He shouldn't be focused on Caitlin.

He should be focused on the Black Flame.

He should be scouring every inch of the city in search of Central City's newest plague, and putting an end to it before anyone else could get hurt.

He shouldn't be focused on her right now, and yet he is.

His eyes surveyed the Cortex, and came up with the same outcome it had the last few days: no Caitlin Snow.

It was unusual, uncommon, and it made him feel dissimilar. He had become so accustomed to her presence that the lack of it made this whole Team Flash thing feel incomplete and disingenuous.

He felt similar after Cisco had left, but this, it felt deeper, and more than just a simple longing to have his friend near or have things be the same they always were.

Frost, Chester, Allegra, and even Cecile were great, and he loved them, but Caitlin was something completely different, a constant he could always look to in his ever changing life, a constant he had taken for granted, a constant he had ruined.

Her absence for the better part of a week had left him almost isolated amidst the team, especially because he knew the reason she had been so inattentive. He found he didn't really know the rest of the team, not like he knew Caitlin. They were his teammates, his friends, his family, but it wasn't the same.

"Hey, uh, where's Caitlin?" He spoke suddenly, turning to look at Frost. "We need all the help we can get." He felt the need to add, though he found himself questioning why. It was likely his mind fearing that anyone else on the team might've known about that fateful night weeks ago, and that adding that last part would somehow ease their suspicions.

"Ever since she decided to go all in with Marcus, it's open season on spontaneous getaways." It was as if hope itself had been snuffed from within him as Frost went on about Caitlin and Marcus's relationship, and It was then that he realized any possibilities between him and Caitlin that had been actualized all those weeks ago were obliterated in one fell swoop. "So one minute, they're listening to showtunes, getting all weepy on the couch, and then next, they got last minute tickets to 'Dear Evan Hansen in Metropolis."

Barry nodded vacantly as Frost finished, the voices of Cecile and Sue are faint and distant in his ears as they congratulate Caitlin. He stared absentmindedly past Sue and at the old Flash suit that lay on the mannequin before him. He found a flurry of memories swirl inside his mind and the ghost of a smile graced his face for a brief moment, only to fall as fast as it formed.

He was happy for her. Truly. She had finally put herself out there after so long, after being hurt so many times. She deserved happiness more than anyone he knew, and yet he found himself almost glacial to the idea, something that he scolded himself for but at the same time had to ask himself why?

He was married, and she was just a friend.

Right?

After what happened, he wasn't so sure anymore.

"Barry?"

"Hmm?" He turned his attention to Frost, finally broken out of his trance.

"You good?" She inquired with a apprehensive smile. "You kinda zoned out for a minute there."

"Yeah." He stated unconvincingly with a shrug, and Frost as well as the team and even Sue stared at him, concern overtly displayed on their faces. "I'm just...overthinking about the case." He lied, sucking in a sharp breath as the silver-haired woman nodded, clearly not completely convinced. After a brief moment of recollection, he turned to Sue. "Are you staying in Central City? We could really use the help."

"I can't." She replied, her tone full of sincere disappointment. "I have CEO things to do," She let out a sigh as she rolled her eyes. "Plus I have to stop by the Citizen and check in on Iris and co." Sue furrowed her eyebrows at how Barry averted his gaze at her mention of Iris, coupled together with his earlier behavior, she began to form a rough outline of the situation. Her eyes darted around at the others for a moment. "I would love to have a word in private, though."

Barry's eyebrows arched and he pointed at himself in confusion.

"Yeah." She replied simply with wide eyes and a tight smile. "Just real quick. C'mon." She ushed him out of the cortex and into the hall. "So...you want to talk about the other elephant in the room besides this Black Flame?" Sue inquired softly, resting her hands on her hips as she eyed him expectantly.

"I-" Barry began before the words caught in his throat, and he brougt a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. "I'm fine. This case is just getting to me."

Sue nodded. "Trust me, I've been around the world and seen things you wouldn't believe in my line of work, and this Black Flame is harrowing. But, there's something more eating away at you. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Sue inhaled for a moment, watching as the tension within Barry's body grew. "Look, I know we're not overly close, but I consider you a friend Barry, a privilege I don't give many." Her voice was soft as she spoke to him earnestly. "I just want to help. So please, tell me what's wrong so I can try and help." Barry remained silent as he turned away from her.

In full honesty, what had happened was eating away at him more and more at every passing moment, and he desperately needed to talk to someone, but he was so scared and afraid that he didn't know if he should or let the incident fade into obscurity and accept that him and Caitlin's relationship was forever changed.

"Caitlin," Sue spoke suddenly, and his eyes snapped to hers, betraying his own prevalant need to act like everything was alright. "You were wondering about her. Are you worried about her on her date?"

"She might have a dodgy history when it comes to dating but Caitlin can handle herself, and from what I've heard Marcus is a great guy."

"So... a fight? Did you two get in an argument and you said some things you regret?" Barry shook his head. "Then what's wrong?"

An interval of many long, silent seconds filled the air between the two. Barry spared a glance at Sue, and was met with bright, caring eyes solely focused on him, and he let out a tense, tired sigh. "Me and Cait... we," Barry started, but stopped, bringing his hands up to run over his face. "We had sex."

SEVERAL WEEKS AGO

Caitlin shuffled into the apartment, letting out a dejected breath as she closed the door behind her and shrugged off her coat, letting it fall aimlessly to the floor. Halfheartedly tossing her keys onto the kitchen counter, she flopped onto the couch. Groaning inwardly, she brought her hands up to cover her face.

Mark was right.

Caitlin couldn't help but let out a laugh at that. A self-deprecating laugh at how bizarre her life had truly become over these past eight years ever since that fateful particle accelerator explosion, to the point she was taking advice from Chillblaine of all people.

Well, he was only really right about one thing. She was afraid of going all in with Marcus, but not because of her past. She loved Ronnie, a part of her always would, but she had moved on long ago and come to terms with the cursed area of her life that was dating after Hunter and Julian.

No, she was afraid because deep down she knew this wasn't what she wanted.

Marcus wasn't who she wanted.

Clenching her eyes shut, she rubbed at her temples, a deep sigh escaping from between her lips. She thought she had moved on. She thought that she had finally pushed past that heart-lurching feeling, and escaped that aura of stupid teenage girl-esque crushing and fawning.

But alas, she was no better than Frost.

She had to accept it.

She was completely and utterly in love with Barry Allen.

She had been for years, ever since those first few months together, though she didn't truly realize it until she was standing as a bridesmaid to Iris at their wedding.

She had managed to move on from Ronnie, past Hunter and Julian, but she couldn't just move on from Barry. Maybe it was because he was always there for her, no matter what, he was there. To comfort her, to protect her, to just be himself.

Maybe if she left Central City, she'd finally be able to date without comparing every man to Barry Allem.

She knew all too well she would never be able to leave Barry behind, he meant far too much to her, so much beyond a yearning her heart felt. He was her best friend, he understood her better than anyone else. Well, besides Frost, who she literally shared a body with most of her life. But that was only a testament to how close the two were, and how incredible their relationship truly was.

Knowing she shouldn't continue harping on the subject, she rose from the couch with a downhearted sigh. She dragged her feet down the hall and into the bathroom where she began to draw a bath. She watched as the water flowed languidly, stripping down.

She soaked in the tub for over half an hour, trying to enjoy the hot water as it danced agaisnt her skin, but finding herself too distracted, unable to fully bask in the comfort and refreshment it should of brought her.

As she watched the water slowly drain, a round of knocks resonated throughout her apartment, startling her. She quickly dried off before scrounging through her drawers for something to wear. After quickly deciding on a pair of sleep shorts and a t-shirt, she hurried through her apartment as a second round of knocks was unloaded onto her door.

When she finally opened the door, she let out a soft "oh" while a small smile formed on her face. She fully expected it to be Frost, stumbling in half-drunk with Mark around her arm, but was pleasantly surprised to see Barry standing in her doorway. "Hey." He let out softly, his tone relieved.

"Barry, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry I'm here so late, I-" He stopped, bringing up his hand to run through his wind-swept hair. "I needed to talk to someone."

"Come in, come in." She urged, stepping to the side as she gestured to her largely dim apartment. "What's wrong?" She inquired softly as she shut the door, and Barry stood idly in the living room, fidgeting with his hands.

"I just needed a friend, its been a long day." He replied simply.

"Okay, well I was gonna heat up some leftovers and watch a movie. Wanna join?"

He nodded. "Yeah." His voice was airy, something more trapped at the entranceway to his mouth, a cluster of words ever growing that he refrained from spewing onto her.

They settle onto the couch and watch the movie, but she finds herself often peering over at the scarlet speedster, hoping to see a smile or at least something over than the discontent look that's been plastered on his face since he arrived, but his eyes aren't even focused on the screen, he's staring at her wall.

"Barry." She started, resting her hand atop his. He flinches slightly, head turning to look at her as he's broken out of his thoughts. "Are you okay?" He nods with a smile, but she knows him too well, knows that its merely a facade to ease her, or more accurately, himself. She can see his lips are pressed tightly together, forced upward into a smile, but his eyes betray him. He had beautiful,

hopeful, optimistic eyes. But now, on the couch in her warmly lit apartment, they were dark, reflecting on the past, echo of something she couldn't quite place. She crossed her legs as she turned towards him, pausing the film. "You can talk to me." She added.

His fake smile slowly fell, replaced soon after by a self-depricating smile and chuckle. "Its been a long day." He muttered, and her eyes are unwavering as he takes a moment to seemingly reflect on what had transpired. "I was stuck in CCPD for hours tonight with a megalomaniac rambling about gold and love-"

Caitlin's eyes widened. "Goldface took over CCPD?" She spoke and unknown to Barry, began bashing herself for being so wrapped up in trying to shame Frost for her choice in men and being too scared to admit her own feelings to realize Barry was in trouble and help him.

"Yeah," He said, almost distant, like his mind was running a million miles a minute and he was forcing himself to stay in the here and now. "I'm okay, but..." He ran his hand over his face, stopping over his mouth to envelop a deep breath he released and absentmindedly scratch at the echo of facial hair he had recently shaved. "It.. made me realize a lot, Cait."

She found herself transfixed. "Like what?"

Barry let out a deep sigh. "Listening to Goldface ramble on about Amunet and relationships and love, about how he'd do anything for her and how working together had taken their relationship to new heights," He let out a dejected breath. "All I could hear and see was me and Iris, and that filled me with..." He couldn't put words to it, and he let his hands fall after a moment of them being frozen in air.

"It gave you a new perspective?" Caitlin inquired softly.

"That's putting it lightly." Barry nodded before letting out another self-deprecating chuckle, readjusting on the coach. "It just keeps playing in my head again and again. If my relationship with Iris is no better than a pair of lovesick maniacs, then what the hell am I doing? We even share the same couples therapist! " Caitlin eyed him soflty, her brows arching in concern and solicitude. "Ever since we got out, I just can't stop thinking. About Iris, our relationship, you..." He trailed off.

"Me?" Her voice was meek, and he nodded.

"Tonight, I had only one chance to get a bomb off my wrist, and I was terrified Cait."

She couldn't help the surge of emotion that filled her core. Hearing him say Cait felt natural, it felt right, it felt like a sense of belonging, and was so much more welcome than the nickname Caity, who she only ever let Frost use, and yet everyone else seemed to join in on. It was such a simple thing, yet it filled her energy once more after a long, draining night.

And in juxtaposition to that, she was filled with terror and scorn for herslef. He had almost died, and she was sulking around a bar, unable to keep her emotions in check.

"I didn't think I would be fast enough, but then I thought about you." Barry raised his eyeline, and Caitlin was utterly enamored by the scarlet speedster. "I was ready to die, and all I could think of was you, Cait."

"Barry..."

"Lately, everyone keeps telling me that I've leveled up, that I'm invincible." Caitlin's eyes narrowed. "We're Team Flash, we hand the future its ass, there's nothing we can't do, love and hope and pep talks and it all feels so forced and fake. Its like a shitty script on repeat and I can't bear to hear another person say it." He stopped to take a breath, realizing he had gotten too caught up in his own anger and frustration.

"But when you said it... it wasn't forced or contrived, you said it proudly, and you meant it. I took that to heart because I believe you, Cait. You're the only one whose ever told me everything straight, no matter if I wanted to hear it or not."

Caitlin found herself unable to meet his eyes continuously, and so she would often break her gaze to look at her fidgeting hands or her carpeted floor. "I'm always here when you need a pep talk." She smiled, and Barry laughed. A real one, and a smile was left lingering on his face.

"You're the only one I'd want to hear it from." For a few intervals, they sat in content silence, absentlmindedly moving closer to one another. "Are you happy, Cait?" He suddenly broke the silence.

Her steady breathing found itself tripping over itself, and she found Barry's gaze intense and passionate and terrifying all at once. "Yeah." She said dejectedly. "Of course I'm happy."

"How'd your date go?" Barry inquired.

Caitlin found herself chewing on her bottom lip as she replayed the events of her own night. "Eventful." She landed on, and Barry arched a brow.

"Bad date?"

"No, Its... Marcus is sweet, and smart, and he's nice, but... he's not the one for me." She took a deep breath. "I thought I was ready to move on, to put myself out there again, but..." She trailed off, shaking her head before she slammed it onto the couch cushion dramatically. "Cisco was right. I don't have a life."

"No, no, yes you do." He playfully pushed her, and she rose her head to look at him. "You cook, and you clean, and you read, and you help me." He teased, and she playfully slapped his arm, the two laughing softly as a comforting sense of familiarity washed over them. "I understand though, after everything that happened with Ronnie and-"

"No, no, no." She interjected, and Barry focused in on her as she picked at her nails, refusing to meet his gaze. "I loved Ronnie, a part of me always will, but I managed to come to terms with everything that happened a long time ago. Same with what happened with Hunter and Julian."

"You said you weren't ready to move on?"

"Its nothing Barry."

"Its not nothing if its bothering you, Cait." He told her earnestly.

He leaned forward, trying to look at her past the locks that dangled and obscured her features. He reached out, brushing a lock out of her face, and her breath hitched in her throat. "I know that lately, I haven't been there for you as much as I should have, and I'm sorry, but I'll always be here. To listen, to talk, to-"

"Barry, you've always been there for me, but this..."

"Please talk to me Cait."

"Its you, Barry." She spoke, and as soon as it left her mouth, she felt her stomach churning, a layer of sweat seemingly appearing from thin air forming on her skin, and her already divergent gaze grew even more distant, all while Barry remained sickeningly silent for a long moment.

"You can't move on...because of me?" Barry stared at her for a long moment, eyes trained on her lips as she chewed on the lower of the two, on the hands she fidgeted with, but most of all her glistening, unsure eyes that she tried desperately to hide. "Cait." He uttered, and despite the absolute terror that ran through her, she finally raised her eyeline to meet his. What if he hated her, what if she ruined everything between them, what if he felt the same way?

Deciding she didn't want to find out, she quickly rose from the couch, sprinting down her hallway and into the bathroom where she slammed the door shut, perhaps a little too hard.

Barry was immediately on his feet,

walking with trepidation down the hall. He stopped in front of the bathroom door and lightly knocked a few times. "Cait?" He spoke softly, though the worry was evident in his tone. He heard a timid 'yeah?' in return, followed by muffled sniffling, and he realized she was crying. "Are - Are you okay?"

There was no reply this time, and for a long interval Barry remained by the door, hoping that she'd come out, that she'd open the door.

When he finally heard the lock click, his breath seemed to leave in a fleeting instant, replaced by overwhelming nervousness. He stepped in, and gently closed the door behind him. Caitlin sat on the counter, and Barry moved in front of her, leaning against the wall. They both sat in silence for a moment. "I- I'm sorry, Barry. I shouldn't have-"

"Cait-"

She kept rambling about how sorry she was, how she had ruined everything, tears becoming more and more prevalent as she tried to smooth over what she thought she had destroyed.

"Caitlin." He said once more, and she finally raised her gaze to the man in front of her. An interval of many seconds passed as Caitlin's eyes flickered over his before ever so slowly they both leaned forward, eyes falling closed, letting their lips find each other like two opposite poles of a magnet.

Caitlin's hands immediately looped around Barry's neck, pressing against it in an effort to lure him as close as physically possible. The two moved like they were always destined to do this, clinging onto each other as their lips moved over one another languidly.

Despite everything. Despite Barry being married. Despite Bart Nora regularly dropping by from the future to visit. Despite what the rest of their friends and family would think, and despite her better judgment that had kept her silently suffering as she longed for Barry over the years, she reciprocated, pressing her lips agaisnt his furiously, afraid that at any moment her dream was going to crash and burn and Barry would realize this was all a mistake.

That moment never came, instead she let out a soft moan as Barry left a trail of kisses across her jawline. "Barry..."

He pulled back, eyes locked on her, and as their hot and heavy breathed echoed in the space between them, they knew what they both wanted. They surged forward in tandem, lips crashing against eachother in a burst of need and passion as the last of their inhibition was thrown to the side.

Caitlin was in a state of euphoria, the feeling of something other than her own hands against her was foreign after these long years of loneliness, but was it oh so welcome.

Her back arched, a moan escaping her as Barry continued his ministrations while his lips still trailed along her jawline. She pressed her hand agaisnt his chest, gently pushing him away. He succeeded, looking at her with an at first unreadable expression, that quickly softened, and she saw uncertainty behind his eyes, afriad that she wanted to stop.

"Bedroom."

The uncertainty is gone in a flash, and before she can blink lightning echoes across them and she finds them stumbling into her bedroom, lips and limbs interlocked. *

PRESENT

He found himself unable to meet Sue's gaze as the words left his mouth, his mind playing the events of that night on repeat.

"Woah..." Sue's eyes went wide, her mouth falling agape as she tried to process what he had just said. She was utterly speechless, and the silence made Barry all the more anxious, and he felt the need to elaborate.

"It was a few weeks ago, and afterwards we didn't talk about it. I guess we both summed it up to a mistake and tried to go back to normal. But these last few weeks have been torture, Sue. We're distant and ignoring each other. Things aren't the same." Barry was rambling, only stopping to make short concise breaths.

"Woah..." She spoke once more. It was all she could muster.

"Please say something else." Barry pleaded.

"I-" She found herself stunned silent, something that was unusual and uncommon for her.

"What about you and Iris? Your marriage?" Sue muttered, her eyes going even wider in sudden realization.

"Look, I don't know, I just know I can't keep doing this, I can't do any of this without her and I might've ruined everything. I mean you heard Frost, she's on a date with Marcus right now! That has to mean what happened doesn't mean anything to her right?" He questioned, but before Sue could speak Barry continued. "But why would she be ignoring me then? Why does she avoid me at every turn?"

Sue brough her hand up to rub at her temple as Barry began to pace back and forth slowly throughout the hallway. "You two definitely need to talk about...it, but what about Iris, Barry? Was this a one time thing?"

"Sue, I- " Barry started, but found himself lacking in words. "I've loved Iris for so long, but after what happened, I can't see myself with her, having Nora and Bart."

"Maybe your just guilty, Barry."

"No." He stated fast and confident. "Before it happened, we were talking, I told her I was having doubts about me and Iris, and then we kept talking and one thing led to the other..."

"So you..."

Barry nodded, lips pursed. "It doesn't matter, she can't even look at me."

"Maybe she's scared too, maybe she thinks you think it was a mistake and so she's trying to move on, I don't know." Sue said, and Barry's head fell in defeat. "Look, I'm not good at relationships. I've never had a great boyfriend until Ralph, all my friends were either backstabbers wanting money or just faded away with time, and my parents worked for Black Hole so... eesh when it comes to relationships for me. But Barry, from what I've seen with you and Caitlin, you're close, and whatever happened between you two, it's up to you and her to fix it. You need to talk to Caitlin before jumping into anything rash. Talk to her, talk to Iris, and sort everything out, and If you ever need to talk, you have my number." She let out a deep breath.

"Thank you, Sue."

"No problem." She smiled, giving him a playful curtsey. "I guess I can add relationship counselor to my resume."

Barry let out a laugh, watching as she gave him a small wave and slowly walked out of view down the hallway. His smile fell, and he slumped against the wall, sliding down it until he sat on the floor.

He leaned his head back against the cool concrete wall and let out a tired sigh, knowing this was going to be a very long day, which was only enforced as an alert rang out within Star Labs, signifying the Black Flame had struck again.