Loud House Fanfic: Reversal of Fortune: Chapter 1: The Last Straw

Opening A/N (edited July 20, 2022): Yeah, yeah, NSL's been done to death. But it usually follows the same formulas:

1. The sisters suddenly have a "Come to Jesus" moment where they realize they're wrong, & St. Lincoln automatically forgives them because he's "just that good."

2. The sisters have the same "Come to Jesus" moment, & Lincoln makes them "earn" his forgiveness, which usually comes after a day & some gifts that mesh with his personality.

3. Something bad happens to Lincoln, the family gets arrested & shunned, but eventually everybody lets it go & they get the "Family Guy 7-day murder sentence: They'll be out next Sunday at 9."

4. St. Lincoln & his companion, St. Luna the High Priest of Kindness, are the only ones to see through the insanity & thanks to their "Special Sibling Bond," end up bringing the rest of their family to their senses, & everybody lives happily ever after.

This is NOT one of those fics. Quite frankly, I feel most NSL fics forgive the sisters too quickly & move on like nothing ever happened. Being thrown out by your own family over "bad luck," and then forced to wear an unsanitary, hot "squirrel suit" all day for Savino knows how long would have a lasting impact on ANYONE's psyche, let alone all the other stuff the Loud family has done to him. And with Lincoln being a boy on the cusp of puberty… if this happened in the real world, all hell would break loose in the following year or two for the Louds. What happens in this fic may seem crazy, but I titled it 'Reversal of Fortune' for a reason. I want to give Lincoln the ultimate closure & catharsis for NSL.

This is not a late 2010's NSL fic. You have been warned.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 2; 2:00 PM
HURON BEACH, MICHIGAN; 65 MILES NORTH OF ROYAL WOODS

As Lincoln waddled around the hot Michigan beach in an even hotter squirrel suit, he begged his family to get out.

"Can I at least have a minute outside of this suit to get a breath of fresh air? This thing is hot & I'm really sweating!"

All of the Louds immediately yelled, "NO!" and proceeded to give bizzare and horrible reasons why Lincoln had to stay in the suit.

Lynn Sr. cried, "Vanzilla might break down!"

Rita cried, "I might get struck by lightning!"

Lori cried, "We might literally get rained on!"

Leni cried, "My sandcastle might get knocked down!"

Luna cried, "I might get sand in my ears!"

Luan tried to joke, "You can't 'squirrel' your way out of this now!"

Lynn Jr. yelled, "Shut up, Jinx-oln!"

Lucy blankly said, "I might get a sunburn."

Lana worried, "I won't find any seashells!"

Lola panicked, "This flawless complexion, ruined!"

Lisa cried, "My scientific studies would be ruined!"

Lily cried, "Poo-poo!"

Listening to his family's excuses, Lincoln's frustration and exasperation immediately turned to rage. As he fumed inside the suit, wondering what his next move would be, everything he had been through with his family came back to him in a split second. The Sister Fight Protocol. The "Sweet Spot" incident. The money incident. The Princess Pony toilet-clogging incident, which, by the way, the sisters still taunted him for every now and then. "La la la la la, Lincoln's Princess Pony!" the chants echoed. The girls eating his chocolate, then laughing at him for being a failed Girl Guru. The earbuds incident. The April Fools' Day pranks. Running Clyde's parents ragged. The limo incident. The video incident. The underwear bet. The pool incidents. The tie incident. The failed photoshoot. "Take Your Daughter to Work Day," which even he didn't believe at the time because he saw social media posts of a few of Lynn Sr.'s coworkers' sons at his workplace. The camping trip. When Lisa tried to join his grade, only to turn him into an outcast both in school and at home. The tracking chip Lisa put inside of Lincoln's brain. The elaborate surveillance system Lisa had set up with the help of Luan. His sisters running all over him when he tried to take charge of the house, and Lori's smug grin when he failed. Oh god, Lori's smug grin. All the school projects destroyed, all the homework notes received, all the late slips because of his family's antics. And the laughter. The constant, mocking laughter that was a daily assault on his ears. And as if all that wasn't enough, there was this whole thing where Lincoln had been locked out of his house just because he lied to his family about being "bad luck" to get out of their events. When he fessed up to the lie, his family believed him... but added the caveat that he was only good luck when he wore the squirrel suit. He was still bad luck otherwise, to them. And after everything he had done for them during his life, that pissed him off.

If possible, he would rip off the suit and strangle every last member of his so-called "family," along with most of his school, to death. When he thought about doing it, he quickly realized something: against the combined might of 10 sisters & 2 parents clearly on their side, he wouldn't stand a chance with either direct confrontation or subtly letting them know how much he hated the situation. And while he hated playing along, seeing as it got him to this point, he knew he had to keep doing so to avoid suspicion. So, with the calmest and happiest voice he could muster, he made the only move he felt he could. He desperately asked his family for the only right of his that he thought they still respected.

"I have to use the bathroom."

His sisters immediately erupted in protest, and his parents initially cast disapproving glances at him.

But when Lincoln desperately danced around holding his privates in front of his parents to show how full his bladder was, Lynn Sr. huffed and finally gave in: "Fine, but only 5 minutes, got that?"

Lincoln annoyedly sighed, "Yes sir."

Lynn Sr. sternly responded, "Good."

His sisters immediately tried to resume yelling at their parents in protest as a cacophony of voices.

But Lynn Sr. interrupted them at once by yelling, "ENOUGH! Even if he's good luck in the squirrel suit, we can't let him pee in it! That'd be unsanitary & gross!"

As the sisters started whining again, Rita shushed them by yelling, "If you've got a problem with it, YOU can clean his suit up."

That immediately shut the sisters up, as they all looked at each other, eyes transmitting the same message, before simultaneously yelling, "Dibs, not it!", further exasperating their parents.

Meanwhile, on his long trek to the bathroom, which was fortunately at the beach's entrance/exit, Lincoln briefly reflected once more on his relationships with his family and the people around him. After remembering everything the people in his life had put him through, Lincoln realized: it was all his sisters' fault. It was all his sisters' fault. And they were going to pay.

With newfound determination, as soon as he entered the bathroom, he tore the suit off, threw it in the garbage, and sprinted away from the beach as fast as possible. His adrenaline prevented him from pulling a charley horse for about 500 yards. Every time he wanted to stop, he remembered all the times his sisters and parents mistreated him, and that kept him going. He initially planned to go to the Sunset Canyon Retirement Home. With Clyde out of town for the weekend, maybe Pop-Pop would knock some sense into his treasonous genetic relatives. At that time, however, his cramp caused him to absentmindedly curve ever so slightly onto the road leading to the beach. He couldn't even get out of the way of the oncoming car.

(Scene Change: Michigan Highway 25, about a mile south of Huron Beach)

The Sweetwaters were your average upper middle class family going on your average upper middle class late summer beach vacation. Nestled comfortably in their leather-clad white van, they were getting ready to have some last-minute "fun in the sun" before autumn made it impossible to wear a bikini without freezing over. As the kids here would often say, it could get "so cold in the D." How the fuck were they supposed to keep peace?

For what it was worth, they were doing a pretty good job of it. In the front seats, there were the two parents, Brian and Linda. Linda, a red-haired former Miss Teen Royal Woods and rock video vixen, was now the editor-in-chief of the Royal Woods Gazette, always on top of the latest news & gossip in the town. In college, she met and fell in love with Brian, a strawberry blonde-haired comic book nerd and one-time benchwarmer shooting guard for the "Fab 5" Michigan Wolverines. After the "Fab 5" got drafted, Brian saw his playing time and role expand and even received interest from the hometown Detroit Pistons. Unfortunately, he blew out his knee in the national championship game his senior year, derailing his dream. Despite this setback, life still worked out for him: he used his drive to become a rockstar computer programmer, and had recently been promoted to a role as a high-level executive at his company. While all that was going on, the two had 3 daughters.

The oldest child, on the driver's side of the first row of van seats, was Becky. A 17-year-old high school senior, she had inherited her mother's looks and her father's height and nerdy personality. As a result, she was considered one of the most attractive and sought-after girls at Royal Woods High School. Like her father, she was the best player on the RWHS Ravens girls' basketball team, and several local colleges were interested in recruiting her for their teams. Unlike her father, she was one of Royal Woods' High's "socialites": she was a regular fixture at parties, and was embraced by much of the student body for being a fan of video games, Ace Savvy, Rip Hardcore, and ARGGH!, among other nerdy hobbies.

The middle child, both in terms of birth order and seating, was 10-year-old Paige. Known for being one of the best "Dance Battle" players in town, she was a regular at Gus' Games & Grub, a consistent B-student, and a former beauty pageant participant. As such, she was a relatively popular girl. Becky introduced Paige to video games & comic books, and taught her everything she knew about the footwork needed to excel in "Dance Battle". Consequently, Paige idolized Becky as a big sister, role model, and friend. Both Paige and Becky used their talents to coach and support each other, and eventually, the last sister to come along.

Said last sister was Lindsay, the 6-year-old beauty queen of the group. The baby of the family, Lindsay had carefully observed her mother and older sisters, and vowed to "one-up" them in everything they did. So far, it hadn't been working out for her. Always coming in second to Lola Loud… that brat, Lola Loud. She knew she'd beat her some day. The "you did your best" speeches from her family were always encouraging, but she wanted to be the one basking in glory for once, rubbing in her victory over Lola. She hadn't known it at the time, but she even lost to Lola's twin sister, Lana in a beauty pageant. Lana. The dirty one who always played in mud. When she was doing armpit farts on stage. Losing to an act as disgusting as that really pissed her off. She was looking for something… anything… any edge she could get. Unbeknownst to her, she was about to receive a bigger edge on the Louds than she could ever dream of.

In the meantime, Lindsay whined at her mom while fidgeting in her seat, "I want an ICE CREAM!"

An irritated Linda sighed, "Calm down, Linds, sweetie, there'll be plenty of frozen treats at the beach! Besides, you should have told us on the way there while we passed by Aunt Pam's Parlor. We asked you and you said no."

Lindsay continued to yell, "NO! I! WANT! ICE CREAM!"

Becky, fed up of the yelling, gently suggested, "Lindsay, you know they have those slushies and popsicles at the beach you like. We'll get them for you… for all of us. Does that sound good?"

Lindsay collapsed into her seat, turned away, crossed her arms, and huffed, "Fine," muttering "Stupid slushies. Stupid popsicles."

Paige mischievously joked back, "I heard that! You know you like them."

Lindsay, knowing she was defeated and outnumbered in this argument, slumped further into her seat and let her pout grow, ignoring Paige's half-mocking plea to "not be like that".

While all that was going on, Brian, trying to pay attention to the road, noticed a fair-skinned, white-haired boy in orange swim trunks walking onto the road seemingly on the brink of passing out. While he initially paid the boy no mind, assuming he would walk back onto the road, something about that boy, even from a distance, seemed familiar. He could've sworn he'd seen that boy hanging around his daughters before. Meanwhile, Linda saw the same boy that Brian did, but she was a bit more perceptive. She saw that the boy seemed to be walking towards the middle of the road instead of away from it. When she saw this, she decided to get her husband's attention.

She fearfully yelled at Brian, "Honey, look out! STOP THE CAR!"

That was enough to get Brian to also pay attention to the boy's gait and sense of direction. Having been pulled out of his mental autopilot, he realized that he was going too fast, and that he was going to hit the boy.

Brian slammed on the brakes and yelled at his kids, "Brace yourselves! We're gonna hit someone!"

Brian's yell easily alerted his kids to the situation, who began freaking out and screaming themselves.

Lincoln Loud started recovering from his exhaustion-induced trance only to find a white van barreling down the road, seemingly headed straight for him. In a flash, he froze, his fight-or-flight response too overwhelmed from the previous week's turmoil to really register or react to the threat. As the car continued to get closer to him, and the screeches of said car's brakes grew louder and louder, he bitterly hoped that his so-called family wouldn't find his mangled body. Finally, as the car closed in on Lincoln, he closed his eyes and braced himself for the hit.

And then… nothing. When the screeching of the car's brakes stopped, Lincoln stood motionless for a few seconds before deciding it was safe to open his eyes. When he did, he felt a weird combination of shock, relief, and anguish. The car had stopped mere inches away from his face, keeping him both alive and unharmed. Lincoln had directly stared down the barrel of death, and had lived to tell the tale. Incredibly panicked and frozen from the experience, Lincoln started to hyperventilate. As he did so, he subconsciously wondered if every gasp of air would be the last of his short life. He wasn't paying attention to the two very concerned adults rushing out of the car, asking if he was OK, checking him for any signs of injury/distress.

Brian and Linda exclaimed, "Oh my god! Kid, are you OK?", while Becky, Paige, & Lindsay watched the scene unfolding in front of them in horror. Lincoln only managed to painfully groan in response.

But one question from Brian brought him to his senses: "Where are your parents, kid?"

At that point, Lincoln opened his eyes, suddenly regained awareness of the full weight of his situation, and began to cry in Brian's arms. Sensing Lincoln's distress, Brian decided to cradle him for a few seconds.

Linda also heard Lincoln's groans of distress, and decided to take matters into her own hands. Brian gave Linda space to talk to Lincoln, and as she felt Lincoln's forehead, she noticed he was getting a fever. She gasped worriedly, "Oh my god, you're getting hot. We've got to get you in the car, now!"

Brian and Linda then scanned the road for more cars before rushing with Lincoln in their arms back to the car. It was in Brian's arms where Lincoln weakly and sadly muttered his first words since asking his parents to go to the bathroom: "T-the doctor? D-d-don't take me home. D-don't tell my parents. Please. Turn the car around. I'm not going back there!"

Hearing Lincoln begging to be away from his home, Linda cried, "Oh my god! What happened to you?"

Lincoln slurred deliriously, "B-bad people. Ch-chasing me. Squirrel suit. Go."

Knowing he was not fully composed, and not bothering to question it, Brian and Linda carried Lincoln into the car and hoisted him into the van's back seat, cranking the A/C up and opening the window immediately afterwards to give Lincoln some fresh, cool air. Once in the van's back seat, he slumped, barely able to keep himself upright from the stress of the whole experience. He remained this way even as Brian quickly turned the car around & sped off in the opposite direction, hoping to not run into any more unfortunate kids like Lincoln. Seeing Lincoln loaded up into the car in this state, and having heard everything, Becky, Paige, & Lindsay watched the whole situation in stunned silence.

It was a mere few months ago when a suspiciously similar-looking red-haired boy entertained Becky at Lori's 17th birthday party as "Lincolnovich Loudinski," complete with underwear tricks. Becky found him to be adorable and funny. She hoped that this wasn't that same boy, thinking to herself, No… it couldn't be. Because if he was… dear God. How would she tell Lori & Leni? How would they react? She knew about the "Sister Fight Protocol." But how bad did it really get this time? The fact Lincoln was here alone, combined with his exhausted, tear-stained face told her she didn't want to know.

Paige, being in Lincoln's class, was clearly the most overwhelmed by the experience. Although the two didn't invite each other to hang out often, they clearly had frequent daily interactions through both school & gaming outings at Gus', and they would talk to each other every so often, so they had at least a passing familiarity with each other. Paige could've even sworn that at some points she saw Lincoln giving her goo goo eyes. She was also aware of the various incidents that Lincoln had seemingly either caused or contributed to over the previous few weeks. But having witnessed Lincoln nearly die, those incidents suddenly didn't matter anymore. She had forgiven Lincoln the moment he had shown up in the family van in his shellshocked condition. Paige collapsed into Becky's arms and wailed. The tears started flowing soon after. My classmate… sick. Begging not to go home. What could have happened there?

Even Lindsay, desperate for frozen treats as she was, was able to grasp the severity of the situation at hand. To her, maybe ice cream could wait after all. However, a couple of miles down the road, she was the first of the children able to overcome her feelings of shock, horror, and anguish when she realized who was sitting in her car: Lincoln Loud. The Lincoln Loud. The Lincoln Loud who coached the pageant rival who always beat her at everything: Lola Loud. This might have been the golden opportunity she was waiting for. But for now, still in a traumatized state, she nervously muttered in a feeble attempt to break the silence: "L-L-L-Lincoln? Lincoln Loud?"

Lincoln panted, opening his eyes to focus on his surroundings for the first time. He noticed that he was in a comfortable van. Not Vanzilla, but an actual working van with working A/C and comfortable, non-crooked leather upholstery. To the left of him was bags full of his rescuers' beach equipment and clothes. In front of him was a tall, red-headed man aggressively gripping the steering wheel, and four red-haired females, all of which he either knew or had seen at some point in his life, looking back at him with genuine concern as he struggled to wake up.

It took Lincoln a few seconds for his eyes to fully focus before he had some sense of where the voice calling his name came from. What he saw was a little red-haired girl, about 6 years of age, fearing for his well-being. As his eyes focused on the girl and made out her features, he immediately recognized her, and this made him feel more confident in coming to his senses.

Puzzled, he then questioned, "Lindsay Sweetwater? What are you doing here? As a matter of fact, what am I doing here?"

Paige deadpanned in response, "We could be asking you the same thing."

As his eyes further focused, he noticed who the other three females in front of him were. Riding shotgun was the mother who helped carry him into the car. He'd thank her later. As for the other 2 girls sitting to the left of Lindsay… they were familiar faces to Lincoln. Becky and Paige. But what were they doing here? Paige had never mentioned sisters when they talked… actually, now that Lincoln thought about it, she did. He just didn't remember it until now. But he couldn't believe her sisters were… them. And then some more memories clicked into place: a passing glance at a label "Paige Sweetwater" on the board with every student's year-end book reports last June. Yup, it was that Paige, that Becky, and that Lindsay. It's all making sense, he thought.

A very worried Becky then asked, "Where are your parents & sisters, Lincoln? Or any of your friends? I hardly ever see you out alone, much less this far from home. What's going on? Should I call Lori for you? Or Leni?"

As soon as Becky uttered those names, Lincoln's face flushed almost completely red with anger. Lori and Leni. The two oldest, and supposedly most responsible sisters of the wretched Loud household. The sisters who were always supposed to look out for him. To them, he was their cute, adorable, baby brother. Their little Linky. At least, until now. They were among those responsible for kicking him out of his house, making him sleep outside, selling his furniture, and stuffing him into a squirrel suit, and if it were up to them, they wouldn't let him get fresh air, or even take a bathroom break from providing "good luck" for the family. They had also frequently bullied him before this incident. The last thing he would have wanted at this point was for anyone who shared genetics with him to know where he was. He had thrown his squirrel suit in the garbage & escaped for a reason.

However, knowing Becky might not be ready for the whole truth, he just distraughtly moaned, "No, I'm good. I'm exhausted. Let me sleep. Please."

The rest of the drive back to the Sweetwater house was filled with tense silence. Brian didn't even put on any music for the family to listen to, deciding instead to use the time to collect his thoughts.

It was the most somber & silent drive the Sweetwater family had ever experienced, and it was definitely the quietest one Lincoln had ever experienced.

(Scene Change: Huron Beach)

"Alright Lincoln, get back here! And make sure you have that squirrel suit on!", Lynn Loud Sr. belted.

It had been exactly 5 minutes since he allowed Lincoln to go for a bathroom break, and Lynn Sr. had hoped Lincoln could hear him. The idea was that he would take a quick bathroom break & go back to the beach to keep bringing the Loud family "good luck" in that squirrel suit. He & the family could live with that, especially after they locked their son out of the house & sold his furniture when he was lying about being "bad luck" to get out of going to his family's activities.

But after neither hearing nor seeing Lincoln for about 1 second, his family immediately cried out in protest. A cacophony of noises drowned out any instinct for Lynn Sr. to stay still, and the family immediately frantically began searching the beach for Lincoln.

It was then when Lynn Sr. issued a determined cry, "Don't worry, kids, we'll find our good luck charm!", to which his wife & daughters cheered.

Between the various water sports teams headquartered at the beach, the fast-food shacks lining the beach, and the facilities offered by the beach itself, Huron Beach had 8 sets of bathrooms. Each family member thoroughly combed every building on the beach looking for their good luck charm.

"Lincoln, my boy, where are you?"

"Lincoln? Lincoln?"

"Twerp, we need your good luck!"

"Linky! Linky, come out!"

"Linc, come on bro! Our family needs your good luck!"

"Lincoln, come on? We'd be 'drained' without you! Hahahaha, get it?"

"Come on, Stinkoln! Tryna catch a big wave out here!"

"I ask the spirits' assistance in finding our good luck charm!"

"If you fell in, I'm gonna dig you outta there even if I die trying!"

"LINKY, IF YOU DON'T COME OUT RIGHT NOW!"

"Don't worry, family units! I'll find Lincoln in no time!"

"Incon! Ba wuck! Quiwa gu wuck! Incon!"

In one of Leni's ditziest moments yet, while looking for Lincoln at the Huron Kayaking Association's headquarters, she ran into the girls' bathroom.

Exasperated, Lori had to shout, "Leni, Lincoln's a boy. He would be in the boys' bathroom," before muttering to herself, "Unless he's gender-confused, now."

Leni chirped in reply, "Oh, sorry."

Unfortunately, the family's search would come to a short & untimely end, and not because the thought police would confine Lori to house arrest, if that, for her non-PC faux pas. During their frantic search for their "good luck charm", numerous doors were kicked, punched, slammed, and/or literally torn open, mostly thanks to Lynn, multiple bathroom-goers freaked out at having their privacy violated, and several Loud sisters even had to go into neighboring stalls a couple of times to throw up after what they had seen. The Louds acted so crazed in their search of Lincoln that they forgot to flush their vomit. These actions caused said bathroom-goers to report the Louds to the beach's numerous workers, ranging from lifeguards to the front-desk lady, vowing they'd "never come back again."

In the Louds' panic, they hadn't even realized that by the time they went into the first bathroom to search for Lincoln, he was long gone. They flew into such desperate action that they never considered to call his cellphone.

Even if Lincoln had been able to take it with him, it wouldn't have mattered.

While running back to the beach, they were accosted by lifeguards for their behavior, who proceeded to shout at them a line that had become all too familiar over the years:

"LOUD FAMILY, OUT!"

The Louds had been kicked out of yet another beach.

When Lori tried to protest, "But we were just looking for our brother!", the lifeguard responded, "Yeah, but violating others' bathroom privacy & destroying bathroom property is NOT the way to do it!"

The door slammed shut on them. The Loud sisters immediately started furiously banging on the door, begging the teen at the front desk to let them back inside.

Lynn Jr. immediately began to fume: "THAT LITTLE JINX! I'M GONNA KILL HIM! I'M GONNA STRANGLE HIM, THEN BURY HIM, DIG HIM UP & CLONE HIM, & THEN KILL ALL HIS CLONES!"

Lori added, "I'M GONNA LITERALLY TURN HIM INTO A HUMAN PRETZEL! AND THEN I'M NEVER GONNA TALK TO THAT TWERP AGAIN!"

Lola yelled, "WHEN WE FIND HIM, HE IS SO DEAD! PROBABLY TOOK OFF THE SUIT, TOO!"

Luna roared, "YEAH, I'M GONNA GIVE HIM MY 'AXE' RIGHT TO THE FACE!"

Luan threatened, "NEXT APRIL 1…. HE'S MY 'NUMBER ONE' TARGET! NOT MY 'NUMBER TWO!'"

Lisa then calmly but furiously added, "I can help you out with those clones, Lynn. No catch this time."

Lucy viciously muttered, "I will summon dark spirits to curse you to an eternity of damnation, Lincoln."

Lana shrieked, "COME OUT, SQUIRREL BOY! AND WE WON'T MAKE IT HURT TOO MUCH!"

Leni cried, "LINKY! COME BACK! WE LOVE YOU! JUST PUT THE CUTE SQUIRREL SUIT ON!"

Lynn Sr. begged, "Please… let us find our goo-I mean son. We don't know where he is."

Rita, who was holding Lily, cried, "My baby boy! Bring him back to us! He's wearing a squirrel suit!"

The front desk girl yelled, "Not until your daughters calm down! They're wild animals!"

At that point, a frustrated Rita whistled loudly to get her girls' attention. That seemed to stop them from trying to break down the beach's entrance door.

She then yelled, "You girls have got us kicked out of yet ANOTHER venue! And your behaviour isn't helping find your only brother and good luck charm!"

Lori sheepishly muttered, "But Linky…"

Rita angrily pointed at the family van and ominously warned her daughters, "Get in Vanzilla now before Dad & I show you what real bad luck is."

The girls moaned and mumbled to themselves curse words about everyone at the beach, yet still obliged.

Rita then straightened, nervously laughed, and explained, "As you can see, my daughters love their good luck… I mean brother. Can you please help us find him?"

The blonde, feeling a little pity for Rita, shook her head and sighed, "Fine, we'll search for him. Give us a description of your boy, your phone number and address, and we'll give you a call as soon as we find him."

Frantically, Rita gave the blonde a visual description of Lincoln and his squirrel suit, the house phone number, and the family's home address, and immediately afterward, the front desk girl commanded the family to leave. Rita & Lynn Sr. then put Lily in her car seat and shuffled to Vanzilla before driving to Royal Woods. Immediately, tensions began to simmer.

Lynn Jr. spoke venomously, "Where? Is? That? Little? Jinx?"

Lynn Sr. sighed and tried to calm down his kids: "Because of that attitude, you got us kicked out of the only place we could find him! Now, we're going to have to wait for some ding-danged beach worker, who probably doesn't even know what she's doing, to find OUR GOOD LUCK CHARM! AND SON! Because of YOUR attitude, Junior, we're going to get bad luck!"

After enduring her sisters' various complaints, not to mention a lecture from Lisa about the infinite possibilities for Vanzilla to break down, Lori then scorned, "Yeah, maybe you're the unlucky one, Lynn. Let's throw you out next," to which the rest of the Loud sisters mockingly laughed.

Lynn Jr. then threatened, "You know I can kick all your asses, right?"

Lori then pressured, "You on tip. It's 9-against-1. I'd like to see you try."

Lynn Jr. seethed, "When we get home… you're in for it, bitch."

Exasperated, Rita slumped in the shotgun seat as yet another drive turned into a nonstop circus. Lana & Lola quarreled as usual. Lisa droned on about the numerous weak points of Vanzilla. Lynn Jr. kicked any seat she could and fought with Lucy to blow off steam. Luan didn't stop making annoying puns about her 'missing Linc'. Lily had to have her diaper changed at least once. Luna continued to reinforce the meaning of her family's name with her singing. Lori farted in the car and puked on a fortunately empty seat whenever Vanzilla screeched to a halt. And finally, every sister in the car also viciously argued with each other about who would beat who in a fight.

Meanwhile, back at Huron Beach, the front desk teen blonde was in a tense, difficult situation. Her instincts and job training told her to call 911 & alert local police about the disappearance of a missing child, so that he could return to his parents. The parents and sisters seemed worried sick about what was their apparent only brother. But, on the other hand, she had numerous reports of the sisters' behaviour at the beach right before they were forced out, in addition to the sisters banging on the door, screaming like wild animals, threatening their brother with bloody murder if he were to return. What could they have possibly wanted with him? And hearing his sisters' threats (were they really all his sisters?), would going home really be any better for him than staying with that family? For all she knew, they could have been a group home with that many kids. She'd seen the movies: in the group homes, there was always one runt of the pack. Maybe the "brother" was that runt. Maybe he would be better away from them... especially if an actual family kidnapped him. That van looked like it was about to fall apart at any moment anyway. And didn't they say something about a "squirrel suit"? What if that kid might have been working, or practicing for a part in a play? And if she wasn't mistaken, there was a certain tall blonde with voluminous hair in the pack who looked oddly familiar to her. She just couldn't put her finger on where she'd seen her before.

The blonde pressed her finger under her chin, deeply contemplating what to do next in her head. But then, she was alerted by nonstop buzzing on her phone. The nonstop buzzing was accompanied by a big alert: "End of shift." Smiling to herself a little, she checked her notifications and scrolled past the countless Instapic notifications that each signalled a thirsty dude liking her latest pic. She swore she blocked those. The damn latest software update glitched everything. In the middle of that near-daily deluge, she found one notification she could have actually considered important.

It was a text from a groupchat of her best friends since kindergarten: something about getting lunch at a local restaurant. She looked at her phone, and checked the date and time. How could she have forgotten? It was her bestie's 17th birthday, and they were going to the local Cherry Hornet's to celebrate. She packed up, changed into normal clothes, and said to herself, with regards to the child, "um, not my problem."

She would not alert authorities of Lincoln Loud's "disappearance" that day.

(Scene Change: Loud House, 4:30 PM)

After a couple of hours and a couple of mechanical errors, which the family again blamed on their absent "good luck charm," the family had finally made it back to their home in Royal Woods. By that time, they had managed to somewhat calm down. Once she walked out of the car, Lynn Jr. immediately bolted to the garage & started striking the punching bag so hard that it felt like an earthquake to the rest of her family. Of course, knowing Lynn Jr., the family shrugged it off.

Luna sighed, "At least she's not doing that to us. That's a miracle."

Meanwhile, Lynn Sr. began to prepare a mac & cheese bites dinner. He was about to put them on the cooker when Leni approached him.

With worry evident on her face and in her voice, Leni asked Lynn Sr., "Daddy, where's Linky?"

Lynn Sr. sadly responded, "We don't know. But he couldn't have gone far from that beach. The beach is an hour and change away from our house by car."

Lisa then approached the fashionista and proposed, in her trademark lisp, "Plus-h, if Lincoln's away from us-h, he ish-n't either good or bad luck to-hus. He has-h no effect on our luck what-scho-ever. So we can rely on our sch-kills to win. And you won't have any, um, street name, fashion disasters."

That immediately calmed Leni down. She smiled, letting out a big, "Ohhhhhh…" before flexing her arms outward like a T-rex and absentmindedly wandering up the stairs to design her next trending dress.

Closing A/N (July 20, 2022): Moved my original BTS chapter here. Also, combined my original first, second, & fifth chapters into this one, with the exception of the original fifth chapter's (Premonition) ending scene with Lucy. So here's my story's setup:

When the Luck incident happened & Lincoln was locked outside, Lynn is said to have been in the "playoffs" of her baseball season. Judging by Lynn Jr.'s athletic prowess, she would likely be on a rep baseball team, maybe even a travel team.

We also see character development with regards to the Loud sisters being nicer in later seasons, & they DID go to the beach after Lynn's playoff game. So that means the events of every episode aired after NSL have not happened yet unless I say otherwise. That means Bobby & Ronnie Anne are still in Royal Woods, Stella hasn't arrived, Lori & Carol are still rivals… you get the picture.

I'm from Toronto, only a couple of hundred miles north of Detroit. Royal Woods is implied to be a suburb of Detroit, because it's in Michigan, and Canada is "right across the river" according to Schooled!, which would be the Detroit River. I remember that when I was in middle school (Lincoln & Lynn's age), the girls' softball season took place in the autumn. I know Lynn Jr. plays baseball, but where I'm from, girls hardly ever play baseball; they play softball instead. I also remember being in high school & the golf team playing in fall, which would explain Lori having a "golf game coming up". The professional baseball (MLB) playoffs are in October. The Little League World Series, which someone like Lynn Jr. would try to lead her team to, takes place in September. So judging from all of that, the playoffs of Lynn Jr.'s baseball season would probably take place in August, or September at the absolute latest.

The Loud House typically shows trees full of green leaves & the characters' antics at home, which happen in the daytime, & given that they mainly wear short-sleeved clothing & dresses, it's safe to assume many of the episodes happen over summer break. If you want autumn episodes, well, Toronto is known for having "Indian summers." Basically, there's always a week or two straight in early October where days top 70 degrees Fahrenheit & it's sunny (gotta use US terms because a majority of my readers are from the States), and usually, there will be a week or so in early-mid November where temperatures will reach 60-65 degrees, maybe even passing it. I figure that Detroit, being not that far south of us, has the same conditions, but a little warmer (I remember Windsor, the city across the border from Detroit, having a 78-degree day listed on the Weather Network in October once).

In addition, Lincoln is shown as 11 years old and in 5th grade throughout the first 4 seasons of the show, implying that he's one of the oldest kids among his classmates. So his birthday would be in September.

Taking all of this into account, as well as the fact that the ground & trees are shown to be green, I decided that the events of No Such Luck took place at the end of September of Lincoln's 5th grade year. Which means the events of this AU would start in October of Lincoln's 5th grade year.

This means that many of the "holiday-themed" or "weather-themed" episodes (e.g. The Price of Admission, the Christmas specials, Snow Bored, L is for Love, the April Fools' Day specials except for April Fools' Rules) have not happened yet.

Other episodes that haven't happened yet include:

- The Loudest Yard (due to ongoing football season, started, but not completed);

- The Waiting Game (first senior dance, the homecoming dance, probably doesn't kickoff until later in October or even November);

- Cover Girls (spring cleaning, so March);

- The Green House (probably an "Earth Day" challenge, taking place in April); and

- Study Muffin (Lincoln's "big multi-subject test" is probably an end-of-year test, in May or June).

- Back in Black (not enough time)

- Vantastic Voyage (not enough time, doesn't fit in concurrently with plots of other episodes)

I also assumed a lot of the incidents at the Loud House where no going to school is shown happened in the summer break between Lincoln's 4th & 5th grade years. I'm putting the Sadie Hawkins Dance featured in "Dance, Dance Resolution," and consequently, "Heavy Meddle" and "April Fools' Rules", as have taken place the spring of Lincoln's 4th grade year. I'm also putting "Party Down" as Lori's 17th birthday party, so it will have also taken place a few months before this episode.

As for my choice of who saves Lincoln, I know what you're thinking: "Lindsay Sweetwater? Why would fmarcsthespot use the psychopathic Lindsay Sweetwater, who might be just as bad as Lola, for a revenge attempt on his family?" Well, in her brief appearance in A Tattler's Tale, Lindsay is shown spilling Lola's secrets to Lincoln, quote, "not because she likes him, but because she's tired of always coming in second place to Lola!" This, combined with her beauty pageant participation, implies she has a similar personality to Lola. Because of her personality traits and ruthlessness, she's the only Loud House character other than the Louds themselves, IMO, that's going to be able to do what I want to do with this fanfic. I just ran with it.

So, that's the context of my story. Be sure to give it a favorite and a follow, and stay tuned!