Decisions

Chapter: 7

A week later the three of them were once again in the small dark ultrasound room. This time Chibi-Usa was snacking on some crackers but still uninterested in what was happening on the screen.

Mamoru breathed a shy of relief when their baby showed up instantly and he could tell its heart was beating. Usagi squealed with joy, and he knew she could see it as well. They might have been calling it peanut before, but now it looked like a kidney bean, and he was just as happy and relieved as he was seeing Chibi-Usa's ultrasound for the first time.

"Your baby has a strong heartbeat of 154 beats per minute. From what I can see everything is developing as expected, and your baby is about 8 weeks gestation. Your due date is March 25th."

Mamoru picked Chibi-Usa up while Usagi was silently crying tears of joy. He walked his daughter over to the screen, pointed to it and said "baby".

Chibi-Usa looked at the screen, then turned and stared up at him, pointed at herself and exclaimed "behby!"

He laughed, "Yes Chibi-Usa, you will always be my baby."

xoxo

Neither of them was getting much sleep. He knew his wife was restless with worry, but still would put on a cheery face for their daughter. He was finding it harder and harder to stay cheerful. He was plagued with nightmares about his own inadequacies. He always thought he was there to protect her, but memories were flooding him at night of him being useless and how much danger he put her in. His dreams haunted him so much that he decided to take on more shifts at work. He didn't want Usagi to be concerned, and he knew it couldn't keep up a façade at home. Which meant he had chosen to brood at work instead of home, keeping his family safely away from his concerns.

He was filling out notes on charts trying to focus on the words but all he could see was what he had done.

"Endymion please don't you remember me? I am Serenity. We are destined to be together. You are Mamoru Chiba, and I am Usagi Tsukino. Please try and remember!"

He looked at her with cold dead eyes "All I want from you is the Silver Crystal!".

Sailor Moon looked into his eyes and ran to him, shaking him off guard. She lifted the sword in her hand and brought it down on him. As he fell from the attack, all the hate and anger he felt escaped him. In one last effort captured her lips in a kiss. No sooner did she kiss him than he realized she had turned the sword on herself. They collapsed together.

Mamoru knew neither of them had died, his stone generals protected him, and his locket protected her. Usagi would call that fate protecting them but he started to wonder if it was just a fluke. Twice his incompetence had given her the ability to take her life.

He was so easily brainwashed three times in this lifetime alone. How could he keep her and their family safe, if he was not able to resist the influence of dark energy?

xoxo

She knew he was avoiding her, but she couldn't really blame him. Her birthright had always enticed dark energy. They were attracted to her light and wanted it for themselves, which meant wherever she went the evil would follow. She closed her eyes as she sat on her couch and listened to the silence of their apartment. Usagi had long ago accepted this, it was a burden she was willing to undertake, except it was not only her burden. She had guardians specifically to protect her and her crystal, and she knew they had accepted to do so of their own free will. While she was grateful to them, did she force Mamoru into this? Her children would be heirs to protect the crystal and the world at their own cost. Did her husband truly love her and want to take on a reign that would put the world above their own lives or did he feel regret for not being able to protect the Earth during the Silver Millennium?

"I wish I were strong enough to rule on my own, but I know I am not and now the people I love the most will always be in danger!" she yelled to any empty room grateful that her toddler was a heavy sleeper. Usagi let her tears fall freely, crying into her hands. For the first time, she hated herself for bringing darkness to all those she loved.

xoxo

In the next two weeks, there had been no attacks so Mamoru felt less guilty for barely being home. He would leave before his wife awoke, and often did not get home before she was asleep for the night. The two only really communicated through texts, and even those were short. Mamoru was sure she was avoiding him as well. He suspected it was because she was forced to protect him when her only focus should be their daughter and growing child.

"Why am I so useless?" He yelled into the humid mid-August night air from the lonely park bench he now occupied. Mamoru knew he was being a coward by not discussing his feelings of inadequacy with his wife, but he was worried she would agree. Even though he knew rationally she would never think that way, he was starting to doubt that there was a good reason in loving him. Usagi had always been a ball of light, energy, and love. He was dark, broody, and aloof.

"How could such a ray of light and love fall for someone like me?" he whispered. It wasn't fair to her to share a piece of her soul to brighten his. He had been lonely in two lifetimes, and in both lifetimes, she had saved him with her love. Didn't she deserve to be the one being saved for once? Why was it her destiny to save all those around her? She always had to put what she wanted on the back burner. Usagi had always wanted to be a regular normal girl, even when she was Serenity. Fate had made certain she would never be given that opportunity, and now he helped her bring children into this world who would receive the same fate as she did. He without a doubt would take their fate on as his own if he could, and even with his golden crystal, it was not powerful enough to accomplish that for the ones he truly loved.

As he sat alone in the park a thought came to him that would protect his family by keeping them far away from him.

xoxo

"Do you really think this is the time to go on vacation?" her warm cerulean stared up at him in disbelief.

"Of course, when have our lives stopped in the past over a threat? We just need to keep living. I talked to the gang and they will alert us if we are needed to come back." He smiled broadly down at her and kissed her forehead.

"I suppose you're right. Why don't we just wait for you to get off work, and then head up to the mountains afterwards?" she asked while putting her arms around him.

"I will likely be late again this evening. This way you and Chibi-Usa will be all settled in and I can drive up after work and we can start our vacation off fresh in the morning instead of spending tomorrow driving up." He hated lying to her but he hoped she would believe him.

"Alright, Mamo-Chan. I'll start packing and take the train up this afternoon. I'll try and stay up for you" she pulled herself from his arms and smiled up at him as a pang of guilt washed over him.

"Ok, I'll message you when I know I am getting off that way you don't have to wait up if I am going to be longer than expected." He watched her smile falter a fraction, and he hoped that she didn't see through his lie already.

She nodded. "I love you Mamo-chan," she said but the smile now no longer reached her eyes.

xoxo

It was at 10:00 pm her phone dinged with the message she knew was coming.

"Hey Usako, I'm sorry! They are short staffed and asked me to come in tomorrow. I will drive up tomorrow night. Enjoy the day with Chibi-Usa. I love you."

Even though she expected he would cancel on her, the pain in her heart hurt more than she anticipated.

Had he finally realized this was not the life he had wanted? He had promised to protect and love her forever, but maybe he realized those feelings he had were from the past for Serenity and not for crybaby Usagi. Not only was he now spending more time at work, but he had effectively gotten rid of her. Was it for her and their children's safety? Or was he finally trying to free himself from her?

xoxo

Akane laughed. She had watched Mamoru send the pathetic blonde away with their offspring. The power Beryl had given her to trance them into nightmares had worked. She could care less about the monsters she sent out. The whole point was to get both of them trapped by looking in its eyes in order to be infected with nightmares. She had no idea what they were dreaming about, but she knew it brought out their worst fears, and clearly, it had done the trick. Mamoru finally saw his wife was not good enough for him, and now maybe it was time that Akane re-introduced herself to him.

A/N: Thank you to my lovely beta MasterRay5 you are truly amazing! Know that I am still writing. My chapters may take about two weeks give or take to come out, but if I can get them out sooner I will!

I have a new chapter of Happily Ever Afters that came out at the start of the month. Stayed tuned for me!

As always reviews are love and motivation,

xoxo SB