Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh.

The pairings introduced by right now:
Anzu/Yami no Yuugi

The crushes introduced by right now:
Jounounchi/Ryou
Ryou/Lobster
Not very serious, just there for humor and plot yes, there's plot

Thanks to Relinquished for beta-reading this chapter. It's saved!

Chapter de Second: Molasses

In the vein of starting things with questions:

Ever seen the same plot so many times that suddenly nothing was original? You'd go to a movie, read a book, or listen to a song, and all of it would sound so terribly cliché? That's my world unless I do something to it. I have to risk my life jumping in front of traffic just to get the thrill of being lucky and getting out of the way in the last second. Not that I've leapt before any eighteen-wheelers in my existence, but still. The point is that my world is one boring spill of molasses. I didn't mean to get stuck in the conformity of everything, but, when it was all hectic and everywhere, I liked the look of order. But now I do all I canm in my own, silent way, to break that rule of peace and control I clamored for.

I'm just about sick of molasses now. It's sticky and gets everywhere. I need a new life. I wonder what living in salt feels like? I'd have to ask my lobster.

And I still don't know why Seto wants to talk with me. Earlier he was complaining about how some loose woman ran off with his and Mokuba's lobster last night. I pretended that I had no idea what he was talking about. I had food poisoning, remember? My caring friends took me home.

I didn't know taking a lobster would cause so much chaos. Maybe I should have taken another look at the price tag on the menu.

My lobster now lives in the bathroom. I filled the tub with water and locked the door. I plan on getting him some real food and other things later, after I tell Yuugi. Yuugi's smart, he'll know what to do. That boy is a genius.

"Bakura, are you paying attention?" asks a disembodied voice ahead of me. It's the teacher. I'm tempted to say no, but judging how that might do more harm than good, I'll keep it to myself. I'll just word my 'no' differently.

"Huh, Sorry?" I slur. Yes, so much better.

"Ryou Bakura, I'm surprised you aren't failing my class with your lack of attention! Wake up!" she snaps at me. I wince and burrow into my seat like a discovered earthworm. Any way to get back underground.

"Don't worry teach, he knows everything already," says some LIAR in the back of the classroom. I recognise Otogi's voice and glare at him slightly out of the back of my head.

"You don't say…" the woman mutters, like she has a diabolical plan in store for me. I can only cringe and wait.

"Ryou, last night's homework: did you do it?" she snaps at me, not at the liar.

I consider her question. Uh, we had to memorise something by William Shakespeare. All I can recall are the words 'Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow', and I think there was another 'and tomorrow' but I'm not going to bet very much on it.

"Uh, I don't know, sorry," I mumble again. I'm too tired to care right now. I'm surprised I'm not failing this class as well. Trust me, Ms. Teacher Lady, you are not the only one who was shocked at my A and B report card. One of my only A+'s was in this subject actually. Wow, talk about wierd.

I'm watching you, Ms. Literature Teacher. You are looking at me angrily, but you know my grades. They aren't very bad, are they? Why mess up a good thing? Why don't you just leave poor little quiet, paranoid Ryou Bakura alone so he can think about his new lobster and how he's going to manage showers from here on out?

I force myself to look into the teacher's face. I can almost see the wheels turning around and around. She resumes her speech to the rest of the class. I'm off the hook! Yes. I'm going to swim around now and see how many more worms dangling I can find.

Class creeps by so very slowly. I swear that by the time I leave here I'll have grey hairs and a beard. Well, no, my hair is white, so why would it turn grey? I know; I'll be bald! I'll be bald with a long beard and a limp. How terribly attractive.

And I'm staring at the clock.

One…two…three…four-The seconds can't be that slow. Okay, to whoever rigged the clock: This isn't cute or funny! Some people like to know what time it is.

I read about a girl who used to count all sorts of things. She wasn't passing class because she never listened; just was counting, counting all the time. Well, daydreamed and counted. She had surprisingly good grades up until high school, and then it all went downhill. The girl was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder and eventually cured.

I think.

I actually didn't bother to finish that horrible story. It made me think I was mental. The child had weird rituals that made her parents think she was insane. Every time a person swore, she'd pray for their soul. This really ticked off her mom and dad. And her friends just thought her troll doll collection was strange…. (A)

I remember when my father was (or still is) obsessing over almanacs. For half his life he purchased a new almanac right when it came out. Did you know they still publish almanacs? The house closets still have old out-dated almanacs in them. It gets even more confusing when you try to count all the National Geographics the man owns.

I should probably get him checked for OCD. I wonder if it's hereditary?

Suddenly the bell rings. Freedom! I rush to the door, last, as always. I'm ready to go home now and sit around doing nothing. I find this fun sometimes. I don't mind being by myself at all.

There's someone blocking my exit. I look up at the something in annoyance only to see it's Kaiba. I gulp and try to get around him. His taller, much larger body gets intentionally in my way again.

Grrr…. Watch it, I'm about as life threatening as the one ant patrol. Hear me roar, or whatever sounds ants make. Oh funny, real hilarious how none of you react. Oh, don't worry about running for your lives right this second, I can wait. Go ahead; take your time.

"Sorry," I mutter, attempting to leave again. If I pretend he's not caging me in, then I can escape. It's the power of positive thinking.

Kaiba glares at me as I try once again to get past him. I must look pretty idiotic, like a blind mouse or something. I'm too busy watching my feet to notice where I'm going. Finally he places his hand on my head, pushing me away from the exit. It's like walking into a wall. I'm stuck. I guess he wants to talk now about his well paying job offer.

Living in molasses, well, sucks.

I stop walking forward as I'm led backwards towards a desk. I sit. He sits across from where I am and crosses his legs. I hate it when guys cross their legs. I mean, sure they're relaxed and all, but it looks…odd to me. (Says the gay young man who can't leave a friend behind, even if they're marine life. Gay is not synonymous with feminine.) I never cross my legs if I can help it. I mean, did anyone else notice that about Pegasus, beside the fact that every time he stood he looked constipated? I do really hope I wasn't the only one.

Of course, I never told anyone I thought this. No one would have listened except Yuugi, but the Mutou was duelling when the thought came.

"So, you had stomach poisoning, hm?" asks Kaiba. I nod slowly.

"Was this, by any chance, caused by a lobster no one ate?"

I'm paling so fast I don't think my face has enough blood circulating to feel my nose or keep my brain working. I feel faint. Seto Kaiba is a genius. Don't mess with a genius.

"It was obviously you who took the lobster away. You didn't want Mokuba to eat your lobster so you went and retrieved it. You disappeared the same time dinner did, Bakura. Who knows where the creature is now…" Seto Kaiba reads minds. Okay, how come everyone does that but me? I'm starting to feel very ungifted. To my shock, he continues, "…probably locked up in a bathroom with a tub full of water."

I want to scream. I want to take my pen and stab it right through Kaiba's eye and, if he has one, his heart. Why is he doing this to me? Is this something he set up? Did he know I'd be at the restaurant, that I'd befriend the lobster? Did he tell Mokuba to pick my nemesis just so I'd feel entitled to save it? Was this all an elaborate scheme to blackmail me? How did he know?

Please, Father, chase the bad Kaibas from under my bed. They're scaring me.

"I know, you're probably very confused at this," Kaiba remarks with a slight sneer that carried over into his tone. I want to run to a corner and cry, rocking back and forth, back and forth. I'm severely past confused. "But I'm not going to beat you up, I just have a job offer."

I look up at him, still unsure. Yeah, a job offer, sure….

"I need you to baby-sit Mokuba."

My jaw drops. My whole body wants to follow suit. I look at Kaiba and I can't even blink. Mokuba has to be babysat? Aren't there servants to do this kind of thing for the Kaibas? I mean, when you have that much money….

"His last Nanny tried to kidnap him," Kaiba says, answering my question. I feel the sudden urge to ask him if he reads people's thoughts in his spare time. Instead I turn my face to a mask of concern for little Mokuba's well being.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I murmur. Frankly I don't care, but convincing people otherwise makes them like you more. Or, well, it makes people like me more. I think they like me.

"Why? You didn't do anything," Kaiba says, correcting me. I blink at him a few seconds and choke back another apology.

"So you want me to watch Mokuba?" I ask slowly.

"Well, I do believe that's what I just said, Bakura," Kaiba scoffs like I'm the most unintelligent creation of nature seen in all of recorded history. I resist the urge to slap him very, very hard.

Breathe in; breathe out. Breathe in; breathe out.

"Why?" I ask finally, as I see I'm calming down. Slapping Kaiba will only help in insuring I get to have a suddenly shorter life span.

"Why not?" Kaiba says with absolute confidence oozing from every invisible pore. He has a perfect face, actually, except I'd never been close enough to know it before now. It somehow makes me more terrified of him.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. (B)

Okay, maybe I did do my homework last night, big whoop. It wasn't there when I needed it during class. I turn my mind off when I'm asked questions. I'm an idiot and I'm on my way to dusty death like all the other idiots before me.

I manage a pathetic sort of glare at Kaiba after this random spurt of thought ends. 'Why not' is never an acceptable answer.

"Why do you think that?" I ask him. "Sorry, but what makes you so sure I won't take little Mokuba hostage?"

"Because that's not you, Bakura. You wouldn't kill a lobster, why would you hurt Mokuba?" This isn't a reply. He says it like the fact is the most obvious thing in the world.

As much as I hate it, Kaiba has a point. Still, I have the power to refuse.

"Sorry, I'm not in," I reply, a little nervous but moving to get up and go. To my great and sudden alarm, Kaiba grabs my shoulder and forces me down again. I throw him one of my lone solider ant glares, which are about as dangerous as their namesake, and sit down.

"Okay, let me hear that one more time, but look at me when you say it," Kaiba orders lightly. Surprised at what seems instant randomness, I look Kaiba in the eyes.

"I'm not—" I start, but stop. Set—Kaiba has very pretty, evil blue eyes. I've never noticed that before. Shoot, I'm lost now. Where was I? What was I saying? I know his eyes are saying something, imposing their will on me, and I'm foolish enough to try to listen to them. I can't help myself.

"I…."

Kaiba smiles. It's a small, soft smile. I can hardly see it, but I know it's there. And I can't believe it. Kaiba's never looked so good before, so trustworthy. He is a fantastic creature and an okay guy. I can see why so many of the girls swoon over him, and suddenly, I can't help but stare. I feel I could go crazy, lose my heart and soul and still do anything for this demigod, such as sound like an idiot calling him a demigod because I'm pathetic. I'm too meek. I want just to see those fascinating eyes, portals to a complex ingenious mind I can't even read because I don't speak the language of people who's thinking makes sense. I feel inside what his eyes tell me more: Kaiba isn't really a bad guy at all, just misguided. Misinterpreted. You should agree to help him. Maybe that will make you special. Kaiba's good.

(Yes, and I'm really Joan of Arc this entire time. …I can't believe you're falling for this.)

I snap back to reality. Suddenly it's just Kaiba in front of me, just everyday, pissed off Kaiba who won't smile for his brother in a seafood restaurant. I scowl, Mokuba needing me for a babysitter? Hardly.

"I won't do it, now let me go, please," I reply, not even blinking. For a few seconds Kaiba looks shocked at being turned down by me even when I'm looking right into his face. I can't help but feel like laughing. Did he think I'd agree? I picture the choir that sang five seconds ago at the businessman's face and the Sennen Ring's spirit running after them, riding an entire arsenal aboard a humvee filled with dangerous tools of mass destruction and chaos.

"I'll give any reasonable amount you request each hour," Kaiba suggested instead.

I wince. I think about the lobster in the tub. My tub. I'm going to have to use that thing someday.

"Just how high is reasonable?" I ask. Jounouchi is going to literally kill me.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing, Bakura?" Yuugi asks me. We're sitting next to the tub with the plump, happy lobster inside. I watch it busily flopping about now in the brown-tinged water. I'm very glad I receive it cleaner than usual, or the smell would be worse.

"Yeah, it's just a lobster, Yuugi," I say as the fiend whacks me with one of his claws.

It's a love/hate relationship.

"No, babysitting Mokuba Kaiba," he corrects more, looking down at the lobster with a grimace. Yuugi scoots away slightly in disgust.

"Yeah, he is pretty nasty looking, eh? Hey, like they say; beauty is only skin deep…" I recite as the creature attacks me again, "…but ugly goes clean to the bone."

Which is true, since the lobster is a crustacean. He has an exoskeleton like insects. The ugly legs that scrap my tub are bone.

"Ugly? Mokuba or the lobster?" Yuugi jokes. I'm too distracted by the lobster smacking me with his bound claw to notice. I push it back into the water, cringing when my fingers get wet.

"If you don't like the thing, why did you French a cook to get it?" Yuugi asks. Always the hard questions with him. Can't Yuugi just not pay attention for once?

Oh wait; he's failing the grade…. Okay, well that's because he's listening to too many other things. Hey, Einstein dropped out before high school, so maybe there's hope. If he cared about schoolwork as much as he does his friends, he'd be more gifted than Kaiba. I mean, look what that kind of devotion does for his dueling skills. He always beats Kaiba there. In school, no so much.

Who's Yuugi duelling now? Seto Kaiba? Sit back everyone, this match is set. How many bet on Yuugi?
[Insert me-me-me! chants.]
Who bets on Kaiba?
[Insert silence.]

"Look," Yuugi says, "I'll go to the pet store with you, okay? I'll help you pay for lobster food or whatever, but I don't think it needs a cage. How different is this tub from its old glass tank? Keep it here and use the other bathroom, naturally. Just get a filter and some monitors, and he's set."

I nod. That makes sense. Why is Yuugi always so reasonable? I've heard of him being called a chump before, and all sorts of things because of his generosity and kindness. He falls into traps a lot, but he always pulls back out eventually. Of course, that giving the rare hunter the Sennen Puzzle incident was just embarrassing.

But hey, I kidnapped a lobster, so maybe I shouldn't be the one pointing fingers.

I smack the said lobster back as it tries to climb up my leg.

"You're not coming," I scowl, pushing the lobster into the water. Yugi is watching me, alarmed that I talk to the new pet too.

"So…lets go!" I say. I smile optimistically.

The pet store is huge. I've never been to the place before, because I generally dislike animals (and I saved a lobster?). Yuugi apparently doesn't know what to do either, by the wonderful look of awe and confusion on his face. A crazy bird next to us starts squawking at me. I glare at it. Why must all the world's creatures mock me? What do they think I'll do, save them?

I know the lobster has had something to do with this.

"Uh, sir," Yuugi flags down a shop worker. The man stops and turns to him.

"How may I help you?" he says and beams brightly with a wide, sickening smile.

Ahh, the teeth, they blind me! How you get such pearly whites? It's almost gross how much chemicals he must use there. How can you help us; he's asked now? You can point me to the bathroom, somewhere I can escape.

"Do you happen to carry lobster food, here?" Yuugi asks. I wander off to the fish aisle; Yug'll take care of the lobster bit.

"See, the guy said lots of people own lobsters!" I say almost smugly as Yuugi and I walk home later, me carrying the food.

"Yeah, little kids who's parent foolishly take them to seafood restaurants! Tiny children who just can't eat the lobster because it's their 'friend', Bakura. These are the kids who cry when their moms kill cockroaches. I expected more from you than that."

Yuugi scowls. He's just mad because he had to spend thirty minutes looking for me in the kennel area. I was trying to find a puppy that didn't look like Jounouchi.

We finally reach my apartment complex. Yuugi waves and goes on to the game shop. I don't see why he's got to leave now. I'm babysitting Mokuba Kaiba today and I'm not to sure about why I'm doing it.

Oh yes, the money and my paranoid fear that Kaiba is homicidal.

Quickly I walk to the bathroom. The lobster greets me with a wave of his antenna. Slowly I open the bag of food and throw some at him. I'm assuming he knows what to do with it. He lifts his claw in farewell as I exit and close the door.

Now, I'm really sorry to all of you if I've sounded a bit cynical lately. What with wishing death to land on certain people? I don't mean to, it's just I don't get out much; I don't know very many people. Ergo, I'm easily annoyed at everything, but no-one is ever allowed to know. I told you, my world is molasses, it's not like nothing ever changes, it's just that it goes…. by…. so…. slowly…. But, of course, I'm the perfect saint when it comes to other people. Nobody realises just how sadistic and/or insane my thoughts are till I go and do something random.

Like 'adopt' a lobster.

I can hardly hear my nemesis splashing after his meal. Does he even realise what I've done for him, or was it just nothing? Is that creature really as smart as I make him out to be? Or are all his witty motions just figures of my imagination? Is he really gesturing at me with his claws? Was that bird in the pet shop actually mocking me with its noises?

Do chopsticks have feelings?

A television war between the cynics and the saints; flip the dial and that's whose side you're on. (C)

Sorry, I'm just thinking here. There a thin line separating cynical and saint for me. The same kind of thin line that separates insanity and semi-normalness. It's like I'm walking on a platform between the two. Life throws stuff at me and I'm forced onto one side for a while. Someday there will be a wall sundering one side from me forever. I sort of hope I'm not stuck in the area of madness when that happens.

There's a knock on the door and I turn to it. I look out the window nervously. It's one of Kaiba's suits out there. He's to escort me to the mansion.

Oh, I can't wait.

Young man, is that sarcasm I hear in your tone?
Sir, no sir, that is not sarcasm you hear, sir.
No sarcasm?
Sir, no, sir, no sarcasm, zero sarcasm, sir!
Fine, then you and your saintly airs get to scrub the urinals!

The Kaiba mansion is, uh, big? As the car pulls up, I am certain I'm the only person in Yuugi's group of friends who's seen past the large iron gates. I'm wondering again why Kaiba even bothers with school. He's got it set at this place; servants everywhere! As I step onto the porch, I'm scared to even breathe in case my presence might unpurify the extravagant air. A tall man leads me inside silently, and I have to take a breath, least I kill myself with lack of oxygen.

"Bakura," Kaiba greets me with his usual hard nod. He's standing with Mokuba a slight distance away.

"Hi, Bakura!" Mokuba exclaims, jumping up and down slightly like an energetic hummingbird. Hummingbirds die in their sleep because they overwork themselves. Their little bodies don't get enough power to wake them up and the birds just pass away from lack of energy once their tiny hearts fail. I do hope Mokuba doesn't pass away while he takes a nap. That wouldn't be good for me. (D)

"Hello, Mokuba," I greet him, wondering if he was exerting too much energy, if he needed food to make sure he didn't die in his sleep. I don't even notice Kaiba's gone till Mokuba starts running off to who knows where. I hurry after him.

Amazingly, I'm suddenly in the dinning room. It's empty of food, but Mokuba is sitting at the table smugly. He motions to the seat across from him. I sit down there. It's too quiet in here.

"We get to eat anything reasonable," Mokuba tells me. I nod. Did he read my mind about the hummingbird thing? It's kind of sad; he's like ten and knows my thoughts, like his brother, like Anzu and everyone else I know but me.

"You don't say?" I reply, looking around. The place is huge. And this is only the dinning room.

ICHI: What happened to Bakura?
NI: He went into the Kaiba mansion, got lost, and hasn't come out since.
ICHI: He should have brought a compass and a map. They sell those at the door.

I don't like this place very much. It's too…immense. Hardy har, har; yes, I'd rather live in a cell, a hole in the ground. Sure…. To bad I'm more than a little hysterical in tight spaces.

Before I know it, it's lunch. Food seems to suddenly just come to exist before me. I glare at it lightly. Rice and tinned fish. Uh, great…. Mokuba is chomping down, all manners tossed aside. I watch him, slightly disgusted. This is high class eating? This cat food? I watch as the boy's mouth slips and he bits down on the metal of his spoon. While he doesn't even notice, I am mortified. What did the spoon think about such disrespect? Why did Mokuba have a spoon anyway? Was he just too lazy for chopsticks or a fork?

I take my two pretty little carved eating utensils and presume to stabbing at my rice and fish. Hey, if Mokuba is throwing manners and superstition out the window, then I think I will too. He seems well off enough without it. I'm going to keep disrespecting the meal until he notices. Stabbing with chopsticks is a very rude, uncivilised thing to do.

I can't stand attacking my fish. I stop. I start arranging my meal. The food is so unorganised I can't eat until I establish some order to it. Don't ask, it's a thing I do when I'm stressed. I can be hungry, but I will not chew a bite till I know I've done the best I can to fix the chaos. Mokuba now inhales long noodles while I'm straightening my rice.

"Are you gonna eat, Bakura?" Mokuba asks me. I can barely shake my head once before it's gone, my food that is. I push my rice towards the boy and he consumes it rapidly. I watch on awe.

Suddenly the plates are gone and in their places are dishes of fruit and puddings. I watch in horror as Mokuba grabs a bowl of plan rice and dumps over it a load of sugary fruit cocktail in syrup. I'm ready to throw up. How can a person eat whipped cream with rice? My father never gave plain rice for dessert. It's not right. I'd rather watch the Kaiba eat tuna with rye bread and powdered sugar.

If I don't run to the restroom and toss up all my internal organs first; I'm asking Kaiba for a raise. This isn't baby-sitting; this is cruel and unusual punishment.

Well, I don't have to worry about Mokuba's energy level. I wonder if he likes chocolate cake with soy sauce? I wouldn't imagine anything less of him now. It's disgusting.

"Did you eat before you came?" Mokuba asks me since I don't touch anything.

"Yes, I'm sorry," I lie.

"What did you eat?" his asks, oblivious to what I could have eaten that distracted me from his meal.

"Molasses," I inform him. Help, I've eaten my way out of the molasses spill and I can't get back in! I'm gong to die in this parallel universe, the Mansion de Kaiba. Can anyone save me? Tune in next week for the excitingly dull conclusion.

Mokuba looks at me confused. Why would someone eat molasses straight from the jar? Why don't they pour it all over their breakfast rice!

"Excuse me," I apologize, and make to leave. Maybe he won't get the picture.

"Don't go," Mokuba orders. I hear a hint of Kaiba in his tone, but keep walking. I crash into the door as I lazily try to push it open. The guard on the other side chuckles.

I turn to see Mokuba glaring at me. Now, in different circumstances, I would've found the look quite hilarious, but now, not so much. He's pointing at my seat. Slowly I walk back and sit down, trying not to glare too hard at the child in power.

"Lets eat!" He's grabbed some rice and I watch terrified as he reaches for diced peaches and maple syrup.

Now my family used to be one of those big groups that lived in one area, met every night for dinner and sat at large tables. It was like this until I turned six and my father started travelling a lot. We had all these old traditions for births and such that dated back to the ancient days. Like most other families, this fell apart with the modern age. I was very young then and hardly remember anything of those times. This influenced my father's meal making though, which is why I can't stand Mokuba's taste. Rice isn't a dessert. Fruit and cakes are dessert.

"Eat," he commands, pushing the inedible concoction towards me. I look at the mass warily and close my mouth. Mokuba ignores this and hands me chopsticks.

"Eat, or I'll get my people to make you," he threatens. I'm surprised how much like Kaiba he sounds. I grab the eating tools and watch my meal one more time.

I close my eyes and rudely shovel a glob of the garbage into my mouth. I gag almost instantly. I splutter into my dish, but somehow manage to keep the food in my mouth. I don't like it. I'll never imagine maple syrup and honey and chocolate sprinkles the same way again.

I swallow against my will and open my watering eyes. Mokuba is watching me with surprise. I admit, it didn't taste lethal, but still, I'm not used to that type of food.

"Are you sick?" Mokuba asks me in annoyance.

"Now I am," I snap, trying not to throw up. So what? I'm not lying.

"Hey! Don't talk back to me!"

"I'm you're babysitter!" I snap before I can choke it down like that saccharine mouthful of moments before.

"Get out of this house, I don't like you!" he commands. I stare at him in shock. Mokuba isn't much under pressure.

Before I can reply, I'm hoisted off the ground by two large suits with shades. I struggle, but they aren't releasing me. Mokuba is ordering them to take me outside. I can only watch the rooms pass by as I'm carried out the front door and dumped onto the lawn. I run up at the door again, but it's locked. The gate guard observes my efforts silently.

I look around the trees and grass. There's a tall fence around the property that keeps me in and other people out. I'm trapped.

This is the closest to Hell on Earth I've ever been.

I want to get back at something now, but I don't know how. I run up to the gate guard.

"Let me out, please," I command breathlessly. He just stares silently at the road outside. Angrily I reach to touch him. A strong hand grabs my face and knocks me backwards. I lie still on the ground for a few seconds and start to laugh.

Look at me, Mokuba Kaiba's baby-sitter laying in the middle of the lawn while my charge dines inside on sugar coated, fruit filled, rice balls. Yes, I'm paid for this, you know. Hahaha, no I'm not insane, but if I don't get home in time, my pet lobster will starve. Yes, it's a crustacean, you know. He hates me and I hate him, but he's my favourite pet. He's my only pet, actually.

I wonder what Kaiba will think when he comes home with me waiting here on the grass? Will I not get paid? Will he finally arrange my murder? I could probably soak the blood up with all those cotton papers he has. (It's fabric.)

Ha, here man tries to make clothes from paper and paper from clothes. Role reverses here, like Kaiba and Yami Yuugi. Ironic.

I closed my eyes and continue to grin. I wonder what the guard thinks? Maybe that I'm mental most likely. Well, that's fine.

I don't like free money. My stupid sense of honesty always turns down unearned cash. It's not like there was much to buy anyway. Who really has to worry about spending money too fast in a molasses world? Currency drips very slowly through my sticky hands. There isn't much about it - that's how my life is. I see I may need to change my views soon, though, as I'm breaking from the thick, sugary sweetness of my former living. Why the hell did I have to take that demon lobster?

"I was thrown out of the house, how come you're paying me, Kaiba?" I ask, as the man hands me the money.

"Because you were here all day," he says like this is was a great thing to do.

"But I didn't do anything!" I remind him softly with some frustration. Kaiba just pulled up, and I greeted him from the steps. It was already dark outside and he hadn't even asked why I was there and not inside with Mokuba. I have a suspicion that Mokuba does this to his watchers a lot.

"Yes, you did enough," he tells me.

I'm lost. All I did was lie on the lawn and sit on the steps all day. How is that enough? I only saw Mokuba for less than an hour.

"I can't take this; I didn't watch him."

Kaiba sighs at me like I'm the most foolish person he's ever meant. Hey, my family had morals before they dispersed. We ate, talked, and acted respectively! We weren't just nobodies adopted into the wealth of the world, giving us superiority to spread our bad habits to the upper half of society! My family didn't have power, but at least we were decent enough people. Now there are so many financial leaders acting so American. Mokuba's taking after them, too! I wonder how Kaiba treats his meals, his home!

"Bakura, I'm paying you. Take it," Kaiba growls.

"Sorry, I can't," I protest politely. I'm very stubborn about honesty. What if one of Kaiba's servants tells people that Ryou Bakura came over to watch Mokuba, didn't do anything at all, and still go paid? I can see an entire conspiracy forming here. I want a good name, no matter how mental I can be at times. I don't really want the world to know my name; I just want a respectable rep whenever I go. I can't take Kaiba's money; the risk is too great.

"Drop your pride long enough to realize when someone wants to pay you back, Bakura!" Seto snaps, flailing the bills about.

"Excuse me, but, how about you do likewise long enough to realize someone will not want your money? Some people have these things called morals and they don't always consider laying down on the lawn all day worth a wage!" I snap in return. I instantly regret it, as I think Kaiba could very well have an excuse to kill me now.

To my surprise, alarm, and slight frustration, Kaiba's face drops. This is the second time I've looked him right in the face and refused. I think this confuses him a bit. Hey, I do have some will of my own, okay? I'm not going to start just falling over Kaiba and daydream about him every waking moment because he looked me in the eye. God knows he has enough fan girls doing just that and more, right now.

"Just take the money, Ryou," he urges, using my first name.

I unintentionally glare at him. Ryou? He's calling me Ryou just so that I take his money, so he can win this debate? I had no idea that he'd go this low. I can't even call him a businessman now. He's a business…thing. I don't know. It must have no shame.

"Do you have any pride? 'Ryou'? Are you serious, Kaiba? Don't call me that." I snap at him. Maybe I'm putting too much into this but I'm angry and disrespected.

He looks at me clueless. I almost want to scream. He didn't know he used my name! He said my name, he knew the word, and yet he didn't realize. Which is weird. How could he accidentally call me Ryou? I could never just go 'hi, Seto' to him without stuttering.

"Argh! You don't have to pay me! Be happy, you get to keep more of your precious money now. I just want to go home, watch TV, and talk to my lobster!" I say, sounding maybe a little more childish than makes me proud to admit.

I'm upset now. I'm afraid I'll destroy something mentally. This solider ant is marching now up the enemy's face; I'm ready to pierce my teeth right onto his nose for a nice, big, red swell.

Kaiba blinks. "Did I call you Ryou?" he asks.

"Yes!" I nearly yell to him. Since he's not being polite, I'll have make up for it halfway. This means I'm not all-out yelling, "Please, get over it. Call your driver, and I'll go home, okay?"

Well, I said I'd make up for it halfway.

Kaiba nods and pockets the money. A few minutes later, the long car has pulled up. I hurry in and stare out the window as the driver goes around to the front.

Okay, I just turned down a lot of money. I'm not even going to tell you how much Seto offered, so don't ask. It was more than what you usually get watching triplets off Ritalin for the Emperor.

All I can do is look out the window and try to calm down. I'm counting street lamps now, as the limo heads for my apartment. There's no time to think, just count: one—two—three—four—five—six—seven—eight—nine—ten—eleven—twelve—thirteen—fourteen—fifteen—sixteen—seventeen—eighteen—nineteen—twenty—twenty-one—

Finally, I'm home again. I try grabbing the door handle just in time to hear a click. I pull back on the cool metal to discover what I already know. I'm locked in. I look out the window. I'm not anywhere near my apartment.

"Don't panic," a voice in the front commands. I glare at the back of their head. Why…me…? this is what happens in movies before the kidnapper binds and gags you and tosses you in the trunk.

"What?" I ask stiffly, trying to be polite though I'm not very happy. I hate and fear Kaiba so very much now. He turns around and leans through the opening between the passenger compartment and the driver's seat. He's staring back at me. There is a streetlamp behind him that only allows me a silhouette like shape of where he is. I hate that he can see me and I can't really see him.

"I want you to watch Mokuba tomorrow," he says. I'm not responsive. "Please?" Kaiba says and then shrugs to see if being almost polite will get me to agree.

I want to scream and claw his eyes out. There is a voice in the back of my mind urging me to take like the warriors of ancient lifetimes and attack Kaiba shrieking a battle cry. I can't believe he really wants me to watch Mokuba. There's got to be more to this than I see.

"Will you?" he asks again, softer this time. He's begging? It's not a unique strategy.

I know damn well what he's trying to do and I don't need to be told by my other self this time.

"Why?" I ask, my voice almost slipping to something of an angry growl and a panicked yelp. I quickly try to recover it.

Kaiba smirks. It's not a happy smirk, more a frustrated smirk that makes me feel like I have to send it away somehow. I don't know how to do this though except to agree. Well, poor Kaiba, the annoyed sound of yours gets to stay, gets to stay!

"Perhaps it's to see if you can actually watch Mokuba sans getting kicked out of the house?" Kaiba suggests, annoyed.

I sigh at him. Doesn't he get it? I don't want to baby sit Mokuba again.

"I don't care if I can take care of Mokuba, Kaiba." I say. I can sense his frustration and I feel I should reconsider.

"I can sit here all night 'til you agree," he says, hints to me. I scowl at him like he can see it in the dark. I'm better illuminated, so he probably can.

"You wouldn't, Kaiba. I could sue you," I say a little too smartly.

"It's not like money could be a big loss to me, little R—owe!" I'm not letting him insult my name again. I panic in my breaking nerve, leaning back and kicking Kaiba right in the face. He howls.

(Way to go yadonushi, probably broke Kaiba's nose.)

Oh God. Now when I refigure what just happened, I don't think that was my best plan ever. Kaiba moans again and falls back slightly. I hear a click within my terror. Quickly I throw open the door and run. The billionaire accidentally unlocked the car. Maybe it was a better plan than I thought.

Ha, just watch this blow up in my face. The plans where I run away never work out.

I can hear Kaiba jump out behind me and dash in my direction. I remember Jounouchi running after me and know I'm doomed. Kaiba is a lot better than Jounouchi. He's in great shape and happens to poses greater stamina. Before I know it, the tall, raging teen has gone ahead of me and lies next to my path, grabbing my ankle with mean accuracy. I fall into the leaves and grass, biting my tongue painfully. Kaiba's game plan of ambush was obviously better than my run and pray technique.

I think he's going to kill me now.

Kaiba grabs the back of my shirt and hair, leading me to the car like an annoyed father or officer of the law. Once he has me inside he starts the engine and continues driving to my apartment. On the way he starts to speak, his nose isn't broken, nor do I see any blood.

I'm so freaking weak.

"Why did you kick me?" he barks, annoyance in his voice.

"You insulted me," I say nervously. My mother had always taught me to make sure others respected my name, Ryou Bakura. I was the oldest son, the only son, in my family. It was very important to my mother. My father didn't care, he was like all the other people nowadays. To him, everything was superstition and tradition. Not so on my mother's side.

And I was right in between this. I'd always been torn between them both. Who knew what I believed? I didn't.

Though I'd always liked my father a bit better. Maybe that's why I lived with him?

"Bakura, you can't be serious!" Kaiba sighs. "Nobody worries about that sort of thing like you! It's pathetic to take it so personally. It's just formalities."

"Habit, sorry," I reply quietly, shamefully. Now that I think about it, what I did was kind of stupid. I mean, he hadn't been insulting me, really, unless some part of me was convinced that a familiar Seto Kaiba was a joke. Everything he said made me feel like nothing and like an idiot. I didn't want that voice to speak to me familiarly, like it knew me. Once I accepted it knew me, then I accepted I was nothing and an idiot and whatever else it said I was.

"How old is you father, anyway?" he furrows his brow and asks. He thinks I know?

"Mother's side," I correct him. Father didn't give a damn about names.

"She a nonconformist?" Kaiba asks, though it could be argued that people who didn't act like her were the ones not conforming. I frown, but I know he's right about her being different, at least. Her family was big on tradition and customs and being polite. Father was only good at traditional cooking. He used to joke about that and say it was the only reason mother had married him. I think there was more truth in this than father admitted for a long time.

I'm not going to bother telling Kaiba my mother is dead. We are not familiar, and he does not need to know.

We finally reach the apartments in silence. Slowly, I walk out the door, surprised it is unlocked. Before I leave, Kaiba calls me once more. I turn to him obediently because in the end, I'm all obedience.

"Please do consider watching Mokuba tomorrow. I'd," he pauses, "I'd appreciate it." He then pulls out and drives away. I watch confused. I'm going to have to ask Yuugi what to do now. I can't decide anything because there's this voice that nonchalantly calls me Ryou and tells me I will do everything it asks, even if I don't want to.

As I reach my room, I hear my annoying pet in the tub rippling the water slightly at the sounds of me walking about. I wonder if he knew what I should decide? Too bad I don't speak lobster. He'd probably say all the same things as Kaiba anyway.

Notes and Stuff:

A: I got that bit from a book, "Kissing Doorknobs" by Terry Spencer Hesser. It's about a girl named Tara with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I was writing a report on OCD since I knew people with it and read that book. It was actually very funny (it's first person and humor) and I actually did finish it too (unlike Ryou in this fic).
B: Guess what I learned in school! That bit by William Shakespeare is from Macbeth (Act V, Scene v). You may have heard the rest of it (Poor Ryou didn't memorize it all). "…The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is hear no more. It is a tale… ect… ect…" –See? Macbeth.
C: Heh, after OCD and a quote from Shakespeare, I throw in the Goo Goo Dolls. That line is from the song "Flattop" by said music group. That song was in my head typing that. I had to put a line in there. For no reason.
D: Bakura has such happy thoughts! Yeah… Did any of you take the ACT where they asked that question about the hummingbirds? I remembered this when I was typing. I felt so sorry for the hummingbirds dieing while they slept I almost didn't finish filing in those little bubbles in time.

Oh, and if anyone has a site where you can see some good Ryuuji Otogi (Duke Devlin) pics, let me know. I want to draw a picture of him later on in this fic, but I have no screen shots or anything similar. All I have is one tiny Dungeon Dice Monsters illustration from the dub that I can barely see. Thank You!