~~~
The Welcome back ball. This swaree was nothing to take notice of, and if it wasn't being held at my house, trust me; I would have slit my wrists just for a decent excuse not to go. The ball was a lame reason to get the pureblood couples together and for parents to discreetly gloat about recent business deals and their son or daughter being prefect, head girl, getting such and such many O.W.L.s, or being particularly doted on by their instructor of so and so. Really, the bore of the century.
Black and green were, of course, the chosen color of the evening, so my mother and I coordinated a more shocking arrangement. Competitiveness ran through the family and even if I loathed being there, I was determined to be second to none.
Scarlet, though a color shown on the Gryffindor insignia it was still the color of blood, therefore still acceptable. So I used it to the highest of it's ability. I dyed my hair black, with scarlet ties and roses in my hair. This was not a stretch for my dark, coarse, brown hair, but the complete darkness of it all bought out my dark, almost black eyes. Add pale skin and a corseted dress with all the colors of a scorched, blood covered battlefield. I was not going to resemble an angel, but a goddess of war.
It rained that day; it was like a mirror of my feelings. It was the end of sixth year and I had finally come to grips with the fact Draco could never love me. In fifth year he was a adolescent full of life. He was exactly the man I would pick for myself. I could see the man he was going to become, and I loved that man. He was charming, aggressive, and wasn't out to please anyone. He was the only Slytherin that never tried for a teacher's approval. He never used the cunning he was so gifted with to receive anything he didn't absolutely need. That man would soon be mine to share my life with (weather I liked it or not, by the bye), but then something happened. The first day of lessons showed me someone I didn't know. He was no longer the fire-filled man I was hoping for, no, he was the shell of that enchanting sixteen year old, with nothing looking out from his eyes. He did perfectly on exams, but never held an intelligent conversation, he was charming, but never more was he enchanting. The old Draco was gone and I was left with this paper thin reproduction.
"Pansy has been out of the studio for all of school year, but today she went back and was hailed as perfect." My mother gloated of my ballet performance. I put my heart into that class and I really was good. I had been in training since age five and had gone to an annual month of training in Russia during summer. For once my mother wasn't lying.
"Draco has been a student of the Martrich academy for ages. Every Malfoy has been light on his feet and I intent to keep up the tradition." Mrs. Malfoy answered with cold civility. Anytime someone boasts in front of her she is quick to rally her defenses. Draco, in her mind, is the be all end all of children. In her perfect world Draco will be Minister of Magic, Prime Minister of Britain, Head of Hogwarts School, and President of several small countries simultaneously. Woe is the day that happens.
"Perhaps these two would like to show off their skill?" Mr. Malfoy drawled. No matter how long he had been a frequent visitor in our house I never enjoyed him. The sound of his voice sent shivers up my spine, and not the sexy kind. Everyone said father and son were replicas, but I wondered how people could make such a mistake, they were fire and ice. I stand corrected, before, they were fire and ice, now they might as well buy identical igloos.
Draco, without a word, offered his hand. I accepted, long ago deciding that if he wanted silence he would get it and if he ever decided to come back to the world, I would be there waiting for him to start a subject.
The dance was as silent as all the dances before it and the hours in the common room before that, but this time I decided I'd throw him off and start talking, and not only talking, but flirting with him, just to see if I can get him say something, anything that showed me the real him was somewhere in that cocoon.
We were close already so I decided to whisper in his ear, using all that womanly intuition gave to my disposal. "I've missed you Draco."
He didn't say anything for a while, then he replied in a stale manner, not caring to whisper. "How did you miss me? We parted company on the train only last evening." You see? This was not the Draco I had grown up with.
I might as well go on with this. If I wasn't going to be let into his heart, what could a little confusion do to a man always kept at arms' length? "No, I've really missed you Draco. I've missed you so bad. I'm just so lonely and cold." If I would have dared say this to the real Draco he would have slapped me and I would have said thank you. Draco never let me look stupid, or at least the real Draco didn't.
A few measures of the song went by, then a reply. "If you're cold why don't I lend you my jacket?"
I almost laughed aloud then. If a girl gave any breathing man an offer like that he'd have to be thicker than Dragon hide to not get the girl some champagne and rent a room for the evening. Apparently Draco and Dragon hide have a lot in common.
"But what about loneliness? It's been so long Draco."
We were waltzing near one of the servants doors, covered with velvet drapes to keep the opening hidden. Draco pushed me into the drapes and we came into the hallway between the ballroom and the kitchen door. I would have shrieked (hell, I might have for all I know,) from the sudden movement, but Draco had his hand firmly over my mouth.
Once that was gone it was replaced with lips. It wasn't a firm or aggressive kiss, but a gentile hurried one. Our first kiss was something memorable, for sure, but it wasn't long. Draco soon broke it off and for a moment I just stared into his eyes. There was something behind his them again. The eyes themselves were swirling like thunderheads before a storm.
He looked straight into my eyes and, in a voice I hadn't heard him use in the past year, he said, "You're beautiful and I l-" He stopped and so did the swirling in his eyes. Draco was gone, leaving only his vacant body. "-and I believe we should return to our parents."
So we did. I was too preoccupied to argue with a brick wall. This was obviously more than I had expected.
~~~
The Welcome back ball. This swaree was nothing to take notice of, and if it wasn't being held at my house, trust me; I would have slit my wrists just for a decent excuse not to go. The ball was a lame reason to get the pureblood couples together and for parents to discreetly gloat about recent business deals and their son or daughter being prefect, head girl, getting such and such many O.W.L.s, or being particularly doted on by their instructor of so and so. Really, the bore of the century.
Black and green were, of course, the chosen color of the evening, so my mother and I coordinated a more shocking arrangement. Competitiveness ran through the family and even if I loathed being there, I was determined to be second to none.
Scarlet, though a color shown on the Gryffindor insignia it was still the color of blood, therefore still acceptable. So I used it to the highest of it's ability. I dyed my hair black, with scarlet ties and roses in my hair. This was not a stretch for my dark, coarse, brown hair, but the complete darkness of it all bought out my dark, almost black eyes. Add pale skin and a corseted dress with all the colors of a scorched, blood covered battlefield. I was not going to resemble an angel, but a goddess of war.
It rained that day; it was like a mirror of my feelings. It was the end of sixth year and I had finally come to grips with the fact Draco could never love me. In fifth year he was a adolescent full of life. He was exactly the man I would pick for myself. I could see the man he was going to become, and I loved that man. He was charming, aggressive, and wasn't out to please anyone. He was the only Slytherin that never tried for a teacher's approval. He never used the cunning he was so gifted with to receive anything he didn't absolutely need. That man would soon be mine to share my life with (weather I liked it or not, by the bye), but then something happened. The first day of lessons showed me someone I didn't know. He was no longer the fire-filled man I was hoping for, no, he was the shell of that enchanting sixteen year old, with nothing looking out from his eyes. He did perfectly on exams, but never held an intelligent conversation, he was charming, but never more was he enchanting. The old Draco was gone and I was left with this paper thin reproduction.
"Pansy has been out of the studio for all of school year, but today she went back and was hailed as perfect." My mother gloated of my ballet performance. I put my heart into that class and I really was good. I had been in training since age five and had gone to an annual month of training in Russia during summer. For once my mother wasn't lying.
"Draco has been a student of the Martrich academy for ages. Every Malfoy has been light on his feet and I intent to keep up the tradition." Mrs. Malfoy answered with cold civility. Anytime someone boasts in front of her she is quick to rally her defenses. Draco, in her mind, is the be all end all of children. In her perfect world Draco will be Minister of Magic, Prime Minister of Britain, Head of Hogwarts School, and President of several small countries simultaneously. Woe is the day that happens.
"Perhaps these two would like to show off their skill?" Mr. Malfoy drawled. No matter how long he had been a frequent visitor in our house I never enjoyed him. The sound of his voice sent shivers up my spine, and not the sexy kind. Everyone said father and son were replicas, but I wondered how people could make such a mistake, they were fire and ice. I stand corrected, before, they were fire and ice, now they might as well buy identical igloos.
Draco, without a word, offered his hand. I accepted, long ago deciding that if he wanted silence he would get it and if he ever decided to come back to the world, I would be there waiting for him to start a subject.
The dance was as silent as all the dances before it and the hours in the common room before that, but this time I decided I'd throw him off and start talking, and not only talking, but flirting with him, just to see if I can get him say something, anything that showed me the real him was somewhere in that cocoon.
We were close already so I decided to whisper in his ear, using all that womanly intuition gave to my disposal. "I've missed you Draco."
He didn't say anything for a while, then he replied in a stale manner, not caring to whisper. "How did you miss me? We parted company on the train only last evening." You see? This was not the Draco I had grown up with.
I might as well go on with this. If I wasn't going to be let into his heart, what could a little confusion do to a man always kept at arms' length? "No, I've really missed you Draco. I've missed you so bad. I'm just so lonely and cold." If I would have dared say this to the real Draco he would have slapped me and I would have said thank you. Draco never let me look stupid, or at least the real Draco didn't.
A few measures of the song went by, then a reply. "If you're cold why don't I lend you my jacket?"
I almost laughed aloud then. If a girl gave any breathing man an offer like that he'd have to be thicker than Dragon hide to not get the girl some champagne and rent a room for the evening. Apparently Draco and Dragon hide have a lot in common.
"But what about loneliness? It's been so long Draco."
We were waltzing near one of the servants doors, covered with velvet drapes to keep the opening hidden. Draco pushed me into the drapes and we came into the hallway between the ballroom and the kitchen door. I would have shrieked (hell, I might have for all I know,) from the sudden movement, but Draco had his hand firmly over my mouth.
Once that was gone it was replaced with lips. It wasn't a firm or aggressive kiss, but a gentile hurried one. Our first kiss was something memorable, for sure, but it wasn't long. Draco soon broke it off and for a moment I just stared into his eyes. There was something behind his them again. The eyes themselves were swirling like thunderheads before a storm.
He looked straight into my eyes and, in a voice I hadn't heard him use in the past year, he said, "You're beautiful and I l-" He stopped and so did the swirling in his eyes. Draco was gone, leaving only his vacant body. "-and I believe we should return to our parents."
So we did. I was too preoccupied to argue with a brick wall. This was obviously more than I had expected.
~~~