The car ride there was absolutely silent. Weiss drove, of course,
with Sydney and Vaughn curled up together in the backseat. Vaughn was
feeling rather weak again and decided to rest his eyes for another moment.
They were a good forty-five minutes away and those minutes were precious
sleep time. Sydney sat straight, one arm propped up against the window and
the other stroking Vaughn's sleep worn hair. The cool glass felt good
against her bare arm and part of her forehead.
"You rest your eyes for a little while, okay? I'll wake you when we get there?" Sydney coaxed his down and felt his head hit her lap softly.
His speech started to mumble again and his eyes started to lose their battle against sleep. His body was so sore from doing absolutely nothing and he almost felt like bed sores were threatening to appear along his back. He couldn't stand the feeling of his tight skin wand wanted to escape it so desperately. It felt dry and refused to stretch to fit his form. He groaned softly as he fought against himself to sleep for a few more minutes. His mind was racing, however. He didn't know what to expect at the Joint Ops Center and he still couldn't believe that Sydney was so close to him.
As tossing and turning for probably five solid minutes, his movement ceased and his breathing became more regular. His breath tickled her thighs as he curled up close into the fetal position. He was deep into whatever sleep he was in and it was obviously dreamless. He didn't move or bother to stir the entire ride. It was all the same to Sydney. She was completely lost in herself, trying to figure out all of the emotions going on in her head. Regardless, her hand kept going threw his hair. Her eyes fluttered slightly and she felt so insanely overwhelmed. It was too much to deal with at once. She tried to make sense of it all. She wanted nothing more than to sink into the black interior of the car and hide there until the whole world stopped turning. She just needed everything to stop moving so quickly.
Why did someone so close to Vaughn had to die and why now? It would be too much for him to deal with. Any sane person would collapse and be sent into a mental ward the moment they were forced to deal with even half of what Vaughn had to deal with. She felt herself breaking with the news that she was keeping from him. She too was uncomfortable in her skin. It felt tight and foreign and each movement made it worse than before. Her body wriggled awkwardly. She sighed heavily and adjusted her head so that she could at his sleeping form. He looked so peaceful, curled up in her lap. She continued to caress his face as Weiss looked into the review mirror at them. He smiled lightly at the sight of Sydney finally happy.
When there was a little ways to go in their little journey, Weiss finally spoke up tentatively, "So I'm guessing you two made up?"
She was snapped out of her reverie quickly and startled by the harsh reality that suddenly faced her. Her eyes moved away from the window and she moved her arm away the cool window. She inhaled sharply and tried to get herself to answer coherently, "Wha? Yeah, yeah I guess. I guess you could say that." Her voice replied uneasily. She felt a smile play on her lips as she leaned forward and kissed his hairline gently. "I didn't realize how much I missed him." A sober expression cast over her face and she licked her lips and attempted to plunge back into her thoughts. She just wanted to sort everything out.
Weiss obviously didn't share the same sentiment, "No offense, Syd, but you were not fun to work with for the past couple of months." He smiled a little into the rear view mirror. He wanted so desperately to lighten the mood for both of their sakes. The male agent was going insane from all the 'drama' going down. He sighed uncomfortably as the air got very heavy and smothering. It was amazing how thick oppressing bright sunny air could be. The LA smog seemed worse than ever and Weiss was waiting for the car to implode. It was his term to shift uncomfortably in his seat.
The smile grew a little bit as she realized how right he was, "Yeah I know. But hey, you got to see the other side of me. Not many people got to see the bitchy Sydney." Her head turned to stare out the window again, hoping to end the conversation but no such luck. As soon as she went to descend into herself when Weiss spoke up. She grimaced as the sound of his voice sounded. She didn't mean to be rude but she did have a lot, a lot, a lot to sort out. Her eyes shot towards Weiss in an exhausted manner.
Weiss raised his eyebrows in disbelief, "You are kidding me, right? I mean, c'mon Syd. You were like that for ten months. That's a really long time and a lot of people to come encounter with."
Sydney sank further back into her seat and changed her sight line to out the window, not really caring about the conversation or what Weiss thought of her. She could still look out the window and talk to him at the same time. The sky had clouded over and rain threatened overhead. She almost wished it would rain. They had been raging through a heat wave for about three weeks now and the refreshing teardrops of the sky were desperately needed. She continued to stroke his forehead as she thought of the difficulties she had faced over the past few months. Things had gotten difficult for her. "It was tough. I never depended on anyone before and then all of a sudden, I found myself dependant on him."
She drew quiet for a moment, "And as soon as he left, I became really depressed. I mean, really depressed." She withdrew her hands from Vaughn's face and crossed her arms over her chest, tracing the vein on the inside of left elbow with her fingertip. She felt her heart beating cautiously in her veins. Her eyes looked down upon familiar spot that always seemed to soothe her. It was a strange habit she had picked up not too long ago and it had stuck. "I had a breakdown and it got harder and harder to get up in the morning. I had to do something to snap myself out of it and nothing seemed to be working. And of course, if the agency found out-I would have been suspended." Her voice grew hoarse as the subject became more and more sensitive.
Weiss had stopped at a red light and turned around to face her. He was obviously worried and felt so old and mature at that moment. There was fear racing through his head as he watched Sydney trace the vein in her arm. Was it possible that she had turned to drugs? No, she would never do anything like that. She cared too much about her career and the well-being of others to turn to something like that. He wanted so much to open his mouth and beg a response from her but absolutely couldn't.
He felt an overwhelming surge of emotions as the cars around him began to honk. The light had turned green moments earlier and he was too wrapped up in emotional distress to notice. Rather unwillingly, he turned back and continued the long drive towards the Ops Center. His foot pressed down on the gas gingerly as he tried to sort out of his emotions. Everything was running around his head and it seemed like nothing could ever sort its way out. "Syd, you didn't-I mean, you didn't-"
She knew what she was thinking and shook her head, "Turn to drugs?" She smirked ruefully.
"Yeah." Weiss managed to gasp, gripping the steering wheel that much harder. His sight line darted back and forth between the road and the rearview mirror.
Sydney bit down on her lip hard before answering, "I thought about it."
"What?"
"Yeah. I thought about drugs. A lot. I even found some old pain pills from an old injury. Actually, they were from when my mother shot me. Anyway, I had them in my hand for the longest time and..and," She opened her palm and starred down at it for a long time, "They seemed so small and it seemed so easy. Just pop the pills and call it day. It would go away for at least a few hours. They were so small. So innocent looking. Do you know that they were pink? Of all the colors of the world; they were pink."
She closed her palm and placed it back on the nape of Vaughn's neck. She let her eyes rest on his motionless form, "I just sat in my kitchen for the longest time and thought about everything. And then my cat...the one that Vaughn gave me, Shiva, jumped into my lap and she brought me back. I realized that I was still living. That I had something that depended on me and I couldn't let that change. I mean, I know that she's only a cat but I still felt like I was in charge of her. So, I threw myself into my work." She ended her little speech with a matter of fact tone and inhaled deeply. A sudden flood of emotions took her over as she remembered the past. She was so emotional around him and felt like there were always such things going around when he was involved. But that was the way their relationship had always gone.
"So you didn't take the pills?"
Sydney smiled down at Vaughn, "No."
"So, how did you snap out it?"
Sydney thought about this for a long time before she answered. "I'll letcha know when I do."
He still couldn't get over the pill thing, "You were really going to take those pills?"
"It seemed like such an easy out. You know, before I never understood how people became drug addicts or alcoholics or anything like that. And then suddenly, there I was with pills in one hand and a new bottle of alcohol in the cabinet. It was so funny, actually. I couldn't decide to get drunk or take the pills. My mind kept switching back and forth." She smiled and laughed a little, "But the pills seemed easier. I had taken the hard way so many times that for once, I wanted to do something the easy way. One swallow and within the hour, the whole world would melt away." She paused as she swallowed down-hard. Weiss opened his mouth to continue but she held up her hand to stop him, "I went to swallow them. I had them in my mouth and I realized that I didn't like taking the easy way out. I sat in my kitchen for hours and tried to psychoanalyze myself and figure out what exactly I was falling apart over and why etc. I was falling apart over love." Her face twisted in a disgusted form, "And love is never worth falling apart over."
Weiss didn't know how to react, "How can you say that?"
"Because it's true!" She exclaimed.
"Sydney! Stop talking like this! You're not be rational."
She sat up in absolute defiance and started to feel anger pulse through her veins. "I am being perfectly rational." She defended herself, "I was always one of those girls in high school that never believed in high school love, probably because I was never in love in high school. Then, I believed in college, there was no such thing as love. Then, I met Noah and everything changed and then Noah left me and Danny came into my life. When Danny died, I stopped believing and when Vaughn really started to play a role in my life, jeez, I started to believe again. And as soon as he left me, I stopped believing. My life is a vicious cycle. I believed and then I don't and then I do and then I don't. It's absolutely horrible. But sooner or later, it has to stop and I'm determined to make sure that when it does, I believe."
Wow. Two speeches in five minutes? That was pretty impressive considering she hadn't spoken too much over the last couple of months. She had withdrawn from the world and hated everything in it. She felt rather bad, actually. She had taken a lot of anger and resentment that felt towards Vaughn out on Weiss. She knew that Weiss knew what was going on with him and yet, he still refused to give any details. Guilt took over as she looked up from her love.
"So, do you believe yet?"
"I feel like a five year old being asked if she believes in fairies."
"Do you believe yet?" Weiss asked, getting slightly sentimental as they approached the looming Joint Task Force Op Center. The black exterior stood against the sky like some looming dark being.
"That's pretty unclear right now." Three times was enough for one lifetime. She sighed heavily.
Silence coated them once again. Sydney sank into her thoughts and finally realized that there was a reason why she and Vaughn were brought back together. It had to be fate or something like that. Things like that didn't just happen. There *had* to be something or someone behind that but that was a whole other thought process in itself. Next on her thought agenda, Vaughn would get through the death of this loved one. She couldn't get over that someone so close had died but she had a feeling that he would rise above this. Okay, what was next? She sighed heavily and closed her eyes as her brain wracked for the needed answers.
Weiss spoke up again after a few more minute of silence. His voice sounded raspy and grave, "It was pretty tough on everyone.Mike's leaving. I lost my best friend for a while. I mean, grant it, I was with him more than ever but he was different. He was quiet and lost. I never could put my finger on it. It's like he ran out of life. I think he lost his will the day he found out that the only treatment was in New York."
Sydney nodded in agreement and let silence endure for a long time. "All those messages I got, I honestly thought he was drunk all of those times. He sounded so out of it and disconnected with reality. He kept proclaiming how much he loved me and how he still wanted us to be together. I just assumed it was the booze talking. Why didn't I see this coming? I'm trained in this type of stuff and yet, I still couldn't see that he was dying in front of my eyes? He had to have been diagnosed before he left."
"He was diagnosed," he paused as calculated the time quickly in his head, "eighteen months ago."
"So he knew he was sick for eight months and didn't tell me?" She cried, out of anger.
"He didn't want you to worry. You were busy with all of your assignments and tracking down Sloane, your mother, and Sark were your priority. He didn't want you to worry."
She honestly didn't have the energy to follow through with the logical response about how he didn't have to worry..that she would have taken on the extra weight of his worries and manage to come out the other side. There was a long list of explanations but she suddenly found her brain pushing into overload with all of the surges of information and the emotional peaks of the day.
Weiss pressed further, "Well, I know that Michael never stopped loving you. Every single day, he talked about how much he loved you." Weiss said soberly and started to pull into the parking lot. Reaching across the passenger seat, he grabbed his cell phone, "Hey, it's Agent Eric Weiss. I'm going to need a wheelchair...uh-huh...sure..lot 4? Okay." And he promptly hung up.
Sydney focused on the passing cement barricades that flew past her black tinted window. Time had really gone fast. She didn't' realize how long and hard she had gone into her memory bank. Those were cold and lonely journeys she took sometimes when she felt really down and out. Her memory was so extensively filled with heartache and pain that it sometimes hurt less to be shot I the shoulder. She felt her heart beat faster in her chest and her palms get sweatier than before. She tried so hard to snap out of this nervous state that threatened to destroy her at that very moment. The car stopped near the nearest entrance. The car was thrown into park and promptly turned off. "You better wake him up."
Sydney smiled a little reply and leaned forward into her lap, brushing her lips against his forehead, "Sweetie." she cooed softly, "you gotta wake up." Her lips brushed further down and lightly touched his lips. G-d, she missed waking him up like this. Every morning for six months, they would awake at 5:30 and go for their morning run together. Being home by 6:15, at the latest, she would take her shower first, kiss him in transit as he went to take his shower, put up a fresh pot of coffee, start her morning routine of hair and make-up and by 7, sit down for breakfast with him. It was a nice little routine she had gotten used to and feeling that brush of their lips after nearly a year, she felt all those old emotions of love overpower her. "C'mon, sweetie, you gotta wake up. We're here."
His eyes fluttered open and gleamed back into hers, "Hi." He managed to speak, hearing how hoarse his voice sounded.
"Hey." She grinned back and kissed him the cheek gingerly. "C'mon, we're here." She gently started to entice him to sit up and start to move out of the car. He moved slowly and still obviously felt ill.
"Where's here?" His voice sounded so groggy and his eyes fluttered against the light. He sat up and looked around the cement parking garage rather confused. He stretched and fixed himself, clearing his throat as he looked at her expectantly.
"We're at the Joint Op Center." She replied soberly and held onto the door as Weiss wheeled into a narrow parking spot.
"Okay kiddies, we're here!" The driver managed to smile and promptly jumped from the car.
A swarm of agents that looked all of twelve rushed towards the car. In all honesty, there were probably about four agents who were in the early twenties. It was an absolute blur after that. Agents were opening doors and escorting Weiss, Sydney, and Vaughn in all different directions. The three agents didn't know where to turn first and were rushed with great speed towards the heart of the Ops center. Sydney trotted at his side as Vaughn was pushed in a wheelchair by a young looking female agent. They didn't dare speak to each other or touch each other. The only physical contact they had was in the elevator. As the steady car rose countless flights, Sydney's hand brushed over Vaughn and gripped it tightly. He struggled with a severe case of fatigue, brought on by the sleeping pill.
Vaughn swallowed down hard and desperately reached for some comfort. He hadn't been there in such a long time and it seemed so unnatural for him to be there at that particular moment in time.
The elevator stopped and before them was a familiar sight to all. There was the hallway that Vaughn had chased Sydney down after he was cured from Irinia's illness. Vaughn swallowed hard as all the memories came back to him in the worst way. A knot swelled in his throat and he desperately tried to avoid his emotions and concentrate on what was going on.
Sydney strode proudly beside him, putting on the typical Bristow air. She starred straight ahead, ignoring the blank stares of those who passed her. She had grown into a legend and people were honored to work with her. She didn't know it, though. All she wanted was to get her job done, survive to end of the day, and get the guy in the end. The latter part was the most important part. She internally bit down hard on her lip to keep her composure. Her heels snapped along the black tiles beneath her. Her eyes were focused on whatever was in front of. Finally, after much walking and turning corners, they reached the center. There were two very serious looking men, obviously ready to jump down the other's throat at a moment notice.
"Dad!" Sydney called from across the room and watched the more robust of the two men turn around to face her.
"Sydney." He walked towards her and then at Vaughn, "Mr. Vaughn, how are you feeling?"
He struggled to sit up a little higher, "I'm better, sir." His voice was still groggy from sleep but he attempted to sound more confident. Jack turned to walk away, satisfied with that answer when Vaughn called out, "What was I called in for?"
He sighed heavily and looked at Sydney and Weiss, "Why don't we all sit down?" He motioned to the desk and found a sturdy looking chair nearby. He looked the man over that had broken his daughter's heart. What was so wonderful about him that made Sydney fall in love with him? He was good looking, Jack would grant him that, but he was weak at heart and often let his heart rule his head. He was just like his father in so many ways. Jack's eyes narrowed down as he let his body recline.
"Good idea." Weiss piped up and found a nearby desk chair. He collapsed into it full heartedly and smiled at the comfort of his familiar seat. Sydney propped herself on the desk and starred down at her crossed ankles. She knew what was coming and braced herself for the sudden impact. She couldn't bring herself to watch the expression on Vaughn's face.
"What's going on?" Vaughn asked again. He looked to Sydney, who refused to return gaze, "Sydney?" She bit her lip and turned towards her father, almost pretending not to hear. "Jack, what's going on?"
Director Kendal had noticed the little gathering nearby and walked over, looking very overpowering and intimidating as he stood over them. His face was drawn and pale as he looked seriously at Vaughn. Was there a hint of compassion in his eyes? "Agent Vaughn, nice to you see you again."
Vaughn was slightly taken aback by this and didn't exactly know what to say. Kendal was actually being nice to him, "Likewise, sir." He paused slightly to catch his breath that started to ache in his chest, "Why did you insist that I come in?"
Jack and Kendal both shared worried look but Jack spoke first, "Mr. Vaughn, you, Sydney, and Agent Weiss are going to be leaving on a mission to Fleury, France in an hour. The plane is loaded and you'll receive op tech onboard. There will be two combined missions to this. For the first one, Mr. Weiss will be on point and you, Mr. Vaughn, will be in the field with Sydney." The trademark Bristow stare took over, "This is going to be a difficult mission, considering that you've been out of the field for quite sometime..The piggy back mission, Mr. Vaughn, you will have Sydney on a comm. link. This is going to one of the most difficult missions for you, Mr. Vaughn." He let his voice trail off, uncharacteristically as he thought of the ramifications of these next few words. "But you must go."
Vaughn didn't know what to do and felt completely flustered, "Why?" He felt his heart begin to pound and his body start to sweat. He wished he was well enough to run out of that room faster than any man alive. Something in the pit of his stomach said something was undeniably wrong. He reached up and groped for Sydney's hand. She offered it and clutched his tightly, feeling the pain he felt surge through her body. She ignored the looks she got from both of her superiors. All of those solutions she had come to completely went out the window.
Jack sighed and looked at his daughter out of desperation. Taking a deep breath again, he spoke softly, "A relative of yours has been killed and we think it has something to do with one of your connections."
A semi-truck hit him at full force and he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach hard. He never wanted his job to affect anyone else's life but his own. Feeling tears rush towards his eyes, he managed to gasp, "Anyone but my mother. Please tell me it's *not* my mother."
"You rest your eyes for a little while, okay? I'll wake you when we get there?" Sydney coaxed his down and felt his head hit her lap softly.
His speech started to mumble again and his eyes started to lose their battle against sleep. His body was so sore from doing absolutely nothing and he almost felt like bed sores were threatening to appear along his back. He couldn't stand the feeling of his tight skin wand wanted to escape it so desperately. It felt dry and refused to stretch to fit his form. He groaned softly as he fought against himself to sleep for a few more minutes. His mind was racing, however. He didn't know what to expect at the Joint Ops Center and he still couldn't believe that Sydney was so close to him.
As tossing and turning for probably five solid minutes, his movement ceased and his breathing became more regular. His breath tickled her thighs as he curled up close into the fetal position. He was deep into whatever sleep he was in and it was obviously dreamless. He didn't move or bother to stir the entire ride. It was all the same to Sydney. She was completely lost in herself, trying to figure out all of the emotions going on in her head. Regardless, her hand kept going threw his hair. Her eyes fluttered slightly and she felt so insanely overwhelmed. It was too much to deal with at once. She tried to make sense of it all. She wanted nothing more than to sink into the black interior of the car and hide there until the whole world stopped turning. She just needed everything to stop moving so quickly.
Why did someone so close to Vaughn had to die and why now? It would be too much for him to deal with. Any sane person would collapse and be sent into a mental ward the moment they were forced to deal with even half of what Vaughn had to deal with. She felt herself breaking with the news that she was keeping from him. She too was uncomfortable in her skin. It felt tight and foreign and each movement made it worse than before. Her body wriggled awkwardly. She sighed heavily and adjusted her head so that she could at his sleeping form. He looked so peaceful, curled up in her lap. She continued to caress his face as Weiss looked into the review mirror at them. He smiled lightly at the sight of Sydney finally happy.
When there was a little ways to go in their little journey, Weiss finally spoke up tentatively, "So I'm guessing you two made up?"
She was snapped out of her reverie quickly and startled by the harsh reality that suddenly faced her. Her eyes moved away from the window and she moved her arm away the cool window. She inhaled sharply and tried to get herself to answer coherently, "Wha? Yeah, yeah I guess. I guess you could say that." Her voice replied uneasily. She felt a smile play on her lips as she leaned forward and kissed his hairline gently. "I didn't realize how much I missed him." A sober expression cast over her face and she licked her lips and attempted to plunge back into her thoughts. She just wanted to sort everything out.
Weiss obviously didn't share the same sentiment, "No offense, Syd, but you were not fun to work with for the past couple of months." He smiled a little into the rear view mirror. He wanted so desperately to lighten the mood for both of their sakes. The male agent was going insane from all the 'drama' going down. He sighed uncomfortably as the air got very heavy and smothering. It was amazing how thick oppressing bright sunny air could be. The LA smog seemed worse than ever and Weiss was waiting for the car to implode. It was his term to shift uncomfortably in his seat.
The smile grew a little bit as she realized how right he was, "Yeah I know. But hey, you got to see the other side of me. Not many people got to see the bitchy Sydney." Her head turned to stare out the window again, hoping to end the conversation but no such luck. As soon as she went to descend into herself when Weiss spoke up. She grimaced as the sound of his voice sounded. She didn't mean to be rude but she did have a lot, a lot, a lot to sort out. Her eyes shot towards Weiss in an exhausted manner.
Weiss raised his eyebrows in disbelief, "You are kidding me, right? I mean, c'mon Syd. You were like that for ten months. That's a really long time and a lot of people to come encounter with."
Sydney sank further back into her seat and changed her sight line to out the window, not really caring about the conversation or what Weiss thought of her. She could still look out the window and talk to him at the same time. The sky had clouded over and rain threatened overhead. She almost wished it would rain. They had been raging through a heat wave for about three weeks now and the refreshing teardrops of the sky were desperately needed. She continued to stroke his forehead as she thought of the difficulties she had faced over the past few months. Things had gotten difficult for her. "It was tough. I never depended on anyone before and then all of a sudden, I found myself dependant on him."
She drew quiet for a moment, "And as soon as he left, I became really depressed. I mean, really depressed." She withdrew her hands from Vaughn's face and crossed her arms over her chest, tracing the vein on the inside of left elbow with her fingertip. She felt her heart beating cautiously in her veins. Her eyes looked down upon familiar spot that always seemed to soothe her. It was a strange habit she had picked up not too long ago and it had stuck. "I had a breakdown and it got harder and harder to get up in the morning. I had to do something to snap myself out of it and nothing seemed to be working. And of course, if the agency found out-I would have been suspended." Her voice grew hoarse as the subject became more and more sensitive.
Weiss had stopped at a red light and turned around to face her. He was obviously worried and felt so old and mature at that moment. There was fear racing through his head as he watched Sydney trace the vein in her arm. Was it possible that she had turned to drugs? No, she would never do anything like that. She cared too much about her career and the well-being of others to turn to something like that. He wanted so much to open his mouth and beg a response from her but absolutely couldn't.
He felt an overwhelming surge of emotions as the cars around him began to honk. The light had turned green moments earlier and he was too wrapped up in emotional distress to notice. Rather unwillingly, he turned back and continued the long drive towards the Ops Center. His foot pressed down on the gas gingerly as he tried to sort out of his emotions. Everything was running around his head and it seemed like nothing could ever sort its way out. "Syd, you didn't-I mean, you didn't-"
She knew what she was thinking and shook her head, "Turn to drugs?" She smirked ruefully.
"Yeah." Weiss managed to gasp, gripping the steering wheel that much harder. His sight line darted back and forth between the road and the rearview mirror.
Sydney bit down on her lip hard before answering, "I thought about it."
"What?"
"Yeah. I thought about drugs. A lot. I even found some old pain pills from an old injury. Actually, they were from when my mother shot me. Anyway, I had them in my hand for the longest time and..and," She opened her palm and starred down at it for a long time, "They seemed so small and it seemed so easy. Just pop the pills and call it day. It would go away for at least a few hours. They were so small. So innocent looking. Do you know that they were pink? Of all the colors of the world; they were pink."
She closed her palm and placed it back on the nape of Vaughn's neck. She let her eyes rest on his motionless form, "I just sat in my kitchen for the longest time and thought about everything. And then my cat...the one that Vaughn gave me, Shiva, jumped into my lap and she brought me back. I realized that I was still living. That I had something that depended on me and I couldn't let that change. I mean, I know that she's only a cat but I still felt like I was in charge of her. So, I threw myself into my work." She ended her little speech with a matter of fact tone and inhaled deeply. A sudden flood of emotions took her over as she remembered the past. She was so emotional around him and felt like there were always such things going around when he was involved. But that was the way their relationship had always gone.
"So you didn't take the pills?"
Sydney smiled down at Vaughn, "No."
"So, how did you snap out it?"
Sydney thought about this for a long time before she answered. "I'll letcha know when I do."
He still couldn't get over the pill thing, "You were really going to take those pills?"
"It seemed like such an easy out. You know, before I never understood how people became drug addicts or alcoholics or anything like that. And then suddenly, there I was with pills in one hand and a new bottle of alcohol in the cabinet. It was so funny, actually. I couldn't decide to get drunk or take the pills. My mind kept switching back and forth." She smiled and laughed a little, "But the pills seemed easier. I had taken the hard way so many times that for once, I wanted to do something the easy way. One swallow and within the hour, the whole world would melt away." She paused as she swallowed down-hard. Weiss opened his mouth to continue but she held up her hand to stop him, "I went to swallow them. I had them in my mouth and I realized that I didn't like taking the easy way out. I sat in my kitchen for hours and tried to psychoanalyze myself and figure out what exactly I was falling apart over and why etc. I was falling apart over love." Her face twisted in a disgusted form, "And love is never worth falling apart over."
Weiss didn't know how to react, "How can you say that?"
"Because it's true!" She exclaimed.
"Sydney! Stop talking like this! You're not be rational."
She sat up in absolute defiance and started to feel anger pulse through her veins. "I am being perfectly rational." She defended herself, "I was always one of those girls in high school that never believed in high school love, probably because I was never in love in high school. Then, I believed in college, there was no such thing as love. Then, I met Noah and everything changed and then Noah left me and Danny came into my life. When Danny died, I stopped believing and when Vaughn really started to play a role in my life, jeez, I started to believe again. And as soon as he left me, I stopped believing. My life is a vicious cycle. I believed and then I don't and then I do and then I don't. It's absolutely horrible. But sooner or later, it has to stop and I'm determined to make sure that when it does, I believe."
Wow. Two speeches in five minutes? That was pretty impressive considering she hadn't spoken too much over the last couple of months. She had withdrawn from the world and hated everything in it. She felt rather bad, actually. She had taken a lot of anger and resentment that felt towards Vaughn out on Weiss. She knew that Weiss knew what was going on with him and yet, he still refused to give any details. Guilt took over as she looked up from her love.
"So, do you believe yet?"
"I feel like a five year old being asked if she believes in fairies."
"Do you believe yet?" Weiss asked, getting slightly sentimental as they approached the looming Joint Task Force Op Center. The black exterior stood against the sky like some looming dark being.
"That's pretty unclear right now." Three times was enough for one lifetime. She sighed heavily.
Silence coated them once again. Sydney sank into her thoughts and finally realized that there was a reason why she and Vaughn were brought back together. It had to be fate or something like that. Things like that didn't just happen. There *had* to be something or someone behind that but that was a whole other thought process in itself. Next on her thought agenda, Vaughn would get through the death of this loved one. She couldn't get over that someone so close had died but she had a feeling that he would rise above this. Okay, what was next? She sighed heavily and closed her eyes as her brain wracked for the needed answers.
Weiss spoke up again after a few more minute of silence. His voice sounded raspy and grave, "It was pretty tough on everyone.Mike's leaving. I lost my best friend for a while. I mean, grant it, I was with him more than ever but he was different. He was quiet and lost. I never could put my finger on it. It's like he ran out of life. I think he lost his will the day he found out that the only treatment was in New York."
Sydney nodded in agreement and let silence endure for a long time. "All those messages I got, I honestly thought he was drunk all of those times. He sounded so out of it and disconnected with reality. He kept proclaiming how much he loved me and how he still wanted us to be together. I just assumed it was the booze talking. Why didn't I see this coming? I'm trained in this type of stuff and yet, I still couldn't see that he was dying in front of my eyes? He had to have been diagnosed before he left."
"He was diagnosed," he paused as calculated the time quickly in his head, "eighteen months ago."
"So he knew he was sick for eight months and didn't tell me?" She cried, out of anger.
"He didn't want you to worry. You were busy with all of your assignments and tracking down Sloane, your mother, and Sark were your priority. He didn't want you to worry."
She honestly didn't have the energy to follow through with the logical response about how he didn't have to worry..that she would have taken on the extra weight of his worries and manage to come out the other side. There was a long list of explanations but she suddenly found her brain pushing into overload with all of the surges of information and the emotional peaks of the day.
Weiss pressed further, "Well, I know that Michael never stopped loving you. Every single day, he talked about how much he loved you." Weiss said soberly and started to pull into the parking lot. Reaching across the passenger seat, he grabbed his cell phone, "Hey, it's Agent Eric Weiss. I'm going to need a wheelchair...uh-huh...sure..lot 4? Okay." And he promptly hung up.
Sydney focused on the passing cement barricades that flew past her black tinted window. Time had really gone fast. She didn't' realize how long and hard she had gone into her memory bank. Those were cold and lonely journeys she took sometimes when she felt really down and out. Her memory was so extensively filled with heartache and pain that it sometimes hurt less to be shot I the shoulder. She felt her heart beat faster in her chest and her palms get sweatier than before. She tried so hard to snap out of this nervous state that threatened to destroy her at that very moment. The car stopped near the nearest entrance. The car was thrown into park and promptly turned off. "You better wake him up."
Sydney smiled a little reply and leaned forward into her lap, brushing her lips against his forehead, "Sweetie." she cooed softly, "you gotta wake up." Her lips brushed further down and lightly touched his lips. G-d, she missed waking him up like this. Every morning for six months, they would awake at 5:30 and go for their morning run together. Being home by 6:15, at the latest, she would take her shower first, kiss him in transit as he went to take his shower, put up a fresh pot of coffee, start her morning routine of hair and make-up and by 7, sit down for breakfast with him. It was a nice little routine she had gotten used to and feeling that brush of their lips after nearly a year, she felt all those old emotions of love overpower her. "C'mon, sweetie, you gotta wake up. We're here."
His eyes fluttered open and gleamed back into hers, "Hi." He managed to speak, hearing how hoarse his voice sounded.
"Hey." She grinned back and kissed him the cheek gingerly. "C'mon, we're here." She gently started to entice him to sit up and start to move out of the car. He moved slowly and still obviously felt ill.
"Where's here?" His voice sounded so groggy and his eyes fluttered against the light. He sat up and looked around the cement parking garage rather confused. He stretched and fixed himself, clearing his throat as he looked at her expectantly.
"We're at the Joint Op Center." She replied soberly and held onto the door as Weiss wheeled into a narrow parking spot.
"Okay kiddies, we're here!" The driver managed to smile and promptly jumped from the car.
A swarm of agents that looked all of twelve rushed towards the car. In all honesty, there were probably about four agents who were in the early twenties. It was an absolute blur after that. Agents were opening doors and escorting Weiss, Sydney, and Vaughn in all different directions. The three agents didn't know where to turn first and were rushed with great speed towards the heart of the Ops center. Sydney trotted at his side as Vaughn was pushed in a wheelchair by a young looking female agent. They didn't dare speak to each other or touch each other. The only physical contact they had was in the elevator. As the steady car rose countless flights, Sydney's hand brushed over Vaughn and gripped it tightly. He struggled with a severe case of fatigue, brought on by the sleeping pill.
Vaughn swallowed down hard and desperately reached for some comfort. He hadn't been there in such a long time and it seemed so unnatural for him to be there at that particular moment in time.
The elevator stopped and before them was a familiar sight to all. There was the hallway that Vaughn had chased Sydney down after he was cured from Irinia's illness. Vaughn swallowed hard as all the memories came back to him in the worst way. A knot swelled in his throat and he desperately tried to avoid his emotions and concentrate on what was going on.
Sydney strode proudly beside him, putting on the typical Bristow air. She starred straight ahead, ignoring the blank stares of those who passed her. She had grown into a legend and people were honored to work with her. She didn't know it, though. All she wanted was to get her job done, survive to end of the day, and get the guy in the end. The latter part was the most important part. She internally bit down hard on her lip to keep her composure. Her heels snapped along the black tiles beneath her. Her eyes were focused on whatever was in front of. Finally, after much walking and turning corners, they reached the center. There were two very serious looking men, obviously ready to jump down the other's throat at a moment notice.
"Dad!" Sydney called from across the room and watched the more robust of the two men turn around to face her.
"Sydney." He walked towards her and then at Vaughn, "Mr. Vaughn, how are you feeling?"
He struggled to sit up a little higher, "I'm better, sir." His voice was still groggy from sleep but he attempted to sound more confident. Jack turned to walk away, satisfied with that answer when Vaughn called out, "What was I called in for?"
He sighed heavily and looked at Sydney and Weiss, "Why don't we all sit down?" He motioned to the desk and found a sturdy looking chair nearby. He looked the man over that had broken his daughter's heart. What was so wonderful about him that made Sydney fall in love with him? He was good looking, Jack would grant him that, but he was weak at heart and often let his heart rule his head. He was just like his father in so many ways. Jack's eyes narrowed down as he let his body recline.
"Good idea." Weiss piped up and found a nearby desk chair. He collapsed into it full heartedly and smiled at the comfort of his familiar seat. Sydney propped herself on the desk and starred down at her crossed ankles. She knew what was coming and braced herself for the sudden impact. She couldn't bring herself to watch the expression on Vaughn's face.
"What's going on?" Vaughn asked again. He looked to Sydney, who refused to return gaze, "Sydney?" She bit her lip and turned towards her father, almost pretending not to hear. "Jack, what's going on?"
Director Kendal had noticed the little gathering nearby and walked over, looking very overpowering and intimidating as he stood over them. His face was drawn and pale as he looked seriously at Vaughn. Was there a hint of compassion in his eyes? "Agent Vaughn, nice to you see you again."
Vaughn was slightly taken aback by this and didn't exactly know what to say. Kendal was actually being nice to him, "Likewise, sir." He paused slightly to catch his breath that started to ache in his chest, "Why did you insist that I come in?"
Jack and Kendal both shared worried look but Jack spoke first, "Mr. Vaughn, you, Sydney, and Agent Weiss are going to be leaving on a mission to Fleury, France in an hour. The plane is loaded and you'll receive op tech onboard. There will be two combined missions to this. For the first one, Mr. Weiss will be on point and you, Mr. Vaughn, will be in the field with Sydney." The trademark Bristow stare took over, "This is going to be a difficult mission, considering that you've been out of the field for quite sometime..The piggy back mission, Mr. Vaughn, you will have Sydney on a comm. link. This is going to one of the most difficult missions for you, Mr. Vaughn." He let his voice trail off, uncharacteristically as he thought of the ramifications of these next few words. "But you must go."
Vaughn didn't know what to do and felt completely flustered, "Why?" He felt his heart begin to pound and his body start to sweat. He wished he was well enough to run out of that room faster than any man alive. Something in the pit of his stomach said something was undeniably wrong. He reached up and groped for Sydney's hand. She offered it and clutched his tightly, feeling the pain he felt surge through her body. She ignored the looks she got from both of her superiors. All of those solutions she had come to completely went out the window.
Jack sighed and looked at his daughter out of desperation. Taking a deep breath again, he spoke softly, "A relative of yours has been killed and we think it has something to do with one of your connections."
A semi-truck hit him at full force and he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach hard. He never wanted his job to affect anyone else's life but his own. Feeling tears rush towards his eyes, he managed to gasp, "Anyone but my mother. Please tell me it's *not* my mother."