Posting the end of Chapter 16. Un-Beta'd, but I know it's been a while since my last posting. So, all mistakes/errors are mine.

Section theme: A liability. Please enjoy & thanks for reading!

The Phoenix

Chapter 16 (cont'd)

On July 18th, the day I had been waiting for finally arrived. I was invited on my first mission after almost two months of training. Garrett broke the news to me the night before and I had hardly slept all night. It was my first night at the Order where my grief didn't rage a vicious war, and instead, my anxiety dominated my entire being wondering if I was worthy of fighting alongside the others.

"Bella!" A gruff voice pulled me from my thoughts. I focused on my surroundings and found myself a good distance behind Peyton, Benjy and Carl. For this mission, Jack had split us into teams. I followed blindly, still in the dark of the mission's objective. My only instruction was to listen to Carl's orders and remember my training. I ignored my unease from the beginning when I was not paired with Jack or Garrett. My trainers knew my capabilities. Perhaps this was another test to see what I could do without their support. It was as if they took the concept of pushing the baby bird out of the nest to a whole new diabolical level.

I began to sprint forward to catch up to Peyton when my eyes caught the hand Carl was holding up in the air. I stopped in my tracks, understanding his silent signal. I did not understand what was going on, but remained quiet while I waited for my next order.

Another second passed and Benjy was standing behind me, whispering in my ear, "I am going to pick you up and we are scaling this tree." Before I could nod my head in agreement, Benjy whisked me up and I was floundering over his shoulder as he bounded up the branches of the trees.

When we were high in the trees, Benjy set me down on the highest branch. "Peyton and Carl will be fine. They will know what to do. It's not a vampire. Just some bounty hunters in the area. They're best to avoid or they will cause delay in our mission."

"Bounty hunters?"

"Of the supernatural," he elaborated. My eyebrows furrowed in frustration before I leveled a glare at Benjy. If there was anything Benjy was famous around the Order, it was lacking in explaining anything unless prodded. He patted the top of my head in mock sympathy, ruffling my hair in the process. I squirmed beneath him, careful not to move too much and plummet from the thin branch I was balanced on with Benjy. "Oh Bella, just what are Jack and Garrett teaching you?" He huffed a laugh before shaking his head. "Bounty hunters have similar talents to the Order members, but they focus on all magical creatures and they aren't equipped with Arcas. Don't underestimate their talent though. They also leave the vampires up to us. We don't normally cross paths in our line of work. Vampires don't play well with others." Benjy smiled wide, intent on showcasing his fangs. "Well, most," he added with a smooth wink.

I could imagine hearing Jack follow up with, "Bunch of pussys that hunt weak level shit. They would shit their pants if they were ordered to take out a vampire." I snickered to myself.

"Are bounty hunters only human?" I asked, my curious side taking over when I should have been focusing on the mission. Luckily, I knew Benjamin was in the loop of when we could return to the ground.

He considered my question, his features thoughtful before he was ready to respond. "Are Garrett and I not Order members?" I patiently waited for him to continue, but he added nothing else.

"Is that a roundabout way of admitting that Bounty Hunters too contain non-human members?"

"Unlike your instructors who focus on the brawn side of your training, I prefer the focus on the intellectual side. Stretch those tiny human muscles in your brian every now and then." He tapped his right pointer finger on my left temple. I rolled my eyes before knocking the icy tip of his finger away from my head.

Before I could follow up asking more about the creatures they do hunt, Benjy picked me up and jumped off the branch. We landed on the ground with Peyton and Carl waiting for us at the bottom.

…

Nothing prepares you for when everything goes to shit. When a plan is unfoiled. When you are ambushed. When you are separated from your team. When you feel completely inept and ill prepared for the simple task to stay alive.

I contemplated this as I continued my sprint through the forest trees. Everywhere I ran blended together in my vision, looked the same. Trees. Trees. More trees. No Order members to be found. We had been outmatched, and I was out of my league. I had been forced to flee by Carl's orders when the cooridnated vampire attack snuck up on us, and I was a fucking mess. My head was not processing everything as I would have expected it to because I was scared, yet somehow I was in survival mode. I persisted on with Bulat clutched in my hands as I panted in the dense woods unsure of where I was going or what I would cross paths with next. Friend or foe.

I stopped when I realized I must be in shock. As my chest expanded in relief, I knew I needed to take a step back and recalibrate. I wasn't allowed even half of a second of peace before I was no longer alone.

The hair standing on my neck was a salute to my sheer terror. It was an ode to my stupidity. My fear was sliced open, gushing out. Yet on instinct, my hands flipped the point end of Bulat to aim at the charging vampire. This was my ultimate test; I clenched my left fist around the hilt of the handle before jerking my right hand back. I was shaking as I yelled with a fiery determination before I thrusted my right hand forward and released Bulat at my enemy.

Killing this vampire was different than killing Victoria or that newborn. There was grace in my moves and precision, and I had a proficient weapon and inhumane speed. To my surprise, I did not even break a sweat before the hacked pieces of my enemy laid at my feet. I could not set them aflame soon enough. Jack and Garrett were on a different level than the vampire I had just obliterated.

After I set the body parts on fire, I knew I could not allow myself to relish in my victory. The forest was growing darker. My hands were beginning to struggle to keep a tight grip on Bulat.

If I am to die, I die fighting.

Understanding time was not a luxury I could afford, my mind hastily worked to scan the darkened area for my next path forward. There were no signs of how to regroup with the Order or to avoid a small army of vampires. I was lucky enough that my first encounter was only with one of them. When I had abandoned my comrades, they each were taking on two to three vampires a piece. I knew if I had stayed, I would have struggled to keep up with them. The vampires that had converged on our path were of a special nature. They had a display of power similar to Bejny.

"Fuck it. Luck be on my side," I grumbled to the dimming night sky, unsatisfied I could not do better than randomly choose which way to go.

I sprinted through the trees, demanding my eyes to look for any sign. Anything. Even if I made it out alive, I didn't know how to return to the headquarters.

My labored panting was becoming more difficult to ignore as time passed by. I was growing weaker. Bulat was sapping my energy and it wasn't even being spent on something worthwhile, just my escape.

"Bella."

I halted in my tracks. My ragged breathing ceased. I was basically a statue while I focused my ears to pick up what direction my name was being called from. It was a light whisper. A voice that sounded battered and beaten. Not unfamiliar, but I still could not yet recognize who it belonged to.

"Bella," it rasped again, somewhat louder and more strained. I was able to lock onto where it was coming from as I veered back to where I had come from, darting through the trees to the owner of that voice.

"Carl?!" I cried in horror when his body came into view. My heart leapt in my throat as I observed the gaping hole in his chest. The blood gushing out of it.

"What do I do?" I hissed while whipping my head around to defend Carl and myself. How was I supposed to help him? How do I save him? Us?

"Stop," he commanded in a low, strangled voice. The authority in his voice caused me to pause. "Listen to me. You need to tell Garrett he was right. Tell him I agree with him."

I shook my head, not processing why he needed me to pass on this information for him. "Now go. You can't save me. I am bleeding out, Bella."

My heart thundered in my chest. "What are you talk-"

"Go."

"What? No!" I refused, secretly pleading with him to believe in me. There had to be other options.

"I have minutes or less." I fell to my knees next to the blood pooling by his torso on the grass. "You will end up dead just like me. Now go."

"I can save you," I insisted while I wrapped Bulat around my shoulder with shaky hands before tucking the handle in my belt loop.

"You don't have the energy. You wouldn't last a fraction of a second until they kill you. You must become stronger. This isn't your time. It's mine." His eyes softened as he gazed at me like he knew I would give in. I assessed his body, trying to work out how we could move him while minimizing blood loss. There had to be a way. I just needed to explain this to him.

"No! I can-" I noticed Carl's eyes were now glazed over. His mouth was parted open. I leaned forward and pressed the tips of my fingers to the pulse on his neck. The softness of his beard was the only thing I felt. No pulse.

I bent over and pressed my lips to his warm forehead reverently. "I am sorry," I whispered into his ear, my pain audible as my palm caressed his cheek. Tears slid down on my face and fell just above my hand. "I am so sorry. We will come back to get your body," I swore to him. I closed my eyes, burying my pain. Instead, I let fear take the driver's seat within me again. I needed it to drive me in order to survive because whoever killed Carl was still on the loose. Later on I would have to assess why he was left alive by vampires and only wounded through his chest.

I withdrew my palm from his face and took off sprinting. I stopped before I was barely 10 feet of distance between us. His Acra. I couldn't risk it falling into the enemy's hands. I returned to his side and prayed silently for forgiveness and his understanding as I slipped his Arca into the loop in my belt meant for Bulat.

After, I summoned what strength I had left and let fear take over again.

That strength somehow carried me the distance necessary before I literally ran into Garrett.

"Garrett?" I gasped as my butt hit the ground. My hands shook as I tried to push myself off the grass back onto my feet. I bent my head up. Not a trace of nerves flickered across his stoic face.

Garrett raised his slim finger across his lips, commanding my silence. I nodded as I watched his eyes scan around this dense area of the forest.

His gaze soon settled on Bulat, still clutched in my hands. I understood what he was silently warning me. Be ready. I readied myself for what was to come.

…

We had just made it within the clearing of the forest with the mansion in view when Garrett finally addressed me since we found each other.

"I went against my better judgment thinking you were ready, Bella, and the price was losing Carl." His words were so casually cruel. It stung my heart because he was right. I had been an unskilled liability. A hindrance. Even when wielding Bulat. It took every ounce of my willpower to not break down. I would not yield a single tear to him.

My mouth trembled as I clutched Carl's Acra strapped around my waist. "I did what I was trained to do."

Garrett cut a cold look towards me. "It wasn't enough. I should have factored in the unexpected and considered if you could handle it if things went south. Like today. Today should have been simple. A three man job at most, but the others insisted they wanted to witness your performance. That coordinated attack was not accounted for or even a remote possibility with Order intel. Yet it happened. If we all hadn't been on today's mission, you likely would have been a casualty. Instead, the price we paid today was Carl." Garrett looked away. "A few weeks of training is not enough to prepare you for that. It's rare, but can happen. I should have made sure you could handle anything before sending you out. I made a bad call. His death is on me." Garrett rubbed his grave face with a hand before combing his shaggy hair out of his face with his fingers.

Despite his own guilt, my mind flashed with my once inspiring moments since training with Bulat. But the memories were shadowed in a new filter. Arrogance. That is what killed Carl. My ability to believe I was ready when I was barely in the beginning stages of honing my skills with Bulat. Everything had happened too quickly. But the problem came down to me. We were just traveling to our mission's starting point on the other end of the forest beyond the Manor. The mission had not even officially started yet. When the unprovoked attack by vampires began, we separated to save me. Buy me time. To protect me. That is what Peyton, Benjy and Carl had done for me.

I wanted to further dig myself a grave in my mind and berate myself further, but... Garrett's apparent own self-loathing stopped me. Despite the hole I found myself in, someone reached over the edge and tossed down a ladder for my escape. Because I had always been selfish with my ability to tear myself down and not think of anyone else. But in the moment, someone relied on me to build them up. I had to save Garrett before I could go down the dark path waiting for me. It wasn't going anywhere anyways.

I closed the gap between us. Garrett had remained a statue. Perhaps frozen in a darker part of his own mind. I understood he had lost friends before in his time in the war. This was nothing new to him.

"Garrett?" His face was unphased, as if it had not registered to him that I was still here. I stepped forward and raised my right hand to cup his face. I brushed my thumb by the corner of his mouth, where a streak of blood still lingered. I once thought I would hate the loss of another human's life by a vampire. But when I learned of the vile human beings he fed on, I surprised myself by supporting it. Such filth he hunted deserved the brutal end by his fangs. Especially those that aligned with the Volturi. Another time I would dare to ask what human connections there were for the attack we suffered today.

No flicker of movement or emotion flashed across his beautiful face with my touch. Without thinking, I reached for his hand. I didn't mind the icy touch as I yanked down on his arm, forcing him to the ground with me. As we sat on the grass, I didn't have any need to release his hand. I pulled our hands into my lap as I outstretched my legs.

We sat in silence until the sun rose and lit up the morning sky. Our hands never parted until Garrett stood up and walked away. Not back to the manor, but into the forest. I didn't follow or ask where he was going. I knew that others were already saved and had offered him all that I could. For me, that was enough. I forced myself to get up as well and return to my room. I had put my own feelings on pause and didn't let them slip back in the entire time I stayed with Garrett. It was time though. I could not delay it anymore. The bomb was ticking. As I walked back to my room knowing what was waiting for me before I closed the door, I was proud of myself. I put Garrett in front of myself when he needed me today. And that, that mattered. Because I thought selfless Bella had quit on me a long time ago.

…

I woke up with my body coated in sweat and drenched sheets. Not of my blood at least I confirmed when eyeing the white sheets of my bed. Someone must have tended to those wounds earlier. I groaned in pain while scooting my body back to rest against the headboard of the bed.

The next ten minutes I endured submitting to painful sobbing that made my chest ache. It surely stemmed from a mix of my grief over Carl dying and disappointment with how I failed the Order.

On top of that, I had almost died. On my first mission.

I almost died.

And for the first time when death was knocking on my door, I wasn't making my peace and looking forward to seeing Charlie again. I did not yield or submit. I fought for my right to live because I saw Jessica and Paul's faces in my head. I couldn't leave them like that. That sole thought awakened my true feelings regarding them as…my family.

When I recovered from my abysmal and pathetic state, I did what I had been putting off for weeks. I turned on my cell phone and called Paul. Because it was his face that flashed in my mind first, and god I realized how much I missed his angry scowl and brash words.

As the phone rang in my hand, I held my breath unsure if I even deserved a chance to be heard out. If he would even dare to answer my call.

With each ring that passed, my stomach dropped another millimeter. I was ready to hang up after the sixth ring when I heard his voice.

"Bella." His greeting wasn't enthusiastic. Like he hadn't been waiting for this phone call since I had left. Which shouldn't have surprised me, but I was still disappointed.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out before I was aware of my apology. "I should have told you the truth."

"You don't owe me anything." Paul's voice was a coarse whisper. The impact of those five words was nothing compared to the sorrow bleeding in my heart. I knew I had hurt him.

Maybe I was wrong, and I shouldn't have called. The best thing is just to part ways for good. I was foolish to think a phone call could fix his mistakes and my own.

"I know. But I should have still. You..." I was stuck on what word I wanted to characterize him as next. "Would have understood and let me do my own thing. It felt easier not having to mention it. Maybe I was afraid I would chicken out if I told anyone?"

"So, you're not coming back then?"

"Undecided. Not for some time though. I am doing something important here."

"I'll bite. And what would that be? More mental retreats to find your inner peace?" The sarcasm dripping from his words brought a fat grin to my face.

"No. Training to kill vampires." That bomb was dropped. No taking it back now.

"What the fuck are you taking about?"

"Well...if you come here, I can show you rather than tell you." It was stupid to ask. I was taking a risk. But I knew I would regret it if I did not at least try.

"Do I need to repeat my original question?"

"I'll book your ticket," I insisted. "For a round trip. I'll show you what I have been up to." I clenched my eyes shut as my grip around my cell phone tightened.

"Bella." The exasperation in his tone shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. My chest tightened and the pain from earlier began to resurface. "I have pack duties. I can't just up and leave on a whim because you want me to partake whatever shenanigans you find yourself in."

I wanted to hang up because I was a coward and he was right. But something inside me persisted that I fight on. That is what you did for family, right? You fought for them?

"I was allowed three guests. I never extended the invites. I should have." I revealed the truth knowing he wouldn't fully understand what I saw saying without more context. But the pain in my chest lessened with that small sliver of honesty released.

"Shit." Paul's voice became muffled after he cursed.

I counted the seconds between my inhale and exhale for Paul to return to the line.

1-2-3-4-5. (inhale)

1-2-3-4. (exhale)

1-2-3-4-5.

You-are-oh-kay.

1-2-3-4-5.

Just-keep-do-ing

Your-best-3-4-5.

My internal shit breathing technique silenced as soon as a drawn-out huff came from Paul's end of the line.

"Look, Bella, I have to go." His voice grated the soundwaves. He sounded annoyed. It could not have been at me, or was it? I had not pushed him there yet with our short conversation thus far. He had just seemed…disappointed. And that perhaps was much worse. "Thanks for calling. Nice to know you're alive and doing okay. You don't have to check in with me."

Regret squeezed my heart. Disappointed sounding Paul had returned, and it was fucking killing me. He didn't know how much he meant to me. He was my family. I was going to tell him so.

"You owe me nothing. Enjoy your vacation for however long you intend to be out there. Call me when you get back and you're ready to face reality again."

*Click*

The blunt force of his words and the fact he hung up without saying goodbye, well, it floored. me. This Paul was miles away from the Paul confessing his feelings to me in my truck after graduation. This indifferent, uncaring bastard had some semblance to the Paul I first knew and loathed. And if he was back…

I dropped the phone carelessly on my bed instead of chucking it at the wall on the opposite end of the room as I desired to.

Well, shit, I didn't know what that meant. I reasoned that the application of the motto, "out of sight, out of mind" could apply to his change in attitude towards me. Maybe he was over his crush and when the dust settled, he wasn't keen on being my friend. The hurt over that realization startled me as I wiped away the tears brimming my eyes.

I swallowed that pain just like the grief I forced down when I didn't have time to deal with it. If Paul was going to be a dick again, maybe I was wrong about him being one of my best friends or viewing him as a part of my family. So much for the "repair our friendship" bullshit he touted before I had left. It seemed like my leaving allowed him to show his true colors as a fair-weather friend.

I began to feel dizzy when a very realistic conclusion rammed into my mind like a speeding train. What if his shift in attitude towards me was because he imprinted? Then I was discarded like trash because he could not see any other girl but his imprint? Vomit crawled up my throat and I sprinted to the wastebasket in the corner of my room, ignoring the fiery pain of my fresh wounds to release the contents of my stomach. The thought of Paul imprinting made me physically ill and I did not understand why as I continued to dry heave over the waste basket. I gripped the metal rim of the basket when another wave of vomit surged up within me.

I should have been happy for him. The only way he would ever find a girl to put up with his shit was by an imprint bond, that I was sure of. Yet there appeared to be a hot stream of tears trailing my cheeks while I battled a third wave of vomit. Forcing myself to not be wimpy or ridiculous, I pushed off the wood floor with my hands while willing the vomit back down my throat. After the success of my triumph of standing up, my knees buckled, and I found myself once again facing the waste bin to unload my third vomit wave.

I was overwhelmed that when the need to vomit passed, all that was left to focus on was a tingling in my chest and stomach. It almost seemed like dread. No, more like devastation.

I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. I grabbed the base of the waste basket and hurled it out of my face, to the opposite end of the room. The whirling of the bin rolling across the floor was easy to ignore as my head was overwhelmed with my rampant, erratic heartbeat.

A familiar chest pain had returned.

I knew feeling sorry for myself would not solve anything. So, I did what I do best; I locked my heartache into a box and buried it in a place I would never dare tread again.

This time when I pushed myself off the ground, my knees locked in place with the will I was heading down to training (despite Benjy insisting I needed to rest just hours ago) and would forget this stupid, weak moment.

I couldn't afford to lose myself to such disgusting feelings. That was Bella 1.0. I had to be on the third or fourth version of myself by now. With each rebirth I became tougher. Paul imprinted. So what? We were thousands of miles away from one another. That chapter of my life was over. I was mistaken. He was never family to me. I wished him the best with his imprint. I really did. I could be happy for him at least and relieved that my leaving was the right choice in the end. It stung less finding out here then back at home where it would have been shoved in my face.

When I was ready, I would call Jessica. I just knew that call would go better. It had to. But first, I needed to allow myself to work up my courage.

Regardless, it seemed I left a part of myself back in Forks that I could no longer deny or escape from. It was concealed underneath all the scars of my grief and guilt. But when I pulled myself apart, there was a tiny hole. Once filled by Jessica and Paul. While I had figured out how to close and stitch together the hole Edward left in me. This one was different…

Author's Note: Wowee Ch 17 is drafted up to 8000 words and it is not yet finished. The chunks I broke up Ch 16 in add up to over 10k words! Why long chapters? Idk, I think for this story chapter length I was inspired by The Imprint Chronicles by . That's all i got folks. If you made it here, hello, how are you? Hope you're well and safe and happy. If not, I hope my story gives you a bit of a distraction as you endure what you are going through in life right now. And I hope you can be all three of those things very soon! ~Lalaland972