SCENE TWENTY- Janet's Shock Treatment (That Includes Nothing From "Shock
Treatment", Cause I Haven't Seen It, But the Title Sounded Good.)
(CUT TO: HERMIA, GINNY, KIM and GERDA in JANET'S attic. JANET is coming up the attic stairs.)
Narrator 1: Janet heard rustling in her attic, so she went up to see what it was. She found the four of them talking about their boyfriends.
Janet: (sees HERMIA, GINNY, KIM and GERDA) Why are you in my attic?
Kim: We were just talking about our boyfriends. (sighs dreamily, as if thinking about her boyfriend HUGO.)
Janet: Oh. I love that subject. (sighs nostalgically)
Gerda: Really?
Janet: Yeah. I miss my fiancé.
Ginny: What was his name?
Janet: His name was Brad.
Hermia: Ooh, very cute name.
Janet: And then there was Frankie. And Rocky. (tears up a little)
Gerda: Who were Frankie and Rocky?
Janet: Rocky is this guy I met at a castle, and Frankie was there too. (giggles) Actually, Frankie seduced me... but it was quite fun. (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA look positively aghast at the mention of seduction, being pure little girls, but interested in general.)
Kim: And then what happened?
Janet: And then I went into the other room and saw Rocky, and he was hurt. So I healed his wounds... with fabric from my skirt.
Ginny: Oh, goodness! (being the youngest of the four girls, she is more pure than the rest, and all of this talk proves to be a bit much for her, even though she is fourteen freaking years old)
Janet: It was romantic.
Hermia: This sounds like a very interesting story, Janet.
Kim: Why don't you start at the very beginning.
Gerda: And tell us EVERYTHING.
Ginny: Yes.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: TELL US ABOUT IT, JANET!
Narrator 2: Janet was a bit shocked by the déjà vu, but started at the very beginning of her story. (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA all make themselves comfortable, as does JANET.)
Janet: Okay. Well, it all started at my friend Betty Munroe's wedding. She got married to her longtime boyfriend Ralph Hapshatt, who just so happened to be my boyfriend Brad's best friend. After their wedding, which was a little boring, but oh, it was wonderful, and Betty looked radiantly beautiful... well, after their wedding, Brad proposed to me!
Hermia, Kim, Ginny and Gerda: Oh, how romantic!
Janet: He sang to me! He sang a song that he must have made up right on the spot, but it was so cute! And I sang back to him. After he gave me the ring, I looked at it, and I said, "Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe had!" and then there were these people dressed like the painting "American Gothic" who said, "Oh Brad!" And then I sang, (she sings) "Now we're engaged and I'm so glad." (she stops singing) And the caretakers said "Oh Brad!" again. And then I sang, (singing) "That you met mom and you know dad!" (stops singing) And the caretakers said "Oh Brad!" again. And then I sang, (sings) "I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too."
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (Sighing) Oh, how sweet!
Janet: (sighs with romantic nostalgia) And we decided to go see the man who began it, our old science teacher Dr. Scott, because we met in his class and he was always a friend to the both of us. So later that night, Brad started to drive us to Dr. Scott's house. It was raining, and there were three motorcyclists that passed us. We came to a dead end and we started to turn around and go back the other way, but there was this bang. I said, "What was the bang?" And Brad realized our tire had a flat.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (Looking horrified) Oh, how perfectly awful!
Janet: So we had to walk back to this castle we passed on the way to ask for help. In the rain! (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA shudder) And the guy who answered the door didn't know it was raining. He was like, "You're wet," like it was some big surprise. And I was like, "Well, yes, it's raining!" And he invited us to come in. We had to use their telephone to call for help.
Kim: (gets excited) Telephone? Telephone? Oh my God! Where!? (HERMIA and GINNY pull her back to her seat and shut her up so JANET can continue her story.)
Janet: And then the guy who opened the door, his name was Riff-Raff, he said that the master of the house was having a party, and I was trying to be polite, so I said "Lucky him." But then this creepy lady, her name was Magenta, slid down the banister and said, "I'm lucky, he's lucky, you're lucky, we're all lucky!" and laughed like she was crazy. That was creepy...
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: Then wha' happened? (they say this like the guy from "A Mighty Wind", because they feel like it.)
Janet: And they started singing and they danced. Then they took us in a room where there was a group of weird people, and they all sang. I don't exactly remember what happened after that... I passed out. But then my Brad darling revived me, and they danced. Something about a jump to the left and a step to the right... anyway, I passed out again. But then my Brad darling revived me again, and Magenta and Riff-Raff were singing, and then Riff-Raff offered us a donut. We declined politely. We were always very polite. But then I passed out again, because Riff-Raff said the 's' word. (GERDA, HERMIA, KIM and GINNY have wide eyes at that.)
Gerda: Which 's' word?
Hermia: Sex?
Kim: Slut?
Ginny: Sh*t? (She is accordingly bleeped out as GERDA, HERMIA and KIM look at her, positively aghast. Again.)
Janet: No. Sedation.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp widely. Apparently, "sedation" is a very naughty word.)
Narrator 2: They were all very astounded.
Narrator 1: Cause they didn't like sedation.
Janet: (continuing) So my Brad darling revived me again, and when I was revived, there was a girl on a jukebox and she sang too. And then she tap- danced and fell over, and they all danced some more. They pretended to pass out when they were done, and I told my Brad darling to "Say something."
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: What did he say?
Janet: He asked them if they knew how to Madison.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: Did they?
Janet: No. (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA don't look particularly surprised.) And then this man came in from an elevator. He sang a song about himself being a "Sweet Transvestite". I passed out again. Cause he was a transvestite.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) A TRANSVESTITE?
Janet: Yes, a transvestite. That was terrifying. That guy was Frankie. I sort of ended up liking him... but that's later. It was interesting, though. Really, all we wanted to do was use the telephone...
Kim: (getting excited) Telephone? Telephone? Oh my God! Where!? (HERMIA and GINNY pull her into her seat and shut her up as JANET continues her story.)
Janet: So then Magenta and Riff-Raff started undressing us and they handed our clothes to Columbia, that's the girl who was sitting on the jukebox, and she was a little interesting too... she really liked sparkles. And she flipped our clothes all over the floor, and then they took us up to Frankie's lab in only our underwear.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) ONLY YOUR UNDERWEAR?
Janet: Only our underwear. And so they took us in our underwear up to the transvestite's laboratory, and in the laboratory Frankie started flirting. He asked Brad and I if we had any tattoos.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny and Gerda: (gasp) TATTOOS?
Janet: But we don't have any tattoos, so it was all right. Frankie was making a man, and that man turned out to be Rocky. Rocky sang a song, and all he was wearing was a golden speedo. He had lots of muscles. (JANET blushes at the memory and sighs happily.) Then Frankie was all, "I just love success," and Riff-Raff was like, "He is a credit to your genius." And Magenta was all, "He is a triumph of your will." And Columbia was like, "He's okay!" And that really pissed off Frankie, so he asked me what I thought of Rocky, and I loved my Brad darling so much, I said, "I don't like men with too many muscles." So Frankie got mad, and he sang a song to Rocky. And then a guy named Eddie came out of a freezer on a motorcycle.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) A MOTORCYCLE?
Janet: A motorcycle. And he sang about rock and roll. He was Columbia's boyfriend. But so was Frankie, so Frankie killed Eddie with an ice pick. (JANET doesn't really seem that disturbed by the situation, so HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA figure there is worse to come.)
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) FRANKIE KILLED EDDIE WITH AN ICE PICK?
Janet: (she nods solemnly) And then Frankie continued to sing to Rocky, and before I knew it, I was singing too. I sang, "I'm a muscle fan!" My Brad darling didn't like that too much. And then we were put in separate rooms for the night.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) SEPARATE ROOMS?
Janet: And then Frankie dressed up like Brad, and pretended he was Brad, and then he... (starts crying, although we're not sure if it's cause she missed Brad or Frankie) He...
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: What did he do?
Janet: He... HE SEDUCED ME!
Hermia, Kim, Ginny and Gerda: (gasp) HE SEDUCED YOU?
Janet: He seduced me. (quietly, slightly shamefully) It really wasn't that bad... but I felt so bad when we were done, I went up to the lab in the elevator, because that's the only place the elevator went to. And I discovered that Frankie had seduced my Brad darling too! (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA gasp again, at a loss for words this time.) I felt so betrayed. And then Rocky was hurt, so I used part of my slip to heal his wounds. But then I sort of seduced Rocky. In a tank. I sang about it.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) YOU AND ROCKY DID IT IN A TANK WHILE SINGING?
Janet: It's not something I'm proud of... although, I did sort of enjoy it. (continues her story) Then Frankie discovered us, and Brad discovered us. And then Dr. Scott came!
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: The very same Dr. Scott you meant to visit?
Janet: (sarcastically) No, the other Dr. Scott. Of course the same Dr. Scott. And he was Eddie's uncle. So we all went and had dinner in the middle of the night. But then we found out that we were having Eddie for dinner.
Ginny: (cluelessly) But Eddie died. How could you have him as a dinner guest?
Janet: No, Ginny, not as a guest. I mean, we were eating Eddie for dinner.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) YOU ATE EDDIE?
Janet: Much as it pains me to admit it, yes, they cooked Eddie. And then we sang a song about Eddie. Then Frankie pulled away the tablecloth and revealed Eddie's body under the table. I screamed, and then Frankie got mad at me for taking Rocky away from him, and Frankie chased me up the stairs in an angry fit of rage and sang a song. Brad and Dr. Scott found their way up to the laboratory too, where Frankie eventually chased me. Then he used this thing called a Transducer to stick us to the floor, and we all yelled at him, and then he used this thing called a Medusa switch to turn us into statues, and he turned Columbia and Rocky into statues too, cause Columbia got all pissed off at him, and I don't know why he turned Rocky into a statue, but he did.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: And then what did you do?
Janet: And then we had a Floorshow! Frankie dressed me, Brad, Rocky and Columbia in corsets and fishnets and high heels and feather boas that weren't really feathery and put a bunch of makeup on us, and then one by one we sang as he turned us into non-statues. I sang my solo last, and it was great.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: What did you sing?
Janet: Okay, this is what I sang. (sings) "I feel released, bad times deceased, my confidence has increased, reality is here! The game has been disbanded, my mind has been expanded, it's a gas that Frankie's landed, his lust is so sincere!"
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) You said the 'l' word!
Janet: What 'l' word? (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY, and GERDA look at each other as if to say, who ought to tell her? Finally, HERMIA speaks up.)
Hermia: You know... (whispers) LUST.
Janet: Oh. (giggles) Yes, there was a lot of that going on in the castle that night. I was for Brad, and for Frankie, and for Rocky, and Frankie was for Rocky, and for me, and I think for Brad, and Rocky was for Frankie, and for me, and Columbia was for Eddie, and for Frankie, and Riff-Raff was for Magenta, and Magenta was for Riff-Raff... even though they were brother and sister.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) You mean, they were having INCEST?
Janet: Yes. They were. So anyway, then Frankie sang, and we all jumped in a pool and sang, and Dr. Scott talked... he didn't have on a corset or a boa, but he did have fishnets and high heels... that was a little disturbing. And then we all got out of the pool and sang some more, and we danced too. But then Riff-Raff and Magenta came (you can see looks of "Ewww... they're incestuous" on HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA'S faces as Riff-Raff and Magenta are mentioned) with golden space suits and a laser, and they killed Columbia, and Frankie, and Rocky... (starts crying. GERDA comforts her)
Gerda: It's okay, just keep talking when you're ready...
Janet: (sniffles) All right, I'm fine. I don't think they really died, anyway. Something just tells me they can't be dead! It would be too heartbreaking. And then Riff-Raff and Magenta made me and my Brad darling and Dr. Scott leave the castle, and they beamed the entire castle back to their home planet of Transsexual in the galaxy of Transylvania. And we were stranded in the middle of nowhere in ripped corsets and fishnets and with streaked makeup and we sang... we found our way home though. Back to Denton.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (all in sniffles cause of JANET'S touching story) Oh, how sweet...
Hermia: Hey, do you want to be in our club?
Janet: Sure! (she brightens at this, for no reason at all)
Kim: Will you tell us the story again?
Ginny: Yeah, teach us the songs you sang!
Gerda: Do you remember any of the dances?
Janet: All right, I'll tell you again.
Narrator 1: So she told them again and again, every time in more detail. She taught them the songs and dances she could remember, and all of the lines she could remember too.
Narrator 2: And they were happy, and Hermia, Kim, Ginny and Gerda had Janet in their club, and they all told their stories in depth too: Hermia's of fairies and forests and lovers; Kim's of the teen rockstar Conrad Birdie nearly kissing her on TV; Ginny's of her years at wizarding school; and Gerda's of traipsing across mythical lands to save Kai from the Snow Queen.
Narrator 1: And so they all went around, quoting each other's stories, and confusing the rest of Happyland to no end.
Narrator 2: It was great fun.
(CUT TO: HERMIA, GINNY, KIM and GERDA in JANET'S attic. JANET is coming up the attic stairs.)
Narrator 1: Janet heard rustling in her attic, so she went up to see what it was. She found the four of them talking about their boyfriends.
Janet: (sees HERMIA, GINNY, KIM and GERDA) Why are you in my attic?
Kim: We were just talking about our boyfriends. (sighs dreamily, as if thinking about her boyfriend HUGO.)
Janet: Oh. I love that subject. (sighs nostalgically)
Gerda: Really?
Janet: Yeah. I miss my fiancé.
Ginny: What was his name?
Janet: His name was Brad.
Hermia: Ooh, very cute name.
Janet: And then there was Frankie. And Rocky. (tears up a little)
Gerda: Who were Frankie and Rocky?
Janet: Rocky is this guy I met at a castle, and Frankie was there too. (giggles) Actually, Frankie seduced me... but it was quite fun. (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA look positively aghast at the mention of seduction, being pure little girls, but interested in general.)
Kim: And then what happened?
Janet: And then I went into the other room and saw Rocky, and he was hurt. So I healed his wounds... with fabric from my skirt.
Ginny: Oh, goodness! (being the youngest of the four girls, she is more pure than the rest, and all of this talk proves to be a bit much for her, even though she is fourteen freaking years old)
Janet: It was romantic.
Hermia: This sounds like a very interesting story, Janet.
Kim: Why don't you start at the very beginning.
Gerda: And tell us EVERYTHING.
Ginny: Yes.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: TELL US ABOUT IT, JANET!
Narrator 2: Janet was a bit shocked by the déjà vu, but started at the very beginning of her story. (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA all make themselves comfortable, as does JANET.)
Janet: Okay. Well, it all started at my friend Betty Munroe's wedding. She got married to her longtime boyfriend Ralph Hapshatt, who just so happened to be my boyfriend Brad's best friend. After their wedding, which was a little boring, but oh, it was wonderful, and Betty looked radiantly beautiful... well, after their wedding, Brad proposed to me!
Hermia, Kim, Ginny and Gerda: Oh, how romantic!
Janet: He sang to me! He sang a song that he must have made up right on the spot, but it was so cute! And I sang back to him. After he gave me the ring, I looked at it, and I said, "Oh, it's nicer than Betty Munroe had!" and then there were these people dressed like the painting "American Gothic" who said, "Oh Brad!" And then I sang, (she sings) "Now we're engaged and I'm so glad." (she stops singing) And the caretakers said "Oh Brad!" again. And then I sang, (singing) "That you met mom and you know dad!" (stops singing) And the caretakers said "Oh Brad!" again. And then I sang, (sings) "I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too."
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (Sighing) Oh, how sweet!
Janet: (sighs with romantic nostalgia) And we decided to go see the man who began it, our old science teacher Dr. Scott, because we met in his class and he was always a friend to the both of us. So later that night, Brad started to drive us to Dr. Scott's house. It was raining, and there were three motorcyclists that passed us. We came to a dead end and we started to turn around and go back the other way, but there was this bang. I said, "What was the bang?" And Brad realized our tire had a flat.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (Looking horrified) Oh, how perfectly awful!
Janet: So we had to walk back to this castle we passed on the way to ask for help. In the rain! (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA shudder) And the guy who answered the door didn't know it was raining. He was like, "You're wet," like it was some big surprise. And I was like, "Well, yes, it's raining!" And he invited us to come in. We had to use their telephone to call for help.
Kim: (gets excited) Telephone? Telephone? Oh my God! Where!? (HERMIA and GINNY pull her back to her seat and shut her up so JANET can continue her story.)
Janet: And then the guy who opened the door, his name was Riff-Raff, he said that the master of the house was having a party, and I was trying to be polite, so I said "Lucky him." But then this creepy lady, her name was Magenta, slid down the banister and said, "I'm lucky, he's lucky, you're lucky, we're all lucky!" and laughed like she was crazy. That was creepy...
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: Then wha' happened? (they say this like the guy from "A Mighty Wind", because they feel like it.)
Janet: And they started singing and they danced. Then they took us in a room where there was a group of weird people, and they all sang. I don't exactly remember what happened after that... I passed out. But then my Brad darling revived me, and they danced. Something about a jump to the left and a step to the right... anyway, I passed out again. But then my Brad darling revived me again, and Magenta and Riff-Raff were singing, and then Riff-Raff offered us a donut. We declined politely. We were always very polite. But then I passed out again, because Riff-Raff said the 's' word. (GERDA, HERMIA, KIM and GINNY have wide eyes at that.)
Gerda: Which 's' word?
Hermia: Sex?
Kim: Slut?
Ginny: Sh*t? (She is accordingly bleeped out as GERDA, HERMIA and KIM look at her, positively aghast. Again.)
Janet: No. Sedation.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp widely. Apparently, "sedation" is a very naughty word.)
Narrator 2: They were all very astounded.
Narrator 1: Cause they didn't like sedation.
Janet: (continuing) So my Brad darling revived me again, and when I was revived, there was a girl on a jukebox and she sang too. And then she tap- danced and fell over, and they all danced some more. They pretended to pass out when they were done, and I told my Brad darling to "Say something."
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: What did he say?
Janet: He asked them if they knew how to Madison.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: Did they?
Janet: No. (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA don't look particularly surprised.) And then this man came in from an elevator. He sang a song about himself being a "Sweet Transvestite". I passed out again. Cause he was a transvestite.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) A TRANSVESTITE?
Janet: Yes, a transvestite. That was terrifying. That guy was Frankie. I sort of ended up liking him... but that's later. It was interesting, though. Really, all we wanted to do was use the telephone...
Kim: (getting excited) Telephone? Telephone? Oh my God! Where!? (HERMIA and GINNY pull her into her seat and shut her up as JANET continues her story.)
Janet: So then Magenta and Riff-Raff started undressing us and they handed our clothes to Columbia, that's the girl who was sitting on the jukebox, and she was a little interesting too... she really liked sparkles. And she flipped our clothes all over the floor, and then they took us up to Frankie's lab in only our underwear.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) ONLY YOUR UNDERWEAR?
Janet: Only our underwear. And so they took us in our underwear up to the transvestite's laboratory, and in the laboratory Frankie started flirting. He asked Brad and I if we had any tattoos.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny and Gerda: (gasp) TATTOOS?
Janet: But we don't have any tattoos, so it was all right. Frankie was making a man, and that man turned out to be Rocky. Rocky sang a song, and all he was wearing was a golden speedo. He had lots of muscles. (JANET blushes at the memory and sighs happily.) Then Frankie was all, "I just love success," and Riff-Raff was like, "He is a credit to your genius." And Magenta was all, "He is a triumph of your will." And Columbia was like, "He's okay!" And that really pissed off Frankie, so he asked me what I thought of Rocky, and I loved my Brad darling so much, I said, "I don't like men with too many muscles." So Frankie got mad, and he sang a song to Rocky. And then a guy named Eddie came out of a freezer on a motorcycle.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) A MOTORCYCLE?
Janet: A motorcycle. And he sang about rock and roll. He was Columbia's boyfriend. But so was Frankie, so Frankie killed Eddie with an ice pick. (JANET doesn't really seem that disturbed by the situation, so HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA figure there is worse to come.)
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) FRANKIE KILLED EDDIE WITH AN ICE PICK?
Janet: (she nods solemnly) And then Frankie continued to sing to Rocky, and before I knew it, I was singing too. I sang, "I'm a muscle fan!" My Brad darling didn't like that too much. And then we were put in separate rooms for the night.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) SEPARATE ROOMS?
Janet: And then Frankie dressed up like Brad, and pretended he was Brad, and then he... (starts crying, although we're not sure if it's cause she missed Brad or Frankie) He...
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: What did he do?
Janet: He... HE SEDUCED ME!
Hermia, Kim, Ginny and Gerda: (gasp) HE SEDUCED YOU?
Janet: He seduced me. (quietly, slightly shamefully) It really wasn't that bad... but I felt so bad when we were done, I went up to the lab in the elevator, because that's the only place the elevator went to. And I discovered that Frankie had seduced my Brad darling too! (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA gasp again, at a loss for words this time.) I felt so betrayed. And then Rocky was hurt, so I used part of my slip to heal his wounds. But then I sort of seduced Rocky. In a tank. I sang about it.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) YOU AND ROCKY DID IT IN A TANK WHILE SINGING?
Janet: It's not something I'm proud of... although, I did sort of enjoy it. (continues her story) Then Frankie discovered us, and Brad discovered us. And then Dr. Scott came!
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: The very same Dr. Scott you meant to visit?
Janet: (sarcastically) No, the other Dr. Scott. Of course the same Dr. Scott. And he was Eddie's uncle. So we all went and had dinner in the middle of the night. But then we found out that we were having Eddie for dinner.
Ginny: (cluelessly) But Eddie died. How could you have him as a dinner guest?
Janet: No, Ginny, not as a guest. I mean, we were eating Eddie for dinner.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) YOU ATE EDDIE?
Janet: Much as it pains me to admit it, yes, they cooked Eddie. And then we sang a song about Eddie. Then Frankie pulled away the tablecloth and revealed Eddie's body under the table. I screamed, and then Frankie got mad at me for taking Rocky away from him, and Frankie chased me up the stairs in an angry fit of rage and sang a song. Brad and Dr. Scott found their way up to the laboratory too, where Frankie eventually chased me. Then he used this thing called a Transducer to stick us to the floor, and we all yelled at him, and then he used this thing called a Medusa switch to turn us into statues, and he turned Columbia and Rocky into statues too, cause Columbia got all pissed off at him, and I don't know why he turned Rocky into a statue, but he did.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: And then what did you do?
Janet: And then we had a Floorshow! Frankie dressed me, Brad, Rocky and Columbia in corsets and fishnets and high heels and feather boas that weren't really feathery and put a bunch of makeup on us, and then one by one we sang as he turned us into non-statues. I sang my solo last, and it was great.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: What did you sing?
Janet: Okay, this is what I sang. (sings) "I feel released, bad times deceased, my confidence has increased, reality is here! The game has been disbanded, my mind has been expanded, it's a gas that Frankie's landed, his lust is so sincere!"
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) You said the 'l' word!
Janet: What 'l' word? (HERMIA, KIM, GINNY, and GERDA look at each other as if to say, who ought to tell her? Finally, HERMIA speaks up.)
Hermia: You know... (whispers) LUST.
Janet: Oh. (giggles) Yes, there was a lot of that going on in the castle that night. I was for Brad, and for Frankie, and for Rocky, and Frankie was for Rocky, and for me, and I think for Brad, and Rocky was for Frankie, and for me, and Columbia was for Eddie, and for Frankie, and Riff-Raff was for Magenta, and Magenta was for Riff-Raff... even though they were brother and sister.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (gasp) You mean, they were having INCEST?
Janet: Yes. They were. So anyway, then Frankie sang, and we all jumped in a pool and sang, and Dr. Scott talked... he didn't have on a corset or a boa, but he did have fishnets and high heels... that was a little disturbing. And then we all got out of the pool and sang some more, and we danced too. But then Riff-Raff and Magenta came (you can see looks of "Ewww... they're incestuous" on HERMIA, KIM, GINNY and GERDA'S faces as Riff-Raff and Magenta are mentioned) with golden space suits and a laser, and they killed Columbia, and Frankie, and Rocky... (starts crying. GERDA comforts her)
Gerda: It's okay, just keep talking when you're ready...
Janet: (sniffles) All right, I'm fine. I don't think they really died, anyway. Something just tells me they can't be dead! It would be too heartbreaking. And then Riff-Raff and Magenta made me and my Brad darling and Dr. Scott leave the castle, and they beamed the entire castle back to their home planet of Transsexual in the galaxy of Transylvania. And we were stranded in the middle of nowhere in ripped corsets and fishnets and with streaked makeup and we sang... we found our way home though. Back to Denton.
Hermia, Kim, Ginny, and Gerda: (all in sniffles cause of JANET'S touching story) Oh, how sweet...
Hermia: Hey, do you want to be in our club?
Janet: Sure! (she brightens at this, for no reason at all)
Kim: Will you tell us the story again?
Ginny: Yeah, teach us the songs you sang!
Gerda: Do you remember any of the dances?
Janet: All right, I'll tell you again.
Narrator 1: So she told them again and again, every time in more detail. She taught them the songs and dances she could remember, and all of the lines she could remember too.
Narrator 2: And they were happy, and Hermia, Kim, Ginny and Gerda had Janet in their club, and they all told their stories in depth too: Hermia's of fairies and forests and lovers; Kim's of the teen rockstar Conrad Birdie nearly kissing her on TV; Ginny's of her years at wizarding school; and Gerda's of traipsing across mythical lands to save Kai from the Snow Queen.
Narrator 1: And so they all went around, quoting each other's stories, and confusing the rest of Happyland to no end.
Narrator 2: It was great fun.