Disclaimer - I do not own any of the characters of InuYasha. However, I do hope to soon own my very own Inu doll : ) YIPPEE!
Author's Notes - Thanks go out to all of you for the kind words of understanding over the delay. So, to all of you, here it is . . . the next chapter in Starlight and Shadows, extra long. Plenty of fluff in this one, so be sure to grab something to wash the sugar from your teeth. Due to many requests and questions, this one is mostly centered on Sango and Miroku at first . . . as well as tying up some loose ends before the final chapters. Hope you all enjoy : )
Chapter 17 - What Lies Beneath the Surface
Sango lay underneath the Goshinboku tree, staring up into the night sky silently, Kirara purring lightly on her lap. It had been a rough couple of months for everyone in the group . . . but things seemed to be working out for the better, none the less. She sighed, shifting to run her hand absently over the boomerang at her side.
"Miroku . . ." she murmured, her voice whispering quietly in the still night air. She wondered again where he had disappeared to . . . all he had said was that he needed to go purify himself. She knew, somehow, that it was more than that though . . . something was troubling the houshi, and she was sorely curious as to what it was. Since professing their love for each other by the stream that day, they had rarely been far apart. Admittedly, he hadn't slowed down a bit in his more lecherous pursuits, but at least she was the only woman he directed them to. An ache in her heart and her stomach told her exactly what was on her mind . . . being so close to him, but not being able to do anything more than kiss was starting to wear them down emotionally and physically.
She understood his position, and had even agreed with him . . . until now. After seeing Kagome and InuYasha together - and how blissfully happy they were - she wanted the same . . . and she wanted that with Miroku. But the houshi refused to take that next step . . . he did not want to end up leaving her with more of a burden than she already carried.
So, here she was, trying to think of some way to make it clear to him that she didn't care about any of that anymore . . . she just wanted to be with him, in every way a woman and a man could be. To hell with if she ended up carrying his child before they defeated Naraku . . . if she even lived through killing Naraku. There were no guaranties for any of them there - not for InuYasha and Kagome, not for her, not for Miroku . . . not even for Sesshoumaru.
"I don't want to die . . . never having experienced physical love," she murmured to Kirara, who merely raised her head and purred more loudly. She understood her mistress' pain . . . she herself had never taken a mate so that she could be by her beloved human's side always, but that had been her choice. But Sango was human, and female . . . and her love for Miroku was very obvious. She wished suddenly that she could speak, so she could advise her mistress . . . but that ability was denied her. So she settled on purring, and being as close to a comfort as she could.
"I . . . oh, Kirara, what should I do? I do not want him to think me too forward . . . but I want this, I want to be with him like that . . . at least once. Why can't he understand that even if one of us dies, or we fail to defeat Naraku . . . I want to have that memory to cherish forever in my heart? I want . . . I want to be married to him, now - not wait until after we face Naraku." She sighed again, the sound lonely in the silence of the night time forest.
"Sango?" Sango raised her head to look in the direction of Kagome's voice, her eyes brightening slightly as her adopted sister came into view. Kagome hesitated momentarily before crossing to kneel in front of the older girl, her bright eyes shadowed with concern. "Are you okay?"
"Kagome," Sango whispered, before finally sagging back against the tree trunk with a mournful breath of air. "No . . . I guess I'm not," she replied finally, her voice a mere whisper of air. Surprisingly, Kagome still heard her.
"Oh Sango . . . it's Miroku, isn't it? I thought you two were so happy together . . . what did that lech do now?" Sango hurried to correct her.
"No, no . . . Kagome, he didn't do anything . . . and that's the problem." Meeting Kagome's concerned gaze, she smiled softly. "It's been wonderful . . . but now I'm finding that I want more. But . . . we still have to face Naraku . . . any of us could die, or we could fail to kill him. Then where would we be? I thought I could understand that . . . even agree with it . . . but now, I just . . ." Her voice trailed off into silence. Kagome nodded, sitting back with a small, sad smile on her face.
"You want to just go through with it, and to hell with what may happen, don't you? Oh Sango, I understand so completely. All this time that I've been here, I was resigned to the fact that InuYasha would go to hell with Kikyo when this was all over, but I loved him anyway, wanting everything I could possibly get before I lost him. And now look at where we are . . . mated, finally . . . and I know he loves me now, and always has. It all came out for the best . . . and I think you and Miroku will be the same way. Tell him Sango . . . tell him how you feel and why. I'm sure he feels it just as much as you do . . . actually, knowing Miroku, he's probably in worse condition." Both girls giggled a little at that thought, before Sango sat back with a small smile of thanks.
"You know, Kagome . . . I think you are right. Thank you . . . little sister." Kagome grinned and punched her lightly on the arm.
"Hell, Sango . . . what kind of sister would I be if I didn't help you land the man of your dreams?" Sango snorted at that.
"He's hardly a dream man . . . but I don't care, I love him just the same." Standing slowly, the two girls made their way back to the village, chatting happily back and forth the whole way.
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Sango approached Miroku's hut later that evening with a great amount of trepidation. She wore her best kimono . . . and for once, did not wear her exterminator suit underneath. Outwardly, she was calm and collected . . . the very picture of the exterminator she had been brought up to be. On the inside, however, she was nervous as hell. She'd never had the chance to be 'just a woman' . . . she'd always been an exterminator. Her mother had died when she was very young . . . her father had been the one to raise her.
Hesitantly, she raised her fist to knock on the wall of Miroku's hut, and nearly stumbled back in surprise when the houshi stepped out before she could do so.
"Sango? Is something wrong?" he asked, concerned to find her standing on his doorstep.
"Uh . . . no. I . . . just wanted to talk to you. But, if you were busy . . ." she murmured, her cheeks stained red.
"Oh, no . . . I was just going to go for a walk. Please, come in." He stepped back into the hut, motioning for her to come inside. Sango stepped inside hesitantly, her nerves suddenly overwhelming, her stomach felt like it was in knots. She knelt beside the fire pit, across from Miroku, staring at her hands as they twisted together in her lap. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Miroku's hand suddenly covered them, hiding them from her sight and ceasing their nervous movement.
"Sango, what is wrong? You seem . . . unlike yourself," Miroku murmured. Sango raised her head slowly to look at him, taking in the concerned expression before sighing.
'As Kagome says . . . here goes nothing,' she thought to herself wryly.
"Miroku . . ." she began, and then paused, her nervousness suddenly catching up to her. Listening to Kagome's voice in her mind, she started again. "Miroku . . . I love you. You say you love me. I want . . ." Her tongue froze as she was about to say 'I want to be with you.' He would think her too forward, she just knew it. She wasn't like Kagome, she was brought up to believe that women should be docile around the man they wished to marry, not forward and demanding. She stood suddenly, overwhelmed. 'I can't . . . I just can't!' she thought. Spinning away from Miroku, she moved to leave the hut, only to trip as she moved too fast.
Sango found herself caught in a pair of strong arms, staring up into the startled eyes of Miroku, who had somehow managed to move fast enough to save her from a painful and humiliating fall. A look of intensity crossed his features as he returned her stare, before his lips brushed her in a gentle but firm kiss.
Sighing, Sango wrapped her arms around his neck, cupping the back of his head in one delicate hand, holding him to her as the kiss lengthened and deepened. Abruptly, Miroku pulled away with a gasp.
"No . . .I . . . we can't . . ." he breathed, taking deep breaths in an attempt to get himself back under control. From that kiss, Sango suddenly found the nerve she needed.
"Why not? Miroku . . . I know we both agreed that it would be best if we waited to see how the fight with Naraku ended . . . but I no longer care. I want . . . Just once, I want to know what it is like to be loved . . . physically as well as emotionally. Even if anything should happen . . . at least we will have that memory to hold within our hearts. Please . . ." she whispered finally, her eyes pleading. "Please . . . let me become a woman with you."
Miroku groaned at this, his eyes closing as if he was in pain.
"Sango . . . I don't want to leave you with . . ."
"With what? With the only possible connection I could have to you? You're willing to ask every beautiful woman you come across to bear your child . . . but you can't do that with me! Why!? What's wrong with me?" She pulled out of his arms, standing out of his reach, radiating anger, confusion, and hurt. She realized that she was shouting, that the entire village could probably hear them, but she no longer cared. Why couldn't this stupid baka get it through his stubborn, perverted head that she didn't care any more?! Her anger and hurt only flared brighter when he did not respond, merely staring at her with wounded eyes. "Gods damn you . . . I thought you loved me," she whispered finally, before turning to leave.
She gasped as she found herself suddenly spun back around and pressed into a rock hard chest. She had just enough time to look up into Miroku's eyes . . . before the breath left her as a searing kiss drove all thought from her brain. The kiss was unlike any other her and the houshi had shared . . . the others had been gentle, showering her with care and adoration as if she were a goddess to be worshiped. This . . . this was blatant sexuality, demanding and burning with passion as he ravaged her mouth.
"Don't you ever . . . doubt for a moment . . . that I love you," he growled, sounding very much like InuYasha at that moment. "I love you so much it hurts . . . it's been hurting since you told me that you loved me too. Sango . . . gods, do you know how much it's taken for me to control myself!? I just . . . I don't want to end up adding to that list of burdens that you carry . . ." Sango silenced him with a gentle kiss before pulling back to answer him.
"I would rather carry the burden of having lost you by tempering it with the knowledge that we had been together . . . as a man and a woman . . . then by mourning the loss of what we never had and never could have. Please, Miroku . . . please," she murmured. He sighed, and hugged her to him before pulling her back into a burning kiss, his hand releasing her hair so that he could thread his fingers through the black silkiness of it.
Across from the hut, InuYasha finally allowed his ears to come up from where they were flattened to his skull in an attempt to shield them from Sango's rather angry outburst. Kagome merely grinned at him before turning to enter their own hut. He followed slowly, inwardly glad that his two companions had finally come around to the right way of thinking.
Kagome cornered him as he entered the hut, surprising him by actually tackling him from behind. He grunted and spun to shield her from the fall, looking up at her curiously from the flat of his back as she grinned down at him.
"What was that for, woman?" he growled, before it dawned on him. Kagome should not have been able to knock him down . . . at all. "Kagome . . ." he began suspiciously, as she began to giggle slightly.
"I noticed it the other day . . . I've gotten stronger somehow. I think it's due to the blood bond . . . but I can't be sure. I just wanted to try it out on you." She sat back with a last giggle, before a rather malicious grin spread across her face. InuYasha began to attempt to inch his way out from under her when he spied that grin . . . Kagome grinning like that did not usually bode well for his well being. His suspicions were confirmed when her finger suddenly found his ribs, and began to tickle.
Kagome began to laugh outright as a most unmanly squeak issued forth from the hanyou as he began squirming to avoid her wriggling and wiggling fingers. Soon she had him gasping helplessly as he attempted to curl into a ball to protect his ribs, which in turn simply left other areas open to her attack. So immersed in this amusement was she that she never noticed Sesshoumaru step into the hut behind them until he coughed slightly.
She flushed as she clambered up off her mate, who was attempting to piece together as much of his dignity as he could in the face of such an . . . unfortunate guest. He growled as he stood, straightening his yukata with a rather suffering air before turning to his brother, who was attempting, of all things, to hide a smirk of amusement.
"Yes, oh brother of mine?" InuYasha growled, his arms crossed over his chest in a vain attempt at portraying manly solidity. Sesshoumaru coughed again, shooting a golden eyed glance towards Kagome, who was standing not far away, rolling her eyes at her mate. Schooling his face into as serious an expression as he could muster at the circumstances, he looked back towards his hanyou brother.
"I have been thinking about Naraku . . . the longer we allow him to brood, the better the plan he will come up with. We should move on him soon." InuYasha began to bristle at this . . . it sounded very much as if his brother was trying to take control of his 'pack'. Kagome moved up beside him, once again serious as she lay a gentle hand on InuYasha's arm, sending him a wave of calm through the mental link they had developed.
"We've been talking about that as well, Sesshoumaru. We wanted to make sure every one was at full abilities and InuYasha was no where near his moon night when we went to seek Naraku out. That's why we've waited so long . . . the New Moon is two days from now. After that, we'll be on the road and tracking that bastard down." Sesshoumaru nodded thoughtfully, eyeing InuYasha with something akin to respect.
"That is a good plan . . . I am surprised at you brother. No offence meant, but I had not thought you to be so well in control of you hot headedness." InuYasha growled, but replied softly.
"Amazing what such a wonderful mate as Kagome can do to you," he said, earning an approving nod from his brother and a loving hug from Kagome. "She's forced me to think before I act a lot more than I used to."
"What do you intend to do with the fox kit?" Sesshoumaru asked quietly, fully aware that the object of his query was asleep in the next room.
"He's staying here," Kagome said firmly, before InuYasha could reply. Both brother's looked at her in abject surprise. "He's too young, and I need to be able to fully concentrate on the battle. It will be bad enough worrying about all my friends who are perfectly capable of handling themselves . . . as well as my mate . . . I don't need to be worrying about my adopted son as well." InuYasha sighed and pulled her into his embrace, hugging her to him in mute wonder. He'd been afraid he'd have to fight with her to get her to leave the kit behind . . . he was glad that she had already planned to do it without him having to say a word. That made his life a hell of a lot easier.
Sesshoumaru was surprised as well. Any time he had seen Kagome, the fox kit had been very close by, so much so that they seemed inseparable. The fact that Kagome was willingly going to leave the kit behind was definitely new. He came out of his thoughts as Kagome spoke again.
"Actually . . . I had a thought about that, Inu. I was thinking . . . that we could take Shippo - and Rin, if Sesshoumaru agrees - to my house through the well. My mother wouldn't mind, I'm sure . . . and you know my brother would love to meet Shippo." InuYasha looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding his head.
"It's a good idea, Kagome. It will keep both of them safe from Naraku trying to manipulate us with them, and will keep Shippo from trying to follow us on his own . . . which you know damn well he'll try to do." Sesshoumaru spoke suddenly.
"I find it most acceptable. Kagome's mother must be an exceptional woman, to have raised such a daughter . . . I believe Rin will be more than safe under her care." Kagome grinned at the compliment before walking over to him and hugging him, startling him into stillness. Inu merely grinned at his brother's sudden inability to do anything.
Yup . . . Kagome was proving to be too much for even his brother to handle well. Was it any wonder that it had taken him so long to come around to admitting he loved her?