Chapter One
In which our story gets off to a(n) (insert adjective of choice) start, and
some gender issues are encountered.
The Wheel of Cheese turns, and cheddar comes and passes, leaving good smells and bad smells that become legend. Cheese turns to mold, and even mold is long rotted by the time the cow that produced it is milked again. In one age, called the third age by some, an age yet to come, an age long past, a wind rose from some strange transdimentional wormhole. The wind was not the beginning. It wasn't even a very good beginning. But it was all the beginning we could come up with.
The wind spun across the land. Round and round it went, getting more and more dizzy, just for the heck of it. The wind spun and spun and spun. . . and then. . . it stopped. It was a sight to behold, a sight never seen before, a sight to make even the blind stop and stare. Yes, all the main characters of the Wheel of Time books were together- at the same time.
Readers: *gasp!*
Yes, I know. An amazing sight.
Anyways, all our beloved characters were engaging in a bloody and rather entertaining battle.
Mat: Give up, shadowspawn!
Myrdraal: I'm not dead!
Mat: Yes you are, flamin' eggface!
Myrdraal: Get out of my eyeless sight, bloody shepherd!!
*catfight*
Mat: Meow!
Egwene: Watch your language, both of you!
Egwene whacks Mat and the Myrdraal with a large rubber mallet.
Mat: Ouch! That hurt! Get us out of here, Rand! Egwene's being herself again!
Meanwhile, Perrin was busy trying to defend himself from two Forsaken, six myrdraal, a couple hundred trollocs, and his wife.
Faile: I can't believe you went to Berelain's tent last night! Just what do you think you were doing in there?!!!
Perrin: *while madly swinging his ax* What are you talking about? I never set foot in Berelain's tent! For that matter, she doesn't even have a tent; she's got her own portable palace!
Advertiser: Complete with stone pillars and various chandeliers.
Faile: *angry silence*
(two of the myrdraal go down)
Perrin: *sigh* Look, whatever I did, I'm very sorry I did it.
Faile: *furious silence*
Perrin: I'm sorry, okay?!!!!
Three myrdraal and five dozen trollocs fall to Perrin's marital fury.
Faile: *amused silence*
Perrin: I wish Mat or Rand were here. They know how to deal with women.
Mat: I wish Rand or Perrin were here. They know how to deal with women.
Rand: I wish Perrin or Mat were here. They know how to deal with women.
Aran'gar: I'm not a woman!
Lanfear: Well, I am! You are mine, Lews Therin!
Moiraine: You can't have him!
*catfight*
Rand: I've gotta get out of here.
Rand begins to open a Gateway.
Elayne/Min/Aviendha: You weren't thinking of leaving us, were you?
Rand: Of course not.
Elayne/Min/Aviendha: Yes you were!
All three hit him with large rubber mallet. The gateway splits into many different smaller ones.
Lotsa People: Woolhead!!
Rand: Why do they always blame me?
And so chaos and disorder erupts from the already chaotic disorder. Lanfear and Moiraine, still engaged in their catfight, roll into one of the portals never to be seen again (supposedly). The rest roll off to places that have not been determined yet. And our adventures begin.
The Wheel of Cheese turns, and cheddar comes and passes, leaving good smells and bad smells that become legend. Cheese turns to mold, and even mold is long rotted by the time the cow that produced it is milked again. In one age, called the third age by some, an age yet to come, an age long past, a wind rose from some strange transdimentional wormhole. The wind was not the beginning. It wasn't even a very good beginning. But it was all the beginning we could come up with.
The wind spun across the land. Round and round it went, getting more and more dizzy, just for the heck of it. The wind spun and spun and spun. . . and then. . . it stopped. It was a sight to behold, a sight never seen before, a sight to make even the blind stop and stare. Yes, all the main characters of the Wheel of Time books were together- at the same time.
Readers: *gasp!*
Yes, I know. An amazing sight.
Anyways, all our beloved characters were engaging in a bloody and rather entertaining battle.
Mat: Give up, shadowspawn!
Myrdraal: I'm not dead!
Mat: Yes you are, flamin' eggface!
Myrdraal: Get out of my eyeless sight, bloody shepherd!!
*catfight*
Mat: Meow!
Egwene: Watch your language, both of you!
Egwene whacks Mat and the Myrdraal with a large rubber mallet.
Mat: Ouch! That hurt! Get us out of here, Rand! Egwene's being herself again!
Meanwhile, Perrin was busy trying to defend himself from two Forsaken, six myrdraal, a couple hundred trollocs, and his wife.
Faile: I can't believe you went to Berelain's tent last night! Just what do you think you were doing in there?!!!
Perrin: *while madly swinging his ax* What are you talking about? I never set foot in Berelain's tent! For that matter, she doesn't even have a tent; she's got her own portable palace!
Advertiser: Complete with stone pillars and various chandeliers.
Faile: *angry silence*
(two of the myrdraal go down)
Perrin: *sigh* Look, whatever I did, I'm very sorry I did it.
Faile: *furious silence*
Perrin: I'm sorry, okay?!!!!
Three myrdraal and five dozen trollocs fall to Perrin's marital fury.
Faile: *amused silence*
Perrin: I wish Mat or Rand were here. They know how to deal with women.
Mat: I wish Rand or Perrin were here. They know how to deal with women.
Rand: I wish Perrin or Mat were here. They know how to deal with women.
Aran'gar: I'm not a woman!
Lanfear: Well, I am! You are mine, Lews Therin!
Moiraine: You can't have him!
*catfight*
Rand: I've gotta get out of here.
Rand begins to open a Gateway.
Elayne/Min/Aviendha: You weren't thinking of leaving us, were you?
Rand: Of course not.
Elayne/Min/Aviendha: Yes you were!
All three hit him with large rubber mallet. The gateway splits into many different smaller ones.
Lotsa People: Woolhead!!
Rand: Why do they always blame me?
And so chaos and disorder erupts from the already chaotic disorder. Lanfear and Moiraine, still engaged in their catfight, roll into one of the portals never to be seen again (supposedly). The rest roll off to places that have not been determined yet. And our adventures begin.