Book Two/Chapter Thirty-Four: Considerations

I hadn't eaten lunch with Sabrina in a few days. I was worried she was keeping some distance between us because she had the wrong impression that Ben and I were disappointed in her.

Although she often made what I considered to be bad decisions, I was doing might best to not offer any unwanted advice or criticize her in any way. To make that clear, today, I arrived early for work and brought us both breakfast. She often arrived early at the library and I was hoping to catch her.

If Sabrina was anything thing, it was punctual. She arrived thirty minutes early as I'd expected although her smile was waning.

"Good morning," I told her. "I hope you're hungry." I was counting on her being receptive. The tone of her response would increase or lessen my worries.

"Starved," she told me while unlocking the library door. "This is nice of you but you didn't have to do that. I usually run to the cafeteria before my day begins."

"I do too sometimes, but on the menu today is oatmeal and I know how you feel about squishy food."

As we walked in, Sabrina glanced back at me and scrunched her nose in disgust. "Then, thank you even more. You're right but how did you know that?"

How could I not? "Because we're friends and I tried to feed you quinoa once and you gagged," I reminded her. In fact, she'd made a rather big deal about it if I recalled.

The night before, I'd lay in bed awake for a while trying to figure out a way to start a particular conversation with her. After about an hour of laying there wide-eyed, I'd decided it would be best if I wasn't the one to bring up the pregnancy. I was going to allow her to do it. I just hoped she would.

Once the lights were all on and she had put away her personal things, our meal was spread out on her desk. This morning, the bakery had chocolate croissants available. I grabbed a couple of them and some Greek yogurt as well, along with two lattes. I couldn't wait to try them, although I was worried slightly about the yogurt. Lately, I hadn't been able to eat much dairy without it upsetting my stomach. I was beginning to wonder if I was becoming lactose intolerant.

"Oh, my!" Sabrina exclaimed, her eyes closed as she savored her first bite. "These are so good! Thanks, Ami."

"You're welcome," I replied fondly while enjoying the warm bread myself. "We haven't had a chance to spend much time together lately and I wanted to see you," I told her, intentionally shoving the ulterior motive far back in my mind. I didn't want her to be suspicious. "How have you been?"

"You know," she told me. "Well, I guess you don't."

I could've easily been offended by her comment, but I refused to do that. Instead, I paid attention to the fact she had opened the door to the topic herself.

"Well for a pregnant lady, you look great. How are you feeling?"

"Bloated. My jeans no longer fit," she complained as if that was a huge loss. It seemed such a small matter to me. I was more pleased that she had decided to keep the baby.

"They will again before you know it." I was trying to be encouraging, although her spirit was definitely dampened. I'd always heard about something called a pregnant glow. I wasn't sure Sabrina had that. Maybe it was just slow in coming. From my estimations based on what she'd told me, she should be four months pregnant by now and her belly was beginning to show. "Have you informed Mr. Moody yet?"

"I didn't have a choice. You know how this town is. If I hadn't told him soon, somebody else would've."

"How did he take the news?" I was curious since I hadn't actually heard a single person say a word about Sabrina lately. But then everyone knew we were friends and most likely were leaving me out of the loop on purpose.

"Typical Moody," she answered. "After I told him, I had to sit through a ten-minute history lesson on the rules of conduct teachers had to live by in the 1800s. I think he enjoyed pointing out how I wouldn't have a job if we were living in those days."

"You're kidding. That seems irrelevant but it explains why he's still a bachelor. The man can be so condescending sometimes. Other times, he's supportive and kind. He's confusing."

Sabrina chuckled softly and was quiet for a long moment as she sipped her latte. Finally, she began to speak quietly and a little reluctantly. "Ami, would you think badly of me if I didn't want to keep the baby? I don't mean get an abortion, but I'm thinking about putting it up for adoption."

I was stunned when I probably shouldn't be. Sabrina had never been what I would call happy about being pregnant. Not like I would be. Whenever I do have the chance to have a baby of my own, I'll be sure to drive my husband crazy with all my demands about decorating the nursery and picking out the perfect name. Sabrina seemed more anxious than excited.

"Whatever you decide is up to you and I'll support your decision. I just want you to be happy, Sabrina. And if that means giving your baby to a couple who will no doubt love it as their own, then I think that's highly responsible of you."

"Responsible," Sabrina repeated with a sigh. "You make it sound like I'm making an adult decision. Granny isn't as much on board as you are. She still hasn't gotten over the fact I got pregnant in the first place, and she was even more upset to find out I didn't want to keep it."

I'd been aware of Sabrina's living arrangements for a long time. She had run away from her father's home as a teenager due to abuse and the state gave her grandmother full custody. Now that the older woman was having difficulties getting around, Sabrina was helping take care of her. I'd met her once and our only interaction had been when she had asked me if I owned a hairbrush. She was a cute little old woman, but she had a tongue on her. Sabrina had told me once that her granny cussed like a marine and I believed it!

"Sabrina, you're twenty-six years old. Aren't you ready to have a life? Aren't you interested in having a family, a husband, and a home of your own?"

When my friend gazed at me, I noticed that although her features were solemn, she didn't appear sad. She was confident in her decision. I knew that she liked to party and enjoy the freedom that came with her current situation. Other than her granny and the school administration, she didn't answer to anyone.

"Not really," she told me with a smirk. "I understand you don't feel the same but I'm not like you."

"I know that," I concurred. "I never expected you to be. I think that's why I like you so much. I get to watch you live a life I would never be comfortable with. You're a fascinating study."

"So, I'm a social science experiment? I can live with that! Seriously, Ami," she continued, her smile disappearing completely. "I don't think many people around here get me and that includes Ben."

"Ben doesn't have a problem with you," I informed her, although he didn't care for how much she drank. Still, to this day, he patrolled the parking lots of the bars to make sure Sabrina was taking care of her baby properly. "He worries about you. That's all."

"I think he should worry about you instead," she countered. "You haven't touched that yogurt. I thought it was your favorite."

"It used to be." I glared at the now-offensive brand. I wasn't even sure why I'd bought it! "I think I might be suffering from a digestive disorder or maybe I've picked up a bug at school."

"Maybe it's another kind of problem," she suggested, leaning forward with her brows raised.

I didn't get her meaning and gazed at her in confusion.

"Oh, come on! You and Ben have been going at it for what – three months? Sooner or later the odds were bound to catch up with you."

No. It couldn't be! We used protection! Always!

I opened my mouth to deny it but nothing came out. My mind was awhirl as I counted the days backward to the last time I'd had my cycle and compared it to the times Ben and I had slept together. Somewhere along the way, I'd lost track. My cycle had never been regular, even while on birth control.

"When was the last time you saw your doctor?"

The possibility looming before me was like an oncoming train, with my car sitting dead on the tracks.

"The last time I was in the city," I informed her with growing alarm. "Four months ago."

"Ah," she said with confidence but lack of emotion. "You and I may be paddling up the same river. You're just not aware of it yet."