~*~Round I: Kikyo vs. Kagome~*~
Satisfied that the audience was neither in fear for their lives nor going to cause any more trouble, she continues.
Mitsuno: "Konnichiwa, peoples, y bienvenidos a la programa Anime GrudgeMatch 2003! I'm your host/commentator, Mitsuno!"
Sairen: "Ciao, everybody! Je'mevel Sairen, the kwaii co-host/co-commentator!"
VIP: O.O "Do you have any idea how many languages you just mixed up?"
(DarkFlame: *at her keyboard typing* "hehe, i LOVE doing that! i just hope i spelled everything right, lol!")
Sairen: "We cater to all of our audiences, hon."
Mitsuno: "As you can probably tell, the crowd for this one's quite diverse...in a feudal Japan sort of way."
Sairen: "That it is, Mitsuno, that it is. And let's not forget those demons who found their way out of the blackest pits of hell just to come see the cast of Inu Yasha rip each other to pieces!"
Mitsuno: "Speaking of hell, let's find out who our guest is, shall we?"
VIP: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Sairen: "Nothing; besides the fact that we all expect to see you there some time soon"
Mitsuno: "Sairen!"
Sairen: "What? After everything he's done I wanna kick his ass!"
Mitsuno: *runs hand through hair* "I am very well aware of his reputation as a conniving bastard--"
VIP: "Ok, that was just low."
Mitsuno: *talks right over him* "--but, for some sick reason, you're one of Dairen and Saiyans' heroes. Ladies and gents, the villain who we love to hate--or hate to love, if you're a demon-- NARAKU!"
Sairen: "Welcome to the show, bitch!"
Naraku: *eye twitch* "Do you have any idea of the pain I can inflict upon you, woman?"
Sairen: "I'm an Elemental, one of the most feared apparitions in this time. What can you POSSIBLY do to me that I can't do ten times more painfully to you?"
Naraku: *annoyed yet intrigued* "Wanna find out? Ring's right over there, my dear."
Mitsuno: "Hey, hey! Remember the deal--"
Sairen: "Yeah, yeah, no slaughtering the cast. So let's introduce our first fight so they can start doing the job for us!"
*Audience cheers*
Naraku: "You know, for an annoying co-host, I like the way you think."
Mitsuno: "Obviously, our fighters aren't the only ones with grudges."
*Naraku and Sairen stare each other down*
Mitsuno: *just ignores them* "Despite practically being the same person, these two mikos are duking it out over the same guy."
Sairen: *sticks her tongue out at Naraku*
Naraku: *raises an eyebrow* " 'that an offer?"
Mitsuno: O.o
Sairen: -_-;; "Entering on the left, she's the first warden of both the Shikon jewel and Inuyasha's heart and she does not like sharing either one. Let's hear it for Kikyo!"
*The priestess enters the arena to the tune "Living Dead Girl" in her usual outfit, complete with a bow and full quiver. Apparently, neither demons nor humans take to her well, judging by her not-so-warm welcome. Kikyo fires a few arrows into the demon side of the crowd; a few bright balls of pink light flash for a second. Suddenly, there are a dozen or so empty seats.*
Sairen: "Wow, those were direct hits! Hopefully the challenger can deal with this better than her first targets."
Mitsuno: "Coming from a different time, she picked up where Kikyo left off after her death, and plans on collecting and mending the shards of the Jewel of Four Souls and Inuyasha's heart while she's at it."
Naraku: "My, aren't we getting poetic." *rolls eyes*
Mitsuno: ^____________^ "Playing hooky to fight demons, give it up for the reincarnated Kikyo--aka: Kagome!"
*With "Do You Think I'm a Whore?" in the background, Kagome enters waving to the crowd in her usual school uniform; like Kikyo, she has a bow and arrow as well. Unlike Kikyo, who looks as cold as ever, the guys especially take to her.*
Kagome: *nervous laughter* "Um...hi, everyone."
Naraku: "Interesting. Why does neither girl have any of the shards of the Shikon jewel on them?"
Sairen: *tsch* "Some of us don't need an outside power source."
Mitsuno: "Oh, dear. I love them both--who do I root for?"
Naraku: "Who ever's winning?"
Sairen: *raises eyebrow* "I thought you had the hots for Kikyo? You practically lost your humanity for her and the jewel!"
Naraku: *on the defensive* "First of all, I desire the jewel--"
Sairen: "Rrrriiiiiitttttteeeeee...."
Naraku: "SECONDLY, I wanted to be rid of that useless body anyway! Onigama was a weakling compared to this form!"
Mitsuno: "Alrighty, enough chitchat. Dairen, we're turning this over to you."
Dairen: *staring at Kikyo for a very long time*
Kikyo: *coldly* "May I help you, demon?"
Dairen: *still staring* "Vampire. You're dead, aren't you?"
Kikyo: "I live as you do."
Kagome: "What? I thought you stole souls, not blood!"
Kikyo: "At least I don't steal boyfriends!"
Sairen: "Ge-row-ell!"
Mitsuno: "More like me-ow! This is going to be one hell of a cat fight!"
Dairen: "Ok, ladies. No sniping at anyone outside the ring, no matter how much of a pain in the ass they are!"
Kikyo and Kagome: "Damn!" *both lower the arrows they had fixed on Naraku*
Naraku: *sighs with obvious relief*
Dairen: "Also, this isn't a timed fight, but try not to take all night. And no calling down lightning, either, or raising the dead, we've got enough on our hands with the demon side of the crowd as it is, and I sure as hell ain't chasing down no dead people! No other forms of cheating, blah, blah, blah...shoot to kill, sweetheart!"
Kagome: *eyes Kikyo* "What about Sudden Death moves?"
Dairen: "It's all good. I guess....Mitsu?"
Mitsuno: "Whatever. It's your ring, Dairen."
Dairen: "Damn straight! Oh, no decapitation or drawing and quartering. It makes us vampire types kinda nervous."
*Kikyo casts an absolutely vicious glance at Kagome out the corner of her eye with a smile to match*
Kagome: "Eep!" *Hides behind Dairen*
Dairen: "What the hell?"
Kikyo: *draws back bowstring* "Silly girl. I can shoot right through him and peg you!"
Dairen: "You most certainly will not!" *teleports to other side of ring, leaving Kagome totally exposed*
Nightcrawler: *in audience* "Biter! He stole my move!"
Sairen: "That might have been a close one for our ref, but Kagome won't be getting off that easily!"
Kagome: *backing up* "Kikyo, can't we just discuss this? I mean, it's not my fault Naraku turned you and Inuyasha against each other--"
Kikyo: *advances* "That's not the point! Inuyasha is and always will be mine and mine alone. DIE!!!"
*Kikyo fires a few rounds in Kagome's direction*
Naraku: "My, my. She's certainly got a lot of spirit for a dead woman."
*in the front row*
Sango: "Inuyasha. You're just going to let her go after Kagome like that?"
Inuyasha: *worried expression* "It's not like I can jump in for either of them!"
Shippou: "Kagome can take care of herself, you'll see!"
Miroku: "All we can do is sit back and enjoy the show."
*Sango notices that he's enjoying it a little TOO much*
Sango: *whacks Miroku on head with boomerang* "Only you can have a dirty mind at a time like this!"
Miroku: *rubs head* "What? They're both the same beautiful--I mean, they're both the same person, so would it make sense to support one and not the other?"
Sango: "You have a point. But QUIT STARING LIKE THAT, HENTAI" *she hits him again*
Miroku: @_@
*in The Box*
Mitsuno: *sighs in exasperation* "Is there any particular reason why Kagome's just running around the ring while Kikyo's keeps firing after her like a madwoman?"
Naraku: "Ever get hit with one of those enchanted arrows? It hurts like hell."
Sairen: *jumps out of The Box and onto the edge of the front* "KAGOME!! DO SOMETHING, ALREADY! DAIREN LOOKS ABOUT TWO SECONDS FROM NEEDING ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS!!!!"
Dairen: *dodging arrows as frantically as Kagome* "GODS, WOMAN, WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS ARE YOU AIMING AT?!?!"
Kikyo: *still firing* "Kagome! You can't run forever!"
*A stray arrow catches one of the demons in the forehead. it immediately disintegrates with a scream. apparently, this isn't the first casualty, and both sides of the room--human and demon alike--are yelling and scattering like crazy, tripping over the corpses of the unfortunate humans who didn't move out of the way in time*
Mitsuno: "And apparently neither can the audience. Kikyo, we may end up disqualifying you if you keep picking off the spectators."
Kikyo: "To hell with the match. I've waited too long for this!"
*She reaches back for another arrow. And reaches. And reaches.*
Kikyo: "Dammit!"
Dairen: *On knees offering a silent prayer of thanks*
Kagome: "Ha! My plan worked!"
Mitsuno, Sairen, Naraku, & Kikyo: "WHAT?"
Dairen: "You call running around like a chicken who's lost its damn head a plan?!"
Kagome: "She had to run out of arrows sometime!"
Naraku: "Clever little wench, isn't she?"
Mitsuno: -_p "What's that, Naraku?" *jumps him in a flurry of fists*
Sairen: *moves to get out of the way* "Um...which fight do I comment on?"
Dairen: "Beats me. There's no ref for that one, so it's not like it's official or anything."
*A chair flies out of The Box, smacking Dairen in the head, knocking him out*
Saiyan: "Dairen!"
Shalmar: "That's gonna leave a mark and a headache."
Rashim: *scoffs* "Can't be too much worse than a hangover. We'll just tell him he passed out after too many margaritas."
Shalmar: *jumps in ring* "Sounds like a plan to me." *draggs an unconscious Dairen out*
Sairen: "Ok, that's REALLY bad. Without a ref, our main fight isn't official, either!"
*Kagome eyes the chair, then looks at Kikyo, who's watching Mitsuno beat the crap out of Naraku*
Kagome: "This fight's not official, either, neh?"
Inuyasha: *on the edge of his own seat* "She ain't gonna...KIKYO!!!"
Kikyo: *startled* "Inuyasha!"
Kagome: *rushes at her with chair* "Now it's MY turn!"
WHAM!!!
Sairen: "Ouch! This match just went WWF on us! Kagome, realizing that an unofficial match is virtually a free-for-all, picks up the chair that brought down Dairen and repeats history!"
Kikyo: "ARGH! YOU LITTLE BITCH!"
Kagome: "What? You're supposed to be knocked out!"
Kikyo: "I'm also supposed to be dead!" *leaps at Kagome with an inhuman yell*
"YYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Kagome: "Yikes! Ok, Kagome, Inuyasha can't save you this time. Wait, this match doesn't count! INUYASHA!"
Inuyasha: "Hell no! I ain't getting slaughtered!"
Sairen: "Oh, that reminds me. Mitsuno! Whatever you're about to do, don't do it!"
Mitsuno: *powering up* "What? Oh. Damn it all!" *gets off of Naraku*
Naraku: (( @_@ )) *clothes smoking, putting out tiny fires on shirt* "You could have told me she was a Fire Witch!"
Mitsuno: "Elemental, dearie. How are the mikos doing?" *blinks* "Where's Dairen?"
Naraku: *gets up, dusting himself off* "And why does Kagome have a chair?"
Mitsuno: "If it has anything to do with why Kikyo has one of those giant anime bumps on her head, something tells me we missed the turning point of this fight!"
Sairen: *returns to seat* "That you did. The chair one of you threw in a blind rage ended up putting Dairen in a temporary coma. Kagome proved herself worthy when she figured out that HER battle isn't official without a ref, and put the chair to a good use."
Naraku: "That explains why Kikyo's swinging Kagome by the hair."
Kagome: "WAAAAHHHHH!!! I'M GONNA PUKE!!!"
*Kikyo, not wanting any additional color added to her outfit, promptly lets go*
Kagome: "I DIDN'T MEAN LET GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Sairen: "Wow, what a throw! That should qualify her for the Olympics! Judges..."
*A panel of five Olympic judges whisper among themselves for a moment. Then they hold up various scores*
Judge 1: 9.3
Judge 2: 8.9
Judge 3: 9.0
Judge 4: 9.3
Judge 5: *holds out on score* "Wait a sec..." *along with the rest of the audience, he follows Kagome's flight path with his eyes*
CRASH!!!
Inuyasha and Kouga: "KAGOME!!!" *both run off in her direction*
Miroku: "Damn. That's some arm!"
Sango: *smug* "I can throw farther than that AND make a bigger hole in the wall!"
*Sure 'nuff, there's a not-so-big ass hole in the wall behind the human side of the audience. Just as well, since the lesser demons would have taken it upon themselves to finish the job*
Judge 6: "I have to agree with the demon slayer. However, she shows great potential." 9.4
Mitsuno: "With a total score of..." *Counts on fingers* "...carry the one...45.9, I think she just might see the Olympics after all!"
Kikyo: "YES!" *jumps triumphantly in air, kicking up her feet*
Naraku: "If she can live through this fight. Looks like Kagome's back in action!"
Kagome: *climbs back in through hole* "Ouch! That really hurt, you know!"
Inuyasha: "Kagome!"
Kouga: "Are you all right?" *shoves Inuyasha aside* "Move it, dog face!"
Kagome: "Kouga!" *coldly* "Inuyasha."
Inuyasha: *rubs back of head* "Why you--!"
Kouga: *keeps Inuyasha at bay with one foot* "Here, let me help you, Kagome."
Kagome: *blushing* "Umm...thank you. You're so much nicer than that other guy. What's his name again?"
Inuyasha: *from under Kouga's foot* "Haha. So NOT funny!"
Kagome: "Well, if you're gonna support Kikyo, I can have someone there for ME! I'm going to finish this, no matter what you say!"
*Kouga carries Kagome back down to the ring, walking right over Inuyasha*
Inuyasha: "Son of a--" *pulls out Tetsuaiga*
Kagome: "SIT, BOY!"
Inuyasha: "Woah!" *falls through the floor, leaving another decent-sized hole*
Sairen: "Wish I could do that."
Mitsuno: "It certainly does come in handy."
Naraku: -_-o
*Kouga drops Kagome off outside the ring*
Kouga: "Knock her dead--er, back to life." *he kisses her on the cheek, making her turn an interesting shade of red*
Human side of audience: "AWWWW!!!"
Demon side of audience: "YEEEEEEECCHHH!!!!" *various gagging noises in between*
Naraku: "Oh, please, can we lose the fluff and get on with the fighting?"
Mitsuno: "Gotta admit, I've yet to see any bloodshed besides me breaking your nose!"
Naraku: *fingers nose* "Go to hell, Mitsuno!"
Mitsuno: "That ain't a bad idea. I need to work on my tan, anyway."
Naraku: "Then go someplace a lot colder so you come back with frostbite!"
*Inuyasha climbs out of his hole (hehe, take that as you will--NOT the perverted way, mind you!) just in time to see Kouga make a move on Kagome*
Inuyasha: "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Kouga: "Giving MY woman a kiss for luck."
Inuyasha: *growls* "I was going to kick your ass in the next match, but I think I'll just do it now! Iron Reaper--"
*before he can finish the attack, Saiyan binds him with a lunar spell*
Inuyasha: *tied up in some kind of glowing thread* "Dammit!"
Mitsuno: "Saiyan! I thought you needed a strand of his hair for that spell?"
Saiyan: *shrugs* "I do. He sheds enough, so it wasn't that tough."
Inuyasha: "Say that to my face, blondie!"
Saiyan: *thinks for a moment* "Umm...no."
*walks away while Inuyasha curses his name ten times over*
Naraku: "Where can I learn that?"
Sairen: "Probably nowhere, unless you're part of their clan. Which your not, so don't bother."
Naraku: XO
*Mitsuno turns around in time to see Kagome catch something from Miroku and Kikyo walk away from someone on the outside of the ring. The latter has a hand full of arrows*
Mitsuno: "Hello. Looks like things just got interesting."
Sairen: "Hmn? Oh. Kikyo was restocking on ammo while Kagome and Kouga were busy."
Naraku: "That's a funny way of putting it."
Sairen: *mutters* "Hentai." *louder* "Anyway, Kagome decided to do a little sneaking of her own and ask for one of Miroku's toys."
Naraku: "Good God!"
Sairen: *slaps Naraku the same way Sango hits Miroku* "Not THOSE toys, you nasty buzzard!"
Mitsuno & audience: (( O_O ))
Miroku: *dramatic sigh* "I get no respect."
Rodney Dangerfield: "Join the club!"
Naraku: "Where'd he come from?"
Sairen: "Who cares! Kagome's about to reveal what she's been up to!"
Kikyo: "Welcome back."
Kagome: "Thank you." *plays with something behind her back*
Kikyo: "Your welcome. Now to finish you off and reclaim the rest of your spirit. Not that's it wasn't mine to begin with, given that you're my reincarnation, but let's not get technical."
Sairen: "Please. That could last all night."
Naraku: "Kikyo has loaded her bow and draws the string back. Kagome looks a little tired herself, so there's no telling how long she can dodge this time!"
Audience: "OH, PLEASE, NOT THAT AGAIN!!!!" *everyone ducks and covers*
Sairen: "Ye."
Mitsuno: "gods."
Sairen and Mitsuno: "-_-;;
Sairen: "At least Dairen's safe."
Mitsuno: "But what about us?"
Naraku: "I'd be a bit more worried about Kikyo right now. I think I recognize what that is in her hand."
Sairen: "Don't give it away! I know what it is, too, and it's a good thing King Yama from the cast of Yu-Yu Hakusho isn't our VIP tonight. He's go postal!"
Mitsuno: "Um, Sairen, if Dairen was still awake, none of this would have happened to begin with!"
Sairen: *waves her hand* "Details, details..."
Naraku: "Shh! I'm trying to see if she can pull this off!"
*Kikyo fires an arrow; then a second, then a third, all within less than a second of each other. Kagome, however, manages to dodge all of them. The usual screams of the dying follow*
Naraku: "Ahh...music to my ears."
Sairen: "As they always say, though, it ain't over until the fat lady sings!"
Mitsuno: "Kagome has stopped dodging while Kikyo reloads, yet she's still on her toes!"
Kikyo: "Not for too much longer!"
Kagome: "You're right about one thing--" *reveals a round object* "That fat lady's gonna be singing all right, but this song's dedicated to YOU!"
Mitsuno: *nods approvingly* "That was pretty clever."
Sairen: "So's her next move. Watch the glowing ball everyone!"
*The dark sphere in her hand glows with a green light before turning pink/white*
*Yusuke Urameshi, who's been paying more attention to Kikyo before now, recognizes the ball, too*
Yusuke: *sits up* "What the hell? I thought the Orb of Baast was back in Spirit World?"
Hiei: "Guess not."
Kikyo: *a smug look on her face* "If you think I'm going to fetch that, you've got another thing coming!"
Kagome: "Nope. But those souls inside you are attracted to it!"
Kikyo: "Wha--what's going on?" *she starts glowing with a white light*
Naraku: "All of the souls that she's 'borrowed', par se, are going inside that orb--"
Mitsuno: "--which means that Kikyo's losing power."
*the audience "Oohs" and "Aahs" as a number of souls shoot out of Kikyo's body and into the orb*
Kikyo: "NNNOOOOO!!!" *drops her weapon and falls to the floor*
*Kagome 'turns off' the Orb of Baast (don't ask how, lol) and walks over to Kikyo's unmoving form*
Kagome: "She's still alive. Well, she's not an empty shell, anyway. I only drained her enough to stop her."
Naraku: "Good girl. Now finish the job!"
*Sairen smashes Naraku across the head*
Sairen: "Just ignore him."
Mitsuno: "There you have it, folks! The winner of this now-unofficial fight--KAGOME!!"
Kagome: "All RIGHT!" *jumps around like a cheerleader (looks like one, too, with that uniform)*
*cheers from both sides of the audience*
Sairen: "I guess the demons just liked the pretty lights!"
*meanwhile, Hiei and Yusuke make their way to the seats reserved for the Inu Yasha cast*
Kagome: *hands orb to Miroku* "Thanks a lot, Miroku. That really helped out."
Miroku: *puts orb in robe somewhere* "It's something I picked up at a temple Yard Sale."
Hiei: "A likely story."
Miroku: "Huh? What?" *grabs staff* "Who are you?"
Yusuke: "Neighborhood friendly Spirit Detective. That little trinket you've got there belongs to my boss's boss."
Kagome: "Really? Miroku!"
Miroku: "I didn't steal it! I don't even know these guys!"
*Kurama comes over*
Kurama: "He's right. Keep in mind that they're not from our time."
Yusuke: "So?"
Hiei: "Oh, I forgot about that."
Yusuke: *frustrated* "What the hell are you talking about?"
Hiei: "The Orb of Baast is pretty old, so it must exist in their time as well. The one he has is from feudal Japan, not King Yama's collection."
Yusuke: "So...it's two copies of the same thing, one older than the other."
Miroku: "Fascinating." *looks at orb* "What would happen if both copies were in the same place at the same time?"
*|Kid from Card Captors that always has an explanation pops out of nowhere (his name's Zachary, right?)|*
Zachary: *has finger in the air* "That's an easy one. A giant rip would appear in the space-time continuum, sucking everything around it inside and spitting it out in another dimension."
Miroku: "In other words, my wind tunnel would suck everything up?" *nervously fingers rosary beads on right hand*
Mitsuno: "Hey, what's on the other side of that, anyway?"
Sairen: "I dunno. Where does it all go?"
*both look at Naraku*
Naraku: *shrugs* "For all I know, everything sucked in ends up on Altair 4."
Mitsuno: " 'Last night and the night before--' "
Sairen: " 'Tommyknockers, Tommyknockers knocking at my door.' "
Naraku: " 'I want to go out, don't know if I can--' "
All three: " ' 'cause I'm so afraid of the Tommyknocker Man!' "
Mitsuno: "Stay tuned for our next match, when Inuyasha makes good on his word!"
Sairen: "See you in a few!"
******************************************************************************
C'mon, people, you know you loved that Stephen King moment! So far, that's my favorite book by him.
I had no idea this would end up this long, either. If i get enough reviews (around six is good 'nuff), I'll keep going. And tell me the truth about whether or not you like it, and if I need to make any changes; this includes any character errors or whatnot. I haven't seen the entire series yet, so let me know if i get something wrong or mixed-up.
Satisfied that the audience was neither in fear for their lives nor going to cause any more trouble, she continues.
Mitsuno: "Konnichiwa, peoples, y bienvenidos a la programa Anime GrudgeMatch 2003! I'm your host/commentator, Mitsuno!"
Sairen: "Ciao, everybody! Je'mevel Sairen, the kwaii co-host/co-commentator!"
VIP: O.O "Do you have any idea how many languages you just mixed up?"
(DarkFlame: *at her keyboard typing* "hehe, i LOVE doing that! i just hope i spelled everything right, lol!")
Sairen: "We cater to all of our audiences, hon."
Mitsuno: "As you can probably tell, the crowd for this one's quite diverse...in a feudal Japan sort of way."
Sairen: "That it is, Mitsuno, that it is. And let's not forget those demons who found their way out of the blackest pits of hell just to come see the cast of Inu Yasha rip each other to pieces!"
Mitsuno: "Speaking of hell, let's find out who our guest is, shall we?"
VIP: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Sairen: "Nothing; besides the fact that we all expect to see you there some time soon"
Mitsuno: "Sairen!"
Sairen: "What? After everything he's done I wanna kick his ass!"
Mitsuno: *runs hand through hair* "I am very well aware of his reputation as a conniving bastard--"
VIP: "Ok, that was just low."
Mitsuno: *talks right over him* "--but, for some sick reason, you're one of Dairen and Saiyans' heroes. Ladies and gents, the villain who we love to hate--or hate to love, if you're a demon-- NARAKU!"
Sairen: "Welcome to the show, bitch!"
Naraku: *eye twitch* "Do you have any idea of the pain I can inflict upon you, woman?"
Sairen: "I'm an Elemental, one of the most feared apparitions in this time. What can you POSSIBLY do to me that I can't do ten times more painfully to you?"
Naraku: *annoyed yet intrigued* "Wanna find out? Ring's right over there, my dear."
Mitsuno: "Hey, hey! Remember the deal--"
Sairen: "Yeah, yeah, no slaughtering the cast. So let's introduce our first fight so they can start doing the job for us!"
*Audience cheers*
Naraku: "You know, for an annoying co-host, I like the way you think."
Mitsuno: "Obviously, our fighters aren't the only ones with grudges."
*Naraku and Sairen stare each other down*
Mitsuno: *just ignores them* "Despite practically being the same person, these two mikos are duking it out over the same guy."
Sairen: *sticks her tongue out at Naraku*
Naraku: *raises an eyebrow* " 'that an offer?"
Mitsuno: O.o
Sairen: -_-;; "Entering on the left, she's the first warden of both the Shikon jewel and Inuyasha's heart and she does not like sharing either one. Let's hear it for Kikyo!"
*The priestess enters the arena to the tune "Living Dead Girl" in her usual outfit, complete with a bow and full quiver. Apparently, neither demons nor humans take to her well, judging by her not-so-warm welcome. Kikyo fires a few arrows into the demon side of the crowd; a few bright balls of pink light flash for a second. Suddenly, there are a dozen or so empty seats.*
Sairen: "Wow, those were direct hits! Hopefully the challenger can deal with this better than her first targets."
Mitsuno: "Coming from a different time, she picked up where Kikyo left off after her death, and plans on collecting and mending the shards of the Jewel of Four Souls and Inuyasha's heart while she's at it."
Naraku: "My, aren't we getting poetic." *rolls eyes*
Mitsuno: ^____________^ "Playing hooky to fight demons, give it up for the reincarnated Kikyo--aka: Kagome!"
*With "Do You Think I'm a Whore?" in the background, Kagome enters waving to the crowd in her usual school uniform; like Kikyo, she has a bow and arrow as well. Unlike Kikyo, who looks as cold as ever, the guys especially take to her.*
Kagome: *nervous laughter* "Um...hi, everyone."
Naraku: "Interesting. Why does neither girl have any of the shards of the Shikon jewel on them?"
Sairen: *tsch* "Some of us don't need an outside power source."
Mitsuno: "Oh, dear. I love them both--who do I root for?"
Naraku: "Who ever's winning?"
Sairen: *raises eyebrow* "I thought you had the hots for Kikyo? You practically lost your humanity for her and the jewel!"
Naraku: *on the defensive* "First of all, I desire the jewel--"
Sairen: "Rrrriiiiiitttttteeeeee...."
Naraku: "SECONDLY, I wanted to be rid of that useless body anyway! Onigama was a weakling compared to this form!"
Mitsuno: "Alrighty, enough chitchat. Dairen, we're turning this over to you."
Dairen: *staring at Kikyo for a very long time*
Kikyo: *coldly* "May I help you, demon?"
Dairen: *still staring* "Vampire. You're dead, aren't you?"
Kikyo: "I live as you do."
Kagome: "What? I thought you stole souls, not blood!"
Kikyo: "At least I don't steal boyfriends!"
Sairen: "Ge-row-ell!"
Mitsuno: "More like me-ow! This is going to be one hell of a cat fight!"
Dairen: "Ok, ladies. No sniping at anyone outside the ring, no matter how much of a pain in the ass they are!"
Kikyo and Kagome: "Damn!" *both lower the arrows they had fixed on Naraku*
Naraku: *sighs with obvious relief*
Dairen: "Also, this isn't a timed fight, but try not to take all night. And no calling down lightning, either, or raising the dead, we've got enough on our hands with the demon side of the crowd as it is, and I sure as hell ain't chasing down no dead people! No other forms of cheating, blah, blah, blah...shoot to kill, sweetheart!"
Kagome: *eyes Kikyo* "What about Sudden Death moves?"
Dairen: "It's all good. I guess....Mitsu?"
Mitsuno: "Whatever. It's your ring, Dairen."
Dairen: "Damn straight! Oh, no decapitation or drawing and quartering. It makes us vampire types kinda nervous."
*Kikyo casts an absolutely vicious glance at Kagome out the corner of her eye with a smile to match*
Kagome: "Eep!" *Hides behind Dairen*
Dairen: "What the hell?"
Kikyo: *draws back bowstring* "Silly girl. I can shoot right through him and peg you!"
Dairen: "You most certainly will not!" *teleports to other side of ring, leaving Kagome totally exposed*
Nightcrawler: *in audience* "Biter! He stole my move!"
Sairen: "That might have been a close one for our ref, but Kagome won't be getting off that easily!"
Kagome: *backing up* "Kikyo, can't we just discuss this? I mean, it's not my fault Naraku turned you and Inuyasha against each other--"
Kikyo: *advances* "That's not the point! Inuyasha is and always will be mine and mine alone. DIE!!!"
*Kikyo fires a few rounds in Kagome's direction*
Naraku: "My, my. She's certainly got a lot of spirit for a dead woman."
*in the front row*
Sango: "Inuyasha. You're just going to let her go after Kagome like that?"
Inuyasha: *worried expression* "It's not like I can jump in for either of them!"
Shippou: "Kagome can take care of herself, you'll see!"
Miroku: "All we can do is sit back and enjoy the show."
*Sango notices that he's enjoying it a little TOO much*
Sango: *whacks Miroku on head with boomerang* "Only you can have a dirty mind at a time like this!"
Miroku: *rubs head* "What? They're both the same beautiful--I mean, they're both the same person, so would it make sense to support one and not the other?"
Sango: "You have a point. But QUIT STARING LIKE THAT, HENTAI" *she hits him again*
Miroku: @_@
*in The Box*
Mitsuno: *sighs in exasperation* "Is there any particular reason why Kagome's just running around the ring while Kikyo's keeps firing after her like a madwoman?"
Naraku: "Ever get hit with one of those enchanted arrows? It hurts like hell."
Sairen: *jumps out of The Box and onto the edge of the front* "KAGOME!! DO SOMETHING, ALREADY! DAIREN LOOKS ABOUT TWO SECONDS FROM NEEDING ANOTHER PAIR OF PANTS!!!!"
Dairen: *dodging arrows as frantically as Kagome* "GODS, WOMAN, WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS ARE YOU AIMING AT?!?!"
Kikyo: *still firing* "Kagome! You can't run forever!"
*A stray arrow catches one of the demons in the forehead. it immediately disintegrates with a scream. apparently, this isn't the first casualty, and both sides of the room--human and demon alike--are yelling and scattering like crazy, tripping over the corpses of the unfortunate humans who didn't move out of the way in time*
Mitsuno: "And apparently neither can the audience. Kikyo, we may end up disqualifying you if you keep picking off the spectators."
Kikyo: "To hell with the match. I've waited too long for this!"
*She reaches back for another arrow. And reaches. And reaches.*
Kikyo: "Dammit!"
Dairen: *On knees offering a silent prayer of thanks*
Kagome: "Ha! My plan worked!"
Mitsuno, Sairen, Naraku, & Kikyo: "WHAT?"
Dairen: "You call running around like a chicken who's lost its damn head a plan?!"
Kagome: "She had to run out of arrows sometime!"
Naraku: "Clever little wench, isn't she?"
Mitsuno: -_p "What's that, Naraku?" *jumps him in a flurry of fists*
Sairen: *moves to get out of the way* "Um...which fight do I comment on?"
Dairen: "Beats me. There's no ref for that one, so it's not like it's official or anything."
*A chair flies out of The Box, smacking Dairen in the head, knocking him out*
Saiyan: "Dairen!"
Shalmar: "That's gonna leave a mark and a headache."
Rashim: *scoffs* "Can't be too much worse than a hangover. We'll just tell him he passed out after too many margaritas."
Shalmar: *jumps in ring* "Sounds like a plan to me." *draggs an unconscious Dairen out*
Sairen: "Ok, that's REALLY bad. Without a ref, our main fight isn't official, either!"
*Kagome eyes the chair, then looks at Kikyo, who's watching Mitsuno beat the crap out of Naraku*
Kagome: "This fight's not official, either, neh?"
Inuyasha: *on the edge of his own seat* "She ain't gonna...KIKYO!!!"
Kikyo: *startled* "Inuyasha!"
Kagome: *rushes at her with chair* "Now it's MY turn!"
WHAM!!!
Sairen: "Ouch! This match just went WWF on us! Kagome, realizing that an unofficial match is virtually a free-for-all, picks up the chair that brought down Dairen and repeats history!"
Kikyo: "ARGH! YOU LITTLE BITCH!"
Kagome: "What? You're supposed to be knocked out!"
Kikyo: "I'm also supposed to be dead!" *leaps at Kagome with an inhuman yell*
"YYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Kagome: "Yikes! Ok, Kagome, Inuyasha can't save you this time. Wait, this match doesn't count! INUYASHA!"
Inuyasha: "Hell no! I ain't getting slaughtered!"
Sairen: "Oh, that reminds me. Mitsuno! Whatever you're about to do, don't do it!"
Mitsuno: *powering up* "What? Oh. Damn it all!" *gets off of Naraku*
Naraku: (( @_@ )) *clothes smoking, putting out tiny fires on shirt* "You could have told me she was a Fire Witch!"
Mitsuno: "Elemental, dearie. How are the mikos doing?" *blinks* "Where's Dairen?"
Naraku: *gets up, dusting himself off* "And why does Kagome have a chair?"
Mitsuno: "If it has anything to do with why Kikyo has one of those giant anime bumps on her head, something tells me we missed the turning point of this fight!"
Sairen: *returns to seat* "That you did. The chair one of you threw in a blind rage ended up putting Dairen in a temporary coma. Kagome proved herself worthy when she figured out that HER battle isn't official without a ref, and put the chair to a good use."
Naraku: "That explains why Kikyo's swinging Kagome by the hair."
Kagome: "WAAAAHHHHH!!! I'M GONNA PUKE!!!"
*Kikyo, not wanting any additional color added to her outfit, promptly lets go*
Kagome: "I DIDN'T MEAN LET GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
Sairen: "Wow, what a throw! That should qualify her for the Olympics! Judges..."
*A panel of five Olympic judges whisper among themselves for a moment. Then they hold up various scores*
Judge 1: 9.3
Judge 2: 8.9
Judge 3: 9.0
Judge 4: 9.3
Judge 5: *holds out on score* "Wait a sec..." *along with the rest of the audience, he follows Kagome's flight path with his eyes*
CRASH!!!
Inuyasha and Kouga: "KAGOME!!!" *both run off in her direction*
Miroku: "Damn. That's some arm!"
Sango: *smug* "I can throw farther than that AND make a bigger hole in the wall!"
*Sure 'nuff, there's a not-so-big ass hole in the wall behind the human side of the audience. Just as well, since the lesser demons would have taken it upon themselves to finish the job*
Judge 6: "I have to agree with the demon slayer. However, she shows great potential." 9.4
Mitsuno: "With a total score of..." *Counts on fingers* "...carry the one...45.9, I think she just might see the Olympics after all!"
Kikyo: "YES!" *jumps triumphantly in air, kicking up her feet*
Naraku: "If she can live through this fight. Looks like Kagome's back in action!"
Kagome: *climbs back in through hole* "Ouch! That really hurt, you know!"
Inuyasha: "Kagome!"
Kouga: "Are you all right?" *shoves Inuyasha aside* "Move it, dog face!"
Kagome: "Kouga!" *coldly* "Inuyasha."
Inuyasha: *rubs back of head* "Why you--!"
Kouga: *keeps Inuyasha at bay with one foot* "Here, let me help you, Kagome."
Kagome: *blushing* "Umm...thank you. You're so much nicer than that other guy. What's his name again?"
Inuyasha: *from under Kouga's foot* "Haha. So NOT funny!"
Kagome: "Well, if you're gonna support Kikyo, I can have someone there for ME! I'm going to finish this, no matter what you say!"
*Kouga carries Kagome back down to the ring, walking right over Inuyasha*
Inuyasha: "Son of a--" *pulls out Tetsuaiga*
Kagome: "SIT, BOY!"
Inuyasha: "Woah!" *falls through the floor, leaving another decent-sized hole*
Sairen: "Wish I could do that."
Mitsuno: "It certainly does come in handy."
Naraku: -_-o
*Kouga drops Kagome off outside the ring*
Kouga: "Knock her dead--er, back to life." *he kisses her on the cheek, making her turn an interesting shade of red*
Human side of audience: "AWWWW!!!"
Demon side of audience: "YEEEEEEECCHHH!!!!" *various gagging noises in between*
Naraku: "Oh, please, can we lose the fluff and get on with the fighting?"
Mitsuno: "Gotta admit, I've yet to see any bloodshed besides me breaking your nose!"
Naraku: *fingers nose* "Go to hell, Mitsuno!"
Mitsuno: "That ain't a bad idea. I need to work on my tan, anyway."
Naraku: "Then go someplace a lot colder so you come back with frostbite!"
*Inuyasha climbs out of his hole (hehe, take that as you will--NOT the perverted way, mind you!) just in time to see Kouga make a move on Kagome*
Inuyasha: "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Kouga: "Giving MY woman a kiss for luck."
Inuyasha: *growls* "I was going to kick your ass in the next match, but I think I'll just do it now! Iron Reaper--"
*before he can finish the attack, Saiyan binds him with a lunar spell*
Inuyasha: *tied up in some kind of glowing thread* "Dammit!"
Mitsuno: "Saiyan! I thought you needed a strand of his hair for that spell?"
Saiyan: *shrugs* "I do. He sheds enough, so it wasn't that tough."
Inuyasha: "Say that to my face, blondie!"
Saiyan: *thinks for a moment* "Umm...no."
*walks away while Inuyasha curses his name ten times over*
Naraku: "Where can I learn that?"
Sairen: "Probably nowhere, unless you're part of their clan. Which your not, so don't bother."
Naraku: XO
*Mitsuno turns around in time to see Kagome catch something from Miroku and Kikyo walk away from someone on the outside of the ring. The latter has a hand full of arrows*
Mitsuno: "Hello. Looks like things just got interesting."
Sairen: "Hmn? Oh. Kikyo was restocking on ammo while Kagome and Kouga were busy."
Naraku: "That's a funny way of putting it."
Sairen: *mutters* "Hentai." *louder* "Anyway, Kagome decided to do a little sneaking of her own and ask for one of Miroku's toys."
Naraku: "Good God!"
Sairen: *slaps Naraku the same way Sango hits Miroku* "Not THOSE toys, you nasty buzzard!"
Mitsuno & audience: (( O_O ))
Miroku: *dramatic sigh* "I get no respect."
Rodney Dangerfield: "Join the club!"
Naraku: "Where'd he come from?"
Sairen: "Who cares! Kagome's about to reveal what she's been up to!"
Kikyo: "Welcome back."
Kagome: "Thank you." *plays with something behind her back*
Kikyo: "Your welcome. Now to finish you off and reclaim the rest of your spirit. Not that's it wasn't mine to begin with, given that you're my reincarnation, but let's not get technical."
Sairen: "Please. That could last all night."
Naraku: "Kikyo has loaded her bow and draws the string back. Kagome looks a little tired herself, so there's no telling how long she can dodge this time!"
Audience: "OH, PLEASE, NOT THAT AGAIN!!!!" *everyone ducks and covers*
Sairen: "Ye."
Mitsuno: "gods."
Sairen and Mitsuno: "-_-;;
Sairen: "At least Dairen's safe."
Mitsuno: "But what about us?"
Naraku: "I'd be a bit more worried about Kikyo right now. I think I recognize what that is in her hand."
Sairen: "Don't give it away! I know what it is, too, and it's a good thing King Yama from the cast of Yu-Yu Hakusho isn't our VIP tonight. He's go postal!"
Mitsuno: "Um, Sairen, if Dairen was still awake, none of this would have happened to begin with!"
Sairen: *waves her hand* "Details, details..."
Naraku: "Shh! I'm trying to see if she can pull this off!"
*Kikyo fires an arrow; then a second, then a third, all within less than a second of each other. Kagome, however, manages to dodge all of them. The usual screams of the dying follow*
Naraku: "Ahh...music to my ears."
Sairen: "As they always say, though, it ain't over until the fat lady sings!"
Mitsuno: "Kagome has stopped dodging while Kikyo reloads, yet she's still on her toes!"
Kikyo: "Not for too much longer!"
Kagome: "You're right about one thing--" *reveals a round object* "That fat lady's gonna be singing all right, but this song's dedicated to YOU!"
Mitsuno: *nods approvingly* "That was pretty clever."
Sairen: "So's her next move. Watch the glowing ball everyone!"
*The dark sphere in her hand glows with a green light before turning pink/white*
*Yusuke Urameshi, who's been paying more attention to Kikyo before now, recognizes the ball, too*
Yusuke: *sits up* "What the hell? I thought the Orb of Baast was back in Spirit World?"
Hiei: "Guess not."
Kikyo: *a smug look on her face* "If you think I'm going to fetch that, you've got another thing coming!"
Kagome: "Nope. But those souls inside you are attracted to it!"
Kikyo: "Wha--what's going on?" *she starts glowing with a white light*
Naraku: "All of the souls that she's 'borrowed', par se, are going inside that orb--"
Mitsuno: "--which means that Kikyo's losing power."
*the audience "Oohs" and "Aahs" as a number of souls shoot out of Kikyo's body and into the orb*
Kikyo: "NNNOOOOO!!!" *drops her weapon and falls to the floor*
*Kagome 'turns off' the Orb of Baast (don't ask how, lol) and walks over to Kikyo's unmoving form*
Kagome: "She's still alive. Well, she's not an empty shell, anyway. I only drained her enough to stop her."
Naraku: "Good girl. Now finish the job!"
*Sairen smashes Naraku across the head*
Sairen: "Just ignore him."
Mitsuno: "There you have it, folks! The winner of this now-unofficial fight--KAGOME!!"
Kagome: "All RIGHT!" *jumps around like a cheerleader (looks like one, too, with that uniform)*
*cheers from both sides of the audience*
Sairen: "I guess the demons just liked the pretty lights!"
*meanwhile, Hiei and Yusuke make their way to the seats reserved for the Inu Yasha cast*
Kagome: *hands orb to Miroku* "Thanks a lot, Miroku. That really helped out."
Miroku: *puts orb in robe somewhere* "It's something I picked up at a temple Yard Sale."
Hiei: "A likely story."
Miroku: "Huh? What?" *grabs staff* "Who are you?"
Yusuke: "Neighborhood friendly Spirit Detective. That little trinket you've got there belongs to my boss's boss."
Kagome: "Really? Miroku!"
Miroku: "I didn't steal it! I don't even know these guys!"
*Kurama comes over*
Kurama: "He's right. Keep in mind that they're not from our time."
Yusuke: "So?"
Hiei: "Oh, I forgot about that."
Yusuke: *frustrated* "What the hell are you talking about?"
Hiei: "The Orb of Baast is pretty old, so it must exist in their time as well. The one he has is from feudal Japan, not King Yama's collection."
Yusuke: "So...it's two copies of the same thing, one older than the other."
Miroku: "Fascinating." *looks at orb* "What would happen if both copies were in the same place at the same time?"
*|Kid from Card Captors that always has an explanation pops out of nowhere (his name's Zachary, right?)|*
Zachary: *has finger in the air* "That's an easy one. A giant rip would appear in the space-time continuum, sucking everything around it inside and spitting it out in another dimension."
Miroku: "In other words, my wind tunnel would suck everything up?" *nervously fingers rosary beads on right hand*
Mitsuno: "Hey, what's on the other side of that, anyway?"
Sairen: "I dunno. Where does it all go?"
*both look at Naraku*
Naraku: *shrugs* "For all I know, everything sucked in ends up on Altair 4."
Mitsuno: " 'Last night and the night before--' "
Sairen: " 'Tommyknockers, Tommyknockers knocking at my door.' "
Naraku: " 'I want to go out, don't know if I can--' "
All three: " ' 'cause I'm so afraid of the Tommyknocker Man!' "
Mitsuno: "Stay tuned for our next match, when Inuyasha makes good on his word!"
Sairen: "See you in a few!"
******************************************************************************
C'mon, people, you know you loved that Stephen King moment! So far, that's my favorite book by him.
I had no idea this would end up this long, either. If i get enough reviews (around six is good 'nuff), I'll keep going. And tell me the truth about whether or not you like it, and if I need to make any changes; this includes any character errors or whatnot. I haven't seen the entire series yet, so let me know if i get something wrong or mixed-up.