Disclaimer: We still don't own it, you'd think after two chapters and now
starting on the third that we'd finally own even 0.2% of it but
noooooooooooo, still 0%, nada, nothing, we will never own Lord of the Rings
or Pepsi max, well at least until we take over the world.
Author's note: Mascara Freak- haha, this chapter will probably go wrong cos Miss Rumplestiltskin decided to finish chapter two how it was ended and now I have to carry it on, I have an idea but my idea of funny is completely different from everyone else's idea of funny. Reviews would help ya no!!! Now she has also left it up to me to finish this chapter on my own! She will be working on the next chapter though. Rumplestiltskin-
Thank you to reviewers from chapters one and two
Chapter one review thanks:
moon-dragon2: Thank you!!! We're glad you like it(, we may have to use that rhyme thing if you're let us, please, and we can share Orlando.
weirdyK-Mamie rocks: Glad you like it (.
Chapter two review thanks:
Elven Kitten: Thanks for reviewing both chapters, it's meant to be weird. But now because of you the bottle of Pepsi max is now bullet and arrow proof. All praise the Pepsi!!!! Update your stories soon (
HonestlyRachael: We are updating, look at us update. Thank for reviewing, my, me mascara freak, yes mascara freak, my other story the morning after has had a new chapter added, if you review I'll keep checkin out your cool story! (
Now on with the story!!!
Chapter 3: Dwarves are idiots
Elrond stopped stamping his feet to listen to the dwarf's tale. The whole area grew quiet as the dwarf cleared his throat. "Hobbits have been around long before any other creatures of this world." Elrond interrupted him.
"That's not true we all no that elves were around long before hobbits and dwarves"
"Can I finish?" the dwarf asked annoyed. "Anyway, elves are actually a dumber kind of a hobbit who rely on their looks to get them anywhere in this world." He paused, "I'm done here" he said.
Elrond was pissed off, we acted on instinct and kicked the dwarf (really hard) all the way from where they were to Bree, where he fell through the roof of the Prancing Pony and landed on a stool by the bar. (We can do that, we're the authors). The dwarf looked around, puzzled. "Your order?" a voice asked.
"Two malt beers and a packet of nuts" he replied. We will just say that this rather dumb dwarf married a waitress and they had many fat, hairy children and lived happily ever after, just to get this guy out of the story.
BACK TO ELROND
The other men, dwarves and elves had run back to Elrond and were waiting for his demand. "We will not be able to take a hostage, they will expect that. We have three choices left, bribery or blackmail.
"But that's only two" Legolas pointed out.
"Shut up" said Elrond "We need an idea" He kicked Gandalf to wake him up.
"Huh" Gandalf looked around blearily.
"Gandalf you have known Hobbits for many an age, we must know their weakness"
"Well," Gandalf began, "These four in particular are rather fond of food, like many other hobbits, but these four seem to never be able to get a gal, though I caught that Sam stealing Frodo's toenail clipping once, he doesn't seem that interested in girls".
"That's it" Elrond cried.
"What genius plan have you thought of now?" asked Aragorn sarcastically.
"Yea, cos the whole tying the hobbit to a stake didn't exactly work out" Legolas pointed out.
"This one will work for sure, in exchange for the bottle we shall give them a fully prepared 8 course meal including mushroom soup and mushroom omelettes, served by the finest females the races of men and elves can give" Elrond explained triumphantly.
"What about the finest females dwarves have to give?" Asked an annoyed Gimli.
"Don't be silly Gimli, we don't want to put them off their meal do we" Elrond said trying not to laugh.
"But how do we get the females?" Legolas asked.
"Well you and Aragorn seem to attract a large amount of fan girls, just look hunky and tell them what the cause is for. Now go round them up" Elrond told them
Legolas and Aragorn shrugged, they couldn't deny it. They walked off to begin their search.
"What will the rest of us be doing?" Boromir asked, unhappy about not being the one with the large amount of fan girls.
"The rest of the men, elves and dwarves must get the meal ready, I've drawn up a list of what I want" Elrond said pulling out a long role of parchment. He handed it to Boromir. He then turned to Gandalf.
"You and me will go and inform the hobbits of our offer" He informed Gandalf.
"Can we have a sing-a-long as we go?" The wizard asked.
Elrond thought this over. "Yes, yes we can".
So they skipped off singing a song in Elvish which went along the lines of the good old days when pipe weed was free and Elvish wives did not run off with the plumber from Mordor.
A short chapter we know, but our ideas are running low and we could really use some help HINT HINT, we'll try to make the next one longer, funnier and actually worth reading if people REVIEWED PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!!!
Author's note: Mascara Freak- haha, this chapter will probably go wrong cos Miss Rumplestiltskin decided to finish chapter two how it was ended and now I have to carry it on, I have an idea but my idea of funny is completely different from everyone else's idea of funny. Reviews would help ya no!!! Now she has also left it up to me to finish this chapter on my own! She will be working on the next chapter though. Rumplestiltskin-
Thank you to reviewers from chapters one and two
Chapter one review thanks:
moon-dragon2: Thank you!!! We're glad you like it(, we may have to use that rhyme thing if you're let us, please, and we can share Orlando.
weirdyK-Mamie rocks: Glad you like it (.
Chapter two review thanks:
Elven Kitten: Thanks for reviewing both chapters, it's meant to be weird. But now because of you the bottle of Pepsi max is now bullet and arrow proof. All praise the Pepsi!!!! Update your stories soon (
HonestlyRachael: We are updating, look at us update. Thank for reviewing, my, me mascara freak, yes mascara freak, my other story the morning after has had a new chapter added, if you review I'll keep checkin out your cool story! (
Now on with the story!!!
Chapter 3: Dwarves are idiots
Elrond stopped stamping his feet to listen to the dwarf's tale. The whole area grew quiet as the dwarf cleared his throat. "Hobbits have been around long before any other creatures of this world." Elrond interrupted him.
"That's not true we all no that elves were around long before hobbits and dwarves"
"Can I finish?" the dwarf asked annoyed. "Anyway, elves are actually a dumber kind of a hobbit who rely on their looks to get them anywhere in this world." He paused, "I'm done here" he said.
Elrond was pissed off, we acted on instinct and kicked the dwarf (really hard) all the way from where they were to Bree, where he fell through the roof of the Prancing Pony and landed on a stool by the bar. (We can do that, we're the authors). The dwarf looked around, puzzled. "Your order?" a voice asked.
"Two malt beers and a packet of nuts" he replied. We will just say that this rather dumb dwarf married a waitress and they had many fat, hairy children and lived happily ever after, just to get this guy out of the story.
BACK TO ELROND
The other men, dwarves and elves had run back to Elrond and were waiting for his demand. "We will not be able to take a hostage, they will expect that. We have three choices left, bribery or blackmail.
"But that's only two" Legolas pointed out.
"Shut up" said Elrond "We need an idea" He kicked Gandalf to wake him up.
"Huh" Gandalf looked around blearily.
"Gandalf you have known Hobbits for many an age, we must know their weakness"
"Well," Gandalf began, "These four in particular are rather fond of food, like many other hobbits, but these four seem to never be able to get a gal, though I caught that Sam stealing Frodo's toenail clipping once, he doesn't seem that interested in girls".
"That's it" Elrond cried.
"What genius plan have you thought of now?" asked Aragorn sarcastically.
"Yea, cos the whole tying the hobbit to a stake didn't exactly work out" Legolas pointed out.
"This one will work for sure, in exchange for the bottle we shall give them a fully prepared 8 course meal including mushroom soup and mushroom omelettes, served by the finest females the races of men and elves can give" Elrond explained triumphantly.
"What about the finest females dwarves have to give?" Asked an annoyed Gimli.
"Don't be silly Gimli, we don't want to put them off their meal do we" Elrond said trying not to laugh.
"But how do we get the females?" Legolas asked.
"Well you and Aragorn seem to attract a large amount of fan girls, just look hunky and tell them what the cause is for. Now go round them up" Elrond told them
Legolas and Aragorn shrugged, they couldn't deny it. They walked off to begin their search.
"What will the rest of us be doing?" Boromir asked, unhappy about not being the one with the large amount of fan girls.
"The rest of the men, elves and dwarves must get the meal ready, I've drawn up a list of what I want" Elrond said pulling out a long role of parchment. He handed it to Boromir. He then turned to Gandalf.
"You and me will go and inform the hobbits of our offer" He informed Gandalf.
"Can we have a sing-a-long as we go?" The wizard asked.
Elrond thought this over. "Yes, yes we can".
So they skipped off singing a song in Elvish which went along the lines of the good old days when pipe weed was free and Elvish wives did not run off with the plumber from Mordor.
A short chapter we know, but our ideas are running low and we could really use some help HINT HINT, we'll try to make the next one longer, funnier and actually worth reading if people REVIEWED PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE!!!!!!!