CHAPTER SEVEN
Mikan took some time off the shop and let her partners handle it for a while. She was now facing her biggest fear as the large gates opened to welcome her. This used to be home. Now it just brings her pain and anxiety.
She parked her car, handed her baked goods to the help as she took a deep breath, cradled her small bump, and prepared for the worst.
"Mikan! Did you bring me your pastries? I missed them so much, they're just not like any other. So glad of you to join us for his birthday celebration! Come sit!" His mom dragged her to the long table and sat her next to them, his whole family. Mikan didn't get to eat much. She wanted to, but the smell of it was pungent to her. She didn't want them to know, not like this at least.
The lunch was getting rowdier, they've always been known to drink… a lot. His cousins were starting to jeer at each other about dating or the lack thereof.
"How about you, Mi-chan? Have you been seeing someone?" One of his cousins asked. The air was then filled with silence, she felt conscious. She knew his family was looking at her, waiting for her response. She crossed her arms to make her feel less alone, seconds felt like hours. "Can I?" She laughed nervously.
Aki's cousin regretted the question as soon as she sensed Mikan's nervousness. His aunt cleared the air, "Haven't you been?"
Mikan's tears started to fall. "I didn't know I could." Aki's cousins rushed to her side for a hug.
"Onee, stop crying!"
"It's your fault, you kept asking stupid questions!"
"You're the one who started it! You said my boyfriend looked like if Timon and Pumba had a kid." Mikan stopped crying as she snorted.
"Ew." They laughed. One of Aki's uncles looked at her with a sad look on his face. "But Mi-chan, Akira would hate seeing you like this, it's been too long."
His aunt interjected. "Mikan is a pretty girl, I'm sure I have someone who would want to date her."
"Yeah, maybe you can set her up with Stitch, after Timon and Pumba." His dad laughed.
The laughter went on and on until it was time to go home, she bid goodbye to everyone before Aki's mom pulled her to the side. "How far long?"
Mikan was shocked, she thought she hid it pretty well. "You hid it pretty well, but I'm a mom of three. You didn't drink alcohol the whole night. You didn't eat your favorite food, which at first offended me, up until I realized what you were going through. So how long?"
Mikan's eyes started watering. "Auntie, are you disappointed in me?" She asked looking at her.
His mom was a bit confused about how she answered her question. "Mikan, is this why you haven't visited? You were scared I'd be disappointed?" She nodded as she went in for a hug and cried on her shoulders. His mom patted her on the back. "I just wanted to ask so I'd know when to send baby baskets." She laughed. "…I didn't know this had its own drama."
"You're okay with it?" She looked up at her.
"My son has long been gone. I love him, and I may not be able to move on from that, but I'm trying to live my life every day because that's what he would've wanted… so should you. You deserve to be happy, Mikan." She said reaching for a letter in her pocket. "He wanted me to give this to you, but I couldn't go through his stuff that easy, so it took me a while, I'm sorry. Had I known... this would've probably made it easier." Mikan cried harder as she leaned in and hugged her tighter. "I'm so glad he met you, we always knew he had a short time with us, but you made every moment worthwhile."
"Auntie."
"You will always be one of us, Mi-chan. So, you better let us meet that boyfriend of yours so we could get to roast him."
"I'm not- I don't- I'm not sure if I'm keeping it."
"Oh." His mom said with evident sadness in her tone. "Well, if that's what you want." She held her tightly. "Auntie, it's not that… it's… I've always pictured this… with him. And now he's…"
"…He's gone, Mikan. How long should you be punishing yourself? You want to keep the baby?" She asked intensely looking at her.
"I… I think so, yes." She squirmed. It was her first time admitting it out loud to someone else. She had an unfamiliar feeling of strength.
"The dad. Does he want to be a part of it?"
"He wants to… but I'm afraid I pushed him away." Mikan started crying harder. She remembered him, and how much her heart ached with the thought of him.
"You love him?"
"I… what would… Aki say… if I?
"Mikan, even when he was at the hospital, Aki talked to… I forgot his name… Kaoru's son. He kept pushing him to you even then. What made you think he'd be unhappy with you starting a family?"
Mikan was shocked, it was her first time hearing about this. "Kaoru? Na- Natsume's mom? He was talking to Natsume?"
Aki's mom remembered the name all of a sudden. "Right, Natsume Hyuuga. He talked to him before he passed. Are you still friends? I would love to meet him."
Mikan hesitated at first and realized she wanted the truth out of her system. "He's… he's the dad." His mom beamed with so much joy seen from her eyes. "You love him?" She asked. Mikan wiped the tears from her eyes. Her stomach does backflips with the slightest thought of Natsume. Mikan nodded. For the first time she was finally being honest with herself.
"That smart ass son of mine, yet again proving to everyone that he's one step ahead- "she paused. "You're having issues, aren't you?"
Mikan nodded in silence. His mom looked at her. "Well, if you love him, fight for him." She said as she hugged her tight up until her keys were handed to her by the valet.
"I love you, Mikan. You're like one of my own. Please be happy."
Mikan dropped her things carelessly to her bed. She was too exhausted from being heartbroken, pregnant, and driving all day, all at the same time. She was just out of it. She noticed the piece of paper that fell out, Aki's letter. She took a good look before she reached for it. Will she read it now? She put off the thought and went for a shower. Will she read it now? Not yet, she should make dinner first. Will she read it now? Hold on, it's time to tally today's records. Will she read it now? She knew she was procrastinating. She knew she was scared. But maybe it's high time to know what he said to her. Maybe she needs to read it now.
Mikan nervously opened the letter and read it.
My dearest Mi-chan,
From the moment I met you with your pigtails and big doe eyes, I knew exactly what love looked like. Love looked like an emotionally stunted teenager with a personality of a nine-year-old in a young woman's body.
I never expected to fall in love, I knew I was sick and that I do not have much time or energy left in me, but you, you made my head hurt so bad. Not even in a physical way, but in an emotional way. Honestly, I was so scared thinking you'd reject me, but not knowing made me feel worse. Not trying my chances with you is merely existing, not living.
You are the best thing that happened to me, and it pains me to leave you like this... because, for everything that you've given me, all I want in this world is for you to be happy.
I am writing this because I know how my passing will affect you. And I'm here to tell you, this pain will pass, but don't just keep on existing, live. Remember me, but don't let life pass you by. I didn't, and look where it got me. It led me to the love of my life.
I will always love you, Mikan. But you have to let me go.
Aki
Mikan held the letter tightly as she cried her eyes out. She made her way through her balcony and looked at the stars as she remembered him.
"Aki, can I fall in love again? I just wanted to ask... You haven't been here for too long, but I made sure to keep you with me. But can I move on now? Can I truly move on? Because I love him. I truly love him. And we might soon have a family together." She said as she held her stomach. She closed her eyes as she felt the wind somehow embracing her. She took a deep breath, opened her eyes, and it was gone. She wiped her tears and went to bed.
God, was she hallucinating?
Mikan woke up with a certain feeling of strength.
If you love him, fight for him.
If you love him, fight for him.
If you love him, fight for him.
She thought repeatedly. I love him. I love that piece of shit. I love Natsume Hyuuga. Do you hear that? I love your dad. She said caressing her unborn child as she got up and fixed herself, she headed to work ready for the punches the world will give her today.
She was having such a great day while making bread today, she thought maybe she could drop by the hospital after her shift and bring him some of what she made. She figured that he still might be upset, but she will try her best to win him back. She went on with her day excitedly, evidently in a good mood up until she reached his room.
"I'm sorry Mikan, he doesn't want to see you." Aoi said as she looked down at the ground. She was obviously having a hard time telling her off.
"What? Until when?" Mikan said softly.
"I don't know… He agreed to talk to a therapist if we promise him that we don't let you get near him. I'm sorry."
Mikan couldn't stop her tears from falling. "Oh okay, just can you just make sure this goes to him." She said handing her a basket of what she made a couple of hours ago… when ignorance was bliss, and she was chirpy and so excited to see him. Mikan's vision was becoming increasingly blurry as she was handing Aoi the basket. "Hey, are you ok?" That was the last thing she heard as she fainted in her arms.
"Oh my god!"
"I'd rather be at home and watch paint dry than be here, Ruka." He heard Hotaru say quietly.
What a fucking asshole he thought to himself. No wonder they're friends. He didn't care, he was only going to talk to Ruka anyway.
He feigned waking up as they approached him with their get-well-soon basket. He chatted with Ruka for a while, as she just sat there and drank her water. She made him feel uncomfortable, she made sure he knew how angry she was with her stoic face and icy death glares. The nerve of this woman he thought. Why the fuck would she be angry with me?
Suddenly he heard her phone ring and her expression turned to panic. She didn't answer it immediately, he knew why.
"Don't you have somewhere else you need to be? Like that shitty friend of yours" He asked rudely. She didn't take it lightly. She got out of her seat and poured the icy water she was drinking on him.
"Hotaru!" Ruka shouted.
"What the fuck is your problem!"
"You gonna tell him, Ruka? Or should I?"
Natsume was dumbfounded by what was happening. Tell him what?
"Tell me what?" He turned to Ruka.
Ruka looked down at the ground and shook his head. Natsume turned to look at Hotaru. "Tell me what?" Natsume started to panic.
"Well, Hyuuga, I'm surprised your family didn't tell you. She almost lost her kids because of you. She's having a delicate pregnancy because apparently, she's been under a lot of stress lately. I fucking wonder why."
"What? Kids? Huh?"
"Mikan's having twins. She's carrying them to term despite her weak health condition. She just started seeing an ob-gyn now, did you know that? She just did because she fainted when Aoi stopped her from going in here. I wonder the fuck why. There, happy?"
"I… I didn't know."
There was a break in Hotaru's voice. "Of all people, I thought you'd never hurt her." She said as she headed towards the exit.
"Ruka." He called out before he left with Hotaru. "Is it true?" He asked.
"You know her, she's stubborn when she wants to be. She's still working full hours. She said she'd rather be tired than be alone with her thoughts." Ruka walked around the room awkwardly. He didn't know how to tell him how dire the situation is with Mikan. "Natsume, something bad might happen to her."
"Tell her to come see me."
"I don't think that's good for both of you right now."
"Please."
"I'll try."
As soon as Ruka left, Natsume tried his best to walk up to the counter where they placed all the packages Mikan has been sending him daily. He had been staring at it for days now, but he never opened it. He used to be filled with so much rage looking at it. Now he just misses her. Natsume opened it and saw packed meals and pastries she made for him. He also noticed a couple of notes from every bag like what she always does. He started reading one of them.
Natsume,
I don't know if you'd read this, and I don't know if this is the right place for me to say this, but I hope it's not too late for you to forgive me.
Mikan
His heart melted. Here she goes again, he thought repeatedly to himself. All he wanted to do was to see her, to talk to her.
No. He shouldn't feel this way. There has got to be a way wherein his heart doesn't do all these somersaults all while being civil with each other. This feeling is too cruel, he has to let it go.
He has to let her go.
END OF CHAPTER SEVEN
NEXT CHAPTER
My Tears Ricochet
What about us?
Fuck being polite, Natsume! I'm not your client! Who am I to you?
I get anxious at night if I might die and no one would notice
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Damn, I thought I could upload earlier than this. Got too busy with a lot of things lately. Hope everyone's well.
See you next chapter!