Disclaimer:
I don't own Yugioh.
The pairings introduced right now:
Anzu/Yami no Yuugi
Seto/Yuugi
Jounouchi/Mai
The crushes introduced right now:
Ryou/Seto
Ryou/Lobster
Thanks to beta-reader Relinquished!
BEHOLD, A GUIDE:
(Italics) = Yami no Bakura communicating mentally
Italics + no limit to number of asterisks = is Ryou's mental voices and skits
Chapter de Eight: Yami no Bakura?
I do not know why I'm suddenly feeling so angry at everything. Otogi hasn't been over for the entire day after school and normally, about this time, I'd be headed for Kaiba's, to watch Mokuba. I don't get it. Everything is so still and tense now. It seems no one knows I'm here, alive. I think I've been forgotten entirely by humanity, like I've been erased.
Maybe this is just that slight, nerve-racking calm before some violent storm? It reminds me of when I was visiting a cousin's and it started to rain severely. Right before the first drop fell, the earth grew quiet, in some kind of steady anticipation. Then the torrents fell and it was terrifying. When we all went outside the next day, some houses weren't all the way there.
I started liking cities a whole lot more after that.
So, if this is the calm before a storm, I can't relax. Does anyone else see what we're headed for now? Don't they, too, sense the sudden silence and foreboding air that moved in?
Maybe I should leave the apartment?
No, because if something happens out there, I can't run home and lock everything out.
So now I get to stare at the wall and count dots all over again, jumping at noises and creaks caused by the building settling and swaying. It's really eating at my nerves.
"Helloooo, Bakura!" a voice greets behind me. I'm almost happy to see Otogi now; he is probably going to be my only friend after all of this.
"Hello, Otogi," I say politely. From my position on the couch, I can't see him.
"Are you okay? You haven't left the apartment all day," he asks, slightly worried. That's Otogi for you, always the little scout, worrying about everyone who can stand him. I guess that's why just Yuugi and me get along with him; seeming, as Jounouchi hates almost everyone I know, and Anzu always thought most guys were annoying.
Well, she never said I was all that annoying, though she's scowled so many times even on Yuugi. I suppose she doesn't think I'm actually male enough to be an 'frustrating guy'. No, I act like a shy girl or a nice old lady, not a teenage boy.
Disappointing, really.
"I really have nowhere to go, Otogi," I tell him quietly.
"What about Mokuba?" he asks, surprised.
"I'm not working there anymore."
"Oh," Otogi nods sensibly. I don't entirely understand why, but I find I must keep talking. Otogi doesn't stop me as I extend my given 'oh' a bit more.
"It is only the practical thing to do. Mokuba doesn't really need a watcher and Kaiba is now with Yuugi. Everything is set and I'm no longer needed," I tell him, trying to sound sensible. He nods again at my words and I can't help but wonder if he even cares.
"So, you're going to sit inside by yourself on a beautiful day?" he asks, looking at the closed windows around the room. "But then, I guess you didn't know, with all the blinds down."
I shrug and pull my legs up to my chest. There's a comfort in holding myself so, some strange type of security I haven't named yet. I didn't get around to opening the blinds after the storm a few days ago. My apartment is usually a very nice, slightly cluttered place everyone likes to visit and explore at my consent, even when I'm out. Now it's a dark and gloomy morgue of all my thoughts. Recently, I've been reliving the days when my father first left and didn't return for months. That's how lost I've been. I don't know what to do, so I'll just stay inside, breathe, and wait.
"Are you even going to consider leaving any time soon?" he asks. I shrug again and hug my knees closer, lest they slip away over the couch. Thinking how such an action may alarm my only guest, I resist the urge to rock.
"What's the matter, Bakura? I know, since we're friends, and all you get to be your true, messed up self around me, but you are kind of creepy now. You're quieter that usual. What's bothering you?" he asks and mocks me.
Lots of people do that, poke fun at me, and I let it blow by. It seems I make wonderful friends with those who mock me: Otogi, my lobster, and, until last night, Kaiba. Even Mokuba was like that, and Jounouchi was close to barbaric in his taunts at my manners and solitude. I can't really admit I wasn't irked at the behavior sometimes, but I dropped obvious tips for them all to kindly step off it as they reach a stress point. This won't usually stop Jounouchi or Mokuba, as those two were the worst tormentors. My lobster never listens to me, but he can't really bring a subject up. Otogi learned his cue to stop the 'humor' quickly. It's nice that he obeys, but more than half of the time he just switches his theme. He still mocks, just not on the same topic. The most amusing out of all is (was) Kaiba, who stops completely. You give him the slightest clue you're annoyed or panicking, and he ends it. Kaiba would go to another category and become the world's greatest bore as he droned on about gods know what.
"Are you going to talk at all or is 'Hello, Otogi, I have nowhere to go I'm not working for Kaiba because there's simply no reason' all I'm getting?" Otogi complains. He sounds frustrated.
"What do you want to know besides that?" I ask very slowly, very quietly, trying to see if spoken sentences aren't just myths from five minutes ago.
"I want to know why you are sitting in the dark," he suggests.
"I forgot to open the blinds for a few days," I answer softly, watching a little flying insect of some sort that I don't care about, climbing the wall.
"May I open them?" he asks, looking at the windows again in disgust. It's not the nasty disgust as in he thinks the place around him is gross, it's the disgust of not thinking the mood of such little light sets will help my situation mentally, however it may be, and wanting to help first by improving the current surroundings.
"Yes, you may," I permit as he gets up and pulls back the cords, freeing the sunbeams caught in the curtains to spread around the room.
When he finishes the room is considerably brighter. I feel less troubled for some reason as well. Slowly, I permit my arms to release my knees and let my feet rest on the floor. I still cower slightly on the cushions, but it's only because change of atmosphere doesn't fully affect some parts of your mind.
"Do you feel any better now, Bakura?" he asks smartly as he sits down again. I watch as his back slams into the soft, other side of the couch. It's such a violent attack on the cushions. The couch frame scoots back slightly with the force.
"Do you feel any better?" he asks again. I nod quickly and wonder how bad the couch feels.
"So, what makes you stay inside?" he asks.
"Boredom," I reply.
"It's more interesting out there, in the sun. But then, you might not like the light," he jokes.
"Why?" I ask. I don't get it. Why do I not like light? Light never did anything to me. I hurt me and no one else is responsible. Why would I hate the light?
"You know, you're pale and depressed right now, like you never go outside ever." He explains but then just shrugs at my failing to get the jest.
"I don't hate the light."
Otogi sighs at me. "Forget it?" he suggests. I look up at him.
"Fine," I assure him. He smiles for some odd reason.
"So you're okay?" he asks to make sure.
I decide to fake it like I have so many times before. I don't know if Otogi ever falls for it, but he's never remarked on my sudden changes in attitude.
"I'm fine, why?" I ask semi-normally.
"Because I have to go," he smirks slightly. "Knowing how bad you must want me to stay, I have to finish some dice tournament applications. The deadline is tomorrow. You'll be okay alone?"
I nod. I'm alive still, aren't I? I think I'll make it well enough, unless Kaiba sends some people over to shoot me in the mouth.
"I'll be fine, I assure you," I say.
"Bye, then. I'll come back as soon as I can, okay?" he asks, making to exit.
"You usually do," I wish him farewell, "And you have a key."
"I do, don't I?" he askes.
I shake my head as he exits. Why is it Otogi seems so hopeless? He's like some great, walking lost cause that just happened to think long enough to invent a game.
I look around the now considerably brighter living room. Now it really does seem a room for one to breathe, relax, and reside in forever. The longer I observe, the more I want to stay; the safer everything looks. There is some clutter and piles of papers, but visitors enjoy going through this mess, and I leave it alone. People think they understand my life better by spying on all my documents. I've walked in on many friends, ranging from Yuugi to Mai and Jounouchi together, comparing notes. I'm so glad to know my personal life is such an interest to them. There's nothing in the piles that is very important though, so it's not like they learn much. Okay, I was born farther south, not in Domino, and I spent six years, after I turned eight, moving around with my father, finally getting dropped off in the city at late fourteen. It means nothing.
Hey, lets read about what he received for his tenth birthday, the receipt is over there.
Yes, the facts and stale details about my life hold people's interest for hours. They leave not knowing that much more about me than when they started. Sometimes they get to find paragraphs I write for essay assignments, works that never made the cut for me. It's funny to see their face drop when the story or information store just ends like my concentration did as I wrote it all. There's nothing terribly personal lying about, I hate writing about myself. Ergo, while it's fun to look through, my piles of junk are nothing but that - piles of junk.
Otogi tried to translate my writing assignments to my personality. It didn't really work. I had written a lot happier than I usually even act outwardly. Everyone had had quite a good laugh at this, but Otogi did come a little close once while reading an analysis of the symbolism in a story I read for class. I had quickly defied his musing with the others to convince them all of this had been wrong. I think Otogi saw right through me, but he was nice enough to not bring it up again.
Now as I look over the Paper Mountains, I wonder just what has collected in the mass. I kick one over to spread the contents across the floor. I find I don't care if it makes a mess. The next person who comes to look through it all will be kind enough to straighten everything.
Finally, past all the grade certificates and grocery lists, I see one very thick sheet of paper. I pick up and realize just what it is made from. Cotton. Expensive.
'To Ryou Bakura;'
"I have arranged etc…etc…"
Seto Kaiba'
It's Kaiba's letter, back from when I was terrified over the businessman's frankness and superiority. I find it almost funny how paranoid I was then till I realize it's not different now. I'm still scared of Kaiba and what he may take his anger out on with the future break up. This is the very reason I'm not leaving the house. If I can lock angry Kaiba out for a while, then I still have some kind of faint hope that everything is okay. Until I know that everything is not okay, I do my best to remain blissfully ignorant as long as possible.
Strangely, if he isn't mad at me, I also don't want to see a sorrowful Kaiba who doesn't care what went wrong and just mopes about doing nothing. That would mean he blames himself when it's obviously my own fault. I couldn't stand having him like that, but if I never know how he is reacting, I'll feel better. So, I stay in the apartment.
I don't know which I'd want to see over the other, furious and bloodthirsty Kaiba or depressed and severely distancing Kaiba. Neither is pleasant. I wish it were Seto Kaiba, the cold, heartless CEO in the corner of the class, looking down on us humans and our petty emotions from his arrogant perch in the sky. The Kaiba who does not know a smile from a smirk and hardly needs to show any emotions but greed, confidence, and self-appreciation.
Too bad the Billionaire/Millionaire/I-Don't-Exactly-Know-Which is human.
Too bad I just found out that no matter how hard I could try to avoid it, surprise; I'm human, too.
I've always known other people had problems in their lives. The fact wasn't just some legend I heard of in moral-rich children stories. But I tried to see if I didn't have problems, if I could blow my issues aside and get over myself. I'm always terrified I will become self-centered in this home alone. I think this has evolved into a breed of some compulsive paranoia. I worry about everyone else and never realize I'm hurting myself until later.
I do hope I can grow out of that horrible trait. It scares me but I could never fully stop. Just like my counting and slight obsessions with inanimate objects and if they can think. I know I'm being foolish, but it is comforting.
Thank God no one really notices.
(The phone is ringing, kid, do something.)
I startle at this and look at the phone on the counter in the oh-so-distant kitchen. Slowly I walk to the sound, wanting to make it stop very badly as it breaks the silence.
"Hello?" I mutter timidly.
"Hello, Bakura? Are you there?"
I bite back a sigh. It's Anzu calling.
"No, I'm just the lobster picking up the phone," I reply. My voice is so flat and dull that she takes the remark literally for a few seconds.
"Oh, well, Bakura?"
"Yeah?"
"All of us are going to hang out in the park and we'd like you to join us. Well, Jounouchi and Yuugi super want you to join us, but I wouldn't mind either. Are you coming?" she asks.
"Yeah," I answer, not very big on words at the moment.
"Hurry up then!" she orders happily and hangs up. I look around the house one more time before going to the door.
Yes, I'm leaving, but only because I was requested to do so. I also happen to know for a fact that Kaiba isn't with all of them because he is at his job, and Jounouchi is presently alive by Anzu's tone. Normally at this time I'm watching Mokuba. I guess everyone found out I'm not working there anymore and decided to let me join all of them.
So, I'm going to the park.
"Hello, Bakura, where have you been all day?" Yuugi asks.
"At home," I answer as he nods in acknowledgement.
"All day?" Jounouchi asks confused and shocked that anyone could keep himself or herself alone so long. I nod at his question.
"Damn, that's a long time by yourself." Honda muses nearby. Again I nod silently. I know I'm not talking much, but when do I ever speak a lot? I'm the silent observer always.
"Don't you get bored?" Anzu asks. Joining the chain of questions about me. I shrug at this, still quiet.
"I'd get tired." Jounouchi tells all of us.
"Well, then you'd go to sleep and we'd all be happy," Honda kids back. Jounouchi glares at him good naturally and smiles as well. I watch from my own little window to the rest of the world.
There's a relaxed silence as Jounouchi and Honda make faces at each other. We watch them in amusement as the expressions become more colorful and random. Yuugi finally bursts out laughing along with Anzu. I force a smile and try to act as normal as possible. I wonder if the façade is even working or everyone just doesn't care too much to really acknowledge it. Right now, I just don't find Jounouchi or Honda quite that hilarious. I find them absolutely boring instead.
"Bakura, are you okay?" Jounouchi asks.
I look at him and now I'm curious why everyone asks if I'm okay. Is it I'm really that sad, that pathetic, that everyone can notice? Am I so terrible at hiding myself? Everyone always wants to know if I'm okay. I'm not, but why do they even ask?
"Fine, Jounouchi," I mutter. I wonder if he was told about the bathroom incident a few days ago? Most likely so, since him and Honda always get that information by Yuugi.
"You know, it's great you aren't working for Kaiba anymore, you get to hang out with us longer, and we are soooo much cooler," Honda says. Jounouchi agrees enthusiastically. I try not to count sidewalk cracks.
"Yes, I do," I agree. I really want to change the subject. "So how are all of you doing?" I ask nicely enough. Since they need to know so much about me, it's proper that they somehow bother to answer since I've been so corporative.
"Couldn't be better," Jounouchi smirks at Honda, who smiles and mouths the word 'Mai', pointing at Jounouchi. I nod knowingly at this new little relationship that's popped up.
"What about you, Yuugi?" I ask my friend quietly. He shrugs and grins at Anzu who is yelling at Honda for some immature remark I missed.
I think Yuugi just tried and succeeded in avoiding my question.
I wonder if him and Kaiba are still together. I wonder if this happens to be the last few hours of my mortal life. I wonder if Kaiba will forgive me for messing with his life.
I wonder a lot. I think I think too much.
I think I think? It almost looks like I'm stuttering. I need more creative chains of thought here past doom, death, and pain.
"Bakura, we're going to get lunch, come on," Anzu orders. I slowly just begin to realize I missed half the conversation.
I follow the others to a fast food restaurant a short distance away. I don't eat at places like this very often, so I don't know what is good and bad. Jounouchi just orders me one of his favorites and I sit down to wait while the others make selections.
I have to wait for the food to arrive. I don't know what it is, but I don't think Jounouchi would request anything too awful. Anzu tells us all about some people at school until the meal arrives. I watch the paper wrapped masses confused.
Inside the package is a plump little burger dripping with grease. Maybe if I squeeze it, the bread will drip like a sponge. I think that if we all got together, the group and me could slap the messes to the wall and see which slides down fastest. The food is nothing like what I usually eat on my own free will. I wonder if it's even safe?
"Eat, Bakura," Jounouchi commands as he attacks his burger. I watch feeling a bit sick.
I stare at my food again. The meal is very, very unbalanced. Before I can reach to touch the grease, a woman walks in. I find my attention suddenly drawn to her. She is about as big as a pony and the cooks/cashiers seem to know her by name.
I suddenly realize what this uneven meal can do in the extremely long term and lose any appetite I've had. I observe as Jounouchi and Honda gorge themselves, and I can't eat.
"Here," I mutter, pushing the burger to them, "Excuse me,' I apologize and rush outside as fast as possible.
"Are you feeling okay, Bakura?" I hear Yuugi ask as he comes out after me.
"Do you really eat that stuff, Yuugi?" I ask as he walks up.
"Yeah, all the time. Why?" I can see Yuugi is very confused at my rejection of his food pyramid. "Is your dad a heath freak or some kind of...vegetarian?"
"No, it's just that, while my father cooks food in oil, he does not soak it," I say a bit sharply.
Yuugi nods knowingly. "So I guess you don't eat fast food much."
I nod. So, he admits it is soaked in fatty sickness.
"So what do you eat when no one's home to scowl your diet?"
"Everything," I grin. "I inhale all my food in seconds and watch TV for hours with candy bars and microwave dinners."
He blinks a few times and grins at the lie, quickly finding the flaw.
"But you don't have a microwave, Bakura, your dad hates them, remember?" Yuugi says, laughing. Hate is too strong a word, though. My father merely disapproves of them.
"Why, were you taking me seriously?" I smart back in return. Yuugi laughs at this and shakes his head.
"Than what do you eat?" he inquires since my last answer wasn't reliable.
"Whatever is in the apartment," I shrug, "I could always go to the store and buy pizza or something if I were really starving. I'm not really into the whole traditional eating habits. My mother would have literally kill me if she found out I liked chocolate ice cream."
"Really? That's funny. Does your father care so much?"
"Not that he's told me when he comes over." I shrug again in the simplicity of the answer.
"But you don't eat burgers?"
"No," I sigh, "They just don't hold much too much appeal over me, sorry."
"Then are you even going to go back in?" he asks, nodding to the restaurant. I shake my head.
"No, I think I'll just go home now, I don't feel very good." I say with an hand over my stomach for emphasis. Yuugi nods.
"I hope you feel better, Bakura," he consoles and heads back to the restaurant.
He hopes I feel better? How does that help me? He's going to break up with Kaiba. What with that makes me relieved in any way? I can't help but smile at the irony at his goodbye as I walk back home.
Maybe after Kaiba kills me I won't feel anything, much less ill or sorrowful.
I missed Otogi's return to my apartment, so I'm by myself again. I find I'm disappointed, but I also do not care and am a bit happy.
Don't even ask.
"Do lobsters eat rice?" I ask my large companion in the sink, because all I've been doing for the past few days is cleaning out his tub again and again. I just found out he's a Maine lobster like the breed found off the east coast of New England, in America. They are supposed to taste good. I wonder how it was for him to be shipped all the way over from the United States to Domino? Or was he raised in a tank somewhere not too far away?
I don't know. I don't speak lobster, remember?
In reply to my previous question, the animal ignores me.
"Is that a yes?" I mock, holding up a ladle full of rice near the water.
The lobster splashes the spoon and me with his tale and snaps his larger attack claw at my arm even though it is impossible for him to reach. I still understand the gesture. He doesn't want the food.
I've noticed a little about the lobster with all my free time and my new habit of eating dinner with it. His two claws are different sizes. One is big and he likes to snap at me with it. The other is small and usually carries food or the chopsticks that sometimes fall into the water. He can grip with both though, as was proven by an unwilling idiot we'll just call Otogi.
I look at my wet clothes and turn to the rice. It is wet with sink/lobster water. There goes my meal for tonight and my rice maker. The machine is wet now and I'll have to clean the dirty water out of it.
"You just ruined an entire day of rice," I complain lightly, "Why would I eat what you've splashed your soiled water all over?"
The animal ignores me again as I throw out the wet food. I need to make something else now and it's already late.
(Have you eaten anything today?)
Yes, I had breakfast, some kind of wheat cereal. That's it. I really wanted to eat just now.
(Then why did you take so long to make yourself dinner?)
I scowl at the voice. He knows the rice maker was broken; it never works when I'm actually hungry.
(Maybe you could eat that lobster?)
I look at the lobster, feeling angry with him and his attack of my meal. I fed him every day, did I not? I made sure he got his food and here he goes, ruining mine. Such disrespect!
"I am mad at you," I tell the lobster. It ignores me.
(Oh that will work, yadonushi, the animal looks terrified. You really put him in his place.)
I blush as I watch the lobster flop around lazily in his world of limited space within a sink. I don't really think it gives a damn about what I have to say.
(I say you kill it.)
I glare at the suggestion. I'm not killing that animal. I can't. I saved it from that.
(Why do you care about a lobster?)
"Will you please ignore me, too? I don't want your opinion," I tell the other self.
"Sure, ignore you like everyone else does, yadonushi."
I look up at the semi-transparent person next to me. I always wondered if I was the only one who could see him like that, next to me and easier to talk to. Yuugi always talks to Yami no Yuugi and I think he's seeing things. It's kind of creepy at times because the spirit is like a ghost and has no reflection in anything. (A)
"Don't say that about them," I reply.
"Why? I think it's true," he sneers at me. I step across the room to the opposite end. I don't like the spirit and am glad he hardly leaves his Sennen Ring these days.
"Awe, you don't want my superior company? I'm afraid you'll have to get over that. I'm always with you, yadonushi, even if we don't quite 'bond' as that foolish Pharaoh classifies his relationship with little Yuugi," he growls, but with all merriment, at me. He likes that he makes me feel crazy. He likes that we'll never be closer than just two strangers trapped in the same head, forever.
"Excuse me," I apologize, going to the living room. I sit on the couch slowly only to find him next to me.
"No!" I exclaim at the sudden appearance. I truly hate it when he does that.
"Surprise!" he mocks me. I'm wondering why he can't just be invisible in my mind again.
I remember perfectly well how he has treated me, and I think when I'm being my true self, I suffer with the memory. You don't know this, but after he started ignoring me, I was glad and very willing just to convince myself he didn't exist. This meant to inter my past behavior and recollections. I'd worry about other people to hide the fear that the Ring spirit would come back as more than the small voice in my mind and hurt everyone.
Look where I am now. I hope he isn't here for good.
"What do you want from me?" I ask slowly. He laughs at my fear.
"You are pathetic. I can't believe I'm going to take over the world through you."
"Can't you go back to wherever you go, please? Can't you just plan your universal domination without terrorizing me?" I beg lightly, staring at the letters and documents on the floor. He turns his head to where I'm staring and picks up the cotton paper from Kaiba. I can see the words through his hands. He scoffs at the note.
"Is this from that new obsession of yours?" He smirks, reading the words, then mimics my voice back at me, "Uh…how…rud-frank. How frank."
I watch at he mocks my thoughts after I first read the letter.
"I can't believe you took this seriously," he says.
I wonder if the spirit should be planning some diabolical plot right now and not bothering me. He must have lots of nothing else to do.
"You agreed to baby-sit a child? Is there something I don't know about your gender?" he asks as I continue to watch the letter silently. "But then, your love interests are male, so I guess I know where you're standing now."
I shift uncomfortably and watch as he holds the letter up. I blink once before he tears it in half. I observe in shock as he turns it into fourths next. Finally it's torn from sixths and eights to little sixteenths and thirty somethings. I'm surprised the spirit has the strength to fold and over lap the thick paper so many times and still be able to rip it. He stretches his arms out over my head and lets the little pieces rain from above and into my hair. I don't move, watching through eyes that are suddenly watering rapidly. He smirks at me and leans back.
"There, now get over that bastard," he says smugly. "I approved of his tactics, but not of you."
I stare at him, gaping. Why did he just do that? That letter was from Kaiba. How could he tear it up? What did I do to him?
"I'm evil, yadonushi, I do these things."
"Why can't you just pretend I'm not here again?" I ask as he sneers again.
"Because then I can't see that priceless expression of shock and terror," he says. Which isn't the real reason, but I never understand his reasons.
I don't even glare; I just look at his snobbish grin and start to hate the spirit more and more.
"You don't realize; I'm trying to help you. Kaiba is not good for you so you have to get over it," he tells me. I still can't see him through forming tears. "You need to toughen up, you little idiot. You're embarrassing me," he growls as I blink the more tears away. I'm not sure of they are for anger, sadness, shame, or all three.
"Can you please leave me alone?" I ask quietly.
"You're being weak. Stop acting so weird around everyone, and get over Kaiba," he growls. He make sit sound easy, like a force of will.
"But they don't like me. I ruined everything. Kaiba will want me dead now," I mutter. The spirit stops and changes his amused expression to that of nothing. I don't know what he's thinking even though he can easily guess my thoughts.
"No, Kaiba cannot kill you or he'll kill me. If he tries to hurt you seriously, I will destroy him. You don't have to worry about dieing anytime soon," he tells me, making it clear I'm an idiot to think so. It is a cold fact. I nod silently. He is in no way trying to comfort me with his words.
"You only want me to stay with Yuugi and everyone so that you can keep the Sennen Puzzle in your sight," I say.
"So? You still need to stop acting like a child. How old are you?" he snaps at me.
"You don't care about anything, so we need at least one of us who does," I say, shaking the paper pieces from my head.
"Will you shut up about this caring and loving stuff? You're pathetic and defenseless," he growls at me, his face turning to anger, "Okay, no one likes you and yes, I only want to keep track of the puzzle. That's all you're good for, keeping the faith with all those little duelists, especially Yuugi Motou. That's your job, get over it, you're a servant, even if I've been out of your idiotic life for a few weeks. I wish I could leave it forever, fool. You are a terrible host."
I look down now as tears fall. Not even the spirit stuck with me wants to stay.
"Go ahead and cry, I'm ending this conversation," he snaps disappearing, going to that place he always is. I don't know where he lives, but it must be very interesting.
I begin to cry slowly, silently. The house is very quite excepting a few gasps and small sobs. Like earlier today, I tuck my knees up. I bury my face in the cloth of my jeans and quietly weep into the rough fabric. I can't believe I'm crying, but I can't stop now. I'm not strong; I should break down more often and not pretend I'm fine.
I hear the phone ringing angrily at me. I see it in my mind, right in the kitchen on the counter. I picture the lobster rising to get it and Anzu on the other line.
Bakura?
"Sorry, this is his lobster; can I take a message?"
What?!
The phone keeps ringing. The machine picks it up faithfully.
"Hello, this is the Bakura residence. Sorry, I can't come to the phone right now, but please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you."
"Bakura, I know you're home, pick up the phone!" a voice on the other end orders. I freeze a moment in my pathetic self loathing.
Seto Kaiba?
"Bakura, if you're resting, get out of bed and answer the phone. You're not a heavy sleeper."
I blink at the kitchen entryway at the voice echoing through the house. Who told Kaiba I was a light sleeper? Only a few people know, but considering how chatty all the people I know are, I suppose they gave him the information. Although why he'd even ask or care to know is beyond me. Kaiba's a gamer. More likely he's just bluffing.
"Bakura, I'll keep yelling till you pick up. Stop ignoring me!"
Slowly I get up and scuffle wearily to the phone.
"Bakura, stop-"
"He-hello?" I stutter quietly, trying to keep my voice from cracking again and wiping away a few new tears.
"Bakura? About time," Kaiba sighs angrily, "What took you so long?"
"It's late," I answer.
"I know. You're probably tired, but I don't know who else...to discuss this matter with."
I intake a quick breath and try to get an answer formed.
"It's really late," I repeat myself sleepily. God, I'm lame.
"But you have to come over. I need to talk to you about something."
"Wh—why?" I ask slowly. I wonder if Yuugi's just dumped him and he wants to yell at me.
"Come over," he commands.
"It's late," I repeat again. I don't know why, but it seems my brain has turned off past that.
"So? I'm sending someone over to bring you."
"Phone?" I ask, not able to get my entire sentence out.
"No, I need to talk to you face-to-face, Bakura."
"Oh," is my creative answer.
"Bye," Kaiba finishes and hangs up. I stare at the receiver dumbly as the dial tone sounds. What just happened? Did I just agree to come over through the phrase 'It's late'? I look at the lobster that appears to be resting. I realize I need to wake up soon or I'll fall asleep at Kaiba's. I open the refrigerator and take out some coffee/tea.
My mother would have me arrested if she found out about my little caffeine drinking concoction. It's really kind of weird. Otogi hates it. Coffee/tea is something I sort of made when Otogi used one of my pots to make coffee. I made water for tea in the container afterwards without knowing. It tasted funny, the tea I made with the little coffee, but it wasn't bad (it was better than straight coffee) and I couldn't get to sleep until one in the morning. I make that stuff all the time now and it keeps me up when I have to study or something. Now I need it to keep myself up before Kaiba's driver comes over.
Slowly, I begin to wake a little more and go to the bathroom to wash my face, as I'm still not in control of my tears. I'm not even that depressed anymore but they don't stop. All the water does on my face is startle me even more awake, not calm me down. I grab a cloth handkerchief and hope it will stop the tears before I reach Kaiba's.
I wonder if I should go to Kaiba's? What if he wants to yell at me for my idiot ideas and great mistake? I might start crying again since I'm already in that state of mind. How does Kaiba treat weak people who fail him? Does he gloat at their defenselessness like my other self? Will the spirit have to banish him for our safety?
I hear the doorbell ring and decide I'm going. I don't have much of a choice.
I know Kaiba is not a pleasant person angry. He frightens me more sometimes than my father. Not the Ring Spirit, though. If I even thought of him when I saw Kaiba, I don't think I would have slightly fallen for him in any way. Kaiba is just strength to me, someone stronger than I am. Even his weaknesses aren't as bad as my own. I'm this great, never-ending blemish you must get a doctor to remove or live with forever. Kaiba is wonderful and useful when not a threat, but now I'm all but petrified with my timid anxiety.
Coming in, I noticed Kaiba gives off a sort of potent danger that vibrates throughout his home. The terrific mansion becomes evil and foreboding as its master inside; vexed at something I think I know.
I see why I'm over and why he wants to talk. He doesn't: he wants to state his anger and disappointment. He has to make sure I know just how badly I've ruined his life.
Can't say I looked forward to this, but I knew it was coming.
"Bakura," Kaiba greets me coldly as I walk into the living room/parlor/whatever you call it. I suppress a shutter and sit down silently. Kaiba looks very tired and troubled over something. Tired or angry, I can't tell which. I don't know what he wants and in short I can say I'm terrified.
"Hello, Kaiba," I almost whisper, watching the floor.
"I think you know why you're here." He jumps right into the topic. I respect that about Kaiba, he doesn't beat around the bush till he forgets what he wants like me. He finds the answers as soon as possible, not delay them to the end.
And now I see it's finally happened. Yuugi has broken up with Kaiba and the businessman blames me. He should, me with my stupid idealism caused all this. Did I really think they would work out, Kaiba and Yuugi? Did I think like some all-knowing being I could put them together and earn some kind of respect in return? The inner me has been too vain.
"I know, Kaiba. Sorry, it's my fault," I reply, still fully addressing the carpet. I can't help but shrink back at his tone. I wonder if there is a hole in the cushions of this giant couch I'm sitting on that leads to an underground tunnel system connected with some rendezvous in Russia. That would be just great right about now.
To my horrible surprise, I realize this was not the answer Kaiba wanted. He pauses slightly in some unsettling contemplation.
"What?" he finally asks, "What do you mean?"
"It's my fault, I'm to blame for all of this."
"How?" he asks. I faintly realize I've confused him again, although this time he thinks I'm just being confusing because I'm an idiot.
I look up quickly. It is my fault, I know it, and he can't see? I took him seriously, and I let him fall for Yuugi a lot farther than his former obsession. Did he think otherwise?
"You had a mild adoration for Yuugi, Kaiba. I let it go further, even though I know it wouldn't have worked. I made this mistake and no apology could earn you or Yuugi's forgiveness." I confess quietly before I'm forced to look back down by my overwhelming sense of shame.
"Are you crying?" he asks. I don't get the question. What does that have to do with anything?
"I'm not crying," I defend childishly. I feel like a little student who is being proved wrong over and over yet is still convince my facts are correct. Kaiba is some kind of almighty demigod just having a bout of curable idiocy with the whole Yuugi thing.
"Your eyes are red," he tells me. His voice is still cold and reprimanding the fact that I may be tearing up from the mighty fear of him many suffer several times in their lives.
"My other self," I answer. Why does he even care? Lets focus on my great downfall now, okay? I planned on repenting my one error, not confessing the ups and downs of my week.
"Did he tell you everything was your fault?" Kaiba growls.
"No, I did because that is true. You didn't do anything to hurt yourself. Yuugi even told me all about his doubts before now. I never hinted it to you. I'm sorry," I apologize, "I really wanted it to work."
"Did you ever believe it would?" he asks a little harshly as it dawns on him that I may just be the one to blame.
"No," I reply truthfully, finding I can't lie to Kaiba now, "But I tried to."
"You lied? At my disadvantage, you lied to yourself?" He growls this silly conviction of mine, and I can't help but see how stupid it really was. I feel like I need to shrivel up and blow away. "Why?" he snaps.
I shift uncomfortably and try not to look up at him. It isn't hard since I don't want to see his face.
"Yesterday when I fired you, you knew it was hopeless, but you didn't tell me. Why?" he demands. I winch and find my voice has run away with my courage.
"You said we weren't compatible. How did you know this? Whom have you been talking to?" he continues.
I watch the floor. I wish my voice and courage hadn't ditched me. They should have taken my entire body with them. I feel very unappreciated by everything now.
"Answer a question, Bakura. Just...pick one," he orders, exasperated.
"I-I don't…." I mutter softly.
"I'm asking simple questions with simple answers. What are you so terrified of?" he asks. His voice sounds once more like that of some fed up teacher where I'm the same student who just can't get the answer.
"My other self," I mutter quietly. I'll blame this on the Ring Spirit.
"Ignore him and tell me why you let me and Yuugi go so far," Kaiba orders. I realize faintly this is actually the first time he directly mentioned Yuugi this entire conversation.
"I, I don't know," I reply, watching the table with such intenseness I think it may move if I will it to.
"I think you had a reason," he scowls. I watch the floor now where it rests right under my feet.
"I…."
"You?" Kaiba says impatiently.
"I thought you wanted that, to be happy with Yuugi," I mutter slowly. I doubt he even hears it.
"Huh?" he asks. He missed it and I don't think I could tell him again. He wants the answer though. Why won't he listen if he wants to know so badly?
"I thought it was, I thought," I repeat. I can't say it once more now, and my voice is trying to run off again.
"Look up and tell me so I can hear, Bakura," he commands. I turn my head as he tries to get me to see him.
"Look up!" he scowls, grabbing my chin rudely and forcing his face into my vision. I pull away quickly, but I'm not fast. I was never fast. I look straight at a frustrated Kaiba.
"I though it was what you wanted; wanted Yuugi, that is, not the lying." I tell him again slowly, staring down again with my eyes and not my head.
"Look up, Bakura," Kaiba orders. I comply, as I did not mean to look away. It was reflex.
"Where you really trying to help me? You took me seriously?" he asks. I don't know why, but I'm filled with terror again.
"Yes, sorry, but it all went wrong. I won't ever again," I apologize.
"I don't need help," he insists. There's almost something defiant about this.
"I know," I mutter. I drop my head and try to see my shoes.
"Bakura," Kaiba warns. I quickly look up, even though my head is still down. I watched in surprise as Kaiba stiffens and tries quickly to summon a glare. I'm scared. What was that?
"Sorry," I apologize.
"Why did you want to help me, Bakura?" he asks. I realize he's not as angry as he was a few minutes ago. Maybe this is a good sign that him and Yuugi are okay after my error.
I shrug at his question, "I help, like Yuugi, only-I usually wait until I'm asked."
"You should," he snaps back. I turn my eyes down again cowardly.
"Bakura," he growls again. Quickly I sit up and face him.
"Sorry."
"What's so hard about looking someone in the eye?" he asks accusingly, like there's something completely wrong with it. There probably is. I shrug cautiously and try not to blink.
"Low self-esteem?" I answer.
"You need more confidence."
"You need more respect," I answer on impulse as he glares.
"You should ask before you become nosy!" he barks, still angry. I jump and scoot away.
"Where are you going?" he asks dangerously.
"Nowhere," I reply, trying to sit back.
"Why are you scared?" Kaiba growls at my fear of him angry. Totally not helping, Kaiba.
"You're stronger than me," I answer, "And you're mad at me."
"So? This is all your fault apparently," he sneers. I can't help but hope the spirit wasn't lying about saving us.
"What are you going to do?" I ask nervously. Kaiba looks at me confused.
"What do you mean?" he asks annoyed.
"Aren't you angry?" I ask, now the one getting confused. "What happens to me now?"
Kaiba blinks a few times coldly before he sneers again. I watch this terrified, wondering what's going on, what he must be planning. He can't kill me, but he must have some other idea.
"I'm not going to do anything to you," he replies.
I don't know of the last time relief and confusion felt the same. I'm safe? Why? Is there some subliminal message I don't see here? Is this one of those 'I spared you, you own me' bits?
"Excuse me, I-I don't understand," I remark in surprise. I came expecting the worst so I wouldn't be disappointed-or I think I did. I suddenly realize maybe I'm too low for Great Kaiba to punish, to even worry about. I'm only here because I knew some things he didn't and, now that he is informed, I'm useless.
That does seem to me something Kaiba would do.
"Do you want me to do something about it?" he asks with what I sense is a slight touch of sarcasm.
"Well-no," I mutter slowly, "But you must be furious, Kaiba."
Kaiba nods at this, "I'm disappointed."
"Disappointed from what?" I ask carefully, trying not to set the billionaire off.
"From what happened," he tells me, "And from you. I didn't think you'd do that kind of matchmaking with people."
"Well, neither did I, if it helps," I offer brightly, hoping to raise Kaiba's mood. He shakes his head at this rejecting the support. I quickly become quiet again.
"I don't know what to do now, Bakura. What would you try to get over a loss?" he asks unhappily. Kaiba's sorrow and angry faces look exactly the same. He must be angry with sorrow when it comes. I feel very sad for him and very stupid for what I did. The guilt quickly rushes in, and I have to try to absolve my mistake somehow.
"I don't know," I shrug. Oh, how very comforting of me, how heartfelt and understanding a reply. What else should I say, eat some pineapple sherbet? I don't think my ideas would hold a lot of appeal or sense.
"What am I suppose to do to forget all this as soon as possible?" he grumbles, a little immaturity echoing in the back of his serious tone, "Maybe I should just worry about Mokuba from now on."
I nod, as I'm not very sure my small vocabulary could produce a sufficient answer. I don't think Mokuba needs a lot of looking after anymore, but if Kaiba insists, I shouldn't stop him. I don't think Mokuba could really survive without money everywhere. Kaiba has completely spoiled the child, but this keeps him alive quite well and satisfies the humanity in him that demands him to care. Maybe the great Mokuba cure will help Kaiba now and it will all be left and forgotten?
Sounds a little too easy for me. I cannot accept that answer because it's too perfect, too simple and fast. I'm never put into situations with such clear-cut solutions.
"You know Mokuba won't go away. He's your caring brother and always there," I say. So, I say nothing really, just agree with him.
"Yes, he is there, but he can't exactly help me," Kaiba says again, staring distantly at the wall or something near it. He looks very tired now. I'm expecting him to yawn. I wonder if Kaiba is having a time of keeping awake? I would be if not for my caffeine.
"But work may help," I suggest timidly. It's not what I want to say, but it seems a safe remark. Kaiba works a lot, and it's the main thing I know about him, so maybe he should do more of that?
"Are you joking?" he growls at me and I start to rethink why I brought up such a crazy idea. Was what I wanted to say really that bad? I dunno, a part of me sees Kaiba a only a businessman, who lives and breathes his work like an obsession. I know it dehumanizes him, but I prefer him dehumanized.
"My job gives me power, but does nothing for me otherwise. It's boring. Magic and Wizards is more interesting, and I've lost at it many times."
I make some random gesture in agreement. So Kaiba wants challenges? Funny. He lost the card challenge to Yuugi as well as the relationship. Knocked over twice by the same person. It's ironic. He almost killed himself over a game he technically lost to Yami no Yuugi and then gets frustrated after obsessing with Yuugi Motou.
"Oh, well I'm really sorry, Kaiba," I say again. Kaiba glares at me in annoyance.
"How many times do you plan on apologizing?" he asks. I blush and look down before remembering I'm not supposed to. Quickly, I look back up again.
(Have you been...trained? Ugh. Why are we still here, yadonushi?)
I freeze. I do really hope that spirit does not come out. He might be planning something.
"Bakura, what was that?" Kaiba asks amid his Yuugi and horrible life griping.
(Are you okay? No, you Have convinced yourself you have a crush on Domino's biggest jerk.)
I bite me lip nervously and wonder if I should leave before the Sennen Ring spirit does…something.
"Bakura?" Kaiba asks again. I don't reply as the spirit is gloating at my apprehension. It's getting on my nerves and biting my conscious. The voice terrifies me always. I have to keep it away from everyone like some horrible relative who's a wreck. It's dangerous to have the spirit mingle with normal people. This explains, and I figure justifies, my solitary life sometimes.
(Maybe you should let me remove us from the depressing conversation/confessional.)
I pale as I feel the other soul try to take control of our body. Quickly I try to push it down and away.
(Fool, let me take care of this.)
My former experience tells me not to permit his control now. Idiot decency does likewise.
"I have to go right now," I whisper. I don't mean to sound so suspicious, but I need to leave soon. It takes a lot of effort to hold back my other self.
"Why?" Kaiba glares at me coldly with anger and an amazing tone of disappointment at my abrupt need to leave him without a reason.
"Sorry, really sorry, but I really have to leave now, Kaiba," I tell him and head for the door quickly.
"Hey!" he yells and rises up against my uncharacteristic rudeness. I sigh and run out and away; thrilled the gate guard is willing to open up for me. He probably only plans on getting me in more trouble, but I don't mind.
"Stop, yadonushi," the cold voice next to my head orders, tripping me once we are far from the mansion. I fall stupidly to the ground and look up terrified at the spirit.
"Why can't I speak with your friend, Bakura?" he asks mockingly, "I'm not that bad, am I?"
Carefully I get up and keep walking. The Spirit keeps pace behind me, talking into my ear.
"You're awfully quiet, mortal," he continue to mock me, "Was it really that bad for you?"
I try to ignore him and keep heading for a blank nowhere. I don't even know where we are, and I don't know if this even perturbs me in the slightest.
"Awe, is your precious little heart breaking?" he croons at me in my right ear, resulting in a turn left to the park entrance.
"The park! So many memories!" he exclaims as I hasten my stride, passing benches at some gait between a walk and a jog.
"How about you sit down, childish one? Try to think," he suggests. To my slight surprise I find I'm willing to comply with this. I walk over to the next wooden bench and sit down. The Spirit laughs comfortably at this and strolls to the nearby bridge.
"Want to drown yourself?" he asks looking down into the slow water, "Want to end it all? Punish yourself for this mess since no one else will? Someone must be smart enough to know you did wrong."
I looked at the spirit. His faded form is leaning over the rail and watching the water mischievously. He seems obsessed with it. There is something horrible running through his mind and I don't think I want to know what it is.
"Hey, has the little one forgotten how to speak?" he mocks me as he turns back.
My eyes drop at this. I'm tired. I'd check my watch if it wouldn't prove such a hassle now. Is there some spell going on I missed putting me to sleep? Is the spirit doing something?
"Feel the need to rest your eyes, yadonushi?" he asks, walking up again. My eyes involuntarily shut for a few seconds before I snap them open.
"Go ahead, slumber; see how I care," he snaps in annoyance as I try to stay up, "Dream about your perfect Seto Kaiba who doesn't exist. I can't believe my reincarnation is so terribly stupid."
I nod quickly as the caffeine wears away. The next second I'm asleep with the spirit laughing at me.
Notes and Stuff:
A: Yami no Yuugi has no reflection. I realized this watching the anime. When him and Yuugi are talking before the mime rushes up, in the water they stand by. Only Yuugi shows up. I wonder if this means Yuugi is crazy and the only one who sees Yami no Yuugi. Yami no Bakura also has these pointed canines. Really pointed canines you can see in the manga when he smiles/sneers/smirks. My dad pointed that out while we where watching anime. I never really did notice it before.
So, I hope all of you are doing okay. I hope you didn't think Seto was too strange. I tried, people, and that's all I can say about it. Forgive me if this is terrible. I am horribly sleep deprived. I think Seto turned out entirely wrong in this. I didn't mean it, serious.
I think everything is bouncing into Seto's attitude. He's getting colder, I've noticed, as the fic progresses. Damn, no, it's entirely wrong! Ryou has to love with him someday. Damn it.
Ling no Yong