Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing or its characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi), major A.U, some OOC I think, deathfic

Finding Heaven

Part Seventeen: Severing ties

"Duo, look out!" Heero yelled, spinning his smaller lover away.

Duo fell to the ground with a hard thud and saw a blur rushing past where he was currently standing and hitting Heero. His boyfriend's slender form rose into the air from the impact and landed next to him. A slim handle of a knife was sticking out of Heero abdomen and blood was seeping out in huge amounts.

"HEERO!" Duo screamed, crawling towards the other man's prone form. He had to stop the bleeding, there was just so much of it. He ripped out his coat and pressed it to the wound, trying to stem the flow. Time ceased for him, he stopped trying to care. He was dimly aware of yelling, screaming, and fighting. He didn't care anymore; his life was in his arms bleeding to death. It should have been him; Heero took the knife meant for him. Duo deserved to die; God had decided that it was for him to die. He was dying anyway, so why did it have to be Heero? Why? Why? Why?

He rocked the unconscious body in his arms, holding on when someone tried to pry him away.

"Duo," a firm voice cut through the stupor. "Heero needs help; let the paramedics do their work. Please," Wufei told him.

Duo stared dumbly at obsidian eyes. "Help?" He echoed; his hold loosening.

"Yes, Duo. Help. Let go," Wufei continued to soothe and finally managed to get Duo to release Heero to the waiting paramedics who descended on the injured man. The Chinese man held onto Duo, murmuring softly to the distraught man who was still very much in shock.

Duo watched with strange detachment at the figures hovering over Heero, trying to save his life. Why was it Heero? He didn't deserve this. Duo should have been the one. Why must he hurt everyone in his life? His illness was penance for all his had done. He deserved to suffer, deserved the horrible death that awaited him. He deserved all the pain, all the shit that was coming to him. He would never get to heaven, he deserved hell and his hell started now. If anything were to happen to Heero, he wouldn't need for the cancer to take his life. The knives that still lay in his closet would do a good enough job.

He heard Wufei's voice coming from far away. Why was it getting darker? There should be street lamps out. That thought mingled with a thousand confused other crowded in on him, sweeping away his coherence and finally drowning him in darkness. The last thing he heard was a frantic Wufei calling his name.

Duo was somewhere warm and he was comfortable. Then he remembered. He bolted upright, his eyes flying open to find himself lying in a hospital bed.

"Duo!" Wufei called out, springing from his seat to rush over to the bed, where Duo was trying his damnest to get out of. "Heero's fine. He came out of surgery fine. He's still unconscious and there is no point for you to go see him now. He will heal, he's fine." He continued to speak, watching closely at signs of Duo calming down.

"'Fei?" Duo asked.

"Yes, it's me," Wufei sat at the edge of the bed and pulled the long haired man into a tight hug. "We'll go and see Heero in a while. Right now they are not allowing any visitors except for family."

"But, I'm…." Duo's voice was muffled against Wufei's chest. It was a familiar position; one the older man had him in when he was younger. When he did something he truly regretted but usually had no choice in the matter.

Wufei pulled back, but kept his hands tightly encircled around Duo's upper arms. "We need to talk."

The pain etched in every line on Wufei's features told Duo about what.

"You didn't tell anyone, did you?" Duo asked, afraid that his friend had. He didn't need anyone to worry for him, to hurt for him. He didn't deserve that sort of concern.

"You don't want me to," Wufei accused.

Duo fisted the Chinese man's shirt. "Please, Wufei." He never called his friend by his full name unless he was seriously asking for something. And Wufei has never denied him anything. "I don't want anyone else to worry for me."

"Heero?"

Duo frowned in worry. "I'm more concerned about him now, than I am myself."

"What are you going to do about it?"

By that he meant was he going to go for chemo, Duo knew. If Wufei had asked a little earlier, Duo's answer would have been different. He was unable to meet the other man's eyes.

"How stupid can you get?" Wufei exploded, guessing the answer from the younger man's reluctance. Sally walked in at that moment bearing two cups of coffee. "Woman, this idiot is just going let himself die!"

"Not so loud!" Duo admonished. "I've decided." And he refused to say more.

"Duo, you understand what this disease is going to do to you?" Sally asked, trying to make him think subjectively.

"All I care about is Heero," Duo said stubbornly. "When he's healed, I'll decide again then."

"The faster you start; the more chance…" Sally was cut off by Duo scrambling out from the bed.

"Enough," he announced. "I'm going to see Heero." His tone dared them to stop him. He stalked out the room with his two friends hot on his heels. He passed Quatre and Trowa but ignored them as he brushed past.

"Wufei?" Trowa asked, flicking a glance at Duo.

"Just follow him."

"Where's his room?" Duo asked and was pointed the way. Towards the end, he was almost running and skidded to a halt outside the private room. He burst into the room to find Heero awake. He almost laughed with relief. He went to Heero's side immediately and took hold of a pale hand. His boyfriend didn't look so good still. Heero was pale and looked exhausted. He was attached to an I.V. and was still being transfused with blood. He was given oxygen from a tube attached to his nose.

"Hi, love," Duo said, achingly, brushing the messy mop from Heero's forehead.

"Duo," Heero sighed in a relieved tone. He sounded horribly weak. "You okay?"

Duo nodded with a reassuring smile. "I was tired and shocked, that's why I passed out. I'm fine now."

Heero nodded tiredly, closing his eyelids fluttering shut.

"My, my, look what the cat dragged in?" A snide tone came from the door.

Duo wasn't at all surprised to recognise it as Relena's. Heero's drowsy eyes flew open as the crowd of friends at the door made way for her to enter.

"What do you want Relena?" Duo asked, unable to keep the dislike from his tone. His eye caught on her finger as she flashed a ring in his direction. He recognised it; it was her engagement ring from Heero. But he took it back months ago. He looked to Heero in confusion and saw the guilt written there. He shook his head slowly, unable to believe what his mind was slowly telling. He dropped Heero's hand as if on fire and backed away from the bed.

"Aaah, I see you have already deduced this," Relena held up her ringed finger in triumph. "I told you so, Mr Maxwell. You were just a passing fancy for him. We got back together two weeks ago."

"You bitch," Wufei cursed, walking up towards the woman but Duo ignored him.

Two weeks, during the time Heero had been staying away. Could it be? He dropped his gaze to Heero's. "Is it true?"

"I'm sorry," Heero choked out, softly. "I didn't mean to mislead you."

Relena walked up to Heero and took hold of his hand. "He was so attentive to me and we fell in love all over again. You poor boy, what made you think oil and water could mix? Or should I say champagne and sewer water?"

Duo flinched at the insult but kept his eyes trained on Heero. "You didn't love me?"

"It was interesting for a while." Heero went on, his voice losing strength. "It was an interesting experiment."

"Liar."

"Be… believe what you want," Heero said weakly, trying to keep awake.

"You saved me."

"Reflex. Would… have…. done…. for….anyone."

"The ring box?" Duo challenged.

"Goodbye present," Heero murmured, losing the battle to stay awake.

Relena studied the slumbering man for a while before levelling a frosty gaze on Duo. "I think you should leave now. Don't worry, I'll be sending you a wedding invitation."

"I'll…" Wufei began, but Duo stopped him.

"Forget it," Duo told him softly, feeling the full effects of Heero's betrayal. "Let's just go." He turned and walked out of the room, unable to face Relena's gloating expression, unable to face the pity on his friend's faces, unable to face life.

Solo had ripped out his heart; Heero had ripped out his soul. He felt empty, void of any emotion. No tears left within him.

"Duo…" Quatre ventured softly, following him out of the door.

"Enough, Quatre. I don't want to hear anything. Relena is right. Champagne and sewer water don't mix. I don't think we should meet anymore." Duo was aghast at what he was doing. But in that moment of utter betrayal, he had decided. There was nothing left in this world for him. He didn't want to go on. He was so tired of living. Cut everything off, don't let anyone hurt anymore.

"Don't…" Quatre begged.

"Stop hurting Quatre," Trowa barked. "We have done nothing to you."

"Yes, Duo," Quatre agreed hurriedly. "You are still our friend. We…"

Duo raised his hand, cutting the blond off. "Enough. I've always detested the way you rubbed your wealth in my face, showing off what a huge house you have, and all your rich friends." He felt sick of himself but forced himself to go on, sneering at them. "Wanted to get a quick buck out of you in the beginning, but decided that letting you remain my friend was more…" He was cut off by a stinging pain along his jaw. Trowa had punched him and was glaring at him furiously. Quatre, on the other hand, had one hand clasped over his mouth as his aqua eyes shimmered in hurt.

Without another word, Trowa took hold of his lover and led then away.

Far away from Duo's life.

 tbc….

Okay, so maybe I lied, not really over yet.

I know you guys are thinking, what am I nuts?? Why would I write Duo not trying to save his own life right? Well this is happening to a friend of mine. It was totally illogical, but his mind is telling him it's the right thing to do. That's right, my friend is dying of cancer and he refuses treatment. As airyn put it, I don't mind you raining on my 'oh no my braid' parade. It is happening to me. I'm so tired of talking to him, and this is just a way of releasing my frustrations. Some of the arguments I've used here are from his mouth and not from my imagination. Maybe that's why it is so ridiculous. You would think no one alive would want to waste life right?? WRONG, he is considering euthanasia when things get bad.

Conclusion, Duo isn't crazy, my friend is.