Disclaimer: i own nothing (man that sounds depressing!)
a/n: what do u guys think of the new user name? i was tired of the old one and wanted to try something new. i might go back to lucky estrella but for now it's gonna be pretty in pink (but don't worry, its still the same ol' me!) hopefully i will have a moment and sit down and write the next chapter over this weekend and have it up by next week, but we'll see (I could use a lil encouragment *wink) hope u enjoy!
Part 4: Into You
"Well you'll never find it
If your looking for it"
~The Used
A strange tension filled the house, but no one said anything because the matter was for Remus and Elizabeth to discuss amongst themselves. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had heard Remus and Elizabeth's last conversation or, rather, the lack of conversation to be more precise. Harry had been extremely thankful to Fred and George for leaving a few extendable ears for Ron and his friends to eavesdrop on important conversations. The two of them had also joined the Order, after Mrs. Weasley had given up on trying to convince them otherwise.
Other than the argument, though, things had been quiet. Dumbledore had not come since his last visit, though he had told Harry he would come see him to discuss an important issue. Snape too had not come for quiet some time, but Harry had been grateful for that. He did not want to think about returning to Hogwarts until the time was necessary. Memories of Umbridge and her cruelty still lingered in the halls of Hogwarts in his mind.
He and Elizabeth had talked once, while they were alone cleaning the formal dining room. He could tell she was nervous, and every time she opened her mouth to talk to him, tears began to form in her eyes. She had barley made it through a simple conversation about how Harry's summer schoolwork had been going. As soon as Ron and Hermione returned with tea, she quickly fleeted, but not before Harry saw the tears run down her checks. She reminded him of Cho, with her constant crying. Harry wanted to talk about her with Remus, but Remus had kept himself busy with Order business and locked himself in the old library for hours on end. If it was not for his two friends, Harry felt he might have died from boredom. That was of course before Remus fell upon Elizabeth's pensieve.
~ ~ ~
Remus left the library, this time he had been in there for a little over five hours. He did not know exactly why he was locking himself in there, day after day, but he did know that with each book he completed, he was able to push his pain further away.
He only left late hours, when he knew the house was sleeping. A few nights Elizabeth had asked to speak to him but she gave up eventually and left him alone in his misery. He had been tempted to open the door, but his pride and fear kept him in the plush leather chair. It was not until after he had heard her light foot steps creep up the stairs did he exit. He would put his hand against the wall where she would sit with her knees pulled in and her head resting on them. He would try to convince himself that if she really cared she would have waited longer for him, but inside he knew waiting three hours was more than enough. He was simply too arrogant to admit defeat to her.
Tonight he had not even heard her foot steps pace outside the door or hear her body slid down the wall to her resting position, perhaps she had finally given up on him. He had finally succeeded in pushing the last person who cared for him away.
'Congratulations Remus, you're alone again,' his better half whispered and he felt the wolf growl inside. It didn't like being wrong.
He saw a light on in the back study, the one which had been off limits at one time because it held all of Bowen Black's books on the Dark Arts, it had been given to Regulus in his will but Regulus did not live long enough to enjoy them. Most of the books were gone now, Sirius had thrown them out in a desperate effort to rid the house of the evil which possessed it, but the house was born evil, and so it would remain.
He pushed the door open to find a cramped room with empty book shelves. There was a desk in the middle of the room and the Black family crest hung on the wall behind it, between the sets of book shelves. There was something shimmering in the corner of one of the empty book shelves. It was a bowl with simple drawing along the side, and the silver liquid inside was a dead give way that it was pensieve. If only he knew whose.
He walked to it, he wasn't going to look at the memories simply catch a glimpse of whose they were, and then inform them that anyone could stumble upon them with little difficulty.
He gazed in and saw a head of dark hair from the back. 'Sirius,' he thought for a moment, 'No, it was Elizabeth.'
Before he knew what was happening he was falling into the memory and he was standing next to the young girl.
She sat on her bed, the bedroom at the top of the stairs, furthest from Bowen and Rubella's room. Her long black locks fell swiftly on her shoulders and her eyes shimmered in the mirror. She had a brush in her hand, which occasionally swept through the long layers, but mostly she stared into the reflection of herself. He heard someone at the door and found the tall and thin outline of Rubella Black watching the young girl. A smile was present on her face, something which shocked Remus. Rubella was not known for her smile.
"I always wanted a daughter, but I had two sons instead. I suppose you will be the closest thing I will ever have to a daughter," Rubella's voice was low, so low that Remus had to strain to hear. Or perhaps it was simply shock from what he was hearing.
Rubella made her way across the small space and took the brush from Elizabeth's hands and gently brushed her hair, "Your hair is like Bowen's, dark and rich. My sons have his hair too. None were given my deep golden locks. I suppose it is family tradition," she paused; Remus thought for sure she had drank too much fire whiskey, "You are so beautiful. If I had a daughter, she would be like you. She would be beautiful, but her mother would not be a mudblood. She would have been pure. Worthy of this house."
And with that Rubella gave Elizabeth a kiss on her forehead, and left the room. Remus saw Elizabeth tense at Rubella's touch. He could tell she was half afraid, and half surprised. Rubella Black tended to ignore her husband's illegitimate child. He slowly walked towards her and saw the tears running down her checks. This was the closest thing she felt to love while living in that house. Rubella Black telling her she was beautiful and that her mother was filth.
The scene suddenly blurred and Remus felt himself thrown into another memory.
He could see Elizabeth standing at the base of the steps. She looked so small in the large house. She was wearing dark blue robes which brought out the color of her eyes which matched. Her hair was open and fell gracefully on her shoulders. Something was wrong, Elizabeth wasn't allowed to have her hair open when at home, it symbolized being poor and filthy. Elizabeth's mother may have been muggle-born but as long as she was in the Black house she had to maintain her honor. The only time it was allowed to be down was in her room.
Her gaze was towards the floor and her shoulders sagging. He could feel the tension in the air. It was the calm before the storm.
He glanced down the long hallway and he could see the large outline of Bowen Black. Bowen Black was of large built but was not fat. Rather, he was well built for a man of his age. He was good five inches taller than Sirius, the tallest of the Marauders, and even caused some fear to grow in Sirius's belly when he was filled with anger. Remus looked around again; he was standing by the front door, near the steps. The portrait of Mrs. Black that was hung on the wall opposite to him was not there yet and only a small coat closet was present.
"He's gone," Remus jumped as he heard the familiar shriek of Mrs. Black, "And I bet that dirty daughter of a mudblood knows where he is. How dare he, after all we have given him."
Remus knew trouble was coming; this was the day Sirius had left Grimmauld Place. He remembered Sirius's plan of leaving in the middle of night. He told no one, not even Elizabeth, and made James and himself promise not to tell anyone.
"We have been everything to that boy for 16 years, we have clothed him, fed him, and given him everything he has desired, and now, now he decides to leave in the middle of the night. How dare he disrespect us in such a way."
Sirius's family was still ruled by the tradition of the old days. Sirius's running away was a blemish on the Black reputation. How could Rubella Black show superiority over the other members of her club when she could not even control her own family? She could never show her face at the dinner parties held by the magical elite. Remus almost wanted to laugh at the world Rubella Black had boxed herself into but he had seen the tears shine in Elizabeth's eyes and knew this was no joking matter. Elizabeth never talked about when Sirius left, leaving the Marauders to speculate over what occurred that day.
Rubella hurried down the stairs. She was thin and tall with long curved fingers which dug into skin and could leave permanent marks. Sirius had quiet a few souvenirs from her hands.
"I know you know! Where did he go? Off with that blood traitor? Those Potters, they will be the first to go. And your brother will go with them. Where did he go?" She yelled at Elizabeth. She reached towards her and shook her violently, "Where did he run off to?"
Elizabeth quivered as the realization set in, Remus could see it in her eyes. Everything suddenly had become so real. Sirius always talked about leaving Grimmauld Place but to actually go through with it. Remus knew in that moment Elizabeth had realized that Sirius was gone forever, and she remained bound to the house.
"Where has he gone to, you ingrate!? You are not fit to live in this house, and I have let you. I have taken you in, treated you like one of my own. And this, this is how you repay me." Rubella's voice shook the foundation of the house and Remus as well. She pushed her away as Elizabeth limply fell against the wall.
"I, I don't know where he is. He didn't tell me." She whispered, desperately trying to find strength, "I don't know…"
Rubella hurried down the hall and turned Bowen to face her, "She knows, I swear it. She is protecting him, or so she believes. He is our son, and he has no right to leave. No right!" Rubella screamed again, causing the bile in Remus's stomach to rise.
Remus saw Bowen's outline straighten and come towards Elizabeth who stood where Rubella had left her.
"I took you in. I gave you part of what I had because I had made a mistake with your mudblood mother. I hoped you would be true to your blood, the pure blood which has been mixed with dirt. But you have chosen another path. If you do not want to tell where your brother has gone, be it. But you will not live the life you have so far. If Sirius does not live in this house, you will know none of the comforts you knew before."
And with that Bowen took a hold of Elizabeth's upper arm, grasping it tightly enough to leave bruises which would take weeks to fade, and dragged her towards the hall closet.
Elizabeth's muscle tensed and she struggled against Bowen's strong grip, but he was much stronger than she, and there was little hope.
"I hoped you would be better than your mudblood mother, but you have proven her blood runs through your veins," Bowen roared over Elizabeth's pleads as he closed the closet door, with Elizabeth inside. He pulled out his wand and placed a silencing charm on the closet, making it impossible to hear Elizabeth's cries for release.
Remus walked towards her and placed a hand on the door, feeling the slight vibrations of her pounding on the door, but that too stopped.
With a jerk he was brought from that world and back into the present with Elizabeth standing in front of him, tears still in her dark blue eyes.
"You have no right Remus. No right whatsoever to look at my memories, to see what is inside me. You have made your choice, so let me be…" Elizabeth began but was quickly stopped when Remus's arms wrapped around her frame and muffled her voice.
She tried to stay strong, to remember that things were different, but at times she felt like she was still in that tiny closet, locked from the world and only Remus made what was real, real again. Only he could make it all better and soon her words became muffled sobs which filled the small room.
Remus didn't know how long he held her, but he waited for her sobs to subside and her breathing to return to normal, before he began.
"I'm sorry Elizabeth. I should have thought before I said everything to you. I should have realized this is hard for you. I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair, taking in deep breaths of her essence, of her being.
She stiffened in his arms and he knew what she was going to ask, and he still did not have a reply.
"Can you forgive me for not returning?"
The room filled with silence, and this was enough for Elizabeth to know Remus's reply. She wanted to leave, but her muscles refused. They stood there nervously, waiting for the other to speak and eventually Remus's hushed voice filled the room.
"You are asking too much of me Elizabeth. If that is what you desire, I cannot give it to you," he turned to leave but felt Elizabeth reach for his hand.
"I want you Remus, just to be able to feel your breath against my neck, to feel your arms holding me safe. I just want to feel safe again Remus, not even happy, just safe."
He kissed her forehead and nodded, this was something he could do…
~Ooo…wow…that was sooo much more melodramatic than what I planned (but I cant bear to cut any of it)
As always I want to thank all my reviewers:
sexiglassesSNOG: if u wrote something i would definetly read it! thanx for the review, it really gave me confidence!
jkw1588: i knew u couldn't wait so i tried to update asap! hope u didn't have to wait too long :)
Bell: thanx for reading my story (maybe me updating will convince u to add to ur wonderful story soon)
Psyhconut: thanks for the bribe (chocolate always makes ppl update sooner!) hopefully me updating will get u to add another chappie too!
Song credit: "Blue and Yellow" by the Used