The moment still flashes even after all these years. I never knew how much I wanted you to be the one for me. It was at such a nerve breaking moment that I really understood what I had pushed back in my head after all these years. They say from hatred to love is just one step I really never realized it was true. The moment that I realized what I was loosing I knew how I felt. Isn't that the most ironic thing? The only depressing thing was that all the time I tried to block you out of my mind out of my general life but you were always there even when I did fight against it and treated you like crap it was my way of convincing myself that you were completely evil that you would never be anything but a monster. When I saw you burning and risking your life that day for the world flames over taking your body. The pain shot through me as much as it hurt you I just would have liked to have realized that you were the one I was looking for you were the one that would have made my life complete if I would have paid less attention to the circumstances if I would have just known you were there from the start. I will never forget all the times you were there to mend my shattered heart or there to wipe away any tears that people caused. You knew how too. You did this no questions asked no requirements from my part.
You gave me everything without getting anything from me that was close to what you gave me. The realization sunk in my skin you were dieing I was never going to see you again. I would never forgive my stubbornness all those wasted years that I could have spent with you. "The monster" right? If you stop and think about it every guy has a monster inside of them they are all monsters. I knew you had a heart and knew how to love and cared even without that soul you never needed to show me I knew I just wish you would have known that I knew. I forgot all my stubbornness at that moment the moment where I was going to loose you forever and never see you ever again in all my life. The immortal was going to die. I let those words that you and myself wanted to hear after all those years
"I love you" I knew it was true this time, I knew I meant it, it seemed to easy and the fact that I never told you before burns through me filling me with pain I would never admit to even myself at the time. The ground began collapsing at my feet I didn't want to let you go. Your words still after living these years ring in my ears so vividly
"No you don't" that smile in between the smile that made me melt inside " but thanks for saying that"
I don't know what I saw in those eyes I guess pain of all the fire burning through you. I don't know what encouraged me to get out and leave you there to your fate maybe I was a coward maybe it was the fact that Dawn would stay alone in the world without anyone to give a damn about her. I just don't know. It still haunts me knowing I could have stayed there to die with you. Stay the last moments with you. I still don't understand why I left. I regret it is all I can say. But the most thing that I regret is that I could never see you, touch you, or show you how I really loved you. The only thing I regret and forever will regret is you not believing the fact that I did. I know it wasn't your fault you didn't believe me because it wasn't I shouldn't have been so naïve as to let all the things I truly felt stay hidden all those years. Every memory of you and what I knew of you will be implanted on my brain for years maybe even forever. I will haunt myself forever knowing or fantasizing of what could have been or what should have been. One thing I know for sure is that smile you game me before I left you will always stay with me forever.