Kita's Invasion
Disclaimer: I have just been informed that whatever I do not own belongs to my younger sister. [Okay, not really, that's just her ignorance when I borrowed a pair of her fuzzy slippers. Don't kill me!!] Yada yada yada… I don't own anything… okay, on with the story, I really must get on wi—
Zabet [younger sister Elizabeth. Get it? EliZABETh? Haha, anyways]: Excuse me, Kita, but everything DOES belong to me!!! *takes fuzzy slippers* FWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kita: I think not! *sends out mad copyright people to attack Zabet* Bwuhahahaha, the older sister prevails once again!
Zabet: I will… seek… revenge… *falls over with fuzzy slippers in hand*
Kita: Alright! On with my fandomosity! But before I begin, I would just like to say-
Zabet [still on ground… twitching a bit]: Stop typing blahness just to fill up space and get on with it already!
Kita: Shushies! I must talk to my readers/reviewers before I get on with it! Now, as I was saying… Zabet and I do NOT own anything we don't own. For instance, nearly everything. Also, if you haven't seen Rocky Horror Picture Show, go now and rent it. Why are you still here? Shoo. And don't forget to come back and read this. [Yesh, there is a reason why you need to see it]
~*~
"Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!" I broke free from Yuki, Tohru, and Kyou and ran towards Haru, who just so happened to be walking alongside Momiji to school. Yuki and Tohru were holding hands [AGAIN!!!]. Such blahness should not be allowed. But, it will prove to be useful in my plan that I have not yet planned out. What is this plan? Well, I will tell you!! Operation L-L!!! [Love-Love, for the dimwits out there]
"Did you get me my cheese wiz?" Haru held me back from a hug by putting his head on my forehead. "C'mon, where is it?"
*sigh* "Here it is. Take it… but keep it hidden." I slipped him the canister surreptitiously. "I can't let too many people see that, if you catch my drift." ^_~
"No, I don't think I do catch your drift…" Haru took the can with a questionable look on his face. "All right, what did you need help with?"
I glared at Momiji with wide eyes and jerked my head in his direction. "Not here. If you catch my drift."
"I do not catch your drift, so stop saying that! What the hell are you talking about?!?"
I hid my mouth from Momiji with my hand and whispered, "Operation L-L…"
"L-L??" Haru scratched the back of his head with confusion.
"LOVE-LOVE, MAN, LOVE-LOVE!!!" I grabbed the collar of his unbuttoned school jacket and pulled him closer to me. Grrr, he really is the stupid cow!
"Kita found love-love?" Tohru came bouncing next to us [with Yuki attached to her hand] with a giggly smile on. "Who is it, Kita? Did you find a lover??"
"NO! Ahahahahaha….. NO!! I was just… uh… I was just telling Haru how there was no love-love with Baca and me.. [refer to chapter 2 for idiot Baca]. I was just commenting on how he reminded me of the Blues Brothers with his nasty sideburns and sunglasses."
"Who are the Blues Brothers?" ^_______^
"Ah… erm… it isn't important! Let's get to class before we're late!!"
~*~
"Psst, Hana, c'mere." I hid behind the stairs near the bathrooms. "Is Uo with you?"
"Yes, is that a problem?" Hana's little hair stuck up from the top of her head and began searching my aura. "You're very secretive today."
"Yeah, what do you want, Kita? What are you up to?"
"It's umm… I want to… I am determined to begin a mission! Come here so we can talk in secret!!" Surprisingly, they both listened and crouched down near the ground with me. "I have this mission called Operation Love-Love. It's to finally get Yuki and Tohru to become lovers. What do you think?"
"I think… this is not a good idea. With Mr. Sohma having such a dark aura, I don't think I can allow Tohru to love such a person." Hana looked worriedly at Uo [who, at the moment, didn't know what to think]
"Well, maybe we should leave them alone and see what happens." Uo scratched her head and stared at Hana. "I'm sure her mom wouldn't mind it if she had the prince as a lover."
"Uo, we're supposed to be looking after her!"
"Ahem," geez, these friends were freakily over protective, "I'm sure the dark aura bit is just a family trademark. You said they all had it, ne? Could it be some flaw in their magnetic energy and whatnot?"
Hana stared without blinking. Uo slapped her back and laughed. "Sure, I don't see a problem with it. What do we need to do?"
~*~
"Alright!" I slapped a yard stick against my hand to catch everyone's attention. We were meeting in Kyou's room. I had pulled the curtains and turned off the lights to keep the spooky mood. Fwuahaha. So mysterious am I! A small lamp was placed in the center of the room. Hana, Uo, Haru, and Kyou sat around it while I stood up and paced around the room. "Velcome to Operation Love-Love."
"Why are you speaking with a German accent?" Uo looked at me strangely as if I were a dweeb. Dweeb, hah! Well… okay… I am.
"No reason…" ¬_¬;;
"Why did I have to come if Momiji isn't here?" Haru looked around the room not seeing a single person crying, hopping around, or shrieking.
"He didn't exactly agree with the plan."
~le flashback~
"Momiji, I have a plan to get Yuki and Tohru to become lovers. Well, not exactly a plan, but I need your help in creating one. What do you think?"
"Why can't it be me and Tohru?!?!" He began whining until Kyou came up and hit his head. Then he began whining about Kyou.
~le fin~
"Anyways! The failure to recruit one member into this mission is not reason to back out, sooo, on with the planning!"
"You still haven't made a plan?" Kyou sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Alright mister, so I don't have a plan, that's no excuse to get an attitude with me!
"I'm not sure if this is a smart idea," Hana glanced around the room slowly. "They're all keeping secrets from us."
Uo clapped a hand on Hana's shoulder and began laughing. "Don't be so serious! They're only going to start dating, it's no vow of marriage!"
There was a knock on the door and Shigure's voice seeped in from the hallway. "Kyou, find Kita. Ritsu is here for a visit, so Tohru made a nice dinner. Hurry up so we can eat!"
"Feh, fine!" Kyou stood up and threw the curtains open. "I'm hungry, so we're going to do this later. Everyone, go home!"
Kyou and I left to meet Ritsu while everyone else scrambled out of Kyou's window. "Do you think we'll be able to finally pair Yuki and Tohru?" I grabbed onto the stair rail and walked ahead of Kyou. Before he could answer, my jaw dropped as I saw Ritsu and Shigure talking.
"RITSU?!? WHAT THE HELL?!?" Kyou face-faulted and ran ahead of me, standing in front of Ritsu with a dropped jaw.
"Ritsu! Are you alright?" I ran towards him… at least I'm pretty sure it was him. In front of me was a Ritsu garbed up in nothing but a red bustier, black satin undies, and fishnet stockings and gauntlets. His hair was tied back so the black feather boa could better be seen around his neck. "What are you dressed up as??"
"I'm getting ready to go see The Rocky Horror Picture Show downtown. It's a double feature tonight. Would any of you like to go with me?"
"Yes, so instead I tried the *other* bag of fertilizer!" Yuki explained to Tohru as they walked into the room. After turning his head away from Tohru, Yuki stopped dead in his tracks and pointed a finger at Ritsu. "What… What *IS* that thing?!?!"
"Hello! I called earlier and Shigure said Tohru and Kita would be able to help with my makeup. Is that alright?"
"Eh? Makeup?" I looked at Tohru to see her reaction, but it was totally different than the nervy spaz look I had imagined. She had both hands clapped together under her chin and was staring at Ritsu wide-eyed.
"I Love Your Boa!!" Tohru left Yuki's side and glomped onto Ritsu's arm. "Where did you buy it?!?"
"Ayame's store!" ^_^ Ritsu and Tohru left for the sitting room to talk more about makeup styles they should try.
"That… was erm… interesting." I shifted my eyes towards Yuki and Kyou to find them frozen in place, jaws ready to hit the floor. ;;. .;;
"The snake sold THAT?!?" Yuki began trembling with fury. *tremble tremble* Hmm, it WAS a pretty boa, and I wouldn't mind the bustier. What was I saying?!? "FIND AYAME AND SKIN HIM ALIVE!!!!"
"Don't blame Ayame!!" I grabbed Yuki's arm and dragged him to the table where Tohru and Ritsu were at. I had to execute Operation L-L… and FAST. I have no clue how much longer I'll be writing this story.
Kyou and Shigure came walking in. Shigure didn't look flustered one bit. He had one of his kawaii smiles on and was humming.
"Ritsu, did Ayame say if he was coming?" ^_^ Shigure sat down next to me. WAH!!?! WHAT WAS ON MY KNEE!!!?!? I sneaked a peek and saw Shigure's hand on my knee!!! AI!!!
"He should be here later tonight. Are you going with us?"
"Of course!" His fingers kind of squeezed my kneecap. It tickled!! STOOOOP!!! I tried my hardest not to laugh.
"Kita, are you okay?" Kyou was staring at my face weirdly. What was it? Did *I* have a feather boa on?? NO! So why was he now staring at me like I was a freak?
"YYYYEEEESSS!!" . [---- face of holding back laughter] Oh, that's right. Maybe that face was freaking him out.
"Who else wants to go?" Shigure loosened his fingers from my knee and began inching up my skirt. NO!! NAUGHTY SHIGURE!! BAD BOY!!!
"I Do!" Tohru chirped up happily.
"So Does Yuki!!" I shouted, slamming my hand on the table. I had to start Operation L-L somewhere!! Plus, I could go too. Tons of guys dressed up in corsets with too much makeup on… Yeah, sounded fun enough. "I'll go too."
Shigure glanced at Kyou for a second then turned back to Ritsu. "Well, I guess that's settled. After dinner we'll put everyone in costume and makeup. So, what's for dinner?"
"I WANT TO GO!" Kyou crossed his arms and stared at the wall as if he hadn't said anything. He glared at me for a second as if it were MY fault and then went back to his lovely little wall.
KYA!!! Shigure had reached the hem of my skirt!!! I put on a cheesy smile and shoved my hand under the table. I found his wrist and pinched it as hard as I could. Muhahahaha.
"Itai! Kita, that was so mean!" Shigure pulled his hand from under the table and examined his red wrist. "I think you need to be punished!" ^_^
Before I could come back with a clever [yet witty] retort, the sliding door slid open and there was Ayame, with Hatori at his side. [bum bum BUM!]
"Ooh! Aya!" ^_^
Yuki stood up from his seat and ran towards Ayame, scissors in hand. "DIE!! TOHRU, TRANSFORM HIM, WE'RE HAVING SNAKE FOR DINNER!!!" There was no reply. "Tohru?"
Now that Shigure's hand was off me, I finally realized Tohru wasn't there any more. Neither was Ritsu.
"Where is Ritsu? I thought he would be here by now." Hatori glanced around the room, then at Shigure accusingly. "Go find him."
Shigure looked at us sneakily. "You heard the man, everyone up and find him!" Reluctantly Kyou, Yuki and I stood up and made our way upstairs.
First we checked Kyou's room. The feather boa was there.
"What was he doing in my room!?!?!?"
I picked up the boa and examined it carefully. "This truly is a mystery!" With my authoress magic wand, I zapped on a Sherlock Holmes outfit. "Follow me, gentlemen!" I held up the large magnifying glass and studied the ground. "Ah ha!"
"What is it?" Yuki bent near me to look at a blue ribbon I had found wedged between the floorboards.
"It looks like Tohru's hair tie," Kyou murmured. "Do you think they're okay?"
"I bet that snake has something to do with this!" Yuki got up to storm out of the room, but I lassoed him with the feather boa.
"We're not going anywhere until we figure this out!" If I had a whip, I would crack it. Obey me, my slaves! I stood up and dusted my knees off. "Now, let's go to the next room." Which would be Yuki's room. I doubted if we would find another clue, but I thought it was worth a try anyways.
We tiptoed to Yuki's room, careful to not make a sound in case the criminal who had ripped off Tohru's ribbon and Ritsu's boa was still present.
"Psst, Kita, look at this." Kyou pointed at a button on the ground. "Do you think this is anything?"
"That looks like the buttons on Tohru's sweater," Yuki whispered as if not realizing he was speaking.
Kyou looked at him weirdly. "How did you know that?"
"I'm an observant person, unlike you, baka neko."
"Okay, okay, be quiet." I pocketed the button and tiptoed across the room. Yuki's closet was wedged open. I reached out my hand to open it.
"Kita!! NOOOOO!!!" In slow motion, yesh, slow motion in a story, Yuki tried to close the closet before Kyou and I could see inside.
"YOU FREAK!" Kyou shoved Yuki to the ground as soon as I had opened the closet. Inside were TONS of photographs of Tohru. There were unlit candles on the ground, surrounded by girls' underwear.
"Uhh…" O_O;; I shut the closet quickly. "Next room…"
We tiptoed to Tohru's and my room. Before we opened the door, I could hear sounds from inside. "The culprit must be in here!" I creaked the door open just enough for Yuki, Kyou and me to peek a look inside. What we saw was a very, very disturbing site.
Ritsu, in his Rocky Horror Picture Show costume, had a topless Tohru clinging onto him. She had her legs wrapped around him and her hands pulling at his hair. Ritsu's hands [on the other hand] were up Tohru's skirt.
"TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME, I WANNA BE DI-I-IRTY!! Thrill me, Chill me, Fulfill me! Creature of the night!" Tohru screamed out as Ritsu bit her shoulder.
"Creature of the night," Ritsu moaned into Tohru's skin.
Yuki whispered in disbelief, "Creature of the night?"
I nodded solemnly and answered, "Yes, creature of the night."
"Creature of the night…" Kyou said stunned.
Behind us, I heard a giggle. When we all turned to see who it was, Ayame stood there. "Creature of the night."
Back inside the room, Ritsu had moved Tohru against the wall. "Creature of the night."
"Creature of the night!" Tohru exclaimed as Ritsu grinded her against the wall.
Kita: *presses pause on the special authoress remote* In case nobody noticed, I stole that straight from the movie. If you haven't seen it… Go now and rent it. After reading and reviewing this. It's a very good… Disturbing movie. *presses play*
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Yuki swung open the door.
Operation L-L was officially cancelled…
"Yuki!" Tohru hid behind Ritsu and looked over his shoulder.
"Aya, what's going on up there? Did you find them?" Shigure was coming up from behind us. "Why are you two on the ground?" He stared at Kyou and me a while before lifting his head to inside the room. "Ritsu?" Shigure opened the door wider to see Yuki standing in a very fatal position, almost ready to pop. "Tohru?" He noted the topless Tohru and hid a smile.
"Shi! They're finally learning from us!"
~*~
Hatori finally had dragged Yuki out of the room and left Tohru to change. The rest of us went downstairs. After all that was over with, Tohru and I helped all the boys with their makeup.
"How did I turn out to be Riff Raff?!?" Yuki looked down at his nasty outfit and held on to the nappy wig. "Why couldn't I be someone else?"
"You look cute!" Tohru exclaimed. ^_^ She fluffed her huge curly wig. "I think we're a good couple for Magenta and Riff Raff."
"At least you aren't Brad." Kyou crossed his arms and faced away from me. I was Janet… wearing the cute little pink dress she wore at the beginning of the movie. Everyone else, Ayame, Ritsu and Shigure were dressed up as transvestites.
"Where's Hatori?" But I had spoken too soon. The door creaked open and Hatori walked out in a little golden speedo. "Rocky!!!"
-///-;; [---- blushing/sweat drop]
Haru and Momiji, out of no where, walked in dressed up. Haru was drenched in black leather with a cut across his forehead. Momiji… with his hair dyed red… wore a sequin outfit with purple tights and tap shoes.
"Eddie and Columbia!!" I squealed with delight as we all piled into the car and headed towards the theater.
In the car I sat with Kyou, Haru, and Momiji. We all had to pack in like sardines to fit everyone. "Psst, Kyou, do you think Operation L-L is off?"
"Damn it, Janet, I don't know." Hah, a bit of the Rocky Horror humor.
"What do you think, Haru?"
"I get to keep the cheese wiz, right?"
"Yes, you get to keep the cheese wiz…"
"Then yeah, it's off. You said you saw them.. ermm.. having fun together?" Haru opened up the canister of cheese wiz and sprayed some on his finger. He licked it off and continued. "Maybe it's for the best if Tohru and Ritsu are together."
"What are you talking about, slow cow! The whole plan was to get Yuki off my back!!" Kyou smacked the back of Haru's head.
"What are you all talking about? Tohru shouldn't be with a rat!!" Momiji began whining and clinging onto my sleeve.
"Momiji, don't cry, you'll smear your makeup."
"We're here!" Shigure opened the car door and stretched his back.
Outside the theatre sign read: Tonight's Double Feature- Young Frankenstein
"Ayame. Why did you tell us The Rocky Horror Picture Show was playing tonight." Hatori's threatening voice sounded throughout the car.
"Whoops, my mistake!" ^_^
~*~
Kita: Aloha, my darling readers/reviewers! How are you all doing? No, shush, tell me in a review! Bwuhahaha. I could become a lawyer with my persuasion skills. You know, I received a very interesting review from Hikari Rioki. They said some yada yada that I absolutely loved reading, then said an interesting bit about ME being paired up with someone. Unfortunate to say, probably not. I am gamophobic, sad enough. [well, according to my cousin when we played 'Don't Be A Dork' during the winter holidays]
Yuki, Kyou, Haru: We're saved!!!
Kita: Not so fast, I might go psycho on you and fall madly in love with you! [okay, so I already have…]
Momiji: I want to be paired with Tohru!!! ;___; (Ritsu… that lucky bastard)
Kita: NO! This is my story, we do as I write! *yanks on chains attached to everyone's ankles* You know who I can't wait to write about?? AKITO!!! I don't know how I might bring him into the story yet, but I promise the day WILL come.
Yuki: No!! You evil woman!!
Kita: Quiet! *waves magical authoress wand and buttons Yuki's mouth shut* I know this chapter might bring on the flames, but I don't care. [as long as I get them] But please remember to use correct punctuation and spelling. It makes reading it a LOT easier. And don't blame Ritsu for any of this… he's just a sweet transvestite! ^_^