SCENE EIGHTEEN- Princess Leia Comes to Her Senses
(CUT TO: PRINCESS LEIA and JACK SPARROW in the castle courtyard.)
Narrator 2: Princess Leia decided she didn't really like Jack Sparrow any more.
Narrator 1: She realized he was just using her to be royalty.
Narrator 2: So she slapped him. (PRINCESS LEIA slaps JACK SPARROW.)
Jack Sparrow: I think I might have deserved that one.
Princess Leia: No frickin' kidding.
Narrator 2: (contemplatively) He deserves a lot of the slaps he gets.
Narrator 1: Shame, shame.
Narrator 2: (as JACK SPARROW saunters without direction down the boulevard, stopping in front of JANET'S house, where JANET is outside, murmuring something to herself about how it's raining. It's not raining. However, it is sort of dark.) So Jack Sparrow went off.
Jack Sparrow: (to JANET) Hi, Janet.
Janet: Hi. Who are you?
Jack Sparrow: (lying blatantly, but affecting a very "Brad" voice) I'm Brad.
Janet: (falling for it, because she misses Brad just that much) Really?
Jack Sparrow: Um, yeah. Sure. Let's go make out. (You would think that JANET would realize it wasn't Brad by that statement alone, but she doesn't.)
Narrator 1: So they made out in the barn Tzeitel wasn't in milking.
Narrator 2: Cause Janet thought that Jack Sparrow was her Brad darling.
(CUT TO: ELLE sitting in her beach chair.)
Narrator 2: Elle went to go swim. But instead of swimming she walked past the swimming pool.
Narrator 1: Wow, shocker.
Narrator 2: She stood on the front steps of her house that wasn't really her house, it was Janet's house, and she didn't pay any rent.
Narrator 1: Then she decided to go in the barn and see if Tzeitel was there milking. It never occurred to her that Tzeitel was in the other barn.
Narrator 2: Elle was very dense.
Elle: (seeing JACK SPARROW and JANET, gasps) You guys are sleeping together in the haystacks!
Janet: This is my fiancé Brad!
Narrator 2: Dense as she was, even Elle knew that it was Jack Sparrow.
Elle: No it isn't, it's Jack Sparrow.
Janet: Ooh. (Slaps JACK SPARROW)
Jack Sparrow: I think I deserved that too.
Narrator 1: So Janet left, and Elle and Jack Sparrow went in the swimming pool and made out. (ELLE and JACK SPARROW go in the pool and make out. Once again, you can hear very faint sounds of people singing "Don't dream it, be it" over and over again.)
Elle: I love you, Jack Sparrow.
Jack Sparrow: I love you too, Elle Woods.
Narrator 2: He was drunk.
Narrator 1: And Odette the swan was there, and she was like, gasp! They're in the pool.
Narrator 2: Everyone thought she was a lawn decoration, so they didn't care that she was there watching them.
Odette: Gasp! They're making out! In the pool!
(CUT TO: PRINCESS LEIA and JACK SPARROW in the castle courtyard.)
Narrator 2: Princess Leia decided she didn't really like Jack Sparrow any more.
Narrator 1: She realized he was just using her to be royalty.
Narrator 2: So she slapped him. (PRINCESS LEIA slaps JACK SPARROW.)
Jack Sparrow: I think I might have deserved that one.
Princess Leia: No frickin' kidding.
Narrator 2: (contemplatively) He deserves a lot of the slaps he gets.
Narrator 1: Shame, shame.
Narrator 2: (as JACK SPARROW saunters without direction down the boulevard, stopping in front of JANET'S house, where JANET is outside, murmuring something to herself about how it's raining. It's not raining. However, it is sort of dark.) So Jack Sparrow went off.
Jack Sparrow: (to JANET) Hi, Janet.
Janet: Hi. Who are you?
Jack Sparrow: (lying blatantly, but affecting a very "Brad" voice) I'm Brad.
Janet: (falling for it, because she misses Brad just that much) Really?
Jack Sparrow: Um, yeah. Sure. Let's go make out. (You would think that JANET would realize it wasn't Brad by that statement alone, but she doesn't.)
Narrator 1: So they made out in the barn Tzeitel wasn't in milking.
Narrator 2: Cause Janet thought that Jack Sparrow was her Brad darling.
(CUT TO: ELLE sitting in her beach chair.)
Narrator 2: Elle went to go swim. But instead of swimming she walked past the swimming pool.
Narrator 1: Wow, shocker.
Narrator 2: She stood on the front steps of her house that wasn't really her house, it was Janet's house, and she didn't pay any rent.
Narrator 1: Then she decided to go in the barn and see if Tzeitel was there milking. It never occurred to her that Tzeitel was in the other barn.
Narrator 2: Elle was very dense.
Elle: (seeing JACK SPARROW and JANET, gasps) You guys are sleeping together in the haystacks!
Janet: This is my fiancé Brad!
Narrator 2: Dense as she was, even Elle knew that it was Jack Sparrow.
Elle: No it isn't, it's Jack Sparrow.
Janet: Ooh. (Slaps JACK SPARROW)
Jack Sparrow: I think I deserved that too.
Narrator 1: So Janet left, and Elle and Jack Sparrow went in the swimming pool and made out. (ELLE and JACK SPARROW go in the pool and make out. Once again, you can hear very faint sounds of people singing "Don't dream it, be it" over and over again.)
Elle: I love you, Jack Sparrow.
Jack Sparrow: I love you too, Elle Woods.
Narrator 2: He was drunk.
Narrator 1: And Odette the swan was there, and she was like, gasp! They're in the pool.
Narrator 2: Everyone thought she was a lawn decoration, so they didn't care that she was there watching them.
Odette: Gasp! They're making out! In the pool!