DISCLAIMER:
O, Minekura Kazuya. Do not try to sue me.
I do not own anything to do with Gensomaden Saiyuki.
For I am just an extremely mild-mannered fan
Who tries hard to wait patiently for another particularly interesting season at AXN.
~~~~~~~~
chapter four.
Sanzo pointed his gun at the demon's heart. His anger was totally burning him into crisp. He had never felt so humilliated in his entire life!
Well, except maybe the time when that nosy old neighbour caught him stealing cookies from Komyo Sanzo's secret cookie jar. Yes, unknown to many people, Komyou Sanzo had a very unhealthy addiction with cookies. Especially chocolate chip cookies, preferably his most favorite.
Anyway, because of him, Komyou Sanzo's naughty desires to secretly eat cookies at night is no more. That horrible old neighbour flat out threatened little Koryuu with a cat if he didn't give the greedy git the last remaining cookies in the jar. Blackmail!
If he wasn't deathly allergic to cats, Koryuu will certainly pound that moronic face of his with the biggest rock he could find. How dare he threaten him! But he gave out the cookies anyway due to the scary mewing sound he kept hearing from under the prat's robes. Shame on you Koryuu!
Komyou Sanzo was simply horrified when he found his secret cookie jar in a very empty condition. It was supposed to be a secret! And now it's gone! All he could do then was say,
"Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Did you steal the cookies from the cookie jar?"
"Who me?"
"Yes you!"
"Couldn't be!"
"So who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?"
Like everything else, he found out about the naked truth afterwards, and immediately sent Koryuu out in the mountains for some natural spanking lessons for being unobedient and stealing without permission. (like you need permission for stealing – duh!)
He thought he was grounded for life then. But now, he reckons he is grounded for eternity. That disturbing image of a demon dancing the macarena will never disappear from his mind! It is much worse than spanking lessons from Mother Nature! It will torment him for the rest of his unholy lifetime!
He had to end this now. Slowly, Sanzo pulled the trigger.. but his finger strangely wouldn't budge. He hesitated. He didn't know why he did. There was this annoying feeling in his chest that wouldn't go away. A feeling telling him that bad things would happen if he dared shoot little Sunny. Very bad things. He relaxed his fingers but did not lower the gun. She was still a demon after all, and pointing highly dangerous weapons at a demon is always fun for Sanzo.
Sunny shot one look at the gun and felt her heart stopped beating already, and she hasn't even died. She stayed rooted to the spot, terrified of the deadly metal object that could blow the life out of her body anytime now.
Sanzo smirked, "Scared of death, demon?" he said, "Why, you're just paces away from it."
No, he was not going to kill her. Yet. But he decided to tease her a bit after the humilliation and the mortifying allergy she had caused him. Payback time! Sanzo mentally laughed his head off in an evil-maniac kind of way. Revenge is truly suh-weet!!
The cat-demon cringed at Sanzo's words. Ooh, how she hates that man!
She pouted furiously. It's not fair! She was only obeying her master's orders! She doesn't want to die now. She's young. She's carefree. She's too devastatingly attractive to die! Please don't. She's not ready for the underworld of mighty Hades. Don't let her die. Especially not in the hands of someone that is supposed to be allergic to her! She would be the laughing stock of the demonic underworld. All the dead demons will point at her and label her as The Demon Who Was Killed By Its Own Allergy.
Besides, she never really intended to eat this scrawny blonde git! He would've tasted awful anyway. Imagine all that blonde hair down your throat – eeaargh!! Eating humans is absolutely not her thing. Way too much cholesterol. A definite no-no for her diet.
Sunny swore solemnly that if he ever did pull that damn trigger, she would haunt him for the rest of his life. Till the day he dies, her spirit will never rest! She will make him sneeze until the day he dies! Sneeze Sanzo sneeze!
"Go on then," she purred bravely. "Kill me if you must, Sanzo. But I warn you, this will not be the last of me!"
Sanzo sighed, "Pity"
"I'm really really warning you! I will come back from the dead! I will torment your unhealthy mind as long as you live!"
"Tch. You've certainly suceeded that part. Dammit, I'm seeing it again!" he shuddered as the macarena image came back to his mind. Then as quickly as the horrifying image came, Sanzo pulled himself together. And to Sunny's amazement, he also lowered his gun.
"Besides," he started. "You have nine lives, cat-demon. You won't permanently die until I execute you nine times. How stupid of you to forget that, you utter utter moron! You must be the stupidest demon alive!"
Nine lives? That's right! She couldn't believe she actually forgot about that bit. Chalk one up for Sanzo. Sunny – zero. She sighed heavily. But the game is not over yet. Who knows what kind of dirty schemes she could come up with next time? If there is a next time.
"Well, what are you waiting for? So kill me already!"
He didn't answer. Instead, Sanzo took a seat and sat down. He pointed to an extremely over-pathetic looking chair at the far end of the room and said simply,
"You. Sit."
"What?" Sunny exclaimed in a surprised manner.
"Sit down you empty-headed bimbo of demons." he insisted in what he thought was a sugary voice. He looked as though he could flash a sweetly smile. But no, I won't make him do that. Sanzo is way better off when frowning and being a total grouch! Agree?
Sunny turned to the chair Sanzo had pointing to and gave a sudden yelp. It was the most hideous chair she had ever seen! It certainly doesn't look safe, seeing its condition is far from Soft And Comfy and much more closer to Falling Apart Disastrously.
"What are you thinking, Monk! Sit on that!? No, thanks. My perfectly formed butt just won't have it."
Sanzo lifted his gun threateningly, "Sit!"
The cat-demon ran so quickly towards the stool, she almost flew. Being threatened with a gun with bullets in it does that to you. She sat down without any hesitation.
"There. I'm sitting on it. Now, what do you want? Do you want to kill me while I'm sitting on it? Really, is that some kind of new trend? Let's all go and kill demons sitting on decomposed chairs! The rotten the chair, the better it is!" she chirped spontaneously.
Sanzo shoved his hand into his robes and took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. To Sunny's utter envy, he settled down in his big and comfortable sofa-like seat and started to smoke.
"Oh, great. You're down there smoking, having a perfectly good relationship with your royal chair and I'm stuck here with the old log! Isn't that fine?" she snorted, feeling pricks of wood torturing her butt. She glared longingly at the big red chair beside Sanzo's. "There's a spare seat right next to you. Why can't I sit on that!?"
"And risk me sitting next to you!? Think of my allergies, woman!" he bellowed.
"Why don't you sit here!?"
"That is no seat for a monk! But don't worry, your demonic behind is much thicker than us humans. You'll live." he said as he inhaled his cigarette at a leisurely pace. He sat up abruptly and fixed his steady gaze on Sunny. "Now, you mentioned something about 'my Master'. Who exactly sent you?"
Sunny looked shocked. Did she also let slip that she was here on her master's errand!? Her master would be furious! How stupid could she be!? Chalk another one up for Sanzo. Sunny – still zero!
Sanzo is too smart for her. She's starting to feel she's battling a losing game.
"You think I'm going to tell you?" said Sunny nonchalantly.
"I didn't expect you would. But I can coax you with a little something…" he didn't finish his sentence. Instead, he stood up and walked out the door.
A moment later, Sanzo showed up with a bundle of something smelly in his hands.
Sunny twitched her little nose and scowled. She smelled something very very stinky. It was the smell of all evil in this world. A horrible, awful, unnatural, unscentful kind of smell. If Heaven smelled of blooming petite roses, Hell would certainly smell like this. Strangely, this smell seems oddly familiar. Then it hit her. Oh no. OH NO.
"NO. Not GARLIC!!" she hissed, standing up on her stool as if a big, evil, squeaky, monstrous mouse has just entered the room. For a brief second, she looked surprise that it did not collapse with her weight on top of it. Then the garlic made its appearance again.
"GAAK!!" she hissed again. "Get that away from me!" she screamed as cat claws began to grow on her perfectly manicured nails. Her waist-long fair silver hair stood up on its ends (imagine that). She was making the equivalent fuss of what someone would make if Marilyn Manson suddenly turned up on your doorstep without make-up.
Anyway, Sanzo was still holding on to that bundle of garlic. He seemed mildly amused by Sunny's act of terror. He sat back in his couch, smirking. He was loving each moment of it.
Chalk another one up for Sanzo. Sunny - always and forever, the big fat zero.
*
A large lair in the mountains, left empty since a family of white wolves was killed in it. The lair was said to be haunted by the spirit of the dire wolves, howling and barking at every waking night, moreover around the full moon. Creatures avoid it, and even demons flee before it. All, except one.
The dog-man yawned and walked around the cave in all fours, his head high, sniffing around the air. Moist. Cinnamon. Spices. Forest air. Cat. The dog-man growled and dug the ground with his fists. Too long. She was too long. Too much time has been wasted. A howling sound was suddenly heard from behind and he wheeled around, face to face with a lone, white figure.
Darkhas. he breathed. He held his breath, long enough for him to turn back into his dog form.
Has she come? said the figure. It was the lone white wolf. The ghost of the lone white wolf. His spirit howled, the howl that gives you that familiar shiver up your spine, as a sign of his presence.
The dog bowed deeply. No. Not yet. She is still as young as the night, let her bid her own time.
The wolf's sillouhette wavered, The night is, but young. The moon is waning, and time passes by. Time never stops.
She will be back with the Sanzo's heart. You will live again, my other half.
I will live. But as what? The twelfth moon will wane in a few days, and if not yet done by then, I will live as only a soul without a mind. He gave a long wailing cry, his expression remained unpreturbed. Then as swiftly as he appeared, he disappeared into the air.
The dog sat up in the empty chamber, his black eyes seeing into nothingness. The lone wolf was right. They are racing against time, and time is running out. The thing with time is that time always win. But this time, he will try to slow it down. With a flick of a tail, the black dog took off, out of his lair, and into town.
*
Sanzo yawned, obviously bored by Sunny's screaming and yelling. "Care to share your knowledge with me now?" he asked, parting his lips to release smoke from his mouth. "I am officially bored to death and my ears are buzzing strangely."
"This is blackmail!"
"Please, I prefer to call it the Use-Thy-Enemy's-Pathetic-Weakness method." replied Sanzo wearily.
Rats, thought Sunny. He knows my secret weakness! Why garlic anyway? Why not tomatoes or cucumbers or even bananas but garlic!? It smells bad, it looks bad and everybody uses at least a pinch of garlic in their cookings! Explains why cat-form Sunny would rather feed off sewer rats than leftovers from restaurants like other cats do.
"Just get that stinking, rotten thing out of here and I'll tell you anything you want, you sour-faced, blonde, over-corrupt monk!" screeched Sunny.
Sanzo smiled faintly, "And if I don't?"
She fiercely showed her hands where her nice manicured nails had been replaced by long, scathing cat claws. "I'll tear you from limb to limb with my claws!"
"That's cheerful." said Sanzo remotely, putting out his cigarette with his bare fingers and letting it drop to the floor. "Well, if that's what you want..." he walked over to the window-sill, opened it, and threw the bundle of garlic out the window. Sunny thought she heard someone yell 'Gaak! Garlic!' in a Transylvanian accent, a poof! sound, and a panic flutter of bat wings from below the window.
"See? Gone." The monk sat back down and crossed his arms, his gaze still fixed on Sunny. "Now Sunny," he said, "I repeat; who sent you?"
Sunny's hair cascaded back down to her waist, and her nails returned to her original manicured ones. Noticing that she had relaxed, Sanzo thought she'd answer his question nicely. People are usually nicer when relaxed, at least that's what Hakkai said. Sanzo supposed it is quite a reasonable theory.
"A very evil blonde monk sent me."
Or not. Screw you, Hakkai!
"Oh, very funny." Sanzo snapped, "Another blonde monk. What is it with blondes?"
"Blondes have more fun! Excluding the very evil blonde monk who sent me, of course. He's a grouchy tart."
Sanzo scowled, "Be serious, you ungrateful dork! Should you note that there are still more of those garlic in the refridgerator and I can stuck them down your throat anytime I want!" he smirked as he saw Sunny flinch and made a mental note to thank Goku later on for insisting on keeping those gyozas inside the fridge. He went on,
"I just want the demon trying to eat me be vanquished as soon as possible, so quit stalling and tell me who is behind all this or I will kill you and bury you with your intestines tangled inside your mouth!" growled Sanzo impatiently.
Sunny's eyes wavered, "What makes you think I don't want to eat you?"
"Something tells me you narcissistic demons aren't that into high in cholesterol monks."
Sunny made a face, "Thank you for reading my mind, monk." she felt her lips curl up into a smile - and was immediately horrified! What was she thinking!? Smiling to a Sanzo!? Why, it's unheard! Her mind raced, she felt the unbelievably gross pinky colours rising up her face. She had to say something - quick!
"Blacky!"
"What!?"
"Er, that's my master's name. Master Blacky. He's a dog-demon." Hey! You're not supposed to mention that too! Oh, God. I'm a traitorous fiend. But a very pretty traitorous fiend indeed, she thought cheerfully.
Sanzo didn't look so sure. It was clear he was weighing the consequences to trust or not to trust the cat-demon. "Oh, Blacky?" he paused. His eyes still set on Sunny's suspiciously, "I don't trust you about the name, but somehow I believe he is a dog-demon."
Damn!
Sunny swore a very rude word under her breath that couldn't be written here, "You see right through me like I'm some sort of looking glass. I don't like that, you - you - geez, I can't even find a rude word that fits you! You're too - too - well if there's any word for you, you're too that!"
"Loss for words? If I'm right, I believe you're softening." Sanzo suddenly said, sneering triumphantly.
Sunny looked scandalized. "What!? I am not. I'm just raw. All those garlic must've unhinged a few things in my mind."
"A few? No. A hell lot of them sounds more like it."
"Really? Well, it explains why this is still standing up." she pointed to a thick lock of hair on her head, still standing up in shock from her 'freaking out' ordeal, "Must've somehow left this one out, how stupid of me." she added, combing it down with her long fingers.
Sanzo spluttered a laugh - and was immediately horrified. A high-ranked Sanzo like him!? Laughing with a demon like they're some old buddy duddies!? Why, it's unheard! He quickly glared at her for making him do so.
The two sat in silence for a while, both of them wondering how the hell did 'torture talk' suddenly became 'chatting'!? Everything was turning out in the way they both had not expected. Has the world gone upside down!? Sunny thinks it has, cause she's seeing Sanzo in a way she had never seen him before. Is he getting bigger?
"What do you think you're doing you IMBECILE!?!" shouted Sanzo, suddenly losing his cool.
"Mew!" mewed Sunny - the cat! So she is back in cat form… good. Sunny the itsy bitsy white cat pounced off the stool and landed feets away in front of the closed door. With great will power, she stared hard at the door and - voila! - the door magically sprang open! She fled.
"You blasted cat-demon why you - " but Sunny never heard the rest, she was running, jumping, pouncing everywhere, stopping only for a good glance in the mirror, and searched for the exit. Exit! Exit! O, exit where art thou!?
Then she saw it. The door. The exit. The only way out. She stood there, wide-eyed at the gleaming exit to heaven…
BANG! BANG!
Uh-oh. Sanzo's at it again. The bullets didn't get her though, she even thought he did it on purpose. Hang on. Why would she think-
BANG!
Urp! No time to think! Sunny dashed for the door at full speed but the faster she went, the door went further, and further, and further away. But then she realized the door wasn't going anywhere. It was she who was slowing down. Now why would she be slowing down? Oh no, she thought. Oh GOD no, not AGAIN!
That stink. That stench. That horrible smell of GARLIC!!! GHAAAK!! Sunny's white fur stood on ends as she desperately tried to run, but then she flopped. This is her limit.
Cat Sunny wailed, face-down on the wooden floor. Her furry body sprawled on the floor like an electrocuted mini persian rug. That STENCH! Where is it coming from!? It's totally nauseating. She can't breathe. Can't talk now. Thinks. Be. Sick. The gleaming door is just paces away but she is in no state to reach it. Out of reach. Too far. What have you done O Mighty God!? What have you done O Despicable Sanzo!?
But then she realized Sanzo haven't been doing anything but look gleefully at her almost-KOed state. It was the refridgerator. It was obviously sending off ultra strong garlic signals to her ultra sensitive nose. It must be full of it, hell. What kind of person owns a fridge full of garlic!? A vampire slayer, at the least. But Sanzo here is a monk. And those three goofy companions of him … oh. Realization suddenly hit her.
Goku. That monkey-like human being with the rubber stomach. He ate gyozas last night. He was smelly last night so that means…
"You're not going anywhere." She heard a click of a gun behind her fuzzy ears. Oh. Oh. Oh. This is so a horrendous situation. "AH-CHOO!" okay, that wasn't.
You're too close, dimwit! she said mentally. Mentally, yes, but Sanzo heard it.
Sanzo stared at the fluffball for what seems like forever. Did he just - ?
Stop undressing me with your eyes you perveted monk! The voice came again in his mind. It was clearly Sunny's.
"I am not undressing you with my eyes! I will never undress you with my eyes!" he protested, "Gojyo would've done that for me."
Sunny couldn't believe this. She is stuck. Stuck in a room that reeked garlic with a perverted monk! A series of unfortunate events seem to follow her round. Next they'll be bathing together in a big tub of ketchup. Ketchup. Hey, is that a big bottle of ketchup on the counter? An open big bottle of ketchup? Sunny squinted. It surely is.
Not to fret, readers. Sunny does not intend to bathe in a tub of ketchup with Sanzo. Who would anyway? Certainly not me!! *crosses her fingers*
Sunny is one smart kitty. She is one smart demon too. It doesn't take long for her brain to work out something cunning. A brilliant plan just hatched from her mind. A plan to run for now and come back later for Sanzo's life.
Gathering all the will to live, all the guts she could muster, she pounced from the wrath of Sanzo's gun and hopped on top of the counter.
"What the-!?"
Sunny hissed at him and pushed the ketchup bottle over the counter.
"WHAT THE-!?"
The bottle smashed severely, sending shards of broken glasses and red ketchup sauce to Sanzo's feet and robes.
"HEY! You STINKING feline!!" He reached out to grab her - too late! Sunny has already transformed. She is now in her human form, leaning on the kitchen counter. Without warning, she walked up to Sanzo and gave him a hard, juicy slap across the face.
SLAP!
Sanzo looked aggrieved. He definitely wasn't expecting this. He expected claws, chants, monstrous behaviour, but certainly not a slap! He even forgot to sneeze.
"That was for the garlic. Look at my hair! You made it stand on its ends so badly, it's frizzing!!" she said hotly.
Sanzo goggled at her, still in shock to do anything. He felt a sneeze coming up inside his nose, trying desperately to go out but Sanzo wouldn't have it. Too shocked. She just slapped him for God's sake! A demon slapped a Sanzo! Everyone's gonna be talking about that one for years!
Sunny held her fist in front of his face, "Now, this - " she boxed him hard, and he fainted dead away. " - is for you, for being such an arsehole!! I hate you!" she spat at his helpless body, all covered in red tomato sauce, and walked away.
The real game had just started. The current score is : Sanzo - three. Sunny - 50,453.
to be continued..
This is my favourite chapter! ^^ As you can probably see, there's not much revision done in this ickle chappie here. Now please read on!