Disclaimer- Crap, I wish I did, but I don't own Gundam Wing.curses. Oh
yeah, just in case I put a line of a Linkin Park's lyric's I don't own
them.I might not put any but ya know just in case.
A/N: Hooray for Linkin Park! Yes! I was just inspired to write a new chapter!!!! YAY!!! Sha baby I'm back on a roll! My flame has just been relit. Yep, and because I gave you a very short chapter last time I'm gonna make this one really long! Sha baby! Enjoy!!
Odin. Damn him, Heero thought. He was the man who taught him how to be this emotionless drone that he is today. But it wasn't all that bad. He was like a father to him. But, Heero felt that it was hard to forgive him for turning him into the man he was today.
"Damn him. Damn him to hell!!!" Heero screamed aloud.
But inside Heero knew that he loved Odin like a father. He was the only family besides Wing Zero that he ever knew of. Yet he couldn't help but wonder, who was his real family? He knew Heero Yuy was the name Odin gave him. And he was grateful. But, now knowing that he did have a family awoke a longing inside him. What was his real name? And who was he? Really?
He went to the restroom and stared at the mirror. He thought back, back to the mission that clamed Odin's life.
Heero was staring into space. He saw his reflection.
"."
"Whatcha looking at.?" Odin asked walking up to him.
Heero didn't answer.
"The void of space.which took everything away from you? Or.your own image a face without a name.?"
That's what Heero felt like now. A face without a name. Odin's words cut deeply into his heart. It was weird but Odin always knew how Heero really felt. Heero stared into his cold blue eyes. He was hoping to find something. Nothing in particular, just something. Something to let him know that he wasn't alone. But he found nothing of such sort. Just this man, no, this machine that stared back at him with cold, lifeless eyes. Heero sighed and splashed some water on his face.
He avoided his bed. He didn't want to be plunged into his dark past through his dreams. He sat in his living room changing positions every five minutes.
"Crap." He said aloud.
He finally just laid down on the couch. He didn't notice how sleepy he was. He drifted off. He dreamt about the last mission he and Odin had together.
Heero turned around and looked at Odin asking him, "Why.did you come to this colony?"
Odin started to walk away saying, "To abandon you."
Heero and Odin went to the waiting room in the airport. (which was deserted) Odin started to take out his violin from his suitcase.
"Soon, there'll be a coup d'etat here. You'll take advantage of the confusion to settle down at this colony. You know how. I've taught you everything you need to survive." Odin said.
Heero took out his gun and pointed it at Odin.
"And." Heero said cocking his gun, "Who are you going to kill this time?"
Odin took out his gun under the violin and replied, "Septem, of the alliance space force. This'll be my last job. So you should go to school and live a normal life."
Heero glared, "I'll decide what I'm going to do."
Odin smirked at Heero's remark.
Heero awoke surprised that he remembered everything of that day so vividly. He hadn't thought of that day in so long. Odin, he thought. Why did you have to go and get yourself killed? I need to know. Who am I? He started to feel empty. He started to feel like he did before he ever met any of the other gundam pilots. He felt cold and alone.
He remembered something that someone long ago told him, "Your not a person or a machine. You're just a body with no soul. Just a thing that walks around imposing as a human being. You'll never be anything but, a soulless shell."
Heero grimaced at the remark he remembered. But it was true. Heero was cold, and killed on command. No regrets. No emotions about if the person had a family to feed. Or even that person was just born. He was a killer. Just like the soldiers he hated so much. Those cold hearted bastards. He had become one of them. But he was worse. Much worse. Unlike them, he didn't have a conscious. If he did he never listened to it. Either that or he'd drown it out with the screams of his victims.
Ever since he learned how to shoot a gun, he has cherished it. The power he felt. The revenge he felt he could achieve. But when Odin taught him, he became the thing he hated the most. He took what he hated and made it a part of him. Creating this monster that he hated to acknowledge as himself. He hated the way he killed with out a worry or even with a second thought. He hated the soldiers so much because they killed his family.and yet he made himself the Perfect Soldier. The best soldier ever. He hated how he allowed himself to become this monster. This thing that had no soul.
'Why?' He asked himself countless times. 'Why was it that I aloud myself to become this thing. This Soldier that I wish I could destroy? Why did I continue to wake up every day? Why? I have no reason to live. I have no family, no love, no one to love me. I just have myself.'
His thoughts started to become vivid images. Images of all the faces and lives he smeared with blood. Even his own life he has smeared. He could have a life with Relena.No. He was a monster, he would only hurt her. He tried to learn to love but he just didn't know how. It was all alien to him. An unknown feeling that made him want to die.
He'd often catch himself think thoughts of having a life with Relena. A happy life. With love and no killing. But Relena's a pacifist. She lived for peace while Heero.was the complete opposite. He had an urge in him to kill. To start a war. To have blood shed near him if was not the cause of it. He didn't know when this urge in him was born but he knew it was around the time that he first met Odin. When he first learned the meaning of revenge.
Revenge. That's what he really wanted. Or so he thought. Was it just revenge? Or was it really an urge to cause such pain? Did he really want everyone to know how it's like to have blood smearing their lives? Or has not yet dealt with his inner demons?
Yes, it is those things that fill his dreams with nightmares. Oh yes, those laughing, snickering, conniving things that make him feel hopeless. He still runs from his inner demons. He hates to face them.
"You coward!" He would yell to himself.
I was true too. He was a coward. He was too afraid to face them. To rid himself of these things that torture him so. He often thought of ending it all. Just making his heart stop. To end this endless pain of loneliness. He reaches for the knife from time to time but can never do it. He stops. Hoping someone would run in and hold him in their arms.
Cooing into his ears, "Everything's going to be alright."
But his salvation never comes. He just sits on the floor looking at the knife, then to his wrists.
"Should I?",He would ask himself.
'Is it the right thing to do?' he would wonder.
'Would the world be a better place? The people would not have to fear of their blood, and the blood of their children in my hands?'
A/N:I think I'm gonna erase this chapter if no one likes it and redo it. Yeah. Thats what I'm gonna do! But,...I have a feeling I'm gonna get alot of flames about this stupid chapter. Oh yeah, I feel the heat already. I see it now, 'Its too depressing!!' I know it. I already got a little burn from GreenShadow saying it did'nt seem like the Heero we all know and love. So sad. I dunno what do you think? I know what your gonna say," It sucks! Booo!' If GreenShadow dose'nt like it then...oh bleh. -thelilchibi Raye
A/N: Hooray for Linkin Park! Yes! I was just inspired to write a new chapter!!!! YAY!!! Sha baby I'm back on a roll! My flame has just been relit. Yep, and because I gave you a very short chapter last time I'm gonna make this one really long! Sha baby! Enjoy!!
Odin. Damn him, Heero thought. He was the man who taught him how to be this emotionless drone that he is today. But it wasn't all that bad. He was like a father to him. But, Heero felt that it was hard to forgive him for turning him into the man he was today.
"Damn him. Damn him to hell!!!" Heero screamed aloud.
But inside Heero knew that he loved Odin like a father. He was the only family besides Wing Zero that he ever knew of. Yet he couldn't help but wonder, who was his real family? He knew Heero Yuy was the name Odin gave him. And he was grateful. But, now knowing that he did have a family awoke a longing inside him. What was his real name? And who was he? Really?
He went to the restroom and stared at the mirror. He thought back, back to the mission that clamed Odin's life.
Heero was staring into space. He saw his reflection.
"."
"Whatcha looking at.?" Odin asked walking up to him.
Heero didn't answer.
"The void of space.which took everything away from you? Or.your own image a face without a name.?"
That's what Heero felt like now. A face without a name. Odin's words cut deeply into his heart. It was weird but Odin always knew how Heero really felt. Heero stared into his cold blue eyes. He was hoping to find something. Nothing in particular, just something. Something to let him know that he wasn't alone. But he found nothing of such sort. Just this man, no, this machine that stared back at him with cold, lifeless eyes. Heero sighed and splashed some water on his face.
He avoided his bed. He didn't want to be plunged into his dark past through his dreams. He sat in his living room changing positions every five minutes.
"Crap." He said aloud.
He finally just laid down on the couch. He didn't notice how sleepy he was. He drifted off. He dreamt about the last mission he and Odin had together.
Heero turned around and looked at Odin asking him, "Why.did you come to this colony?"
Odin started to walk away saying, "To abandon you."
Heero and Odin went to the waiting room in the airport. (which was deserted) Odin started to take out his violin from his suitcase.
"Soon, there'll be a coup d'etat here. You'll take advantage of the confusion to settle down at this colony. You know how. I've taught you everything you need to survive." Odin said.
Heero took out his gun and pointed it at Odin.
"And." Heero said cocking his gun, "Who are you going to kill this time?"
Odin took out his gun under the violin and replied, "Septem, of the alliance space force. This'll be my last job. So you should go to school and live a normal life."
Heero glared, "I'll decide what I'm going to do."
Odin smirked at Heero's remark.
Heero awoke surprised that he remembered everything of that day so vividly. He hadn't thought of that day in so long. Odin, he thought. Why did you have to go and get yourself killed? I need to know. Who am I? He started to feel empty. He started to feel like he did before he ever met any of the other gundam pilots. He felt cold and alone.
He remembered something that someone long ago told him, "Your not a person or a machine. You're just a body with no soul. Just a thing that walks around imposing as a human being. You'll never be anything but, a soulless shell."
Heero grimaced at the remark he remembered. But it was true. Heero was cold, and killed on command. No regrets. No emotions about if the person had a family to feed. Or even that person was just born. He was a killer. Just like the soldiers he hated so much. Those cold hearted bastards. He had become one of them. But he was worse. Much worse. Unlike them, he didn't have a conscious. If he did he never listened to it. Either that or he'd drown it out with the screams of his victims.
Ever since he learned how to shoot a gun, he has cherished it. The power he felt. The revenge he felt he could achieve. But when Odin taught him, he became the thing he hated the most. He took what he hated and made it a part of him. Creating this monster that he hated to acknowledge as himself. He hated the way he killed with out a worry or even with a second thought. He hated the soldiers so much because they killed his family.and yet he made himself the Perfect Soldier. The best soldier ever. He hated how he allowed himself to become this monster. This thing that had no soul.
'Why?' He asked himself countless times. 'Why was it that I aloud myself to become this thing. This Soldier that I wish I could destroy? Why did I continue to wake up every day? Why? I have no reason to live. I have no family, no love, no one to love me. I just have myself.'
His thoughts started to become vivid images. Images of all the faces and lives he smeared with blood. Even his own life he has smeared. He could have a life with Relena.No. He was a monster, he would only hurt her. He tried to learn to love but he just didn't know how. It was all alien to him. An unknown feeling that made him want to die.
He'd often catch himself think thoughts of having a life with Relena. A happy life. With love and no killing. But Relena's a pacifist. She lived for peace while Heero.was the complete opposite. He had an urge in him to kill. To start a war. To have blood shed near him if was not the cause of it. He didn't know when this urge in him was born but he knew it was around the time that he first met Odin. When he first learned the meaning of revenge.
Revenge. That's what he really wanted. Or so he thought. Was it just revenge? Or was it really an urge to cause such pain? Did he really want everyone to know how it's like to have blood smearing their lives? Or has not yet dealt with his inner demons?
Yes, it is those things that fill his dreams with nightmares. Oh yes, those laughing, snickering, conniving things that make him feel hopeless. He still runs from his inner demons. He hates to face them.
"You coward!" He would yell to himself.
I was true too. He was a coward. He was too afraid to face them. To rid himself of these things that torture him so. He often thought of ending it all. Just making his heart stop. To end this endless pain of loneliness. He reaches for the knife from time to time but can never do it. He stops. Hoping someone would run in and hold him in their arms.
Cooing into his ears, "Everything's going to be alright."
But his salvation never comes. He just sits on the floor looking at the knife, then to his wrists.
"Should I?",He would ask himself.
'Is it the right thing to do?' he would wonder.
'Would the world be a better place? The people would not have to fear of their blood, and the blood of their children in my hands?'
A/N:I think I'm gonna erase this chapter if no one likes it and redo it. Yeah. Thats what I'm gonna do! But,...I have a feeling I'm gonna get alot of flames about this stupid chapter. Oh yeah, I feel the heat already. I see it now, 'Its too depressing!!' I know it. I already got a little burn from GreenShadow saying it did'nt seem like the Heero we all know and love. So sad. I dunno what do you think? I know what your gonna say," It sucks! Booo!' If GreenShadow dose'nt like it then...oh bleh. -thelilchibi Raye