Kate's POV
My alarm had dragged me away from my peaceful sleep yet again. Just like lately my night was completely sleepless until the last few hours. By then all I wanted to do was get some rest but couldn't. It had been three days since Rick had begun making progress and doctors had told me that he could wake up at any moment. I didn't want to leave his side and keep my promise, but on Tuesday Mom had visited me and asked if I would go to school since finals were coming up. It took some convincing but eventually I agreed. The days have been long and hard, and I was finding it really hard to study, therefore making my time in school completely pointless. I would just sit in class, thinking about my mate, hoping and praying that he would wake up, and every day after school I would go to the hospital but… he was never awake. I did however manage to get at least some studying done at the hospital, bringing some books with the heads up that I might have to do summer school to make up for all that I had missed. Normally I would care but… all my cares in the world were on my soul mate and his well being. I would wake up, go to school, head to the hospital after and try to get some studying done until around ten o'clock, where I would go home, go to sleep, have a nightmare or two and then start it all over again the next day, today was another day.
I silenced my phone and sat up, scratching the back of my head as I felt extremely dizzy from the lack of sleep. I yawned, catching a slight scent of my morning breath and sighed, rubbing my eyes. I just wanted to go back to sleep. I reached over, taking a gulp from my bottle of water and swishing it around my mouth. My eyes felt sore from no sleep, and I felt as though I would collapse at any given moment. I whimpered, pulling the covers off of me and going to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, peed, and showered simply to wake myself up. It didn't do much. If anything it made my eyes hurt just a tad bit more but the hot water felt nice on my fur.
Turning off the water, I dried off and went back to my room. I went simple as I had done so as of late. I went for my gray sweatshirt, unzipped as always. Along with blue skinny jeans and a white T-shirt. Today I made sure that my tail actually went out of my jeans. Yesterday I was so tired that I forgot, having my tail stuffed in my pant leg from when I put on my jeans. It was Lilly who told me when she saw me come down the stairs tailless. Today though I made sure it was out, sticking up before going down and curling back up, nice and fluffy as always. At ;east Rick thought so. I whimpered again at the thought of waking up next to him and went down stairs. By then Lilly was done with her breakfast and was simply waiting on me.
It was a silent ride to school, just like the other days. Lilly knew it wasn't because I was upset though. Even when I was, I still made an effort to talk. No this was because I was tired, and every little movement felt way too fast and sounds felt way louder than they actually were. I was yawning every five seconds as I struggled to keep my eyes open.
"Do you want me to drive?" Lilly asked. I slowly shook my head as I kept my eyes on the road, trying not to lose my focus. There wasn't any more talking after that. When we got to school I parked next to Humphrey and Lilly got out. She greeted him as always. With a warm hug and kiss on the lips. Shaky however said a quick hi and then got in my car, sitting in the passenger seat as he knew I wouldn't get out until the bell rang.
"Hey" he said with an awkward smile, leaving the door open.
"Hey Shaky… could you please shut the door?' I asked with a yawn.
"Oh yeah. Sorry" he said, doing as I asked.
"Thanks" I said, tasting my arm on the steering wheel for cushioning as I did the same with my head, shutting my eyes.
"Kate… I know your mom might be really mad, but I really think it would be best if you slept in today" Shaky suggested. I groaned at the thought of climbing back in bed and passing out. My cold, lonely bed. The one that now made my heart shatter whenever I thought of it.
"I can't… I've missed too much" I said, keeping my head on my arm and my eyes shut. I felt a hand on my back which made me relax.
"You're not getting anything out of this anyway. Why don't you just go home, skip today" Shaky suggested again. I groaned again.
"No… moms been more than kind to me. I should just…" I lost my train of thought as I dozed off.
"Kate… I'm worried about you" Shaky said.
"Don't be Shaky don't be… people are gonna look at me like I'm some sort of attention whore" I said, reaching out to him with my other hand clumsily, not even looking. I could feel the pockets of his jean jacket which was enough for me. I gave them two quick pats and then yawned again.
"Kate… what are you doing after school?" Shaky asked.
"Hmmm, Rick," I answered tiredly.
"Kate, come on. You need rest. If you're not gonna go home now, at least do it after school" Shaky said. Just then the bell rang. It made sense considering how long it took for me to get here. I raised my head, taking a deep breath.
"That's our queue" I said, looking over at Shaky who looked worried.
"Kate," he said simply. I offered a slight smile and patted him on the shoulder this time.
"Hey. I've been through worse" I said. Shaky looked at me unsure. He sighed and then stepped out of the car. I mirrored him, making sure to lock up before heading inside. On my way to class Winter, Candy and Sweets walked alongside me, trying to talk and see how I was. I told them I was fine and then just sorta kept on walking. They didn't ask me anything else. I guess they saw the state I was in. classes felt long and drawn out. Next week we would start our final exams and if I was being honest I had no fucking clue what these teachers were talking about. I felt bad for being short with my friends, but because of my sleep schedule I was being really short with them. I would make it up to all of them but right now, Rick was my priority. I hadn't felt this fucked up with sleep in so long, but it only really got bad once I started coming to school again. Everything was fine on Monday once everyone came to the hospital and I had some talks with Shaky and Lilly.
I was sitting there in my usual spot, holding Rick's hand and waiting for him to wake up. When everyone walked through the door frame I turned to it and smiled with a sigh of relief. It was Humphrey, Lilly and Shaky. All of them in which looked as though they were anxious to see what was going on.
"Hey guys" I greeted before turning back to Rick.
"Hey Kate… so he's finally making progress?" Humphrey asked, walking over to me and kneeling next to the bed.
"Yeah… he's coming back to us" I smiled, keeping my eyes on my lover. Lilly walked over to the other side of the bed. Shaky followed her and stood next to her, looking down at the unconscious wolf. It didn't take long however for Lilly to look up and over at me. I felt a small ache in my chest as I caught it out of the corner of my eye. I looked up to make eye contact with her, looking ashamed of myself. Lilly seemed sad, looking at me as if she wanted to apologize.
"Hey guys… I know we just got here but… could I have a moment with Kate?" Lilly asked. Humphrey looked at me for a second before locking eyes with Shaky. I think both of them already knew what she wanted.
"Of course… we'll be… right outside" Shaky said, digging his hands in his pockets and then walking out the door as Humphrey followed right behind him. I watched the pair leave, Humphrey shutting the curtains as I dare not to turn to my sister.
"Kate? I know it might be a bad time but… I just felt wrong standing here after what happened" she said. I didn't turn to face her, I just kept staring at the curtain, trying to hold in tears as I bit my lips again. "Kate, could you please look at me?" Lilly pleaded. It took a moment of building courage and telling myself to just go ahead and do it, but eventually my eyes darted to my right where my sister stood. I could see that Lilly looked a bit more saddened now. "You don't have to feel guilty about what happened… I mean you're here every single day… I just needed to cool off that day, it was in the moment" Lilly explained.
"I know… it doesn't excuse what I did though. Not to you, not to Humphrey… not to Rick" I said, looking down at him again. I just felt so bad that I almost cheated on him and why? Because I was feeling sad? How pathetic could one wolf get?
"Kate… I feel like we've had this conversation before… you blame yourself constantly for things that are out of your control. I don't know how many times people can tell you the same thing… your not what's wrong, your not the problem, and your not a bother… you're just broken… we all are but you… maybe even Rick… you guys have been hit the hardest, and you need each other, and for him to just be torn away from you… you were probably looking for similar comfort. That's why you did what you did with Humphrey, and almost Shaky" Lilly explained, making my ear perk up as my heart skipped a beat. I looked up again.
"He told you about that?" I asked. Lilly had a look on her face as if she had just caught herself. She had said too much. She nodded with the same expression as before.
"Yeah… he did… but he's doing better" Lilly said. I sighed.
"I hope so. I made him feel useless when I tried to kill myself… he helped me so much… I just didn't want to be around when I found out that I might lose Rick again… I couldn't go through that… I still beat myself up over it, and no amount of convincing will tell me otherwise" I explained sadly.
"I know when Rick wakes up… all of this will go away. You'll have love again. The nightmares will stop, the hard emotions will stop. Everything will be better for all of us" Lilly explained as I began to sob.
"I… I have t-to tell him wh-what happened between us… I ha-have to t-t-tell him about… about Angel'' I replied before breaking down and crying, covering my face. Lilly stayed quiet for a moment as she thought of a response.
"Telling him about what happened to Angel is gonna be hard no matter what. But Humphrey… nothing even really happened" Lilly said.
"H-he should st-still know" I cried. Lilly sighed.
"Well… I'm sure you won't have to do that alone either… just don't tell him right away" she said. I began to shake my head.
"I won't, I won't" I sobbed. Lilly walked over and wrapped an arm around me, holding me close as I cried. I turned to cry into her chest, hugging her back. I was just so upset that even when Rick did wake up we still weren't out of the woods, even if he was perfectly fine. When would we get our happy ending? It seemed like such a lie, something that could never happen. We stood like that for some time until eventually Lilly went to bring the others back in. Shaky had mentioned that he wanted to tell me something but never did. I guess he thought it wasn't the right time. Can't say I could blame him. Although it did peak my curiosity.
The bell rang for our final period, everyone stood up and practically ran as fast as they could out the door. I however was slow, putting everything in my bag before making my way to my car. I guess I took so long that Humphrey and Lilly left, leaving just Shaky and I as he waited for me at his car. He was leaning on the trunk as he stared down at his phone. I walked over to him, leaning on the car as well and trying to take a peek at his phone. He appeared to be texting somebody. Because of my sleepy vision however I couldn't see who he was texting or what they were saying to each other. He put his phone away as soon as I leaned against his car, sliding it in his pocket and facing me.
"Hey… you alright?" he asked. I shrugged.
"I don't know anymore, Shaky," I pouted. He frowned, pulling me into a hug and patting my back. I returned the hug, trying not to fall asleep from the comfort that he offered.
"It'll be okay. I think you know that Humphrey and Lilly already left. Lilly asked me to tell you" he said. A cool breeze swept through, blowing my long hair a bit and making me catch more of Shaky's scent. It was a scent of comfort now. One that I needed to help with things. I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose, making him chuckle. I opened them slightly and brushed his back. The material of his jean jacket felt rough on the fur that coated my hand.
"How nice of her" I replied finally. Shaky sighed.
"You know we could do something just us two if you want. I could tell Stephanie that something came up" he offered. That was right. Those two began hanging out again.
"No, it's fine. You two hang out, I'm just gonna go to the hospital anyway" I said. Shaky sighed, beginning to sway me gently back and forth as the hug continued.
"I still think you should get some sleep," he said.
"I can sleep there," I said. Shaky broke the hug to look me right in the eyes, cupping my left cheek with his hand.
"No Kate, you should sleep at home, in your bed… why do you do this to yourself?" he asked. I could see worry in his eyes as he looked into mine.
"I don't mean too… I just miss him so much" I replied. Shaky let go of my cheek and put his hand in his pocket.
"I know you do Kate…" he said. There was a silence for a second before I thought to ask him something. The thing I was thinking of in class.
"Hey Shaky… what did you want to tell me at the hospital?" I asked. Shaky had a look of confusion for a moment before he remembered.
"Oh yeah. It's not really important" he said with a nervous laugh, now avoiding eye contact. I smiled and hit his arm playfully.
"Come on, I want to know," I said. Shaky turned back to me and smiled.
"It's good to see you smile again" he said, making me blush a bit.
"Tell me" I whispered. Shaky sighed, leaning on his car again. I leaned on it as well, looking at him as he stared down at the parking lot.
"So… Stephanie and I… we kinda… sorta… started having sex" he admitted. My smile faded for a moment, not because I was upset but because I was surprised.
"Really?" I asked. His eyes looked at me as he winced.
"Yeah… about a week ago she invited me over… one thing led to another and…" he began.
"Is that what you were gonna do?" I asked, my smile now returning. It wasn't a big one, just a small warm one that offered comfort. That's what he needed Kate. comfort from a broken wolf.
"Yeah… I've been over there a lot lately, mostly when I'm not at work" Shaky explained. I giggled, grabbing his attention again.
"Well don't let me stop you. Go make love to her" I said.
"It's not like that… this it's just… it's just sex… sex with a friend. Until me and Angel are back together… I'm not moving on from her" Shaky explained, his tone and face dropping, making my smile fade as well.
"So… it's like what we would've had if-"
"Yeah… exactly like that" Shaky said. There was more silence, nothing but the steady breeze as buses began to drive away. I put a hand on his shoulder.
"Well… I'm happy for you… Angel would be too" I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Shaky squeezed his eyes shut with a smile as he accepted the kiss, giving me a warm smile as I pulled away. I smiled back. "Go… don't worry about me" I said.
"I still love you Kate," Shaky replied.
"I love you too" I said, giving his cheek a brush. He brushed my hand with his and then turned away, going to get in his car. He stopped once he reached the door however.
"Listen… if you need anything, anything at all… you reach out to me okay? I'm always here for you" Shaky said. I smiled at him, giving him a thumbs up as I walked backwards to my car. He chuckled and hopped in, starting up and pulling off. Once I got in my own car I felt alone again. I was happy that everyone was doing their own thing, not letting me slow them down anymore. At the same time though I hated being alone. Rick… please wake up.
The ride to the hospital was the same as the others, as was my check in and walk to his room. The staff greeted me as always as I made my way to the room, finally pulling the curtain back to see that my chair was still in its spot. I shut the curtain and sighed, walking over to my mate and taking a seat, grabbing his hand again. I held it with both of mine, looking over at him before I began to talk to him.
"I'm back… again… I haven't gone anywhere despite everyone trying to pull me away from you somehow. Schools been… a nightmare. It sucked without you before, it sucks even more now. My sleep is worse than ever. Not only am I still having nightmares but now I have to wake up for classes. I'm not even getting an education out of this. Once things go back to normal I might have to re take some things… but you'll be there so… it won't be so bad… I just… I can't tell you how much I miss you. I want so badly to go to sleep but I know when I do it'll just be another horrifying nightmare and then I'll wake up again not wanting to go back to sleep… I'll have no one to cuddle and keep me warm… no one to kiss and nuzzle… no one to talk to… I guess it's not so bad though because… I always get to come and see you… alive… not like I thought before… I'm so grateful that you're alive. I don't know where I would be if you weren't. If this is bad then I can't imagine… I just… I just hope that your dreams are sweet. I hope you're dreaming of us or your sister, or whatever makes you happy… hopefully you're not in some never ending nightmare, or loop of what happened to you… I just hope you're dreaming of a perfect world where we're all together… happy… remember what people used to tell us? That most high school relationships don't work out? Well here we are… proving them wrong… again… not many lovers would be by your side for so long… and I know you would do the exact same for me… you've done it before, maybe not as long but… I know you would do the same. I know you would fight, and be here for me, I know you would never give up, and I know that you would be… shattered… but still I miss you… I miss you every second of every day, and I want nothing more than for you to come back to me… we still have that money of yours to start our life. No one has touched it, not a dime… we can start the life we deserve when you wake up… if you still want to be with me… honestly I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. Everything I've caused… everyone around me tells me that it was out of my control, or not my fault but no matter what they say, none of this would have happened to any of us if I didn't exist… the world would be a better place… I don't deserve you, so why do you still love me? Crave me? Want me? Maybe you don't… if you didn't I would be shattered but I would understand… but I know you… you love me and I love you, and that's never gonna change. We'll get through it. Anything… no matter what, even after… Even after you learn what happened we'll get through it… our love for each other is strong and one day you'll prove it to me… we'll have a family, a career, love, passion, everything… but you gotta wake up… please Rick… please wake up… I love you… I love you… I'll be by your side no matter what I promise. I just… I love you" I said, kissing his hand.
I gave it three pecks in between I love you's and began to sob, putting my head to his hand. I didn't know how much longer I could take it. I wanted my family back. Rick, Angel, everyone. I wanted them back, the way things were and the fact that it would never go back killed me, but I still had my soul mate, the love of my life. He just needed to come back to me, and the wait was killing me. I sobbed as I rested on his hand, ready to cry myself to sleep when I felt movement. My heart almost stopped as I looked up, looking over to Rick as he squeezed his eyes shut, wincing. Finally something happened that I never thought I would see again. I stared at him with tears in my eyes as I watched him… open his eyes and turn to me. I stood quiet, looking at him as tears ran down my face, my heart racing. He said nothing as he stared at me, but he didn't need to. I started to hyperventilate as I smiled, wrapping my arms around him and making him groan.
"Rick!" I screamed with joy, pulling him in and planting kisses on his cheek. "You're back! I missed you! I missed you so much!" I said in between smooches. I pulled away to look at him again with a smile, wiping tears with one hand as I continued holding his hand with the other. "Rick I… I thought I lost you" I said finally.
"Who… who are you?" Rick asked, making my heart drop all over again as my smile faded and my hope was lost for the third time.