Emily walked into the hospital a little later than usual the next morning. She had still made a stop on the way in to bring Hotch breakfast and coffee knowing he wouldn't eat if she didn't. And to recover properly he needed to eat.
When she walked into his room, he smiled back at her, "hi, I didn't think I would see you for at least a few more hours and looking a little worse for wear."
Emily shook her head answering, "nah, we did go out. Blake and I switched to mostly water after the 4th round. JJ and Garcia did not and are probably regretting their life choices this morning. Already had some coffee. I'm glad I went. Enjoyed spending time with the girls. I didn't tell them about work though."
They ate in companionable silence. When Hotch was done, Emily walked with him around the halls, the process much easier and less painful than it had been a day earlier.
When they returned to his room, Hotch sat on the side of his bed and took a sip of ice water. When Emily moved closer to him, he felt it was the right time. Now he just hoped that Haley and Dave were right. That what he had planned wouldn't destroy one of his closest friendships and have her running for the hills.
Emily looked at him curiously as he took both of her hands in his and nudged her to come closer to him. He really wished he could stand for this conversation but his body wasn't ready for that yet when he had just walked around the halls. Her concern about him if he tried would distract Emily from what he needed her to hear.
Looking her in the eye, he started, "thank you. Thank you for coming. For being here. For everything you are doing. Not just now but for years now."
"Hotch." Emily answered.
"I've missed you Emily." Hotch says and while looking into her eyes. He drops all of his walls letting her see all of the feelings behind his words.
When Emily gasped and tried to step back, he tightened his grip on her hands. If she really wanted to he knew she could still pull away particularly in his current condition. But he was hoping she wouldn't.
And she didn't. She continued to look into his eyes, seemingly looking for something specific. After a few moments, he knew she had found what she was looking for. Her body relaxed and she took a couple of steps closer to him. He loosened his grip on her hands but did not let go. Maintaining eye contact Emily answered, "I've missed you too." Hotch smiled at her response and brought her right hand up to his face and kissed it. He was reassured when she squeezed his hand as he did.
Before she could respond any further, there was a knock at the door. At the sound, he could feel Emily tense and try to move back but he kept a firm grip on her hands. They weren't doing anything wrong and he wasn't going to be embarrassed to be found like this with her.
When the door opened, it was his doctor and nurse. As they came up to the bed to talk to him he reluctantly let go of one of Emily's hands. After reviewing his progress, Hotch was discharged with strict instructions. The doctor explained that he concluded that the reaction he had seemed to be from the anesthesia as all of his tests looked good but to let them know if he had any problems.
After the doctor left, Emily offered to go to his apartment to get him different clothes. Hotch shook his head saying, "I'm just ready to go home. The sweatpants and t shirt still in the bag will be fine to wear." He wasn't ready to let her leave while they were still mid conversation.
From his experience with Emily he knew that she would spend the whole time she was gone over analyzing what had started between them this morning. He didn't want that. Not until he had had the opportunity to fully make his case. If at that point she wasn't interested, he would be disappointed but not fight her. However he did prefer to have the rest of their conversation in the more private setting of his apartment.
After the nurse reviewed his discharge instructions and gave him his prescriptions, Hotch let go of Emily's hand for the first time so he could get changed. While he did, Emily went around the room collecting his belongings. The last items to go in the bag were the clothes he had just taken off and his toiletry case.
####
Hotch carefully got dressed after getting out of the shower once they got back to his apartment. He felt better after being able to wash the hospital off of himself. He stopped after getting out and looked at his new scar. The shaved area that was now bruised would turn into yet another scar on his torso. And that didn't count the other ones on his body that he had accumulated over the years. He briefly remembered Beth's initial reaction to his scars as he considered that he wouldn't get that reaction this time. He knew that Emily had her own share of scars.
But, he sighed, nothing was guaranteed as they hadn't finished talking yet. The ride back to his apartment had been quiet with tension between them though neither of them wanted to continue their conversation in the car.
When they reached the apartment, he was reluctant to leave her to come shower. Emily recognized why he didn't want to leave her side and promised that she would wait for him so they could continue their discussion.
After dressing, he walked out of his room and down to the living room smelling something delicious as he got closer. Confused, he looked around wondering what he was smelling as he knew there hadn't been anything in his kitchen that would have created a mouthwatering smell. Given how little he had been home recently he was half way expecting to smell rotting food when they got there.
He was brought out of his thoughts when Emily walked out of the kitchen, surprised to see him standing there. "Oh you're done. Well, the food is almost ready."
"Where did you find edible food in my kitchen? I was expecting to have to throw most of it out when I got here." Hotch questioned.
Emily laughed, "yeah your fridge was pretty sad when I arrived. I cleaned it out then and put a box of baking soda in there. Then I went to the store."
"Emily, you didn't need to do that." Hotch stated.
"Hotch, you aren't going to be in any condition to grocery shop for a couple of weeks. It's fine. Consider it part of my thank you for letting me use your place. Besides, I'm eating here too." Emily replied not wanting him to feel bad.
"Thank you. Something else I appreciate you doing." Hotch answered as the oven buzzed in the kitchen.
Emily stood up replying, "let me go get that. Why don't you take a seat and I'll be right back?"
"This looks delicious." Hotch states aas Emily places their dinner on the table.
"Hope you like how it tastes as well. Is Jack coming home tonight?" Emily asked.
Hotch shook his head, "I talked to Jessica. They made plans with her dad tonight as they didn't think I would be home this quick so he will be home tomorrow."
While he was looking forward to having Jack home he couldn't say that he was completely upset that he was going to have a night alone with Emily so that they could talk.
"Ah OK." Emily answered.
"I hope that will give us time to talk." Hotch stated.
Emily nodded, "yes we should."
"Stay." Hotch blurted out. He had planned to say more but this is what ultimately came down to what he wanted.
"I can stay with you tonight if you aren't ready to be here by yourself." Emily agreed as she wanted to make sure he was safe tonight.
Hotch shook his head clarifying, "I mean stay here with me. With us. Don't go back to London. Don't go somewhere else. Don't leave again."
"Why do you want me to stay? What is different now than 2 years ago?" Emily asked after having been caught somewhat off guard by the depth of feelings he was showing her today. They had had a special connection for years but something seemed to have changed and she wasn't sure what it was. She wasn't opposed to returning to DC now. But she needed more information about his sudden request before she felt comfortable making any more life altering decisions.
Hotch sighed before he explained, "after Paris I could see you were struggling. I tried to help where I could, where I thought you would let me.
When you came to me with the job offer there was a light in your eyes that had been missing for months. I could see that the change was what seemed right to you at that point in time. I didn't want to but you needed me to let you go back then.
If you would have stayed because I asked, I was worried that you would have resented not having the opportunity to get away and heal and it would have hurt our friendship. That it would have precluded us from having anything more."
Emily nodded at his answer. He had correctly hit on how she was feeling when Clyde had offered her the job. When she had come back to find Declan she hadn't expected to stay, particularly after the investigation.
But the team had asked her to stay and she had agreed yet it ended up being a harder transition than any of them had expected. And as she started to get back into the work the cases just seemed so much worse. Everything was hard. She had tried to double down on reintegrating going as far as buying a house. But it had just made her feel further out of touch.
The offer from Clyde had been unexpected yet the more she had thought about it, the more that a change sounded like what she needed. Was she running away? Maybe. But she didn't see herself being able to maintain her current path. What she didn't know until later was the offer was a power move by Clyde. One he was still attempting to hold over her.
Interpol had been interesting and different enough to give her space. Not that it was any less busy, if anything it was more busy as she was starting just before London was hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics. But being primarily out of the field allowed her to step back somewhat while still focusing on the work.
And Hotch was right. Then she had needed the change and she would have regretted it if she had stayed as she just hadn't had it in her mentally to go on much longer.
Emily nodded, "you're right. At that point I needed that change. It was all too much but I didn't recognize the extent of that until later."
Hotch stood up and came to stand in front of Emily looking at her in the eyes. "I respected you enough to not make it about me and what I wanted. But Emily, I didn't want you to go. I missed you every day. I'm just hoping that now that you are planning a change that you will consider it."
Emily had been thinking about what was next since she had arrived at the hospital. She missed all of them and she could see that everyone on the team missed her as well.
While she had liked her position at Interpol and appreciated the opportunity, it was no longer as fulfilling as it had once been. If she was being honest, work hadn't seemed right since she had returned from London after taking Jack back to the States after their trip. That for months she hadn't known what she needed to do but it no longer felt that London was the right place for her. Clyde's ongoing interference in her personal life had been the final straw.
Emily shook her head, "are you sure this is what you want Hotch? I mean I'm complicated. And you just got out of a long term relationship. I don't want to risk our friendship. You are too important to me to risk that."
Hotch placed his hands on her shoulders responding, "you are important to me too Emily. I would never want to jeopardize our friendship. You would not be a rebound. Beth and I have been drifting apart since she moved to NYC a year ago. After the Replicator case, we were done except for making it official. We have barely talked since then."
"Will Jack be OK with it? Will Jessica?" She asked. While she wanted to be with him she knew that if Jack wasn't supportive then it wouldn't work. She wouldn't want it to work as she would never want to become a source of friction between Jack and Hotch.
"Jack loves you and will be thrilled. We can talk to him tomorrow when he gets home but I am positive he will love it. I know for certain Jessica is in favor of you sticking around, especially after the great time Jack had with you. She knows that Haley liked you. It will be enough for her that you make us happy."
Hotch pauses and then continues, "there is something else I want to tell you before you answer because I don't want you to think your answer affected this decision. I'm planning to leave the BAU. I want to be home more. I want to be able to do more with Jack. I can't plan to do with flying all over the country most of the time on short notice. I don't know if it will be full retirement or a different role either within the FBI or another agency but I will be making that professional change regardless."
Emily nodded, "I get it, believe me I get it. The BAU will miss you though you have prepared them to be able to continue the work. Does Dave know?"
Hotch nodded, "yes, I told him last night after the rest of you left. Derek is ready to take over as Unit Chief, has been for years now. If for some reason he doesn't want it then Blake would also be a good choice. If not Dave can step in until a new chief is hired."
Emily looked down before looking up to meet his eyes again as she replied, "I do have one more question for you before you get my answer."
"Of course, what is your question?" Hotch asked.
Emily smiled, "can I kiss you?"
Hotch smiles and leans in, meeting her halfway. When their lips met, what was supposed to be a gentle kiss to mark the start of their relationship given Hotch's current condition. However it quickly turned passionate as the walls they both had up for years suddenly were dropped. The kiss only stopped when they both needed to breathe. As they caught their breath, they rested their foreheads together.
"Yes, I'll stay for now. I think we owed it to each other to see what this is between us." Emily stated before leaning in to kiss him again.
AN: This was the penultimate chapter. I'm still working on the epilogue and will post as soon as it is ready.