*Authoress' note* || Krystal P., Jennifer V. ....hopefully you'll come across this insane fic one day, 'cause this chapter's for you guys (especially the end) ||
from--Ami-chan; aka: the chick who's typing this (hehe, my real name's a mystery, though my friends should know it. if anyone else REALLY wants it, i'll give you a hint in the next chapter!)
******************************************************************************
~*~Round III: Rin vs. Jaken~*~
*The second intermission is underway. Fans with the munchies are practically ambushing the Ramen and fast-food vendors--especially the demons, who keep trying to take a bite out of the people serving. Rashim and Shalmar have their hands full in this respect, giving a few painful object lessons on why it's impolite to eat people.
*In the ring itself, Dairen and Saiyan are deep in conversation.*
"Dairen, you know perfectly well that I have no idea what I'm doing."
"And you know perfectly well that I can't stop cursing if my life depended on it!"
"Um, you just did!"
"Son of a Bitch, I think you're right!" Dairen exclaims, pleased with himself. Saiyan sighs. "All you have to do is make sure they don't cheat or do anything against the rules; it's not that damn hard."
"It's a child and a toad," Saiyan points out, "and I'm not any more of a baby-sitter than you are!"
"True. But you're better at watching your damn language. I sure as hell don't want to teach the kid any new foreign phrases, if you get what I'm saying."
"Whatever. Hey, I think we're about to get started," Saiyan tells his brother.
"Yeah; Mitsuno and Sairen look like they're about to introduce the fighters."
"So get the hell out of my ring and find a seat!"
Dairen flips him off before taking Saiyan's place as a security guard.
*Mitsuno and Sairen make their way back to The Box. Naraku appears as if he had been taking a nap. When the girls return, he opens an eye.*
Naraku: -_p "Didn't bring me anything?"
Sairen: "Didn't get your happy ass up and GET anything?"
Mitsuno: *licks fingers* "Those giant chocolate chip cookies are the schiznit!"
Naraku: "Chocolate? I believe that is a delicacy among the humans of my time."
Sairen: *tosses a doggie bag into his lap* " 'round here, it's virtually a staple."
Naraku: *opens bag and finds a big ass cookie that's been broken into quarter pieces* *sniff, sniff* "How do I know you didn't poison this or something?"
Sairen: "Aren't you MADE of poison? Besides, I prefer more direct methods to get the job done."
Naraku: "Good enough for me." *takes a bite* "This IS pretty good." *continues eating with gusto*
Mitsuno: "Hey, isn't that Saiyan in the ring?"
Sairen: "I guess. Dairen said he didn't want to give Rin any new vocabulary lessons, since she's still pretty young. I still don't see how you can tell the two of them apart so easy."
Mitsuno: "You could, too, if you've known them as long as I have."
Naraku: *mouth full of cookie* "Dairen always has a golem of himself around?"
Mitsuno: "No...him and Saiyan are identical twins. You know, two people who look exactly alike?"
Naraku: "What? Then the tall male and female demons with the white hair--"
Sairen: "E L E M E N T A L S, dear Naraku, Elementals. And, yes, they are twins as well."
Naraku: "How the hell many sets of twins do you have running around here?"
Sairen: "I don't know, but I still think I saw two Sesshoumarus at the pocky booth!"
Naraku: *rolls eyes* "Not that again. I still think he finally swallowed his pride and went in line twice!"
Sairen & Mitsuno: O.o;;;
Mitsuno: "We'll solve that mystery later. On with the show!"
Sairen: "Our third round may be downsized, but that's only because the contenders are both under four feet tall!"
Mitsuno: "And that doesn't mean that it won't be worth watching! Like our first fighters, these two are vying for the attention of the same man, and getting on each others' nerves in the process!"
Naraku: "Is it me, or does having a bad habit of loving more than one woman at a time seem to run in their family?"
Mitsuno: "First of all, I seriously doubt that Sesshoumaru's a pedophile."
*The audience goes completely silent except for the crickets and Inuyasha, who's merrily laughing his ass off*
Inuyasha: "My brother a cradle-robber?" *doubles over and falls on the floor laughing* "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
*Backstage (so to speak) a curious Rin tugs on Sesshoumaru's robes*
Rin: "Sessa-sama, what's a peta-file?"
Sesshoumaru: *has his head down, though one can still see his eye twitch* "Never mind, Rin. Just make quick work of that toad Jaken so I may take care of that loud mouth red head afterwards!"
*Back in The Box*
Sairen: "Ye gods, Mitsuno; 'think you could have said that ANY louder?"
Mitsuno: "Probably not. Anyway, like I was saying, Jaken's not a female, either, so I think I found a hole in your theory, Naraku."
Naraku: *calmly and silently regards her while eating his cookie*
Sairen: *in an attempt to keep her friend from saying anything else damaging* "Getting back to the point...This student plans on becoming the teacher! Challenging the annoying Jaken to a battle in hopes of putting him out of business for good, here comes the absolutely adorable Rin!"
*Rin skips in to the tune "When I Grow Up". Sesshoumaru follows at his usual pace, still looking a bit peeved. On the way, he passes the crew from Card Captor Sakura/Card Captors*
Madison: *with video camera, as always* "Hey, Sakura was right! That guy DOES look like Yue!"
Sakura: "See, I TOLD you that wasn't him in the pocky line the first time!"
Li: *sulking* "Well, he could have just changed his clothes or something and got in line again!"
Yue: *frowning* "Like I'd stoop THAT low! There's no way in hell I'd put on makeup for another order of chocolate covered breadsticks!"
*Sesshoumaru stops*
Li: "Oh, shit!"
Sesshoumaru: "Well, now. So you're the platinum poser trying to jock my style. Not that it's working..."
Yue: *icy glare* "Excuse me? At least I don't walk around with a giant PINK FEATHER BOA, you feudal fairy!"
*All audience members* "OOOHHHHH!!!"
Inuyasha: *stands on seat* "I KNOW you're not just going to stand there and take that!"
Sesshoumaru: *as cold as ever* "For once, dear brother, I agree. Enjoy these last moments of you life, sirrah, for I, Sesshoumaru, shall proceed to slice you apart with your own split ends!"
Yue: "You're going to have a rough time managing that while my foot's up you ass!"
Sesshoumaru: "Assuming you can take your head out of your own first, which should prove quite the challenge in itself."
*Without another word, Sesshoumaru heads over to the ring.*
Naraku: "Well, damn. I think you jut got another match added to your roster!"
Mitsuno: "Indeed we do. If we heard right, Sesshoumaru has challenged Yue to a fight to the death!"
Sairen: "Two of the sexiest fellas in the house are gonna throw it down, right here on our humble show." *tries very hard not to drool a lake* "I LOVE this job!!!"
Mitsuno: "So let's get this fight started so we can hurry up and get to the next one! Not being the one to pass up the chance to get rid of competition, Jaken now enters the ring to reclaim his place as Sesshoumaru's favorite sidekick!"
Naraku: "I don't think he liked him to begin with."
Sairen: "He DOES seem partial to Rin, plus he killed him twice."
Mitsuno: *shrugs as if to say "Hell if I know."*
*Jaken, who can't wait to get rid of Rin once and for all, tries his best to keep a dignified pace down the aisle. For some odd reason, he has chosen "Fire, Water, Burn"--the Bloodhound Gang version, mind you--for his theme. All of a sudden, the track on the CD changes to "Why's Everybody Always Picking On Me?"*
Jaken: *confused* "What the hell? Change that back, insolent being!"
*Rashim, who's still in charge of sound, has a very large, shit-eating grin across his face*
Rashim: "My bad." *changes music back. Shalmar laughs*
*Both parties have entered the ring*
Saiyan: "Sorry, Rin, but no tag-team since Jaken doesn't have a partner."
Jaken: *shocked* "What? Lord Sesshoumaru's fighting as well?"
Sesshoumaru: "No, you fool, I am observing. I refuse to sit with those filthy humans or the lesser demons!"
Yue: *mutters from seat* "Who's got their head up their ass now?"
*Sesshoumaru's ear twitches. Saiyan, who heard Yue as well, uses all of his power as referee to prevent any unscheduled bloodshed*
Saiyan: "Yue, you'll get your chance later. For now, BOTH of you shut up and let these two duke it out first!"
Rin: "Don't worry, Fluffy-sama, Rin will be done soon!"
Sesshoumaru: *sigh* -_-;;
*Yue's eyes narrow*
Yue: "Did she just say what I think she did?"
Clow Reed: "It seems as if your opponent has a rather cute pet name."
*Spinner and Kero, both in 'doll-form', share a big grin*
Jaken: "How dare you embarrass Lord Sesshoumaru! Prepare to meet your end, child!"
*Both Saiyan and Sesshoumaru step back as Jaken leaps towards Rin*
Saiyan: *aside* " 'think he has a chance?"
Sesshoumaru: "Hopefully not."
Mitsuno: "Looks like we've started with a bit less ado than usual, with Jaken making the first move!"
Naraku: "That's some leap; he managed to jump from one side of the ring to the other."
Sairen: "He IS a frog, you know."
*Jaken attempts to bring his staff down on Rin's head. Rin jumps out of the way and doubles back, kicking him IN the back*
Sairen: "Yee-haw! and Jaken falls face-first and slides a few feet over!"
Mitsuno: "That was some counter. Where'd she learn that one?"
Sesshoumaru: ^____________^
Naraku: "Chances are, she's watched Sesshoumaru fight so many times that she picked up a few things."
Mitsuno: "Speaking of picking things up, Jaken's dusting himself off and getting ready for another go!"
Rin: "Hey, why you get back up? Rin thought Jaken was hurt bad!"
Jaken: "Sorry to disappoint you. Let's try a different approach." *one of the heads on Jaken's staff begins to shoot fire*
Rin: "That not good!" *begins some serious dodge work*
Mitsuno: "Um...Sesshoumaru, you know it's not legal for one fighter to be armed while the other isn't right?"
Sesshoumaru: *eyes quickly flicker to a hidden box in the corner of the ring* "She's armed."
*Rin starts doing somersaults back and forth over Jaken's had. The fire staff follows*
Mitsuno: *slightly annoyed* "I'm not talking about her left and right arms, either!"
Sesshoumaru: *patiently* "She is armed. Trust me."
Naraku: "And a lot smarter than she looks. There's a reason she's been putting on an acrobatics show."
Saiyan: "What? Oh!" *turns to Sesshoumaru, whispers something in his ear*
Sesshoumaru: *eyes narrow* "Will it work?"
Saiyan: "Judging by the distance that head can spit fire, I'd say so!"
*Saiyan and Sesshoumaru exit the ring*
Mitsuno: "Where do they think they're going?"
Sairen: *yells out of The Box; Naraku, right next to her, covers his ears and leans in the opposite direction* "Hey, Saiyan, you coward! Don't let a pilot light keep you from doing your job--you got a match to ref, and I'll be damned if THIS one goes unofficial!"
Sesshoumaru: *calmly from behind them* "What on earth are you yelling about, woman?!"
Sairen & Mitsuno: "EEP!!" *jump a few feet in the air and hold on to each other*
Naraku: *tired of chicks yelling in his ear* "Here, take my seat." *gets up*
Sesshoumaru: "I'll stand."
Saiyan: *shrugs and sits* "Don't mind if I do."
Mitsuno: "As if it's not crowded enough in here as it is! Why are you two in here? this is OUR Box!!"
Saiyan: "I don't feel like stopping, dropping and rolling if a stray flame hits me. And Naraku's my freaking hero, man!" *hugs Naraku's middle*
Naraku: OoO'' *somehow wiggles out of vampire's grip*
Sairen: *Tsch* "If you burned as easily as you claim, you wouldn't be at the beach every weekend."
Saiyan: *defensively* "The sun's not an open fire, Sairen!"
Sairen: *talks right over him* "And what's your excuse, Sesshoumaru?"
Mitsuno: *elbows Sairen* "Sairen! He's hot! Don't complain!"
Sairen: *pouts* "Still though..." *whispers to Mitsuno* "cute guy, all wet?!? Neh?"
*Each Elemental's off in her own little (halfway hentai) dream world*
*Sesshoumaru gives them a "don't even go there" look*
Naraku: "You've obviously never smelled a wet dog." *pushes Sairen half off her seat, jarring her from her thoughts and making room for himself*
Sairen: "What the hell? This ain't musical chairs; go sit in Saiyan's lap!"
FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ
KERSSSSSSPLASSSSSSH!!!!
Mitsuno: *a little surprised* "And that would be the sprinkler system over the ring turning on full blast!"
*Jaken's fire breathing shrunken head splutters for a moment, then the flames die all together*
Jaken: "My staff! You ruined it!"
Rin: "Ooh, Rin make waterfall!"
Sairen: "How did she know how to trigger the sprinklers?"
Mitsuno: "How did she even know what and where the sprinklers are?"
*Both look at Saiyan*
Saiyan: "All I know is Dairen had a talk with her before the end of the second round."
Naraku: "I thought the fighters couldn't get outside help. And the referee wasn't knocked out this time!"
Saiyan: "It was BEFORE her match started, not after, so it's legit. Shouldn't you be paying more attention to them, anyway, instead of grilling me on the rules?"
Naraku: *mutters something as impolite as it is inaudiable*
Sairen: "My, such language!"
Mitsuno: "Without his makeshift flame thrower, Jaken looks like he's at a bit of a loss."
*From the human side of the audience, a darkly beautiful youth with platinum hair and eyes the color of wine scoffs at her last comment*
Dilandau: "You call THAT a flame thrower?! That's merely a match to light my cigarettes with!"
Chesta: "But, Dilandau-sama, you don't even SMOKE!"
Dilandau: "What would YOU know about MY habits?"
*Slaps Chesta*
"MIGUEL! GUIMEL!"
*Both dragonslayers appear at his feet on one knee*
"Bring me my FlareMaster X1500!"
Miguel & Guimel: "SIR!" *they run off*
Gatti: *full knowing he's gonna get slapped, but what the hell* "Dilandau-sama, didn't the vampire just say that outside help during the match is forbidden?"
Dilandau: "Oh, yeah. I had forgotten that. Thank you, Gatti."
Gatti: *suspicious* "You are welcome, Sire."
Dilandau: "Gatti?"
Gatti: "Sir?"
*SLAP*
Dilandau: "Nothing."
*Meanwhile, back where the real action is (lol)*
Jaken: *dripping wet* "My robes? These are dry-clean only!"
*His clothing begins to shrink*
Jaken: "What the--?! Ah--" *his cry's cut off as his collar chokes him*
Mitsuno & Naraku: "HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"
Saiyan: *curious* "I wonder if he'll turn blue and get all bloated..."
Sairen: "If he had lips, I think they'd be kinda purple. Rin may not have to do anything except sit back and watch as Jaken's life is squeezed out of him by his own garments!"
*In a moment of desperation, Jaken uses his staff as a javelin and throws it at the circuit box, cutting off all electricity. A bunch of ripping sounds can be heard. The emergency generators immediately click on afterwards, giving barely enough light to see by. Footsteps can be heard padding at top speed out of the ring. A white shaft of street lamp light spills into the mostly darkened arena as someone opens one of the double doors just enough for them to slip through.*
Mitsuno: *shouts in surprise and anger* "What the hell? Shalmar, can you fix that?"
Sairen: "Yes, please! We're trying to host a show, here! This is the second damn blackout in two rounds!"
Naraku: "Wasn't the first one your fault?"
**SLAP!**
*In the ringing silence afterwards, heavy clicking sounds can be heard that resemble switches being thrown*
Shalmar: *somewhere on the other side of the stadium* "Got it! Jaken's staff shorted out the main lights, but I think I can fix it. I need some kind of jolt to get the electricity running again, once I fix the wires."
*Pokémon side of the bleachers, which is right in front of the circuit box*
Ash: *calls back* "I have some duct tape and a Pikachu...will that help?"
Shalmar: "Um...that'll work."
Ash: *turns on his flashlight* "Come on, Pikachu!"
Pikachu: "Pika!"
*He and the electric mouse make their way over to Shalmar. She patches up all of the broken wires except for two. These she holds up in front of her*
Shalmar: "Ok, you two. Ash, you'll need to hold the light steady. Pikachu, I only need a small jolt, so don't use as much as you would when you fry Team Rocket, k?"
James: "Did someone say fries? I'm getting hungry!"
Jessey: "Oh, shut up, dolt! She wasn't talking about French Fries!"
Meowth: "Besides, the booth with the fries uses an electric fryer, and we ain't got no electricity because of that stupid frog!"
James: *mouth watering* "Mnnn....frog legs sound pretty good, too. GO, PIKACHU!!!"
Pikachu: "Pika? Pi, PikaCHUUUUUUUUUU!!!"
*The little guy lights up like a friggen Christmas tree*
Audience: "OOHHHHH!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
Rin: *Looks up from the long box she had stowed in a corner of the ring* "Ooh!! Pretty lights!!"
Saiyan: *who can see perfectly in the dark* "When did she get that box?" *notices torn rags on the other side of the ring* "And where the hell-I mean, heck is Jaken?"
*Sesshoumaru gives no answer except his little "someone's gonna die" smile*
*Saiyan exits The Box and gets back into the ring. He immediately walks over to Rin, who has opened the box. With a penlight in her mouth, she's reading the Japanese side of an instruction sheet and assembling some kind of machine. The vampire's eyes widen as he recognizes what she has*
Saiyan: "Where the devil did you GET that?!"
Rin: *smiles proudly* "Sessa-sama gave it to me!"
*@ Dilandau's little enclave, which is surrounded by smokeless torches*
*Miguel and Guimel have already reported back. If it was up to the latter, though, they would have hopped the next cruise to the Bahamas*
Dilandau: *dangerous eye twitch* "What do you mean, 'We can't find your FlareMasterX1500'?"
*Guimel winces*
Miguel: "We're sorry, Dilandau-sama. It wasn't in the trunk with the rest of your equipment; the entire box is missing!"
Dilandau: "Really? Considering that I distinctly remember putting it on top of the summer issues of Mad Magazine and locking the trunk, I'd have to say that SOMEONE must have broken in!"
Miguel: "Actually, Sir, the lock seems as if it was, well, MELTED on the inside..."
Dilandau: *seems to be turning this over in his mind* *yells* "FOLKEN!"
Folken: *winces* "I am right next to you, Dilandau. Miguel, bring me the lock and I'll analyze it."
Dilandau: "I'LL give the orders to MY Slayers, thank you. Miguel, bring Folken the lock and he'll analyze it."
*Miguel gives a bow before leaving. Guimel just looks relieved*
Folken: *sighs and rolls his eyes* "Guimel...you're pretty good behind a bar counter. Get me one of those Cosmopolitan things, if you will."
Guimel: *thinking* 'He only orders that when he's stressed.' "Want a cherry with that, too, Sir?"
Folken: "Three. One in the drink, the other two chocolate-covered; one dark, one white."
Guimel: "As you wish, Folken-sama." *bows and leaves*
Dilandau: *whines* "How 'come I don't get anything harder than wine?" *yells after Guimel* "BRING ME A BOTTLE OF AUSTURIA'S FINEST, AT LEAST 50 YEARS OLD!!!"
Folken: *tsch* "Like you need it."
*At this point, both the audience and everyone in the pretty much pitch-black Box is getting restless. Well, almost everyone...*
Mitsuno: "Shalmar, what in the nine hells is taking so damn looooonnnnng?!?!"
Sesshoumaru: "And how much longer am I going to have to listen to those two kissing?"
Mitsuno: "Huh? What? Sairen, what's he talking about?" *Mitsuno pokes her*
Sairen: ... *too busy to answer at first* "Mn--what?"
Naraku: *tauntingly* "Heh. Is Lord Sesshoumaru afraid of the dark?"
Sesshoumaru: "No. Just of what you two are doing in it."
Mitsuno: O.O "Say WHAT?" *a tiny fire springs to life on her index finger* "What the hell are you two doing?"
Sairen: "DUDE, PUT THAT OUT!!! YOU'RE GONNA TORCH THIS WHOLE BOX!!!!"
Mitsuno: *alarmed* "OHMYGOSH! I FORGOT!!!" *she puts out the flame*
Naraku & Sairen: ^__________^ *pick up where they left off*
Sesshoumaru: *rolls eyes* "Fool, this Box is flame-retardant." *rummages in armor for a match*
*Zoom to other side of arena, where Pikachu has chu'ed his last chu. (DarkFlame136: "at least i THINK that makes some sort of sense...")*
Pikachu: *weakly* "...chu...." *falls over with exhaustion*
Ash: "PIKACHU!!"
Shalmar: "That should do it." *somehow manages to connect both ends of the wire without electrocuting herself* "Thank you both for your help. I think Nurse Joy's over in the Nurse Joy section next to the Officer Jenny section. Just take Pikachu over and one of them'll fix him up."
*Ash takes Pikachu over to the Nurse Joy sections, where at least 20 different Nurse Joys are seated...all dressed the same...all with a Chansey...all wishing that Brock would stop flirting or drop dead*
Ash: *semi-frantic* "Nurse Joy! Please, help my Pikachu!"
Pikachu: "...akip...uhc..."
Nurse Joy (lol, just pick one): "What? How did this Pikachu become dyslexic?"
Ash: "Beats me. He's pretty drained, though."
Nurse Joy: *looks over at Brock, who still can't take a hint* "Joys! Huddle!"
Ash: O.O ()
*All Nurse Joy's huddle and whisper among themselves*
Brock: *thinking in a fashion not unlike Miroku* 'Hm...they must be trying to figure out which one can go out with me first!'
*The huddle breaks. Nurse Joy steps forward*
Nurse Joy 1: "We'll help your Pikachu if you can do us a small favor."
Ash: "Anything!"
Nurse Joy 2: "Since there's no Pokémon Center around here, we'll need you to go get us some supplies..."
Brock: *totally getting the wrong idea* "Aw, you don't have to get rid of Ash! We can just go somewhere else for our date!"
Nurse Joy 3: "...and get rid of HIM while you're at it!"
Ash: *scoffs* "That's easy." *hands over Pikachu* "Officer Jenny, come quick! There's a man over here harassing Nurse Joy!"
Brock: "Say WHAT?!?" *looks around* "Where is he? I'll show him!"
Officer Jenny: "What? A man's harassing Nurse Joy?"
Officer Jenny: "Don't worry, Nurse Joy, we'll take care of everything!"
Officer Jenny: "Let's go arrest that pervert!"
*Around 20 Police Officer Jennys storm the area and surround a totally clueless Brock*
Brock: *blushes* "Now, now, ladies, there's enough of me to go around..."
Officer Jenny: "Allright, wise guy, we can do this the easy way or the hard way." *brandishes a pair of handcuffs*
Brock: "Wow, Jenny, I never knew you could be so...WILD!!!" *he moves towards her*
*Around 20 cans of industrial-strength mace suddenly spray into his face*
Brock: *screaming in agony* "AHHHHH!!!! THE PAIN!!! MY FACE IS ON FIIIRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
*A few Officer Jennys round him up while another talks to Nurse Joy*
Officer Jenny: "Well, our job here is done."
Nurse Joy: "Thank you so much, Officer Jennys!"
Ash: *comes back with supplies Nurse Joy asked for* "Here you go, Nurse Joy." *notices Officer Jenny* "Hey, you're Officer Jenny from Pallet Town!"
Officer Jenny: "Oh, hello Ash! I'm surprised you remember me!" (DarkFlame136: "don't ask how, since they all look and dress the same!")
*Meanwhile, Shalmar's flipping the switches back on. Light floods the stadium and everything turns back on*
Audience: "HOORAY!!!!!"
All Elementals except Shalmar: "About damn time!"
Saiyan & Dairen: *blinking like crazy and growling curses*
Shalmar: *bowing and waving to the crowd, which is throwing long-stem red and black roses at her feet* "Aw, it's nothing! Thank you, though!" ^_^
*In The Box*
Mitsuno: *excited whoop* "Finally, back on the air!"
Sairen: *fixing clothes* " 'bout time, too."
Naraku: *sits back, acting like nothing happened* "Just as well."
Mitsuno: *scratches head* "Sairen...why on earth are you in his lap?"
Sairen: *cooly* "Because his ass is totally taking up the chair."
Sesshoumaru: "Speaking of asses...Jaken, you better have a damn good explanation for shorting out the lights!"
red neck judge from Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law: *waves tomahawk* "Yeah! What the dog said!"
*Jaken's kicking back in the ring, as if everything was the same as before. Only it wasn't...*
Sesshoumaru: *eyes the toad* "...Nice suit. I do not recall seeing you with it at the beginning of the match."
Yue: "Hmph. He's just mad because his lackey has better style than him."
Madison: *focuses camera lense* "You've got that right. That's a Gucci suit, complete with an Italian leather fedora and a genuine peacock feather, along with alligator-skin shoes." *pauses* "And I'm fairly sure that cane's of imported cedar wood with a 24-carat gold knob on top!"
Sakura: "Wow, Madison. You really DO know your fashion!"
*Madison blushes at the compliment*
Saiyan: "I was wondering where you ran off to after killing the lights. Where'd you get the money for the pimp suit?"
Jaken: *examines newly manicured fingers* "You gotta know where to shop, my dear vampire."
Saiyan: *shrugs in indifference* "Or simply where Sesshoumaru keeps his gold."
Sesshoumaru: *calmly checks pockets, pulls out his money bag. he doesn't even open it, instead weighing it in his hand* "I'm missing quite a few coins, eight hundred in gold, to be exact." *raises eyebrow at Jaken, who suddenly looks VERY nervous* "Any ideas...Jaken?"
Rin: *triumphant and self-satisfied grin* "Rin's all done!"
Jaken: "With what? Wetting your pants?"
*Still smiling, Rin just stands there. Saiyan, with a healthy fear for his unlife, hauls ass out of the ring back to The Box*
Jaken: *suddenly suspicious at the vampire's sudden departure* "Rin...what's behind your back?"
*The little girl whips out a giant, brand-spanking new silver flame-thrower with a barrel that has a 2.5" radius that's almost twice her height in terms of length. Engraved on the side of the barrel is--*
Dilandau: "--FlareMasterX1500!" *jumps out of chair, upsetting the bowl of grapes that was in his lap* "How did that little--" *draws out next word* "--GIIIRRRRLLL-- get my flame-thrower!"
*Folken comes gliding back*
Folken: "I'm not sure, Dilandau, but it seems that the thief used some sort of corrosive poison to take care of the lock on your trunk."
Sesshoumaru: *examines his own fingernails* "It was much more mysterious than breaking it off."
Mitsuno: *gazing with awe at Rin* "Oh, hell YES!!!!!" *cheers* "WOOT WOOT!!!!!!"
Sairen: "Rin seems to have in her possession a shiny new FlareMasterX1500!!!!"
*Shalmar appears in the ring wearing one of those sparkly, skimpy Las Vegas show girl outfits and matching high heels. She walks around Rin, making gestures to help show off her *ahem* DILANDAU's new toy*
Mitsuno: "Fully loaded with dual internal fuel tanks, this model is made out of 100% environmentally safe heat resistant metal and the fuel burns cleanly, so that you can have hours of fun at a time without worrying about mother nature or third-degree burns! Plus, rumor has it that the flames can shoot out over one hundred feet!" *can barely contain herself* "Kick ASS!!!!!"
Naraku: *puzzled* "How do you know all that?"
Sairen: "I bought her the Deluxe model for Christmas last year."
Sesshoumaru: "What's the difference?"
Sairen: *tries picturing the FlareMasterX1500 Deluxe* "An....extra barrel and slightly larger fuel tank."
Mitsuno: *nods head* "And at the push of a button, the flames shoot out in one of five different colors!"
Sairen: "Her favorite's the black one, with red in the middle."
*Mitsuno dances around in her seat, apparently antzy just thinking about her beloved flame thrower"
Sesshoumaru: "I'm sure Rin can get the job done with the regular model."
Naraku: "Maybe you can get her the Deluxe one as a gift for winning."
Saiyan: "This fight's not over yet. Jaken may actually win this by some wack twist of fate."
*The five of them consider this for a moment*
All: "NAH!"
*In the ring, Jaken's slowly backing up"
Jaken: *Nervous chuckle* "Rin...you wouldn't REALLY use that on your friend Jaken, would you?"
Rin: *confused* "Jaken's Rin's friend?" *accusingly* "Then why Jaken always a$$hole when Sessa-sama's not here?"
Sairen: "LMAO!!!!!" *rolls off of Naraku's lap and onto floor, laughing hysterically*
Naraku: *dryly* "Can't imagine where she learned THAT one."
Sesshoumaru: *more to himself than anyone else* "Hmn. Perhaps I SHOULD be more careful when speaking around her, even when I think she isn't in earshot..."
Sairen: *from floor* *in between laughter* "...You called Jaken an a$$hole?!?!" *cracks up all over again* "HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Mitsuno: -_-o "N-E-way...Rin, honey, wrap this up before she pukes from laughing so hard!"
Naraku: -_-;; *picks her up and deposits back in his lap*
Sesshoumaru: -_p "What'd I miss?"
Naraku: "Shut up."
*Rin's playing with the dial on the side of the flame thrower. Jaken, who knows damn well that she won't be able to turn it on, sees this as his chance. He starts fiddling with the knob on his cane*
Mitsuno: "Hm....both Rin and Jaken are messing around with their respective weapons."
*A large wicked needle comes out of the end of Jaken's cane. When he shakes it, a drop of clear, effervescing liquid comes out of the tip. It hits the floor of the ring, leaving a smoking, gaping hole to mark where it landed*
Saiyan: "What sort of poison is that?"
Sesshoumaru & Naraku: "And where can I get some?" *both glare at each other*
Sairen: *finally regains her businesslike composure* "I guess it comes with the cane, which Jaken is ready to launch at an unsuspecting Rin!"
*Jaken reaches back, takes a few steps forward, and hurls the deadly object straight at Rin's heart*
Rin: *still fiddling with nob*
Sesshoumaru: *actually raises his voice* "RIN!"
Rin: "Huh? OWIE!" *she cuts herself on the knob and drops the FlareMasterX1500. She bends over to pick it up just as Jaken's weapon reaches where she was standing. It misses her by a mere second and skews three of the people in the audience behind her*
Three unfortunate shiskabobs: "AHH--!!!" *gurgle, gurgle*
Mitsuno: "Oh, wow, that was a really close call!"
Sairen: "In one of those strange, ironic moments, Rin is saved by the child safety device installed on the FlareMasterX1500!"
Sesshoumaru: *relieved* -o- '...too close...'
Jaken: "What? How could she have ducked at just the right time?"
Naraku: *mutters* "The same way those people behind her didn't?"
Rin: *sucks finger* "It bit me!"
*Mitsuno jumps out of The Box*
Mitsuno: *cups hands and shouts* "Rin! You need to take the safety off!"
*Sairen reaches out and grabs her friend's shirt, pulling her back in*
Sairen: *waves finger in reproach* "Uh-uh, Misu--no help from outside the ring!"
Saiyan: "She's right, mate. Rin's gotta figure this one out on her own."
Mitsuno: *sulky* "Oh. Right." *sudden stroke of genius* "Hey! There's no ref in the ring, so it's not an official match, anyway, is it?"
*Saiyan shakes his head*
Saiyan: "That only works if the referee's disabled and unable to judge the match."
Mitsuno: *snaps in frustration* "Damn!"
Rin: *confuseld again* "...Safety? What that?"
Jaken: *not surprised in the least. or that smart, for that matter...* "Ha! 'figures you couldn't really use such a complicated device! Everyone knows that you need to turn off the child safety switch before you can use it!"
Rin: "Aw, Rin must have missed that part in instructions!"
Jaken: *rolls eyes* "I don't see how you could...then again, only you could miss a bright red switch next to the trigger that says 'Turn off before use!' "
Naraku: *shakes head in wonder* "What a dumbass..."
Rin: *picks up flame thrower* *spots switch with little difficulty, now that she knows what to look for* "Is this it?" *flips it into the OFF position*
WHIRR....
*Rin sets the dial--which now turns with ease--on MONGOLIAN BAR-B-Q*
Jaken: *shocked at his own lack of good judgement* "Oh, CRAP!" *eyes widen in understanding* "This suit's not flame-resistant! And I'm just renting it!!!"
Sesshoumaru: *smiles* "Renting, neh? I never knew he was so...THRIFTY!"
Mitsuno: *cheers* "YEAH, RIN!"
Sairen: "ROAST HIS CHEAP-ASS!"
Jaken: "No, Rin!! Please! Not the SUIT---NNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
*Rin pulls the trigger, engulfing the pleading Jaken in a big-ass pillar of flames, which rushes past him and also takes out the front row behind him*
Audience member: *running for his pitiful life* "OHMYGOOODDDDDD!!!!!!!!"
*A tiny flame licks his shoulder. Soon, a roaring fire bursts to life on his kimono, transforming him a running torch of death, charring all in his path. Living or not, nothing is spared from a fiery end*
(DarkFlame136: *gazes with pleasure on her last line* "i love it when i wax lyrical..." )
*Mitsuno's doing a war dance on top of The Box*
Mitsuno: "BURN, BABY BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dilandau: *dancing on top of chairs* "MOERO! MOOOEEERRROOOOOOOO!!!!" *evil laughter* "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!"
*The pyro stops moving long enough to take a swig out of a bottle. He grabs a torch and spits out whatever he drank, making a makeshift flame thrower of his own. Of course, everything in its wake buuuurrrrrnnnnns*
Dilandau: "WAY TO GO, KID! BURN HIM, BURN HIM, SEND HIM TO HELL!!!!"
*Other side of stadium, which is NOT on fire*
James: *sniffs air* "Frog legs..."
Meowth: *sniffs* "Mongolian barbecue..."
*Finally, after about five minutes--pausing only at the halfway mark to throw spicy pineapple glaze at Jaken and put on a pair of sunglasses--Rin turns off the FlareMasterX1500*
Sairen: *sniffs and drools* "...Mnnnn....that smells absolutely DIVINE!!!"
*Grabs fork and heads over to the ring*
James: "Hey! That broad's trying to steal our dinner!"
Jessey: "Don't just sit there! Let's get it before SHE does!"
*Team Rocket rockets down to the ring. All four get there at the same time, but not before Saiyan*
Saiyan: *takes one look at Jaken, who's still steaming* "Needless to say...This match goes to--"
Sairen: *interrupts* "Hold it, Saiyan. We need a taste-test."
Saiyan: *confused eye twitch* "Wa...What?"
Jessey: "She's right. Everyone knows that after a dish is completed, a taste-test is required."
Saiyan: *skeptical* "You guys didn't rush over to eat InuYasha when Sairen fried HIM!"
James: *wrinkles nose* "That would have been the equivalent to devouring insects that land in your bug zapper tray!"
Sairen: "Dry as a bone, WITHOUT marinade!"
Mitsuno: *from Box* "...ewwww...." *disgusted look on face*
Naraku: "That's just nasty..." .()
Sesshoumaru: ...
Saiyan: *sighs* "Ok, fine. You can have your bloody taste test. Just hurry it up, I don't wanna miss any more of Trigun than I have to!"
*Team Rocket and Sairen already have a shiny low table of dark wood with candles, chop sticks and glasses of wine set up in the middle of the ring, and fluffy cushions around it. In the background, a three-instrument band begins to play a soft, lilting tune*
Saiyan: "Why do I ALWAYS get stuck with the weird people?"
*Rin brings over the main course on a platter. Placing it in the center of the table, she serves up the Jaken*
Mitsuno: *whines* "I want sooooommmme!!!"
Sesshoumaru: *nose slightly twitches* "For human food, it DOES have a delicious scent..."
*The group begins eating*
James: *chew, chew* "Mmm...this is one of the best things I've ever eaten!"
Jessey: *swallows* "The hot peppers add to the sweet taste of the pineapple...very good indeed!"
Sairen: "Simply put: Yum, yum!"
Meowth: *mouth full of, well, the frog formerly known as Jaken* *barely chews before swallowing* "...can't talk, eating..." *wolfs down more*
Saiyan: *impatiently checking watch* "And your ruling...judges..."
*Rin crosses her fingers*
*Score board appears below table*
10 10 10 1
*Audience gasp at the last score*
Sairen: *waves fork with piece of meat on it near the cat's face* "Meowth! Take your paw off the zero!"
Meowth: *munch munch* "Sorry!" *tries to eat food on fork, but Sairen takes it back*
10
Saiyan: "Rin gets a perfect score from all four judges, making her both the winner of the match and a master chef to boot!"
Rin: "YAHOOO!!!!!!"
*What's left of the audience cheers, Dilandau among the loudest, along with Kaga Takeshi and Japanese Iron Chef Morimoto (DarkFlame136: "i THINK i spelled his name right")*
Mitsuno: "She's made all pyros and chefs proud with her brilliant display of open-flame barbecue with the help of the FlareMasterX1500!"
Rin: *blushes* "The sauce is what makes it happen, and that's a secret recipe from the lady of my village back home!"
Sairen: *calls over* "Mitsuno! You GOTTA try this!"
Mitsuno: "Save me a leg!"
Sairen: *thumbs up* "Hey, Naraku, you might like this, too!"
*Everyone in The Box makes a beeline for the ring. Even Sesshoumaru has a taste*
Sesshoumaru: "Not bad. Not bad at all. I guess in the end Jaken really WAS good for something!"
Naraku: *in between mouthfulls* "Yeah, a post-match snack!"
Sesshoumaru: "Speaking of last-minute enjoyments..." *finds Yue in the crowd* "I suggest my opponent lives these next hours like he would his last night on earth, being that it is!"
Yue: *feigns deep thought* "You know, I've always wanted a concubine, though you seem to be the only one around at the moment..."
ClowReed: *winces* "Ooh, MAJOR burn!"
*Yue smiles coldly at the enraged expression on Sesshoumaru's normally placid vissage*
Yue: "Bow down, bitch!"
*Saiyan barely manages to hold back Sesshoumaru, who then decides to use his more...advanced vocabulary, none of which is suitable to repeat here due to the rating of this faniction*
Sesshoumaru: *shouting across the arena, eyes blazing in fury* " ::gosh darn:: YOU ::quite hated:: SON OF A ::unshameful woman:: BITCH! GO ::preform something physically impossible to:: YOURSELF, YOU DIRTY PIECE OF HORSE ::feces::! ::anus opening::! ::daggon, maternal loving:: CROSS-DRESSING ::fatherless son::! GO TO HELL, BLEACH-HAIRED ::poopie:: HEAD!!! ::screw:: YOUR :female dog-:: ASS, YUE!! ::screw:: IT ALL THE WAY TO THE ::bloody:: ROCK YOU CRAWLED FROM, ::anus opening::!!!!!"
Kagome: *eyes wide, having trouble finding her voice* "My...That was...like...ten times worse than you, Inuyasha!"
Iuyasha: *absolutely shocked beyond words, and not because of how his own fight ended*
Naraku: O.O
Saiyan: "::crap::, that was even worse than Dairen!"
Dairen: *nods approvingly* " 'twas indeed quite worthy of praise, dear brother!" *does one-hand rich British-dude clap* "Good show, man! Brav-o! Brav-o!"
Mitsuno: *sweatdrop* "Well...at least Rashim's quick at the censor button!"
*Rashim gives a thumbs-up from behind the sound system, waving a buzzer in the air with his other hand. During Sesshoumaru's little episode, Dilandau enters the ring as well*
Dilandau: *goes up to Rin, who's a bit confused at all the strange words her guardian just shouted at the man who looks like him* "Hello, little girl. What's you name?"
Rin: *a little spaced-out* "...Oh, I sorry. Hi, my name Rin. What's yours?"
Dilandau: "Just call me Lord Dilandau." *pauses for a moment, eying his most prized possession* "That's some work you did with that flame thrower, Rin!"
Rin: *spaced* o.o *shakes head* "...Um...thank you, Dilandau-sama!"
Dilandau: "You know, with skills like that, you could be a DragonSlayer with a little training..."
Sesshoumaru: *turns from flipping off a pissed off Yue* "Rin a DragonSlayer? She has next to no experience with those beasts! And it's too dangerous!"
Dilandau: "It is NOT! I've YET to lose a man--or woman, but that's just because I don't have any on my team!"
Sesshoumaru: "No. Rin may be pretty good with a flame thrower, but she has yet to pick up a sword and I'd prefer it if she does not."
Dilandau: *slightly annoyed* "May I remind you who's FlareMasterX1500 that was in the FIRST place, Sesshoumaru?"
Sesshoumaru: "It's LORD Sesshoumaru to you, human!" *sniffs a little* "...though I sense you are not like the others of your kind."
Dilandau: *smiles* "And don't you forget it, either, LORD Sesshoumaru." *turns to Rin, who's giving the FlareMasterX1500 a once-over* "Come on, Rin, don't you want to come with me and become famous?"
Rin: *shocked* "Go with Dilly-sama and leave Sessa-sama?"
Dilandau: *twitch* 'Does she give EVERYONE a nickname?'
*Rin shakes her head wildly*
Rin: "Rin don't wanna leave! Rin kill Jaken so he can't keep Sesshoumaru to himself!"
Dilandau: *nods approvingly* "I'm telling you, that girl has potential..."
Sesshoumaru: "She's made her choice. Rin wants to stay." *glares challengingly at Dilandau, who shrugs as if he's not worried about it*
Dilandau: *pulls a business card out of a pocket* "Here; just in case one of you changes your mind. And I might add that we could also use someone of your caliber in our unit. Folken Strategos says that with poison as corrosive as yours, we won't have to worry about ballistas and all that good stuff to tear down walls."
*Sesshoumaru looks at the card as Dilandau lovingly gathers up his flame thrower (Dilandau: *all mushy* "Daddy missed you!" ~*SMOOCH!!!*~)*
*card text*
LORD DILANDAU ALBETOU
COMMANDER OF ZIBACH'S ELITE SPECIAL UNIT (aka: DRAGONSLAYERS)
CONTACT: FLOATING FORTRESS # 2, SUITE 666
SOMEWHERE IN THE SKY, ZIBACH EMPIRE, 42108-342
OR
ANYWHERE THERE'S A MASS FIRE, GAIA (no zip required)
*end cart text*
Sesshoumaru: "Good grief." -_-* "Let's go, Rin. I'll buy you an ice cream."
Rin: *cheers* "YAY!!"
*They exit ring*
Yue: *still smouldering* "Rotten Inu...that mutt's gonna PAY!!!!"
Sairen: "Aw, Mitsuno, can't we just have this fight today?"
Mitsuno: *thinks for sec, then shakes head* "No can do. I'm wiped out. We always give our fighters at least a day to prepare, anyway."
Sairen: *whines* "But I wanna see it NOOOOOW!!!"
Mitsuno: -_-o "Do what you want; I'm going to bed" *disappears in burst of flame*
Sairen: *growls* "Oh, that's great! She left ME to wrap up!"
Naraku: "I'm still here, too, you know!"
Sairen: "You're just the VIP. You're not even an official employee!"
Naraku: "So? You didn't seem to care earlier."
Sairen: *death glare* "See everyone at the next round, where you can find out whether or not THIS guy makes it!"
******************************************************************************
Guess what everyone? the other day when i was looking up the name of one of Sakura's friends, i found out that i have the same birthday as Madison and one of my stepsisters has the same one as Miss Mekinsie. is that cool or what? and you know what else is weird? how i remember all those dang Pokémon and the other characters without having to look them up... -_-;;;
*in a moment of self-congradualtion* Personally, i think this is my funniest chapter, and i KNOW it's the longest so far. i hope it's been worth the read, though. and in case anyone's wondering, i got the censor part from a radio commercial i heard years ago, where this couple was arguing and the naughty words were replaced with the clean version by this other guy with a deadpan voice. the "Brav-o!" comes from this one episode of the Proud Family (Disney Channel, lol) where Penny gets the lead in "Romeo and Juliet"; Dijoné and the director dude say it. Ain't it scary how i remember all this?
from--Ami-chan; aka: the chick who's typing this (hehe, my real name's a mystery, though my friends should know it. if anyone else REALLY wants it, i'll give you a hint in the next chapter!)
******************************************************************************
~*~Round III: Rin vs. Jaken~*~
*The second intermission is underway. Fans with the munchies are practically ambushing the Ramen and fast-food vendors--especially the demons, who keep trying to take a bite out of the people serving. Rashim and Shalmar have their hands full in this respect, giving a few painful object lessons on why it's impolite to eat people.
*In the ring itself, Dairen and Saiyan are deep in conversation.*
"Dairen, you know perfectly well that I have no idea what I'm doing."
"And you know perfectly well that I can't stop cursing if my life depended on it!"
"Um, you just did!"
"Son of a Bitch, I think you're right!" Dairen exclaims, pleased with himself. Saiyan sighs. "All you have to do is make sure they don't cheat or do anything against the rules; it's not that damn hard."
"It's a child and a toad," Saiyan points out, "and I'm not any more of a baby-sitter than you are!"
"True. But you're better at watching your damn language. I sure as hell don't want to teach the kid any new foreign phrases, if you get what I'm saying."
"Whatever. Hey, I think we're about to get started," Saiyan tells his brother.
"Yeah; Mitsuno and Sairen look like they're about to introduce the fighters."
"So get the hell out of my ring and find a seat!"
Dairen flips him off before taking Saiyan's place as a security guard.
*Mitsuno and Sairen make their way back to The Box. Naraku appears as if he had been taking a nap. When the girls return, he opens an eye.*
Naraku: -_p "Didn't bring me anything?"
Sairen: "Didn't get your happy ass up and GET anything?"
Mitsuno: *licks fingers* "Those giant chocolate chip cookies are the schiznit!"
Naraku: "Chocolate? I believe that is a delicacy among the humans of my time."
Sairen: *tosses a doggie bag into his lap* " 'round here, it's virtually a staple."
Naraku: *opens bag and finds a big ass cookie that's been broken into quarter pieces* *sniff, sniff* "How do I know you didn't poison this or something?"
Sairen: "Aren't you MADE of poison? Besides, I prefer more direct methods to get the job done."
Naraku: "Good enough for me." *takes a bite* "This IS pretty good." *continues eating with gusto*
Mitsuno: "Hey, isn't that Saiyan in the ring?"
Sairen: "I guess. Dairen said he didn't want to give Rin any new vocabulary lessons, since she's still pretty young. I still don't see how you can tell the two of them apart so easy."
Mitsuno: "You could, too, if you've known them as long as I have."
Naraku: *mouth full of cookie* "Dairen always has a golem of himself around?"
Mitsuno: "No...him and Saiyan are identical twins. You know, two people who look exactly alike?"
Naraku: "What? Then the tall male and female demons with the white hair--"
Sairen: "E L E M E N T A L S, dear Naraku, Elementals. And, yes, they are twins as well."
Naraku: "How the hell many sets of twins do you have running around here?"
Sairen: "I don't know, but I still think I saw two Sesshoumarus at the pocky booth!"
Naraku: *rolls eyes* "Not that again. I still think he finally swallowed his pride and went in line twice!"
Sairen & Mitsuno: O.o;;;
Mitsuno: "We'll solve that mystery later. On with the show!"
Sairen: "Our third round may be downsized, but that's only because the contenders are both under four feet tall!"
Mitsuno: "And that doesn't mean that it won't be worth watching! Like our first fighters, these two are vying for the attention of the same man, and getting on each others' nerves in the process!"
Naraku: "Is it me, or does having a bad habit of loving more than one woman at a time seem to run in their family?"
Mitsuno: "First of all, I seriously doubt that Sesshoumaru's a pedophile."
*The audience goes completely silent except for the crickets and Inuyasha, who's merrily laughing his ass off*
Inuyasha: "My brother a cradle-robber?" *doubles over and falls on the floor laughing* "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
*Backstage (so to speak) a curious Rin tugs on Sesshoumaru's robes*
Rin: "Sessa-sama, what's a peta-file?"
Sesshoumaru: *has his head down, though one can still see his eye twitch* "Never mind, Rin. Just make quick work of that toad Jaken so I may take care of that loud mouth red head afterwards!"
*Back in The Box*
Sairen: "Ye gods, Mitsuno; 'think you could have said that ANY louder?"
Mitsuno: "Probably not. Anyway, like I was saying, Jaken's not a female, either, so I think I found a hole in your theory, Naraku."
Naraku: *calmly and silently regards her while eating his cookie*
Sairen: *in an attempt to keep her friend from saying anything else damaging* "Getting back to the point...This student plans on becoming the teacher! Challenging the annoying Jaken to a battle in hopes of putting him out of business for good, here comes the absolutely adorable Rin!"
*Rin skips in to the tune "When I Grow Up". Sesshoumaru follows at his usual pace, still looking a bit peeved. On the way, he passes the crew from Card Captor Sakura/Card Captors*
Madison: *with video camera, as always* "Hey, Sakura was right! That guy DOES look like Yue!"
Sakura: "See, I TOLD you that wasn't him in the pocky line the first time!"
Li: *sulking* "Well, he could have just changed his clothes or something and got in line again!"
Yue: *frowning* "Like I'd stoop THAT low! There's no way in hell I'd put on makeup for another order of chocolate covered breadsticks!"
*Sesshoumaru stops*
Li: "Oh, shit!"
Sesshoumaru: "Well, now. So you're the platinum poser trying to jock my style. Not that it's working..."
Yue: *icy glare* "Excuse me? At least I don't walk around with a giant PINK FEATHER BOA, you feudal fairy!"
*All audience members* "OOOHHHHH!!!"
Inuyasha: *stands on seat* "I KNOW you're not just going to stand there and take that!"
Sesshoumaru: *as cold as ever* "For once, dear brother, I agree. Enjoy these last moments of you life, sirrah, for I, Sesshoumaru, shall proceed to slice you apart with your own split ends!"
Yue: "You're going to have a rough time managing that while my foot's up you ass!"
Sesshoumaru: "Assuming you can take your head out of your own first, which should prove quite the challenge in itself."
*Without another word, Sesshoumaru heads over to the ring.*
Naraku: "Well, damn. I think you jut got another match added to your roster!"
Mitsuno: "Indeed we do. If we heard right, Sesshoumaru has challenged Yue to a fight to the death!"
Sairen: "Two of the sexiest fellas in the house are gonna throw it down, right here on our humble show." *tries very hard not to drool a lake* "I LOVE this job!!!"
Mitsuno: "So let's get this fight started so we can hurry up and get to the next one! Not being the one to pass up the chance to get rid of competition, Jaken now enters the ring to reclaim his place as Sesshoumaru's favorite sidekick!"
Naraku: "I don't think he liked him to begin with."
Sairen: "He DOES seem partial to Rin, plus he killed him twice."
Mitsuno: *shrugs as if to say "Hell if I know."*
*Jaken, who can't wait to get rid of Rin once and for all, tries his best to keep a dignified pace down the aisle. For some odd reason, he has chosen "Fire, Water, Burn"--the Bloodhound Gang version, mind you--for his theme. All of a sudden, the track on the CD changes to "Why's Everybody Always Picking On Me?"*
Jaken: *confused* "What the hell? Change that back, insolent being!"
*Rashim, who's still in charge of sound, has a very large, shit-eating grin across his face*
Rashim: "My bad." *changes music back. Shalmar laughs*
*Both parties have entered the ring*
Saiyan: "Sorry, Rin, but no tag-team since Jaken doesn't have a partner."
Jaken: *shocked* "What? Lord Sesshoumaru's fighting as well?"
Sesshoumaru: "No, you fool, I am observing. I refuse to sit with those filthy humans or the lesser demons!"
Yue: *mutters from seat* "Who's got their head up their ass now?"
*Sesshoumaru's ear twitches. Saiyan, who heard Yue as well, uses all of his power as referee to prevent any unscheduled bloodshed*
Saiyan: "Yue, you'll get your chance later. For now, BOTH of you shut up and let these two duke it out first!"
Rin: "Don't worry, Fluffy-sama, Rin will be done soon!"
Sesshoumaru: *sigh* -_-;;
*Yue's eyes narrow*
Yue: "Did she just say what I think she did?"
Clow Reed: "It seems as if your opponent has a rather cute pet name."
*Spinner and Kero, both in 'doll-form', share a big grin*
Jaken: "How dare you embarrass Lord Sesshoumaru! Prepare to meet your end, child!"
*Both Saiyan and Sesshoumaru step back as Jaken leaps towards Rin*
Saiyan: *aside* " 'think he has a chance?"
Sesshoumaru: "Hopefully not."
Mitsuno: "Looks like we've started with a bit less ado than usual, with Jaken making the first move!"
Naraku: "That's some leap; he managed to jump from one side of the ring to the other."
Sairen: "He IS a frog, you know."
*Jaken attempts to bring his staff down on Rin's head. Rin jumps out of the way and doubles back, kicking him IN the back*
Sairen: "Yee-haw! and Jaken falls face-first and slides a few feet over!"
Mitsuno: "That was some counter. Where'd she learn that one?"
Sesshoumaru: ^____________^
Naraku: "Chances are, she's watched Sesshoumaru fight so many times that she picked up a few things."
Mitsuno: "Speaking of picking things up, Jaken's dusting himself off and getting ready for another go!"
Rin: "Hey, why you get back up? Rin thought Jaken was hurt bad!"
Jaken: "Sorry to disappoint you. Let's try a different approach." *one of the heads on Jaken's staff begins to shoot fire*
Rin: "That not good!" *begins some serious dodge work*
Mitsuno: "Um...Sesshoumaru, you know it's not legal for one fighter to be armed while the other isn't right?"
Sesshoumaru: *eyes quickly flicker to a hidden box in the corner of the ring* "She's armed."
*Rin starts doing somersaults back and forth over Jaken's had. The fire staff follows*
Mitsuno: *slightly annoyed* "I'm not talking about her left and right arms, either!"
Sesshoumaru: *patiently* "She is armed. Trust me."
Naraku: "And a lot smarter than she looks. There's a reason she's been putting on an acrobatics show."
Saiyan: "What? Oh!" *turns to Sesshoumaru, whispers something in his ear*
Sesshoumaru: *eyes narrow* "Will it work?"
Saiyan: "Judging by the distance that head can spit fire, I'd say so!"
*Saiyan and Sesshoumaru exit the ring*
Mitsuno: "Where do they think they're going?"
Sairen: *yells out of The Box; Naraku, right next to her, covers his ears and leans in the opposite direction* "Hey, Saiyan, you coward! Don't let a pilot light keep you from doing your job--you got a match to ref, and I'll be damned if THIS one goes unofficial!"
Sesshoumaru: *calmly from behind them* "What on earth are you yelling about, woman?!"
Sairen & Mitsuno: "EEP!!" *jump a few feet in the air and hold on to each other*
Naraku: *tired of chicks yelling in his ear* "Here, take my seat." *gets up*
Sesshoumaru: "I'll stand."
Saiyan: *shrugs and sits* "Don't mind if I do."
Mitsuno: "As if it's not crowded enough in here as it is! Why are you two in here? this is OUR Box!!"
Saiyan: "I don't feel like stopping, dropping and rolling if a stray flame hits me. And Naraku's my freaking hero, man!" *hugs Naraku's middle*
Naraku: OoO'' *somehow wiggles out of vampire's grip*
Sairen: *Tsch* "If you burned as easily as you claim, you wouldn't be at the beach every weekend."
Saiyan: *defensively* "The sun's not an open fire, Sairen!"
Sairen: *talks right over him* "And what's your excuse, Sesshoumaru?"
Mitsuno: *elbows Sairen* "Sairen! He's hot! Don't complain!"
Sairen: *pouts* "Still though..." *whispers to Mitsuno* "cute guy, all wet?!? Neh?"
*Each Elemental's off in her own little (halfway hentai) dream world*
*Sesshoumaru gives them a "don't even go there" look*
Naraku: "You've obviously never smelled a wet dog." *pushes Sairen half off her seat, jarring her from her thoughts and making room for himself*
Sairen: "What the hell? This ain't musical chairs; go sit in Saiyan's lap!"
FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ
KERSSSSSSPLASSSSSSH!!!!
Mitsuno: *a little surprised* "And that would be the sprinkler system over the ring turning on full blast!"
*Jaken's fire breathing shrunken head splutters for a moment, then the flames die all together*
Jaken: "My staff! You ruined it!"
Rin: "Ooh, Rin make waterfall!"
Sairen: "How did she know how to trigger the sprinklers?"
Mitsuno: "How did she even know what and where the sprinklers are?"
*Both look at Saiyan*
Saiyan: "All I know is Dairen had a talk with her before the end of the second round."
Naraku: "I thought the fighters couldn't get outside help. And the referee wasn't knocked out this time!"
Saiyan: "It was BEFORE her match started, not after, so it's legit. Shouldn't you be paying more attention to them, anyway, instead of grilling me on the rules?"
Naraku: *mutters something as impolite as it is inaudiable*
Sairen: "My, such language!"
Mitsuno: "Without his makeshift flame thrower, Jaken looks like he's at a bit of a loss."
*From the human side of the audience, a darkly beautiful youth with platinum hair and eyes the color of wine scoffs at her last comment*
Dilandau: "You call THAT a flame thrower?! That's merely a match to light my cigarettes with!"
Chesta: "But, Dilandau-sama, you don't even SMOKE!"
Dilandau: "What would YOU know about MY habits?"
*Slaps Chesta*
"MIGUEL! GUIMEL!"
*Both dragonslayers appear at his feet on one knee*
"Bring me my FlareMaster X1500!"
Miguel & Guimel: "SIR!" *they run off*
Gatti: *full knowing he's gonna get slapped, but what the hell* "Dilandau-sama, didn't the vampire just say that outside help during the match is forbidden?"
Dilandau: "Oh, yeah. I had forgotten that. Thank you, Gatti."
Gatti: *suspicious* "You are welcome, Sire."
Dilandau: "Gatti?"
Gatti: "Sir?"
*SLAP*
Dilandau: "Nothing."
*Meanwhile, back where the real action is (lol)*
Jaken: *dripping wet* "My robes? These are dry-clean only!"
*His clothing begins to shrink*
Jaken: "What the--?! Ah--" *his cry's cut off as his collar chokes him*
Mitsuno & Naraku: "HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"
Saiyan: *curious* "I wonder if he'll turn blue and get all bloated..."
Sairen: "If he had lips, I think they'd be kinda purple. Rin may not have to do anything except sit back and watch as Jaken's life is squeezed out of him by his own garments!"
*In a moment of desperation, Jaken uses his staff as a javelin and throws it at the circuit box, cutting off all electricity. A bunch of ripping sounds can be heard. The emergency generators immediately click on afterwards, giving barely enough light to see by. Footsteps can be heard padding at top speed out of the ring. A white shaft of street lamp light spills into the mostly darkened arena as someone opens one of the double doors just enough for them to slip through.*
Mitsuno: *shouts in surprise and anger* "What the hell? Shalmar, can you fix that?"
Sairen: "Yes, please! We're trying to host a show, here! This is the second damn blackout in two rounds!"
Naraku: "Wasn't the first one your fault?"
**SLAP!**
*In the ringing silence afterwards, heavy clicking sounds can be heard that resemble switches being thrown*
Shalmar: *somewhere on the other side of the stadium* "Got it! Jaken's staff shorted out the main lights, but I think I can fix it. I need some kind of jolt to get the electricity running again, once I fix the wires."
*Pokémon side of the bleachers, which is right in front of the circuit box*
Ash: *calls back* "I have some duct tape and a Pikachu...will that help?"
Shalmar: "Um...that'll work."
Ash: *turns on his flashlight* "Come on, Pikachu!"
Pikachu: "Pika!"
*He and the electric mouse make their way over to Shalmar. She patches up all of the broken wires except for two. These she holds up in front of her*
Shalmar: "Ok, you two. Ash, you'll need to hold the light steady. Pikachu, I only need a small jolt, so don't use as much as you would when you fry Team Rocket, k?"
James: "Did someone say fries? I'm getting hungry!"
Jessey: "Oh, shut up, dolt! She wasn't talking about French Fries!"
Meowth: "Besides, the booth with the fries uses an electric fryer, and we ain't got no electricity because of that stupid frog!"
James: *mouth watering* "Mnnn....frog legs sound pretty good, too. GO, PIKACHU!!!"
Pikachu: "Pika? Pi, PikaCHUUUUUUUUUU!!!"
*The little guy lights up like a friggen Christmas tree*
Audience: "OOHHHHH!!! AAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
Rin: *Looks up from the long box she had stowed in a corner of the ring* "Ooh!! Pretty lights!!"
Saiyan: *who can see perfectly in the dark* "When did she get that box?" *notices torn rags on the other side of the ring* "And where the hell-I mean, heck is Jaken?"
*Sesshoumaru gives no answer except his little "someone's gonna die" smile*
*Saiyan exits The Box and gets back into the ring. He immediately walks over to Rin, who has opened the box. With a penlight in her mouth, she's reading the Japanese side of an instruction sheet and assembling some kind of machine. The vampire's eyes widen as he recognizes what she has*
Saiyan: "Where the devil did you GET that?!"
Rin: *smiles proudly* "Sessa-sama gave it to me!"
*@ Dilandau's little enclave, which is surrounded by smokeless torches*
*Miguel and Guimel have already reported back. If it was up to the latter, though, they would have hopped the next cruise to the Bahamas*
Dilandau: *dangerous eye twitch* "What do you mean, 'We can't find your FlareMasterX1500'?"
*Guimel winces*
Miguel: "We're sorry, Dilandau-sama. It wasn't in the trunk with the rest of your equipment; the entire box is missing!"
Dilandau: "Really? Considering that I distinctly remember putting it on top of the summer issues of Mad Magazine and locking the trunk, I'd have to say that SOMEONE must have broken in!"
Miguel: "Actually, Sir, the lock seems as if it was, well, MELTED on the inside..."
Dilandau: *seems to be turning this over in his mind* *yells* "FOLKEN!"
Folken: *winces* "I am right next to you, Dilandau. Miguel, bring me the lock and I'll analyze it."
Dilandau: "I'LL give the orders to MY Slayers, thank you. Miguel, bring Folken the lock and he'll analyze it."
*Miguel gives a bow before leaving. Guimel just looks relieved*
Folken: *sighs and rolls his eyes* "Guimel...you're pretty good behind a bar counter. Get me one of those Cosmopolitan things, if you will."
Guimel: *thinking* 'He only orders that when he's stressed.' "Want a cherry with that, too, Sir?"
Folken: "Three. One in the drink, the other two chocolate-covered; one dark, one white."
Guimel: "As you wish, Folken-sama." *bows and leaves*
Dilandau: *whines* "How 'come I don't get anything harder than wine?" *yells after Guimel* "BRING ME A BOTTLE OF AUSTURIA'S FINEST, AT LEAST 50 YEARS OLD!!!"
Folken: *tsch* "Like you need it."
*At this point, both the audience and everyone in the pretty much pitch-black Box is getting restless. Well, almost everyone...*
Mitsuno: "Shalmar, what in the nine hells is taking so damn looooonnnnng?!?!"
Sesshoumaru: "And how much longer am I going to have to listen to those two kissing?"
Mitsuno: "Huh? What? Sairen, what's he talking about?" *Mitsuno pokes her*
Sairen: ... *too busy to answer at first* "Mn--what?"
Naraku: *tauntingly* "Heh. Is Lord Sesshoumaru afraid of the dark?"
Sesshoumaru: "No. Just of what you two are doing in it."
Mitsuno: O.O "Say WHAT?" *a tiny fire springs to life on her index finger* "What the hell are you two doing?"
Sairen: "DUDE, PUT THAT OUT!!! YOU'RE GONNA TORCH THIS WHOLE BOX!!!!"
Mitsuno: *alarmed* "OHMYGOSH! I FORGOT!!!" *she puts out the flame*
Naraku & Sairen: ^__________^ *pick up where they left off*
Sesshoumaru: *rolls eyes* "Fool, this Box is flame-retardant." *rummages in armor for a match*
*Zoom to other side of arena, where Pikachu has chu'ed his last chu. (DarkFlame136: "at least i THINK that makes some sort of sense...")*
Pikachu: *weakly* "...chu...." *falls over with exhaustion*
Ash: "PIKACHU!!"
Shalmar: "That should do it." *somehow manages to connect both ends of the wire without electrocuting herself* "Thank you both for your help. I think Nurse Joy's over in the Nurse Joy section next to the Officer Jenny section. Just take Pikachu over and one of them'll fix him up."
*Ash takes Pikachu over to the Nurse Joy sections, where at least 20 different Nurse Joys are seated...all dressed the same...all with a Chansey...all wishing that Brock would stop flirting or drop dead*
Ash: *semi-frantic* "Nurse Joy! Please, help my Pikachu!"
Pikachu: "...akip...uhc..."
Nurse Joy (lol, just pick one): "What? How did this Pikachu become dyslexic?"
Ash: "Beats me. He's pretty drained, though."
Nurse Joy: *looks over at Brock, who still can't take a hint* "Joys! Huddle!"
Ash: O.O ()
*All Nurse Joy's huddle and whisper among themselves*
Brock: *thinking in a fashion not unlike Miroku* 'Hm...they must be trying to figure out which one can go out with me first!'
*The huddle breaks. Nurse Joy steps forward*
Nurse Joy 1: "We'll help your Pikachu if you can do us a small favor."
Ash: "Anything!"
Nurse Joy 2: "Since there's no Pokémon Center around here, we'll need you to go get us some supplies..."
Brock: *totally getting the wrong idea* "Aw, you don't have to get rid of Ash! We can just go somewhere else for our date!"
Nurse Joy 3: "...and get rid of HIM while you're at it!"
Ash: *scoffs* "That's easy." *hands over Pikachu* "Officer Jenny, come quick! There's a man over here harassing Nurse Joy!"
Brock: "Say WHAT?!?" *looks around* "Where is he? I'll show him!"
Officer Jenny: "What? A man's harassing Nurse Joy?"
Officer Jenny: "Don't worry, Nurse Joy, we'll take care of everything!"
Officer Jenny: "Let's go arrest that pervert!"
*Around 20 Police Officer Jennys storm the area and surround a totally clueless Brock*
Brock: *blushes* "Now, now, ladies, there's enough of me to go around..."
Officer Jenny: "Allright, wise guy, we can do this the easy way or the hard way." *brandishes a pair of handcuffs*
Brock: "Wow, Jenny, I never knew you could be so...WILD!!!" *he moves towards her*
*Around 20 cans of industrial-strength mace suddenly spray into his face*
Brock: *screaming in agony* "AHHHHH!!!! THE PAIN!!! MY FACE IS ON FIIIRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
*A few Officer Jennys round him up while another talks to Nurse Joy*
Officer Jenny: "Well, our job here is done."
Nurse Joy: "Thank you so much, Officer Jennys!"
Ash: *comes back with supplies Nurse Joy asked for* "Here you go, Nurse Joy." *notices Officer Jenny* "Hey, you're Officer Jenny from Pallet Town!"
Officer Jenny: "Oh, hello Ash! I'm surprised you remember me!" (DarkFlame136: "don't ask how, since they all look and dress the same!")
*Meanwhile, Shalmar's flipping the switches back on. Light floods the stadium and everything turns back on*
Audience: "HOORAY!!!!!"
All Elementals except Shalmar: "About damn time!"
Saiyan & Dairen: *blinking like crazy and growling curses*
Shalmar: *bowing and waving to the crowd, which is throwing long-stem red and black roses at her feet* "Aw, it's nothing! Thank you, though!" ^_^
*In The Box*
Mitsuno: *excited whoop* "Finally, back on the air!"
Sairen: *fixing clothes* " 'bout time, too."
Naraku: *sits back, acting like nothing happened* "Just as well."
Mitsuno: *scratches head* "Sairen...why on earth are you in his lap?"
Sairen: *cooly* "Because his ass is totally taking up the chair."
Sesshoumaru: "Speaking of asses...Jaken, you better have a damn good explanation for shorting out the lights!"
red neck judge from Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law: *waves tomahawk* "Yeah! What the dog said!"
*Jaken's kicking back in the ring, as if everything was the same as before. Only it wasn't...*
Sesshoumaru: *eyes the toad* "...Nice suit. I do not recall seeing you with it at the beginning of the match."
Yue: "Hmph. He's just mad because his lackey has better style than him."
Madison: *focuses camera lense* "You've got that right. That's a Gucci suit, complete with an Italian leather fedora and a genuine peacock feather, along with alligator-skin shoes." *pauses* "And I'm fairly sure that cane's of imported cedar wood with a 24-carat gold knob on top!"
Sakura: "Wow, Madison. You really DO know your fashion!"
*Madison blushes at the compliment*
Saiyan: "I was wondering where you ran off to after killing the lights. Where'd you get the money for the pimp suit?"
Jaken: *examines newly manicured fingers* "You gotta know where to shop, my dear vampire."
Saiyan: *shrugs in indifference* "Or simply where Sesshoumaru keeps his gold."
Sesshoumaru: *calmly checks pockets, pulls out his money bag. he doesn't even open it, instead weighing it in his hand* "I'm missing quite a few coins, eight hundred in gold, to be exact." *raises eyebrow at Jaken, who suddenly looks VERY nervous* "Any ideas...Jaken?"
Rin: *triumphant and self-satisfied grin* "Rin's all done!"
Jaken: "With what? Wetting your pants?"
*Still smiling, Rin just stands there. Saiyan, with a healthy fear for his unlife, hauls ass out of the ring back to The Box*
Jaken: *suddenly suspicious at the vampire's sudden departure* "Rin...what's behind your back?"
*The little girl whips out a giant, brand-spanking new silver flame-thrower with a barrel that has a 2.5" radius that's almost twice her height in terms of length. Engraved on the side of the barrel is--*
Dilandau: "--FlareMasterX1500!" *jumps out of chair, upsetting the bowl of grapes that was in his lap* "How did that little--" *draws out next word* "--GIIIRRRRLLL-- get my flame-thrower!"
*Folken comes gliding back*
Folken: "I'm not sure, Dilandau, but it seems that the thief used some sort of corrosive poison to take care of the lock on your trunk."
Sesshoumaru: *examines his own fingernails* "It was much more mysterious than breaking it off."
Mitsuno: *gazing with awe at Rin* "Oh, hell YES!!!!!" *cheers* "WOOT WOOT!!!!!!"
Sairen: "Rin seems to have in her possession a shiny new FlareMasterX1500!!!!"
*Shalmar appears in the ring wearing one of those sparkly, skimpy Las Vegas show girl outfits and matching high heels. She walks around Rin, making gestures to help show off her *ahem* DILANDAU's new toy*
Mitsuno: "Fully loaded with dual internal fuel tanks, this model is made out of 100% environmentally safe heat resistant metal and the fuel burns cleanly, so that you can have hours of fun at a time without worrying about mother nature or third-degree burns! Plus, rumor has it that the flames can shoot out over one hundred feet!" *can barely contain herself* "Kick ASS!!!!!"
Naraku: *puzzled* "How do you know all that?"
Sairen: "I bought her the Deluxe model for Christmas last year."
Sesshoumaru: "What's the difference?"
Sairen: *tries picturing the FlareMasterX1500 Deluxe* "An....extra barrel and slightly larger fuel tank."
Mitsuno: *nods head* "And at the push of a button, the flames shoot out in one of five different colors!"
Sairen: "Her favorite's the black one, with red in the middle."
*Mitsuno dances around in her seat, apparently antzy just thinking about her beloved flame thrower"
Sesshoumaru: "I'm sure Rin can get the job done with the regular model."
Naraku: "Maybe you can get her the Deluxe one as a gift for winning."
Saiyan: "This fight's not over yet. Jaken may actually win this by some wack twist of fate."
*The five of them consider this for a moment*
All: "NAH!"
*In the ring, Jaken's slowly backing up"
Jaken: *Nervous chuckle* "Rin...you wouldn't REALLY use that on your friend Jaken, would you?"
Rin: *confused* "Jaken's Rin's friend?" *accusingly* "Then why Jaken always a$$hole when Sessa-sama's not here?"
Sairen: "LMAO!!!!!" *rolls off of Naraku's lap and onto floor, laughing hysterically*
Naraku: *dryly* "Can't imagine where she learned THAT one."
Sesshoumaru: *more to himself than anyone else* "Hmn. Perhaps I SHOULD be more careful when speaking around her, even when I think she isn't in earshot..."
Sairen: *from floor* *in between laughter* "...You called Jaken an a$$hole?!?!" *cracks up all over again* "HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
Mitsuno: -_-o "N-E-way...Rin, honey, wrap this up before she pukes from laughing so hard!"
Naraku: -_-;; *picks her up and deposits back in his lap*
Sesshoumaru: -_p "What'd I miss?"
Naraku: "Shut up."
*Rin's playing with the dial on the side of the flame thrower. Jaken, who knows damn well that she won't be able to turn it on, sees this as his chance. He starts fiddling with the knob on his cane*
Mitsuno: "Hm....both Rin and Jaken are messing around with their respective weapons."
*A large wicked needle comes out of the end of Jaken's cane. When he shakes it, a drop of clear, effervescing liquid comes out of the tip. It hits the floor of the ring, leaving a smoking, gaping hole to mark where it landed*
Saiyan: "What sort of poison is that?"
Sesshoumaru & Naraku: "And where can I get some?" *both glare at each other*
Sairen: *finally regains her businesslike composure* "I guess it comes with the cane, which Jaken is ready to launch at an unsuspecting Rin!"
*Jaken reaches back, takes a few steps forward, and hurls the deadly object straight at Rin's heart*
Rin: *still fiddling with nob*
Sesshoumaru: *actually raises his voice* "RIN!"
Rin: "Huh? OWIE!" *she cuts herself on the knob and drops the FlareMasterX1500. She bends over to pick it up just as Jaken's weapon reaches where she was standing. It misses her by a mere second and skews three of the people in the audience behind her*
Three unfortunate shiskabobs: "AHH--!!!" *gurgle, gurgle*
Mitsuno: "Oh, wow, that was a really close call!"
Sairen: "In one of those strange, ironic moments, Rin is saved by the child safety device installed on the FlareMasterX1500!"
Sesshoumaru: *relieved* -o- '...too close...'
Jaken: "What? How could she have ducked at just the right time?"
Naraku: *mutters* "The same way those people behind her didn't?"
Rin: *sucks finger* "It bit me!"
*Mitsuno jumps out of The Box*
Mitsuno: *cups hands and shouts* "Rin! You need to take the safety off!"
*Sairen reaches out and grabs her friend's shirt, pulling her back in*
Sairen: *waves finger in reproach* "Uh-uh, Misu--no help from outside the ring!"
Saiyan: "She's right, mate. Rin's gotta figure this one out on her own."
Mitsuno: *sulky* "Oh. Right." *sudden stroke of genius* "Hey! There's no ref in the ring, so it's not an official match, anyway, is it?"
*Saiyan shakes his head*
Saiyan: "That only works if the referee's disabled and unable to judge the match."
Mitsuno: *snaps in frustration* "Damn!"
Rin: *confuseld again* "...Safety? What that?"
Jaken: *not surprised in the least. or that smart, for that matter...* "Ha! 'figures you couldn't really use such a complicated device! Everyone knows that you need to turn off the child safety switch before you can use it!"
Rin: "Aw, Rin must have missed that part in instructions!"
Jaken: *rolls eyes* "I don't see how you could...then again, only you could miss a bright red switch next to the trigger that says 'Turn off before use!' "
Naraku: *shakes head in wonder* "What a dumbass..."
Rin: *picks up flame thrower* *spots switch with little difficulty, now that she knows what to look for* "Is this it?" *flips it into the OFF position*
WHIRR....
*Rin sets the dial--which now turns with ease--on MONGOLIAN BAR-B-Q*
Jaken: *shocked at his own lack of good judgement* "Oh, CRAP!" *eyes widen in understanding* "This suit's not flame-resistant! And I'm just renting it!!!"
Sesshoumaru: *smiles* "Renting, neh? I never knew he was so...THRIFTY!"
Mitsuno: *cheers* "YEAH, RIN!"
Sairen: "ROAST HIS CHEAP-ASS!"
Jaken: "No, Rin!! Please! Not the SUIT---NNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
*Rin pulls the trigger, engulfing the pleading Jaken in a big-ass pillar of flames, which rushes past him and also takes out the front row behind him*
Audience member: *running for his pitiful life* "OHMYGOOODDDDDD!!!!!!!!"
*A tiny flame licks his shoulder. Soon, a roaring fire bursts to life on his kimono, transforming him a running torch of death, charring all in his path. Living or not, nothing is spared from a fiery end*
(DarkFlame136: *gazes with pleasure on her last line* "i love it when i wax lyrical..." )
*Mitsuno's doing a war dance on top of The Box*
Mitsuno: "BURN, BABY BUUUUUUURRRRRRRRN!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dilandau: *dancing on top of chairs* "MOERO! MOOOEEERRROOOOOOOO!!!!" *evil laughter* "MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!"
*The pyro stops moving long enough to take a swig out of a bottle. He grabs a torch and spits out whatever he drank, making a makeshift flame thrower of his own. Of course, everything in its wake buuuurrrrrnnnnns*
Dilandau: "WAY TO GO, KID! BURN HIM, BURN HIM, SEND HIM TO HELL!!!!"
*Other side of stadium, which is NOT on fire*
James: *sniffs air* "Frog legs..."
Meowth: *sniffs* "Mongolian barbecue..."
*Finally, after about five minutes--pausing only at the halfway mark to throw spicy pineapple glaze at Jaken and put on a pair of sunglasses--Rin turns off the FlareMasterX1500*
Sairen: *sniffs and drools* "...Mnnnn....that smells absolutely DIVINE!!!"
*Grabs fork and heads over to the ring*
James: "Hey! That broad's trying to steal our dinner!"
Jessey: "Don't just sit there! Let's get it before SHE does!"
*Team Rocket rockets down to the ring. All four get there at the same time, but not before Saiyan*
Saiyan: *takes one look at Jaken, who's still steaming* "Needless to say...This match goes to--"
Sairen: *interrupts* "Hold it, Saiyan. We need a taste-test."
Saiyan: *confused eye twitch* "Wa...What?"
Jessey: "She's right. Everyone knows that after a dish is completed, a taste-test is required."
Saiyan: *skeptical* "You guys didn't rush over to eat InuYasha when Sairen fried HIM!"
James: *wrinkles nose* "That would have been the equivalent to devouring insects that land in your bug zapper tray!"
Sairen: "Dry as a bone, WITHOUT marinade!"
Mitsuno: *from Box* "...ewwww...." *disgusted look on face*
Naraku: "That's just nasty..." .()
Sesshoumaru: ...
Saiyan: *sighs* "Ok, fine. You can have your bloody taste test. Just hurry it up, I don't wanna miss any more of Trigun than I have to!"
*Team Rocket and Sairen already have a shiny low table of dark wood with candles, chop sticks and glasses of wine set up in the middle of the ring, and fluffy cushions around it. In the background, a three-instrument band begins to play a soft, lilting tune*
Saiyan: "Why do I ALWAYS get stuck with the weird people?"
*Rin brings over the main course on a platter. Placing it in the center of the table, she serves up the Jaken*
Mitsuno: *whines* "I want sooooommmme!!!"
Sesshoumaru: *nose slightly twitches* "For human food, it DOES have a delicious scent..."
*The group begins eating*
James: *chew, chew* "Mmm...this is one of the best things I've ever eaten!"
Jessey: *swallows* "The hot peppers add to the sweet taste of the pineapple...very good indeed!"
Sairen: "Simply put: Yum, yum!"
Meowth: *mouth full of, well, the frog formerly known as Jaken* *barely chews before swallowing* "...can't talk, eating..." *wolfs down more*
Saiyan: *impatiently checking watch* "And your ruling...judges..."
*Rin crosses her fingers*
*Score board appears below table*
10 10 10 1
*Audience gasp at the last score*
Sairen: *waves fork with piece of meat on it near the cat's face* "Meowth! Take your paw off the zero!"
Meowth: *munch munch* "Sorry!" *tries to eat food on fork, but Sairen takes it back*
10
Saiyan: "Rin gets a perfect score from all four judges, making her both the winner of the match and a master chef to boot!"
Rin: "YAHOOO!!!!!!"
*What's left of the audience cheers, Dilandau among the loudest, along with Kaga Takeshi and Japanese Iron Chef Morimoto (DarkFlame136: "i THINK i spelled his name right")*
Mitsuno: "She's made all pyros and chefs proud with her brilliant display of open-flame barbecue with the help of the FlareMasterX1500!"
Rin: *blushes* "The sauce is what makes it happen, and that's a secret recipe from the lady of my village back home!"
Sairen: *calls over* "Mitsuno! You GOTTA try this!"
Mitsuno: "Save me a leg!"
Sairen: *thumbs up* "Hey, Naraku, you might like this, too!"
*Everyone in The Box makes a beeline for the ring. Even Sesshoumaru has a taste*
Sesshoumaru: "Not bad. Not bad at all. I guess in the end Jaken really WAS good for something!"
Naraku: *in between mouthfulls* "Yeah, a post-match snack!"
Sesshoumaru: "Speaking of last-minute enjoyments..." *finds Yue in the crowd* "I suggest my opponent lives these next hours like he would his last night on earth, being that it is!"
Yue: *feigns deep thought* "You know, I've always wanted a concubine, though you seem to be the only one around at the moment..."
ClowReed: *winces* "Ooh, MAJOR burn!"
*Yue smiles coldly at the enraged expression on Sesshoumaru's normally placid vissage*
Yue: "Bow down, bitch!"
*Saiyan barely manages to hold back Sesshoumaru, who then decides to use his more...advanced vocabulary, none of which is suitable to repeat here due to the rating of this faniction*
Sesshoumaru: *shouting across the arena, eyes blazing in fury* " ::gosh darn:: YOU ::quite hated:: SON OF A ::unshameful woman:: BITCH! GO ::preform something physically impossible to:: YOURSELF, YOU DIRTY PIECE OF HORSE ::feces::! ::anus opening::! ::daggon, maternal loving:: CROSS-DRESSING ::fatherless son::! GO TO HELL, BLEACH-HAIRED ::poopie:: HEAD!!! ::screw:: YOUR :female dog-:: ASS, YUE!! ::screw:: IT ALL THE WAY TO THE ::bloody:: ROCK YOU CRAWLED FROM, ::anus opening::!!!!!"
Kagome: *eyes wide, having trouble finding her voice* "My...That was...like...ten times worse than you, Inuyasha!"
Iuyasha: *absolutely shocked beyond words, and not because of how his own fight ended*
Naraku: O.O
Saiyan: "::crap::, that was even worse than Dairen!"
Dairen: *nods approvingly* " 'twas indeed quite worthy of praise, dear brother!" *does one-hand rich British-dude clap* "Good show, man! Brav-o! Brav-o!"
Mitsuno: *sweatdrop* "Well...at least Rashim's quick at the censor button!"
*Rashim gives a thumbs-up from behind the sound system, waving a buzzer in the air with his other hand. During Sesshoumaru's little episode, Dilandau enters the ring as well*
Dilandau: *goes up to Rin, who's a bit confused at all the strange words her guardian just shouted at the man who looks like him* "Hello, little girl. What's you name?"
Rin: *a little spaced-out* "...Oh, I sorry. Hi, my name Rin. What's yours?"
Dilandau: "Just call me Lord Dilandau." *pauses for a moment, eying his most prized possession* "That's some work you did with that flame thrower, Rin!"
Rin: *spaced* o.o *shakes head* "...Um...thank you, Dilandau-sama!"
Dilandau: "You know, with skills like that, you could be a DragonSlayer with a little training..."
Sesshoumaru: *turns from flipping off a pissed off Yue* "Rin a DragonSlayer? She has next to no experience with those beasts! And it's too dangerous!"
Dilandau: "It is NOT! I've YET to lose a man--or woman, but that's just because I don't have any on my team!"
Sesshoumaru: "No. Rin may be pretty good with a flame thrower, but she has yet to pick up a sword and I'd prefer it if she does not."
Dilandau: *slightly annoyed* "May I remind you who's FlareMasterX1500 that was in the FIRST place, Sesshoumaru?"
Sesshoumaru: "It's LORD Sesshoumaru to you, human!" *sniffs a little* "...though I sense you are not like the others of your kind."
Dilandau: *smiles* "And don't you forget it, either, LORD Sesshoumaru." *turns to Rin, who's giving the FlareMasterX1500 a once-over* "Come on, Rin, don't you want to come with me and become famous?"
Rin: *shocked* "Go with Dilly-sama and leave Sessa-sama?"
Dilandau: *twitch* 'Does she give EVERYONE a nickname?'
*Rin shakes her head wildly*
Rin: "Rin don't wanna leave! Rin kill Jaken so he can't keep Sesshoumaru to himself!"
Dilandau: *nods approvingly* "I'm telling you, that girl has potential..."
Sesshoumaru: "She's made her choice. Rin wants to stay." *glares challengingly at Dilandau, who shrugs as if he's not worried about it*
Dilandau: *pulls a business card out of a pocket* "Here; just in case one of you changes your mind. And I might add that we could also use someone of your caliber in our unit. Folken Strategos says that with poison as corrosive as yours, we won't have to worry about ballistas and all that good stuff to tear down walls."
*Sesshoumaru looks at the card as Dilandau lovingly gathers up his flame thrower (Dilandau: *all mushy* "Daddy missed you!" ~*SMOOCH!!!*~)*
*card text*
LORD DILANDAU ALBETOU
COMMANDER OF ZIBACH'S ELITE SPECIAL UNIT (aka: DRAGONSLAYERS)
CONTACT: FLOATING FORTRESS # 2, SUITE 666
SOMEWHERE IN THE SKY, ZIBACH EMPIRE, 42108-342
OR
ANYWHERE THERE'S A MASS FIRE, GAIA (no zip required)
*end cart text*
Sesshoumaru: "Good grief." -_-* "Let's go, Rin. I'll buy you an ice cream."
Rin: *cheers* "YAY!!"
*They exit ring*
Yue: *still smouldering* "Rotten Inu...that mutt's gonna PAY!!!!"
Sairen: "Aw, Mitsuno, can't we just have this fight today?"
Mitsuno: *thinks for sec, then shakes head* "No can do. I'm wiped out. We always give our fighters at least a day to prepare, anyway."
Sairen: *whines* "But I wanna see it NOOOOOW!!!"
Mitsuno: -_-o "Do what you want; I'm going to bed" *disappears in burst of flame*
Sairen: *growls* "Oh, that's great! She left ME to wrap up!"
Naraku: "I'm still here, too, you know!"
Sairen: "You're just the VIP. You're not even an official employee!"
Naraku: "So? You didn't seem to care earlier."
Sairen: *death glare* "See everyone at the next round, where you can find out whether or not THIS guy makes it!"
******************************************************************************
Guess what everyone? the other day when i was looking up the name of one of Sakura's friends, i found out that i have the same birthday as Madison and one of my stepsisters has the same one as Miss Mekinsie. is that cool or what? and you know what else is weird? how i remember all those dang Pokémon and the other characters without having to look them up... -_-;;;
*in a moment of self-congradualtion* Personally, i think this is my funniest chapter, and i KNOW it's the longest so far. i hope it's been worth the read, though. and in case anyone's wondering, i got the censor part from a radio commercial i heard years ago, where this couple was arguing and the naughty words were replaced with the clean version by this other guy with a deadpan voice. the "Brav-o!" comes from this one episode of the Proud Family (Disney Channel, lol) where Penny gets the lead in "Romeo and Juliet"; Dijoné and the director dude say it. Ain't it scary how i remember all this?