SCENE SIXTEEN- Princess Mia's Evil Plan
(CUT TO: PRINCESS MIA in a gazebo typing on a computer.)
Narrator 2: Princess Mia was sad because she wasn't the queen. So she decided to formulate an evil plan. (PRINCESS MIA's computer in the gazebo makes typing noises.) Princess Mia made an evil plan to kill Princess Leia so she, Princess Mia, could be the queen instead of Princess Leia being the queen.
Narrator 1: But then Storm overheard the typing noises! (STORM walks past the castle and hears PRINCESS MIA typing, so she sneaks up to the gazebo and watches PRINCESS MIA type.)
Storm: Oh my goodness, what is she typing?
Narrator 2: She snuck to the gazebo and watched.
Storm: Oh my goodness, she's going to kill Princess Leia! I have to go warn Sailor Moon! (PRINCESS MIA notices STORM and goes to try and stop her)
Princess Mia: NO! Don't do that! Come be evil with me!
Storm: I've chosen a side, and I chose the side of good. Haha. (runs to SERENA's house, where SERENA is playing piano with PARIS.)
Princess Mia: Grrr you.
Narrator 2: And so Storm ran off to go tell Sailor Moon so they could go save the world. (STORM enters SERENA's house.) But Paris was there giving Serena a piano lesson.
Storm: Hi, everyone! Princess Mia is going to try to kill Princess Leia so she can be the queen!
Paris, Serena: GASP!
Storm: I'm here to ask you guys if you'll help me save the world from Princess Mia trying to kill Princess Leia!
(Music sounding suspiciously like the "Love Boat" song starts to play and SERENA transforms into SAILOR MOON. The music says "Sailor Moon!" about every three seconds so you can tell that it's Sailor Moon music instead of the "Love Boat" theme song.)
Paris: Gasp! You're Sailor Moon! Even though I already knew that! Let's go save the world! (PARIS, SAILOR MOON, and STORM run over to PRINCESS MIA's house.)
Sailor Moon: Just because you want to be the queen doesn't mean you can kill Princess Leia!
Storm: You can't kill Princess Leia, Princess Mia!
Paris: Instead you're going to go to jail!
Narrator 2: So Monica's Porsche gave Princess Mia a ride to jail. Except for Princess Mia was too young to go to normal jail, so she went to juvie hall.
(screen dissolves into a picture of PRINCESS MIA at juvie hall. There are six middle-school kids sitting on benches. It is assumed they are going to watch PRINCESS MIA's trial. The six kids are MAREN, JACK, JOI, BRYNNA, MICAELA, and JEN. Their teacher MRS. COBB is there too.)
Jack: Hi, we're kids from Howard Street Charter School. We're on a field trip to juvie hall.
Narrator 1: Don't get confused, that was Jack Freeman talking, not Jack Sparrow.
Princess Mia: I'm being tried here. I guess you're watching my trial.
Maren: Yep. I guess we are.
Princess Mia: (eyes them suspiciously) Why do you guys remind me of people from Happyland?
Micaela: Gee, I just don't know.
Princess Mia: Okay. I'm going to sit here and be on trial now. (PRINCESS MIA sits at a table in front of the judges' podium thingy.)
Joi: You do that.
Brynna: Why isn't the judge here yet?
Jen: I don't know.
Mrs. Cobb: Here comes the judge! (JUDGE enters.)
Judge: All rise. (everyone rises.) All seated. (everyone sits.) All rise. (everyone rises.) All seated. (everyone sits.) All rise. (everyone rises) All seated. (everyone sits. JUDGE sits at her podium thingy. JUDGE'S ASSISTANT enters with a folder.)
Judge's Assistant: And now we have Princess Mia on trial for trying to kill Princess Leia. And having a Blood Alcohol Count of O.30.
Jack: 0.30? That's a lot.
Joi: No kidding.
Jen: What was she drinking?
Judge's Assistant: Her record shows she was drinking a half-gallon of vodka. Straight.
Maren: Not even with ice or anything?
Judge's Assistant: Not even in a martini.
Brynna: Wow. I'm surprised she didn't DIE.
Princess Mia: (groans.)
Narrator 1: The trial ended. She was guilty. (PRINCESS MIA exits, being escorted into juvie by the JUDGE'S ASSISTANT.) So she went off to juvie.
Judge: All rise. (everyone rises.) All seated. (everyone sits.) All rise. (everyone rises.) All seated. (everyone sits.) All rise. (everyone rises) All seated. (everyone sits.)
Narrator 2: Then the judge left. (JUDGE exits.)
Micaela: Why did she make us do that?
Mrs. Cobb: I think she just liked being able to have that power over us.
Narrator 2: So Maren, Joi, and Jack played the finger game. (MAREN, JOI and JACK play the finger game. If you have no idea what that is, don't worry, I don't know either.)
Maren: Ooh, one.
Joi: Darn it.
Jack: You got me out.
Narrator 2: And Micaela, Brynna and Jen talked about Grease.
Jen: I love Grease.
Micaela: I watched Grease like 10 times in one weekend once.
Brynna: Wow. That must have been psycho.
Narrator 1: And then Sandy appeared out of nowhere and started singing.
(SANDY appears out of nowhere. JACK FREEMAN sings too.)
Jack: Summer lovin', had me a blast.
Sandy: Summer lovin', happened so fast.
Jack: Met a girl, crazy for me.
Sandy: Met a boy, cute as could be.
Both: Summer days driftin' away, but oh, oh those summer nights.
Narrator 2: Don't be confused. It was Jack Freeman singing. Not Jack Sparrow. Jack Freeman.
(CUT TO: TZEITEL in the barn milking.)
Narrator 1: Tzeitel was in the barn milking.
(CUT TO: TZEITEL in the barn milking at a different angle.)
Narrator 1: Tzeitel was in the barn milking.
(CUT TO: TZEITEL in the barn milking at a different angle.)
Narrator 1: Tzeitel was in the barn milking.
(CUT TO: TZEITEL in the barn milking at a different angle.)
Narrator 1: Tzeitel was in the barn milking.
(CUT TO: JANET in bed in the dark. Once again the lights are NOT filtered red. I bet I had you fooled there again. Or not. JANET wakes up, clearly startled. The entire bit at juvie hall was in JANET'S dream, and didn't really happen. I repeat, all of the stuff with the Howard St. kids didn't really happen. Haha.)
Narrator 1: Janet realized that all of the stuff with the Howard St. people was a dream.
Narrator 2: Princess Mia really did go to juvie hall, but the Howard St. people weren't really there watching her trial.
Narrator 1: She was just having a bad dream.
Narrator 2: About the Howard St. people watching Princess Mia's juvie hall trial.
Janet: That was a crazy dream. (crying, startled) If only Brad, or Frankie, or Rocky were here! (she cries a lot.)
Narrator 2: Janet was sad, because she missed her lovers. (she continues to cry)
(CUT TO: PRINCESS MIA in a gazebo typing on a computer.)
Narrator 2: Princess Mia was sad because she wasn't the queen. So she decided to formulate an evil plan. (PRINCESS MIA's computer in the gazebo makes typing noises.) Princess Mia made an evil plan to kill Princess Leia so she, Princess Mia, could be the queen instead of Princess Leia being the queen.
Narrator 1: But then Storm overheard the typing noises! (STORM walks past the castle and hears PRINCESS MIA typing, so she sneaks up to the gazebo and watches PRINCESS MIA type.)
Storm: Oh my goodness, what is she typing?
Narrator 2: She snuck to the gazebo and watched.
Storm: Oh my goodness, she's going to kill Princess Leia! I have to go warn Sailor Moon! (PRINCESS MIA notices STORM and goes to try and stop her)
Princess Mia: NO! Don't do that! Come be evil with me!
Storm: I've chosen a side, and I chose the side of good. Haha. (runs to SERENA's house, where SERENA is playing piano with PARIS.)
Princess Mia: Grrr you.
Narrator 2: And so Storm ran off to go tell Sailor Moon so they could go save the world. (STORM enters SERENA's house.) But Paris was there giving Serena a piano lesson.
Storm: Hi, everyone! Princess Mia is going to try to kill Princess Leia so she can be the queen!
Paris, Serena: GASP!
Storm: I'm here to ask you guys if you'll help me save the world from Princess Mia trying to kill Princess Leia!
(Music sounding suspiciously like the "Love Boat" song starts to play and SERENA transforms into SAILOR MOON. The music says "Sailor Moon!" about every three seconds so you can tell that it's Sailor Moon music instead of the "Love Boat" theme song.)
Paris: Gasp! You're Sailor Moon! Even though I already knew that! Let's go save the world! (PARIS, SAILOR MOON, and STORM run over to PRINCESS MIA's house.)
Sailor Moon: Just because you want to be the queen doesn't mean you can kill Princess Leia!
Storm: You can't kill Princess Leia, Princess Mia!
Paris: Instead you're going to go to jail!
Narrator 2: So Monica's Porsche gave Princess Mia a ride to jail. Except for Princess Mia was too young to go to normal jail, so she went to juvie hall.
(screen dissolves into a picture of PRINCESS MIA at juvie hall. There are six middle-school kids sitting on benches. It is assumed they are going to watch PRINCESS MIA's trial. The six kids are MAREN, JACK, JOI, BRYNNA, MICAELA, and JEN. Their teacher MRS. COBB is there too.)
Jack: Hi, we're kids from Howard Street Charter School. We're on a field trip to juvie hall.
Narrator 1: Don't get confused, that was Jack Freeman talking, not Jack Sparrow.
Princess Mia: I'm being tried here. I guess you're watching my trial.
Maren: Yep. I guess we are.
Princess Mia: (eyes them suspiciously) Why do you guys remind me of people from Happyland?
Micaela: Gee, I just don't know.
Princess Mia: Okay. I'm going to sit here and be on trial now. (PRINCESS MIA sits at a table in front of the judges' podium thingy.)
Joi: You do that.
Brynna: Why isn't the judge here yet?
Jen: I don't know.
Mrs. Cobb: Here comes the judge! (JUDGE enters.)
Judge: All rise. (everyone rises.) All seated. (everyone sits.) All rise. (everyone rises.) All seated. (everyone sits.) All rise. (everyone rises) All seated. (everyone sits. JUDGE sits at her podium thingy. JUDGE'S ASSISTANT enters with a folder.)
Judge's Assistant: And now we have Princess Mia on trial for trying to kill Princess Leia. And having a Blood Alcohol Count of O.30.
Jack: 0.30? That's a lot.
Joi: No kidding.
Jen: What was she drinking?
Judge's Assistant: Her record shows she was drinking a half-gallon of vodka. Straight.
Maren: Not even with ice or anything?
Judge's Assistant: Not even in a martini.
Brynna: Wow. I'm surprised she didn't DIE.
Princess Mia: (groans.)
Narrator 1: The trial ended. She was guilty. (PRINCESS MIA exits, being escorted into juvie by the JUDGE'S ASSISTANT.) So she went off to juvie.
Judge: All rise. (everyone rises.) All seated. (everyone sits.) All rise. (everyone rises.) All seated. (everyone sits.) All rise. (everyone rises) All seated. (everyone sits.)
Narrator 2: Then the judge left. (JUDGE exits.)
Micaela: Why did she make us do that?
Mrs. Cobb: I think she just liked being able to have that power over us.
Narrator 2: So Maren, Joi, and Jack played the finger game. (MAREN, JOI and JACK play the finger game. If you have no idea what that is, don't worry, I don't know either.)
Maren: Ooh, one.
Joi: Darn it.
Jack: You got me out.
Narrator 2: And Micaela, Brynna and Jen talked about Grease.
Jen: I love Grease.
Micaela: I watched Grease like 10 times in one weekend once.
Brynna: Wow. That must have been psycho.
Narrator 1: And then Sandy appeared out of nowhere and started singing.
(SANDY appears out of nowhere. JACK FREEMAN sings too.)
Jack: Summer lovin', had me a blast.
Sandy: Summer lovin', happened so fast.
Jack: Met a girl, crazy for me.
Sandy: Met a boy, cute as could be.
Both: Summer days driftin' away, but oh, oh those summer nights.
Narrator 2: Don't be confused. It was Jack Freeman singing. Not Jack Sparrow. Jack Freeman.
(CUT TO: TZEITEL in the barn milking.)
Narrator 1: Tzeitel was in the barn milking.
(CUT TO: TZEITEL in the barn milking at a different angle.)
Narrator 1: Tzeitel was in the barn milking.
(CUT TO: TZEITEL in the barn milking at a different angle.)
Narrator 1: Tzeitel was in the barn milking.
(CUT TO: TZEITEL in the barn milking at a different angle.)
Narrator 1: Tzeitel was in the barn milking.
(CUT TO: JANET in bed in the dark. Once again the lights are NOT filtered red. I bet I had you fooled there again. Or not. JANET wakes up, clearly startled. The entire bit at juvie hall was in JANET'S dream, and didn't really happen. I repeat, all of the stuff with the Howard St. kids didn't really happen. Haha.)
Narrator 1: Janet realized that all of the stuff with the Howard St. people was a dream.
Narrator 2: Princess Mia really did go to juvie hall, but the Howard St. people weren't really there watching her trial.
Narrator 1: She was just having a bad dream.
Narrator 2: About the Howard St. people watching Princess Mia's juvie hall trial.
Janet: That was a crazy dream. (crying, startled) If only Brad, or Frankie, or Rocky were here! (she cries a lot.)
Narrator 2: Janet was sad, because she missed her lovers. (she continues to cry)