A/N: Hi! I'm really glad that you still like my story! Please review to this chapter, too (-:
Chapter 3
It was hard for him to fall asleep, every time Harry closed his eyes he could see his uncle Vernon standing over him, ready to hit him again - Dudley, as always, standing on the other side of the room and grinning like an idiot and of course his aunt didn't care.
His eyes flew open again then and sometimes a soft scream escaped his mouth. Afterwards he immediatly fell silent again for he didn't want Snape to wake up. Of course the potion master had been somewhat nice to him the day before but that didn't mean that he would not get very, very mad when he would be disturbed at night. Harry didn't know what to think about all that yet and he really didn't want to taste his luck.
But around 3 am he couldn't help falling into a deep slumber. The day had been more than hard for him and finally his body gave in.
The peace didn't last long, though. After about an hour the nightmares started. He was standing in complete darkness, but suddenly he heard a loud voice coming from nowhere. The boy knew to whom it belonged - his uncle Vernon. "You worthless idiot, you should be grateful!" Harry wanted to run but he just couldn't move and so he just stared into the darkness, waiting for what would come. Dudley appeared, a broad smile on his fat face. He told him how stupid he was, that he didn't have any friends, that he would never have any. His voice failed him as Harry tried to argue back, to tell him that he did have friends now! Suddenly he stood in the living room of the house he had grown up in. But it didn't look like always, not at all. It was all dirty, covered with dusk and there were muddy foodprints on the ground, probably from Dudley. His aunt came through the door, she smiled one of her cruel smiles and told him to clean up. She wanted everything to be perfect until his uncle came home. Harry had
just started as he heard the front door open. He shook like a leaf as he heard his unlce walking on the corridor. As he entered the living room he looked upon his nephew with pure hate. Without hesitation the big man walked towards him and raised his hand, ready to hit the boy before him. "Didn't your aunt tell you to clean up? You are just as worthless as you parents. Believe me, this time you won't go back to that school of yours! I will take care of that!" Then all Harry could see the hand coming towards him but before it could hit him he heard somebody's loud scream: "NO!!!" And he woke up without realizing that it had been he who had screamed.
***
"NO!"
Snape abruptly sat up in his bed and looked around. Who the hell had screamed like that? It took him a moment to remember everything that had happened but then it came back to him.
Harry Potter was here, and obviously he had been screaming in sheer panic.
As fast as he could Severus got out of his bed and ran towards the guest room where the boy would live for the next few weeks. He opened the door and used a spell to light up the room.
Harry sat on the bed, panting hard and trying to calm down. He must have had a nightmare.
Of course Snape wanted to do something to help the boy but he had no idea what. He had never been in such a position in all his life. Finally he walked towards the bed, sat down on its edge and rested a hand on the younger wizard's shoulder. As the boy looked up at him with unshed tears in his eyes the professor felt completely helpless. He knew it wasn't right to talk in his normal cold voice now but he just couldn't bring himself to show any emotions, not after such a long time of hiding them. "Calm down, Potter. You are safe now."
Even though though the sound of Snape's voice wasn't very comforting the words caused Harry to relax a little. To his surprise the professor's hand was still on his shoulder. Again he heard that cold voice. "Are you feeling better now?"
The boy forced himself to nod. "Yes, sir. Thank you and I'm sorry for disturbing you." He looked up at his teacher sheepishly.
Severus nodded slowly, thinking for a moment. "Do you want something to help you sleep through the night?"
For a moment Harry wanted to nod but then he decided not to. Of course it was tempting but on the other hand he didn't want to be a burden. He didn't want to ask the professor to prepare a potion at such a ridiculous time and so he shook his head. "No, sir. I'll be fine. You really can go back to bed."
To Snape the boy didn't look fine at all for even though he tried to be brave his lips were trembling. And his eyes were still so full of fear, sadness and shame. The potion master remembered those feelings all too well. The terrible fear and sadness were bad enough but the shame was the worst. The feeling that you are worthless, that you deserve it, that somehow it must be all your fault...
He probably had inhaled a little too sharp for Potter looked at him with a questioning gaze. "Are you alright, sir?" He asked in a small voice.
Immediatly Snape nodded. "Yes, of course. Are you sure that I can leave you alone? I don't want you to hurt yourself when you panic, you are still not fully healed. Albus would kill me if anything happened to you."
So that was it! How could he have thought that this man took care of him because he wanted to? After all Professor Snape hated him!
Severus saw a disappointed look on Potter's face and wondered what was wrong. He hadn't said anything wrong, had he? A slight frown appeared. "What's wrong now, Potter?" The words had come out a little harsher than he had intended.
Great! Now he had managed to make him angry. Harry just wanted to disappear into a big hole in the ground, but none opened. "Nothing, sir", he whispered, he was close to tears now. "Nothing. I promise that I won't disturb you again, you will hardly realize that I'm here."
Now Severus understood! What had he just said? 'Albus would kill me if anything happened to you.' The boy had obviously taken that sentence the wrong way. He so wanted to make him feel welcome and it proved to be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. For a moment he closed his eyes, almost feeling Albus' arms around him. "You are at home now, my dear boy", the headmaster had said in a soft and gentle voice. Something Snape had had never experienced before. It had felt so good, he remembered crying on Dumbledore's shoulder, for the first time in his life he had felt truly safe.
He wanted to do the same for the boy who was sitting before him, a look of fear in his green eyes.
But he couldn't - he just couldn't. All he did was shaking his head. "You don't disturb me. Don't worry about that."
With that the potion master stood up, as calm and cold as ever. "Try to get some more sleep, Harry. I see you tomorrow."
He turned around and was just about to put out the light again as he heard a small voice coming from behind him. "Please, sir, could you leave the light on?"
"Of course. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
***
As Snape had left the room Harry allowed himself to sink back into the soft pillows. The professor would surely think him childish now, maybe he would tell the whole class that Harry Potter was afraid of darkness.
Finally he couldn't hold back his tears any longer, violent sobs shook his body and he only hoped that Snape didn't hear it. He needed to be alone now, he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, but at least he wouldn't have to hear the potion master calling him a 'cry-baby' or something as that.
And so he lay awake for the rest of the night, staring at the high ceiling, hoping in vain that the memories would give him a moment of peace.
TBC
Chapter 3
It was hard for him to fall asleep, every time Harry closed his eyes he could see his uncle Vernon standing over him, ready to hit him again - Dudley, as always, standing on the other side of the room and grinning like an idiot and of course his aunt didn't care.
His eyes flew open again then and sometimes a soft scream escaped his mouth. Afterwards he immediatly fell silent again for he didn't want Snape to wake up. Of course the potion master had been somewhat nice to him the day before but that didn't mean that he would not get very, very mad when he would be disturbed at night. Harry didn't know what to think about all that yet and he really didn't want to taste his luck.
But around 3 am he couldn't help falling into a deep slumber. The day had been more than hard for him and finally his body gave in.
The peace didn't last long, though. After about an hour the nightmares started. He was standing in complete darkness, but suddenly he heard a loud voice coming from nowhere. The boy knew to whom it belonged - his uncle Vernon. "You worthless idiot, you should be grateful!" Harry wanted to run but he just couldn't move and so he just stared into the darkness, waiting for what would come. Dudley appeared, a broad smile on his fat face. He told him how stupid he was, that he didn't have any friends, that he would never have any. His voice failed him as Harry tried to argue back, to tell him that he did have friends now! Suddenly he stood in the living room of the house he had grown up in. But it didn't look like always, not at all. It was all dirty, covered with dusk and there were muddy foodprints on the ground, probably from Dudley. His aunt came through the door, she smiled one of her cruel smiles and told him to clean up. She wanted everything to be perfect until his uncle came home. Harry had
just started as he heard the front door open. He shook like a leaf as he heard his unlce walking on the corridor. As he entered the living room he looked upon his nephew with pure hate. Without hesitation the big man walked towards him and raised his hand, ready to hit the boy before him. "Didn't your aunt tell you to clean up? You are just as worthless as you parents. Believe me, this time you won't go back to that school of yours! I will take care of that!" Then all Harry could see the hand coming towards him but before it could hit him he heard somebody's loud scream: "NO!!!" And he woke up without realizing that it had been he who had screamed.
***
"NO!"
Snape abruptly sat up in his bed and looked around. Who the hell had screamed like that? It took him a moment to remember everything that had happened but then it came back to him.
Harry Potter was here, and obviously he had been screaming in sheer panic.
As fast as he could Severus got out of his bed and ran towards the guest room where the boy would live for the next few weeks. He opened the door and used a spell to light up the room.
Harry sat on the bed, panting hard and trying to calm down. He must have had a nightmare.
Of course Snape wanted to do something to help the boy but he had no idea what. He had never been in such a position in all his life. Finally he walked towards the bed, sat down on its edge and rested a hand on the younger wizard's shoulder. As the boy looked up at him with unshed tears in his eyes the professor felt completely helpless. He knew it wasn't right to talk in his normal cold voice now but he just couldn't bring himself to show any emotions, not after such a long time of hiding them. "Calm down, Potter. You are safe now."
Even though though the sound of Snape's voice wasn't very comforting the words caused Harry to relax a little. To his surprise the professor's hand was still on his shoulder. Again he heard that cold voice. "Are you feeling better now?"
The boy forced himself to nod. "Yes, sir. Thank you and I'm sorry for disturbing you." He looked up at his teacher sheepishly.
Severus nodded slowly, thinking for a moment. "Do you want something to help you sleep through the night?"
For a moment Harry wanted to nod but then he decided not to. Of course it was tempting but on the other hand he didn't want to be a burden. He didn't want to ask the professor to prepare a potion at such a ridiculous time and so he shook his head. "No, sir. I'll be fine. You really can go back to bed."
To Snape the boy didn't look fine at all for even though he tried to be brave his lips were trembling. And his eyes were still so full of fear, sadness and shame. The potion master remembered those feelings all too well. The terrible fear and sadness were bad enough but the shame was the worst. The feeling that you are worthless, that you deserve it, that somehow it must be all your fault...
He probably had inhaled a little too sharp for Potter looked at him with a questioning gaze. "Are you alright, sir?" He asked in a small voice.
Immediatly Snape nodded. "Yes, of course. Are you sure that I can leave you alone? I don't want you to hurt yourself when you panic, you are still not fully healed. Albus would kill me if anything happened to you."
So that was it! How could he have thought that this man took care of him because he wanted to? After all Professor Snape hated him!
Severus saw a disappointed look on Potter's face and wondered what was wrong. He hadn't said anything wrong, had he? A slight frown appeared. "What's wrong now, Potter?" The words had come out a little harsher than he had intended.
Great! Now he had managed to make him angry. Harry just wanted to disappear into a big hole in the ground, but none opened. "Nothing, sir", he whispered, he was close to tears now. "Nothing. I promise that I won't disturb you again, you will hardly realize that I'm here."
Now Severus understood! What had he just said? 'Albus would kill me if anything happened to you.' The boy had obviously taken that sentence the wrong way. He so wanted to make him feel welcome and it proved to be the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. For a moment he closed his eyes, almost feeling Albus' arms around him. "You are at home now, my dear boy", the headmaster had said in a soft and gentle voice. Something Snape had had never experienced before. It had felt so good, he remembered crying on Dumbledore's shoulder, for the first time in his life he had felt truly safe.
He wanted to do the same for the boy who was sitting before him, a look of fear in his green eyes.
But he couldn't - he just couldn't. All he did was shaking his head. "You don't disturb me. Don't worry about that."
With that the potion master stood up, as calm and cold as ever. "Try to get some more sleep, Harry. I see you tomorrow."
He turned around and was just about to put out the light again as he heard a small voice coming from behind him. "Please, sir, could you leave the light on?"
"Of course. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
***
As Snape had left the room Harry allowed himself to sink back into the soft pillows. The professor would surely think him childish now, maybe he would tell the whole class that Harry Potter was afraid of darkness.
Finally he couldn't hold back his tears any longer, violent sobs shook his body and he only hoped that Snape didn't hear it. He needed to be alone now, he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, but at least he wouldn't have to hear the potion master calling him a 'cry-baby' or something as that.
And so he lay awake for the rest of the night, staring at the high ceiling, hoping in vain that the memories would give him a moment of peace.
TBC