A light breeze whispered across beaming orange waves that crashed against the ship. Sea spray misted onto Levi's relaxed face as he leaned over the rails, making the air taste like salt on his lips. The dancing of the ocean in the unending horizon kept him in a steady trance — there was a beauty to it that the seasoned soldier wanted to stop to embrace, even for a moment.
Years ago growing up in the Underground, he'd never even imagined a world covered in sunlight, let alone the blue-turned-red desert of water ahead of him. Captain Levi had seen the sunset many times during battle, but this marked the first time he's gotten to simply... watch. The color of the golden hour sun mixed with his deep blue eyes. Not bad, he wanted to say aloud — until his peaceful moment was interrupted by Connie throwing up over the railing not too far from him.
"Sorry, Cap... Just a little seasick, hah!" A dribble of puke still rested on the poor guy's chin as he smiled awkwardly at the captain. Levi quickly chucked a white linen handkerchief just in time before Connie attempted to wipe the vomit with the sleeve of his tailored coat. The queasy soldier took two quick swipes of his mouth before he attempted to hand it back to Levi, whose face was winced with disgust.
"For fuck's sake, just keep it. I insist." Levi took a step back before grabbing the spare linen handkerchief that always resided in his back pocket, and gently wiped his own hands though he had zero contact with the vomiting boy. He searched around the deck as Connie thanked him. "Connie, how are the others?"
Connie pushed off of the railing and stuffed the dirty linen into his pocket, making a mental note to do laundry as soon as he got back to his cabin. "All asleep already, Captain. Ah—except Mikasa..." Levi's eyes turned towards the cabins as Connie continued. "She seemed… Well, you know… Ever since..." A tinge of worry grew in his yellow eyes before the two men fell painstakingly silent. The sun finally slipped beneath the horizon, and the water began to shift to a hazy purple.
It was hard for Connie to talk about it — it was hard for Levi to talk about it, too. The entire reconnaissance squad came to the enemy land of Marley. All of them. Yet they were on the ship again returning to their home, Paradis Island, without Eren Jaeger.
Where he went, no one knew; not even Mikasa, who seemed to always have permanent tabs on him. Mikasa who, not too long ago, cheerfully ate her fifth serving of market ice cream and laughed at Levi for not liking sweets. Mikasa, who blushed when the Captain complimented the blue of her bowler hat. Mikasa, who Levi carried back to her room when the Scouts got too drunk in Ramzi's village.
A smiling and laughing Mikasa, now utterly depressed.
Connie bade the Captain a 'night as he shuffled on the swaying deck back to his room, stomach still unsettled — leaving Levi alone staring at a sky that slowly began to fade to navy blue. Dim stars began to peek out to keep the lonesome captain accompanied in his lost thoughts.
Levi couldn't really admit it, but he felt responsible for it all. Not regretful, just... responsible. And maybe not so much responsible for that damn Jaeger disappearing, but for the current state of Mikasa Ackerman.
When Mikasa found out Eren was gone, she panicked. Three days of searching to no avail. In the end, it was Levi who made the stern and final decision to leave without Eren, for ruining their cover in enemy territory was not worth the risk. When she begged Levi to leave her behind in Marley that morning, he could've sworn Mikasa had the same detesting look in her eyes when she first saw Levi beating Eren to a pulp at the first military trial.
Shit. The idea of his right-hand woman loathing him used to be mildly amusing in earlier years, but this time felt much different. Levi paced back and forth, more restless than usual at the thought that perhaps some of this was his own fault to blame. How the hell do I cheer up that gloomy brat? Ice cream? Flowe—what flowers does she even like? What the hell could cheer up a woman like Mikasa Ackerman?
Levi took a deep breath. The pacing and questions of ice cream and flowers came to a halt as he lifted his solemn face from his polished shoes to the stars that were glowing bright above him now. The cool night breeze sent a chill up his spine beneath his white collared shirt and twill jacket.
The night view of microcosmos glimmering across the calm waters was unbelievably beautiful now. Just the sight brought Levi back to his training days with Isabel and Farlan; late nights staring up at the sky from the castle walls dreaming of the future, back when dreaming of a future felt possible. Of all the people in the world, those two were the only ones who mattered to him. "Life is good, bro!" he remembered Farlan's words vividly, "As long as you've got people to love." He blinked, still staring at the skies, still contemplating that thought; people, someone to love.
Did Levi even have that now that Farlan and Isabel were gone?
His curious eyes continued to wander the skies until he locked onto a single star; larger than the others, it glowed blue and much brighter than the hundreds—no—thousands of others that surrounded it. No matter where Levi looked in the ocean of lights, he found himself staring at that blue star again and again. It was the only one that begged for his attention. It was a gem, one of a kind, rare, admirable, and nothing else shined like it in the darkness. He wondered what made it glowed the way it did, and how the hell it was the only one he could see. He gulped, and his heart swelled for a moment.
It reminded him a lot of—
"Captain...?"
A soft voice arose from behind Levi, catching him by surprise. He looked over his tensed shoulder to see the very woman of his thoughts peeking at him with tired and heavy eyes. Judging by the nightgown under her pink cardigan and the bedhead, Levi knew she was just as surprised as he was to see anyone on the deck this late into the night. "Mikasa, you should be resting."
Mikasa chuckled, bringing a flood of relief to the man who thought she detested him. She let out a slow sigh from her lips. "I could be saying the same to you, Captain." Her dainty hand lifted to her short raven hair as she shuffled the strands back into place, suddenly embarrassed at her unkempt appearance in front of her superior. Levi finally faced her and watched as she sluggishly brushed off her wrinkled clothes. An amused smirk fell on his face as he found the rare scene of a disheveled and embarrassed Mikasa strangely endearing.
His head tilted as he stared at her. There was something missing.
"Your scarf—" Levi bit his tongue wishing he hadn't brought up the sensitive subject; the crimson cloth Eren Jaeger had given her thirteen years ago that she'd never been seen without. He expected the brat to burst into tears, run back to her room and curse him. Instead, she simply came forward to stand closely beside him. Levi relaxed, and both gazed out towards the dark of the sea together.
She leaned onto the railing of the boat and pouted. "I... Don't want to wear the scarf these days."
Mikasa was strong. Levi always knew this. Hell, she was humanity's strongest — second to himself — and he could always rely on her strength on their missions. Yet somehow, even in the midst of her bedridden and sullen sadness, even in the moment she felt completely betrayed by the man she loved, she seemed even stronger in this moment. He knew she was pushing forward. He felt it. Memories of years ago flashed to Levi; the moment of giving away Petra's patch to a soldier who needed it more. He knew exactly what that scarf meant to Mikasa, and how much more it meant for her to put it aside, even for this bitter night.
The breeze picked up and turned cold, making the strands of black hair dance around Mikasa's beautiful face. Her cheeks had become sunken in and her skin looked dull from days straight of crying, yet Mikasa undoubtedly remained the most stunning woman Levi had ever known — for far more reasons than the bit of wind that caressed her face or the moonlight that reflected brightly off of her porcelain skin. In Levi's eyes, Mikasa was glowing. He blinked.
A star that shines brighter than the others.
"Mikasa, I hope you know..." Levi cleared his throat, turning again to the abyss of the sea. "I wanted to find Eren. We really tried." He pivoted, leaning back onto the railing and pulling his hands into the pockets of his trousers to avoid fidgeting in front of her. "But we had to leave. We had to prioritize our mission. I couldn't leave you behind." He couldn't even look at her anymore.
"You were right, though, Captain." Mikasa wrapped her thin cardigan around herself tightly. "I couldn't have stayed there. I don't know what would've happened to me if I did. But..." She paused as her voice trembled, then turned her face to Levi again. "...Why didn't you just leave me?" She shook her head, thinking of her parents and now, Eren. "Everyone leaves."
More memories flashed of begging Levi to leave her in Marley — she remembered the gentle voice of her Captain as he told her to calm down, and his surprisingly delicate touch as he held her arms from her defiant hits. Mikasa knew she could've been punished for her insubordination, but in that state of panic, nothing mattered. At the time and in the height of her emotions, she'd have preferred to fall dead than move forward knowing Eren willingly left her, and that she may never see him again.
But she remembered the tender words Levi said to her at that moment; words she had never once heard from Eren. If she hadn't cried so much earlier in the day, she would have had more tears to shed at that moment.
"Stay with me, Mikasa. I'll never leave you behind."
Levi stopped to ponder her question. "Mikasa." He directly faced her now, voice strong and reassuring, "I stand by my word to you that day. You have no reason to doubt me." He couldn't bring himself to directly say it, but at that time when Mikasa screamed to leave her, Levi knew that wasn't what she actually wanted.
He quietly laughed before patting Mikasa's head. His hand lingered for a moment before pulling back to himself. "A certain gloomy brat who begged to be left behind was just asking for someone to stay beside her. So I took it upon myself to do just that." Levi looked far out to the calm sea now, unnerved by how openly he was talking now. "But I also need to keep that brat safe."
Levi realized he gave Mikasa his promise that day not to temporarily ease and shut her emotions, but because it's a promise he knew he had already internalized for years. He would never leave Mikasa's side, and he knew her pained heart needed to hear that, especially now. It wasn't because he didn't think she was capable of taking care of herself if she was alone — because hell, she was Mikasa Ackerman — he simply knew she shouldn't be alone. And if his pride didn't hold him back from admitting it, Levi didn't want to be without Mikasa.
"If staying back there to find the shitty guy was actually what you wanted—" he paused, "...If that's still truly what you want, Mikasa, I would turn this boat around for you." Her eyes narrowed and she listened closely as Levi spoke. "And I would go with you. I told you, I'm not leaving you behind, Ackerman."
Mikasa, taken aback, laid her eyes on Levi and noticed the steel color now staring through the curtain of his hair that always hung at just the right height. There was a gentleness in Levi's eyes — he didn't look at her with pity as she expected. Rather, there was deep intent; the kind that someone begging you to understand would give. And she did understand: Levi truly wasn't going anywhere. Mikasa shivered and her shoulders tensed from the brisk air or... something else.
Levi took his suit jacket off with ease and delicately placed it on Mikasa's shoulders. Not surprisingly so, the jacket smelled clean and crisp. Warm. Comforting. Her face flushed with a tinge of red, and both soldiers' eyes were locked onto each other's now. She could always describe Levi as clean and crisp, being the clean-freak that he is, but… Warm? Comforting? Loving? Was that really what he was being to her right now?
It reminded her much of the moment Eren wrapped that scarf around her. There was a sense of absolute safety and security then, she thought; a sense of saving her from the abyss, and that was the moment she fell in love with…
Mikasa suddenly shot back from the railing, breathing heavily and startling Levi. "Mikasa? Mikasa, what's wrong?"
She was utterly overwhelmed. The concern in his voice. The sincerity in the way Levi now stepped towards her. The care in his words. The undoubted promise of never leaving. The sweet sound of her name rolling off of his tongue. And that fucking warmth in his gentle eyes as he looked at her.
"I need to go, Captain." Mikasa didn't spare a look as she retreated and bolted to her room; didn't even stop as she listened to Levi calling out her name. She couldn't handle any of it.
Mikasa had loved Eren all her life, and it hit her: she had never once been loved back by Eren. She had never seen Eren look at her the way Levi did just now. Never once heard that concern in his voice, or felt thatsincerity from him. She could never hear Eren promising he'd never leave her; if he ever would, it would never feel secure with her.
Mikasa had never truly felt loved and cared for by any man, until now.
Levi...?
She shut the door behind her, sliding her back down against it til she met the ground. Mikasa didn't think there were more pathetic tears to cry, but there they flowed again. She wiped her face with the sleeve of Levi's jacket still on her shoulders, and stared at the fabric. His steel eyes flashed in her mind once again. When did she first see that in Levi's eyes? Her head softly fell back against the door as she looked up, tears still welled up. Levi has always been like that, hasn't he?
The thought of experiencing intimacy from someone new felt frighteningly comforting and terrifying all at the same time. But Mikasa's heart continued to ache. Loving Eren was like growing a flower in a dream that could never come true. When he disappeared, he chose to leave her. And if that's what love with Eren will always be like, there is only so much of that love her heart can handle. Mikasa bit her bottom lip. She couldn't admit just yet that she wanted something that was secure and safe.
Levi.
Mikasa continually repeated his name on the tip of her tongue, like a calming chant, until she fell asleep on the cool ground in her tender captain's warm jacket.
...
Levi remained in standstill, in complete shock at the sudden sight of Mikasa Ackerman running away just moments earlier. He supposed he could've ran towards her, but Levi could read that damn girl like an open book, and she simply just needed space. Levi was eternally patient with her — how could he not be? And as he looked up at that glowing blue star once again, his lips curled upwards as the realization settled in.
Shit. I'm in love with that damn woman, aren't I?
He stirred in all the words that were said, and the words that weren't. "Goddammit, Farlan," he kicked a pebble on the deck, chuckling quietly to himself before repeating his old friend's words aloud, "Life is good as long as you have someone to love." Levi walked past Mikasa's door and into his room. Thoughts of the raven-haired woman's smile lulled the lovestruck captain to a rare slumber.
...
A knock.
Levi shot out of the uncomfortable chair he fell asleep in, surprised at being able to dream through the bright morning sunbeams. His head thrummed with a slight ache, and he was unsure if it was due to the stress of last night or the rigid chair he used as his bed of the swaying boat. He opened the door of his cabin, and there stood Mikasa before him — a look of determination painted on her face.
"Levi. I want to go back to Marley. I want us to go together."
"Let's go, then."