…The Disillusioned Of Winter…

/Warning/: This chapter contains: cursing, sadness, angst, a little bit of violence, fluff, so many feelings, and sad cinnamon roll Winter! All reviews are appreciated.

P.S: This is an Omegaverse story as in Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics; it also deals with the standard Winter Soldier's warnings, with that be careful and enjoy!

"Character talking"

"Character thinking"

…Flashbacks…

Chapter 13

The air was awkward around the modern-sized office as all three figures inside kept glancing at one another nervously… well, Daniel and Steve kept glancing at one another before gazing at Winter, while the Omega continued to sit as still as stone and gaze at the distance without a care in the world. Daniel pressed his lips into a tight line as he tried to think of something to say and break the silence, and wondering at the same time if it was going to work and make the Omega in front of him talk… really talk… and not just chronic everything that happened to him without apparent care.

Two sessions had passed, and in both of them, Winter had done nothing but say everything that happened to him in what seemed like to be a bored voice, as he spoke of crimes and experiments that were against humanity; it always made Daniel so baffled how cold and detached Winter was when he talked about what happened to him as if he doesn't care about what he suffered for decades and decades or if what happened to him was just a show on TV that he couldn't relate to. As much as Daniel wanted his fellow Omega to open up, he was met with failure every time he tried a new approach; it always ended up with a sleepless night as Daniel stay up reviewing the files with Shuri and Sam, hoping to find something that would give him the key to breaking the hard shell Winter encased himself in.

The minutes passed in silence as Daniel once again tried to prompt Winter to talk to him, to tell him about what he thinks and what he needs, instead of narrating what happened to him with the same cold detachment that encased the Omega… after half an hour, Daniel narrowed his eyes as he tilted his head, noticing how Winter was sitting straight and trying to appear relaxed; Daniel bite his lower lip as he studied Winter for the next few minutes, and he had to stop himself from raising his eyebrow in surprise at the reaction he received, finally noticing the smalls twitches and microexpression Winter was giving off. Every time, Winter spoke of something happening to him from his time outside of the Cryo, he would look up to Steve with a hopeful look on his face, as if he was expecting to be praised, either for how he acted or how he followed the orders Hydra gave him; something that Steve didn't notice, or maybe he was trying to ignore and not encourage. But what made Daniel narrow his eyes, was how Winter seemed to be annoyed when Steve's attention wasn't directed at him; how he bristle every time Steve directed his questions to Daniel or even gaze at him… the look on Winter's face, reminded him of the past session when Steve had accidentally said the name Bucky instead of Winter, which caused the Omega to still in his place with a murderous look on his face the whole session; forcing Daniel to cut the session short after the once too many, snarls directed at him.

With a half-form plan in his mind, Daniel turned toward Steve who was looking uncomfortable when a long period of silence stretched out in front of them. "Can you leave the room for a while?" Daniel asked, giving Steve a pointed look before subtly pointing at Winter, which got him a frown from Steve before the Alpha accepted to leave reluctantly; in all of this Winter was glancing at Daniel and Steve in confusion, getting more agitated and panicked when Steve didn't allow him to follow him out of the room but directed him softly to sit back in his place. In all of this, Daniel bite his lower lip in deep thought, studying the first visible reaction he got from Winter, who for the past week had only shown reaction two times; once when Bucky's name was mentioned, and now, when Steve left the two of them alone. "So… do you know why I asked Steve to leave us alone?" Daniel asked, closing the notebook in his hands as he turned his full attention to Winter, who was glaring at Daniel as if he was planning to kill him, and maybe he was, no one can guess anything when the Omega continued to act like a blank page.

Winter continued his silence, glaring at Daniel as he leaned back on his chair, the panic that had crossed his face and the agitation he was feeling not a few seconds ago vanished into thin air, and Daniel had to tilt his head as he wondered if he had imagined them. After what seemed like a long time, with Winter doing nothing but glare at him hatefully, not even humoring him by talking or answering his question. "No…" Winter all but spat after Daniel had given up, causing the Omega to raise an eyebrow in surprise at the fact Winter answered him, instead of the word he all but spat in his face.

"It is because I think you got the wrong idea about what therapy is supposed to mean," Daniel stated, going straight to the point and not circling around the bush; his words though, caused his fellow Omega to still in his place, and if Daniel studied his eyes more, he knew he would see the panic in those icy blue eyes. "Therapy is not a way to get approval from Steve, and show him how unaffected and uncaring you are by what happened to you; Gods know how Steve nearly had a panic attack every time you told him what Hydra did without giving a damn." Daniel knew he shouldn't curse in front of one of his patients, but he knew that deep down, Winter was not one to care about niceties if it didn't mean it would get him what he want; Daniel blinked not so surprised when he added 'Manipulative' in Winter's mental file. "Therapy is a way for you to get better; a way to help you to handle the emotional difficulties you are going through. So you can function better and increase your well-being and healing… not a way to gain Steve's approval and have him say 'Good job'." Daniel studied how angry Winter was becoming and he couldn't help but hum a little tilting his head as he asked his next question. "So tell me, what do you really feel?" Daniel waited with anticipation coursing through him, wanting to know what answer his fellow Omega prepared for him.

"I feel fine…" Winter all but hissed through his teeth, causing Daniel to purse his lips tightly as he let an annoyed sigh through his nose as he continued to study the Omega who looked ready to bolt any minute now, to go and look for Steve; closing his eyes for a second, Daniel wondered if the next words he spoke would summon his death, still, he opened his eyes and gaze at the Omega.

"I wonder if Bucky Barnes would have said the same thing." The words didn't leave Daniel's lips completely before he saw how Winter stiffen like a wooden board as he heard his name (His real name), and a murderous glare took over his face. "At least Bucky knew what I meant… poor Steve…" Daniel knew he shouldn't goad Winter like this, not when the man had suffered enough as it is; but Daniel needed him to react, he needed him to produce a reaction other than the passive acceptant Winter seemed to live in. "…Seventy years looking for his mate, and he found Bucky like this…" And that seemed to do the trick as Winter let out a snarl and slammed his fist on the coffee table so harshly that the wood broke under his fist, causing a shiver of terror to run down Daniel's spine for a second before he gathered himself and looked at the Omega.

"My name is Winter, not Bucky!" Winter shouted his fist clenched tightly; Winter looked a second away from jumping over the broken table and punch Daniel in the face. "Alpha doesn't need Bucky! Bucky was weak, he was useless; he did nothing but bring pain and punishment! Bucky deserves nothing but death!" Winter hissed, his words causing Daniel to hum as he gazed at the Omega, noticing how the storm seemed to brew behind his eyes.

"Is that so? Then tell me, how does that make you feel to always be compared to Bucky Barnes?" Daniel asked, and he got a growl in response, for a second Daniel wondered if Steve was going to come inside the room before he shook his head; he finally made a progress with Winter he was not ready to lose. "Does it make you angry that the only thing everyone talks about is Bucky? Does it make you sad to realize that you killed a major part of yourself? You realized now, what I am talking about don't you?" Daniel asked, relaxing when he saw Winter twitch at his last question and continued to stare at him, after what seemed like an eternity, Winter sat in his chair once more and continued his glaring. "So… what do you feel?" Daniel asked once more, this time leaning forward a little as he waited for what Winter was going to say while wishing that his words finally broke through the ice encasing Winter.

"Furious…" Hissed Winter as he let out a growl, his eyes were blazing with fire as Daniel perked at the words he heard. "It makes me furious! Why do people always compare me to him when he died? He is dead; he is not the one who is sitting here. I am sitting here, so why does everyone get it wrong?" Daniel couldn't help relaxing as the tension left his body, his eyes getting soft as the realization that his words finally reached Winter.

"Because you never made a move to open up about what you feel…" Daniel stated, his words causing Winter to narrow his eyes, seeming to get angry all over again, but Daniel didn't mind that one a bit, in fact, he welcomed the show of emotions that Winter was doing. "Do you know the difference between us and the dead?" Ask Daniel suddenly, his words seemed to cause confusion, as Winter stopped his growling and gazed at Daniel waiting. "It's those feelings you tried desperately to bury down and get rid of… you are no different than Bucky Barnes; the two of you are one, you can't live without each other and never would… but if what you said is true, and that Bucky Barnes is dead... then part of you is dead, and as much as you want to deny it, you are following him slowly… that's why Steve brought you here, so he can save you; the last piece of his mate…" Daniel couldn't help the sad pang in his heart when he noticed the angry tears in Winter's eyes; Winter who looked one step away from breaking into tiny pieces. "Today when you get back home with Steve… I want you to pull him aside and talk to him… tell him what you are feeling, don't fear his reaction and what you think he would say… Steve is a good man, and I know you know that too." Daniel stated, standing up and directing Winter outside of his office; to his not-surprise he saw Steve leaning on the wall opposed to the door, giving Daniel a tired but grateful smile when Winter all but jump in his embrace, shaking as he started crying and holding into the Alpha tightly…

Daniel wondered if he did the right thing…

"Is he OK?" Pepper whispered to Steve, her eyes not moving from Winter, whose head was leaned against the window of the living room, gazing at the snow outside with a detachment look on his face and dead eyes, causing concern to take hold of Pepper.

Steve, to who the question was directed, stopped cutting the vegetables for the stew and let out a tired sigh before a small smile took over his lips, even if it looked more like a grimace than a smile. "Daniel finally managed to go through to him… made him open up a little…" Steve whispered, his eyes trailing toward Winter with a sad look in his eyes, but the Alpha just shook his head and returned back to chopping the vegetables. "He didn't like it, and I don't blame him… sometimes it's terrifying to have all of your forts broken down in seconds and be left defenseless," Steve mumbled to himself, causing Pepper to frown and look back toward Winter who didn't move from his place ever since Steve and he got back from therapy. Pursing her lips, Pepper narrowed her eyes in deep thoughts, her mind seeming to run at a fast pace as she tried to come up with a solution to the problem, when she found it, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped a little; when she turned to Steve, she saw him watching her with a knowing look and amused smile on his face. "The tools are in the shed." That was what Steve said as he returned once more to preparing the dinner, his mood seemed to be lifted a little as a soft smile was took residence on his face; not for the thousand times, Pepper couldn't help but wonder about the insane power of observing her guardian had, but at the same time, she was happy she didn't have to explain her plan as she all but run to the shed to prepare everything.

It didn't take a long time to get everything ready and out of the shed, maybe a half hour top and several trips to get all the needed tools to where she wanted them; with that, Pepper all but marched inside the cabin, planning on calling Winter out with her… not without trying to get over the near panic attack at the thought of her and The Bucky Barnes (Even if he chose the name Winter as his new identity) being alone without Steve acting as the peacemaker if something went wrong. "Hey, Winter…" Pepper called out when she stood in front of the Omega, who blinked and turned to her when she called his name with the same detachment look; when Pepper looked around hoping that Steve would be there to help her, the Alpha was nowhere to be found, leaving Pepper alone, where she would be the one who had to ask Winter... great... "Do you want to come with me outside? I… well… I am going to re-plant the garden outside, so I was hoping you could help me…" Pepper stuttered, not even knowing what to do, and how to ask the Omega in front of her to come with her to what was equal to the backyard and help plant the garden.

Winter gazed at Pepper with a long and hard look, causing her to shift in her place, not knowing what to do or say, while she wondered if she did something wrong; before Pepper retracted her offer and leave, Winter asked her a question that made her still in her place. "What is a 'Garden'?" Winter asked in a rasped voice, causing Pepper's eyes to widen and for her jaw to nearly drop before she managed to control herself and give a blink in surprise.

"Well… it is…" Pepper tried to explain, not knowing what the right words she could use to explain to Winter, never in her life had she heard a question like this; a question that wiped all the answers from her mind and left it blank. "Why don't you come with me and I would explain while we work?" That's what Pepper managed to say after what seemed like an eternity, smiling at Winter gently when the Omega blinked and stood up, nearly following Pepper outside as he was if Pepper didn't remind him to wear one of Steve's coats (Not like he was going to miss it or wear it in the first place) and give him an extra pair of gardening boots. "I just have to clean all the snow and we will start our garden." Pepper stated gently as she headed to one of the sites she knew was covered by plastic sheets to protect the soil (Being grateful to Steve all the way for taking care of the garden in her absence even when he doesn't have time for it) finding the edge of the sheet, Pepper then continued to pull it, while brushing the snow away, revealing the soil bellow that was covered with leaves.

In all of this, Winter did nothing but gaze at the land that was exposed, walking toward it slowly, and crutching down, his eyes following every move Pepper did with a narrow look. "Is this a garden?" Winter asked, pointing at the soil, before lowering his hand to touch the dirt, a surprised look took over Winter's face when he no doubt noticed how warm the soil was compared to the surrounding ground that was covered with ice.

"It is the start of one…" Pepper smiled before she brought the rest of the tools with her, putting them between her and Winter, as she bite her lower lip ad started her tale. "When I was young… I hated everyone and everything… hated my family for abandoning me and not fighting for me when the military came to our home… hated the military for turning me into nothing but an experiment when I was nothing but a child… hated the thought that I killed the only person who protected me and causing his mate to suffer…" Pepper sent Winter a glance, watching him gaze at the soil without turning toward her, and she wondered for a second if he would ever remember that she was the one who caused his mate and unborn child's death. "When I was young… I learned how to build forts to protect myself… learned to do whatever I had to do to ensure my safety… no matter what the price was going to be, even if it meant manipulating anyone and everyone around me to perceive me as nothing but a sniffling pup who is always obedient to their masters… and then, Steve saved me…" That caused Winter to look at her, his eyes shining with recognition at the tale he heard as he swallowed tightly, and opened his mouth.

Several minutes passed with Winter opening and closing his mouth before he finally asked the question on his mind. "What did you… what did you do… later? After Alpha saved you? Did he bring you to…?" Winter ended up whispering, and even Pepper knew what he truly meant by his question.

"I was angry for a long time; furious even. Even when Steve raised me as his own after we settled here because for him, being on the run was no way to raise a child… I still hated everything… but what I despised was going to therapy… I hated feeling exposed and for all of my forts to be destroyed when I spent years building them… I fought and fought… said some nasty stuff, and done nastier stuff too…" Pepper admitted, pressing her lips tightly as she remembered how a menace she was when she was younger, she remembered how Steve was patient with her no matter how much nasty stuff she spat at him, and how she went so far as to bring his dead mate into most of their arguments; to this day Pepper wondered how Steve never once raised his hand or voice at her when she did nothing but insult him and his mate. How truly a saint he was for accepting that she had some good in her even when she was nothing but a problematic child who brought people knocking on his door to complain about her and how she once again started fights with the other kids; Pepper knew that anyone other than Steve would have kicked her out of the house for or even hit her, she knew she would have given her past self a smack or two and tell her to get her act straight… but Steve never once did that, he just gave a tired sigh and went on his way trying to repair the damage she had done. "One day, I was so angry that I started another fight with a boy who was older than me… hurt him so bad that he had to be sent into the hospital… he nearly died… I never forgave myself when the parents came into Steve's home and ended up giving him the punishment that was meant for me…" Pepper swallowed tightly, and if she closed her eyes, she could see Steve standing still as the boy's father punched him in the face repeatedly and broke his nose, but in all of that, Steve never once raised his hand to stop the man or ordered him to stop. "That night, Steve... he… he brought me here and told me to plant a flower for every person I hurt either by my words or my actions… I didn't know why he would this to me… thought it was stupid, and that if he wanted to punish me, he should hit me instead of having me do this stupid thing." Pepper raised her hand to brush a stray tear away, swallowing harshly as she tried to control herself. "But once I started planting the flowers… I couldn't stop… there were so many flowers to plant… so many people that I have hurt, and would have continued to hurt if I didn't stop… took me the whole night to complete my list… I knew then I needed to change my ways and how I acted or else… I would spend my whole life planting a field and never having enough time to finish my list…" Pepper shuddered as she took a deep breath gazing at Winter who was looking at the soil with a blank look on his face.

"I don't think one night would be enough for me…" Winter suddenly stated, gazing at the soil as he started to play with it with his hand, his words breaking Pepper's heart as she took in how Winter looked around the forest behind the cabin with a thoughtful look on his face as if considering planting the rest of the flowers there.

"You are wrong…" Pepper said, her hand going to the packs of seeds before taking a bag of Forsythia as she prepared to plant them. "What you did when you were with Hydra was on them, you didn't have a choice… but here, now, you are the one responsible for your action, and the people you are going to hurt because you refused to get better." That caused Winter to swallow and started to dig a hole into the ground using his finger. "It is scary… it is unpleasant… and you will most definitely get sad or furious when you are going to therapy… sometimes you wish that you killed yourself, and other times you wish you had killed those who caused your pain and made you into this… this broken version of what you used to be… but believe me it would get better in the end, and when that happened… you would find yourself planting flowers not because you have to, but because you want to and you enjoy planting them because they make you happy." Pepper then ripped the package open and turned to Winter who was looking at the seeds in her hands.

"Will… will Alpha like me better if I… if I did that?" Winter asked in a small voice, the fear and hope warring in his eyes as he gazed at Pepper, no doubt hoping that she would say yes… that question more than ever, made Pepper swallow harshly because… wasn't that what she thought when she was younger?

"No… when you get better… you get better for yourself because you wanted to get better not because you are doing it for someone else…" Winter's face dropped, and Pepper had to swallow hard when she noticed how Winter was clenching his hand and trying to hide the angry tears in his eyes. "Steve loves you, Winter… he spent his life loving you, and nothing will change that," Pepper reassured, getting a snarl in return.

"No! He spent his life loving Bucky Barnes, not me… it will never be me!" Winter snapped nearly shouting his hurt to the whole world to hear, and to say the truth, Pepper was more surprised at how Winter was standing up and opening up about his pain than him shouting at her.

"That's because you never gave him the chance to know you!" Pepper responded fast before Winter got up to go back into the cabin and lock himself in his room; when Pepper saw how Winter stilled in his place she used this time as her chance to explain. "You never opened yourself to him, never told him what you hate and like… what you wish for and hope would happen… you just told him you wanted him as your mate and used Bucky's memories to make that happen… you did everything in your power to act like Bucky Barnes and then deny being him… Steve... is confused, and hurt too… just because he is an Alpha doesn't automatically mean he has all the answers in the world or that he knew how to act when put in an impossible situation. He loves you, he wants to treat you right; he wants to love this side of you if you would just let him, but he can't do that when he doesn't know who Winter really is… talk to him… explain… tell him your fears and what you want him to do because if you don't… then you would never be more than Bucky Barnes's ghost for the rest of your life…" That made Winter swallow harshly, his hand clenching into a tight fist as he looked at the cabin and then back at Pepper several times before he came and sat harshly on the ground his hand extended toward Pepper's; it was a few seconds later that Pepper realized that Winter wanted the package of seed, and she gave a small smile as she put a few seeds in Winter's palm before she instructed him what to do, how to plant, and what the seed needed to grow up into a full bush that would give flowers…

Pepper hoped that she did the right thing and opened Winter's eyes a bit…

"I hate being Bucky Barnes…" Winter mumbled, gazing at Steve who was changing his shirt as he prepared for bed, his words stopping the Alpha and causing him to turn and give his attention to the Omega with a confused look on his face, but nevertheless, the Alpha came and sat on the edge of the bed, gazing at Winter with a look that told him to continue. That only made Winter swallow harshly, not knowing how to continue this line of thinking when he was half afraid that he would be ended up being punished; but Winter reminded himself that Steve would never hurt him because they were mates.

"I know that sweetheart… but you never told me why you really hate him…" Steve (And since when did Winter start to refer to Handler Rogers as Steve or Alpha instead of Handler?) stated softly, giving Winter an encouraging smile, causing Winter to swallow once more.

"He… he had everything I ever wanted…" Winter whispered, his hand clutching the empty sleeve of his sweater (Steve's) tightly, opening and closing his mouth several times before he finally got the courage to continue. "He had you… he had a baby… you two had a house together… and… and there were no pain and punishment… he was happy…" Winter's voice cracked as he said these words, and he had to stop for a moment to gather himself so he would continue. "But he… he decided to throw all of that away… he didn't want to listen… he couldn't accept the facts… he acted as he liked without taking a second to think things through… and he threw everything away!" Winter hissed his eyes stinging as if he was going to cry any minute now, and Gods above, does Winter hate showing weakness in front of anyone? But this was Alpha… Steve… and Winter needed him to understand why he hated being considered Bucky Barnes when all the Omega ever did was take everything for grant and rub it in everyone's faces. "And then you died, and the baby died, and he tried to change that and kill himself because he couldn't handle the truth that it was his fault…" That made Steve take a harsh breath, his eyes were wide as he gazed at him. "...because of him… I was punished daily for the mistakes he did; because of him I could never have another baby because when he got rid of the baby you had something went wrong… he was selfish… he was arrogant… and he always tried to punish me because I was wrong and should have never existed in the first place… I couldn't take that anymore, so I made him go away… if he was arrogant enough to throw his life away, then he didn't deserve it…" Winter confessed, waiting for Steve's reaction, waiting for the Alpha to get angry at him and punish him for getting rid of his real mate and take his place… a mate that was so ungrateful that he would sometimes wish he wasn't mated with Alpha, just because he couldn't handle the truth that Steve would always be sick and that he would die one day, but continued to act otherwise and stayed with Alpha because he refused to open his eyes and see and because of that, he lost both his baby and Alpha.

"I see…" Steve whispered his voice cracking as he looked up at the ceiling before blinking his eyes a few times as if trying to control his tears like Winter was doing. "And how… how did you get rid of him?" Steve asked, and Winter wondered to himself if he was doing the right thing by telling Alpha all of this, but Winter had had enough, he needed Alpha to know why he hate being Bucky and why he would never want to be called by this name even if it would mean his salvation from death.

"The Chair…" Winter mumbled, gazing at his hand that was still clutching the empty sleeve of his sweater tightly, shaking as he tried to calm himself. "He always does something wrong in front of the higher-ups… he always does it... intentionally… I knew, and he knew that I knew… so whenever he does something wrong I will get the punishment meant for him and when I do something right he will get the reward that was mine… but I… I was so tired… I didn't want to be punished anymore because I was wrong and that my existence was wrong… I never did anything wrong… I knew I was good, I did everything right… I…" Tears clouded Winter's eyes and before he knew it, they started sliding down his face, causing him to grimace and try to wipe them away, even when they continued to fall.

Winter all but jumped when he felt Steve's hands on his face, wiping his tears away as he was later pulled into the Alpha's chest, who whispered that. "Everything is OK… it is OK… I understand…" Which made tears run harshly down his face as he tried to calm himself down and continue, even when he wanted nothing more than to leave.

"I was just so tired… and he wouldn't stop telling me how everything was my fault and that I was the reason he lost his baby and mate… I couldn't take it anymore… and then he did something that made everyone so angry that they had to use The Chair again… I was tired; I was hurt, and I hated him so, so much… so when they strapped me in The Chair I just… just called him and left him there… I just wanted him to know how much it hurt to always be punished… just wanted him to know how much it hurt so he would stop doing everything wrong just to get me punished… but then… he was just… gone…" Winter sniffled, clutching Steve's sweater hard, hoping the Alpha won't get mad and punish him for protecting himself from the one who bullied him even after his death…

For a long time, Alpha stayed silent, and Winter waited tensely for the punishment that the Alpha was going to give him after knowing how he killed his first mate; instead of doing that though, Alpha just kissed his forehead and held Winter tightly. "It was not your fault…" Alpha ended up saying after another while of silence, letting out a shuddered breath as he tried to control himself. "Bucky… I think Bucky was tired too… and The Chair… I think he did that on purpose too… I… he… I think wanted to leave, but he couldn't do it unless he… unless he was sure that you can protect yourself against those who would hurt you…" Winter swallowed and nodded his head, not wanting to break the Alpha's heart by telling him that he would never believe such a thing even if it was true; being tormented by the ghost of Bucky Barnes for thirty years and knowing his every memory and the dark secret had built a solid picture in Winter's mind about the kind of person Bucky Barnes really was and nothing was going to change that, even the hopes of the Alpha whose heart Winter just broke. "Thank you for telling me this…" Steve whispered, kissing Winter's forehead once more, and receiving a hesitant nod from the Omega.

"Can I ask a question?" Winter mumbled in a small voice after a long while of silence, getting hum from the Alpha in return, and that was all the chance that Winter needed to ask the question that was eating at him from the inside out. "Why do you always refuse to activate The Blue Protocol? Do you… do you not want me as your mate?" Winter asked in a small voice, causing Steve to stiffen a little before he let out a tired sigh.

"Sweetheart…" The Alpha let out a breath as he bite his lower lip, causing Winter to shift in his place as his heart pounded inside his chest harshly. "You… you have been hurt enough… I just didn't… I didn't want to add more pain by taking advantage of you and forcing you into something you don't want and reminding you of what they did to you… not after… not after the babies…" Steve said, causing Winter to tilt his head in confusion trying to make sense of what his Alpha meant.

"But… I asked?" Winter stated/questioned; still confused about what his Alpha meant, what did the Alpha mean by forcing him into something? No one had ever initiated The Blue Protocol and lived to tell the tale, so Winter was sure that no one forced him into mating if Alpha meant his words like that. "I wanted to… I remembered… you and Bucky always did it… it didn't seem to hurt… so I thought…" Winter said in confusion because he clearly remembered how Barnes's memories of The Blue Protocol were always happy and showed enjoyment, not fear and pain.

That seemed to be Alpha's cue to be confused as he let out a confused nose before blinking several times. "But… but you call it a… a protocol… you had babies because of it…?" Steve said in a confused voice, causing Winter to blink and wipe his face and nose with the sleeve of his sweater, making the Alpha turn to the nightstand and take some tissues to clean Winter's face and nose.

"I didn't have babies because of The Blue Protocol… The Blue Protocol was made to have the strongest mate while eliminating the weakest ones… you don't need a mate to have babies; they did it using tools because the Alphas were weak and wouldn't have survived if The Blue Protocol was initiated…" Winter blinked even more as he saw the startled look on Steve's face who looked even more skeptical than he was before.

"I… see…" Steve mumbled, blinking several times, raising his hand to massage the bridge of his nose. "Who… who taught you this… this protocol?" Steve suddenly asked, causing Winter to blink, wondering how his Alpha didn't know about the Protocol when everyone in Hydra seemed to know about it and try to avoid it if they can.

"From the original user of the protocol; he is dead now, though, Hydra killed his mate so he went berserk and killed most of them before killing himself," Winter said, remembering how the Omega (If you can call him an Omega) shrieked and screamed as he ripped the hearts of those who dared to execute his mate in front of him; the original user of this protocol was cruel, dark, manipulative and hateful to everyone that wasn't his mate and strangely Winter when Bucky didn't make his presence known. 'Oh' was the only thing his Alpha managed to mumble, looking sick all of sudden as he ran his hand through his hair. "Will you… will you initiate The Blue Protocol?" Winter suddenly asked, already knowing the answer to the question but he wanted to see if the Alpha would ever change his mind.

Steve looked at him for some time before he snorted and then started laughing, causing Winter to let out a confused noise especially when he heard the Alpha mumble something about 'The attention span of a sparrow…' which was confusing, what did a sparrow had to do with their talk? "Look how about this… we will talk about what you told me today with Daniel on our next appointment, and if Daniel gave us the green light then fine, I don't mind, I will initiate the protocol or whatever." The Alpha mumbled causing Winter's eyes to widen and for his Omega to perk up happily before he all put throw himself in the Alpha's arms while purring like a cat and nuzzling the Alpha happily…

Winter should have 'Opened up' a long time ago if this was going to be the result…

So what do you think?

Finally, the chapter is done!

I had to rewrite the chapter so many times that I got a headache… writer block is not funny T^T

So the important question is… am I going to write smut in the next chapter or not? A huge part of me is all yes, but another one is hmmmmmm…. What do you think?

Oh, and starting in October, I do plan on posting some interesting new stories… mainly horror stories to welcome Halloween and all that jazz… either way, I am excited!

Read and Review

And tell me what you think…

Nazaki-Sama