Chapter 3
In which a newcomer comes to the Dark Lord meeting, and Moirane and
Lanfear join a club.
Sauron: I'll never be as good as you, O Dark Lord Barney.
Barney: (In a big booming voice) You have been one of my best students, Sauron. Continue in your work, and you shall be great.
Random Evil Lord #35: *whispering* The Dark Lord Barney is above us all. He has brainwashed the innocent minds of children for generations!
Random Evil Lord #19: *whispering* He is the greatest of us all! He's the only one that has ever defeated one of our mortal enemies!
BunchaRELs: *whispering* Really? Who?!
REL#19: *whispering* Let's just say Mr. Rogers didn't really die of natural causes. (cancer)
All: *stare in awe and wonder at the purple dinosaur*
REL #6: I hear you have a new apprentice, O Great and Terrible Barney. Is this true?
Barney: *booming* It is.
REL #6: Will you reveal to us their identity?
Barney:*booming* Yes.
REL #6: Well... Who is it?
Barney: *booming* Oh sorry. I am accustomed to using small words. It works better with the children.
All: *laugh evilly*
Barney: *We don't really need to say that he's booming anymore, do we?* It is.......
Silence.
*Cricket Cricket*
Barney: George W.!!!!!!
*Applause*
W: Iraq must be destroyed and replaced by a new theme park... Bush Gardens!
*applause*
W: Featuring burning wreckage and desolate wasteland.
*Applause*
W: And it will be the new site...
*applause*
W: of the...
*applause*
W: new...
*applause*
W: Shut up!
*applause*
The U.S. Military comes through the door and readies the ammo.
W: Dark Lord Headquarters.
REL #101: He really knows his stuff!!
Barney: I taught him everything he knows.
Meanwhile, down the hall...
Moiraine: What is this place?
Lanfear: I think we're lost.
Moiraine: Shh! I'm thinking!
Lanfear: Think about that doorway with the EXIT sign over it.
Moiraine: That can't be the real exit. It's too obvious.
Moiraine walks over to an old-fashioned door with the letters RIP on the front.
Moiraine: Lets try this one.
Lanfear: That doesn't look like a very...
The door creaks open on it's rusty hinges.
Lanfear: Creepy.
Moiraine: *trembles*
Lanfear: Aes Sedai weakling.
Lanfear walks into the room, pulling Moiraine along with her. The door slams shut behind them.
Moiraine: I don't think this was such a good idea.
Lanfear: Well it was your idea in the first place.
Suddenly, a haunting melody is heard, of the likes they had never heard. It was...
Music: You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!!!!
Moiraine and Lanfear: AAAAAHHHH!!!!
*try to leave* *can't*
Elvis: Hello there, ladies.
Moiraine: W-who in the blighted lands are you?!
Elvis: I am the king of rock and roll.
Lanfear: Rolling? What is this new Aes Sedai craft?
Moiraine: Don't look at me.
Elvis: I am Elvis Presley, the one and only member of the People Who Have Died But Aren't Really Dead club, and you two are the two and only second and third members!!!
Moiraine: But I'm still alive!!!
Elvis: Not anymore.
Lanfear: I have a feeling this club will grow a lot bigger over the course of this fanfic.
Los Pollos Desnudos: Shh! You're not supposed to know that!
Moiraine: What's a pollo?
Lanfear: Must be some new chinese dish.
Sr. Davis (spanish teachar): You're getting it all wrong!
Lanfear: Well you spelled teacher wrong.
Sr. Davis: No, teachar is the spanish verb meaning to teach.
Los Pollos Desnudos: We are the all-powerful authors, and we say get on with it or else we'll be late to Gandalf's birthday party!!
Lanfear: The horror.
Los Pollos Desnudos: Okay, this chapter is ending right... about....
Now.
*End Chapter*
Sauron: I'll never be as good as you, O Dark Lord Barney.
Barney: (In a big booming voice) You have been one of my best students, Sauron. Continue in your work, and you shall be great.
Random Evil Lord #35: *whispering* The Dark Lord Barney is above us all. He has brainwashed the innocent minds of children for generations!
Random Evil Lord #19: *whispering* He is the greatest of us all! He's the only one that has ever defeated one of our mortal enemies!
BunchaRELs: *whispering* Really? Who?!
REL#19: *whispering* Let's just say Mr. Rogers didn't really die of natural causes. (cancer)
All: *stare in awe and wonder at the purple dinosaur*
REL #6: I hear you have a new apprentice, O Great and Terrible Barney. Is this true?
Barney: *booming* It is.
REL #6: Will you reveal to us their identity?
Barney:*booming* Yes.
REL #6: Well... Who is it?
Barney: *booming* Oh sorry. I am accustomed to using small words. It works better with the children.
All: *laugh evilly*
Barney: *We don't really need to say that he's booming anymore, do we?* It is.......
Silence.
*Cricket Cricket*
Barney: George W.!!!!!!
*Applause*
W: Iraq must be destroyed and replaced by a new theme park... Bush Gardens!
*applause*
W: Featuring burning wreckage and desolate wasteland.
*Applause*
W: And it will be the new site...
*applause*
W: of the...
*applause*
W: new...
*applause*
W: Shut up!
*applause*
The U.S. Military comes through the door and readies the ammo.
W: Dark Lord Headquarters.
REL #101: He really knows his stuff!!
Barney: I taught him everything he knows.
Meanwhile, down the hall...
Moiraine: What is this place?
Lanfear: I think we're lost.
Moiraine: Shh! I'm thinking!
Lanfear: Think about that doorway with the EXIT sign over it.
Moiraine: That can't be the real exit. It's too obvious.
Moiraine walks over to an old-fashioned door with the letters RIP on the front.
Moiraine: Lets try this one.
Lanfear: That doesn't look like a very...
The door creaks open on it's rusty hinges.
Lanfear: Creepy.
Moiraine: *trembles*
Lanfear: Aes Sedai weakling.
Lanfear walks into the room, pulling Moiraine along with her. The door slams shut behind them.
Moiraine: I don't think this was such a good idea.
Lanfear: Well it was your idea in the first place.
Suddenly, a haunting melody is heard, of the likes they had never heard. It was...
Music: You ain't nothin' but a hound dog!!!!
Moiraine and Lanfear: AAAAAHHHH!!!!
*try to leave* *can't*
Elvis: Hello there, ladies.
Moiraine: W-who in the blighted lands are you?!
Elvis: I am the king of rock and roll.
Lanfear: Rolling? What is this new Aes Sedai craft?
Moiraine: Don't look at me.
Elvis: I am Elvis Presley, the one and only member of the People Who Have Died But Aren't Really Dead club, and you two are the two and only second and third members!!!
Moiraine: But I'm still alive!!!
Elvis: Not anymore.
Lanfear: I have a feeling this club will grow a lot bigger over the course of this fanfic.
Los Pollos Desnudos: Shh! You're not supposed to know that!
Moiraine: What's a pollo?
Lanfear: Must be some new chinese dish.
Sr. Davis (spanish teachar): You're getting it all wrong!
Lanfear: Well you spelled teacher wrong.
Sr. Davis: No, teachar is the spanish verb meaning to teach.
Los Pollos Desnudos: We are the all-powerful authors, and we say get on with it or else we'll be late to Gandalf's birthday party!!
Lanfear: The horror.
Los Pollos Desnudos: Okay, this chapter is ending right... about....
Now.
*End Chapter*