Authors' Notes: *looks smug* What did I say? What have grown considerably! The full list of people are Neo1, Sacred, hypah!éclair, Aman'mai, White Rabbit, Klutzy34, DoomHamster, DizzyKoalaQueen, Jute, xoxLilMoixox,  Tas, InsanePineapple. *grins* There just aren't enough Mary Sue hunters…

A blonde haired, blue-eyed Mary Sue named...well, Mary Sue crept through the bushes. From under the foliage she could see two figures run past. She quietly began to stalk them.

Legolas and Aragorn felt uneasy, there had been something following them for the last ten minutes that seemed to be giggling and hiccupping with excitement. What else could it be but one of those sources of pure evil, more commonly known as a Mary Sue.

"There must be some way to destroy them," Legolas said rather desperately

"Not that I know of," Aragorn sighed

"Maybe they would go away if we...y'know gave them what they wanted."

Aragorn froze. "What are you saying? That we give in to their evil desires?"

"We could try."

A thought crossed Aragorn's mind "You're loving this aren't you? You want the attention!"

"Don't you dare accuse me of such things," Legolas blushed profusely

"Here, I was thinking that you would want to get rid of this evil, but instead you're enjoying it!"

"Well, I mean some of them aren't bad looking and are quite nice..."

The Mary Sue jumped out of the bushes and on top of Legolas. "Finally! You've come to your senses!" she squealed hugging him tightly

"Yes, I believe I have." Legolas gave Aragorn an "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking" look

RUN!!

"Elrond!!" the shrill voice of Mary Sue 3,478.5 rang out from the crowd. She ran quickly to her love. Wrapping her arms tightly around him, she made sure he wouldn't escape. "You're mine; all mine!!"

Elrond quickly became a keen shade of purple. "Let me go...." Elrond whispered. He was quickly slipping from Mary Sue 3,478.5. Elrond fell completely still after a short time.

"Elrond, my love?" 3,478.5 shook Elrond violently trying to awaken him.

"Elrond!!!!!!!" The Mary Sue gripped him tightly, not wanting to let him go in fear that a fellow Mary Sue may try to steal him. Merry and Pippin came out from his robes almost unnoticed. They tried to move away from the Mary Sue as quickly as possible. "Where do you think you are going? What were you doing to my poor love?"

"Nothing." Merry said.

"Nothing at all," Pippin agreed as the mischievous light came to his eyes.

"Well, I don't like the idea of you being under his cloak. It disturbs me," Mary Sue said.

"Well, possessive now aren't we." Pippin said

"Yes, very much so," she agreed proudly.

Merry and Pippin looked at each other puzzled. Together they jumped on the Mary Sue. 3,478.5 struggled at first, but then she got the idea they were trying to take Elrond away, so naturally she responded with great vigor. Quickly shoving them off like they were nothing of importance, she reminded herself they were nothing. Yet again they struck back. "Give it up," Merry yelled. And yet again the Mary Sue flung them off... when she pulled out her weapon...a flat iron.

"You want to play, then come here." Mary Sue motioned to the hobbits as she grinned evilly.

Still holding Elrond, Mary Sue knocked over a candle, starting a fire, and warming the iron over it.

"Come here, Merry."

Slowly, Elrond was awakening. "You're alive!!!!" Once again, the Mary Sue hugged Elrond tightly. Merry and Pippin fled for their lives. Elrond slowly faded back into his 'sleep'. "Elrond, stay awake!" The Mary sure slapped Elrond across the face. She then slowly took out a bottle of bleach. "You'll be sorry you fell asleep." She also pulled out a pair of scissors. Slowly, she began to cut locks of his hair off. After the hairstyle massacre, she put in the bleach. An evil smile slipped from her lips. The poor elf look as if he gotten in a fight with a lawn mower and lost.

~~45 minutes later~~

The slap across the face had kept Elrond under for some time. The Mary Sue had finished her hairstyle massacre, and left Elrond tied to a tree.

Frodo's eyes were wide with fear as he defensively held his sword in front of his face, pacing in a circle with his back to the ever faithful, gaffer-loving Sam.

The two were surrounded by Mary-Sues on all sides, whose hideous smiles gleamed in the darkness of Moria, wishing they'd never ran when Legolas told them to. Where is Aragorn?

The Mary-Sues' sneered and gnashed their teeth, hissing at their victims. The leader, a lanky teenage girl with matted blonde hair and tribal war paint on her face, let out a blood-curling cry.

"AAAAIIII!"

She charged straight for the fearful Frodo, who screamed in terror and dropped his sword, falling to ground and covering his head.

Sam quickly stood over his master looking this way and that while making sure none of the other Mary Sue's were going to make the same move.

"Get away from us, you beasts!" Sam cried out into the army of Mary Sue's, "We don't want ya here."

Just then, the Mary Sues began to split in the middle of their mass crowd. Sam boasted a bit mentally, thinking he had gotten through them. The most sinister of all sinister evils fell upon them. The darkness turned back the light, and all good in the world quivered under its might.

"The first Mary Sue!" Frodo cried out in fear.

"You would be right." Mary Sue said slyly.

"Get away from him!" Sam yelled out.

"No."

Sam held still poised for action. He kept a good eye on Mary Sue. Slowly turning as she walked around them. Frodo stood up and looked around. He saw the Mary Sues' bow down to Mary Sue, and wondered what sort of power she had over them.

"Look at them, Sam. They're all mad." Frodo whispered into Sam's ear.

"Yes, I know Master."

"What did you say? I couldn't hear you." Mary Sue yelled into Frodo's ear. He jumped and turned around to face her.

"Nothing you would care to hear." Sam replied in a somewhat commanding tone. "Run, Mr. Frodo." Sam whispered to his beloved master when Mary Sue was far enough away.

"No, Sam, I can't leave you here to die."

"Just go, Mr. Frodo."

"Go where?" Mary Sue asked. "Where is Mr. Frodo going to go?"

Sam stayed quiet; he didn't wanting to dig their hole any deeper than he already had. Slowly Frodo and Sam begun to make their way closer to the break of the Mary Sues. An arrow soared through the air into the mass of Mary Sues. It was Aragorn.

"Run!" Aragorn called out.

"Get them all!!" Mary Sue yelled.

"AIII!" The Mary-Sue followers pumped their fists into the air and screeched- a sound more terrible to the ears then even the howl of the Nazgul.

Frodo and Sam ran blindly through the opening off the army, which slowly closing...Before they'd gone far, the exit was completely blocked off. The Mary-Sue's puckered their lips, "Come here, Frodo!"

"NOOOO!"

Aragorn backed away fearfully, worried for Legolas's safety. Immediately, a bunch of the Sues split off, coming after him. The ranger-king turned sharply and ran, the Sues in hot pursuit. "Must...get...to others...." He muttered, when suddenly his cloak was grabbed, effectively clothes lining him. He fell to the ground, as a perky brunette in a very short elven dress stood over him.

"Hey, Aragorn!" She said with a wave, tucking her silky hair away from her perfect elven ears.

"ARGH!" Aragorn screamed, jumping to his feet. She pouted, jumping on his back.

"Where are you going?" She whispered in his ear.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! It's touching me!" Aragorn bellowed. He let out a grunt as he was hit in the waist and taken down by another girl; this one was dressed in perfect ranger garb, her long black hair pulled back.

"At last, I've found you my love!" She said, touching his face.

"HELP ME!"

"No one in Rivendell can here you scream, Aragorn."

"Oh Valar, they're dead?"

"No, just busy..."

"Oh....ARGH! HELP ME!"

"Why must you scream so, love?" The elven Sue asked as she sat on his back, pinning him to the ground.

"Because...these terrible perfect girls are running all over the place, making us love them against our will, and they have no flaws, and we can't beat them..." He babbled.

"How terrible! What can we do to help?"

"HELP? You're the problem!"

Aragorn ducked as Glorfindel swung Gandalf's staff towards the nearest Mary Sue. They slowly made their way towards Arwen as Glorfindel beat the Mary Sues back one by one. Aragorn ducked under the assaults as he frantically looked for Anduril.

Aragorn stopped dead at the sight before him. "She must die," Mary Sue whispered as she crept forward with a perfect elven blade.

"He must die," Gary Stu muttered as slunk through the shadows.

"Arwen?" he asked hurriedly. She met his eyes and dove towards him as the Mary Sues attacked.

All around them, the Mary Sues attacked the Gary Stus as they searched for their beloved Ranger and Elf. Arwen and Aragorn crawled on their elbows under the frantic attack.

Aragorn's jaw dropped as he reached the other side. "Min meleth?" Arwen questioned softly. What madness could have driven them to the shadows of insanity such as this?

"What horror did this to you, Mellon?" Aragorn asked Legolas and Haldir in fear.

"What do you speak of?" Legolas as he fell into complete befuddlement.

"Your hair," Arwen answered for him as she rushed towards them. "Who could have done such a terrible thing?"

Legolas' hair was now a brilliant shade of light purple. Haldir himself had neon green.

Legolas, Haldir and Aragorn had been backed up into a tree; members of the Fellowship all over Rivendell were being snogged to death.

Boromir was blowing his horn incessantly while the Mary Sues around him tried to blow on something else...

As one, the Sues all looked up, their ears twitching slightly.

They blinked as one.

They let go of their quarry as one.

A tide of orcs came running into Rivendell.

Sues screamed as they saw the hideousness of the fell beasts. Some tried to fight but were swarmed over. The more delicate Sues ran off squealing and screaming as they were slowly cut down.

A dark shadow fell across the forgotten Middle Earth inhabitants.

It hissed.

"My lordsssss, come with usss if you want to live..."

The Nazgul extended a sheet of parchment. It bore the seal of Sauron.

To Whom it may concern, (it read)

These beings that call themselves Mary Sues have arrived, and I offer you a temporary contract of fighting them off before we return to what we must do in the first place. I realize that many of you have experienced translocation, mind melding and other distasteful of which I am aware of. I assure you, that you are not the only ones and I, myself extend my hand to help you, as... if we have any chance of surviving this infestation. Needless to say, I feel that my orcs could do with the practice of smiting.

Yours in hope,

Sauron

A particularly confident Mary Sue took the piece of parchment, quickly looked it over and turned over to the back. She seemed to be writing something on it. Everyone looked on in silent fascination.

The message read: "MARRY ME FRODO!!!" in perfect pink handwriting. Frodo squealed. If he managed to get through this ordeal, he would definitely need to see a psychiatrist.

"Our secret is out." Legolas moaned, as the Sue grabbed the parchment. "If anyone wants me, I'll be in the tree." He grabbed a hold of a higher branch and climbed into the coverage of the leaves. Haldir followed him, leaving Aragorn, Sam, and Frodo behind, with the Sues and Orcs.

"Stupid elves..." Aragorn muttered. Here he was, stuck between the orcs and the Sues. Not a good place to be, even if the orcs had offered safety. They were enemies before...was he supposed to trust them now?

Sam stood in front of all of them, grasping Frodo's sword, as Frodo was a gibbering wreck at Aragorn's feet. "Back, you devils, back I say!" He shouted, poking a few of the Sues, who jumped back and squealed.

"He's so cute!" One girl shrieked. Sam's eyes got wider. For once, someone was neither intimidated nor amused by his antics. They wanted to glomp him. Sam backed up until he hit Aragorn's legs.

"Hope you have a plan to get us out of this, Mr. Strider, sir."

One of the Mary Sue's suddenly screamed a battle cry, dropping down from the roof onto the head of an orc. She grabbed his sword and slammed it into the belly of another one.

"You'll never take them if we have anything to say about it!" she yelled. Rallied by her example, the horde of Mary Sues slammed into the orc army. The orc line wavered and broke, orcs turning and running for safety. A horde of three Sues grabbed one and dragged him back down.

"I'll turn him from the darkness with my love!" one proclaimed. The orc look disgusted. His eyes spotted Legolas and Haldir in the tree.

"Kill me now!"

Legolas nodded and drew an arrow back, sending it towards the orc. The second Sue shouted a denial and leapt in front of him, taking the missile in her belly. The third Sue gave a cry and collapsed on her body, weeping.

Legolas looked at his bow in amazement.

"How did she die? I thought they were indestructible."
"I don't think she's dead" Haldir replied disappointedly.

Almost as if she had heard him, the Sue leapt up and looked in the direction of where the arrow came from.

Legolas looked at his friend. "Haldir, if I'm immortal, can I die?"
Haldir mumbled something.

The Sue angrily started to climb the tree, Legolas and Haldir sat frozen where they were and watched in horrified fascination, they saw her angry face coming closer and closer and closer and closer until she was less than a meter away, but then she stopped and fell backwards and behind her they saw Aragorn with his sword in the air.

When they were all on solid ground again Legolas starting hugging Aragorn's legs and whimpering.

Under his breath Aragorn said something that sounded very much like "Bloody coward."

By that time, Aragorn had two hobbits and an elf clinging to his legs, making it very hard to walk. He tried to hobble, only succeeding in nearly falling over if the point of Anduril hadn't jammed in the ground and held him upright.

"Look, if you want to escape, you're going to have to let go." He said finally. Legolas blinked, then quickly detached himself.

"Right. I was just scouting the ground for Sue marks." He said quickly, then bent over, as if scanning. "Yup, lots of them." With his back turned, he didn't catch Aragorn rolling his eyes as he tried to pry the two hobbits off. Sam came off after a bit of calming down, but Frodo refused. He clung vastly to Aragorn's leg, muttering unintelligibly.

"He can take the Ring to Mordor, but he can't face a Sue." Aragorn muttered, using the blade to pry Frodo off. The hobbit gave a shriek and clung to Sam tightly.

Aragorn rolled his eyes at the petty group Gandalf had assembled to go into Mordor. Aragorn kept thinking that Gandalf had chosen nothing but cowards to do the job. After a while of turning the thought over in his head, he was abruptly brought back to the chaos surrounding him when a mass amount of Mary Sues came upon the small company. Aragorn held Anduril proudly knowing well enough that he would end up doing most of the work to ward off the evil beings.

"Stand your ground." Aragorn said to his cowardly company.

"Yes Mr. Aragorn sir." Sam replied, scared out of his mind.

Legolas, Haldir, and Frodo were all standing in-between Aragorn and Sam for what they thought was safety. After noticing this Aragorn thrust forward into the Mary Sues and began to fight them off.

Frodo then took on in Aragorn's example and followed suit. Sam quickly followed his master into the battalions of Sue's. Legolas had finally decided to toughen up and help out.

Pulling out his bow, Legolas began to temporarily kill the Mary Sues farther off from his companions. Haldir, still standing there completely stunned, looked at his companions and thanked them all mentally. Once they had made a large enough opening he would go in and help farther ahead.

All of them looked up as they heard screaming. Not unlike an army of orcs pouring over the hills, Merry and Pippin were sprinting ahead of a shrieking crowd of Sues, once again shouting love and proposals.

"Merry?" Pippin panted as they ran.

"Yeah Pippin?"

"Do you think we'll ever see the Shire again?"

Merry looked over his shoulder. "It doesn't look so good right now, Pippin. Look, there's Strider. He's waving us over to him."

Which was the exact opposite of what Aragorn was really doing. "NO! NO! Don't bring anymore Sues over here!" He shouted, but it was too late. Pippin and Merry leaped, clinging to the king's legs as more Sues joined the others. With two kicks, Aragorn dislodged them and started shouting. "Fall back! There's too many. Fall back!"

The elves and hobbits were all too happy to comply.

The Sues started setting up camp, to the east there were about 10 of them pitching a massive pink tent and straight ahead about 20 Sues were flinging love letters and flowers over the walls, the Sues were not leaving in a hurry and it seemed like all hope was lost.

Aragorn took up the remaining energy he had in him and thrust forward in the crowd of Mary Sue's, it looked to him as though all hope was lost, but he knew in his heart that it couldn't be.

Frodo fought on but when a Gary Stu started to come up to him, lust in his eyes, Frodo scream and ran behind Sam.
"What are we going to do, Mr. Frodo?"

"I don't know Sam. I think this'll be the end of us."

"Don't say things like that Mr. Frodo. My gaffer would have had me head if I were to ever say a thing like that."

"Now is not the time to hear about your gaffer, Sam."

"With all due respect, Mr. Frodo, but my gaffer was a wise man, oh how I would give to see him now."

Frodo rolled his eyes and eased his way toward Aragorn.

"Strider what are we going to do?"

"We are going to fight, Frodo, and hope, hope for the best."

Frodo simply listened to him and continued fighting.

Would they live to see the end of the evil?

Authors' Notes: Review guys! We're not doing this for our own health (so maybe we are…), so we need feedback.

Insane Pineapple: We seem to have left Gandalf *somewhere* and Elrond tied to a tree. The things we do to these poor characters. Although, it doesn't seem to compare to the horror Mary Sues put them through.

DizzyKoalaQueen: Dammit! Why can't the Mary Sues die!

IP: If we knew that, we wouldn't be here.

klutzy34: *Plans demise of Sues*

DoomHamster: Mary-Sues? I say we kill 'em all in their sleep and sell their organs on the black market. I hear kidneys are worth a fortune...