting to his feet and slamming his hands on the desk. He was feeling a migraine coming from a mile away. He dealt with this sort of thing enough as was. They jumped in surprise, looking at him with wide and shocked eyes. "I'm the one in control of this session right now, so listen up!" They grimaced at one another but nonetheless settled down, crossing their arms in annoyance and looking away from one another. Jack Hench sat back down. "Now, what I'm getting from this is that you, Lord Fiske, feel you were never able to bond with your mother. That she never loved you or valued your feelings."
"There's no 'feeling' about it. It's strictly fact," he huffily replied.
"Do not act like you could read my mind, Monty!" Maim yelled.
"Nanny Maim, what I believe you're trying to express is that you truly did, and still do, love your son. You realize you may not have always been there and were particularly strict, but you don't care to admit to those mistakes. You'd rather leave the past in the past and move forward," Jack diagnosed, determined to get back to his gathering which these two had almost ruined within the first three minutes of being in one another's presence. There would have been a blood bath between them if he hadn't hauled mother and son back here to dish it out.
"They were not mistakes!" Maim shot defensively.
Ignoring her, Hench continued, "You both feel the bond you once had with each other is gone for good and you'll never get it back. When you try, Lady Fiske, your son doesn't make it easy. When he tries to explain himself, you never listen."
"There was never a bond!" Monkey Fist insisted.
"It's hardly my fault Montgomery has so many deep-rooted issues he cannot address," Maim added.
"Deep-rooted issues?! Why it's no wonder with a mother like you! You aren't exactly all there either!" he yelled.
"Gods, I'm looking into some twisted mirror to the future," Jack groaned, rubbing his face with both hands.
"What are you talking about?" Monkey Fist asked.
Jack Hench put his hands down, drawing a deep breath. "Lord Fiske, Lady Maim, I could tell you what to do outright, I could express to you which of you is in the wrong in each area of contention, but I feel as if neither of those options would help you. Only draw out further denials. Clearly, no one is inclined to change their minds or admit fault, so no amount of help I personally can offer is going to fix this. Honestly, I doubt a psychiatrist could save you at this point, but I'm not one to give up, so here's what I'm thinking. I'm going to suggest a little experiment for you two."
"An experiment?" Nanny Maim asked curiously.
"Go on," Monkey Fist warily said.
"I suggest a 'bonding' experience," he said.
"Mr. Hench, any psychiatrist worth their salt would suggest the same, and I can't be bothered with such frivolous nonsense. I don't do camping trips and other such frolicsome things. Unless they take place in the heart of a jungle in the middle of an expedition, they're a waste of my time," Monkey Fist said.
"Goodness, what will you suggest next? A fishing trip?" Maim bit at the businessman.
"I was thinking a trip a little more substantial," Jack replied, smirking.
"She's not coming with me on my travels. Do you have any idea how much the old coot would slow me down?" Monkey Fist demanded.
"You know, the Tower of London has a big event coming up. A showing of the crown jewels, amongst other royal treasures. Royal international treasures," Jack said.
"I've seen the Tower of London upwards of a dozen times already! A loud, noisy, tourist trap is what it is, and the crown jewels are overrated," Monkey Fist said. "The only thing worth doing there involving them would be stealing the miserable things." He started, eyes widening. "Stealing them," he realized. He looked at Jack in disbelief, who was smirking knowingly.
"Excuse me? Steal the crown jewels? Gracious me," Nanny Maim said.
"You know what? You're right Lord Fiske. The Tower of London and the Crown Jewels are overrated. I guess you two will have to come up with something else then. In the meantime, I'm getting back to my guests. You two crazy folks have fun," Jack said, rising and leaving with a wave and a sly smirk. He shut the door behind him as he went.
Monkey Fist and Nanny Maim sat quietly, the idea milling about in their brains. "You know, a proper ransom would help pad out the family fortune again," Monkey Fist remarked.
"Which you spent on your nonsense," Maim bit, frowning at him. "Still, it does sound like quite the little challenge."
"A simple robbery. Interesting," Monkey Fist mused. A waste of my time better-spent relic hunting, but perhaps a bit of a break from the norm is precisely what I need to re-energize, so to speak."
"I for one think the notion is ridiculous. The challenge, on the other hand... That I can get behind," she said. "Why, with the money from the ransom, I could refurbish the entire academy."
"Then are we doing this or not?" Monkey Fist asked.
"Why not? Doctor's orders, after all," Maim replied.
"Excellent," Monkey Fist said, grinning.
England
"Do you have everything you need," Nanny Maim asked Monkey Fist before they left Fiske Castle.
"All I need are these," Monkey Fist replied, revealing his hands and feet. "And these," he added, snapping his fingers and summoning four of his most trusted ninjas to him. A fifth as well, George, who still needed a little more field experience.
"Absolutely not. This simply will not do, Monty. Get packed this very instant," Maim ordered.
"Of for the love of… You're treating this like a vacation! We're going to rob the blasted Tower of London, mother, not sit in some resort in Milan or a camp in the wilds of the Savannah!" Monkey Fist argued.
"First Aid in case of injury, grappling hooks for guaranteed escape, food and water for if we must hide away, blankets for if while hiding away we need to keep warm... Honestly, son, these are things I would have thought you of all people would be on top of," Nanny Maim said.
"Mother, you're being paranoid. I have subsisted for months, sometimes even a year, in the jungles of South America and Japan surviving on nothing but my abilities!" Monkey Fist protested.
"By some miracle I still cannot fathom," Maim replied.
"Mother!" Monkey Fist yelled.
"At least take a sweater so you won't catch cold," she said, thrusting one at him.
"Mum!" he shouted, but she would hear none of it.
"Montgomery," she warned dangerously. Monkey Fist blinked at her then grumbled, reluctantly getting into the sweater and storming passed her. She shook her head hopelessly after him. "Honestly, you could die from such a child," she said, following his lead.
"Oh that would be such a relief," Monkey Fist replied. That earned him a hard rap on the head. He hissed in pain, covering it.
"If only you'd grown to be half the man your father was," Maim bitterly bit at him, walking passed. He winced and shrunk in on himself a bit before following her like a kicked puppy. Alright, that one had actually hurt a bit. Maybe a lot. Certainly it had hurt more than he thought it should have, so he tried his best to ignore it and not take it to heart. As usual.
KP
Mother and son looked up at the Tower of London playing the part of tourists. It wasn't an easy task to explain away the monkeys following them and clambering onto their master whenever they got tired, but they'd managed thus far. Right now George was comfortably perched on Monkey Fist's shoulder, Chippy was holding Monkey Fist's hand, ooking like a child. Bobo was holding the other hand, and the last two Monkeys were begging Nanny Maim for bananas. She of course obliged them.
"As if cat ladies weren't enough, now these people must deal with monkey men," Maim bit.
"Is every word you speak to me going to be a putdown?" Monkey Fist demanded, still sore about her comparing him to his late father.
"Not at all my dear. You look relatively normal today. For the first time since our meeting on the Samurai. It's much more attractive than your usual appearance as of late, you know. Quite a few women are certainly taking notice," Nanny Maim hinted.
"Oh for goodness sake, are you really going to turn this into a matchmaking expedition?" Monkey Fist demanded. "At which point did you figure out that the Japanese brat wasn't my wife anyway?" She'd known for some time at this point, but he still didn't know exactly when she'd pieced it all together.
"As soon as you answered with 'in a way' when I asked if she and that infant were your wife and child," Maim replied. "Really Montgomery, you must find yourself a bride. I should like to have actual grandchildren whose lives I can be involved in before I die."
"So you could ruin them too?" Monkey Fist demanded. That earned him another sharp rap. He yelped in pain. "Mother!" he shot angrily.
"Not even a proper son or daughter to your name for the sake of your poor father," Maim chastised.
"It seemed to me you were much more interested in Senor Senior Senior's line carrying on than father's," Monkey Fist bit. He covered his head quickly when he saw her go for the pointer again. The monkey ninjas shrieked at the woman in protest and she paused, harrumphing and lowering the 'weapon'. Monkey Fist sighed in relief, daring to remove his hands from his head.
"Senor Senior's bloodline is sealed. Yours, however, is another matter," she replied.
"I have no interest in such petty, romantic drabble," Monkey Fist argued, barely sparing a glance at a woman who had flirtatiously blown him a kiss. Really now, was there no propriety left in this world? Not far off there was a group of young girls checking him out quite brazenly as well. Really now, he wasn't that great of a catch.
"If not for yourself, then for your father," Maim replied.
"Mother, I don't want a lover," Monkey Fist stated in annoyance.
"Not since her," Maim solemnly replied.
Monkey Fist froze and sharply glared at her. She met his eyes challengingly. "Do not bring up that time in my life ever again," he warned in a growl.
"She certainly wanted you," Maim said.
"So does DNAmy," Monkey Fist argued.
"Don't tell me you felt nothing for the woman. I know otherwise. Even if it was only a little as you claim, you still felt something," Nanny Maim said.
"Well that hardly matters anymore now, does it? She's gone," he bitterly answered. For a moment he could have sworn he heard her laughter on the wind... No, none of this superstitious nonsense. His lovers passed weren't roaming the mortal plain seeking revenge. Besides, none of their deaths had been his fault, least of all hers. They hadn't!
Gods he hoped desperately that was true...