Time is forever dividing itself toward innumerable futures and in one of them I am your enemy.

Welcome to Part 3! Fair warning, the balance is shifting. There will still be warm and soft and fluff, but there's going to be a lot more of everything else. There are growing pains to get through and there are boundaries to push, and there are arguments to be had. So...hang in there. If it makes you feel better, part 5 will be so much worse!

Next week, the chapter is going to go up a day earlier because I will be at a work thing on Monday night my time, just FYI.

The song for this chapter is one I've loved since I first heard it: "Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1: It Takes A Road

Peter felt profoundly uncomfortable in his suit.

"Please, have a seat," the judge behind the desk said, gesturing.

Peter watched Aunt May and Mister Stark settle into the big wooden chairs across from the judge, leaving him a place between them. On the one hand, he liked that he had them on either side — it presented a nice, unified front, and it made him feel safe. On the other hand, that meant he was directly across from the judge himself.

Judge Nowak was a stately older woman, her graying hair pulled into a bun behind her and her lined face partially lost behind huge, gold-rimmed glasses. She wasn't wearing her full robes, though Peter could see them hanging by the door of her chambers, and yet she still loomed large before him.

"Thank you for accepting our petition not to do this in open court," the lawyer Miss Pepper had sent with them said from his place next to Mister Stark.

Judge Nowak nodded. "I don't like turning my courtroom into a media firestorm. And, given the circumstances, this is preferable for everyone."

Peter pulled at his sleeves, trying not to fidget under the woman's gaze and failing miserably. He had absolutely no idea how Mister Stark could wear his own perfect suit with the ease of a t-shirt and sweatpants. Even Aunt May in one of her nicest skirts and blouses sat comfortably enough, if a little tensely beside him.

If relaxing in formal clothes was an adult thing, Peter despaired of ever attaining it.

"Now." Judge Nowak glanced at Peter over her glasses before she opened the folder on the desk before her. "I have here all the documents submitted to the state regarding the legal guardianship of Peter Benjamin Parker. I have reviewed them at length and I have a few questions I would like to ask before we proceed."

Peter felt nervousness bite into his stomach again.

"First, Missus Parker, I understand you have already named Tony Stark as Peter's guardian in your will in the case of an unforeseen tragedy. Is this the case?"

"Yes, Your Honor," Aunt May said.

"Forgive me for having to be blunt, but can you swear to me under the threat of perjury that you have made this determination without any pressure or inducement on Mister Stark's part?"

Peter gulped, but Aunt May didn't look bothered, and Mister Stark didn't look surprised.

"Tony has been a friend of our family for two years now. He is someone we both love and trust completely, and that was before we knew him as Tony Stark. So if you're worried that I'm being bribed or blackmailed or pressured into this, I will swear on a stack of Bibles that I am not."

"I see." Judge Nowak's attention turned to Mister Stark. "And this is the person with whom you wish to share current parental rights? Keep in mind, Missus Parker, if we sign these documents today, it will provide grounds for Mister Stark to sue for custody or access to Peter later. Once you open this door, there may be no closing it."

Peter saw Aunt May's hands close in her lap, but her voice remained calm.

"I realize how this might look. You might think I'm some kind of golddigger trading my kid for money. Or that Tony...that he wants something from Peter."

"Miss Parker," Mister Stark's lawyer began to object. But Mister Stark shot him a look and he stopped.

"That is a cynical but all too plausible way of interpreting this request," Judge Nowak said. "And because of its high profile nature, I have to be very certain before I make any determination."

Aunt May nodded. "Well, on behalf of any kids who might be in that kind of trouble, I appreciate it. But I can guarantee you that nothing like that is happening here. Tony is our family. He's been there for us through everything in the last two years. He is the one person on this whole planet I have truly felt safe letting watch over my nephew. Tony would never hurt Peter. He would die for Peter, and he would live for him."

The judge nodded. "Mister Stark?"

"Yes, ma'am." And Peter noticed that there was none of Mister Stark's usual humor or snark in his voice or his expression. He was taking this more seriously than he'd ever taken any Congressional hearing. He wasn't even wearing his trademark sunglasses this time.

"Tell me about your relationship with Peter Parker."

"I met Peter and May when they moved into a building I own in Queens while I was recovering after the Mandarin attack. I helped them fix some plumbing and got to know them both. Peter is a smart, kind, amazing kid. He keeps up with me in a way most adults don't in the lab, and he is always thinking about others before himself."

Mister Stark paused to sniff as he did when he was uncomfortable.

"We've spent a lot of time together in the last two years and I can tell you, they've been the best of my life. We do science together, we watch movies, and he tells me about school while we experiment with cooking. Not very successfully, but we've managed to get pancakes right, anyway. He's more eager to learn than most people I've ever met, and it's been...it's been a privilege to work with him, to teach him, to watch him growing up."

Peter felt oddly nervous suddenly.

Mister Stark cleared his throat. "I know what my reputation is, Your Honor. I know...what you probably think of me. And you're not wrong about a lot of it. I have kind of a mixed record."

"That's one way of putting it," Judge Nowak said.

Aunt May looked like she was going to say something, but Mister Stark shook his head at her. "It's okay, May. It's...it is what it is." He looked at Peter, then back at the judge. "I get it now, how parents feel about their kids. I...I love Peter as if he were my own son, and the only thing I want for him is to grow up safe and healthy and cared for."

"And you are sincere in your desire to be a guardian to Peter? To care for him and make decisions in his best interest, even if that conflicts with your own?"

Mister Stark leaned forward. "Your Honor, if you asked me to sign away my holdings and my estate and just be the fix-it guy of Queens in order to be Peter's legal guardian, I would tell you to give me the pen right now. Peter means more to me than anything. Whatever is best for him is the only thing I will ever care about."

"Hmm."

Peter thought maybe the judge was starting to believe them, even though her face was still pretty impassive.

"Your Honor, if I may..." the lawyer started.

"Actually, I would like to speak to Peter alone, please."

Apparently nobody really expected that, Peter least of all. "Me?" he asked, and his voice broke a little on the word.

Judge Nowak nodded. "You aren't technically fourteen years old yet, so I don't have to take your opinion into account. But, given the circumstances, I would like to. However, I want you to feel able to answer me honestly without anyone pressuring you. So I would prefer if the others would step out of the room for a few minutes." She raised her eyebrows at Aunt May. "If that's all right with you."

"Um. Sure." Aunt May stood up, patting Peter on the shoulder. "Yeah, I'm okay with that. Tony?"

"Fine." And he stood, but Peter could tell he didn't like it even if he wasn't showing it. "Come on, Jackson," he said to the lawyer. "Give them some space."

The lawyer looked even less happy about it than Mister Stark did, but he didn't argue and the three of them left. Peter didn't want to watch them go like a scared kid, but he felt a hundred times more nervous once he heard the door shut behind them.

"You don't have to worry, Peter," Judge Nowak said, smiling slightly. "I'm not going to ask you anything that could get you in trouble."

"I know," he said, since it seemed like the right answer.

"Do you understand why I'm concerned about Mister Stark being your guardian, Peter?"

"Um, I think so. It's because people say a lot of things about him on the news and online, right? About him dating too many people or drinking or something."

"That's part of it," the judge said. "Though he has turned around in the last several years, and I recognize that. But he's a man in a position of power, and I have to be cautious of that."

"Like...he could be using me for something?" Peter asked. "You're worried he's going to abuse me?"

Peter appreciated that Judge Nowak met his eyes. "Yes, that is one possibility."

"He's not." Peter shook his head. "Not like that. I've gotten those talks from Aunt May and Mister Stark and every teacher since forever. He isn't, like, touching me or something. I promise."

"I believe you, and I'm glad to hear it." The judge nodded. "Do you feel safe when you're with him? Do you feel that he is nice to you?"

"Mister Stark is super nice," Peter said. "I'm way more interested in chemistry than he is, but he did all these dumb experiments with me when we first met just because I thought they were cool. Now we do a mix of stuff including coding and engineering, but not because he makes me do it. I just wanted to learn. And when there were bullies at school, he helped me out a lot."

"Has Mister Stark ever asked you to do anything that made you uncomfortable?"

"Are we back to the abuse thing again?" Peter asked, kind of annoyed.

"No. I meant more along the lines of keeping secrets from your aunt or spending time on activities that you didn't want to do."

"Nope." Peter sighed. "Mister Stark tells Aunt May everything except when it's about her birthday present or something. And, I mean, he makes me do homework first before I can hang out in the workshop with him, and he makes me do my chores, but that's not what you mean, so, no."

Peter wished he could tell her about how Mister Stark had saved him from Hydra or the Mind Stone. But Aunt May and Mister Stark and Miss Pepper had all made it very clear that he couldn't bring those up because they were SHIELD secrets. That was frustrating — Peter felt sure that if the judge understood what Mister Stark had done to save him already, she wouldn't be so worried.

"I see. Has he talked to you at all about his company?"

That surprised Peter. "Um, no?"

"Really? Interesting." She tapped a pen on the desk for a moment. "Peter, anything you say to me will never be repeated. You know that, right?"

"Um, yeah. I mean, yes, Your Honor."

"Good." She gave him a tiny smile. "Then I just need you to tell me one more thing. How does Mister Stark make you feel?"

Peter closed his eyes and knew his cheeks were burning. But he had to be honest. It was up to him now.

He opened them. "Mister Stark...he's my hero. But not, like, Iron Man. Or, I mean, not just Iron Man. Iron Man is everybody's hero, right? But he...when I didn't know he was Mister Stark and thought he was just Mister Carbonell, he was still my hero. Because he...he took care of Aunt May and me. He walked with me to the store every week for groceries, and he helped us on the anniversary of...of Uncle Ben's death."

He gulped, then plowed on before he could lose courage.

"I don't really remember my parents. It was just me and Aunt May and Uncle Ben. And I miss Uncle Ben, like, a lot. Mister Stark doesn't take his place and he never tried to. But...even though I love Aunt May, we were really lonely before we had Mister Stark and then Miss Pepper and the others."

Peter felt like he wasn't saying things right. He stopped, unclenched his hands, and took a deep breath.

"Mister Stark loves me like he said. Like I'm...his kid. And I…"

Judge Nowak looked into his eyes. "It's okay, Peter. You are safe to say whatever you want to say."

He nodded. "When...when they told me about the guardianship thing, I was...well, I was really happy. Because Mister Stark is my family just like Aunt May even though none of us are related by blood. Aunt May says blood shouldn't matter and it doesn't because I love them and they love me anyway."

Finally the words fit together in his chest and he met the judge's eyes without fear.

"And Mister Stark will be my family no matter what you decide about us because he's never going to go away and neither am I. But if you made it legal, that would be even better. Not because that makes it real because it's already real. But then...then I don't have to be scared of losing anybody else anymore."

Judge Nowak stared at Peter for a long moment, then picked up her phone on her desk.

"Send them back in, please."

Not even a second later, the door opened and Mister Stark was the first one through it. Before he sat down again, though, he paused by Peter's chair and Peter knew he was looking to see if Peter was okay. Peter tried to smile.

Mister Stark put a hand on Peter's head, not ruining his hair for once, and that was enough to settle the jumping in Peter's middle.

After everyone sat down again, Judge Nowak folded her hands before her.

"Approving shared legal guardianship is not just a rubber stamp because the potential for harm is great," she said. "Primary custody remains with the designated parent, but once these papers are signed, the child becomes a bond between adults that cannot easily be severed. Conflicts that arise between the guardians over the care of a child can become bitter, even vicious. And that is before one parent is the richest person in the world."

Peter felt hope slipping away.

"However." She took her glasses off and set them on her desk. "My job is not to assess whether or not I anticipate a falling out in the future. My job is to determine what is in the best interest of the child."

She smiled at Peter.

"May Parker, you should know that your nephew speaks very well for himself. You should be proud of him."

"Of course I am." Aunt May reached over and squeezed Peter's hand.

"We both are," Mister Stark added, and it probably wasn't supposed to sound like a challenge, but it kind of did.

"Being honest with you both, I do believe the potential for conflict in the future is great. Mister Stark's wealth and influence alone are enough to create an imbalance of power between you, and such a struggle could be devastating to Peter who clearly loves you both very much. If you haven't already, I suggest you work with a licensed family therapist to set up some firm rules and boundaries around coparenting him."

Peter's hope bubbled up again. He couldn't help himself. "Does that mean…?" He stopped as soon as he realized he'd interrupted the judge.

But Judge Nowak chuckled.

"I am hereby granting the petition to add Anthony Edward Stark as a legal guardian for the minor Peter Benjamin Parker. Whatever the future holds for you, Peter himself has made it very clear that you are a family and the least I can do is acknowledge it."

She signed the papers before her, and Peter grinned so hard his cheeks hurt.

When she finished and handed the folder over to Mister Stark's lawyer, Judge Nowak stood and leaned over her desk and held her hand out to Peter. Peter rose up out of his chair to shake it.

"I wish you a bright future with your family, Peter," she said. "I hope you all continue to be happy together."

Peter shook her hand probably too enthusiastically, but he didn't care. "We will be!"

And he knew he wasn't the only one who was sure of it from Aunt May and Mister Stark and their matching smiles.

-==OOO==-

May walked out of the courthouse feeling lighter than she had in a long time. Beside her, Peter was beaming and Tony was grinning in a way he would hate if anybody managed to catch in a picture. Not that anybody would get a chance — Happy was already waiting for them in the attached parking garage.

It would always be a risk, May knew, that somebody might spot them and identify Tony and turn her life and Peter's life upside-down. But it was a risk worth taking. Family was always a risk worth taking.

Once they were piled safely in the big SUV with the tinted windows, Tony turned around to face them.

"So! Now that the boring legal stuff is over, how are we celebrating?"

May gave him a sly look. "You mean you didn't plan anything ridiculous and over the top for us already?"

The moment of frozen surprise on Tony's face was priceless. He recovered quickly, though. "Actually, no. Should I have?"

He didn't say it, but May knew — Tony had been worried they wouldn't get the approval. He'd been afraid to plan anything in advance because he couldn't bear facing the possibility of having to walk out without the legal acknowledgement of his relationship to her and Peter. It was the kind of thing that reminded May time and again that Tony, for all his giant reputation and unfathomable wealth and power, was no different from her. Still subject to uncertainty and doubt and second-guessing.

How few people remembered that Iron Man wasn't made of iron at all, but flesh, blood, and heart.

"Um," Peter said. "I mean, if there aren't any plans, and we don't have to do this today, but…"

"What is it, kiddo?" Tony asked. "Got an idea?"

"Not exactly that. Just...now that this is all done, there's something…"

"It's fine, Peter. Just tell us," May said.

Peter looked up, his brown eyes serious. "I really want to tell Ned about Mister Stark."

May felt herself staring at him. "Honey…"

"I know that we didn't want anybody to know," Peter said, interrupting. "I know. But he's my best friend and he has been since we were babies. And he knows everything about me except this and it's the most important thing and…" He swallowed. "He's my best friend," he said again.

May glanced at Tony, but Tony's face had gone soft. "He's kind of your family, too, huh?"

Peter nodded.

"Can he keep a secret?" Tony asked.

"Um, like, probably?" Now he looked abashed. "Ned is going to freak out, no matter what. I just think...if he does it when we know it's coming, he's less likely to do it in the middle of school or something."

"It would be hard to keep from him when you're at Midtown together," May said. "But I'm not sure it's fair to tell Ned without his parents knowing, too."

"Oh, that's a good point," Peter said. "Yeah, Ned can't not tell his mom literally everything ever."

"May, what do you think?" Tony asked.

"Tony…" That was Happy, sounding anything but.

"I know, I know, paranoia and whatnot." Tony flapped a hand at him. "Didn't ask you. May?"

She considered. "Ned is excitable. But he's always been there for Peter. I think...if we give him enough time to get used to the idea, by the time school comes around he might be okay. And…" She glanced at Peter. "I think it would be good for Peter to have a friend he can talk to about things, if he needs it. And, no offense, but the Avengers don't count."

Tony nodded. "If I get Pepper to write us some NDAs for the whole family, we could tell them this weekend." He winked at Peter. "Once he knows about me, you could invite him to your birthday."

"Oh wow." Peter's whole face lit up. "Yeah! Can we?"

May and Tony exchanged a speaking glance.

-==OOO==-

Two days later, May and Peter sat, equally nervous, in the Italian restaurant at the base of the Tower.

May had told the Leeds that she and Peter had won a certificate for a free dinner there and wanted to share their night out — and since it had been ages since May and Ned's parents had spent time together, they agreed.

The restaurant was chosen, of course, because Pepper and Tony owned it and could make sure to keep it empty of other patrons that night so they could have privacy for the discussion. Also, everyone who worked at the restaurant already knew Tony and May and Peter, and had been scared by Pepper and Happy, signed various legal agreements, and generally were about as safe as anyone could be.

May and Peter were sitting facing the entrance, so they saw the Leeds family as soon as they entered. Peter rose out of his chair and waved. "Ned!"

"Hey Peter!" Ned darted over, his mom and dad trailing after him. "How cool is it that we're actually in Avengers Tower? There could be actual Avengers upstairs!"

May chuckled; there were definitely Avengers upstairs, and it wasn't even completely out of the realm of possibility that any of them were watching JARVIS's camera feeds right now.

May watched the two of them do their complicated handshake and smiled at Ned's parents. "I'm so glad you could join us."

"Thank you for inviting us," Tala said, smiling in return. "It's not often we get the chance to visit this part of the city."

"How have you been?" Jonah asked, holding the chair for his wife before he sat.

May really liked Ned's parents. Jonah was tall and broad with an open face and a ready smile. Tala, in comparison, was a tiny woman who didn't even reach five feet in height, and yet she was as warm and kind as her son. Her own mother, Ned's grandmother, was an absolute firecracker of a woman who had brought her whole family to New York to give them better lives without ever sacrificing an inch of their own Filipino culture. Ned's father was only half Filipino; his father had been an American ex-pat who fell in love with a woman, a culture, and an island all at the same time.

Ned had a host of cousins on both sides of the family, but he had never seemed to view Peter as anything other than his long-lost brother. And Ned's parents were very much the same. They had celebrated Peter's birthday for years, had talked to him about school when he invaded their house every week for sleepovers, had offered rides to see movies when May was working.

Peter was right, May realized. It's long past time we told them about Tony. They're family, too.

She chatted with Jonah and Tala for a few minutes, catching up about little things while Peter and Ned leaned over Ned's phone watching something and laughing.

May had planned Tony's entrance, so, once she felt everyone was starting to settle, she took a deep breath.

"There's something Peter and I need to tell you," she said.

Ned's head snapped up. "Oh my god. Peter, tell me this isn't a thing where May got a new job and you're, like, moving to Nebraska or something. Because that would be really not good and we're finally going to be in school together again..."

Tala leaned over and patted her son on the shoulder. "Let May finish, Ned."

"Nebraska?" Peter asked. "Really?"

"Sorry, I tried to think of the most boring place ever." He turned beseeching eyes on May. "You're not moving? Right? Because I literally cannot handle that."

"No, we're not going anywhere," May said.

Ned collapsed against his chair. "So scary. Don't do that, Aunt May."

She smiled at him. He'd always called her 'Aunt May' because that's what Peter called her. And because of that, Ned had become the one person who had ever changed Peter's mind about what to call a grown-up.

Tony is going to throw a fit when he finds out that there are adults Peter calls something other than Mister and Missus.

Maybe it'll finally be the push Peter needs.

Only my kid would be so weirdly stubborn about that.

"You know that Mister Carbonell has become a fixture in our lives," May began, watching Peter get nervous about it.

Jonah nodded. "Still curious about him, though." He smiled to take any bite out of his words.

"That's part of why we're here. We wanted you to meet him finally, especially because," May glanced at Peter before saying, "as of this week, Tony has shared guardianship over Peter."

"Oh wow!" Ned grinned. "That's so cool! So is he, like, your dad now?"

"Not really?" Even Peter didn't sound sure, and May winked at the Leeds. "He just...he can sign me out of school or whatever if Aunt May isn't around."

"So," May said, rescuing Peter before he lost his nerve, "we thought it was time for you to get to know him. But, well." She spotted the familiar squared shoulders entering the restaurant and took a breath. "There's something you need to know about him."

Peter looked up at Ned. "Um, his name's not really Mister Carbonell."

"Nope!" And there was Tony Stark in all his smug glory, grinning at the suddenly startled table. "Hi. Tony Stark. Nice to meet you finally."

May was going to get pictures from JARVIS later. Jonah and Tala were staring, wide eyed. Ned looked like he'd been speared by a pole.

"Oh...my...god." Ned turned his shocked expression to Peter. "Your...your legal guardian dad is Tony Stark!"

Peter broke into a laugh. "I know!"

"But...Tony Stark!"

"Yep, that's me." Tony took the open seat between May and Peter. "Nice to meet you finally, Ned. Ted? Zed?"

Ned was very close to hyperventilating. "Oh my god. Tony Stark knows my name. This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me." He managed to wrench his gaze up to the man in question. "You're on my wall and you're a genius and it's such an honor and I kinda want your autograph and you can call me anything you want and I will tattoo it on my forehead. Sir."

"Ned!" Tala was torn between laughter and mortification. "No forehead tattoos!"

"I love that that's your objection," Tony said.

"Well, of course." Tala smiled at him and it almost looked calm. "I can't do anything about his hero-worship."

"Which will probably get worse now that you're...actually here." Jonah reached across the table. "Jonah Leeds. It's an honor to meet you, sir."

"It's a pleasure for me," Tony said, and May could tell he was being sincere. "You've been important to Peter and May for a long time."

"Well, thank you for taking such good care of them for us. I'm Tala." She shook his hand next. "But I hope you know what you're in for with the two of them now, Mister Stark."

"Call me Tony," he said, winking. "I'm expecting a fair amount of fanboying, some stuttering, possibly a few inappropriate questions, and more of the same for the next...what, five or six visits?"

"I think you're being optimistic," May said, gesturing at where Ned was still staring. "He might not be normal until January."

"Hey," Ned objected, "it's not my fault that I'm meeting the actual Tony Stark. I am not prepared. There was no preparing for this."

"Also," Peter put in, smirking, "Ned's never normal."

"I don't think you get to hold yourself up as a paragon of normality, either, mini me," Tony told him.

Ned's eyes went wide all over again. "Oh my god, he called you 'mini me,' Peter!"

"Yeah, he does that." Peter rubbed at the back of his neck.

"Hang out long enough and you'll get a nickname, too," May said.

Ned looked like he might faint. Tala handed him a glass of water.

"Drink this, dear, and try to breathe."

"Well, while Nedward over there settles into the new reality, shall we get this dinner started?" Tony asked. "Teenagers need to eat every ten minutes, or at least that's how it seems, and it's entirely possible I missed lunch, so…"

Peter immediately looked away from where he and Ned had been exchanging silent glances and gestures of their own sign-language. "Mister Stark! You didn't!"

"Afraid so, Underoos. The Mark 53 isn't going to build itself."

Ned's hysteria was interrupted by Tony signaling the waiter to finally come forward to give them menus. By the time they had drinks, the kid almost looked like his usual self even if his eyes were weirdly round every time he glanced at Tony. On the other hand, Jonah and Tala were taking things in stride.

"So, Peter," Jonah asked, "I know you've had some success with building bots lately. What's it like learning from Tony Stark himself?"

"It's awesome!" Peter enthused. "Mister Stark invites me into his lab here in the Tower so I can see how he built some of his bots and even JARVIS the AI who runs the building. It's so cool."

"Does that mean you won't be over to our place for Legos anymore now that you have actual robots to build?" Tala teased.

"Aw, come on, Tita." Peter shook his head. "Legos are different." He glanced at Ned and smiled. "Legos are sacred."

"Awesome." And Ned initiated the shorter version of their handshake.

"Wait, stop right there," Tony said.

May started to laugh.

Tony ignored her, pinning Peter with a glare. "What exactly did you call Missus Leeds over there?"

"Uh." Peter's face showed he realized he'd made a great tactical error. "Um. Well, I've known her forever, and Ned calls Aunt May 'aunt' too, so it's like a cultural…thing…and…"

May was having way too much fun with Peter's consternation, but it felt good after so much else to just laugh, so she did.

"No, unacceptable." Tony held up a hand. "Leeds family, I'm recruiting you. Giving you homework. Whatever. In the name of Parker friendship, I need your assistance. Urgently."

"What can we do for you?" Jonah asked, his eyes already dancing.

"Whatever magic you used to get Pete to call you anything other than 'mister' and 'missus,' you gotta work it for me. I'm his legal guardian and I can't get the kid to call me Tony."

"Peter, Iron Man wants you to call him Tony!" Ned almost yelled, shaking Peter's elbow.

Oh, kid, wait until you find out that the entire Avengers roster is trying to get on a first-name basis with him, too, May thought, and laughed harder.

Peter groaned and buried his face in his arms on the table. He muttered something unintelligible.

Except, apparently, to Ned who spoke fluent muffled-Peter-in-distress. "You call him padrino?"

"Sometimes," Peter said more clearly. "Like...not a lot."

Ned wiped his hands on his face. "Tony Stark is your legal guardian dad, you get to play in his lab, he calls you nicknames, and you have one for him and...this is definitely the best day of my life and the coolest thing to happen to anybody ever in the universe."

"And if you can convince him to call me Tony," Tony said, "I will guarantee you a personal tour of the Avengers Compound and autographs by every single Avenger and your pick of the latest StarkPhone models for you and your parents."

"Are you bribing our kid, Mister Stark?" Tala asked, arching an eyebrow.

Tony grinned at her. "I dunno. Will it work?"

"Oh my god, it will totally work," Ned gushed. "I will get him to call you Tony or die trying. I promise."

"Ned, you traitor," Peter groused.

"Oh, speaking of the Avengers," May said, enjoying Peter's suffering way too much, "Ned, how would you and your parents like to come to Peter's birthday party? I think a few of them will be there." She grinned. "And by 'a few,' I really mean all of them."

Ned's screech of joy could be heard two floors up.