Well, here is some more for all of you who liked the first part. A big thank you to the Council Of Elrond for archiving the first part! Go check out their lovely site.

We continue our story several days after we last left off.

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Gollum followed our *coughgagcough* three brave heroes through Random Wilderness and Sue put up with him for a time, but before long he was rather creeping her out with all of those conversations with himself. That and she was sure that he was plotting with the Ring to get rid of her. What she didn't realize was that Sam and Frodo were in on it too. The anti-Sue plotting would have gone a lot faster if she hadn't been playing her darn lute all of the time. It confused Sam and Frodo enough that they walked into each other a lot. And almost over a few cliffs. Gollum writhed in pain every time he heard her voice, and she distressed the Ring so much that is took refuge in a large ball of lint in Frodo's pocket and tried it's best to stay away from her. The singing really was bad enough, it figured, but the looks she was giving it when she thought no one was looking made the poor Ring wish it could grow legs and run away. She did fall in once when she was looking at the Ring, and Frodo had to save her. She was making such a racket that he had no other choice. She was attracting Nazgul on Wings (rather like Disney on Ice, but more... morbid).

She gets them through the Dead Marshes without mishap. Though Sam finds that she steers him through a lot of puddles. Gollum leads the way out and they gaze at the towering walls of Mordor. Sue gazed up at the high walls of Mordor from a small ridge, and the Hobbits are unable to tear their gazes away from her as she stands silhouetted against the setting sun, which turns her hair to spun gold, and shows off her excellent figure. Before anyone can say anything sappy, a troop of heavily armored solders tramps through the gate and everyone realizes that getting into Mordor that way is fruitless. Sue voices it just in case no one had figured it out yet. Gollum argued that no one said anything about getting into Mordor, they just wanted to see the gate. So there. He linged at Sue trying to make her jump, but she glared him down.

She leaned close to Frodo, eyed the Ring, and began to sing softly. Frodo quickly backed away... and slid down the hill. Horrified at his carelessness, he is, after all the ring bearer, Sue tore down the hill after him and threw her cloak over the two of them. There were sounds of scuffling coming from underneath, and Sam and even Gollum rushed down to save Frodo from a fate worse than death. The Kiss of Sue. They pulled the cloak off to find Frodo frantically pushing Sue away from him, his face flushed and covered with lipstick kisses. His eyes were huge. Sue looked miffed that her impromptu make out session had been interrupted, but secretly, inside, she was thrilled. She had the Ring in her possession.

It only took Frodo a second to realize that it was missing, demand that it be given back, and have it returned. Sue had the nerve to look confused and wonder how it had gotten into her pocket.

Once everyone had calmed down, they made plans to find another way into Mordor. Gollum mentioned an alternate route and it was agreed on. He led them to the South, and when they stopped for the night Sue cooked for them. It was delicious of course. Sam recited poetry about the Oliphaunt and Sue recited a thinly veiled and badly written epic poem of a great love story between a brave blue eyed Hobbit, and a lovely golden haired Hobbit Maid whose love stood the test of time. Though both died in battle attempting to save the other, they met up in the end in the Undying Lands. This sickened everyone enough that they decided lute playing might kill them they had all had enough of Sue and promptly pretended to fall asleep.

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They awoke the next morning in the middle of a battle and Sue thought at once that her grand epic poem was coming true. Then she locked eyes with Faramir and she was a goner. Faramir tried very hard not to be overcome by the lovely Hobbit maid with the gaudy tiara, but he couldn't seem to help himself. He collected all three Hobbits and Gollum and took them to his cave. Sue explained their mission as best she could without giving away the part about the Ring, and then she and Faramir settled down to discuss strategy. Sue was an excellent plotter of strategy. After all, hadn't she plotted the whole journey so far? Gollum tried to escape and drown himself in the Forbidden Pool when she started struming her lute once again. He figured that if that didn't work someone might shoot him and put him out of his misery. Forbidden pools aren't named forbidden pools for nothing you know.

Sue was all for getting rid of Gollum, he was really creeping her out lately, but when Frodo tried to throw himself in after Gollum (Gollum had a good idea. Frodo could kill two birds with one stone. He could get away from Sue and he wouldn't have to carry on with his endless quest either) she pulled him back and demanded that if Frodo was so attached to his creepy servant, then Gollum really should be spared. everyone applauded her goodness.

Faramir resisted Sue's advances and got out of Dodge, er, Gondor, as fast as he could. Having seen Faramir's map and heard Gollum's explaination of how to get into Mordor, Sue figured that Gollum really was not needed anymore. Since Faramir and all of his yummy men had left in the night there was no need to stay in the cave a minute longer. The sooner the quest was over, the sooner Sue could convince Frodo to marry her and they could live happily ever after in her father's palace. The old geezer was due to kick the bucket any time now and she and Frodo would rule as King and Queen of the Shire. So, Sue kicked Gollum out. He ambled off, looking nothing like the walking dead man she assumed him to be and once he got around a corner where she couldn't see him anymore, he did a little jig. Rather than looking happy about the departure of his least favorite person, Sam watched him walk off with something akin to envy written on his face.

With the loss of their guide, Sam and Frodo couldn't help but wonder how the three of them could possibly make it to Mordor without Gollum, as none of them had ever been there before. But, never fear, Sue is here! It turns out that she has second sight and is an unerring judge of direction.

We end with Sue and Company striding purposefully through Random Wilderness on their way to Mordor, though out of the Corner of her eyes she sees the Ring glinting seductively from under Frodo's shirt.

Thus ends The Two Towers: According to Sue

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Unfortunately, I have no idea how Peter Jackson will finish off his last movie, so, until Return of the King comes out, I have no idea what Sue will do. This story will be updated in December. But I am thinking of doing a story for Legolas and possibly Aragorn. If you have any suggestions, tell, tell, tell. I appreciate all the feedback I can get.

Oh. And flames will, of course, be used to makes smores. Pass the Gram crackers please.