Chapter 2
By Los Pollos Desnudos
In which the council of Elrond becomes much more entertaining, and a
lot
of people get confused.
Elrond: And thou must sacrifice thyself to feed the fruitbats...
Frodo: ???
And Elrond did spake, saying
Elrond: First thou shalt choose a ringbearer, and then thou must choose a fellowship of nine, no more, no less. Nine shalt be the number thou shalt choose, and the number of the choosing shalt be nine. Ten shalt thou not choose, neither choose thou eight, excepting that thou then proceed to nine. Eleven is right out. Once the number nine, being the ninth number, be reached, then thou lobbest thy ring towards thou mountain, the ring being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Boromir: Right.
Frodo: I'm not going.
All: Just to be contradicting, lets make him the ringbearer.
Frodo: NOOOO!!!!
All: YESSS!!!
Frodo: Alrighty then.
(resorts back to biblical spaking)
Frodo: I shall taketh this ringeth to Mordoreth, though I have to use the loo first.
Suddenly, a sinister figure dropped from the sky.
Rand: Ahhhh!!! *thump*
Rand lands on Boromir, squishing him through another dimensional hole.
Aragorn: Whoa, Boromir, how did you shave so fast?
Rand: It's a special talent I have. Anyways, who's Boromir?
Random Elf Lord #1: Amnesia? Again?! That's the third time this week!
Frodo: Hello? I'm the main character here! Me, not the freaky big person!
Frodo draws a sketchy picture of Rand/Boromir and himself, circling Frodo and furiously crossing out the other.
Aragorn: Okay okay, we get the point.
Elrond: Back to the fellowship.
Sam: Oh mememe! Pick me! Pick me!
Frodo: Does anyone else want to come with me?
All:...
Aragorn: I'll go with you. You owe me twenty bucks. You have my sword.
Frodo: I do?
Legolas: And my bow.
Frodo: Cool!
Gimli: And my toenail clippers!
Frodo: ??
Gimli: They're deadly weapons. Why else would they be taken away by airport security?
Frodo: Good point.
Elrond: Take Boromir too. I want him out of my house.
Sam: You weren't thinking about leaving Sam behind, were you Master Frodo?
Frodo: *Looks at the sky.
Sam: Master Frodo?
Frodo: *Begins whistling inconspicuously.
Sam wails and runs to the bathroom to cry.
Rand: What's up with him?
Frodo: Let's just say you don't wanna be in my place.
Rand: Okeyday.
Merry and Pippin: We're coming too!
Frodo: Oh yay! The cool ones!
Sam peers around the doorway.
Sam: What is that supposed to mean?
Frodo: *Whistles inconspicuously*
Sam runs off, crying, etc.
Arwen: I'll come because all men are brainless twits. Rest of the fellowship: .......
Legolas: *whispering* What's a twit?
Aragorn: *whispering* Must be some kind of pizza.
Pippin: *whispering* I like pizza.
Arwen: I can hear every word you say.
Rest: Really?! You must have great hearing!
Arwen: What do you think the big ears are for?
Bilbo: I can hear you too, and I'm over a hundred and twenty.
Legolas: Oops.
Pippin: *whispering* Do you think they could give us some mushrooms on our pizza?
Elrond: The authors can hear you, and they're not even here!
Frodo: Authors?
People: Get on with it!
Elrond: I now pronounce ye the Fellowship of the Ring!
Fellowship: Yay!!!
Elrond: Everybody dance!
Fellowship dances.
Fellowship: Yay!!!!
Rand/Boromir: What the hey is going on here?!
Aragorn: Just go with the flow.
Rand/Boromir: Okay. *dances* Yay!!!!
Elrond: And thou must sacrifice thyself to feed the fruitbats...
Frodo: ???
And Elrond did spake, saying
Elrond: First thou shalt choose a ringbearer, and then thou must choose a fellowship of nine, no more, no less. Nine shalt be the number thou shalt choose, and the number of the choosing shalt be nine. Ten shalt thou not choose, neither choose thou eight, excepting that thou then proceed to nine. Eleven is right out. Once the number nine, being the ninth number, be reached, then thou lobbest thy ring towards thou mountain, the ring being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Boromir: Right.
Frodo: I'm not going.
All: Just to be contradicting, lets make him the ringbearer.
Frodo: NOOOO!!!!
All: YESSS!!!
Frodo: Alrighty then.
(resorts back to biblical spaking)
Frodo: I shall taketh this ringeth to Mordoreth, though I have to use the loo first.
Suddenly, a sinister figure dropped from the sky.
Rand: Ahhhh!!! *thump*
Rand lands on Boromir, squishing him through another dimensional hole.
Aragorn: Whoa, Boromir, how did you shave so fast?
Rand: It's a special talent I have. Anyways, who's Boromir?
Random Elf Lord #1: Amnesia? Again?! That's the third time this week!
Frodo: Hello? I'm the main character here! Me, not the freaky big person!
Frodo draws a sketchy picture of Rand/Boromir and himself, circling Frodo and furiously crossing out the other.
Aragorn: Okay okay, we get the point.
Elrond: Back to the fellowship.
Sam: Oh mememe! Pick me! Pick me!
Frodo: Does anyone else want to come with me?
All:...
Aragorn: I'll go with you. You owe me twenty bucks. You have my sword.
Frodo: I do?
Legolas: And my bow.
Frodo: Cool!
Gimli: And my toenail clippers!
Frodo: ??
Gimli: They're deadly weapons. Why else would they be taken away by airport security?
Frodo: Good point.
Elrond: Take Boromir too. I want him out of my house.
Sam: You weren't thinking about leaving Sam behind, were you Master Frodo?
Frodo: *Looks at the sky.
Sam: Master Frodo?
Frodo: *Begins whistling inconspicuously.
Sam wails and runs to the bathroom to cry.
Rand: What's up with him?
Frodo: Let's just say you don't wanna be in my place.
Rand: Okeyday.
Merry and Pippin: We're coming too!
Frodo: Oh yay! The cool ones!
Sam peers around the doorway.
Sam: What is that supposed to mean?
Frodo: *Whistles inconspicuously*
Sam runs off, crying, etc.
Arwen: I'll come because all men are brainless twits. Rest of the fellowship: .......
Legolas: *whispering* What's a twit?
Aragorn: *whispering* Must be some kind of pizza.
Pippin: *whispering* I like pizza.
Arwen: I can hear every word you say.
Rest: Really?! You must have great hearing!
Arwen: What do you think the big ears are for?
Bilbo: I can hear you too, and I'm over a hundred and twenty.
Legolas: Oops.
Pippin: *whispering* Do you think they could give us some mushrooms on our pizza?
Elrond: The authors can hear you, and they're not even here!
Frodo: Authors?
People: Get on with it!
Elrond: I now pronounce ye the Fellowship of the Ring!
Fellowship: Yay!!!
Elrond: Everybody dance!
Fellowship dances.
Fellowship: Yay!!!!
Rand/Boromir: What the hey is going on here?!
Aragorn: Just go with the flow.
Rand/Boromir: Okay. *dances* Yay!!!!