A/N: DracoLovesHermione asked why Harry isn't staying in the Gryffindor tower. Well, I don't think that would be too good to be alone in the tower when it is usually for many students. I don't think he should be alone after all that happened. Even if his only company is Snape (-;
And SISSI, don't worry, it won't be slash!
Now enjoy the next chapter! And please review!!!
Chaper 6
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, POTTER?"
Harry flinched. Now it was Potter again, not Harry anymore, probably not a good sign, not at all. "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to... to watch you. I just..."
"You were just standing there, looking into my room. Unfortunately I was in it and so you were forced to watch me. Poor boy, that's really not your fault. How could I ever yell at you like that?" The professor stared at him coldly, his voice had been calm and still there had been nothing gentle in it.
Harry felt his heart sink. The last few days he had actually thought that Snape had changed, at least a bit. But this time he had made him furious.
He flinched as the potion master took a step towards him. "I'm... I'm really sorry, sir." With that he turned around and fled.
***
Snape sighed defeated and sat down on his chair.
He really hadn't wanted to yell at the boy like that. It just had been some sort of reflex - self-defence maybe. Something which had helped him to survive over all those years. He knew that Potter hadn't meant any harm, but so many people he could think of would have laughed about him because he wasn't able to sleep without a dreamless sleep potion.
Too many people had lauged about him already, he had become suspicious towards anyone but Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster had tried to convince him to stop taking the potion more than once but it had been without success. It had become like an addiction. All those years he had tried to forget about what his mother had done to him while he had been at home and what the other students had done to him when he had been in Hogwarts. During the day he was constantly wearing his mask, hiding his emotions - even from himself. And for the night there was the potion which stopped his dreams from remembering him.
It had worked for so many years.
But now that Harry was there, a boy who had been forced to experience nearly the same as he had himself. He couldn't close his eyes anymore, he couldn't just go on pretending that the world around him didn't concern him. But on the other hand he also couldn't go to Potter and open up to him as if they were best friends - still Severus didn't trust him completely. It was hard for him to trust, he had been hurt far too often. That was why he didn't let anybody in. Most of the people, even his collegues, thought he was cold or cruel. And the solitude didn't really add to a good mood.
Well, now he had to do something.
Without really knowing what to do when he reached it Snape headed for Potter's room.
***
When he stood before the door Snape felt tears coming to his own eyes as he heard the boy's desperate sobs. Quickly he wiped them away and without further hesitation he knocked and entered without waiting for an answer.
Harry sat on his bed, his cheeks wet from tears and his eyes wide as he looked up at his teacher. He wanted to say something but Snape cut him off.
"I'm sorry, Po... - Harry. I'm sorry about that outburst. I know that you didn't mean any harm." The potion master said in a surprisingly gentle voice. He hadn't even known that he was capable of speaking like that. "It's just... I lost my temper. And I didn't want you to see me drinking that."
Harry looked down now, thinking of what to say. Could he dare to ask him? Well, he couldn't help trying. "Sir?"
"Yes?"
"It was a dreamless sleep potion, wasn't it?"
For a moment Snape closed his dark eyes. Even though the young wizard wasn't really good in Potions he had recognized it. "Yes, it was. And before you can ask - no, you won't get any of it." There was so much disappointment in the boy's green eyes that the professor nearly regretted his words. Nearly. "You will get over it without a potion, Harry. You are strong enough. Stronger than I am." He hadn't wanted to add the last sentence, it had just come out.
Harry was shocked. What had happened to Snape in the past? Surely something terrible. "Do you have nightmares, too?" Usually he wouldn't have had the courage to ask such a question, but suddenly his professor didn't seem so scary anymore. Had he possibly even gone through the same as he had?
"Yes, I had - years ago." Severus' voice was hardly more than a whisper and it was terribly hoarse. He had never intended to talk about that, but now it was too late to stop. He couldn't just turn around to flee the room. Harry needed him now. It was too late for himself, he thought, but the boy would get over it. He would see to that.
'When did I start to like him?' Severus thought.
But Harry's eyes widened. Had Snape just said something about years? "You've been taking this for years?" His fear was now replaced by curiousity.
After a moment the teacher nodded and walked over to the window. He just couldn't stand facing his student anymore, not when he was talking about that. "Yes, unfortunately. That's why I don't want you to start with it at all. The longer you take it the harder it is to stop. Of course you can take it a lifetime. It doesn't harm you, as you surely know. The problem is that you lose your pleasant dreams as well. Your sleep isn't really peaceful, you sleep like... a stone. You don't feel anything anymore. It's just - nothing. Now you may think that it's better than your nightmares. But they will be gone sooner or later and then you'll be glad that you didn't take the potion."
Yeah, he was probably right. It was better this way. "Professor?"
Wordlessly Snape turned around once more and Harry could see the pain in his dark eyes.
"Why did you never stop taking the potion then?"
Severus didn't think about his response. It just came out. "I never had pleasant dreams to lose."
TBC
And SISSI, don't worry, it won't be slash!
Now enjoy the next chapter! And please review!!!
Chaper 6
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, POTTER?"
Harry flinched. Now it was Potter again, not Harry anymore, probably not a good sign, not at all. "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to... to watch you. I just..."
"You were just standing there, looking into my room. Unfortunately I was in it and so you were forced to watch me. Poor boy, that's really not your fault. How could I ever yell at you like that?" The professor stared at him coldly, his voice had been calm and still there had been nothing gentle in it.
Harry felt his heart sink. The last few days he had actually thought that Snape had changed, at least a bit. But this time he had made him furious.
He flinched as the potion master took a step towards him. "I'm... I'm really sorry, sir." With that he turned around and fled.
***
Snape sighed defeated and sat down on his chair.
He really hadn't wanted to yell at the boy like that. It just had been some sort of reflex - self-defence maybe. Something which had helped him to survive over all those years. He knew that Potter hadn't meant any harm, but so many people he could think of would have laughed about him because he wasn't able to sleep without a dreamless sleep potion.
Too many people had lauged about him already, he had become suspicious towards anyone but Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster had tried to convince him to stop taking the potion more than once but it had been without success. It had become like an addiction. All those years he had tried to forget about what his mother had done to him while he had been at home and what the other students had done to him when he had been in Hogwarts. During the day he was constantly wearing his mask, hiding his emotions - even from himself. And for the night there was the potion which stopped his dreams from remembering him.
It had worked for so many years.
But now that Harry was there, a boy who had been forced to experience nearly the same as he had himself. He couldn't close his eyes anymore, he couldn't just go on pretending that the world around him didn't concern him. But on the other hand he also couldn't go to Potter and open up to him as if they were best friends - still Severus didn't trust him completely. It was hard for him to trust, he had been hurt far too often. That was why he didn't let anybody in. Most of the people, even his collegues, thought he was cold or cruel. And the solitude didn't really add to a good mood.
Well, now he had to do something.
Without really knowing what to do when he reached it Snape headed for Potter's room.
***
When he stood before the door Snape felt tears coming to his own eyes as he heard the boy's desperate sobs. Quickly he wiped them away and without further hesitation he knocked and entered without waiting for an answer.
Harry sat on his bed, his cheeks wet from tears and his eyes wide as he looked up at his teacher. He wanted to say something but Snape cut him off.
"I'm sorry, Po... - Harry. I'm sorry about that outburst. I know that you didn't mean any harm." The potion master said in a surprisingly gentle voice. He hadn't even known that he was capable of speaking like that. "It's just... I lost my temper. And I didn't want you to see me drinking that."
Harry looked down now, thinking of what to say. Could he dare to ask him? Well, he couldn't help trying. "Sir?"
"Yes?"
"It was a dreamless sleep potion, wasn't it?"
For a moment Snape closed his dark eyes. Even though the young wizard wasn't really good in Potions he had recognized it. "Yes, it was. And before you can ask - no, you won't get any of it." There was so much disappointment in the boy's green eyes that the professor nearly regretted his words. Nearly. "You will get over it without a potion, Harry. You are strong enough. Stronger than I am." He hadn't wanted to add the last sentence, it had just come out.
Harry was shocked. What had happened to Snape in the past? Surely something terrible. "Do you have nightmares, too?" Usually he wouldn't have had the courage to ask such a question, but suddenly his professor didn't seem so scary anymore. Had he possibly even gone through the same as he had?
"Yes, I had - years ago." Severus' voice was hardly more than a whisper and it was terribly hoarse. He had never intended to talk about that, but now it was too late to stop. He couldn't just turn around to flee the room. Harry needed him now. It was too late for himself, he thought, but the boy would get over it. He would see to that.
'When did I start to like him?' Severus thought.
But Harry's eyes widened. Had Snape just said something about years? "You've been taking this for years?" His fear was now replaced by curiousity.
After a moment the teacher nodded and walked over to the window. He just couldn't stand facing his student anymore, not when he was talking about that. "Yes, unfortunately. That's why I don't want you to start with it at all. The longer you take it the harder it is to stop. Of course you can take it a lifetime. It doesn't harm you, as you surely know. The problem is that you lose your pleasant dreams as well. Your sleep isn't really peaceful, you sleep like... a stone. You don't feel anything anymore. It's just - nothing. Now you may think that it's better than your nightmares. But they will be gone sooner or later and then you'll be glad that you didn't take the potion."
Yeah, he was probably right. It was better this way. "Professor?"
Wordlessly Snape turned around once more and Harry could see the pain in his dark eyes.
"Why did you never stop taking the potion then?"
Severus didn't think about his response. It just came out. "I never had pleasant dreams to lose."
TBC