aaaand we are back!
Just wanted to take a moment to promote my Patre0n since the holidays are coming in! Last year I wrote holiday specials for All We Are and this year I'll be writing extras (prequels) to All We Are! I also have an extra comic expanding the scene where Nat meets Ed and Nazz. Not to mention that if Regular KevEdd is more your speed than, I also have a countryside au 24 page comic!
With that, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Kevin knew that despite the smiles, soft stares and adoring kisses Eddward shared with him, that there was still a graveyard of nightmares that haunted the swimmer.
It was in the twitches from Eddwards fingers, and the heavy breathing and— depending on how terrible the nightmare— the soft cries of worry.
Kevin held Eddward's arm tightly, so tight that his own knuckles turned red. But it was all Kevin could do in these quiet moments of terror.
The freckled boy had learned that waking Eddward up wouldn't be the right solution. He'd wake in a gasp and deep desperation, eyes wild and scared, chest pounding.
So with every quickening breath, Kevin held on tighter.
Kevin always tried to get Eddward to talk the morning after in hope that the boy would ease his own mind, but Eddward was always so delicate about the nightmares. Never wanting to let Kevin know how bad they were.
Kevin wondered if Eddward thought he deserved them— The nightmares.
Maybe that was why he never wanted to talk about them. Always looking to numb them out instead, but that wouldn't do. They'd come back, and after Eddward had stopped with the pills… Kevin thought the nightmares were taking a heavier toll on the athlete.
Eddward did seem happy, Kevin observed. At least when they were together.
They'd snuck a couple of times back onto the school's rooftop after Eddward's swim practice. They'd stayed leaning against each other until the horizon couldn't be seen any more. Eddward wouldn't even reach for the cigarette packs, at least in those moments when they were together. Kevin was satisfied by this, hoping his desire to wean Eddward off those terrible addictions was coming into fruition.
Tonight Kevin had insisted on staying over. Eddward had been very hesitant about it as he was nowadays, but Kevin always won.
Kevin could tell Eddward stayed up long into the night, probably scared of what was to come once he closed his eyes. Tonight, Kevin had decided to pretend to sleep and felt Eddward's fingers pressing into his arm. As if making sure, even engulfed in darkness that Kevin was there beside him.
Eventually, Kevin turned over to wrap the other in a tight hug, and it seemed to have done the trick, as Eddward finally relaxed into the embrace and his chest steadied into sleep. Kevin had made sure to stay up but sleep had finally won him over. It wasn't until about four in the morning, that he began to feel Eddward's heavy breathing and twitching. Eddward's face was scrunched up as if in pain, alarmed Kevin sat up and held onto Eddward's arm tightly and whispered reassuring words wishing that would be enough to calm the boy down.
Eddward's face went from tight and compressed to terribly sad. Kevin frowned at this, lowering down to kiss Eddward on the cheek and press his forehead to Eddward's. What could you possibly be dreaming about, Kevin thought. Kevin held on tighter and Eddward's face relaxed, a long hand reached to hold on to Kevin's thigh, and Kevin noticed Eddward lightly blink his eyes open before falling back closed.
"I'm right here," Kevin said, kissing him on the cheek again.
Eddward said nothing but quietly hummed, long arms wrapping around Kevin bringing him back down. Kevin settled in Eddward's arms and sighed happily that Eddward was able to get through the nightmare.
They slept a few more hours, with no more disturbances.
Kevin was content with this.
…
"The whole school will be there," Kevin argued, his face stern with thoughtful worry, but his bottom lips bit in a manner of doubt. "The masked gang wouldn't dare."
"It's unexpected," Nazz argued, knowing in her gut this was a high possibility. "Worst case is, we are over prepared."
"That's the only thing we can do," Ed chipped in, scanning through the massive stack of papers he had in hand. "By the way… Nazz did you happen to take notes in your bio–"
Nazz slapped her opened notebook in front of Ed, she was hoping to compare with Ed and exchange. Having two different teachers in the same subject always helped to get ahead on the exam, or essays. "Where is Eddward right now? We should tell him."
"Making up a test at the principal's office," Kevin said, eyes on a hyper focused Ed. "Ed can catch him up to speed, they're meeting up before school ends, right?"
Nazz watched Ed give a hm and firm nodd, as he quickly, and messily wrote down extra notes on the paper's margins.
"Choice," Kevin grinned, his eyes going back down to his own assignments. But Nazz could see that Kevin's ears were flushed red, and it must be because of the mention of a certain shark. Now, more than ever, Nazz truly believed something did happen the night of the Spring Dance. She bit back her smile and leaned over to focus on what Ed was writing down.
"Ed, you'll be fiiine~" She sang, placing a hand on his nervous one scribbling on the paper like a madman.
"These grades are important," Ed said, a bit shyly. Then as if exasperated, stopped and ran a hand through his hair. "We are this close to applying for colleges," he began.
Nazz sat back in her chair with a knowing look, but she listened intently. Ed didn't like to share too much about his own inner turmoils, especially after all that was going on.
"I wanted to start early," Ed said, pulling out a form. "I think I know what I want to do and…"
"A summer internship?" Nazz said delighted to read over the form.
"Where?" Kevin asked.
"Lemon Brooke has a summer program at their local YMCA," Ed started.
"You want to get into counseling?" Nazz looked up from the form her chest filled with excitement and pride for her friend.
"Counseling?" Kevin repeated surprised.
"Psychology I guess," Ed said sheepishly, "I want to work with kids. I mean after everything we've seen, been through…Our community needs adults who get it and want to help and…" he trailed off with a shrug of his shoulders. "I can't help but wonder if a persistent adult had guided Sarah in a better direction then maybe…things would be different."
Nazz felt her blood run cold, and she lowered her eyes to the form. Ed…ever the gallant one, wasn't he? "It's very lovely of you, Ed" she said quietly, "You are going to be great."
Ed gave her an honest smile, his face flushed as Kevin grinned at him too, leaning over and wrapping an arm around the brunette's back encouragingly.
"Choice, Ed" Kevin said, fist bumping Ed.
"Anyways," Ed said with a shake of his hand as if brushing off the embarrassment. "Back to your present focus. It'll be hard to tell any masked gang members if they are there among the crowd at the swim meet, we haven't seen faces. Jimmy would be our only inside."
"If he wants to tell us," Kevin said, slumping down on the table again. "Slimy snake."
"Why would Jimmy not let us into what he knows?" Nazz said quietly, her eyes focused on the wooden spirals on the table. Maybe it was time for another one to one with the curly haired blonde.
"He likes the game," Kevin said with a frown, "Just like Sam."
"They're both insane," Ed said with an exasperated face, eyes closed as his shoulders slumped.
"I can't imagine what they'll be capable of when we're all out of here," Kevin said.
"A great menace, the both of them," Nazz replied. And she knew it was true.
"You think Jimmy will get out before Sam joins the Beast's mafia?"
"There's no out once they join the Dubois," Ed said, lips tight in the frown, and Nazz thought he was fearing for Eddward as she was. "Well, there's one way…" his face turned grimmer and his thumb ran across his throat.
"The King of Beast's isn't forgiving?" Kevin asked sarcastically.
"Where do you think Sam inherited his sadism?" Ed said quietly, lips downward.
This caught Kevin's attention and his eyes rose up to Ed's, his lips opened and closed as if wanting to ask something. After a moment of gathering his words, Kevin spoke up, "Ed, do you know how far Sam has…"
Nazz stared intently at Ed, they all knew what Kevin wanted to ask. Do you know how far Sam has pushed Eddward…
Ed let out a long sigh, and shook his head, "Sorry," he said quietly, "I don't know… Double D's special treatment, training– whatever it was, was kept between them two. That's why everyone was scared of them, especially Double D. He was named the King of Sharks for a reason."
"There were rumors," Ed continued, voice low, "I mean seeing how violent Double D got in the cage, it wasn't hard to believe them."
"What rumors?" Nazz spoke for Kevin. She could tell the freckled boy was scared to keep on asking.
"There's some truth to them," Ed said quickly, his voice hesitant, "But they were clearly exaggerated–"
"Ed," Kevin spoke up this time.
"He wouldn't want you to know,"
Kevin made a face, "He never does, but I always find out."
"Ok," Ed said, defeated, "Sam kept Double D for himself for almost a whole year, since D was initiated into the Great White Sharks. No one really saw him, except for school of course. But it was after that year that I really saw the influence Sam had on him. Double D was merciless, just like Sam, that was a fact that even you both know."
Nazz quietly listened and nodded recalling their first two years of highschool.
"The rumors started after D got named the King of Sharks." Ed breathed in, face twisted in the memory, "Well, that night was a whole mess really. Sam had him fight the whole night, against every opponent, and D won every time…making the most income Sam had ever made out of the fights. D got more brutal with every fight, by the end he was fighting the biggest guy in the warehouse and somehow Double D had taken him down. But he didn't stop there, he kept on beating the unconscious guy until Sam deemed it satisfactory enough."
Ed's face was conflicted, eyes down onto the notebook, "It took two guys to get D off the other fighter, and even then he wouldn't relent. Sam finally stepped in himself and he just… grabbed D by the back of his neck and Double D immediately stopped fighting. It was a shock for everyone to see, it was like seeing a…dog…obey its owner." His voice said the word dog with disgust, and Nazz could see Kevin's eyes widen as if something had clicked in his brain.
"I didn't see Double D after that for a long time," Ed sighed, "I heard rumors. I mean, he hasn't ever killed, not even Sam has. But, there was a deal that went wrong, summer before our Sophomore year, with a crew in Walnut Creek and Sam had sent D to go fix it. Jimmy was there, of course, he was part of D's gang… I'm pretty sure Jimmy's the one who started the rumor."
Nazz could tell Ed was trying to stall on telling them, but they had gotten this far, they already knew so much. Like Kevin had said, they would find out eventually.
"Anyways, allegedly, Double D didn't even give the guy a chance to plead or pay up right then and there," Ed said, quietly, "They kidnapped him and well, tortured the guy until his gang paid up in full. I mean, this is where the rumors are exaggerated because no one really knows what happened after they kidnapped the guy."
Kevin's eyes were a bit distant, his face almost calm but Nazz could tell Kevin's brain was filled with burning questions for Eddward. She knew she had some for Sam. If only she were still on speaking terms with the boy, but it was an impossibility at this point to forgive or try to understand Sam Dubois. He had carved this violent and hopeless path for himself and all they could do now was try to minimize the destruction he was leaving behind.
"He was fifteen," Kevin said quietly, eyes not looking at anyone.
The final bell rang so loudly, it made Nazz jump but Ed was staring at Kevin with an apologetic face, and Kevin was uncharacteristically calm about this information.
"Kevin," Ed spoke up quietly, "True or not, you helped drag Double D out of whatever blinded hell Sam had shoved him in. I'm not in the gang anymore, but I don't have to be to know that he's not like that anymore. It's why he's having a hard time controlling the members, and why Sam has only ever gotten more hyper focused on D."
"Sam's losing his leash on Vincent," Nazz said, Ed grimaced at her words.
"He's not a dog," Kevin bit his lips, face angry now. "I have somewhere to be…" he said standing up and packing his things.
"No, he's not," Nazz said, watching Kevin, "But, that's how Sam sees him."
Kevin let out a frustrated sigh, then rolled his eyes, "Every time I see that bastard… I just want to give him a good punch to the fucking face."
"Please do," Ed said, with a small smile.
They said their goodbye's, Kevin hiding the fact of where he was headed, and Ed running off to meet up with Eddward before swim practice started. Nazz stayed behind for a moment to gather her thoughts.
A danger among the upcoming swim meet against Lemon Brooke, would Sam show up? Would the Masked Gang truly attack during a school event, with so many people around? Should she even try and talk to Sam about it? Should she get Eddward to talk to him instead?
Jimmy… would Jimmy open up to her about the Masked Gang's plans? Was he even still a part of them since his mix up? Could Jimmy confirm Ed's story? But what would that even matter? Vincent was different, he wasn't the same person as the kid who earned the name King of Sharks.
And among all of this…
Her birthday was right around the corner.
…
Kevin wasn't surprised by Ed's revelation, he knew Eddward's title didn't come out of nowhere, he had seen Eddward be ruthless, and knew very well how cruel he could be to anyone. But that wasn't Eddward Vincent anymore, there was no point in getting mad about it.
But he did wish Eddward would open up to him more. Talk things out or find another way to express his terrors that haunted Eddward. Something had to be done, to help those mental blocks, or that regret and guilt.
For now, it was the weekend and Kevin was determined to attempt something new in order to distract Eddward. Well, it all went well at least. Kevin had stopped by his house to shower and change and now was waiting at Eddward's home with his bike loaded and ready to go as soon as Eddward arrived.
Then the familiar lights flashed through the living room, and Kevin felt a burst of excitement as he leaped from the couch and shut off Eddward's laptop.
"Kevin?" Eddward quietly called out as he entered the house.
"Welcome back," Kevin poked his head into the entrance hall. "Are you ready?" he said excitedly.
"Where are we going?" Eddward said, lips trying not to stretch into a smile, but it was impossible for Kevin not to notice it.
"Surprise," Kevin said taking Eddward's belongings, "Go change, something warm."
"Ok, ok," Eddward chuckled, heading upstairs.
Kevin didn't wait long, Eddward always showered after practice, and he didn't have the most varied set of clothes but the black haired boy seemed to have a certain finesse to his style that even an all black outfit got Kevin's chest racing.
Maybe it was the long black coat paired with rough jeans and leather boots, but Eddward looked older than he was. His ocean eyes sparkling like a reflective moon in the night. The real cherry on top however… was the low ponytail the boy wore.
"No hat?" Kevin questioned, his hands finding the sleeves of the black coat. He could express his happiness of the outfit now, and it was still so bizarre that he was allowed to do that. His fingers found Eddward's, and he closed in to the swimmer's neck and pressed a light peck making Eddward laugh. Always a lovely sound.
"– 's in my pocket," Eddward quietly said, distracted.
"It's fine," Kevin's hand reached the back of Eddward's neck and lightly stroked, careful not to mess up the ponytail. "I prefer it off."
Eddward smirked then, his long hand grabbing Kevin's black jean jacket and leaning down to his ear, "I know you do," he said, giving Kevin a kiss right underneath that always made Kevin weak.
Kevin pulled away, face heated, "We need to get going or else we'll just end up staying here," he said trying to calm down his flushness.
"Alright," Eddward said, leaning back, "let me get my keys–"
"Actually," Kevin said, reaching for Eddward's arm, "I thought that, maybe, we could take my motorcycle?"
Eddward's eyes widened at that, and Kevin bit the inside of his mouth trying not to laugh, "The car's right outside, it's easier."
"Come on, Eddward," Kevin pleaded, "Please, we haven't taken my girl out in a long time."
"Your girl?"
"Don't get jealous, it's a motorcycle," Kevin let the laugh come out, "please, I promise I'll go slow."
"Slow?"
"Like reeeeally slow,"
"Promise?"
"I promise!" Kevin said, with the widest smile. The truth was, he wasn't going to go much slower than normal, they had somewhere to be and it was almost night time.
Eddward relented, and they got onto the bike. Kevin was over the moon about taking Eddward for another drive, so he started out slow as they drove out of the town, then gave Eddward's hand a squeeze letting the teen know he was about to speed up as they entered the highway. Eddward lightly bumped his helmet with Kevin's making Kevin giggle with mischief. The raven haired boy would forgive him later.
With much too tight hands around his waist, Kevin sped up, not to his usual speed but enough. The sky was still blue, but it was that warm faded blue indicating that the sun was going to set. There was light traffic, most people heading in the opposite direction, then to where the boys were heading.
The idea had struck Kevin a week ago, when he had asked Eddward on a date but the raven haired boy had apologetically refused. And Kevin understood, even though Kevin had suggested they go out of town, they could just hang out somewhere out of the Vincent home but it wasn't that that unnerved Eddward. It was that they knew they were together, and Eddward didn't want to fake it more than they already did at school, and being surrounded by people who would stare and judge two guys together was beyond what Eddward was capable of dealing with.
Kevin felt the same. If they were going on a date, then it was going to be a proper date, hand holding and kissing and all that date jazz. But Kevin wanted out of the house already. So he asked Nat for any recommendations and the green haired boy had found an enormous public garden an hour past Lemon Brooke and close to a large lake.
At this hour, all the people should have filtered out. The nights were still cold and no one wanted to walk through a garden at night, it was a daytime activity to appreciate its beauty and maybe one day they'd come back to truly experience it but for now, this was perfect enough.
Once they passed the loud, neon lights of Lemon Brooke, Kevin took an exit that would lead them through a more scenic route, a preview of the area. In the far distance, the snowy mountains could be seen, then vast hills and a large open area and then vast lake. Kevin felt a squeeze to his leg and he knew he had done a good job.
The parking lot was nearly empty except for two other cars. There was apparently a park for the family in one direction but to Kevin's excitement they were heading down the other side. The sun had begun to set, and there were lights from the ground illuminating the paths. With a quick look around, making sure no one was around, Kevin reached for Eddward's hand and gave him a smile of encouragement.
The swimmer tensed for a moment, but they were alone and Eddward relaxed to allow the affectionate contact. Happy, Kevin led them down a path going downhill, and soon enough they were surrounded in tall trees, some still had xmas white lights circling around their branches. White flowers, everywhere and the boy's stopped to appreciate every pretty scene.
There was a chill, and Kevin sniffed lightly. It didn't, however, go unnoticed by Eddward as Eddward let his hand go for a moment, to touch Kevin's cold ears. He made a small noise of disapproval, before pulling out the beanie and pulling it over Kevin's head.
Kevin stared at Eddward with shocked eyes. Never had Eddward allowed anyone to touch his hat much less let someone else wear the thing!
"'I'm not that cold," Kevin said, trying not to take it off.
"Your ears are freezing cold," Eddward said, pulling the hat back down, "Just keep it on."
Kevin's face flushed then, as Eddward found his hand once again. It might have not seemed like a big deal with Eddward who was too busy staring at the garden but Kevin could feel his heart pounding.
"I think I've been here before," Eddward said quietly, as they found themselves on a small bridge overlooking a shallow river with big bulbs of lights in the water. A path of rocks leading into the center where a small waterfall was.
"Yeah?" Kevin said, stopping to take a good look at the water underneath them.
"When I was little," Eddward continued, "maybe…6 or younger,"
"With your mom?" Kevin carefully asked, leaning into Eddward.
"And Father," Eddward said, his eyes distant. "We were all here… I think there's a picture somewhere in the cabin, with my mother sitting down there on the bench."
Kevin looked up at Eddward now curious to see the boy's expression, was he sad?
There was a melancholic look in his eyes, like there always was when Eddward was recalling his family. But, if Kevin read the boy right, Eddward was more happy than anything else. "Do you want to go down there?" he asked.
"Nah," Eddward said, looking away and lifting Kevin's hand to give it a kiss, "Let's keep going."
They did, following the path deeper downhill until they reached a small open area, where there were stone steps down to the lake. Kevin stopped at the top of the stairs looking out and pulled his phone out, "Picture?" he said looking down at Eddward who was two steps lower.
Eddward only took one step up and wrapped his arm around Kevin's waist pulling him close, "Whatever you want," Eddward said calmly.
Once again, a surge of flutter in his chest forced a wide smile to appear, wrapping an arm around Eddward, he took the photo. Kevin only looked at it for a second before Eddward stole his attention once more, planting a kiss to his neck.
"Thank you for this," Eddward whispered.
"Thank you for coming out with me," Kevin giggled, leaning into the kisses on his cheek.
They continued down the stairs and walked hand in hand along the edge of the lake catching the last few seconds of the sun setting, the sky already purple and glittery. The water was so still, it was as if seeing a giant mirror planted in the middle of this landscape. There was this refreshing scent to the water, and greenery around them, a freshness of being outdoors that Kevin loved.
"Mind if I stay the night?" Kevin said quietly, eyes on the night sky.
"I assumed you had plans already," Eddward said jokingly, "Go home, play your video games all night."
"Oh yeah," Kevin smirked, "I was going to call up Ed, so we can get online together and take down some zombies."
Eddward laughed at that, and he raised Kevin's hand again, pressing yet another gentle kiss to it. Kevin stopped again, face heated once again. If Kevin could say he was ever addicted to a substance, it was the very endearing subject in front of him. He couldn't have enough of Eddward Vincent.
They were alone out here, no eyes to judge, nothing to intrude on them. So, Kevin leaned up on his toes and kissed Eddward. The raven haired boy seemed to hesitate only a second before there was a hand on Kevin's neck and another wrapped around his back. So Kevin reached over Eddward's shoulders and held on tightly.
It was intoxicating, Kevin's mind went fuzzy, and sought out more. But once again Eddward paused, his long hand tightly gripping Kevin's jean jacket. With eyes shut tight, forehead pressed against Kevin's, he could tell Eddward was holding back once again. It seemed that no matter where they were, there was a line Eddward had drawn between them and wasn't daring to cross it. But why?
Kevin grabbed the hand that was on his neck and lowered it to the edge of his own shirt. "It's ok," Kevin whispered quietly, watching Eddward's reaction. The boy's eyes were still shut but he had become rigid. "If you want to."
Eddward let out a heavy sigh at this, eyes open now. "It's not that I don't want to, pumpkin," he said with a strain in his voice.
Kevin had placed Eddward's hand under his shirt and was now lightly touching his waist, Eddward's ears were red making Kevin smile. Then a thought popped into his head, "Um… have you ever…with a guy?"
Eddward smirked at that, bit his lips and looked at Kevin almost apologetically. "Sort of? Depends on what you're asking me," he teased.
"You know exactly what I'm asking," Kevin said, "I just want to know if what's bothering you is what we're doing or if it's me."
"It's not you, pumpkin," Eddward frowned then and as if frustrated he seemed to force his whole hand onto Kevin's waist. Fingers digging into his skin made Kevin close his eyes now at the sensation. "And it's not what we're doing either. I've…well, with Marie I, um…tried all the way. That didn't really work out," he let out an amused sigh, his fingers gently moving in soothing movements making it very difficult for Kevin to concentrate on the conversation.
"I mean we both knew why it didn't work," Eddward said, voice quiet and focused "then, months later…after Marie had left, the first time I got drunk –it was at one of Liam's parties. I was on the bathroom floor when some guy joined me there and then one thing led to another," Eddward leaned down kissing Kevin under his ear. "It was only kissing and touching, nothing else."
"You weren't curious to try again?" Kevin asked, opening his eyes to meet Eddward's.
There was a long pause then Eddward said quietly, "There was one other guy, but I don't like to remember that one. We were both just…frustrated. No one else since."
"Then why are you scared of me?" Kevin asked earnestly.
Eddward once more placed his forehead to Kevin's, "It's different with you," Eddward said sadly.
"What does that mean?" he asked, confused.
"It's…something real," Eddward said cautiously, "You matter."
Kevin looked at Eddward curiously, but something in the sad look on the other's face told Kevin the truth, "Are you scared I'm going to regret this?"
"Something like that," Eddward replied, slender fingers moving to Kevin's spine.
"I'm not going to," Kevin said, trying to sound genuine without sinking into Eddward's slow touch. "We're together, aren't we?"
"Pumpkin," Eddward started, "I know that but…"
Kevin frowned now, what was going through Eddward head right now? What couldn't he say? "I'm not going to run away from you, you're my boy–" it was then he saw it, the flinch at the word Kevin was about to say.
"Sorry," Eddward said, eyes looking down at their feet.
"Are you uncomfortable with what we are?" Kevin asked, upset but wanting to figure this all out.
"I've only ever been that once before," Eddward said, hand pulled away from Kevin now. "I don't want to hurt you like I did Marie."
"Do you not want to be together then?"
Eddward enveloped Kevin in a hug then, "No, no, it's not that I don't want to be with you, pumpkin."
"If it's a relationship that scares you," Kevin said, hugging Eddward back, "then we can be something else. I'm ok with anything as long as I still have you like this," then with a sigh he continued, "I kinda forced you into didn't I?"
"No," Eddward said, a smile to his voice, "I want you just the same. It's just me… sorry."
"Don't be," Kevin smiled then, kissing Eddward to his head, "Are we lovers then?"
Eddward let out a happy sigh, "I'm ok with that," the raven haired boy said, resuming to kiss Kevin then.
Happily Kevin kissed back and let out a gasp when he felt both of Eddward's hands on his bare waist. Kevin knew he would easily melt right then and there, so he hugged Eddward as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss.
They would take things as slow as was necessary. So long as Eddward didn't reject him, so long as they continued to be together just like this. Kevin was perfectly fine with being whatever it was that they were. Kevin would give Eddward Vincent all the time in the world.
…
The day had been mostly quiet, well, except for the morning with finding a stack of flowers and balloons flooding her locker. Mind you, not the worst way to start the new week. Ed met her first that morning, saying that it was his mission to break into her locker.
Then Eddward found her briefly wishing her the best and surprising her with a gentle hug which she happily returned with a much stronger one and gave the dark haired boy a kiss on the cheek as thanks.
Finally was Kevin, who ran straight into their shared classroom, with a tiara, a Birthday girl sash and confetti which the teacher wasn't happy at all about and yelled at them to clean up immediately. She thought as she helped clean up with a smile about how Kevin might be spending too much time with Nathan Goldberg. She decided it must be a good thing despite it.
The rest of that day was quiet with her girl friends wishing her happy birthday and bringing along their own presents and saying they had something planned for her over the weekend knowing Nazz was likely to celebrate with the boys first.
A small piece of her was waiting for something that day, or rather someone. But as things were, she didn't want anything to do with them, that would have ruined the day. Just a small piece of her was hoping that everything he had said…wasn't lies.
Had she truly been so easily swayed to believe such lies?
She hated him for it, she hated herself for it.
"Happy birthday, Nazz" Kevin said for the one hundredth time that day. "This one's from Eddward."
They were sitting in Barr's small living room, with all her stuff surrounding them. It was just her and Kevin and Ed there. Eddward was unfortunately missing since they were forbidden from hanging out at the Vincent residence for the time being, and Eddward was off at the factory tonight.
A cut up strawberry cake was between the three of them in the dining table and Nazz was currently opening presents. Kevin had gotten her printed out pictures of all of them hanging out and a cute cream colored sweater with baby blue clouds on it and on the front with rainbow embroidery it said, Be Graceful. Nazz had mixed emotions about the words on it, but she smiled and gave Kevin a kiss for it.
Ed had given her a rose gold necklace with a star on it with her birth year engraved on the back and when Ed had mentioned that Sarah had helped pick it out her stomach flipped upside down, but she put it on with a smile and gave Ed a hug.
Eddward's present was the largest and as she peeled the bag open, she found two things. A gorgeous leather messenger bag with golden accents on it and a small box with a note on it. She picked the note up and found beautifully cursive writing…
Save this one for when you are alone.
You may not like it, but it'll keep you safe.
I can show you how to use it.
Happy Birthday,
E.V.
Her curiosity was undying. What could be wrapped up in the small box that could keep her safe. But secretly, she pulled the messenger bag out to look at it and left the box inside. The bag itself was beyond beautiful, and obviously expensive. She felt so thankful for all of them.
They stayed late into the afternoon for Tom to arrive, and the man was kind enough to give Nazz the same envelope with money inside that he gave her every year. It was thanks to Tom that she had a secret stash of money saved up under her bed. Unfortunately, as much as she wanted to stay, she had her family tradition to get to.
Ed had driven her home that day.
"I was going to bring Sarah," Ed started quietly, "But she's been getting really bad headaches recently and she started to get one when I got home. Said she's sorry and wished you a good day though."
Nazz was secretly glad Sarah hadn't come. Another person who would have spoiled it. She knew she should feel bad for feeling that way but…the last time Nazz had met Sarah at the antique shop, it had been suffocating. She couldn't imagine what it would feel like being trapped in a small room with her and her smiles and laughs and piercing eyes.
"I hope her heachaches go away," Nazz said almost distantly.
Ed seemed to pick up on her change of mood, because he bit his lower lip as if biting back what he wanted to say. Nazz felt something drop to her stomach, was he going to accuse her for now seeing Sarah?
"Well, we're here." Ed said instead, "I hope you had a good birthday, Nazz."
Nazz held her breath, and gave him a smile and a touch to his hand, "Thank you all for today, it means a lot."
"You're our best friend, Nazz," Ed smiled, a genuine smile, "You deserve to feel special."
Nazz paused at this, "Do I?" she questioned quietly, mostly to herself but Ed heard her nonetheless.
"Of course," Ed held her hand tightly then as if sensing her bitter emotions, "You help us all keep our heads on straight. Without you, we'd be headless chickens running wild."
Nazz laughed at this, "You'd manage, Eddward wouldn't let you."
Ed laughed now, "I'd be running after Eddward to not do something stupid, and Eddward would be running after Kevin and Kevin would be relentless. It'd be a whole mess without you."
"Ok, ok," Nazz said with a heartfelt smile now, her mood brightened, "I get it."
"Good," Ed said, patting her hand and leaning away, "Get a good night's sleep then. I'll see you tomorrow."
Nazz got out but once more paused to turn to Ed, "You're my best friend too," she said.
Ed looked away for a moment as if embarrassed, "Thanks for trusting me enough to call me that night." he said.
Nazz looked away then too, "Have a good night, Ed," she said, closing the truck's door and giving him a wave of her hand before walking into her house.
Her parents were home, with a big dinner waiting for her and more wrapped presents. When her birth time arrived, Nazz had the tradition that at that moment she would blow out her candles. 9:48 pm. Her presents were mostly new clothes, and a beautiful notebook and pens for her to write with. There was a birthday card that had been sealed with tape handed to her by her mother saying she had found it in their mailbox that morning. Her chest swirled once more, so she didn't open it.
Not until the night had ended and she was in her room did she even think about the card. Her cat, lazily asleep among the mountains of pillows on her bed. She looked at the note, then at the box Eddward had given her. She opened the box then, and found two small things there, a blue little metal device that kind of looked like a flashlight, she picked it up and pressed a button, there was a sharp light hitting across the room, and then she pressed the switch and there a quick, loud zap come out of it which frightened her but now she knew what it was.
Eddward had given her a taser.
She looked down at the little remote in the box and she knew it was some sort of safety alarm.
She opened the card next and there were only three little words written on it.
Can we talk?
Sam, she knew this was his writing. It made her feel unnerved but she threw it away and decided to get ready for bed. The night was eerily quiet, and her mind was racing with the new weapon in her bag and the implications of the card.
Would she be able to actually use the taser? Would she be in another situation where she would need them? What if there was no one around to hear the alarm or what if the attacker used the taser against her?
There was a tap on her window and Nazz froze.
Another tap.
Nazz sat up and looked at her alarm clock, it was already past one in the morning. With hesitance, she walked to the window and found Sam sitting on the tree waiting for her, his palm full of pebbles.
There was a look to his expression, Nazz had never seen before and it scared her. His eyes were reddish and his face relaxed but upset, "What are you doing here?" she questioned.
"Happy Birthday, Love," Sam said, eyes on the pebbles in his hand. "You got my card?"
"I don't want to talk," she said.
"I know you don't," Sam said, "But I really need you to hear me out. Can I come in?"
"No,"
Sam smiled at this, his eyes still dark as if he hadn't been sleeping well for a long time now and Nazz thought, good serves him well.
"Fine," he said, "I'll talk from here then."
"I don't–" Nazz started but Sam began his speech.
"I think I finally know how Eddward feels in that empty house of his," Sam said, his eyes still downcasted, "I understand his desire for finding his mother… and a part of me wants to help him but I have only two things that are mine and he is one of them. You said before that I was obsessed with Eddward and I'll admit it, I am."
Nazz didn't say anything but was confused at the boy's words.
"I've been obsessed with him since I saw him in that photo," Sam said, "I was told he was mine, and then I met him and he was far better than I imagined him to be. He was the first person who was my companion, loyal, trustworthy. He was the only person who was mine, Nazz. Liam belongs to father, my mother belongs to father, I was the only one rejected over and over again."
"I'd do anything for Eddward Vincent," he said quietly, "That won't ever change, and I'm sorry for that."
"Why are you telling me this?" Nazz stared at Sam, almost disturbed.
"Fuck Nazz," Sam said, almost losing his balance and dropping the pebbles, "Can I please come in? I'm going to fall over."
Nazz sighed, and then held out her hand to help Sam off the tree and into her room, "Don't you dare try anything ok?" she said thinking about her new weapons in her bag.
Sam chuckled at this, and slumped down on the floor and Nazz knew the boy was intoxicated. "I wouldn't dream of disrespecting you," he said.
"Why are you confessing your love for Eddward to me?" She asked again, taking a seat on her bed.
Sam laughed again, his head hitting against the wall, "Because I'm a greedy bastard and want you too."
"You're not making sense," she said, her chest tight with anger.
"I'm obsessed with you, Nazz," Sam said, seriously, his eyes moving to meet Nazz's in the darkness. "You have no idea how often you pop into my head. It's maddening."
"You can't be in love with two people," She started, her mixed emotions overwhelming her.
"I think I can be," Sam said, head tilted, "I'm eternally devoted to one, while I crave the other."
"I am not going to be second to anyone," Nazz said, angrily, "I deserve to be someone's first priority."
"The thing is," Sam said, "My family is my first priority, and it's because of that priority that conflicts with Eddward, and then you conflict with Eddward."
"I'm not accepting that," Nazz said, "I am not in love with you, and I don't want that kind of life for myself."
"I know," Sam said, eyes closed now, "You deserve someone who will love you entirely, who will give you that respect. I can't do that and I know that. That's why I never dared to tease you with attempting anything further."
"What do you mean?"
"You never questioned why a flirt like me never even tried to kiss you," Sam said, "never tried to pull you to be more physical with me, even though I've had my fair share of fun with other girls?"
Nazz didn't say anything but she had questioned it before, except she had reasoned that it was because Sam had been lying about liking her like that.
"It's because I like you too much," Sam said, "I respect you too much to touch you like that. But only God knows exactly how much I craved to have you."
"I don't believe you," she said, starting to feel uncomfortable, but Sam stayed where he was on the floor, eyes intense as he stared at her even through the darkness making her feel nude.
"I know you don't," Sam said again, "Just like you won't ever believe that I wasn't the one who killed Johnny."
Something in Nazz shook her core, a drunken Sam spilling his truth. But she wasn't going to fall for it, Sam only left a destructive fire behind. If she allowed Sam to touch her, he would burn her alive.
"I want you, but I can't have you under any circumstances," Sam mumbled now, eyes closed, his arms limp at his knees, "Father wouldn't allow it, he'd have you hostage like he did with my mother."
"Eddward is the only person Father has allowed for me to have," Sam said, "Eddward is vital you see, from the moment he was born. Eddward and I were destined together, and I have to keep it that way. Even if I have to sabotage him for his own good sake, Nazz. You have to keep him away from digging further, or Father will take him away from me as well. He's the only one I have left."
Nazz stood then, she walked closer to Sam and noticed the teen's shoulders and hands were trembling, he was crying. "Digging further into what?" she asked.
Sam shook his head, "I'm going to kill him one day," he said bitterly, "He won't take anyone away from me anymore. That's why I can't be the man you want me to be."
Nazz leaned back then, almost afraid of the boy in front of her. "Nothing will change Sam," she said, "we lose loved ones every day, it's only natural. If you kill your father then what? Spend the rest of your life running away? I don't think you'll be able to just sit on your father's throne when your older brother is still alive. Do you think Liam won't hate you for killing his father?"
Sam went rigid then as if he hadn't thought of that possibility before.
"You'll lose family in order to gain freedom," She said, "I don't imagine it'll be easy to kill your father either. Can't you hold out until he goes on his own? Then you'll still have Liam on your side, you'll feel more at peace—"
"I won't be at peace until that man has paid for all my mother's fucking suffering," Sam spat out, "You don't understand everything that man has put us through."
"Ok," she said, unsure of what else to say. Sam was unwavering and he had made his decision and that was that.
"Sorry," he said again, face sad. "I came here to apologize really. I'm a mess." He laughed, his hand reached for Nazz's and she let him.
"Sorry I've made you cry time and time again, love," he said, kissing her hand. He reached in his jacket for a box and gave it to her, "please keep it. It's yours, Happy Birthday."
She opened to find the necklace she had thrown back at him.
Sam stood up then, almost falling over as he did and Nazz wondered how'd he'd even climbed the tree.
"I won't come back here any more," He said, back towards Nazz. "I hope sleep finds you easier."
She was flooded with so much confusion in what little Sam had told her, but one thing she had to ask was "If you didn't kill Johnny, then why would the masked man kill him?"
"Cause I think I might've just figured out their identity," Sam said, his voice dark once more, "And you're going to hate me more for what I have to do."
"What are you going to do?" She asked, gripping the necklace in her hand.
"I'm going to finish what I started three years ago," Sam said, opening the window and climbing out.
Nazz wasn't angry, but rather scared for what was to come. So much had been said and her mind was trying to piece it all together. Sam had known about Eddward before they had met? Were the Vincents and Dubois more closely tied together? What did he mean by Eddward and Sam were destined together from birth?
The necklace in her hand was heavy.
…
Eddward arrived much later than he was anticipating. It was two in the morning and the cop had already left for the night. The few members that were still around were confused on what to do, Sam hadn't shown his face at the factory for days, Jimmy had gone missing three days ago, even at school.
Eddward was tired, he'd hoped Nazz had had a good day however. But all he could think about now was a good glass of wine and a smoke outside. So, that's what he did. The air was cool enough that it woke him up but warm enough that he could just sit there in a simple t-shirt.
He didn't like to expose his arms in front of the others but in moments like these when he was guaranteed to be alone, he let his scars breathe. His eyes stared at them as he thought about the ginger haired boy fast asleep right about now, and hopeful having good dreams.
It was then, when he heard the front door open and Eddward quickly turned, hearing a jingle of keys and heavy footsteps. It must be his father, he thought, drinking the red of the glass in one go. Annoyed, he turned back around and continued his smoke, knowing well he was about to be told off about it, might as well enjoy whatever he had time for.
"What are you doing up at this hour?" Victor's cold voice spoke among the darkness of the inside of the house.
"Can't sleep," he said, not turning around.
"That's a lie," Victor said.
"Why are you arriving at this hour?" Eddward said, too tired to really care.
"Just arrived from business," Victor answered, sounding just as tired as Eddward.
Eddward paused for a moment, almost amazed his father wasn't scolding him for the cigarette. "Sam?"
"I don't work for that brat," Victor said, annoyed.
"Dubios then,"
Victor didn't say anything, and Eddward knew his father had been on Dubois business, "Every time you said you guys were traveling for business… Was that all to do with Dubois?"
Victor did not say anything.
"When you met my mother on a business trip, did that mean the Garcias were involved in this underworld thing? Did they know the Dubois too?"
Victor continued to stay quiet, and Eddward felt a surge of overwhelming emotion then at the loss of any reaction from his father.
"They're simple questions father," Eddward closed his eyes, hand in his hair. "I just want to know how involved we are with them."
"You shouldn't have involved yourself with them," Victor said, roughly but quietly. "Not with Sam, he gave you a choice."
Eddward looked up then with confused eyes "you wanted me to choose to continue to be miserable and alone than at least try with Sam?"
"Weren't you miserable and alone then too?"
Victor's eyes were piercing, no sympathy and Eddward felt rage now.
"Why do you hate me?" Eddward said, looking away, biting the inside of mouth in order not to explode right then and there like he always did. "Why did you even have me if you didn't want me. Then, father, I wouldn't have chosen anything."
Victor was quiet, then there was a sharp inhale. "It might come as a surprise to you, but I'm the one who wanted you. I begged your mother for a child."
A sharp pain stabbed Eddward then, he couldn't look at Victor, not now. What did he mean by that?
"And I loved you more than anything," Victor finished.
Eddward tried to let words out but they disintegrated before they made it out of his lips. "…w-what changed then?" He croaked, rage and heartbreak fusing into one.
"Seven years ago," Victor said, voice unwavering, "Everything changed seven years go."
Eddward looked back then, speechless. Seven years ago, everything had changed then, for Eddward at least, but what did Victor lose? Nothing.
"Is this really about what happened with Blaine?" Eddward asked, needing to know more. "Did it really disgust you so much to know your only son was…" he stopped then letting the last statement hang loose, for he could not engrave that to his identity yet.
"I wish it had just been that," Victor's eyes were cold, his posture unmoving and suddenly Eddward realized that this man knew how to show no emotion or rather trained. "It would have been so much easier, but I'm paying the consequences of my own selfishness through having you. If I'd known– What the consequence was, I would have listened to your mother."
"Mother honestly didn't want me?" Eddward looked away, his eyes stinging his throat suddenly dry and rigid.
"The day we got engaged," Victor started again, "She told me her one condition was that we would never bear any children."
Eddward took a drag then, the railing was uncomfortably cold against his bare arms. He could feel the wetness of his eyes fall on his cheeks.
"You condemn me to a miserable existence for a crime I am utterly unaware of," Eddward choked out, wiping his face with his wrist, staring at the darkness in his yard as if it would help him hide away. "You abandoned me when it was your own undoing. It was your mistake."
"If it had just been about the fact that I'm…that," Eddward continued, gripping the railing with all his strength, in order not to just throw a fist. "I would have happily lived a single life for my entire life in order to not ruin your legacy, father. But what the hell am I supposed to do when my very existence is the problem?"
He looked back at his father then, and there was nausea in the pit of his stomach at the way Victor's expression had drastically changed. For the first time, there was pity in the way his frown pulled at the corners of his lips and at the way his tired eyes glanced down at Eddward. Eddward was going to throw up, he quickly looked away, widened eyes staring back onto the darkness of the night.
"That's a question I've been asking myself since then," Victor said, voice low and pensive.
"You've wanted me out of the way for so long," Eddward cried, recalling his lowest moments in life. "You've had three opportunities now to get rid of me. And yet… Why do you continue to save me?"
"You've asked me this once before," Victor replied.
"I'll continue to ask," Eddward said, goosebumps appearing on his skin, his chest heavy and tight, "Because I truly don't understand why."
"One day you will," Victor said, the conversation concluded, but the man made no movement of walking back inside the house.
Eddward was drowning, he could feel the familiar tightness in his lungs, the claustrophobic tension, and the dizziness in his vision. He forced the bitterness of the cigarette in his mouth, but failed many times to properly inhale. His shoulders were painfully stiff, his vision blinded from the watery mess and his scars burned with a passionate remembrance of every agonizing slash.
There was a rough hand on his shoulder, but Eddward did not budge from his hunched position. But his father pulled him up and Eddward found himself hidden in the dark brown coat of Victor Vincent. Of the familiar earthy cologne his father had always used, of a stiff chest and a large hand and suddenly Eddward Vincent never felt smaller than he did in the embrace of his father.
An enraged howl came out that Eddward couldn't recognize as his own voice, but there was pain in his throat. His father's hand was holding him tight, hiding Eddward from the dark void of the night. Eddward was drowning. His hands had formed into fist and he was attempting to escape the embrace, but his father wasn't stirring.
Eddward sobbed then, helpless, his knees went weak and his head in a whirlwind. He couldn't breathe, his lungs could not open wide enough to allow air to flow. His sobs were choking, his body weak, his voice gone.
"Eddward…?"
Victor's anxious voice was the last thing Eddward heard that night. It reminded him of the night his father had cut open his head, forever marking him with the scar. Victor's voice had been filled with regret that night, but the man had done it nonetheless. Eddward had woken up in pain and alone that night and he wondered if this time he would wake up the same.
His eyes closed then, too tired to think anymore. Too tired to fight anymore, too tired to cry anymore. This moment of resignation into the vacancy of unconsciousness, was the closest thing he would ever truly feel to the sweet relief of dying. Of hurting the man above him. If Eddward Vincent was to ever die in this lifetime, he prayed that his father would feel all the regret in the world.
For Victor Vincent was destined to pay for his sins and his son's misery.
…
Thank you for your constant support and for coming back to this story. I'm so excited and I hope I see you along for the rest of the ride.
Leave a review if you enjoyed and let me know if you have any predictions and thoughts!
Sending much love, i'll see you soon!