This is a re-attempt of a story that meant and still means a lot to me.
I was introduced to SVU after Stabler left, therefore my connection to him was developed much later in the years.
However, when I did explore the relationship both Elliot and Olivia had, I fell in love with it. The ups and downs, the fights, but most of all... the unconditional loyalty.
But when it came to me, I would want to know what would happen if the tables were reversed. What would happen if it was Olivia who was the one to leave, and Elliot to be on the receiving end of that dagger?
Chapter One
She didn't want to do this.
Olivia… are you sure?
She didn't want to do this.
Yes, Captain. I am.
She didn't want to do this. But she had to.
You can still change your mind. Captain Walters is just a phone call away.
She couldn't change her mind.
I'm sorry, Captain Cragen.
She was. She never wanted to leave like this, ever. In a perfect world, she wouldn't have even thought to make the request to transfer to Staten Island SVU. She would've never wanted to leave the home she had forever known, the friends she made lifelong ties to. She would've never wanted to leave any of it.
Because in a perfect world, she would've never fallen in love with her married partner.
Liv, you've dedicated so much of your life here. What do you want me to tell Fin? Munch? And don't even get me started on Elli-
She couldn't hear him say his name.
Captain, please. I'd rather… I'd rather not.
She couldn't even look her Captain in the eyes as she said those words; her back was not only turned to him, but piercing towards the broad shoulders, the buttoned-up brown shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and the beautiful wave of blue across his eyes. Her partner of six years. For better or worse. He couldn't see her staring at him through the door of their captain's office as he was busy typing up a report, and that made Olivia all the more heartbroken. She kept her emotions guarded around him, but away from him, she could afford to be just a little honest with herself.
Liv, please. The unit won't function without you, and I don't even know where to start looking for another partner for him.
She knew it, but it didn't stop her.
I can't be here anymore.
And that was God's honest truth.
Cragen almost didn't want to believe that it had been Olivia who requested the transfer to Staten Island. If anything, Fin would've been the one to leave, and go to a completely different division at that. But this was Olivia - the same woman who just a few months ago would've sworn she wouldn't have wanted to work anywhere else.
And she wanted out. After all this time.
Staten Island SVU is expecting you next Monday. Other than an adjustment period for the change in scenery, I made sure they knew they were in excellent hands.
I appreciate that, Captain. Thank you, and thank you for everything.
And she meant it. Over half a decade, not only was he her commanding officer but the father figure she never had. Stern, but fair. Strict, but loving. Always looking out for the detectives under his watch - especially when it came to her and Elliot.
Elliot.
She had to tell him.
She felt the dagger edge in her heart as she came out of the office, finally meeting his eyes face-to-face. The initial smile on his lips morphed into a frown when he knew something had been going on.
What's wrong, Liv?
She couldn't hide behind Cragen's office door anymore.
I'm transferring to Staten Island SVU. Effective immediately.
She felt herself drowning in the painful silence she caused among the three other detectives that surrounded her as she broke the news. What suffocated her was watching Elliot leave his chair and shoot her daggers of hurt and betrayal through her fragile heart.
You're joking.
No, she wasn't.
Munch and Fin tried their best to make the situation as light as they could. Munch was much older compared to the others, and so Olivia had always seen him as the bristly uncle. Fin, on the other hand, may not have made the best first impression on her, but he ended up becoming the older brother she never had.
You should've told us earlier - I could've made Fin wear a suit and tie for your grand farewell!
Right, and I could've made your ass tumble down the next flight of stairs for shits and giggles.
She loved them with her whole being, and leaving them would leave a scar that would take a lifetime to fade.
We're going to miss you, Olivia.
You take care of yourself out there, baby girl.
However, it wasn't comparable to the permanent open wound she was about to crater into her very being when it came to Elliot Stabler.
You're just going to tell me this now? NOW?!
The floodgates didn't open until the two of them found themselves behind the solid door of the bunkers. Not only did Elliot manage to get away from the squad room as Olivia was trying to say her goodbyes to Munch and Fin, but he walked past her with the purest pulsating rage she had ever felt from him.
She knew they needed to have this conversation. She just didn't want to have it.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, Elliot. I am. Believe me. I needed to come to this decision alone.
She knew he wasn't having any of it. So you're just going to throw away six years of our lives down the drain? Like it didn't mean anything to you?
It meant more than she would ever willingly tell him. It meant so much to her that it would be the very reason she had to leave. But he would never know that, so she'll allow him to think and feel however he wants, and she'll take it. We were supposed to be more than partners, weren't we Liv? What the hell happened to that?
More than partners.
No, Elliot. We weren't supposed to be more than partners at all.
She saw Elliot's features turn from rage to confusion before her very eyes, but the hurt was still stamped on fresh - more poignant with every passing moment. Weren't we friends? At all? I trusted you to talk to me about things, and you couldn't even tell me what the hell was going on with you.
Olivia couldn't take it anymore.
Was that too much to ask for?
Yeah, it was.
I wish we weren't.
There, she said it. She said what she wanted to say, and at that moment, she didn't care how he took it, because it was the closest to the truth she would ever let him into.
You… you wish we weren't friends?
She caught him looking away from her momentarily, but it was unmistakable. The shimmer from his eyes said it all. He was crying. She hurt him. But in her heart, she selfishly allowed herself to believe that nothing was going to hurt either of them more than how badly the gold band around Elliot's left ring finger hurt her.
I'm sorry, El.
But those words wouldn't mean anything, because the damage was already done. She fell into the trap she tried so hard not to fall into, and she wasn't strong enough to work with him anymore.
No. I'm sorry you feel that way, Detective Benson.
The slam from the door of the bunker room was the last goodbye she got from her former partner.
She would now be left to pick up the pieces of what she destroyed.