So this story won't be completely canon. Some canon things will happen and others won't and things might be out of order or changed. Eventually, it kinda goes completely canon divergent. There will be some AU elements in the story such as Tara not dying and Xander and Anya staying together (and not getting married lol). Sue me lmao.
This story is finished. There's 75 chapters and I wanted to make sure the story was complete before I started to upload it. I'll be uploading a chapter a day, starting with 5 chapters today because I want to get it out there. It also happens to be my birthday today lmao. I wasn't intending on starting to post this on my birthday but it just happened I was finished with it today.
Also, the chapter lengths aren't super consistent, some are shorter than others, some are huge. I free-wrote this entire story so this is just what came out of me. I also have no beta so despite numerous spell checks, there might be some mistakes :')
Without further ado, my first Spike fanfic! loooool
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"Dawn, no," Katherine huffed. It felt like the millionth time and honestly, she was getting worn down. That was how this always went. The teen girl knew how to push the right buttons, to wear down her older cousin until she caved. It always ended the same way no matter what it was she was after.
"Come on! It'll be fun. There's gonna be music and cake. Cake, Kat!" Dawn pouted, stopping on the sidewalk as she turned her puppy eyes onto Kat. A long drawn-out groan left Kat's lips as she knew she wasn't going to win this one. It didn't mean she wasn't going to put up a fight though.
"Look, Dawnie. You know I'm not one for parties. It's just… not my scene, okay?" Kat tried to plead with her even though they both knew damn well it was on deaf ears.
"Spike's gonna be there," the young teen's sing-song voice made Kat's blue eyes narrow to slits before she rolled them, huffing a breath before continuing to walk down the sidewalk.
"Wow! Spike? Then I really need to go!" Kat grinned sarcastically before leveling a look at her cousin. Dawn gave her a deadpan look and rolled her eyes. They'd danced this dance many times before and Kat still had no idea why the young girl was so convinced they liked each other.
"Deny it all you want. Even I can feel the tension between you both," Dawn huffed, crossing her arms over her chest as the pair walked leisurely to the Magic Box.
"Yeah, tension of us both wanting to rip each other's throats out," Kat snorted. She tucked some of her bright red-dyed hair behind her ear as she glanced at her cousin.
"I don't buy it. It's like at school. When a guy likes a girl, he teases her, pulls her hair and stuff because he likes her. And then the girl acts a little mean and denies it but that means they're totally into each other," Dawn babbled. Of course, young teen logic.
"Spike hasn't pulled my hair, Dawn. He's tried to kill me. Numerous times," Kat stated dryly.
"Oh please. If he wanted you dead, he could have done it a billion and one times already. You survived each time because he wanted you to," Dawn theorized. Kat almost burst out laughing at her. She wondered if she was desperate to hold onto something romantic given Riley's departure hadn't sat well with her and Buffy had taken it hard.
One thing Dawn was right about though was the fact that Kat did survive her encounters with the vamp before he got that chip that left him as useless as a declawed cat. She always put it down to sheer luck or maybe the bleached undead pest just wanted to draw out her torture by keeping her alive and worming his way into their friend group slightly. It certainly felt like torture.
"Well, well... Aren't you a pretty little thing…"
Those were the first words the menace had ever said to her. Just after he'd watched Buffy beat the holy hell out of a vampire and he finally made himself known. She still remembered the slow clap he did as he emerged from the darkness. Spike could say Angel was the dramatic one all he wanted, but it was clear his grandsire had passed more than the monster genes down the sireline. But when he uttered those words, he'd given her a devilish smirk and a once over that made her turn redder than a tomato. Okay, maybe he was good-looking. So what? It didn't mean anything after everything he'd done and back then she had been more innocent. She would have blushed if Xander looked at her that way and that's saying something.
Then there was the incident at the parent-teacher school thing. Joyce was her guardian, Kat living with the Summers since she was 14 after her parents both died in a car accident. She'd been there when Spike and his merry band of assholes turned up and tried to kill everyone. Including her cousin. That was her second encounter with the peroxide vamp and he'd cornered her all alone. Told her he'd love to turn her and watch Buffy's face as she was forced to stake her. For some reason, he let her go and she could only assume it was because getting rid of Buffy was up far higher on his list of things he needed to kill. There had been plenty of times he'd tried to kill her up until he had that chip shoved in his brain. She wished they'd have just dusted him instead. Since then, he'd lent a hand to the Scoobies and as much as he was a thorn in Kat's side, he was useful. Dawn was the only one who really wanted him around and weirdly enough he seemed to get on fine with the witches. Buffy tolerated him at best and Xander hated him. Anya was neutral and couldn't care less, but honestly, Kat felt like she felt that way about everyone but Xander. And then of course Giles hated him. With her, Spike seemed to love pushing her buttons to make her mad and she had no idea what she did to deserve his attention so laser-focused. She loved Buffy with every fiber of her being but sometimes she wished his attention was on her. Selfish? Fuck yeah, but seriously, some days she had half a mind to stake him herself.
Now he turned up at Scooby meetings and just seemed to be there anything Scooby related. She couldn't escape him at all it seemed. The only redeeming quality of the vamp of her nightmares was that Joyce actually seemed to like him and it seemed to upset him when she died. Losing another parent figure in her life had devastated her completely and she rarely left her room for a while after. She hadn't been able to really be there for Buffy or Dawn as she drowned in her own grief and it was something she felt deep guilt about. Luckily for her, he never brought up Joyce in their arguments to throw it in her face. Never made a comment on how weak she was just to upset her. Never called her out on how pathetic she was that she hadn't even been there for her family when they needed her most. But that was the only point on his pro list, whereas his con list could fill journals. He might not be able to hurt humans now but it didn't mean he was trustworthy and didn't mean he was good. He was just a nuisance. And now Dawn wanted her to attend a party to celebrate her growing up and finishing another year in school. Kat loved Dawn more than anyone, with every fiber of her being. She should want to be there to celebrate with her family, her blood. So it only angered her further at how Spike made her not want to attend. Dawn may have been this elusive key that bitch Glory was after but it didn't matter one bit to Kat. Dawn was her family. Her cousin, sister even really. Nothing would ever change that, even if she had to tolerate Spike. Besides, the party was at their house so she'd only be hiding out in her room as the alternative. Either way was shitty.
"Fine, I'll go. But I can't promise he won't be a pile of dust before the night's up," Kat sighed as the guilt of her memories burrowed deep into her chest. Dawn beamed a smile at her that only furthered her shitty feelings and she sank into the hug the younger girl threw her way. She really had no idea why Dawn wasn't upset with her for not being there for her when her mom died. Why no one was upset at her for just locking herself away until most of the grief had lessened. She had been selfish and she knew that. Joyce may not have been her mother but she had been her stand-in mom for years and after losing her parents when she did, it had crippled her. She wanted them to be mad or upset. To shout at her at least. She felt like she needed to atone for her sins but they'd never seen anything needing to forgive anyway. It left her feeling all sorts of wrong but she pushed it down and tried to hide it. The only time she unleashed the anger was to direct it at the vamp pest instead of herself and she had no doubt that at the party in two days would be no different.
"I love you," Dawn grinned, lacing her hand with Kat's as she dragged her more eagerly to the Magic Box.
"I love you too. I hope you know I'm doing this for you," Kat huffed with a wry smile.
"Yeah… sure. And Spike," Dawn smiled cheekily at her.
"I revoke that I love you," Kat groaned. She wanted her to drop it.
"Come on, you have to admit he's attractive," Dawn protested. Kat grimaced and shook her head. She wasn't surprised Dawn harbored a small crush on the vamp. She also had one for Xander. She was sure the girl had a different crush each week honestly.
"He is. It doesn't change the fact that he's a vampire, Dawnie," Kat sighed.
"So? He still helps us. He's changed now. And Angel's a vampire," Dawn retorted with a quirked brow.
"He helps us because he's been chipped and has no one else, and Angel was an asshole," Kat snorted.
She'd always had mixed feelings about Angel. She was protective of Buffy even if the girl was the Slayer. She couldn't help it. Angel was always brooding and annoying but he'd been nice to her so she left it. But once Angelus came out to play it changed her view on him. He might be all souled up again but she didn't think she'd ever look at him the same way again. He was more terrifying than Spike and that was saying something. He wasn't good for Buffy at all so Kat hadn't taken to him.
"He wasn't always an asshole," Dawn frowned thoughtfully.
"Maybe, but that doesn't matter. I'm not Buffy. I prefer my men with beating hearts and of the living, breathing variety," Kat said as she nudged Dawn's shoulder playfully. She really wished Dawn would let this fantasy go. She had no idea what on earth inspired the girl to think she and Spike were into each other. It was ridiculous.
When they finally got to the Magic Box, Kat's eyes glanced around. Buffy and Giles were sitting at the table surrounded by books as they spoke quietly. The whole thing with Glory really needed to get sorted with Dawn on the line and Kat tried to swallow her anxiety about it all. She was one of those people who would rather bury her problems. Pretend they didn't exist until it all exploded and she had no choice but to face them. Anya was at the counter chatting to Xander, and Willow and Tara were huddled in a corner reading and talking among themselves.
"Alright, sit down and do your homework. You'll get donuts if you're good," Kat smirked. Dawn pouted, not happy about the homework but placated a little by the prospect of donuts.
"I thought you were the cool one," she grumbled innocently, her eyes twinkling as she watched Kats's face scrunch up. The notion she wasn't the cool one ruffled her feathers and she huffed.
"I am. And I'm not telling you that the answers to that homework are online. And I'm not telling you that my laptop is under the counter. And you should definitely not use it to look up those answers so readily available," Kat smirked carefully. Dawn's face brightened and she threw her arms around her older cousin, squeezing her.
"I love you!" she giggled. Kat snorted and watched as she trotted off to fetch said laptop and then plonked herself at the table at an angle where her older sister and the watcher couldn't see what she was doing.
Was it right what she did? Not really. But after everything with the whole key thing and how bad it had affected her, she found herself even more lenient. Not that she'd ever been the best role model. Kat herself skipped school more than not and never applied to college. She worked here at the Magic Box instead. It had really rubbed her the wrong way when she found out Spike had been the one to go with Dawn the day she found out what she was from Giles' journals. She was torn in all honesty. Because she didn't know if that was better than the alternative to her being alone out there with all the things that went bump in the night. But she couldn't forget that Spike was one of those things and even though he hadn't hurt her, she had found out something devastating and hurt herself instead. It was much easier to blame the asshole for it all than to blame herself and the others for not telling Dawn when they should have. She knew it was misplaced but it was easier than dealing with it. Once again it was easier to ignore her problems. Pretend they don't exist or to blame someone else to focus her anger on. She had enough anger directed at herself, she didn't think it was possible for any more.
She got to work by stocking up shelves since Anya was the one in charge of money. Kat knew better than to get in the way of the ex-vengeance demon and her precious money so she tended to stick to sorting the stock instead. She'd been there for less than an hour when she went into the basement of the store to grab some more jars of weird things. Things she didn't want to read the label of because it made her shudder and feel skeevy. Magic wasn't her thing. Sure it was cool and all but it went wrong far too easily and the ingredients always tended to be on the weird side. Why it couldn't call for a pinch of a few normal herbs, she didn't know. It was silent in the basement as she got down there. The cool surrounding her with the odd drip as some water from god knows where dripped to the dank floor. She didn't feel uneasy as she grabbed a few jars. That was until she felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle up. She was used to this sensation though because for some reason, she only reacted like this in one person's presence. And where it used to scare the ever-loving shit out of her, he was harmless now mostly and that gave her a modicum of comfort.
"Trying to sneak up on me, Spike?" she asked, sounding bored. Not even turning to glance at him although she knew he was there lurking in the dimly lit basement. It was attached to the sewers after all. She was hardly surprised he'd show his face now he fancied himself one of them. He wasn't. Not in the least. She heard his exasperated sigh and her lips curled in a smirk he wouldn't be able to see with her back to him. He was always trying to sneak up on her and hated that he couldn't do it. She never bothered to tell him her body seemed to react in his presence and only his. She didn't want to think about it. It wasn't like she reacted that way to all demons or vampires. Just him. Always him. But that was something best shoved in a box and buried ten feet in her brain where no one would ever find it and she didn't have to look at it ever again.
"Wasn't sneakin'. Just come for the meeting," he huffed. She turned to face him then with a roll of her eyes.
"What meeting?" she asked as she bat her lashes all innocent-like. It wasn't the first time she played dumb in order to try and get him to leave. He'd bought into it once and never again. She'd been more than pleased with herself the next day when he'd turned up and Buffy had ripped him a new asshole for 'not caring enough' for being there the day before. If looks could have killed she'd have died that day with the look he'd given her. And maybe it wasn't the nicest thing for her to do. Nor was it when she lied her ass off to everyone, claiming she never told him such a thing. Knowing they would believe her and not the chipped vamp. That had pissed him off more. She'd discredited him. Made him look like a liar. That he hadn't cared enough about coming to the meetings. But he was evil. Yeah, he wasn't able to hurt people now but it didn't mean his dead heart wasn't still evil and corrupt. If he got that chip out, he'd go back to killing in a heartbeat and she had a very large feeling she would be first on that list now. No longer Buffy. Kat had pissed him off enough to be promoted on his list.
He tried to act like he was there to help, although he'd still remind them all he was evil but the others wouldn't take him too seriously now he was chipped. No longer a real threat. But Kat knew better. He was evil and she didn't put it past him to spend most of his free time away from them finding a way to get the damn chip out. So she never let her guard down, thinking he was harmless completely. She was more at ease with him, pushed his buttons more now but she couldn't help it. Hell, she'd done that before he even got chipped. But she just didn't let her defenses around him crumble completely. She knew better.
"Nice try, Kitten. But Buffy got the witches to invite me. I know it hurts your bleedin' heart that I'm part o' the club. But here I am," he smirked wickedly at her. She knew it had been a long shot anyway since the first time she'd done it. He wasn't stupid by any means.
"That's Katherine to you and you're definitely not part of the club. You're like a goddamn groupie that doesn't know when to quit," she scowled at him as she turned her back once again, grabbing some more jars. She didn't like the uneasy feeling when she had her back to him. He could strike her easy like this but she knew he couldn't. It was that middle ground of still being wary and not trusting him at all yet knowing right in this moment he couldn't actually hurt her, even though she knew he wanted to. But she enjoyed the fact he hated it. Hated not being taken seriously anymore. It wasn't like the group trusted him. They didn't and they didn't like him after all he'd done. But they didn't take him seriously as the big bad anymore. Even less so since he started helping them out since the only thing he could fight were his own kind and demons. Kat was the only one to still take him seriously but she didn't want to give him that satisfaction since that's what he wanted. So instead she acted like the rest of them. Like he was a harmless little puppy. She knew he loathed it. She hated the second she jumped when his strong arms caged her in, his hands on the shelves either side in front of her, trapping her back to his front.
"You know what a groupie does, Kitten?" he purred in her ear, making her shiver as it tickled her. He slowly dragged out the last word just to irk her at her wanting him to use her full name. He didn't get the privilege to even call her Kat, let alone the nicknames. He'd always been one for nicknames. Everyone seemed to have one from him. But hers, back in the days of before the chip, had been 'pretty girl'. She'd hated it then. The way he'd smirk leeringly at her as he said it with his wandering eyes. The mischievous glint and the deep chuckle that would reverberate deep in her bones when she blushed. She hated that she blushed but she hated any attention on her and his was always too much. It felt like he saw right through to her very being with those stupid blue eyes and she hated it. But 'pretty girl' was better than the new ones he had for her. Since he'd integrated into her life more he'd come up with more for her. Kitty, Kitty Kat, KitKat and Kitten. Kitten was his favorite, she noticed and he always said it with that deep rich undertone that made her feel weird and she hated that she had any reaction to him at all. Hated that if he wasn't this souless evil monster, she would be wanting him to take her home and do all the bad things to her because fuck it all, he was beautiful. And his accent had a way of making anything sound dirty and he was always heavy on innuendos. But he was a monster and she wouldn't let herself or him forget it. 'Pretty girl' had been horrible to endure but it was impersonal. It felt like there was a distance between them and it was something she missed. Now she was stuck with the familiarity of the new nicknames like he knew her. Like they were somehow friends in a weird way and she didn't want any of it. Didn't want his stupid body so close to hers trapping her in like she was his prey. Didn't want his stupid silky British voice in her ear. Didn't want the blush rising to her cheeks or her rapidly beating heart that she knew he could hear when he chuckled, sounding all too pleased with himself.
She pointedly ignored him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of an answer. Ignoring that he was right there almost touching her. Right in her personal space. She just continued to grab another jar as if her heart wasn't going a mile a minute and she wasn't getting lightheaded.
"Fancy me one of your groupies, do you?" he smirked in her ear, still trying to get her to rise to the bait. And the suggestive tone to his voice made her give in to him because her self-control was nonexistent when it came to the asshole and she would always rise to the bait when he dangled it in front of her.
"Not really," she snapped, shoving the jars back onto the shelf before she turned. She knew it was a mistake given the fact she was still caged in. Now they were face to face and he was leaning down ever so slightly to see her better. All imposing and tall and boxing her in, that cocky smirk right on his face.
"I think Giles is more your type," she said sweetly. A saccharine smile that wasn't at all real.
He looked aghast. Completely appalled by her words but it had the desired effect as he shot up and stepped back, letting her breathe again. He looked like she'd just told him the worst news ever and a snort worked its way out of her. She felt somewhat pleased at his reaction. That she had irked him so much.
"Giles?! Bloody Giles?!" he yelled, his voice hitching up a few pitches.
"I think you're protesting too much," she grinned cheekily as she grabbed the jar she needed and turned her back, about to leave and go up the stairs.
"Hang on a bloody minute, KitKat!" It seemed like it happened in slow motion. One minute her back was to him as she was walking to the stairs. The next his vamp speed had him right behind her as his vice-like grip clutched her wrist. It was so tight that it felt like the bone was about to snap, aching fiercely at the pressure and she yelped at the same time he cried out. The jar in her other hand fell to the floor and shattered. Gross liquid and eyes of God knows what rolling around the floor.
She clutched her wrist to her chest, eyes whipping to the vamp on his knees as he rubbed his head with a pained groan. When he glanced up at her she wondered if she was delirious from the pain he had inflicted on her when she thought she saw remorse flash behind his blue eyes. But it was gone in an instant as his face hardened.
"What on earth is going on in here?" Giles asked, slightly out of breath from running down the stairs. His eyes darted from the young girl cradling her sore arm, the kneeling vampire rubbing his head and the broken jar and contents all over the floor.
'Spike attacked me'. That's what she wanted to say. It was right on the tip of her tongue. And that had been what happened. He'd hurt her and the chip in his head had hurt him right back. Except that wasn't really what happened. Despite her deep loathing for him and knowing what he was capable of, she for some reason just felt in her bones that he hadn't hurt her on purpose. That he'd been so appalled by her accusation that he was attracted to the watcher now stood with them that he'd reacted without a thought. Grabbing her to halt her leaving so he could protest more and argue. Forgetting somehow he was a vampire and she was nothing but a human. A dainty one at that. She didn't know why she was giving him this benefit of the doubt. She was the head of the 'I hate Spike' club along with Xander, yet for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to tell Giles he had attacked her. He hadn't meant to and it had been her own fault for teasing him. That's what happened when you poked a bear, wasn't it? You got bit. Well in this case she was grateful he hadn't bit her. Only hurt her arm but it wasn't even broken. It was tender and it would bruise but it wasn't a serious injury. Just enough to hurt and startle her and get himself a lovely shock to the head himself.
"I uh... he startled me and I threw the jar at him," Kat said softly. She couldn't look at Giles when she lied to him. It wasn't that she was a bad liar but this felt weird. Different and she didn't want to look at him. She knew he wasn't stupid and she purposely let her sore arm fall back to her side so it didn't look like it was hurting. Grateful for her long sleeve to cover the bruise she knew would be forming. There was a tense moment of silence. Spike looked at her weirdly from the floor at her lie and Giles just looked between them.
"Very well. Next time, could you throw something of less value though? These are quite rare," Giles sighed disapprovingly. If she wasn't so rattled she would have snorted at the fact Giles hadn't chided her at all for attacking the vamp. All he was worried about was the product. She knew Spike would have a witty retort for that, yet he stayed silent as he stood and brushed his duster off. His lips pursed slightly.
"Can they still be used? If I pick them up?" she asked sheepishly. The thought of touching the icky eyes made her skin crawl and even though it wasn't her fault the damn jar broke, she still felt bad. Giles was like a father to her and she knew just how hard some of these items were to procure. She ordered most of them herself.
"Y-yes. They should still be okay. You know where the spare jars are," Giles muttered softly. His eyes darted between the silent pair once more as if deciding whether or not to leave them both together after that. He must have bought her lie though as he wandered back up the stairs.
She blew out a deep breath and shook her head, glaring at the many beady eyes scattered along the floor. She had no idea what the juice was in the jar with them but she'd just fill a new jar with water for them for now. She tried to ignore how her stomach churned and pointedly didn't look at Spike who was still staring at her. She grabbed a jar, going over to the shitty little sink in the wall and filled it three-quarters full.
"Why?" Spike's voice cut through the silence like a jagged knife and she didn't need him to elaborate on his one-word question. She really hoped he wouldn't ask because trying to explain herself might be seen as her trying to be nice. And not only did she never want him to think she would be nice to him, she knew he didn't want that from her anyway. He'd either get mad or make fun of her. And right now, with her sore wrist and her muddled head, she was asking herself the same question he had. Because she had no idea. She could have just told Giles the truth. There was nothing wrong with the truth of what happened but she knew it would make him look bad. Knew that after all he had done, he was walking a fine line here, and it wouldn't take much for the group to stake him. And it wouldn't be like he could defend himself with that chip. For all her talk and thoughts about wanting him in a pile of dust, it seemed she didn't want that on her conscience. She was pathetic.
So instead of answering a question that only posed more questions than answers to her, she kept her mouth shut which was uncharacteristic of her really. She never kept her mouth shut about anything, especially when it involved Captain Peroxide. She didn't look at him as she knelt down, scrunching her face up as she set the jar on the floor and tried to mentally will herself to grow a pair and scoop up the eyeballs. Spike suddenly crouched next to her and her eyes snapped to him but he wasn't looking at her. He snatched the jar from the floor and shoved it in her hand.
"Hold that," he demanded gruffly. She was about to open her mouth to snap at him for his snippy tone. Especially after they both knew she'd lied to the watcher, her father figure, for the vampire she hated. But her mouth shut rapidly again when he easily used two hands to scoop up the eyes and drop them in the jar. She looked away, feeling queasy, keeping silent as he got the rest and popped them into the new jar. She only looked back when she felt the jar being carefully plucked from her hand and Spike stood back up.
It was awkward now. It had never been awkward between them. Between their fights and insults, there was never time for awkwardness. Not even when Spike made inappropriate comments to her and it made her flushed and annoyed. But now it was weird because she had helped him and then he helped her. She didn't want to thank him, it was all his fault in the first place and she did enough by lying to Giles. Yet it felt weird as they both stood there and glanced at each other for a moment. She decided this was much too amicable for the pair. She didn't like this. Not one little bit. She turned her back and walked up the stairs quicker than needed, knowing he would follow at some point for the meeting.
She made a beeline to sit next to Dawn as she approached the table and the others gathered around it. Still stuck in her own head. She had no idea what was going on with her. Movement from the corner of her eyes made her glance up as Spike waltzed in without a care in the world. He didn't sit at the table. Rarely ever did. Instead, he stood leaning against the bookcases and when his eyes met hers, she looked away quickly. On what planet did she ever do something nice for him or him for her? This wasn't normal. Maybe it was a Hellmouth thing. Or maybe this was an end-of-the-world thing. She really hoped so because otherwise, she had no idea what the fuck was going on.