Disclaimer :
O, Minekura Kazuya. Do not try to sue me.
I do not own anything to do with Gensomaden Saiyuki.
For I am just an extremely mild-mannered fan
Who watches this particularly interesting anime every 6.30 PM at AXN.

Please, do try to enjoy!

~~~~~~~~
chapter five.


It was early morning, and Sanzo woke up in his room in dire need to punch somebody's face.

Sunny's especially.

He felt bruised and battered all over. Well, not all over, just around the nose where Sunny boxed him last night.

He rubbed his nose – ow! That demon sure packs a punch. With that punch, his nose should've been broken but he guessed Hakkai managed to heal it. Oh, hell.

Sanzo relived the mortifying events in his mind and shuddered.

One mere punch was all it took for him to go down. One. Unbelievable, but true. Sanzo went down by a single punch. From a demon. A demon woman. Aaaarghh!!!!

Never underestimate the strength of a woman, they say. True. And I totally agree, being a fair maiden myself. They just hadn't mentioned this whole demon thing to Sanzo. And since Sanzo was never a big fan of demons – or women for that matter – or demon women – especially demon women!! – it simply gutted him. Thoroughly.

Ooooooh… the shame!! He thinks he cannot stand!

He began plucking the feathers of his pillow besottedly. Curse it if the hotel owner doesn't like flat pillows! Sanzo had paid for his stay. And the innkeeper – whoever it is – had assured him that he gets an extremely safe burglar-proof room. But he was in terrible danger last night! Rip off! Want money back! Now!

"Tsk. My pillow's flat." murmured Sanzo bluntly as he felt his pillow. He doesn't like flat pillows either. Bugger it. He dumped his pillow and cheerfully stole Goku's nice, round one.

Sanzo laid his head on his new pillow, wondering how he got into bed last night. Did Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo tucked him in? Disgraceful thought, but most likely. So where are they now? Are they out there somewhere, running after evil Sunny? They better be! Smart men should be able to match the missing clues. Like this,

KOed Sanzo covered in ketchup + no Sunny = Sunny, the dangerous cat demon!!

But with Goku and Gojyo's nut brain it is more likely to end up like this,

KOed Sanzo covered in ketchup + no Sunny = Sunny, the poor, abused kitten who barely escaped Sanzo's wrath!!

Dammit! The whole world is against me!

A small songbird perched by the window and chirped melodically at Sanzo by a way of 'good morning' and pecked the looking glass in what he thought was a friendly way. Well, he thought wrong. The monk turned to the poor bird with *huge* veins popping out his face.

"You too!? Are you against me too!?" he barked furiously, and the bird toppled out of sight. In mad horror, I suppose. Sanzo then literally fell out of bed with vague paranoia, glaring at everything that moved. "Stupid twittering bird…" he mumbled, crawling manfully back into bed.

Don't mind the current grouchiness in our Sanzo, readers. He was just itching to get his hands on Sunny's neck and twist it like twine. Really, really itching! In fact, he was so itching, Sanzo began to scratch his itchy back in a dignified way.

Aaahh… a nice scratch on a horrible itch always does the trick. He felt good already. He began to scratch some more. Uh, wait a minute.

Are we still currently talking about the same 'itch' here?

Scratch. Scratch. (this is the sound of Sanzo's nails violently digging his skin)

Obviously not.

This 'itch', however, somehow involves his outer limits. His physical state. The flawless design of God they call 'skin'. Sanzo turned and stared at the pinky, gluttoned, wrinkled, unnatural substance that suddenly took over his flawless skin.

"Aaargh!!" he yelled. What is this… THING!? That weird, bumpy, pinky THING staring back at him! It couldn't be… it couldn't be his SKIN!!?

No wait, calm down. Sanzo took a deep breath and huffed in and out. That's right.. it must be something else. He must make sure of it, though. He stared at the gluttoned thing and pinched it hard. And it hurt. insert unnecessary gasp here! Oh no!!

It is his skin!!

Sanzo yelled in a high note and ran for his paper fan.

***

"You can stop growling now, Sanzo." said Hakkai in his sweetest voice.

Sanzo growled even more severely, "I have chicken pox!" he stated angrily.

"No, you don't. These are mere rashes, and they are the latest design of your allergies."

"Yeah," piped Gojyo, "Chicken pox are for chickens anyway. Unless you're a – "

Sanzo glared at him, "I dare you to continue that sentence, Gojyo."

"Now, now, Sanzo. Don't you move a muscle." Hakkai opened his first aid kit and took out a small tube of something green, "A doctor in my town once said that allergies can only be handled by this special balm. Spread it on yourself, Sanzo. I'll help if you want."

"No thanks, me and myself will do."

"Oh, let him Sanzo," drawled Gojyo, "Hakkai loves playing doctor." he said, and Hakkai clapped furiously at this.

"Silence! I will not let anyone touch me but myself!" He took the small tube and in no time he was covered in green gunk, looking more like The Thing That Ate Manhattan than a high-ranked monk. It was hard to tell under the green stuff, but I could've sworn he gave Hakkai an incredulous look. "Damn, I feel awful. You'd better not be messing around with me, Hakkai!!"

"Of course not, Sanzo. Why would – "

The door suddenly slammed opened and a flash of brown hair came running in, smelling of freshly-peeled potatoes and beetroot. "I made lunch!" Goku yelled happily. Then, after glimpsing a spark of blond hair from between Hakkai and Gojyo he yelled some more with an added joy in his voice.

"Oooh – is Sanzo awake yet? I wanna see! I wanna see!" Goku popped his head between Hakkai and Gojyo for a closer look at Sanzo – and shut his mouth to stop himself from puking. Sanzo saw this but just raised his green eyebrow and decided to postpone the little twit's death.

Hakkai closed the first aid box and sighed, "Sanzo, Sanzo. Things like these really does happen to you. What happened anyway? Last night when we came home we found you knocked out on the kitchen floor, all covered in ketchup – mind you, we thought it was blood at first. Then this morning when we came back from searching Sunny – with disastrous failure might I add – you were swatting the mirror with your paper fan and yelling quite loudly. Alone. Alone means something don't you think?"

"We almost checked you in to that nice big hotel down the road they call Mental Hospital." added Gojyo gleefully, "We have a friend there, by the way. He checked in last night after our hubbub at the bar, right Hakkai? We call him the Bar Owner. You should reconsider it, Sanzo, he'd be a nice roommate."

"I can explain." Sanzo hissed through gritted teeth. All eyes were suddenly set on him. "Uh, maybe later. So, Hakkai. Allergies, eh? About these allergies. Can't you just invert them to sneezing-only instead? These really itches, and looking at myself in the mirror ruins my appetite."

"Like it ruined mine.." choked the monkey boy sadly.

Hakkai chuckled dearly, "This is no computer, Sanzo. I'm afraid that would be defying the law of God."

"Your God, maybe. Just make that old hag, Kanzeonbosatsu do it, bully her or something but do it quick!!" he snapped fiercely and an angry flash of lightning striked not far from there. He paused at the noise and then decided to rant some more,

"Darn allergies – tsk! Is it because of that damned cat again!? She will pay! She will die until she is sorry! I'll make sure of that!! Oh, and remind me to torture information out of her before killing her the next time we see her, Hakkai, because you might not know this but she is actually a d– "

"On the contrary, Sanzo!" interjected Hakkai politely, "This reaction is probably because Sunny is not here anymore."

Deafening silence.

"Explain yourself!" Sanzo yelled, "Or I'll kill you!" he added, just to add a touch of Sanzo-ness in his sentence.

Hakkai nodded and re-checked his medication list that suddenly popped out of nowhere, "According to my calculations, your body has gotten this odd reaction – or should I say, bond – with little Sunny, Sanzo." he kept on smilling as Sanzo gawked fearfully, "Your skin will rash violently as a way of protest if it is kept away from Sunny for too long."

Sanzo's mouth opened and closed without a sound.

"Aha," Hakkai said, raising a finger,"'It's not logic!' was that what you were going to say, Sanzo?" he then laughed gleefully.

"muh," replied Sanzo wearily as a way of saying 'yes'. His tongue had strangely tied itself into a tight knot when Hakkai said the word 'bond'.

Moreover when the term 'little Sunny', 'body', and 'Sanzo' came in the same sentence.

It sounded horribly frightening! These words does not belong together! Unless, of course, if you use it in the sentence 'Sanzo bonds little Sunny's brain and body with a tree'.

Sounds exciting.

But what Hakkai said! That doesn't sound exciting at all!!

Sanzo closed his mouth for good and glared at Hakkai, just to make himself feel better. "Right, bond. Like that's a word. Okay, then." he said peevishly, "Is there any cure?"

Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku looked at each other secretively before shouting out in unison, "We must go and find Sunny, of course!!"

Sanzo glared at them all as if they have gone mad, "No, I meant the bond thing you bunch of dweebs! Is there any cure for my body to NOT be bonded with that darn cat?"

"Oh." They all looked somehow upset.

"I'm afraid not, Sanzo." replied Hakkai, a weary smile on his face. "It is a matter of body genetics and anatomic reactions where the adrenaline rush is equivalent to the brain cells of the great division – "

"Please, skip ahead."

" – in other words, it is impossible."

Sanzo looked as if he was suddenly sucked into a black hole. He looked as if he was about to die. He wished he was though.

"No!" he yelled desperately, fighting down the urge to poke a gun on the side of his head. Then he sighed. No. He was being insane. How stupid could he be? Letting Sunny pollute his mind like that! His death wouldn't change anything. But he could change something by living.

He could kill Sunny for one thing and change his vengeance into pure joyfulness. Hahaha!!

Uh, okay, perish the disastrously evil thought there.

Sanzo scratched his itchy back with one hand gracefully. "Fine," he snorted and laid down on his – Goku's! – pillow, "Go find Sunny."

Goku's eyes suddenly lit up, "Find Sunny? Y-you want Sunny to be found!? Does that mean you like her now!?"

"Of course not, stupid monkey!!"

"Oh, but you will!"

Sanzo's hand searched blindly for his gun, wanting desperately to fire some lessons into Goku's dinosaur brain, but didn't manage to find it from under the green gunk blocking his eyesight. Curse on you all!! He swore mentally, then glared back at the trio standing beside his bed. "Hm? What are you waiting for? Are you going to find Sunny or not!?"

"Aren't you - "

He held up his paper fan threateningly, "Just SHUT UP and GO!!!!"

So exit Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku, leaving a trail of dust behind them.

***

As human-form Sunny sauntered by the morning streets, hundreds of heads turned to her. Many jaws dropped at the sight of her, and many men swooned at the sound of her dainty, melodical footsteps. Sunny beamed brightly and walked in the-ground-is-so-lucky-I'm-walking-on-it kind of way.

"One here, another one there - Ooooh! Dashingly gorgeous one over there!" thought Sunny as she eyed her handsome spectators (ugly ones are immediately black-listed), partly hoping that several would come and talk her into a cup of coffee. To her ghastly doom, the ones who did happens to be they of The Vicious and Hideous Ones.

Sunny gaped in horror as a crooked man with a crooked nose, crooked tooth, crooked everything went up to her and waved flirtatiously, "Hi gorgeous…"

"Go away! I find you unattractive!" Sunny snapped, and she fled.

Once alone, Sunny twitched the cat-bell power control device on her neck crankily. It was ridiculous how men brood over her. Of course, she knew exactly how charming and attractive she is. But can't beauty choose? If she could have one wish, she would wish for a nice, dependable demon who is not blonde, not corrupt, not sour-faced, not droopy eyed… everything a certain someone is not.

Sunny shook her head, feeling absurd with herself. This is what happens when you hate someone too much! You start comparing him with all the good guys in the world. All the good guys in the world that does not mess with your hair!

She twirled her beautifully frizzed hair and sighed. It was time to go to the hairdresser anyway, she thought as she entered the Tobacco Salon. Sunny comes here every week and is well acquainted with the owner, who is neither a man nor a woman.

"Darling!" the man/woman exclaimed in surprise. "Already now? It's only been four days since your last visit!" the person with the unidentified sex stroked Sunny's hair lovingly and gasped almost immediately, "Darling! Your hair! It's frizzed!!"

Sunny sighed, "Yes, it is. It's not my fault, though." she added quickly. "A demon attacked me. You know, those ugly, blonde kind of demons."

"Poor darling! They attacked your hair!? They're the worst kind!"

"They are, believe me." there was a dazed moment when Sunny thought, Whee. I'm lying. Then she quickly brushed her hair back and said, "That is why my hair needs your treatment - now!"

The man/woman glanced at his/her watch and sighed frustatedly, "I'm sorry Dear, but I don't think I can treat your hair now. I have a meeting with my girls in fifteen minutes!"

Sunny looked crestfallen.

"Your girls!?" she managed to squeak. "But my hair needs you!!"

"Well, there's always my new assistant.." he/she clapped her hands together, "Yes, that's it! Sha will treat your hair today! Sha! Sha, come here dear! Come on!"

"Sha? She'd better be a pro! I can't stand it if a plebeian touches my hair-- "

Before Sunny could do anything more, the hairdresser kissed her cheek and went off, waving a "Ta-ta!", leaving Sunny to gape after her/his trail and gape even wider as she turned to face the hairdresser's apprentice.

"You!!" blurted Sunny.

The assistant smiled lop-sidedly at her, his long red hair shimmered macho-ly in the light, "Hello there, young lady. Allow me to introduce myself,"

"Argh!" she jumped in surprise.

"I will be treating your hair today,"

"Argh!" she pointed a finger at him scathingly.

The assistant's crimson eyes flashed dramatically, "The name is Gojyo. Sha Gojyo."

to be continued..

Thank you for reading the revised edition of Feline Fatale! The next and newest chapter will hopefully come in a few weeks.. in the meantime, do tell me what you think!

You will review. You want to review. You can do it! C'mon, I know you can!